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pentyne posted:Here's the rub, what is the outcome of the reverse of what he did? Better or worse? "Sticking to it for the kids" is a terrible mentality and kids as young as 5 can start to pick up on the animosity and hate between two feuding parents. Just from the basic context you can't assume if he stuck around it would objectively have been better. Tons of single parents raise kids and do a fantastic job it doesn't require 2 grown adults for a child to have a healthy development. "Well what about this hypothetical alternate reality that I just made up where his behavior wasn't purely selfish" is completely irrelevant to what actually happened. I already addressed this. These hypotheticals are irrelevant because they played no role in his decision-making. pentyne posted:its not his kid She was his kid for 3 years. To her, he was still her father. This DNA-based revelation shouldn't have eradicated his desire to be a parent to this child that he raised for 3 years, and yet it did. And the fact that it did makes him an rear end in a top hat
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Dec 27, 2019 07:11
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for refusing to put my phone in a locked box during dinner? Put the phones into a box that you can get to if needed? Okay sure. A fuckin safe that only they know the code to? gently caress that.
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Dec 27, 2019 07:12
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Kuros posted:Put the phones into a box that you can get to if needed? Okay sure. Yeah the second part takes it from "this seems a reasonable idea" to "hahahah no"
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Dec 27, 2019 07:15
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AITA for telling my oldest friend I won't be her bridesmaid or even attend the wedding? One of my best friends of over 30 years finally ended a ho-hum marriage and is now engaged to a woman she's crazy about. At first I was thrilled for her. Her now fiance has many of the same issues that caused me to leave my ex-husband (insecurity, jealousy, extreme mood swings and lying for no logical reason, among others). We had many heart to heart talks about this, but I've been where she's at so I understand why she stays. After the proposal, I sucked it up and flew out there to meet the fiance and spend a few days with them. I woke up the second morning of the trip to my friend asking me about a wild accusation her fiance had made about me. As soon as I confronted the fiance, she immediately backtracked and said she can't be sure what she saw because she only saw it at the last second. It was a flat out lie, and I can't think of a logical explanation for it aside from her wanting to tell some interesting gossip or drive a wedge between me and my friend. The rest of the trip was incredibly awkward but I had a good talk with my friend on the way back to the airport and told her I still love her and would come out for the wedding if she still wanted me there. We've hardly spoken since. She recently set a date for the wedding and asked me to be a bridesmaid. After thinking it over for a few days, I'm still just too hurt. Hurt that her fiance would say such a thing and even more hurt that this friend who I thought knew me so well apparently doesn't really know me at all. I don't expect her to believe me over her fiance and I don't generally believe in ultimatums, so I just told her I won't be there because I'm still too hurt - especially considering neither of them have ever apologized. I'm too old for this poo poo. I don't need it in my life. I'm happy that I stood up for myself for once, but I may have just lost my oldest friend and I can't stop crying. AITA? TL;DR the fiance made up a malicious lie about me for some unknown reason and neither of them have apologized EDIT: not really relevant imo, but since everyone is asking for the backstory, here it is: We were at a bar my first night there having a good time. It was a small bar and everyone there was within everyone else's line of vision. I was seated right next to my friend all night except when I got up to use the restroom. It was a Wednesday night, so not busy. There was an older cowboy there, 100% not my type, who kept sitting by us and trying to buy us drinks and asking me to friend him on facebook so that if ever things didn't work out with my SO, he could be first in line. Even if I'd been blackout drunk (which I was not), I would never have given this guy my number, let alone a kiss. He was persistent and even dedicated a karaoke performance to me - George Strait's "You Look So Good in Love", with lyrics something to the effect of "whatever he's doing, it looks good on you" and "you look so good in love but I wish you were in love with me". Even my friend was like "hey buddy, how much more clear does she need to be?". We were having a good time and I didn't want to cause any drama but I was getting upset, so he apologized and backed off. I thought that was the end of it. The next morning my friend says "so what's up with you making out with that guy at the bar last night?". I knew I hadn't but I immediately felt sick to my stomach. I said "you saw this?", to which she replied "no, but (fiance) did". That was my "aha!" moment. I said "and she didn't nudge you so you could see for yourself? Where is she?". I walked out and confronted the fiance who immediately backtracked and said "I didn't nudge (friend) because you were just pulling away from him. It could have been just a peck for all I know. You just don't remember because you'd been drinking". After I calmed down, I called my SO and told him I wanted to come home. He talked me off that ledge and I stuck it out for a couple more days. Needless to say he's not thrilled about joining me at this wedding either, but says he'll support me whatever I choose to do. EDIT 2: my friend has assured me she still loves me and is not upset, but not apologized. I feel terrible for her being stuck in the middle but refuse to pu
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Dec 27, 2019 07:20
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Barudak posted:Yeah the second part takes it from "this seems a reasonable idea" to "hahahah no" I agree, although I also think she should have just turned her phone off for the dinner.
