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Honestly that final response is what makes me certain he won’t shoot up the place. That’s exactly the kind of dumb poo poo that fifteen-year-old recluse me would have thought was cool and would leave an impression on others had I been more religious. He has no intention of carrying anything out, he wants you to live with his *~*~haunting message~*~* for all eternity.
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Mar 7, 2020 01:34
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the_steve posted:Are you tweeting these? You should be tweeting these. You think so? I'm afraid I'd be treading on the "Things Mr. Welch is no longer allowed to do" list.
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Mar 9, 2020 12:57
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good news, we had another session and he didn't show up to shoot us
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Mar 9, 2020 13:25
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I'm trying to find some really old Cat-Piss stories on SA, and these might be like 5-10 years old. I might be mixing up several stories, or it might just be one: - the GM slaps his cheeks excitedly throughout the game -"BOOM YOU'RE IN ARKHAM ASYLUM FIGHTING THE JOKER" in a game that, up until then, had no indications of being Batman-related -a weird homebrew of D&D where you could play a robot/alien/terminator and they were all so hideously unbalanced as to be the work of a child -"The plot will reveal itself through combat" in a game that was probably supposed to be quite plot-heavy and combat-lite TIA!
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Mar 9, 2020 17:00
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According to my DM, the Lady of Pain rules the city of Sigil by the Rule-of-Three, not by the Rule-of-Threesomes.
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Mar 10, 2020 17:54
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, the Lady of Pain rules the city of Sigil by the Rule-of-Three, not by the Rule-of-Threesomes. I keep disagreeing with your DM they need to relax, man
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Mar 10, 2020 18:37
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, the Lady of Pain rules the city of Sigil by the Rule-of-Three, not by the Rule-of-Threesomes. Bard: “That’s where you’re wrong, kiddo”
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Mar 10, 2020 21:16
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DivineCoffeeBinge posted:I keep disagreeing with your DM they need to relax, man For the record my DM only says about 1/4th of what I post...
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Mar 10, 2020 21:50
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CobiWann posted:According to my DM, the Lady of Pain rules the city of Sigil by the Rule-of-Three, not by the Rule-of-Threesomes. CobiWann posted:According to my DM, the Lady of Pain rules the city of Sigil by the Rule-of-Three, not by the Rule-of-Threesomes. Seriouspost: what is the rule of three? The only Rule-of-Three I know of is Graz’zt’s son.
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Mar 10, 2020 23:18
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Agrikk posted:Seriouspost: what is the rule of three? "The Rule of Threes is a cosmic principle presented in the original Planescape Campaign Setting. It is based on something that seems to be a phenomenon in the Multiverse, that everything comes in threes: there are three cosmic truths (Center of the Multiverse, Unity of Rings, and Rule of Threes), three transitive planes (Astral, Ethereal, and Shadow) and three levels of existence (Outer Planes, Inner Planes, and Prime+Material). Between any two extremes (which the Opposition focus on) is a median that reconciles the other two: between Law and Chaos is balance, between Good and Evil is neutrality, between Fire and Earth is Magma, between the celestials and fiends are the three neutral races: modrons, slaadi, and Rilmani."
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Mar 11, 2020 00:12
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CobiWann posted:For the record my DM only says about 1/4th of what I post... I'm amazed it's even 1/4th, honestly I was just trying to be funny 
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Mar 11, 2020 00:33
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A quick recap: my PCs were gifted a ridonkulous amount of luhix by the rod of wonder, tried to sell it, got nabbed by the cops, made a deal with a Karrnathi Special Forces guy to use it to make a superdrug in trade for amnesty on these drug charges. Their superdrug, which they named Wastenaught, gives you triple the benefits of luhix, but kills you after a day or two. Then when you die (by it wearing off or in combat), you immediately become an evolved karrnathi zombie. It happens so fast that you don't even realize you died until you stop needing sleep, food, etc. My PCs tested their wastenaught on some hand-picked almost-failures from the big military school, Rekkenmark Academy (because cold and electric are bad types to focus on when your sparring partners are undead). They headed across the bridge by temporarily repairing it via a Wall of Bone, to the target town of Thaliost; the objective being to take out any opposition and hold the town as long as