- QuarkJets
- Sep 8, 2008
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Just want to point out you keep saying something that didn’t happen
that was just some hyperbole, she's an rear end in a top hat for vaping in a movie theater at all.
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Jan 2, 2020 11:32
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- Adbot
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ADBOT LOVES YOU
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May 14, 2024 23:53
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- Ugly In The Morning
- Jul 1, 2010
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Pillbug
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this is the most california thing i've read since Grapes of Wrath
I dunno, when I was reading it I could think of like three upstate NY people that could have been about.
And yes, they are all incredibly tiresome and only talk about witch poo poo all the time, how did you know? All the pagans I know seem to use it as a substitute for having a personality.
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Jan 2, 2020 11:38
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- TheDeadlyShoe
- Feb 14, 2014
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Still better than football.
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Jan 2, 2020 11:39
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- StrangersInTheNight
- Dec 31, 2007
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ABSOLUTE FUCKING GUDGEON
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No one is defending his effort to be super punitive
She's still an rear end in a top hat, "I didn't even realize that I was doing it" isn't a free pass for lovely behavior and smoking in a movie theater is lovely behavior
who gives a poo poo about 'free passes' or not that's again just some weird punitive poo poo.
if the issue is resolved and everyone is watching the movie, what else needs to be done? It's lovely behavior, but if the behavior is stopped it's done. just go back to the movie. the thing about dealing with assholes is that if you go after every single one, you're just an rear end in a top hat too.
everyone just wants to be self-righteous about whether it was proper behavior or not, which doesn't matter bc it resolved itself.
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Jan 2, 2020 11:50
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- Kitchner
- Nov 9, 2012
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IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
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Clapping Larry
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I'm glad in the space of two or three pages this thread has managed to target three groups of people that feel the need to staunchly defend their beliefs/activities whenever it looks as though someone may be criticising them online: atheists, socialists, vapers.
All we need now is for someone to voice the opinion that they think smoking cigarettes or weed smells awful so they are glad it's not legal like cigarettes are, and someone else to say that Trump is a piece of poo poo and we can bring it up to five groups in a couple of pages. That's efficient as gently caress.
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Jan 2, 2020 12:07
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- QuarkJets
- Sep 8, 2008
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who gives a poo poo about 'free passes' or not that's again just some weird punitive poo poo.
Well the OP cares, apparently, since she's the one who posted in AITA about it. And I just want to reiterate that no one disagrees with you over whether he's also an rear end in a top hat
Also btw Trump is a piece of poo poo in case anyone is wondering
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Jan 2, 2020 12:39
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- Pinecone Sample
- Oct 12, 2010
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THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420
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AITA for getting mad at a girl who wouldn’t follow the rules of a game?
quote:
AITA for getting mad at a girl who wouldn’t follow the rules on Spin the Bottle?
We were at my friend Joey’s house and were playing spin the bottle. It was Samantha’s turn to spin and when she spun it landed on me, when it did, she said “eww” and refused to kiss. I said she has to kiss me because that’s the rules but she refused. I then got mad and stormed off. The worst part? She practically jumped on Joey when Joey spun and landed on her. Samantha and her friend Kimmi said I was an rear end in a top hat but Joey said I had a right to be mad and the other people told Samantha she can’t renege like that. She agreed to play. If she just wants to snog Joey, she should do that.
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Jan 2, 2020 12:50
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- Shasta Orange Soda
- Apr 25, 2007
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It's part of how it can actually be more habit-forming that regular cigs. Along with the erroneous idea they are 'safer',
Any former smoker/current vaper who is no longer hacking up phlegm for 10 minutes every morning can tell you they're obviously safer. Some of you guys are way loving over the top with the vape hate, goddamn.
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Jan 2, 2020 13:15
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- Shasta Orange Soda
- Apr 25, 2007
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I know what I felt like 5 years ago and I know what I feel like now. Coughing up brown/yellow nastiness all the time, everything I own turning that same lovely color. I'm sure it'll help you get your hate on better if you think there isn't a difference, but there is, and it's night and day.
