Schadenfreude: pro-click zone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abe1W1gGXy0

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Schadenfreude: pro-click zone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abe1W1gGXy0

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Should there even be a poll here??? This poll is closed.
Yes	106	15.84%
No	117	17.49%
Goku	446	66.67%
Total:	669 votes

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putin is a cunt: Apr 5, 2007; BOY DO I SURE ENJOY TRASH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I LOVE THAN TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BIG SCREEN AND EAT A BIIIIG STEAMY BOWL OF SHIT. WARNER BROS CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ASSFUCK MY MOM WHILE I WATCH AND I WOULD CERTIFY IT FRESH, NO QUESTION

Stupid_Sexy_Flander posted:

The only thing missing is his screams. Saw that one with audio once. Dude was damned lucky he had people there.

Dude was lucky the world was not

# ? Jan 25, 2020 09:00

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# ? May 27, 2024 08:38

Takes No Damage: Nov 20, 2004; The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.; Grimey Drawer

Milo and POTUS posted:

God that could have gone so bad if he was alone

What, never seen someone hold an reverse inverted scorpion as a yoga pose before :rolleyes:

# ? Jan 25, 2020 09:01

-Zydeco-: Nov 12, 2007

Doggles posted:

https://twitter.com/PennLive/status/1220382914757693443

Amro Elansari is a legit crazy man who has sued everyone under the sun including Runescape, his apartment complex, PA education system, and Tinder.
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=-j_lbNEZ0do
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=B1BYotHJE_w

Also the Marine Corps for not letting him in
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Xd7Smfu27QE

E: Beaten real bad, but I got videos

# ? Jan 25, 2020 09:20

Lady Disdain: Jan 14, 2013; are you yet living?

Pennywise the Frown posted:

https://i.imgur.com/hg6HL4D.mp4

Is this a blooper from a You Betcha video ?

# ? Jan 25, 2020 11:19

Yooper: Apr 30, 2012

Memento posted:

is this the UP accent?

Yes. Or at the very least near to it. Riding Ice Augers is a thing. Pairs well with Busch Light and concussions.

:saddowns:

# ? Jan 25, 2020 13:56

Cable Guy: Jul 18, 2005; I don't expect any trouble, but we'll be handing these out later...; Slippery Tilde

RatHat posted:

That went a lot better than I was expecting. They might have lost the auger to the lake though?

Almost, but you can still see the top buried in the snow in a few frames afterwards and hear it cut out as the engine died.

# ? Jan 25, 2020 15:09

Snowglobe of Doom: Mar 30, 2012; sucks to be right

RatHat posted:

That went a lot better than I was expecting. They might have lost the auger to the lake though?

That's exactly why they have a ~~flared base~~ handles that are wider than the auger bit.

Of course they still manage to lose the auger bits all the time:
https://i.imgur.com/CdKF3hd.gifv

# ? Jan 25, 2020 15:32

LifeSunDeath: Jan 4, 2007; still gay rights and smoke weed every day

https://i.imgur.com/P8cZUj7.mp4

# ? Jan 25, 2020 15:56

Randaconda: Jul 3, 2014; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

https://i.imgur.com/PfY6LLN.gifv

# ? Jan 25, 2020 17:39

Woodchip: Mar 28, 2010

Randaconda posted:

https://i.imgur.com/PfY6LLN.gifv

I love it when a plan comes together.

# ? Jan 25, 2020 19:22

Dirt Road Junglist: Oct 8, 2010; We will be cruel
And through our cruelty
They will know who we are

I was expecting so much worse after experiencing family ice auger schad. My cousin once sat on the auger blade while it was sitting on the ice and had to get I forget how many stitches to put his rear end back together.

And he was like 12, so it wasn�t even alcohol related :v:

# ? Jan 25, 2020 19:49

CAPTAIN CAPSLOCK: Sep 11, 2001

https://i.imgur.com/ctA5Cq8.mp4

# ? Jan 25, 2020 23:47

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

https://video.twimg.com/amplify_video/1219983432748498944/vid/720x720/Fsix0D8eUdJeftGm.mp4?tag=13

# ? Jan 25, 2020 23:50

Zaphod42: Sep 13, 2012; If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=uOKNTYSz0bk

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:34

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

Almost seems like he didn't need that scooter.

