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a mysterious cloak
Apr 5, 2003

Leave me alone, dad, I'm with my friends!


BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:

Everyone seems to be taking two weeks off except for my school which wants us back at the hospitals on 23rd this month. I just don't see it happening.

My facility closed all 6 schools and is going 100% online as of Monday until further notice.

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

Does Coronavirus have any effect on poopin?

If you get just enough Roni, it will form a perfect sheath around the turd and it will slide out without residue and go down without flushing

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HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018

a mysterious cloak posted:

If you get just enough Roni, it will form a perfect sheath around the turd and it will slide out without residue and go down without flushing

With my last dying breaths I hold up a clean piece of toilet paper that I just wiped my rear end with and show it to my wife. “Perfect poops” I whisper as the life drains from my face.

r u ready to WALK
Sep 29, 2001


B_sketchy
May 31, 2019

This is price gouging, right?

https://www.amazon.com/dp/B078H89R6R/ref=cm_sw_r_other_apa_i_IQrBEbF7C90KN

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018

Lol

DickParasite
Dec 2, 2004


Slippery Tilde

Nurge posted:

Look I don't mind making jokes about whatever, but the fact is it's only a matter of time before goons are going to start losing parents/grandparents, and dying themselves. It's just a bit of a bad time for it imo. But you do you. I'm not going to pretend I haven't made tasteless jokes at inopportune times.

I just remembered my grandmother (mom's mom) is still alive. She was never kind to my mother or me when I was little and eventually she and my mother just sort of fell out of contact. After that I saw no reason to try either. The last time we spoke was probably ten years ago. She must be in her late eighties by now.

No reason for this anecdote just felt like sharing.

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018

For a 1000 bucks that thing better suck your dick

Sirotan
Oct 17, 2006

Sirotan is a seal.


i must compose posted:

So can I still go to the gym if it's in my state?

Gyms are kind of gross places even when we're not in the middle of a pandemic, so you should really stay home if you can. I had a hard time making the same decision since I do not have any gym equipment at home. Here's some bodyweight exercises you can do in the meantime!







Don't forget things like going for a run, wall sits, planks and stuff you can do without weights or equipment!

Alien Sex Manual
Dec 14, 2010

is not a sandwich

Aside from my client blaming covid19 on 5G towers, my cousin informs me it was created in a lab.

Please god I know conspiracies sometimes happen but why do you need an explanation other than “humans are irrational and myopic”??

veni veni veni
Jun 5, 2005


HugeGrossBurrito posted:

For a 1000 bucks that thing better suck your dick

these things went from widely available to gone in just a matter of hours. I bought one on Amazon for $60 and was looking through about 40 of them, all sold by amazon starting at about $20. Plenty of stock. This was yesterday morning. Then the one I bought was out of stock when I checked the order summary after work, and they were all gone. Then the one I bought reappeared for hundreds of dollars, and it was gone again. it's like everyone had the revelation at the same time.

I'd be surprised if it actually shows up in the mail at this rate tbh.

Sono
Apr 9, 2008





https://camelcamelcamel.com/product/B078H89R6R

You could've had it for as low as $840 but missed your chance.

:capitalism:

Arsenic Lupin
Apr 12, 2012

This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.


.... there are people out there buying used bidets?

Mordja
Apr 26, 2014

Hell Gem
They've figured out why there are so few infections in India.

gary oldmans diary
Sep 26, 2005

Arsenic Lupin posted:

.... there are people out there buying used bidets?
it may say gently used but ive never known that to apply to anything that goes near a toilet

Soysaucebeast
Mar 4, 2008




Sirotan posted:

Gyms are kind of gross places even when we're not in the middle of a pandemic, so you should really stay home if you can. I had a hard time making the same decision since I do not have any gym equipment at home. Here's some bodyweight exercises you can do in the meantime!







Don't forget things like going for a run, wall sits, planks and stuff you can do without weights or equipment!

Or you can play Ring Fit Adventure! Hope you already have it though, because it's also being price gouged from 70$ to 200$.

Faith For Two
Aug 27, 2015
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=zStn70Ot4r0

has this been posted yet?