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Jan 2, 2020 13:24
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- Ghost Leviathan
- Mar 2, 2017
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Exploration is ill-advised.
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There's an entire set of societal rules built around smoking to make being around smokers in social settings vaguely tolerable and vapers seem to think their robot dick is a free ticket to ignore each and every one of them.
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Jan 2, 2020 13:25
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- Rust Martialis
- May 8, 2007
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At night, Bavovnyatko quietly comes to the occupiers’ bases, depots, airfields, oil refineries and other places full of flammable items and starts playing with fire there
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Any former smoker/current vaper who is no longer hacking up phlegm for 10 minutes every morning can tell you they're obviously safer. Some of you guys are way loving over the top with the vape hate, goddamn.
The plural of anecdote is not data
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Jan 2, 2020 13:25
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- Shasta Orange Soda
- Apr 25, 2007
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The plural of anecdote is not data
True, it's not up to the exacting standards of just randomly claiming vaping is as bad as smoking with no proof.
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Jan 2, 2020 13:27
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- Runcible Cat
- May 28, 2007
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Ignoring this post
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why make a big deal when he said stop, she did, and even left to let her family be? there's no value to haranguing her about it. if you wanna get her banned, just run out right at the end and grab the manager.
also 'clouds of smoke' lol no, it was one, by mistake, stop it
We don't know it was one. She could have been puffing away "unconsciously" for any amount of time until the guy next to her figured out what stank like unicorn farts.
That said, ESH. Her for vaping, guy for following once she left, family for following her out and then giving her poo poo for making them miss the end of the movie. Though since it sounds like it was RoS nothing of value was lost.
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Jan 2, 2020 13:27
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- Orange DeviI
- Nov 9, 2011
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by Hand Knit
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Any former smoker/current vaper who is no longer hacking up phlegm for 10 minutes every morning can tell you they're obviously safer. Some of you guys are way loving over the top with the vape hate, goddamn.
google EVALI and click on any of the CDC/sci journal/med journal articles showing up to learn more instead of showing off your ignorance
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Jan 2, 2020 13:35
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- Warbadger
- Jun 17, 2006
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I know what I felt like 5 years ago and I know what I feel like now. Coughing up brown/yellow nastiness all the time, everything I own turning that same lovely color. I'm sure it'll help you get your hate on better if you think there isn't a difference, but there is, and it's night and day.
For non-smokers the problems remain the same - involuntary exposure to foul smelling drug laced clouds that are pretty well understood by society to be bad for you. Throw in the unlikely but extant mystery factor of "what Chinese industrial chemical is weaponized in this vape cloud" vapes brought to the table.
I agree they're better for the smoker - depending on what's in the vape mix I guess.
Warbadger fucked around with this message at 13:43 on Jan 2, 2020
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Jan 2, 2020 13:35
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- Shasta Orange Soda
- Apr 25, 2007
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google EVALI and click on any of the CDC/sci journal/med journal articles showing up to learn more instead of showing off your ignorance
That's the disease caused by Vitamin E acetate in illegal THC cartridges. Which isn't even what we're talking about at all. I feel like you know this.
For non-smokers the problems remain the same - involuntary exposure to foul smelling drug laced clouds that are pretty well understood by society to be bad for you.
I agree they're better for the smoker - depending on what's in the vape mix I guess.
"Foul smelling drug laced clouds," goddamn, some of you really need to get over yourselves. We're all effectively smoking a cigarette a day just from air pollution.
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Jan 2, 2020 13:42
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- Warbadger
- Jun 17, 2006
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"Foul smelling drug laced clouds," goddamn, some of you really need to get over yourselves. We're all effectively smoking a cigarette a day just from air pollution.
It's an accurate description. I also don't understand how air pollution existing makes it not acceptable to criticize additional sources of air pollution?
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Jan 2, 2020 13:48
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- PHIZ KALIFA
- Dec 21, 2011
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#mood
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the vape actually purifies the air and makes it safer, a juul takes out 100% of the airborn asbestos and despair emanating from trumpco baby jails. welcome to the future kids, blueberry or crem brulee?
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Jan 2, 2020 15:07
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- Danaru
- Jun 5, 2012
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何 ??
