The BYOB Fine Dining Effortpost Funhouse

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FutonForensic

Manifisto posted:

I have seen recipes for doing this thing and have always been curious, but it does seem like a bunch of effort and maybe a bit disturbing to boot. it's one of the areas where cooks illustrated/best recipe is a bit maddening, they're always like "chicken in a v roaster is fine but have you flattened it and cooked it on high heat and oh yeah air dried it for 24 hours in the fridge and also dry brined it u piece of poo poo I thought not u suck and ur chicken is garbage"

a simple sugar + salt brine is easy and keeps the bird juicy as it roasts. flattening makes roasting actually easier as it takes out the need to flip the bird halfway through cooking, and allows it to cook more evenly. air drying and high heat get crispier skin but i wouldn't deem them mandatory. any combination of those techniques will probably make a nice chicken, but brine + flatten are my preference

# ? Dec 8, 2019 06:44

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# ? May 17, 2024 06:13

poverty goat

Manifisto posted:

but have you flattened it and cooked it on high heat and oh yeah air dried it for 24 hours in the fridge and also dry brined it u piece of poo poo I thought not u suck and ur chicken is garbage"

time is often the most important ingredient in good food

# ? Dec 8, 2019 15:26

poverty goat

personally I think a dry brine is fine most of the time especially on a bird you want to have crispy skin. just season it good, spatchcock it and leave it out in the fridge the night before. this doesn't take any more of your time than seasoning and spatchcocking it right before you cook it, but all the hours you will infuse it with while you sleep and go to work will turn it into a juicier, more flavorful bird

# ? Dec 8, 2019 15:31

poverty goat

i have a whole philosophy for chickens now. most people look at a chicken as white meat, dark meat, and trash, and I think that's kind of emblematic of our hosed up modern relationship with meat. I try to only buy whole chickens, or just the extra parts (feet & backs for stock), and break down and use the whole thing. sometimes I do miss the ease of just buying 8 chicken thighs and having them all cook at the same speed, but there's no going back to grocery store chicken stock, not in a million years

# ? Dec 8, 2019 15:37

Escape From Noise

I once cooked a whole chicken, used the bones and bits for stock, then made enchiladas out of all of it. It was a really cool and rewarding project but man it's been a second since I've had the time, and I don't have an oven at the moment.

Thank you Pot Smoke Pheonnix for this Kickin' Rad sig

# ? Dec 8, 2019 15:43

poverty goat

There's a big international market near me with an actual butcher shop in the back that actually still breaks down chickens and things in-house, where you can buy 10 pounds of meaty chicken backs and a couple of pounds of feet on the cheap, and they make the richest most flavorful stock ever. Between batches whatever chicken bones I produce go into the freezer. The key is just to make a lot at once, and freeze it. It's not really time-effective for a quart or two of stock.

# ? Dec 8, 2019 15:53

Finger Prince

I've done a spatchcock before, it's pretty easy with some heavy duty scissors. But really the best way to cook a whole chicken is to get one fresh off the rotisserie from the grocery store or butcher.

# ? Dec 8, 2019 16:03

poverty goat

my microwave has a fancy hybrid mode that roasts and microwaves the chicken at the same time, and it produces the most insanely juicy and tender 5 pound chicken with crispy skin in like an hour and 15 minutes, but I've only ever done it twice because it makes a huge mess of the microwave

# ? Dec 8, 2019 16:05

Escape From Noise

Home fries! Home fries! Home fries!

# ? Dec 11, 2019 06:18

shabbat goy

I made some barbacoa de cachete (kinda) after getting a screamin' deal on some beef cheeks

10 hrs later:

I also made some potato enchiladas to throw it on top of but didn't take a pic of those.

It was so good, like spicy adobo beef jelly.

# ? Dec 16, 2019 02:37

Escape From Noise

My friend gave me a yuzu from his grandpa's tree or something. I'm not totally sure what to make with it. Especially since I don't really have time to cook lately.

# ? Dec 16, 2019 03:42

joke_explainer

I think all the things you mention as being too fussy are just methods to get what you want. I mean, you could say the same thing with any level of preparation.

For me, I like crispy skin, and not overcooking the breast, so spatchcocking is kind of the best method. It basically makes the chicken a flat layer of meat, and the legs are out and more exposed to the heat. We want the legs to get hotter than the breast, so this works. High heat browns the skin.