they can. They massively failed their stealth checks, alerting everyone in town to their presence and causing the town's defenders to converge on the town square. The town square has a huge yellow-white crystal embedded into a mass of thorny vines that wrap around each other to form a tree-ish shape, and have thin silvery veins covering them. Energy radiates from the crystal that makes it hard to focus on fighting. Flanking the crystal are two large... things, made of white fire and golden eyes, in a shape that could only be called humanoid in the vaguest of ways. Because of the number of NPCs in this (5 friendly test subjects plus 10 Argent Fist NPCs plus 2 quori spirits), I gave each player control of a test subject and an AF. Three test subjects were melee (with a battery sword that dealt bonus electric damage and could power attack/shock trooper for more elec damage), two were casters (who can do cold damage with a ray that leaves a DoT and doubles elec damage taken, and a targeted spell to deal cold damage and make exhausted but consumes the DoT). The AFs have the standard Lay on Hands, can do double their monk unarmed damage as a full-round action and their smite can also stun. But I needed a lot of names to keep all the non-DM controlled guys distinct, so I did what any smart DM does; I stole names from other things. Specifically, all the test subjects were from East West Bowl and all the SF guys were from Fighting Baseball. The fight went much as you'd expect - the PCs, being 15th level, ran roughshod over any Argent Fist they came into contact with but had to actually put effort into killing the quori. Even a second wave of Silver Flame defenders didn't do much to really threaten them, but the drugged up test subjects were another matter. They could dish it out (especially with the bard's music really amping them up) but a double-damage smite is a tough thing to soak at lv6. 3 of them died, but only one of them died twice. RIP Ozamataz Buckshank; you were a good ice wizard, but you just couldn't soak three smite-fists to the head. The other caster then went over to mourn his fallen classmate, which lead him to realize something odd about the corpse. A series of unfortunate questions answered with amazing honestly later, and we have two guys trying very hard to quickly come to grips with their impending death, with two more trying to come to terms with the fact that they died. Sequester Grundleplith does not take his impending death well, and the party decides to leave the other three to maintain the suddenly-Karrnathi town, at least until reinforcements can be brought in favor of plying the disgruntled soldier with buying him extremely expensive booze, food, and women for the rest of his living hours. And Sequester, being a prudent man for at least the time being, agrees to not create a media shitstorm for the Karrnathi military (yet).
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Mar 11, 2020 03:13
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Our fellowship game took us to hell, where one of the characters is the prince of the kingdom of lust. Yes, he has dozens of attractive stepsisters who are not his sister, and they all live in the phalace. (That was the general level of sophistication.)
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Mar 11, 2020 08:51
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thetoughestbean posted:“He knew exactly what he was doing and chose folly to wisdom” is an amazing way to announce that you’re an rear end in a top hat. What a sentence I've heard that "folly over wisdom" line a few times and it always comes from people with peak Subway Rewards Card energy.
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Mar 11, 2020 09:17
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Golden Bee posted:Our fellowship game took us to hell, where one of the characters is the prince of the kingdom of lust. How many have those stepsisters have gotten stuck in the Bag of Holding just as the PC's walking by?
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Mar 11, 2020 11:53
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DivineCoffeeBinge posted:Who among us has not had to issue a ruling that no, Elvish does not have a single word meaning 'punch yourself in the face until you are unconscious' Well, yeah. They're elves, not Germans.
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Mar 11, 2020 14:09
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Eifert Posting posted:Well, yeah. They're elves, not Germans.
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Mar 11, 2020 14:57
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Eifert Posting posted:peak Subway Rewards Card energy What an amazing descriptor. In context, it perfectly captures the essence of what I imagine "folly over wisdom" guy to be like. BabyFur Denny posted:Selbstbetäubungsfaust German must be a fun language to speak. "I would like a sandwich." "What kind of sandwich?" "I would like a Friedeggsandwichwithbaconjackavocadotomatoandspicyaoli." Agrikk fucked around with this message at 16:25 on Mar 11, 2020 |
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Mar 11, 2020 16:21
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Sometimes a friend of mine doodles comics and apparently the following two are very loosely based on a real life experience. Probably best without any further context. 
