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My son was walking my dog last weekend. He brought her in and said “she pooped but i couldnt hold her and pick it up so im gonna go find it.” He comes back in like 5 minutes later saying that he couldnt find it. I told him our neighbors are a bunch of snitches so he will need to find it. He comes back 5 minutes later “Daddy, the good news is i found the poop. The bad news is i found it with my shoe”
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Nov 28, 2019 17:09
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| # ? May 17, 2024 19:57 |
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Me: "You need to go brush your hair." My autistic 6 year old: "I can't! I don't have a head!" He continues to insist he left his head at school.
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Nov 28, 2019 18:04
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*smelling something at work* Me: Hey bud you go potty? Kid: no I just tooted quiet
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Nov 28, 2019 18:10
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marshmallow creep posted:Me: "You need to go brush your hair." Best wishes to your obviously headless child
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Nov 28, 2019 19:19
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Kid has a real talent for ventriloquism.omnibobb posted:“Daddy, the good news is i found the poop. The bad news is i found it with my shoe”
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Nov 28, 2019 19:24
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My brother's kid is in kindergarten this year. Recently they got a note from his teacher. They asked the kids to draw something they really enjoy, so he drew himself pissing in the woods. Who doesn't enjoy that 
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Nov 28, 2019 19:38
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I work with 3 year olds and the other day one of the girls mentioned that she was going to a restaurant with her parents after school. I asked what kind of restaurant, expecting her to say pizza or chick fil-a or something. Instead she tells me she's going to "The Purple Restaurant". I ask what kind of food they have there, and she said "peanut butter sandwiches and cupcakes!" anything else? "no." ...I kind of want to eat at a place like that.
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Nov 30, 2019 22:05
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Holding this like a scepter: I'm the king of zebras! Mwa ha ha ha! Zebras attack!
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Dec 24, 2019 06:42
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same energy
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Dec 24, 2019 06:53
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Beachcomber posted:Holding this like a scepter:  My youngest niece had that same toy, or something similar, when she was that age
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Dec 24, 2019 07:19
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2yo niece Knock knock Who's there? (Literally anything in the room) (Literally anything in the room) who? *Uncontrollable laughter*4yo nephew What's your favorite dinosaur? T-rex Ok, what's your second favorite? Tyrannosaurus Rex Ok, what's your favorite herbivore dinosaur? herbivore T-Rex Ok, what's your favorite plant eating dinosaur? little baby T-Rexs This kid can pronounce pachycephalosaurus and parasaurolophus.
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Dec 31, 2019 13:54
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This week my daughter told me she wanted to marry a girl when she got older. I said “oh thats neat. Why do you want to marry a girl?” She deadass says “i want to be a mom but i dont want to be pregnant. My wife can deal with that”
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Jan 1, 2020 05:39
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My father-in-law says to his dog, who's getting in the way of his motorized wheelchair: "You'd better watch out, or you're going to be roadkill!" And my 10-month old yells out, "ROKILL!" Only really funny in that it's one of his first words beyond mama and dada, but still.
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Jan 1, 2020 06:38
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Beachcomber posted:2yo niece My kid calls them Dinosaurus Rex.
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Jan 1, 2020 13:38
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My kid's started blending words he knows to create new sounds, which is really cool, but the words he chose for this were "dad" and "kick." So the other day he was babbling kick, kick, kick, dad, dad, dad, dit, dit, dit, dick, dick, dick... He liked that last one so much he's started substituting it for "kick"—which he seems to understand as the thing being kicked rather than the act of kicking. So, yeah, now he refers to balls as dicks.
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Jan 10, 2020 03:05
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omnibobb posted:This week my daughter told me she wanted to marry a girl when she got older. I said “oh thats neat. Why do you want to marry a girl?” She's got the right idea at least.
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Jan 10, 2020 03:18
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"I love you so much, Uncle *slightly mispronounced my name*".  But then my wife got "I love you too much" I think she was trying to combine phrases. 2yo. At one point she started licking my arm.
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Jan 10, 2020 08:13
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Beachcomber posted:
2yo bodies can only handle so much love
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Jan 10, 2020 09:12
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"What are you gonna do tomorrow?" "Watch tv." "What do you to like to watch?" "Its russian, you don't know it." "What's it called?" "Its a russian name, you don't know what it mean." "I might, what's the name?" "....Harry Potter."
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Jan 10, 2020 16:43
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yer an illusionist, garold! im a what?!
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Jan 10, 2020 19:09
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If I had to guess, I was going to guess Masha and the Bear.
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Jan 11, 2020 01:24
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Cleaning the vents in my area while a nearly-3-year-old watches me "What are you doing Mr Fast Cars?" "I'm cleaning the vents, they get dusty and gross" his eyes get real wide "GHOSTS?"