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"Air pollution exists so you cant complain about second hand smoke/vape" is one hell of a take
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Jan 2, 2020 15:11
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- PHIZ KALIFA
- Dec 21, 2011
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#mood
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the important thing is everyone respond to me as though i spoke sincerely, in order to maximize the length and duration of this derail.
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Jan 2, 2020 15:17
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- Problem Sleuth
- Apr 12, 2011
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WELCOME TO THE NEW FUTURE
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I work with a guy who smokes. He usually vapes now and it smells a hundred times better. I don't know enough to speak either way on the safety, but personally I truly cannot imagine being more bothered by someone vaping near me than someone smoking near me.
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Jan 2, 2020 15:19
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- PHIZ KALIFA
- Dec 21, 2011
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#mood
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Vapists, mon ami, we prefer the more regal vapeurs.
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Jan 2, 2020 15:24
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- Hellblazer187
- Oct 12, 2003
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Vaping is bad, public Vaping in a closed space is assholish. Vaping is still better for the user than smoking and vape hate is hilariously overblown. Lady left the theater, the dude who followed her and her family are insane people. So one rear end in a top hat and three lunatics.
Vaping safer than smoking: https://www.vox.com/2019/11/22/20977418/vaping-lung-disease-ban-public-health
Hellblazer187 fucked around with this message at 16:09 on Jan 2, 2020
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Jan 2, 2020 15:51
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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My Husband Has No Boundaries With His Best Friend
quote:Dear Prudence,
My husband has a close female friend. I don’t mind that he’s friends with other women, but I don’t like her. Recently I learned she’d been talking to him about “sugaring” (an alternative to bikini waxing), and I don’t like that she’s talking like that with my husband. It led to our first big fight, and we’ve been married for two years without really quarreling. I told him he needs boundaries with her. He was against my confronting her, saying, “That’s just how she is.” But if she really was his friend, it shouldn’t be a big deal to respect boundaries. Which leads me to think she must talk this way to him all the time. We fought for a week, and finally he said he would stop being friends with her. But they go to meetups together, and he’s not going to be able to avoid her. I don’t even know if I believe he would stop being friends with her after putting up such a fight.
I contacted her to tell her I thought what she said was inappropriate, but I’d like to get to know her better since she’s my husband’s best friend. My husband didn’t seem happy that we made plans, but we went out for drinks anyways. I don’t really get why he likes her. She’s the total opposite of me. She’s very high maintenance, and I just can’t find any common ground with her. She has no interest in trying to be friends with me. At this point I’m trying to ignore her existence, and I told my husband never to mention her name to me. This is a thorn in the side of our marriage that will soon cause an infection. I brought up couples therapy, but I think he thinks that’s a last resort for failing couples. I brought up getting my own therapist who can help me cope with this. I’ve talked to friends and family who have taken my side. I love him and don’t want him to see me as somebody who is controlling. But I want my feelings validated, and I can’t ignore this. If I’m wrong and dealing with this in the wrong way, that’s fine. I think talking to somebody and getting help will help me better deal with the situation and grow from this experience and to be a better person for us. I also think he’s afraid that somebody will tell him he’s wrong. He told one of his buddies what happened in our fight, and I heard it from his wife and that wasn’t the story at all. So either my husband lied about it, or his buddy was downplaying it. I’m really at wits’ end and emotional and upset. I know this is a lot.
—Inappropriate Best Friend
Prudie's response
quote:Let’s start with the good news: You’re aware that your own reaction to this situation has often been irrational and made you feel completely overwhelmed. Moreover, you’re prepared to start seeing a therapist to help you develop better coping strategies when it comes to your compulsive desire to control and isolate your husband. All of that is really promising. But this is more than just “a lot,” and your problem isn’t that your husband might see you as a controlling person. Your problem is that you have blown up over what was, at the absolute worst, a slightly off-color conversation about personal grooming between two close, platonic friends, not an attempt at seduction; you have doubled down on your initial explosion by demanding your husband end his friendship with this woman, then seeking her out yourself pretending you wanted to befriend her when what you actually wanted to do was scare her off.
