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QuarkJets posted:Your toxic masculinity is causing your entire family to side with the person who cheated on you and you completely deserve it He’s acting dumb here but he doesn’t deserve to have his family invite the person he told them he didn’t want to see again into the home on a special occasion, as a surprise explicitly intended to pressure him into re-exposing himself to that person. He is justified in being hurt by that.
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Dec 25, 2019 12:11
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Lol at Mr. Toxic Masculinity thinking it's less emasculating to flee out the bathroom window like he's in a bad sitcom than to just tell everyone that his fiancée was a cheater.
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Dec 25, 2019 12:18
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Pirate Radar posted:He’s acting dumb here but he doesn’t deserve to have his family invite the person he told them he didn’t want to see again into the home on a special occasion, as a surprise explicitly intended to pressure him into re-exposing himself to that person. He is justified in being hurt by that. A rare "everyone sucks here" scenario.
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Dec 25, 2019 12:23
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Pirate Radar posted:He’s acting dumb here but he doesn’t deserve to have his family invite the person he told them he didn’t want to see again into the home on a special occasion, as a surprise explicitly intended to pressure him into re-exposing himself to that person. He is justified in being hurt by that. Yes, he'd be justified in being mad at his mom for doing that regardless of the reasons. He didn't deserve to get cheated on, either. Probably she wouldn't have done any of that nonsense if he had just told her the truth from the beginning instead of trying to puff out his chest, but yeah, his mom shouldn't have done that, that's not even up for debate But then fleeing (like a man) out of the bathroom window instead of just facing the problem adds a whole new dimension to all of this, now the reasons for the breakup don't even matter because he's acting like a weird idiot baby. He didn't want to be embarrassed, so he did something way more embarrassing and still won't speak the truth so now his entire family is disowning him because he's an idiot. It's like he spilled a little bit of water on his pants and decided to cover up that fact by loudly announcing to everyone that he pissed his pants because he has a piss fetish.
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Dec 25, 2019 12:38
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AITA if I get mad at my in laws for not including any of my pictures in a photo album they gave my husband as present for Christmas?quote:Hi All! This happened:
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Dec 25, 2019 13:58
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QuarkJets posted:Yes, he'd be justified in being mad at his mom for doing that regardless of the reasons. He didn't deserve to get cheated on, either. Probably she wouldn't have done any of that nonsense if he had just told her the truth from the beginning instead of trying to puff out his chest, but yeah, his mom shouldn't have done that, that's not even up for debate It’s not hard to see why he looked for something else and landed on this dumb plan given that he originally did communicate honestly (not totally openly, but honestly) with his family and his mother disregarded his stated feelings. It’s only self-damaging, but so are a lot of understandable behaviors.
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Dec 25, 2019 14:09
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for telling my friend that her baby name is not original at all, and in fact is very common? The OP should have been pleasant afterwards and said " Here are a couple substitutes for names, and you still get to keep the hyphenation: Orah-Leigh and Ainah-Leigh, enjoy!". Problem solved.
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Dec 25, 2019 14:29
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Pirate Radar posted:he originally did communicate honestly (not totally openly, but honestly) with his family No he didn’t. Straight from the post: quote:So I never told anyone that was the reason we broke up. (...) They just see that I dumped her out of the blue.
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Dec 25, 2019 14:41
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Cheating guy is definitely a big dumb idiot, but it also sounds like his family is terrible too so they should all just murder suicide each other in the spirit of the holidays.
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Dec 25, 2019 16:04
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MagusofStars posted:No he didn’t. Straight from the post: He didn’t lie to them, is what I meant. He didn’t tell the whole truth, but he didn’t lie—and when you’re close to someone it’s important to remember and accept that they may not be telling you the whole truth 100% of the time and they may have their own reasons for that, and some things take time to feel okay to talk about.