Turkey, I dry brine, I don't typically do that with a chicken though, just salt and dry off the skin so it crisps up.

# ? Dec 16, 2019 10:31

Manifisto

all that is fine but I find it rude when published recipes go out of the way to insult me by name, "literal piece of poo poo" is just not professional food writing imo

ty nesamdoom!

# ? Dec 16, 2019 15:42

Finger Prince

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

My friend gave me a yuzu from his grandpa's tree or something. I'm not totally sure what to make with it. Especially since I don't really have time to cook lately.

A fancy cocktail with gin.

# ? Dec 16, 2019 16:06

Papa Was A Video Toaster

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=XO5DF8soxwM
Gordon Ramsay: also a garlic press user

# ? Dec 24, 2019 20:41

poverty goat

The greatest secret of garlic is it's almost always fine to just smash it and slice it thin on one axis and that's easy

# ? Dec 25, 2019 04:18

joke_explainer

What have you been eating or cooking, BYOB?

# ? Jan 4, 2020 08:05

treasure bear

lasang

# ? Jan 4, 2020 16:15

Bo-Pepper: Want some rye?
Course ya do!

i have not been taking pictures of food lately but here are pictures of boy-pepper enjoying a tasty hot chocolate

# ? Jan 6, 2020 19:24

poverty goat

the other night i made kind of a sesame chicken but with chickpeas and the homemade chili oil and it was pretty delicious
last night after midnight i had 2 hotdogs on toast with diced onions, dill pickles, ketchup and green sauce and it did not cure what ailed me, because i still had to fight the urge to eat 5 more of them to go to sleep
tonight im probably going to do crispy roasted potatoes w/ rosemary, w/ a pan fried pork chop

# ? Jan 7, 2020 14:40

Gone Fashing: KEEP POSTIN
I'M STILL LAFFIN

made this white chicken chili in the instant pot:

https://www.budgetbytes.com/slow-cooker-white-chicken-chili/

it is very good, cheap and easy to make. winter food feels~

# ? Jan 7, 2020 21:15

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

Gone Fashing posted:

made this white chicken chili in the instant pot:

https://www.budgetbytes.com/slow-cooker-white-chicken-chili/

it is very good, cheap and easy to make. winter food feels~

I'm gonna make this :henget:

# ? Jan 7, 2020 21:20

Gone Fashing: KEEP POSTIN
I'M STILL LAFFIN

report back! i like to use only half an onion.m because an entire yellow onion diced up is just too much. I also like to use thighs instead of breast because dark meat is better

# ? Jan 7, 2020 21:40

Areola Grande: it's a free country u pervs

will do

# ? Jan 7, 2020 21:50

poverty goat

I did a good job

# ? Jan 8, 2020 01:34

Randy Travesty: PHANTOM QUEEN

Your dog picture is off center

# ? Jan 8, 2020 01:43

Finger Prince

Lemme share my crispy roasted potato recipe (actually I stole it from Heston Blumenthal but I don't feel bad at all about it):
This is for peeled potatoes, so if you like the skins this isn't one to try, but sometimes you just want crispy oily carbs and to hell with paying lip service to healthfulness by leaving the skins on. Also you can put the skins in a fine mesh sieve or cheese cloth (I use a tea strainer) and boil them with the potatoes, which supposedly adds some flavour back into them but I don't know if that's bullshit or not.
Also it takes a long rear end time so bear that in mind.
So first, you peel and chop your potatoes into largish pieces. Small ones you could halve, big ones will be like 8ths or whatever. Then boil the crap out of them until they're almost ready to fall apart. Like you're going to make mashed potatoes. Tip them into a colander and give em a flip, to break them up around the edges. Let them chill out until they stop steaming otherwise they'll be too moist. Make sure there's some space between them so they get air and can dry out some.
Then tip them into a roasting pan and glug glug a bunch of olive oil onto them. Be generous. Gently mix them around with the oil so they're fully coated. At this point you can add some dried rosemary that you crushed in a mortar or whatever. Then roast those guys at 350F for an hour to an hour and a half, maybe more but that should be enough. Perfect roast potatoes!

Oh yeah since I live in the land of sad potatoes now, where the only options are white, red, yellow, and roasting (like what even is a varietal who the gently caress knows or cares right??), Yukon golds work well for this.

# ? Jan 8, 2020 03:11

Resting Lich Face: This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.

The above works better if you add baking soda to the water when you boil them.