I'm normally not a mean person, but fat people who use scooters just because they're fat piss me off. If they don't walk, they will get fatter and need a more powerful scooter.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:43

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

The fact that someone is able to stand up and walk 2 steps, when the other option is lying on the driveway and being run over, doesn't mean they don't need a scooter. You have absolutely no idea what's wrong with him, you're just making things up to justify being mean.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:46

Imagined: Feb 2, 2007

Anne Whateley posted:

The fact that someone is able to stand up and walk 2 steps, when the other option is lying on the driveway and being run over, doesn't mean they don't need a scooter. You have absolutely no idea what's wrong with him, you're just making things up to justify being mean.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:47

Nottherealaborn: Nov 12, 2012

Pennywise the Frown posted:

Almost seems like he didn't need that scooter.

I'm normally not a mean person, but fat people who use scooters just because they're fat piss me off. If they don't walk, they will get fatter and need a more powerful scooter.

Source your quotes. But actually, you don�t know anyone�s other issues that could be why they�re in a scooter. Also forcing people to not use scooters won�t solve obesity. Also, concern for �fat people� using scooters isn�t a concern for their health, it�s just hate for fat people.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:48

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

Well I hate myself. :shrug:

And you'd be an idiot to not know that tons of people who use scooters are just doing it because they feel like it.

Although it is true that I don't know so that's fair. Could be a lot of reasons.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:50

Aerdan: Apr 14, 2012; Not Dennis NEDry

Pennywise the Frown posted:

Almost seems like he didn't need that scooter.

I'm normally not a mean person, but fat people who use scooters just because they're fat piss me off. If they don't walk, they will get fatter and need a more powerful scooter.

Exercise does absolutely nothing to cause weight loss, nor can it burn enough calories to prevent weight gain.

Dieting doesn't work either, before you suggest that.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:51

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Pennywise the Frown posted:

And you'd be an idiot to not know that tons of people who use scooters are just doing it because they feel like it.

Gonna need a citation on that one. Scooters are expensive, inconvenient, and a huge pain in the rear end. Most people using scooters aren't doing it because of Wall-E fantasies.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:53

Zaphod42: Sep 13, 2012; If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

Aerdan posted:

Exercise does absolutely nothing to cause weight loss, nor can it burn enough calories to prevent weight gain.

Dieting doesn't work either, before you suggest that.

what?

What does cause weight loss then?? Diet and exercise are literally the only things that work.

Now, not everybody is in a place where they can exercise, some people have injuries or whatever. But... wtf are you on about saying exercise and diet doesn't help you lose weight??

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:55

Imagined: Feb 2, 2007

Zaphod42 posted:

what?

What does cause weight loss then?? Diet and exercise are literally the only things that work.

Now, not everybody is in a place where they can exercise, some people have injuries or whatever. But... wtf are you on about saying exercise and diet doesn't help you lose weight??

Bariatric surgery is pretty much the only proven, long-term effective way to go from fat to not-fat.

Outside of that, the statistics say that the only way for 95% of people to not be fat is to never become fat.

Source: https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/12/7/16587316/bariatric-surgery-weight-loss-lap-band

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:57

Inceltown: Aug 6, 2019

Anne Whateley posted:

Gonna need a citation on that one. Scooters are expensive, inconvenient, and a huge pain in the rear end. Most people using scooters aren't doing it because of Wall-E fantasies.

You don't know the parable of Tatty?

quote:

I'm tired of enabling my wife's cousin's vulgarity.
u/JimmyDangleton2d
FIRST OFF - You're not going to believe what I've been going through. But I'm telling you that things are really this bad and awful and I need your opinions on how to handle this. I feel like I'm the last normal person in my family, and I keep getting in trouble for seemingly being the only sane person left: It all revolves around my wife's cousin that somehow has won the heart of the family but is a really terrible and awful person.

Everybody calls my wife's cousin "Tatty." He lives right down the road has been causing some issues within the family here lately. Lots of us live here in a little country community - aunts, uncles, extended family. We have dinner frequently. Last night the was an uproar, which I'm about to talk about, and I've already been trying to patch things up.