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Dec 27, 2019 07:21
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QuarkJets posted:"Well what about this hypothetical alternate reality that I just made up where his behavior wasn't purely selfish" is completely irrelevant to what actually happened. I already addressed this. These hypotheticals are irrelevant because they played no role in his decision-making. Do you just not understand how hard it might be to have forced interaction and constant reminders of the fact that your wife hosed someone else and the kid isn't yours? That is difficult emotional territory to ask someone to put up with after a nasty divorce. He doesn't ever detail his reasoning for cutting contact, but the fact that he mentions how nasty and expensive the divorce was is a pretty good clue that he had good reasons not to want to be involved with them. Yeah, it sucks for the kid but why should he now be obligated to raise a kid that he is 100% going to resent?
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Dec 27, 2019 07:36
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therobit posted:Do you just not understand how hard it might be to have forced interaction and constant reminders of the fact that your wife hosed someone else and the kid isn't yours? I wound understand that, and if he had written a single word to that effect then that might have been relevant. But he made it clear that this is all about biology several times in his post. Want further proof? Here are some of the OP's comments: quote:I'm not raising someone else's child. quote:
Yes, he'd be less of an rear end in a top hat if he had to balance his love for the daughter he raised against his resentment for the ex-wife who wronged them both. He'd also be less of an rear end in a top hat for a billion other hypothetical things that didn't happen.
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Dec 27, 2019 07:56
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AITA for changing my tampon at my boyfriend's house? Background: My boyfriend (26M) and I (24F) have been dating for just over seven months. I live in a one-bedroom apartment; he lives in a house his uncle owns. His uncle lives across the country and only stays in the house a few days a year, so he has allowed my boyfriend to live there for the past couple of years. Up until now, they've been on great terms, and I feel like I just ruined everything. I can count on one hand the number of times I've stayed at his place. He has stayed at my apartment the majority of nights since we've been together, and has moved most of his personal belongings to my place. I don't feel ready to "officially" move in with him yet. I moved in with a SO too early in the past and regretted it, so I've been much more cautious this time around about signing a lease with anybody. Every time I've stayed at his place, I have cleaned it thoroughly. I washed the sheets, vacuumed the floors, cleaned the kitchen, and gone to the fullest extent I felt possible to take care of the house, since I know it's not his. Recently, his uncle came to town. I had only met him once before, and worked as hard as I could to make a good impression. I threw my boyfriend a birthday party and invited his entire family so that everybody felt included. I made them all a huge sashimi lunch. I really just wanted to make my boyfriend happy, and he loves his family, so I felt it was important to invite them and make them all feel welcome. His uncle and I got along well, and by the end, I felt like we were all on great terms. The day after he left town, my boyfriend got a text from his parents saying that his uncle "would prefer I no longer stay there." I was concerned that there was a problem with me, but my boyfriend said it was probably just that his uncle assumed we lived together. The next day, he asked his parents for context. Apparently his uncle "found a girl product in the trash" in the guest bedroom. My heart sank. I always wrap my tampons when I put them in the trash; he must've seen the string or something. I could've sworn I took out every trash can, but I guess not. My boyfriend messaged his uncle to apologize, but he still hasn't responded. It's been two days. I'm supposed to go to his cousin's wedding next year, but now I'm afraid to go, since it's his uncle's "territory" and I feel completely unwelcome. His whole family now knows that I got kicked out of his uncle's house. I'm still not ready to move in with my boyfriend, but now he has nowhere else to go. One night I asked for some alone time, and he said he was leaving, but came back half an hour later and told me that he didn't want his parents to think we were fighting, so he didn't want to stay at their place for the night. I asked if he'd consider getting his own apartment, and he said he'd think about it, but seemed reluctant. I just feel bad that his long-term living situation is now messed up because I left a tampon in the trash. AITA?
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Dec 27, 2019 07:59
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I don't think I'd be able to look at the kid and not feel the pain and resentment that is rooted in the circumstances of their birth.
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Dec 27, 2019 08:01
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for changing my tampon at my boyfriend's house? WTF? I'm wondering if this is cultural or a religious thing or something. Is there context missing like a "no overnight guests" policy that the boyfriend has been skirting?
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Dec 27, 2019 08:06
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therobit posted:I don't think I'd be able to look at the kid and not feel the pain and resentment that is rooted in the circumstances of their birth. That's understandable, you'd be kind of a monster for going completely no-contact on that kid for that reason but at least you wouldn't be nearly as bad as the dude who's like "you mean she doesn't have my DNA???" while moonwalking out of the room forever
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Dec 27, 2019 08:06
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QuarkJets posted:She was his kid for 3 years. To her, he was still her father. This DNA-based revelation shouldn't have eradicated his desire to be a parent to this child that he raised for 3 years, and yet it did. And the fact that it did makes him an rear end in a top hat And to him, she was someone else's daughter.