# ? Jan 8, 2020 03:40

Finger Prince

Resting Lich Face posted:

The above works better if you add baking soda to the water when you boil them.

Duly noted

# ? Jan 8, 2020 03:49

Resting Lich Face: This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.

The baking soda makes the outer layers of starch in the potatos break down better so you need to boil them a bit less to get the same amount of gooey potato olive oil paste on the outside to crisp up. Maintains structural integrity a bit for when you toss them in the oil and when flip them in the pan during baking.

# ? Jan 8, 2020 03:54

poverty goat

i pretty much never peel potatoes for anything. the skins add color, flavor & nutrition and are always welcome i say. anyway, if there's a secret to those potatoes, it's the schmaltz, and the 6 or 8 cloves of garlic I crushed and cooked into the schmaltz on low for about 20 minutes

Resting Lich Face posted:

The baking soda makes the outer layers of starch in the potatos break down better so you need to boil them a bit less to get the same amount of gooey potato olive oil paste on the outside to crisp up. Maintains structural integrity a bit for when you toss them in the oil and when flip them in the pan during baking.

generally speaking, higher ph ~~ better browning. this shows up here and there in kenji recipes, like the shortcut to carmelized onions in this recipe.

poverty goat fucked around with this message at 13:41 on Jan 8, 2020

# ? Jan 8, 2020 13:32

Finger Prince

poverty goat posted:

i pretty much never peel potatoes for anything. the skins add color, flavor & nutrition and are always welcome i say. anyway, if there's a secret to those potatoes, it's the schmaltz, and the 6 or 8 cloves of garlic I crushed and cooked into the schmaltz on low for about 20 minutes

generally speaking, higher ph ~~ better browning. this shows up here and there in kenji recipes, like the shortcut to carmelized onions in this recipe.

Oh yeah they do look good. I love all skin-on potatoes too, and pretty much all potatoes. But my partner doesn't like them unless they're roasted like I described or mashed with loads of cream and garlic and other roots, so I don't eat them as much as I'd like.
That's neat to know about the pH and adding baking soda, I never knew that before. I could never really brown onions right before, I'll have to try it.

# ? Jan 8, 2020 13:57

poverty goat

I made this pizza

# ? Jan 15, 2020 01:30

itty bitty baby boy: how do you do that thing with colored text in this box

poverty goat posted:

I made this pizza

that's a good looking slice. good looking broccos and dog. lots of good. i was thinking of making sausage+onion pizza with some leftover nice sausage, please tell me about your pizza dough.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 09:52

Escape From Noise

Have a pot of lentil and veggie soup simmering on the stove right now. Half based on my mom's recipe, half based on the masoor dal recipe I usually use. Hopefully this will help prevent me from eating like poo poo.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 11:03

Escape From Noise

I'm pretty loving pleased with how this lentil soup came out.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 12:56

poverty goat

itty bitty baby boy posted:

that's a good looking slice. good looking broccos and dog. lots of good. i was thinking of making sausage+onion pizza with some leftover nice sausage, please tell me about your pizza dough.

It's the overnight pizza dough w/ poolish from Flour Water Salt Yeast. I miss my sourdough starter because that made the best pizza crust

# ? Jan 15, 2020 15:11

poverty goat

Also: I cooked the pizza in the same cast iron pan as the sausage and left the grease and fond in there and it made for a nice little boost for the crust

# ? Jan 15, 2020 15:15

poverty goat

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

I'm pretty loving pleased with how this lentil soup came out.

nice looking soup

# ? Jan 15, 2020 15:36

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# ? May 17, 2024 06:13

Escape From Noise

poverty goat posted:

nice looking soup

Thanks! I'm really happy with how it turned out!

Basically I followed this recipe for the masala up until the part about adding tomatoes and instead threw in a bunch of chopped celery, cauliflower, and spinach and sauteed that for a bit before adding a liter of tomato juice and a liter of water, then adding potatoes, kabocha (Japanese pumpkin) and mushrooms and about a cup and a half of rinsed Turkish red lentils
https://www.vegrecipesofindia.com/masoor-dal-easy-masoor-dal/

Then I added bay leaves, black pepper, rosemary, basil, and thyme, simmered it for about an hour and a half, threw in some kasoori menthi in the last few minutes and then threw in some salt and chopped up cilantro after I cut the heat. If anyone is interested in the specifics.

# ? Jan 15, 2020 15:45

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