Cousin Tatty is extremely overweight and confined to a mobility scooter. As far as I know, there aren't any other physical or mental issues with him besides the extremely excessive weight. He used to have a job but now lives at home with his mother and doesn't work. The scooter has modifications that allow Tatty to use the bathroom on the go. He is too large for most clothes and mostly wears a blanket or bed sheet when we see him. It is really bad and I want to help him.

I think a big part of the problem is Tatty's mother is very controlling and wayyy overprotective. The women wear the pants in this family, and after Tatty's struggle to get up the stairs into my house, the women convinced me to build a wheelchair ramp for Tatty off the back porch. I don't want to enable him but the entire family treats him like a big baby.

But what grinds my gears is Tatty actually complains about the ramp I built and says its too narrow and doesn't have a railing. He is generally an ungrateful person and the enabling has turned him into a monster.

Last night at the family dinner, we were sitting there eating when Tatty exploded into the power chair. It was not number one but number two. We could hear it splattering into the container under the seat, and it was very loud and unrestrained. Tatty acted like nothing was out of the ordinary. I was sitting there in disbelief when I decided that enough was enough.

When I stood up and yelled, Tatty reacted angrily and said that he couldn't help it, and his over-protective controlling mother stepped in and jumped all over me. I basically said that maybe Tatty making GBS threads at the dinner table was a sign that this 39yo man needs help with his problems, as this was a new low.

Tatty and his mother screamed at me and the rest of the family were trying to calm them down but they left dinner because of Tatty's crapping and the argument. The family was in turmoil and some of the extended aunts and uncles were trying to calm Tatty and his mother down and actually went over to their house after they left. I really don't understand why they are so easy on Tatty and let this man get away with so much. It doesn't make any sense!

They decide that I need to smooth things over, and the solution was for me to pick up Tatty this morning from his house and drive him to town for an outing. I was all "Ok, whatever" so I ride over there and pick up Tatty. We have to take his van because it has the platform for the power chair. So I am driving us to town and he's there in the back part of the van in his chair when he starts making GBS threads again.

I look at him in the rearview and he smiles and says, "Guess we'll have to take care of this." Meaning we have to pull over to the side of the highway and I have to pull the pan out from under his seat that catches the poop and dump it off on the side of the road. It smells so bad and there is no way to clean the pan so I just have to put it back into the slot with it still dirty and smelling terrible.

I do this and put up with it, and we get back on the road to town. I light a cigarette to try and cover the smell, but Tatty starts whining so I put it out. He also keeps correcting me on my driving and telling me to use my blinker and stuff, and at this point I realize he's screwing with me.

Once we get into town, Tatty says that he wants to go to Wal Mart. So I said ok, and we get to Wal Mart and pull up to a spot in the front. We go inside and Tatty seems to have a good time looking at video games for a while. He ends up buying a couple of games and then says he's hungry so we go over to SubWay that's by the exit.

Tatty orders a sandwhich and starts berating the woman making the sandwhich. I apologize and smile at the lady quietly behind Tatty. But Tatty just keeps letting her have it.
"More cheese! More Cheese!" The sandwhich is half cheese and mayonaise and I'm just having a hard time handling his behavior. But we get the food and sit down at a table and start eating.

Tatty looks up at me halfway through the meal and just stares and starts turning red. I worry for a second that he's having a stroke, but then I hear the explosion again as he just splatters an explosion of poop into the chair and he's even straining really hard. People at Subway are looking at us and Tatty is still going when I just stand up and say enough is enough I am not putting up with this anymore.

I throw the car keys down on the table and tell him good luck getting home and end up leaving and catching a ride from a friend. I just left him there at Subway alone with a dirtry pan. He did end up getting home after he called his mother and she came to get him.

All of this to say that now the family is very upset with me for "abandoning" Tatty at Wal Mart and I keep telling them that he'd crapped twice, once in the van, once at Subway, and was doing it just to piss me off, and they are all angry and keep telling me that I'm being selfish.

So now I'm back home and posting this on here. Things are getting worse and worse and this family I married into is just enabling Tatty and I cannot believe it because it feels like I'm the only sane person left. The only solution I can think of is to just refuse to take care of Tatty anymore or take him on any "apology outings" because this family is absolutely nuts for babying this man like they do.

Any advice is appreciated. Please help me as I feel crazy but I still know that this is all wrong!

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:57

Zaphod42: Sep 13, 2012; If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

Imagined posted:

Bariatric surgery is pretty much the only proven, long-term effective way to go from fat to not-fat.

