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I wrote a series of comics at 14-16 about a drug addicted anthropomorphic Cockney turtle called Jerry the Junkie Turtle who'd get into wacky adventures. He had a straight laced brother who'd get brutally killed in every single story, a concept stolen from South Park. The only story I remember clearly has him getting a divorce from his wife, a living skull called Scully, and every other frame was him saying some pick up line to a different woman followed by a frame that was just CENSORED in big block letters on a black background with the pick up lines getting more nonsensical each time. I wish I had done anything as wonderfully bad as Eye of Argon. FreudianSlippers has a new favorite as of 00:46 on Jan 7, 2020 |
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Jan 7, 2020 00:44
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I wrote a picture book about a dragon and a rabbit who were best friends. That's all I remember but I'm sure it was excellent.
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Jan 7, 2020 01:12
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You have to be gifted to write something as jaw-droppingly bad as Eye of Argon. I couldn't write that badly if I tried.
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Jan 7, 2020 01:23
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Pretty sure that I wrote what was essentially some sort of Fallout/Full Metal Jacket crossover ripoff when I was 15, submitted it as homework and got a really high mark for it which just goes to show that if your teacher is 60+ and nobody else is gonna read it you can reliably rip the plot off anything even relatively modern and get away with it. I might even still have it, will have a look for anything on par with "vertiginous bosoms of husking" or whatever.
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Jan 7, 2020 01:49
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Qwertycoatl posted:I more or less agree with the view I read somewhere that Eye of Argon was chosen because it is, in many ways, not nearly as bad as most bad writing. The pacing is fine, the plot is at least serviceable and the imagery is... vivid. It's the word choice that really makes it special. Whereas most bad writing is just boring with the occasional ludicrous passage. I agree with this. My friends and I used to play the Argon Game with random Internet garbage writing, and while a lot of it had goofy enough prose to work, you frequently ran into really boring patches or stuff just getting gross in an unfunny way. You really need a brisk pace and consistent absurdity, and not much delivers.
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Jan 7, 2020 01:50
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Antivehicular posted:I agree with this. My friends and I used to play the Argon Game with random Internet garbage writing, and while a lot of it had goofy enough prose to work, you frequently ran into really boring patches or stuff just getting gross in an unfunny way. You really need a brisk pace and consistent absurdity, and not much delivers. Reminds me of reading, was it weeping cock? the old live journal that collect bad fanfiction. Most of the entries were the same kind of tab-A-slot-B descriptions but applied to some niche fetish or extreme situation. Maybe you'd fine something weird in concept, but the style was all so samey it got old pretty fast.
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Jan 7, 2020 02:17
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there wolf posted:Reminds me of reading, was it weeping cock? the old live journal that collect bad fanfiction. Most of the entries were the same kind of tab-A-slot-B descriptions but applied to some niche fetish or extreme situation. Maybe you'd fine something weird in concept, but the style was all so samey it got old pretty fast. It definitely was Weeping Cock. I found out about those Wraethru books through them.
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Jan 7, 2020 02:36
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When I was maybe 13? I wrote a book about some archeologist who discovered loki's giant skeleton in the mountains, but IT WOULD COME ALIVE AT NIGHT AND KILL PEOPLE IN THE MUSEUM and there was some special knife that did something I forget and basically holy poo poo it was bad.
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Jan 7, 2020 02:49
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One of my earliest creative writing exercises that I actually remember was in elementary school. It was about a secret agent planting a bomb in the evil bad guy's lair and escaping, and I just shamelessly stole everything I could from video games. The gadgets were from Perfect Dark and the escape sequence was from the ending of the PS1 Spider-Man game. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=_jrpk3UmIfI&t=3111s
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Jan 7, 2020 03:00
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Strom Cuzewon posted:PYF Dumb poo poo You Wrote As A Kid My great aunt told us how as a kid instead of "minä laitoin tähden kuusen latvaan" (I put the star at the top of the [Yule] tree) wrote "minä tähden kusen latvaan" (To the top [of a tree] I piss the star) in a "what I did on Yule" writing assignment. This would've been the early 1920s.
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Jan 7, 2020 03:18
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Jerry Cotton posted:My great aunt told us how as a kid instead of "minä laitoin tähden kuusen latvaan" (I put the star at the top of the [Yule] tree) wrote "minä tähden kusen latvaan" (To the top [of a tree] I piss the star) in a "what I did on Yule" writing assignment. This would've been the early 1920s. 
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Jan 7, 2020 04:24
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Tulalip Tulips posted:It definitely was Weeping Cock. I found out about those Wraethru books through them. defeating the aliens with a giant crystal of acid jizz
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Jan 7, 2020 08:59
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there wolf posted:weeping cock There is no way in hell I'm googling that.