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Dec 25, 2019 16:23
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It sucks to have your family side with the cheater over you on Christmas but the image of a grown man crawling out a window to avoid having a difficult conversation is some Frasier style poo poo 
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Dec 25, 2019 16:24
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AITA for photoshopping out my (32M) girlfriend’s (28F) tattoo in a family Christmas card?quote:My family has always sent out Christmas cards to friends and family. It’s mom, dad, me, my siblings and significant others. This year my girlfriend was in the picture as we are getting serious and plan on marrying next year. Whenever they don't tell us what the tattoo is, I assume it's a snake the length of the ex's penis Pinecone Sample fucked around with this message at 17:07 on Dec 25, 2019 |
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Dec 25, 2019 16:29
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I don't think it's entirely unreasonable for an immature man to be so upset over being cheated on by the person they wanted to spend their life with that they would try to remove all trace of the person from their life fullstop and not want to talk about it. It's certainly not the right way to go about it but his reasoning doesn't scream of toxic masculinity to me, just immaturity. +Points in my book for dipping out through a window I did similar poo poo in high school
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Dec 25, 2019 17:10
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He totally played himself, he even says in the comments his family doesn't believe Sarah cheated, because why would he not mention it all after the poo poo that's happened since they broke up. At this point even if Sarah fucks off and moves on, he may have lost his family for good. Judging the situation from outside it seems more likely that HE cheated or did something equally stupid, and that Sarah was willing to forgive him, but he's too much a coward to confront her and apologize. She's manipulating his family and life, and he's just allowing her to, because god forbid no one thinks he can't satisfy a woman like a true alpha would.
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Dec 25, 2019 17:42
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Moonshine Rhyme posted:his reasoning doesn't scream of toxic masculinity to me, just immaturity. "The problem was that being cheated on is, in my mind, completely emasculating and humiliating" that doesn't scream of toxic masculinity to you? the concept of things being "completely emasculating" is inherently some toxic masculinity poo poo and i have no sympathy whatsoever for this man who has internalized so much poo poo about how important it is to never, ever be "emasculated" in public that he thinks it's less humiliating to climb out a loving window than -- and i can GUARANTEE, since he calls it emasculating, this is his real issue with it -- admit that a woman he possessed let another man possess her and he didn't murder them both for this violation of his rights of possession
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Dec 25, 2019 17:47
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quote:admit that a woman he possessed let another man possess her and he didn't murder them both for this violation of his rights of possession Wow. This thread sometimes, lol. I think feeling humiliated is very common for people who have been cheated on, and this does apply to both genders, at least to a point. I wouldn't get quite so distracted by his use of the term 'emasculating.' Think less along the lines of property and, uh, murder, and more 'I trusted a person and committed to them and they didn't reciprocate.' New Coke fucked around with this message at 18:00 on Dec 25, 2019 |
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Dec 25, 2019 17:57
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InediblePenguin posted:"The problem was that being cheated on is, in my mind, completely emasculating and humiliating" emasculate means "deprive (a man) of his male role or identity" according to google. when a woman cheats on a man in a relationship, that man is being deprived of his role in the relationship. unless you're trying to make some argument that masculinity or being male doesn't exist or something
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Dec 25, 2019 18:06
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Him feeling humiliated and destroyed immediately after it happened is completely standard and relatable. As is just not wanting to deal with poo poo in the immediate aftermath as well, thus his shutting down on everyone. What makes me think that his emasculated comment is really relevant is, his ex doesn't just eventually gently caress off and move on. She then proceeds to show up everywhere, more specifically around his family manipulating the story and driving into a favorable light for herself, and he does absolutely nothing to stop this or counter it. Jumping out a loving window instead of just yelling at your family to stop hanging around with your cheating ex fiance, can't be the correct choice.
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Dec 25, 2019 18:07
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Honestly I think it's pretty toxic in itself to believe that feeling emasculated is only possible due to toxic masculinity. E: also his ex was enough of an rear end in a top hat to cheat on him, the most reasonable conclusion is that she's continuing to be an rear end in a top hat and lying to his family, not that the guy is somehow responsible for it all just because he doesn't have the ability to talk to his family about it. Problem Sleuth fucked around with this message at 18:11 on Dec 25, 2019 |
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Dec 25, 2019 18:08
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Problem Sleuth posted:Honestly I think it's pretty toxic in itself to believe that feeling emasculated is only possible due to toxic masculinity. When you're feeling so emasculated that you let a crazy person run/ruin your life, and you find yourself jumping out a window instead of dealing with a problem that would have taken all of 5 embarrassing seconds to take care of, yes you're probably taking this whole MAN thing a bit to seriously.