I respectfully disagree that “the total opposite of [you]” is high-maintenance. By your own admission, you are wildly high-maintenance. Your behavior has been inappropriate and unhinged, and unless this is all incredibly out of character for you, I suspect it’s part of a long-standing pattern that needs to change right away if you’re ever going to be able to make your marriage work. You need to apologize to your husband and start seeing a therapist immediately to start figuring out better coping strategies for your insecurities and persecution complex. I’m deeply worried that you have multiple friends and family members who have taken your side over this. Anyone willing to validate your feelings over this is either completely out of touch themselves, or they’re not getting the version of the story you just told me.
I read the comments on this one, people are split between "uh there's nothing going on with your husband and his friend, you just don't like her" and "ACTUALLY women broach the subject of waxing their vajayjay as prelude to seduction."
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Jan 2, 2020 15:51
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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My Friend is Being a Jerk With Our Wedding Menu
quote:Dear Prudence,
I’m getting married in a few weeks. Because our friends have lots of dietary restrictions, we came up with the idea to throw a potluck wedding so everyone could have at least one thing they knew they could eat. Everyone seemed to think it was a great idea. We asked our friend “Sammi” to organize the list of who was bringing what, because we thought it would make her feel supported to have such an important role, plus it fit in naturally with her talents. But she’s taking the job too seriously, demanding everyone provide her with exhaustive ingredient lists and being very blunt. My uncle is a very shy person, and Sammi really upset him when she told him his proposed dish (chili and cornbread) was “inappropriate.
She also said some very hurtful and personal things to my sweetheart’s mother, who was not enthusiastic about the potluck idea to start with. Now I am hearing day and night from guests upset with Sammi’s behavior. Several people have suddenly said that they are not going to be able to cook, and a few people have started making excuses for why they won’t be able to come at all. My sister (who has her own issues) has said she does not feel safe around Sammi, and my future mother-in-law is being passive aggressive as usual and saying she is just going to bring marshmallow treats, which almost no one will be able to eat. (Who brings marshmallow treats to a wedding?) I almost want to call the whole thing off. How do I fix this mess? There is not enough time to change the plan now, and anyway we don’t want to disappoint the friends who have put so much thought into what they will cook.
—Boiled Over
quote:If there’s enough time to call the whole thing off, there’s enough time to change the plan. If Sammi is bullying your sensitive uncles and difficult mother-in-law, then it’s time to take Sammi off menu duty and to tell her why: “Sammi, we asked you to coordinate with our guests so we didn’t end up with nine versions of the same casserole, not so you could yell at people and tell them they’re not allowed to make cornbread. This isn’t working for us, so we’re going to hand over the job to someone else.” You and your fiancé should make your apologies to anyone who’s complained and reassure them that you had no idea Sammi would have treated them so rudely, and that she won’t be bothering them again.
Weddings are stressful. (I just had one last month!) And Sammi’s behavior has been genuinely atrocious. But some of this is small stuff. People bring marshmallow treats to potlucks. The worst-case scenario is that not many people eat the marshmallow treats and your mother-in-law has a lot of leftovers. One of the great things about passive-aggressive people, in comparison with aggressive people, is that if you just let them do whatever they were threatening to do, nothing bad really happens. “Fine! I guess I’ll just bring marshmallow treats,” can be met with “Great! Thanks for volunteering to bring marshmallow treats.”
You can have a longer conversation with Sammi about her behavior after the wedding when things no longer feel quite so dialed-in. In the meantime, reassign her duties to someone else, breathe, and enjoy your big day.
Loling at the marshmallow squares
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Jan 2, 2020 15:59
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- Leon Einstein
- Feb 6, 2012
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I must win every thread in GBS. I don't care how much banal semantic quibbling and shitty posts it takes.
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Not sure why people are talking like the dad would've been less angry had the woman lit up a cigarette. She's a dumbass that shouldn't be so obsessed with vaping that she does it without thinking at extremely inappropriate times. Dad's reaction was bad, but the news is full of people dying from vape lung lately.
Following her out is way overboard though.