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Jan 11, 2020 06:22
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Rollersnake posted:My kid's started blending words he knows to create new sounds, which is really cool, but the words he chose for this were "dad" and "kick." So the other day he was babbling kick, kick, kick, dad, dad, dad, dit, dit, dit, dick, dick, dick... He liked that last one so much he's started substituting it for "kick"—which he seems to understand as the thing being kicked rather than the act of kicking. Oh god. I teach first grade adn sometimes I play a game with a small group that has a bunch of yellow tiles (the first sound of a word) and green tiles (the ending sound). Some are kind of basic, like you could match up "c" and "at," or you might go for "c" and "ould." It's super fun to play with the ones who are just getting comfortable with the byzantine rules of english phonics, but, as you'd imagine, it's hard to run it so you don't make an inappropriate word now and then. Last week a boy had the ending "-ock" and goes "Oh!!! I wish I could find 'c.' Then I could make 'cock!'" I just looked at him nonjudgmentally, hoping he would elucidate. Finally, he proceeded- "You know, like the rooster." During the same game, my best behaved girl in the class shrieked, as did her friend sitting next to her. The girl shoved "sh-" "-it" across the table toward me. "Mrs. Bravo, this says poo poo!" Again, I just looked. "I'm putting it over here so nobody makes it by accident." I don't know why that was the one that broke me but I had to turn away for a minute til I could get my poker face back
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Jan 21, 2020 01:47
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sweeperbravo posted:Oh god.
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Jan 21, 2020 09:47
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I have this 1 and change year old kid who I put a lot of work into to get him comfortable in our space. He spent like two weeks just wailing and needing to be held but one day I got him to stand with my while I was sitting down. He held on to me with both hands and just watched the other kids for while and then I put a fire truck near us but not close enough for him to get to while still holding on and eventually he went over and played with it. Since then he loves coming. Anyway he’s starting to try to talk, like he’ll spit out a complete sentence worth of baby gibberish, and the other day he discovers our big bag of dinosaurs. He runs up to me with a TRex and in his tiny voice goes “raaaaawr!”
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Jan 22, 2020 06:02
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Overheard in the Wegmans bakery today: 4/5 year old: A football cake??? I love football!
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Feb 2, 2020 20:21
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"The Farmer's Lament" as my wife is calling it: my 11 month-old has started repeating "E-I-E-I-O" when you sing Old MacDonald to him, and he does it even when he's crying and throwing a fit. I guess it doesn't really come across in text, but it's one of the funniest loving things I've ever heard. E.. I... E I... O...
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Feb 2, 2020 21:10
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Rollersnake posted:"The Farmer's Lament" as my wife is calling it: my 11 month-old has started repeating "E-I-E-I-O" when you sing Old MacDonald to him, and he does it even when he's crying and throwing a fit. I guess it doesn't really come across in text, but it's one of the funniest loving things I've ever heard. This song is the best, I stg. I make breakthroughs with the kids I work with who have English as an additional language and aren't really speaking yet with Old McDonald. It starts with them absently repeating EIEIO, then they're making the animal noises, then they're choosing animals to be up next... whoever invented this annoying-rear end song was a genius tbh. Not a thing a kid said, but one of my 2-year-olds who understands English but doesn't speak much yet... we were doing an alphabet jigsaw with all sorts of different animals for every letter, and I said to him, "where's the giraffe?" and he pointed to the giraffe. "Where's the frog" got it. "where's the whale" yup. "where's the alligator" yep. Really kiddo? You know "alligator" but won't say "hi"? Fair enough. Where's the quail? He looked all over the puzzle, frowned, then lifted up the whale piece and pointed to it. you'll go far, little guy
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Feb 2, 2020 23:21
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In his defense, I don't think I would recognize a quail even if was looking right at it.
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Feb 2, 2020 23:29
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Cardiovorax posted:In his defense, I don't think I would recognize a quail even if was looking right at it. That was it, he knew every other animal from alligator to whale, and trust me we don't usually teach the difference between alligator and crocodile. The fact that he knew alligator was cool enough. The fact that he recognised that "whale" sounds like "quail" and told me so is even cooler. Kid owns.
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Feb 3, 2020 01:21
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Cardiovorax posted:In his defense, I don't think I would recognize a quail even if was looking right at it. I probably could, but only if it was flash fried and spatchcocked.
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Feb 3, 2020 03:50
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https://twitter.com/MattBors/status/1224775875284983809?s=20
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Feb 4, 2020 20:34
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https://twitter.com/BunAndLeggings/status/1225137052120797186
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Feb 6, 2020 15:36
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My 4 year old daughter: "Daddy, you fart too much!" I do fart a lot. 
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Feb 6, 2020 18:10
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"The sun is deleted! Time for bed!"
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Feb 6, 2020 22:36
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Feb 6, 2020 22:50
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My son, age 5, building Lego with my dad: Kid: Opa I can't get this piece off Opa: <struggles to get same piece free> Hmmm, I can't get it either. Kid: That's because you're old, and stupid.
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Feb 7, 2020 17:41
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a mysterious cloak posted:My son, age 5, building Lego with my dad: To be fair, we're all old and stupid to a degree. Kids have it figured out, man.
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Feb 7, 2020 20:50
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Nephew: Yarr, shiver me timbers! Me: Who says that? Nephew: My tablet. ...I'm not sure what I expected.
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Feb 8, 2020 16:42
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| # ? May 17, 2024 19:57 |
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https://twitter.com/BathysphereHat/status/1228437064514969605 https://twitter.com/paulychilds/status/1228648812509569026
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Feb 16, 2020 07:35
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