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Dec 27, 2019 08:15
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pentyne posted:And to him, she was someone else's daughter. Right, because he's an rear end in a top hat
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Dec 27, 2019 08:20
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QuarkJets posted:Right, because he's an rear end in a top hat He’s an rear end in a top hat, but not the rear end in a top hat of the story, which belongs to the mother
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Dec 27, 2019 08:22
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Professorjuggalo posted:He’s an rear end in a top hat, but not the rear end in a top hat of the story, which belongs to the mother Yup
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Dec 27, 2019 08:24
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for changing my tampon at my boyfriend's house? The gently caress? Uncle needs to man the gently caress up to the fact that periods exist. Jesus christ.
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Dec 27, 2019 08:29
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Professorjuggalo posted:He’s an rear end in a top hat, but not the rear end in a top hat of the story, which belongs to the mother There can be more than one and they don’t have to be equal. He is definitely the rear end in a top hat in his story for not taking any care for a kid’s feelings in explaining to her what happened. He can not stand to raise her if that’s his thing but it’s also not the kid’s fault so he doesn’t have to rescue his good name by making sure the kid knows it’s her mother’s fault when he hasn’t spoken to them in 10 years. If he didn’t want to take the time to gingerly approach a difficult topic, then also don’t be an rear end in a top hat and just bomb someone with “I’m not your biological father” over social media. The only reason to do that is to make sure this girl who you never want to see again knows you’re the good guy actually Ugato fucked around with this message at 08:40 on Dec 27, 2019 |
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Dec 27, 2019 08:38
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Beach Bum posted:The gently caress? Uncle needs to man the gently caress up to the fact that periods exist. Jesus christ. If he kicked the nephew of over it I have to think the kids some other reason. Although, I ignore in some cultures it might be a big deal. I used to work as a janitor in college. One of the other janitors was a woman from Kenya who was bright and well educated. She was working on her master's degree. When we would.get assigned to clean the ladies room together, she would insist on neither person to empty the little trash receptacles for loads and tampons that were in each stall. Because I was a man, and it would be wrong for me to see it. She was really serious about it. She said that in her culture it was considered a curse for any man to see menstrual blood.
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Dec 27, 2019 08:43
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Ugato posted:There can be more than one and they don’t have to be equal. He is definitely the rear end in a top hat in his story for not taking any care for a kid’s feelings in explaining to her what happened. He can not stand to raise her if that’s his thing but it’s also not the kid’s fault so he doesn’t have to rescue his good name by making sure the kid knows it’s her mother’s fault when he hasn’t spoken to them in 10 years. I don't think he bombed her social media with it. He just told her the truth. Now she can move on. Also, I don't know why but when I first read the story I thought he got a lawyer for the divorce they were never married; it was his girlfriend. The legal costs had to be about child support and also maybe custody issues. Mom fought him for child support.
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Dec 27, 2019 08:50
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Wasn’t the mom in a long term relationship with the cheater too? Maybe she shoulda went after him for child support instead (probably didn’t cause not bio dad makes more money)
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Dec 27, 2019 08:57
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She confronted him over social media so that was the avenue he used to tell her she didn’t know who her dad was, which is kind of a poo poo thing to do to a 13 year old you have no intention of ever talking to again who sees you as a father up until that moment. I know something of what that moment is like - hearing the person you’re in love with cheated - I had a similar (less extreme, I didn’t get tricked into thinking the baby was mine) thing happen to me with a girl I very much cared about. 10 years is a long time and maybe it’s time to get over it at least long enough to swallow your pride and have a moment with a kid Smirking_Serpent posted:I have been no contact since. That is until now, I got a facebook message from her daughter which was very abrasive. She was accusing me of abandoning her and what kind of father does that. It seems that my ex didn't have the guts to admit her infidelity? And maybe not worry about an apology from the abandoned* 13 year old? * - from her perspective anyway edited for words badding Ugato fucked around with this message at 09:10 on Dec 27, 2019 |
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Dec 27, 2019 09:02
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Professorjuggalo posted:Wasn’t the mom in a long term relationship with the cheater too? Maybe she shoulda went after him for child support instead (probably didn’t cause not bio dad makes more money) No? Ugato posted:And maybe not worry about an apology from the abandoned 13 year old? Yeah. realbez fucked around with this message at 09:07 on Dec 27, 2019 |
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Dec 27, 2019 09:03
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realbez posted:No? I got the Santa story mixed up, either way the kid is abandoned and he has no obligation to raise her
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Dec 27, 2019 09:06
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Professorjuggalo posted:I got the Santa story mixed up, either way the kid is abandoned and he has no obligation to raise her Good people don’t base their actions solely on what they are obliged to do. Edit: he didn’t have to raise her, but he should have tried to stay in her life. Nobody is arguing that he should have stayed with the girlfriend for the sake of the child, but he didn’t have to cut the kid out of his life. Nuanced, I know. realbez fucked around with this message at 09:11 on Dec 27, 2019 |
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Dec 27, 2019 09:08
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Smirking_Serpent posted:AITA for politely informing my parents that they can return the gift they got me for x-mas? Smart Home, Stupid People
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Dec 27, 2019 09:13
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One thing to think of too, if the split was at 23, and the kid was born when they were 19-20 which is fairly young. I think walking away with a clean slate after the ordeal was probably pretty tempting and he went for it. I guess one thing people are talking past her is what would have staying involved been, like its clear this guy wanted nothing to do with the daughter, but what would have been an acceptable level of contact if we just say take things like visitation and custody off the table for legal reasons. Like a birthday card once a year and a gift? Saying she can contact him sometime in the future? Phone calls?