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Jan 7, 2020 09:00
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divabot posted:acid jizz Jamiroquai cover of star war cantina music
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Jan 7, 2020 09:45
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YOU’RE GETTING YOUR ASSES BEATEN BY BISHONEN, FOR gently caress’S SAKE. MOTHERFUCKING PSYCHLOS HAVE BETTER MILITARY STRATEGY.
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Jan 7, 2020 11:20
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divabot posted:YOU’RE GETTING YOUR ASSES BEATEN BY BISHONEN, FOR gently caress’S SAKE. MOTHERFUCKING PSYCHLOS HAVE BETTER MILITARY STRATEGY. oof ow my early 2000's memories oof
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Jan 7, 2020 11:38
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Tulalip Tulips posted:It definitely was Weeping Cock. I found out about those Wraethru books through them. divabot posted:YOU’RE GETTING YOUR ASSES BEATEN BY BISHONEN, FOR gently caress’S SAKE. MOTHERFUCKING PSYCHLOS HAVE BETTER MILITARY STRATEGY. Over two decades of internet and I still remember the first time I learned about this as clear as day.
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Jan 7, 2020 21:44
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divabot posted:defeating the aliens with a giant crystal of acid jizz Is that where those books ended up? I made it abut halfway through the first one and they started talking poo poo about women, so I walked away.
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Jan 7, 2020 23:09
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SUPERMAN'S GAL PAL posted:Over two decades of internet and I still remember the first time I learned about this as clear as day. For the longest time I thought it was an RPG.net in joke.
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Jan 7, 2020 23:17
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AlbieQuirky posted:I Don’t Even Own a Television exists, and it is loving delightful. I love that podcast. They had an episode reading a continuation of the old Doc Savage and The Shadow pulp books that came out recently, complete with old timey writing and they loved it, so it’s not just terrible books. Just mostly terrible books, the good ones seem to mostly be an accident. I actually heard about them when either this thread or a different terrible books thread mentioned their Girl With the Dragon Tattoo episode, which is fantastic.
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Jan 7, 2020 23:36
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Raise your hand if you wrote Final Fantasy VI fanfic and turned it in as a high school class assignment. *raises hand*
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Jan 8, 2020 00:33
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Senior Woodchuck posted:Raise your hand if you wrote Final Fantasy VI fanfic and turned it in as a high school class assignment. A friend of mine once turned in a Digimon fanfic. I held her in disdain for this; I took the obvious artistic and ethical high road of writing about my freeform roleplaying character instead.
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Jan 8, 2020 00:37
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it was Myst and it was a middle school assignment tyvm
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Jan 8, 2020 00:38
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scooby doo and I was no older than 6
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Jan 8, 2020 00:41
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Djeser posted:it was Myst and it was a middle school assignment tyvm In middle school a friend and I turned in fanfic of The Avengers (the BBC 60s spy show, Emma Peel era). This was pre-internet. I feel old now
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Jan 8, 2020 00:49
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I never turned in fanfic for homework, thankfully. But I did perform Cid Highwind's theme as 'my own' composition for Orchestra.
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Jan 8, 2020 01:24
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I did several English book reports where I just made up a book on the spot, usually basing it loosely on some film I'd seen with different names. Either the teacher knew and didn't care or thought I was reading a lot of books that had the same plot as old horror movies. The only one I can remember was just Dawn of the Dead in space called Solaris (I was not aware of the Tarkovsky film at the time) FreudianSlippers has a new favorite as of 13:25 on Jan 8, 2020 |
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Jan 8, 2020 12:58
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FreudianSlippers posted:I did several English book reports where I just made up a book on the spot, usually basing it loosely on some film I'd seen with different names. Honestly I'd be impressed at the creativity.
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Jan 8, 2020 13:08
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Senior Woodchuck posted:Raise your hand if you wrote Final Fantasy VI fanfic and turned it in as a high school class assignment. I remember in gymnasium a nerd turned in an essay based on a Weis-Hickman Dragonlance novel and after that our Finnish teacher stopped accepting work based on fantasy literature. I was in the middle of reading Reaper Man and didn't want to start another book so I wrote the thing as if it were just a novel about death, leaving out anything that might indicate it was a loving fairy tale, banking on the teacher never having heard of Pratchett (I hadn't, I just liked the cover). It worked. Come to think of it, I'm pretty sure it would've been a much better novel without all the fantasy-fantasy stuff.
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Jan 8, 2020 13:08
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A kid in eighth grade did an oral book report on Piers Anthony's Firefly, an "erotic horror" novel that is a) open pedophile apologia and b) dogshit. It was infamous in our middle school for being "Piers Anthony with real sex in it," because we were stupid kids and all, and he was going for the edgy coolness of actually doing a report on it. I recall the oral report being fairly short and sheepish once he realized what he was doing. The same kid went on to get suspended for three days for turning in an "Oregon Trail diary" English assignment about Hannibal Lecter, Jean-Luc Picard, and Samwise Gamgee as bandits fleeing eastern justice by posing as settlers on the trail, only for Sam and Picard to die of Oregon Trail diseases and Hannibal to snap and massacre the rest of the wagon train, who were all the characters from a dire Oregon Trail novel we'd had to read for class. Sean, wherever you are, you're still my hero.