Leon Einstein fucked around with this message at 16:09 on Jan 2, 2020
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Jan 2, 2020 16:05
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- Kitchner
- Nov 9, 2012
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IT CAN'T BE BARGAINED WITH.
IT CAN'T BE REASONED WITH.
IT DOESN'T FEEL PITY, OR REMORSE, OR FEAR.
AND IT ABSOLUTELY WILL NOT STOP, EVER, UNTIL YOU ADMIT YOU'RE WRONG ABOUT WARHAMMER
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Clapping Larry
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I work with a guy who smokes. He usually vapes now and it smells a hundred times better. I don't know enough to speak either way on the safety, but personally I truly cannot imagine being more bothered by someone vaping near me than someone smoking near me.
I think the point being made here is its OK to be bothered by both, and you don't have to accept someone vaping indoors or in your face, even accidentally, because "at least it's not a cigarette".
Anyone who disagrees with the above is basically posting one hell of a hot (smokey) take, and anyone who is arguing who agrees with that is essentially just arguing over nothing.
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Jan 2, 2020 16:12
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- Pirate Radar
- Apr 18, 2008
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You're not my Ruthie!
You're not my Debbie!
You're not my Sherry!
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Also mention tipping and cooking steak for an internet argument full web.
Circumcision, pit bulls
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Jan 2, 2020 16:20
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- Pinecone Sample
- Oct 12, 2010
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THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420
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AITA for forcing my vegan gf to hit the chili-flavored vapini while we were taking a tubby?
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Jan 2, 2020 16:29
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- teen witch
- Oct 9, 2012
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AITA for forcing my vegan gf to hit the chili-flavored vapini while we were taking a tubby?
ESH
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Jan 2, 2020 16:31
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- DemoneeHo
- Nov 9, 2017
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Come on hee-ho, just give us 300 more macca
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Whew, this one is a doozy. Also its the length of a novel. Skip to the bolded part in the update if you want to get straight to the good stuff.
I [23m] gained 70 pounds and ruined my relationship, is it okay to ask my girlfriend [23f] to stop making mean comments about it?
quote:(Title is wrong, my age is actually 24)
I just want to start by saying I don't blame her at all, she is a great girl and I pushed our relationship to breaking point by gaining so much weight that I am no longer attractive. It's all entirely my fault so I'm not angry with her.
It's just that the frequency and increasing nastiness of her comments are starting to get to me a little. Maybe I don't have a right to feel this way, I don't know.
I gained almost 70 pounds in our 2 year relationship, mostly due to depression, drinking, and letting up on my previous strict diet. When we started dating I was fit but a bit chunky at about 190 at 5'11. I had just lost about 40 pounds.
I gained that back plus about 25lbs more during our relationship and I got to 258 lbs at 5'11 at my biggest. I have now lost 7lbs on a diet. I'm disgusting. I can't even look at myself.
She brought it up after I had gained about 20lbs, and then the comments got more frequent and now she makes probably 3+ comments/insults a day about my weight.
Here are some example things she has done or said (I know these may seem bad but I'm not trying to demonise her, she is great otherwise) :
-She refers to me as her "morbidly obese boyfriend" to her friends and anyone else behind my back. I am morbidly obese (i think?) So she's not wrong but it's very embarrassing. I guess I deserve it though.
-We had an argument (rare) where she called me "a disgusting fat pig" and said she was "counting down the days until I died of obesity" She apologised for that one and we had a good talk about things after, but she soon went back to the comments.
-She buys me clothes that are too small (she says it's not on purpose but I think it is) and then says something like "wow I can't believe you've grown out of that already!" One time she made me come with her to the shop to return a pair of jeans and swap for a bigger size. She made a massive fuss about it with the employees and basically just humiliated me in front of everyone in the store.
-She said she would only have sex with me if I lost "at least" 70 pounds. She says she can't help but find fat extremely unattractive. I do understand that and it's okay to have preferences. I'm doing my best to reach that goal, and I want to lose even more than that.
-She calls me greedy and says I have no self control. She isn't wrong, but she will make me food then if I eat it all say that i have no self control..? I never eat the full amount anymore, so I guess that tactic worked. If she makes me food I'll only eat like a quarter of it so she doesn't say anything.