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Dec 27, 2019 10:02
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Yeah good luck getting shared custody of your ex girlfriend and the guy she cheated with’s daughter, you aren’t even going to be allowed to see her if you take it to court with the ex who is willing to lie to her daughter about who her dad is.
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Dec 27, 2019 10:13
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Jack2142 posted:I guess one thing people are talking past her is what would have staying involved been, like its clear this guy wanted nothing to do with the daughter, but what would have been an acceptable level of contact if we just say take things like visitation and custody off the table for legal reasons. Like a birthday card once a year and a gift? Saying she can contact him sometime in the future? Phone calls? I think it's because by his own admission he no longer wanted anything to do with his daughter, so no matter where you want to draw the line of minimum required effort he'd still be an rear end in a top hat. That's asking how many points each question on a test was worth when you've decided to answer none of them. All of the hand-wringing over hypothetical custody agreements and acceptable levels of contact may be interesting to discuss on its own merits but has absolutely no bearing on whether or not he's an rear end in a top hat
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Dec 27, 2019 10:16
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EIDE Van Hagar posted:Yeah good luck getting shared custody of your ex girlfriend and the guy she cheated with’s daughter, you aren’t even going to be allowed to see her if you take it to court with the ex who is willing to lie to her daughter about who her dad is. I don't think it's legal matters that are making people ITT call him an rear end in a top hat, it's that he disavows a person he spent 3 years raising due to a matter of genetics. very  that said, I may not like the ideas kicking around in his head, but it's not like there was going to be any satisfying resolution to this situation, and I find it hard to blame him for wishing his hands of that situation, especially if it already cost him a lot in legal fees to deal with the fallout in the first place.
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Dec 27, 2019 10:25
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He could have dealt with the separation in a more graceful manner, and removed barriers to the kid being able to see him (if she so wished). I think it's the ripcord and 'welp, cya' that makes him an arsehole.
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Dec 27, 2019 11:56
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I don’t care, stop talking about it.
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Dec 27, 2019 12:28
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AITA for telling my daughter that she looks like a prostitute?quote:My daughter (18f) is in her senior year of high school and I'm not liking the way she dresses. She likes to wear crop tops, shorts, off the shoulder tops, tube tops, ripped jeans, little dresses, etc. Her entire chest is always on display for the world to see.
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Dec 27, 2019 12:28
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Pinecone Sample posted:AITA for telling my daughter that she looks like a prostitute? "that child" woof
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Dec 27, 2019 12:38
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Why would they ban him from reddit before the juicy divorce update??
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Dec 27, 2019 12:43
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More like quote:AITA for my controlled detonation of almost all my familial relationships
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Dec 27, 2019 12:51
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Pinecone Sample posted:AITA for telling my daughter that she looks like a prostitute? 
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Dec 27, 2019 12:54
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Lol at "shows some midriff = literal whore" What makes that story so funny and horrible is that every outfit he describes is perfectly normal
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Dec 27, 2019 13:04
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i hate to call shitpost but that's a shitpost, decently written op but then he goes into how he makes 2 million a year and poo poo and it just loses all credibility
Whorelord fucked around with this message at 13:25 on Dec 27, 2019 |
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Dec 27, 2019 13:20
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Pinecone Sample posted:AITA for telling my daughter that she looks like a prostitute? I dunno I feel like if every woman in your life is telling you you're a loving rear end in a top hat and you get banned off reddit, known weirdo-cavern, for being too much of a loving weirdo maybe... just maybe, you're an rear end in a top hat.
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Dec 27, 2019 13:34
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I am the patriarch of this family which means that I can do and say whatever I want. These lesser beings "wife" and "daughter" will never understand
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Dec 27, 2019 13:36
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