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Dec 25, 2019 18:12
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InediblePenguin posted:"The problem was that being cheated on is, in my mind, completely emasculating and humiliating" LethalGeek posted:Hold on, let's remember goons in this thread absolutely project their poo poo onto a story
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Dec 25, 2019 18:12
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Live in Boyfriend (53M) Got Really Mad At Me (23F) for Going Out with Friends/Coworkers Few Days Ago and He Even Threatened to Break Up with Me on Christmasquote:Hello again reddit!! First of all, I just want to greet everyone Merry Christmas and I hope you have a wonderful Holiday!! It’s not my first time to ask redditors for advice. quote:Not actually. He doesn’t have a job and I work full time to meet our needs. I’m also worried that he might end up homeless and even die of starvation because he’s used to having a decent life.
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Dec 25, 2019 18:13
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ad090 posted:When you're feeling so emasculated that you let a crazy person run/ruin your life, and you find yourself jumping out a window instead of dealing with a problem that would have taken all of 5 embarrassing seconds to take care of, yes you're probably taking this whole MAN thing a bit to seriously. Oh I agree that he's very immature and has some major communication issues, I just don't know that I buy that it's all due to toxic masculinity just because he described himself as emasculated. Either way, I feel bad for him that he's so unable to communicate that his family is going to take the side of his ex who cheated on him more than I feel angry at him for succumbing to toxic masculine ideals. Which, as I'm thinking about it, you're probably right is the ultimate cause of his dumb actions.
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Dec 25, 2019 18:18
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Problem Sleuth posted:Honestly I think it's pretty toxic in itself to believe that feeling emasculated is only possible due to toxic masculinity. nope i think any use of the special word to mean "his feelings are hurt but in a uniquely male way that's only for men and only masculine male men can ever experience or understand this uniquely manly hurt" is toxic and lmfao somebody loving quoting the loving dictionary definition at me as if that's a loving argument
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Dec 25, 2019 18:21
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Relationships: Getting in an argument with a dictionary over the meaning of a word
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Dec 25, 2019 18:36
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Believe it or not sex is, in fact, a big part of your sex. A common way cheaters deflect the blame from themselves is saying it's their victim's fault because the victim didnt satisfy the cheater. It's no different than if a woman felt like less of a woman if they got cheated on. Because what happened directly correlates to their sex+sexuality.
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Dec 25, 2019 18:39
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Hot takes, cool eggnog Stay great, thread
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Dec 25, 2019 18:45
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Problem Sleuth posted:Honestly I think it's pretty toxic in itself to believe that feeling emasculated is only possible due to toxic masculinity. Could you give a couple examples of emasculating events that aren't rooted in toxic masculinity/enforced gender roles?
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Dec 25, 2019 18:52
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I think the dude has communication issues and some SERIOUS social anxiety. He panicked. And he's afraid to be real with his family. Hard to tell from the story, but I would guess that is because his family has showed him in the past that it is not emotionally safe to be vulnerable and open with them. Case in point is that his mom persisted in meddling despite his requests now to and his sister thinks he's a liar when he broke down crying and told her that his girlfriend cheated.
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Dec 25, 2019 18:54
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Dienes posted:Could you give a couple examples of emasculating events that aren't rooted in toxic masculinity/enforced gender roles? FoolyCharged posted:Believe it or not sex is, in fact, a big part of your sex. Literally anything related to sex. ED, not satisfying your partner, not being satisfied by your partner, kinks, and so on. In the same way a woman feeling like less of one after a miscarriage is also not sexist because trauma directly relating to their sex just occurred. It's not logical. It's not correct. But it's ok to feel that way in response and work through it.
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Dec 25, 2019 19:09
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Dienes posted:Could you give a couple examples of emasculating events that aren't rooted in toxic masculinity/enforced gender roles? Sure. I think a positive masculine ideal is to be able to face your fears. Finding oneself in a scary situation and acting cowardly could be emasculating to someone who sees themselves as a brave man. I think the question of whether it's possible to be emasculated in a way that isn't rooted in toxicity is more a question of whether there exist masculinities that aren't themselves toxic, and whether failing to live up to them would feel emasculating in a society that wasn't rooted in toxic masculinity. I think the answer to the first question is yes, absolutely, but I'm open to the idea that the specific feeling of emasculation might only exist due to toxic masculinity.