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Mar 13, 2020 00:18
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This story is about Og, the great and powerful and amazing and, a character I've been playing with my local group for a couple of years now. His direct inspiration is "We're Not Taking the Wizard," found here: https://www.deviantart.com/mattrhodesart/art/We-are-NOT-taking-the-wizard-626887777 Og is the worst. He's abrasive, egotistical, and incredibly lazy. Most of his spells are utility spells designed to make his life easier (his first spell was Unseen Servant), and most of the remaining are illusion spells he uses for entertainment and occasionally to aid in escaping a situation that he refuses to admit he instigated. He's also hailed as a hero in his home village, when one of his drunken benders resulted in a small rebellion that pulled down an abusive minor noble. If you've seen Firefly, think Jaynestown. This, of course, just further feeds his narcissistic tendencies. His appearance is distinctive, and important. Penguin boots. Octopus familiar. Fanny pack full of spiders. Hat covered in arcane symbols that, upon third review, are actually dicks. One day, in a village hundreds of miles from his home, Og knocks on a door and is greeted by...himself. But not quite. The boots are baby seals, the fanny back is full of centipedes, and the hat is, well, frankly it's still covered in dicks. This wizard introduces himself as Og, the great and powerful and amazing and. Inevitably, given that both Ogs are completely incapable of diplomacy, "real" Og murders the "imposter," and the small village they're in goes apeshit. Seems imposter Og was a local folk hero... Barely escaping with their lives, the party is bewildered. Who, in their right mind, would impersonate Og? He's horrible! Then it happens again. A small village. A shabby house. The worst wizard meets his doppelganger. This time, real Og tries to talk, but the imposter eventually (quickly) loses his temper, resulting in yet another dead hometown hero. From here on, the party intermittently encounters false Ogs. They're always just a little different, but they're all gross, lazy, narcissistic, vainglorious assholes with a chip on their shoulder. More often than not, they've lucked into a position of authority, or at least tolerance. It gets to the point that real Og, who is slowly trying to become a better person, starts disguising himself before entering a new town, just in case there's another Og there. As the party levels, Og starts falling just a little behind. Not much; he always gets his level eventually, but it's delayed, and the delays seem cumulative. No one knows why. Og is there, doing the same things, at the same time. Out of character, the party wondered what was going on, and I was completely mystified. For the entire campaign, Og wanted nothing more than to visit the moon, something said to be done by assorted heroes of myth and legend. He was as good as any legend, was he not, and this is how he'd prove it. He'd go to the moon, and bring his friends with him, so they could spread the word upon their return. And when he arrives, he arrives in the courtyard of a great castle. It's huge, and gaudy, and tacky, like a poor man's vision of wealth and taste. It seems deserted, but for a pair of odd animal-skin boots in a bedroom and more insects than one would expect. Eventually, the party makes their way into a laboratory, of sorts. Great tubes line the walls, each with an Og inside. Books and vials and other arcane implements float about as if held by unseen hands, performing a ritual no one recognizes. At the heart of it all, on a luxurious sofa, watching moving images on a huge crystal screen, is a wizard. An Og. No, the ur-Og, the Oggiest Og. Everything that defines Og is in this man, but more. He's a bit bigger. He's a bit greasier. He's got spiders AND centipedes AND who knows what else in his fanny pack. He's wearing bunny slippers; one of them rolls its eyes at the newcomers, and cringes. Ur-Og rolls his eyes, and says "I wondered when one of you would find your way here. I hoped it would take longer. Before I destroy you, would you like to know what you are?" Long story short: Before his death, Og learned that he, and that every other Og on earth, was a clone of the original, feeding a fraction of its its knowledge to the original, who sat up here in his moon base, looking down upon the world from his seat of utmost superiority, gaining power bit by bit with absolutely no effort. See, the required spells could be all automated. Unseen Servants could perform parts of each ritual, crafting new bodies, imbuing them with personality and experience, and sending them out into the world, linked to the original. It was a magical multi-level marketing scam where only the guy on top got any benefit at all. ConfusedUs fucked around with this message at 19:07 on Mar 18, 2020 |
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Mar 18, 2020 19:03
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ConfusedUs posted:Hat covered in arcane symbols that, upon third review, are actually dicks. Og being the head of the world's laziest MLM makes almost too much sense for that wizard.
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Mar 18, 2020 22:25
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#asciipenises, right in the tags list. Good god.
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Mar 18, 2020 22:57
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During this weekend's session, we were fighting Sea Giants on a pair of rocks that the ship we were on had to sail between. My Fighter was on one of the rocks and a Sea Giant shoved him into the water, where he began to sink because he was wearing plate armor. DM - "Do you call for help before you start to drown?" Me - "Yeah. I scream at the top of my lungs, 'NOT PENNY'S BOAT!'" For some reason, in the entire 5+ years with this group, THIS was the moment where every single player and the DM was ready to kill me...
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Mar 19, 2020 02:17
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Yawgmoth posted:Holy poo poo I had never noticed that before! That pic is truly the gift that keeps on giving.
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Mar 19, 2020 03:59
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ConfusedUs posted:That pic is truly the gif that keeps on giving.
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Mar 19, 2020 04:56
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I used a trashy teen romance novel to interigate a prisoner we captured in the D &D game tonight. Read the sex scene.