I get anxiety whenever I eat in front of people now. I get like sweaty palms and think everyone is looking at me. I went out for christmas dinner with my friends and only ended up eating a few bites because I was so anxious. I know that's a good thing and I should be thanking her for that, but I don't want that anxiety to stay even when I lose weight. This isn't her fault though obviously, she is not responsible for my anxiety.
She tries to control everything I eat. I am on a diet and have lost 7lbs in the last two weeks. Not much I know, but I am going to start a water fast at the start of the new year. She didn't force me to do that, but I hate myself to the point where i would rather be dead than live in this body any longer, so I want to lose weight as quick as I possibly can.
I know it's not her fault at all, I ruined the relationship when I gained weight, not her. Her reaction is understandable, she doesn't want a fat boyfriend. It must have been frustrating to watch me gain all that weight. I feel terrible for what I've done to her.
She always says how much happier I will be if I lose weight and I know she's right.
It's just I can't help but feel hurt and almost...afraid of her sometimes? Not like actually afraid, just like afraid that I am physically repulsing her. I unconsciously suck in my stomach whenever I'm around her now. Sometimes she treats me like I'm the most disgusting thing she's ever seen. I agree that I am physically repulsive but I can't help but be hurt sometimes.
Should I just accept it? That's what I have been doing so far.
However, since I have started losing weight, is it okay to ask her to stop making comments?
Tldr; girlfriend frequently comments on my weight after I gained nearly 70 pounds. It's not her fault, but sometimes things she does are quite hurtful and I want to ask her to stop.
[UPDATE] I [24m] gained 70 pounds and ruined my relationship. Is it okay to ask my girlfriend [23f] to stop making mean comments about it?
quote:Original post:
/r/relationship_advice/comments/egvgs0/i_23m_gained_70_pounds_and_ruined_my_relationship
Sorry this is kind of long, but it did get quite eventful.
Thank you so much to everyone who commented. It helped me see my relationship in a different light, so thank you all, even the ones who said I deserved it.
The general consensus was that she was abusive which honestly shocked me at first, I really expected every comment to support how she treated me and say she was just trying to help etc.
I thought I deserved to be abused for gaining weight, I still kind of believe that, but I think most people treat their partners with kindness. I never want anyone to feel the way i did due to their partner. Also, the high stress/anxiety levels I felt constantly are pretty terrible for losing weight.
I had convinced myself that i was disgusting and undeserving of love and she was just trying to help, but I now realise she probably wasn't even trying to help me at all. It's hard to think that of her, because I love her a lot still despite her faults.
I realised there were a lot of things in our relationship that I was uncomfortable with that I felt like I could never bring up because she would get upset and start crying so I would end up comforting her, or she would just turn it on me and get angry and blame me. Things always had to go her way or she would start crying.
My girlfriend was entirely dependent on me for money and I paid for literally 95% of things. She never wanted to get a job because I paid for her. I was okay with this because i loved her and felt like i had to prove myself to be worthy of her. I paid all the rent and bills.
*START READING HERE*
2 days ago (NYE) I was in our bedroom on my phone when I got a text. It was from an unknown number calling me a "fat gently caress" and something about how I didn't deserve my girlfriend. This wasn't too unusual, I have been receiving abusive texts from several different random numbers for months. Mostly about my weight but also about all sorts of things.
I had several ideas of who it could be, and it was honestly eating me up inside. It was giving me extreme anxiety because they seemed to know so much about me.
A few hours later, on a whim I decided to call the number. I have done this before but it never got answered. I even spoofed my phone number and still nothing.
You can probably see where this is going. Vibration came from my girlfriends bag in the cupboard. I guess she forgot to put it on silent. It was like the biggest sinking feeling I have ever felt. She had purchased a burner phone specifically for texting me abuse. She took time out of her day just to put me down anonymously and wear me down further. She wanted me to be hurt and not trust anyone around me.
I truly never thought she was responsible for them. The thought had come into my head a couple times, but I immediately pushed it out. I didn't believe she was capable of something like that. She was always sympathetic when I got the texts and was "trying to help me found out who sent them".