Outside of that, the statistics say that the only way for 95% of people to not be fat is to never become fat.

Source: https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/12/7/16587316/bariatric-surgery-weight-loss-lap-band

Once you've reached the level of obesity maybe, but for most people diet and exercise will 100% cause you to lose weight.

That article says "exercise alone won't cause you to lose weight" as in, you have to diet, too.

It also makes the case that surgery works better for obese people. Read the article again though if you think it says exercise will not cause you to lose weight; it doesn't say that. You're falling for the clickbait headlines.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:58

3D Megadoodoo: Nov 25, 2010

Pennywise the Frown posted:

Well I hate myself.

And you'd be an idiot to not know that tons of people who use scooters are just doing it because they feel like it.

Sure but also automobiles.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 02:59

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

I should have thought better than to mention anything about fat people on the Something Awful forums.

I apologize.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 03:01

Imagined: Feb 2, 2007

Zaphod42 posted:

Once you've reached the level of obesity maybe, but for most people diet and exercise will 100% cause you to lose weight.

Were we talking about people who aren't obese?

# ? Jan 26, 2020 03:01

KoRMaK: Jul 31, 2012

Imagined posted:

Bariatric surgery is pretty much the only proven, long-term effective way to go from fat to not-fat.

Outside of that, the statistics say that the only way for 95% of people to not be fat is to never become fat.

Source: https://www.vox.com/science-and-health/2017/12/7/16587316/bariatric-surgery-weight-loss-lap-band

lol at the thing you posited and lol at quotin vox as a source

# ? Jan 26, 2020 03:01

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

You guys missed the most obvious sarcasm ever that dude said completely.

:negative:

# ? Jan 26, 2020 03:02

Zaphod42: Sep 13, 2012; If there's anything more important than my ego around, I want it caught and shot now.

Imagined posted:

Were we talking about people who aren't obese?

You said "Exercise does absolutely nothing to cause weight loss" and I'm sorry but that just isn't true. Its way too blanket of a statement. If you'd said anything other than "absolutely nothing" I would agree.

"Exercise probably wouldn't help these people" is a fairer statement.

And the "Dieting doesn't work either" is even more untrue. That article you linked specifically says it does work, and that removing low-quality foods from diets is what we need to do the most for obese people.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 03:02

putin is a cunt: Apr 5, 2007; BOY DO I SURE ENJOY TRASH. THERE'S NOTHING MORE I LOVE THAN TO SIT DOWN IN FRONT OF THE BIG SCREEN AND EAT A BIIIIG STEAMY BOWL OF SHIT. WARNER BROS CAN COME OVER TO MY HOUSE AND ASSFUCK MY MOM WHILE I WATCH AND I WOULD CERTIFY IT FRESH, NO QUESTION

Aerdan posted:

Exercise does absolutely nothing to cause weight loss, nor can it burn enough calories to prevent weight gain.

Dieting doesn't work either, before you suggest that.

The schade is this guy self owning with such a stupid post

# ? Jan 26, 2020 03:11

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

Let's get back on track here.

https://i.imgur.com/ti745Bm.mp4

https://i.imgur.com/KxI8Ctp.mp4

# ? Jan 26, 2020 03:11

Aerdan: Apr 14, 2012; Not Dennis NEDry

Zaphod42 posted:

what?

What does cause weight loss then?? Diet and exercise are literally the only things that work.

Now, not everybody is in a place where they can exercise, some people have injuries or whatever. But... wtf are you on about saying exercise and diet doesn't help you lose weight??

Diets don't work in the long term; the majority of people who attempt them return to their previous weight within five years; some of them even gain weight within five years. This includes calorie-counting, any fad diet you care to name (including the so-called 'Mediterranean' diet), glycemic indexing, WW/Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, etc.Because, here's the problem: diets are you intentionally starving yourself, and the mechanisms involved (your hormones) absolutely do not give a flying gently caress�starvation kills temperature regulation and causes lethargy, cognitive impairment, and other problems. So people stop dieting after they guiltily eat a decent loving meal for once...and oops, all that suffering was for nothing.