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Jan 8, 2020 13:59
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Antivehicular posted:A kid in eighth grade did an oral book report on Piers Anthony's Firefly, an "erotic horror" novel that is a) open pedophile apologia and b) dogshit. It was infamous in our middle school for being "Piers Anthony with real sex in it," because we were stupid kids and all, and he was going for the edgy coolness of actually doing a report on it. I recall the oral report being fairly short and sheepish once he realized what he was doing. I had heard Piers Anthony was worrisome but I never really was curious enough to find out exactly how until one of my favorite blogs did a really deep dive into him as a preface for discussing a computer game based on his books and whoa nellie I think the most embarrassing thing I will ever admit on the forums is the sentence immediately following this one. In sixth grade, I did a book report on a MACK BOLAN: THE EXECUTIONER novel I bought at the grocery store.
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Jan 8, 2020 14:33
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there wolf posted:Is that where those books ended up? I made it abut halfway through the first one and they started talking poo poo about women, so I walked away. i wrote about the books on this very thread a few years ago, and wrote it up as a blog post. storm constantine's other books are apparently much better, but her erotic Ziggy Stardust fanfic makes the loving m-o-n-e-y, so
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Jan 8, 2020 15:21
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divabot posted:i wrote about the books on this very thread a few years ago, and wrote it up as a blog post. quote:"a weapon of mass destruction made of painstakingly collected horrendously acidic crystal jizz" sorry, a what
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Jan 8, 2020 15:24
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I liked Xanth as a kid. I stopped reading them because even as a literal middle-schooler his habit of writing to (I assume young, female) fans in the forwards of his books was just weird and creepy. I think he called them all “Ligeia” or something. It didn’t sit well with me. Fast forward to my 20s when I find out that not only is the dude a pedophile apologist, he’s literally a pedophile publishing rape scenes by his pedo pen pals. Needless to say if I see my kids reading him at any point we’re going to have a discussion.
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Jan 8, 2020 15:39
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Firefly might be the worst book I’ve ever read. It’s like atlas shrugged for pedophiles. ...well another atlas shrugged for pedophiles
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Jan 8, 2020 15:49
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Pastry of the Year posted:I had heard Piers Anthony was worrisome but I never really was curious enough to find out exactly how until one of my favorite blogs did a really deep dive into him as a preface for discussing a computer game based on his books and whoa nellie Jesus christ reading that article goes from "I get it this guy is a hack and his books sound terrible even through the lens of the 70s" to "his books should be destroyed, probably along with the author", I knew about his reputation from these forums but gently caress, that's nasty. quote:I think the most embarrassing thing I will ever admit on the forums is the sentence immediately following this one. In sixth grade, I did a book report on a MACK BOLAN: THE EXECUTIONER novel I bought at the grocery store. Read this as "MARC BOLAN: EXECUTIONER" and now I'm imagining a story where he had to fake his death to cover up his double life as a top government hit man, travelling the world under the guise of a hit singer like a proto Derek Zoolander.
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Jan 8, 2020 16:26
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Powerful Two-Hander posted:Jesus christ reading that article goes from "I get it this guy is a hack and his books sound terrible even through the lens of the 70s" to "his books should be destroyed, probably along with the author", I knew about his reputation from these forums but gently caress, that's nasty. He had already hinted at this life in Dandy in the Underworld. Content: My taste in literature wasn't that squicky in school, but I did rip off a book called "Snot Stew" for a creative writing exercise in fifth grade. I also wrote about pro wrasslin at least once, so that makes up for any high ground I might could claim.
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Jan 8, 2020 18:06
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Piers Anthony makes John Ringo look like a voice for progressive, feminist sexual politics. He's that much of a predatory creep.
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Jan 8, 2020 18:28
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Antivehicular posted:The same kid went on to get suspended for three days for turning in an "Oregon Trail diary" English assignment about Hannibal Lecter, Jean-Luc Picard, and Samwise Gamgee as bandits fleeing eastern justice by posing as settlers on the trail, only for Sam and Picard to die of Oregon Trail diseases and Hannibal to snap and massacre the rest of the wagon train, who were all the characters from a dire Oregon Trail novel we'd had to read for class. Sean, wherever you are, you're still my hero. See we when got this same assignment I just wrote that some classmates I didn't like died from poops. I clearly lacked authorial vision.
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Jan 8, 2020 18:45
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I handed in a New Kids on the Block fanfic when I was 11 or so. Teacher was highly amused but let me get away with it.
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Jan 8, 2020 20:04
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