It hurt so badly. I could almost forgive everything else but everyone has a breaking point.. I just feel completely worthless. How disgusting must i be if my own girlfriend wants to say these things to me.. why would she do this? I don't understand. I guess she wanted me to be under her control and even more dependent on her emotionally. I'm trying to get out of the mindset that I deserve this.
I knew I had to end it and I had to do it before she would make me change my mind. I gathered all her stuff up and put it into bags. I was getting extremely upset while doing it and almost stopped, but I was also angry. I don't really get angry, and I previously just accepted her treatment, but something in me just snapped. I was actually mad at her for once.
She was at her friend's house preparing to go out for NYE. I did feel guilty for ruining her night, but she had already ruined mine. I wanted to try and leave her in 2019 and start the new year without her.
I had to do it right then before I thought about it too much and forgave her like I did for everything else she has done. I called a locksmith to come and change the locks.
I knew she would have an extreme reaction to being broken up with (by her obese boyfriend who doesn't deserve her) no matter the circumstances anyway, so I just had to do it.
I texted her, "I found your other phone. I love you (her name) but I can't put up with this poo poo any more. All your stuff is in bags in the hall. Please come by and collect it tomorrow. I changed the locks so you will have to let me know when you're coming beforehand. Happy new year."
Yes...saying happy new year was a bit petty.
To say she didn't respond well to this would be an understatement. She called me crying, telling me she was sorry and would stop. She told me she was just trying to help me and that she was doing it out of love, she told me she loved me more than anything and she was so sorry... I almost believed her, but I didn't give in. I apologised to her and hung up.
She called me back 2 minutes later angry and screaming how could i dare do this to her, called me a fat disgusting piece of poo poo and said she never loved me. She screamed that she never wanted me and that no one ever will. She screamed that even my own family didn't care about me (this hurt because my mum was an abusive drug addict and my dad left when i was 10 and i haven't seen him since). She said that whenever we had sex she was thinking about her ex and praying for it to be over. I guess she was just trying to say anything that would hurt me.
I blocked her number. She called me back again on her friends phone screaming how dare could I block her and how dare i could leave her with no place to stay on NYE. I didn't do that, I would never leave her without a place to sleep. She could go to her parents and she has plenty money (that i gave her) so she could get a taxi and stay in a hotel if she preferred. She also said beforehand that she was staying at her friend's that night anyway.
She posted on her Instagram story that she was "heartbroken" and that her "boyfriend had left her homeless on NYE due to a little misunderstanding. After everything he put me through, he still does this. I loved him and thought he loved me, but I guess I was wrong"
I then received messages from her friends telling me I'm a horrible person and she deserves so much better than me. Her mother (unpleasant person) called me saying she was calling the police on me (??) and that i was abusive. She also brought up my weight and said that it was "laughable that i would break up with her looking the way i do" and I "would never get anyone better".
All of this was stressing me out to the extreme. I hate confrontation in any form and I think i was just constantly shaking the whole evening.
My girlfriend's friend ended up calling me on a different number and said that she and her boyfriend weren't comfortable letting my girlfriend stay over at their house anymore. They were freaked out due to my gf screaming abuse at me on the phone, and she was apparently screaming at them as well and saying she was going to kill me.
All her other friends at the house were freaked out too and she was effectively uninvited from their NYE night and they were trying to find a way to get her to leave.
She was telling them that she had no money and no way of getting to her parents. This was just a straight up lie, I had given her £500 several days ago. I sent her an extra £100 out of guilt anyway.
I don't know where she went for a few hours but she came back to my house around 2am and started trying to kick the door in and picked up a rock and tried to smash the window (it broke the window but didn't smash all the way through). She was screaming and crying through the letter box. I ended up caving and letting her in once she calmed down somewhat, as my brother was there with me to back me up.
She was drunk and tried to attack me but I held her back. Eventually she just started crying. I felt really bad for her at this point and was almost ready to let her stay just for the night, but thankfully my brother ended up getting a taxi with her to take her to a hotel for the night.