Exercise won't cause you to lose weight, either, because the amount of exercise you do would need to be consistent and significant to offset the food you eat. A 20-minute walk burns about 100 calories, give or take. Eating a serving of beef jerky or a typical protein bar will wipe that out and then some. If you're overweight (let's say 250 lbs), you're gonna be loving miserable�which is why fat people don't tend to exercise.

Beyond all of that, obesity is not inherently unhealthy, as it turns out. Almost all of the health issues commonly associated with being fat are from being out of shape and from doctors ignoring overweight patients' concerns because obviously the knees, ankles and feet you wrecked in high school at 180lbs are because you're 250lbs today.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 05:07

WIFEY WATCHDOG: Jun 25, 2012; Yeah, well I don't trust this guy. I think he regifted, he degifted, and now he's using an upstairs invite as a springboard to a Super Bowl sex romp.

Aerdan posted:

Diets don't work in the long term; the majority of people who attempt them return to their previous weight within five years; some of them even gain weight within five years. This includes calorie-counting, any fad diet you care to name (including the so-called 'Mediterranean' diet), glycemic indexing, WW/Weight Watchers, Jenny Craig, etc.Because, here's the problem: diets are you intentionally starving yourself, and the mechanisms involved (your hormones) absolutely do not give a flying gently caress�starvation kills temperature regulation and causes lethargy, cognitive impairment, and other problems. So people stop dieting after they guiltily eat a decent loving meal for once...and oops, all that suffering was for nothing.

Exercise won't cause you to lose weight, either, because the amount of exercise you do would need to be consistent and significant to offset the food you eat. A 20-minute walk burns about 100 calories, give or take. Eating a serving of beef jerky or a typical protein bar will wipe that out and then some. If you're overweight (let's say 250 lbs), you're gonna be loving miserable�which is why fat people don't tend to exercise.

Beyond all of that, obesity is not inherently unhealthy, as it turns out. Almost all of the health issues commonly associated with being fat are from being out of shape and from doctors ignoring overweight patients' concerns because obviously the knees, ankles and feet you wrecked in high school at 180lbs are because you're 250lbs today.

what the gently caress is this

# ? Jan 26, 2020 05:10

iospace: Jan 19, 2038

Woman gambles on fart and loses, ruining expensive dress

# ? Jan 26, 2020 05:11

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

Holy poo poo I thought that guy was joking lol.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 05:14

Takes No Damage: Nov 20, 2004; The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.; Grimey Drawer

Diet and exercise "don't work" because people don't like to diet and exercise. Like, where do you think fat comes from? Can't just roll over my bro Einstein like that and create matter from nothing :crossarms:

Pennywise the Frown posted:

https://i.imgur.com/KxI8Ctp.mp4

This has to be staged, you know what's about to happen from the first frame of video.

iospace posted:

Woman gambles on fart and loses, ruining expensive dress

Rules for post middle-age: never trust a fart, never waste an erection.

# ? Jan 26, 2020 05:22

beanieson: Sep 25, 2008; I had the opportunity to change literally anything about the world and I used it to get a new av

Pennywise the Frown posted:

Holy poo poo I thought that guy was joking lol.

Shade is on me, thought I was in pretty decent shape but it turns out I have no choice but to be fat

# ? Jan 26, 2020 05:22

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# ? May 27, 2024 08:38

Takes No Damage: Nov 20, 2004; The most merciful thing in the world, I think, is the inability of the human mind to correlate all its contents. We live on a placid island of ignorance in the midst of black seas of infinity, and it was not meant that we should voyage far.; Grimey Drawer

Aerdan posted:

Exercise won't cause you to lose weight, either, because the amount of exercise you do would need to be consistent and significant to offset the food you eat.

Narrator: ...

Aerdan posted:

Beyond all of that, obesity is not inherently unhealthy, as it turns out. Almost all of the health issues commonly associated with being fat are from being out of shape and from doctors ignoring overweight patients' concerns because obviously the knees, ankles and feet you wrecked in high school at 180lbs are because you're 250lbs today.

Healthy At Any Size is one step behind anti-vaxers in stupidity, and probably does a lot more damage due to having a much larger pool of applicants.

e:

beanieson posted:

nice

holy poo poo

Takes No Damage fucked around with this message at 05:38 on Jan 26, 2020

# ? Jan 26, 2020 05:26

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Schadenfreude: pro-click zone https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=Abe1W1gGXy0

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