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Mar 21, 2020 02:34
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Maigius posted:I used a trashy teen romance novel to interigate a prisoner we captured in the D &D game tonight. Read the sex scene. 
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Mar 21, 2020 03:46
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Maigius posted:I used a trashy teen romance novel to interigate a prisoner we captured in the D &D game tonight. Read the sex scene. That's amazing. How did the prisoner react? We did something like this to Mojo in our Marvel game a few months back. Four out of five of us are huge comic book geeks while the fifth knows enough to make fun of it all. When one of the PC's got a hold of Mojo's network, they broke the fourth wall and started showing pictures of every single piece of (bad) Jim Lee and (all of his) Todd McFarlane-style artwork from the 90's until he cracked enough to send us home. Line of the night - "THAT IS HORRIBLE! WHO RECAST BETSY BRADDOCK TO BE ASIAN?!?"
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Mar 23, 2020 12:13
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So we're trapped in a palace in the Plane of Fire. There's some sort of powerful curse that immediately drags us back if we try to teleport out. We've been exploring the place systematically, battling efreeti (which sucks rear end; who's the genius who decided they should get to cast Scorching Ray as a free action?) and lizardmen. After a rough battle, we search the room of the captain of the palace guard and, thanks to a nat 20 on a Perception check, discover the deed to the palace. We are now legally the owners of a palace in the Plane of Fire. Having cleared the rest of the palace, we stand outside the throne room and start buffing up. We open the doors and see a massive efreet sitting on the throne. He demands we kneel before, we pull out the deed and declare ourselves his bosses, and he starts the fight. He draws a symbol in the air, and we have to make a Will save. Bralgorg the barbarian fails. Hilaire the paladin fails. Garidan the cleric fails. Lia, my wizard fails. Only Viklos the bard and Areya the shaman succeed. All of us who failed are now struck with an obsessive need to argue with anyone who doesn't share our alignment. Everyone has different alignments. Mechanically, this means we have a 50% chance on our turn of either getting to act as we want, or attacking the nearest person of a different alignment. Oh, and because we're shouting at each other, no one can cast spells with a verbal component. Bralgorg has the highest initiative. He rolls and gets to act normally, so he charges at the efreet. Thanks to Enlarge Person, Bull's Strength, and a crit with max damage, he hits the efreet three times and kills him instantly. We have accomplished our objective, but combat continues for several more turns as our heavily buffed team continues trying to kill each other. Lawful Good Hilaire rams her sword into True Neutral Garidan for refusing to stand for anything. Lawful Neutral Lia tries to smack her, as that wasn't a very Good act. Areya tries to figure out how to dispel the rune while Viklos uses his Spiderclimbing boots to get to the ceiling and then place bets on the fight. We are our own worst enemies.
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Mar 26, 2020 22:12
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You didn’t need a spell to discover that. It turns out the real adventure was the murderhobos we made along the way.
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Mar 26, 2020 22:42
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LawrenceFriday posted:We are our own worst enemies. The Squabble Squad
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Mar 26, 2020 23:50
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Phy posted:The Squabble Squad
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Mar 26, 2020 23:55
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Someday I'll write up the recap of this Tanicus campaign, once it's been in the rearview mirror a little bit. Last night was the second-to-last session. And just to give a little spoiler for down the road? Turns out the whole campaign was "Crisis on Infinite Tanicuses..."
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Mar 30, 2020 13:16
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CobiWann posted:Someday I'll write up the recap of this Tanicus campaign, once it's been in the rearview mirror a little bit. Tanicii? Tanicopodes? Looking forward to it!
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Mar 30, 2020 15:32
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Ichabod Sexbeast posted:Tanicii? The PC's are from Tanicus and we're currently about to settle accounts with the Big Bad in his throne room on Tanikus.
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Mar 30, 2020 16:40
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CobiWann posted:The PC's are from Tanicus and we're currently about to settle accounts with the Big Bad in his throne room on Tanikus.
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Mar 30, 2020 19:47
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Is Tanicus/Tanikus/Taniqus/Tani?us the first example if instancing in a tabletop RPG?
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Mar 30, 2020 20:19
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CobiWann posted:The PC's are from Tanicus and we're currently about to settle accounts with the Big Bad in his throne room on Tanikus. Open a gate to Tanecus and summon FYAD.
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Mar 31, 2020 01:16
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Just watch out for those guys from Sucinat, they're kind of dicks.
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Mar 31, 2020 01:46
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rndmnmbr posted:Just watch out for those guys from Sucinat, they're kind of dicks. Also, they all wear goatees.
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Mar 31, 2020 02:04
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