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Dec 25, 2019 19:11
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Given the family’s response to keep the ex girlfriend around even after they split and refusing to believe him after he finally musters the courage to come clean, it makes sense that the guy is dealing with a ton of jumbled emotions and has no healthy outlet to help process and move on. Being betrayed by a loved one sucks and the story portrays a family that helped actively shape his ideas about bottling emotions up and being a failure if things don’t work out.
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Dec 25, 2019 19:34
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AITA for getting a blood drive cancelled? I’ll preface it with the fact this happened last spring but I still think about it, so. So, at my school, the National Honor Society (NHS) does a Red Cross blood drive each year. My calculus teacher at the time was the teacher sponsor for the NHS, and she offered 10 extra credit points to anyone who would donate blood. Here it is important to note that I have a few different blood issues, including a bloodborne disease that make it unable for me to donate blood, at all. All of these diagnoses have tons of medical documentation behind them, and I regularly have to get procedures done and take medication for them, which is known to the school. My blood would be as usable as someone who has HIV+ blood would be. I have never tried to donate blood, but I know that I would not be able to, per my doctors and the Red Cross guidelines. I went to my teacher and explained I cannot donate blood because of these medical issues, but I would like the points. I offered to volunteer at the drive for an hour or so, which I felt was comparable because oh boy, those points would come in handy, and likely bump my grade up. She refuses, and said the points are only for people who donate blood. Here’s where I think I may be the rear end in a top hat. I called my mom, who called the school, and went ballistic, threatening to sue for discrimination, etc etc. I’m talking the fires of hell must have broken loose on whoever poor soul picked up that telephone. I am not sure exactly what was said on the phone call, but I have been on the receiving end of that firey temper more then once, and I can only imagine that receiver must have been smoking when she was done. Long story short, the school ended up forcing NHS to cancel the blood drive, and the teacher obviously then had to cancel the extra credit. On one hand, I think I was right, because I know very well it was wrong of the teacher to do that and not accommodate for my poor genetics. On the other, I feel bad, because I am well aware that blood is in short supply, and that likely that could have been used to save someone’s life, and I should have put my own feelings aside so we could get the blood drive
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Dec 25, 2019 19:39
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Judging by how the sister reacted, I don't blame the dude for escaping through the window since there was no way that confrontation was going to end well if everyone was already on the ex's side.
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Dec 25, 2019 19:41
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How about the psycho ex in that story trying to worm her way back in after cheating on the dude. Weird how his sister basically reacted by telling him to man up I wonder where his toxic masculinity comes from and why he doesnt want to own up to being cheated on to his family Rubellavator fucked around with this message at 19:48 on Dec 25, 2019 |
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Dec 25, 2019 19:44
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for getting a blood drive cancelled? Clearly not the rear end in a top hat. It sucks that the blood drive was cancelled, but that's on the school, it makes no sense that they did that in response.
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Dec 25, 2019 20:30
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kid's not even wrong, that's straight up discrimination. all the teacher had to do was provide the kid an alternative way to get the extra credit.
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Dec 25, 2019 20:36
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New Coke posted:Clearly not the rear end in a top hat. It sucks that the blood drive was cancelled, but that's on the school, it makes no sense that they did that in response. Anytime the word "discrimination" is uttered near an educational facility, all staff within 10 miles break out into a cold sweat and assume the fetal position. They will go into full Nuke From Orbit mode if there is any chance of someone, somewhere, for some reason, voicing the idea that they were discriminated against.
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Dec 25, 2019 20:40
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That teacher was an unethical rear end in a top hat for offering extra credit for something wholly unrelated to the class, and a discriminatory piece if poo poo for dismissing the OP and I would not be surprised if she decided to take her ball and go home when someone asked her to drop the extra credit and said "well I'll just cancel the blood drive then."
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Dec 25, 2019 20:45
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Problem Sleuth posted:Honestly I think it's pretty toxic in itself to believe that feeling emasculated is only possible due to toxic masculinity. No one is saying that you can't feel emasculated when someone hurts you, you're misunderstanding. He explains that his emasculation is why he can't tell his family. He's so worried about his manly image in front of his mom that he'd rather get disowned than spend a minute explaining what really happened. That's toxic, his obsession over an imagined loss of manliness is figuratively hurting him
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Dec 25, 2019 20:47
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