I felt really terrible the next day. I loved her and we spent two years together. I keep wondering if she's right, that I will never find anyone again. I can't see why anyone would want me. I also feel really guilty for what I did and I was probably too harsh on her to just kick her out like that.
Her mother came to collect her stuff yesterday and started screaming at me, saying that I ruined her daughter's life etc etc. I feel really bad.
I hope she's okay and I want her to get help and realise why she treats people the way she does. I know I wasn't the first, I brushed off so many stories about her and just ignored all the signs.
With the weight loss, I am currently continuing my diet instead of water fasting like i planned. I want to try and do a sustainable diet instead of just starving myself for a month and probably gaining it back. I want to try a 7 day water fast to detox though.
I also need to stop relying on alcohol to relax in the evening, it was a big reason I gained the weight. I realised I have been consuming at least 600 calories a day in alcohol alone (3 pints of beer). I definitely used it to cope with stress and I need to develop better coping mechanisms.
I'm going to lose all the weight in 2020 and I'm also going to get into therapy so I can sort my head out, there are so many unhealthy thoughts i have and i don't think hating yourself as much as I do is normal.
I feel sad but strangely relieved and like I can actually make changes in my life without her.
TLDR; found out my gf was behind abusive anonymous texts i have been receiving for months, dumped her by text on nye, caused a bit of chaos and she tried to break into my house and smash my windows. She has moved back in with her parents. I'm continuing my diet and losing weight.
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Jan 2, 2020 16:33
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- Pinecone Sample
- Oct 12, 2010
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THIS ACCOUNT HAS BEEN SEIZED
by the United States Federal Bureau of Investigation in accordance with a seizure warrant issued pursuant to 69 U.S.C Sec. 420
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AITA for ruining Christmas & NYE because I was removed from my mom and dad's wills?
quote:
I'm the only child, of 4, who is not having kids. I'm happily married, and we own a pretty nice house. Because of its size and somewhat "rustic" appeal, we've hosted the last 6 holiday years. We're the only people who have a house big enough, kitchen large enough, etc. It's always been a lot of work and we're always left with a trashed house after. We have 4 "spare" rooms so some people stay with us. We always pay for most of the food, do most of the cooking, etc.
After Thanksgiving dinner, my family and I were sitting around chatting. My dad got agitated because we wouldn't give him the answer he wanted about kids, and said "Well if you're not going to contribute to this family, why should you be included in our wills?"
I was shocked. It's not like there's some huge payday coming. I'd be surprised if I was originally going to get anything but someone's old heirlooms. It's less about me feeling entitled to anything.
But what he said really got under my skin. A few of my siblings nodded along and were like "Yeah, why should you get when you don't give?"
My dad got a very stern, angry look on his face when I said "What?" and said "Don't like it? Too bad. Deal with it."
I said "So does everyone really feel that way?" and people nodded and murmured and didn't look at me.
So I got up and started collecting everyone's crap from around my home, where I'd spent the past few days preparing meals, cleaning, entertaining obnoxious kids, and threw it all in a pile on the floor. My husband joined in.
I said "Since we apparently don't contribute to this family, no one should be upset that our home is now closed. You may all leave now. Please be gone by 4PM." It was 3:30. There was yelling and my dad getting angry and calling me a selfish brat. My husband and I just went to our bedroom and locked the door. Several people pounded on it telling me they couldn't just leave, it's a 5 hour drive with wired kids. I said "Don't like it? Too bad. Deal with it."
Everyone left. My house was a mess. I was upset. My phone got blown up with messages.
Days later the family group chat started up with plans for Christmas. Everyone decided to just "forget" what happened at Thanksgiving and people were planning on when they'd arrived -- at our house -- for Christmas Eve. I chimed in with "Just a reminder, we are not hosting. Please make other arrangements. No one will be staying with us."
Turns out they didn't have anyone else who would host, so there was no Christmas. A lot of lovely messages on FB and other platforms later, I've been called every name under the sun. But I don't think I'm at all wrong. If they don't think I contribute, then I won't contribute.
AITA?
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Jan 2, 2020 16:34
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