Nurge
Feb 4, 2009

by Reene
Fun Shoe

I'm a GEP gun

LimburgLimbo
Feb 10, 2008

Arsenic Lupin posted:

.... there are people out there buying used bidets?

Do you think people replace the toilet seats of every apartment they ever get?

Hobo Clown
Oct 16, 2012

Here it is, Baby.
Your killer track.




Soysaucebeast posted:

Or you can play Ring Fit Adventure! Hope you already have it though, because it's also being price gouged from 70$ to 200$.

Yikes, is that from third party sellers or is Nintendo getting in on the grift?

Ring Fit Adventure is pretty dope though for anyone that can find it at regular price.

Cacafuego
Jul 22, 2007

Mordja posted:

They've figured out why there are so few infections in India.


:laugh:

r u ready to WALK
Sep 29, 2001

HugeGrossBurrito posted:

For a 1000 bucks that thing better suck your dick

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=mQ_ZTBmKpX8

Arsenic Lupin
Apr 12, 2012

This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.


LimburgLimbo posted:

Do you think people replace the toilet seats of every apartment they ever get?
Bidets are substantially harder to clean than toilet seats.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost
How often does the operations dashboard update?

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018
I mean you don’t poop into the Biden

HugeGrossBurrito
Mar 20, 2018
Lmao just gunna leave that autocorrect

Soysaucebeast
Mar 4, 2008




Hobo Clown posted:

Yikes, is that from third party sellers or is Nintendo getting in on the grift?

Ring Fit Adventure is pretty dope though for anyone that can find it at regular price.

It's all third party sellers so far as I can tell. I did check the Nintendo website though and they don't even have it listed there. I saw some a walmart last week though for the normal price.

numberoneposter
Feb 19, 2014

How much do I cum? The answer might surprise you!

i feel like poo poo i think i have the virus

edit: never mind forgot that im just hung over :cheers:

TheCenturion
May 3, 2013
HI I LIKE TO GIVE ADVICE ON RELATIONSHIPS
I've been trying, for a few days now, to figure what this thread was really reminding me of. Then it hit me; the Bug City soucebook for Shadowrun, circa 1994.

Anywho, I've got a date tomorrow with a woman who works in a hospital. I am Tyr Anasazi! Of Kodiak Pride out of Victoria by Barbarossa! And I! Will never! Surrendah!

Old Boot
May 9, 2012



Buglord
Hey guys, there's an extremely bullshit article going around about 'flattening the curve' being some giant lie. It's written by a computer toucher that doesn't know things.

Listen to this guy instead:

https://twitter.com/CT_Bergstrom/status/1238718629094379521

WithoutTheFezOn
Aug 28, 2005
Oh no

Desperate Character posted:

if you're in florida I would use the florida department of health website to see where all the confirmed cases have been; so far it seems we've only have had isolated cases in the tampa bay area but community spread is seemingly starting in counties like Broward and Miami-Dade

Tampa Bay Times is fantastic (for everyone in Florida) as it is releasing all coronavirus articles as free and has a map that is updated daily showing the known locations as well

https://www.tampabay.com/news/health/2020/03/12/map-and-details-of-florida-coronavirus-cases/
This is pretty cool and well-presented but it looks like it’s a little behind the Dept of Health website that it looks like it’s scraped from (which is also a little behind). But here’s the source:

http://www.floridahealth.gov/diseases-and-conditions/COVID-19/index.html

B_sketchy
May 31, 2019

Trump Caught Google Off Guard With a Bogus Coronavirus Site Announcement | WIRED
https://www.wired.com/story/coronavirus-donald-trump-google-website/

Bamabalacha
Sep 18, 2006

Outta my way, ya dumb rah-rah!
I told her I'd strongly consider quarantining at my parents' house, and then made a joke about my boyfriend leaving our cat in a carrier on the porch, so we could time share her.

flubber nuts
Oct 5, 2005


Pick posted:

How often does the operations dashboard update?

appears to be every 20 to 30 minutes

Arsenic Lupin
Apr 12, 2012

This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.


TheCenturion posted:

I am Tyr Anasazi! Of Kodiak Pride out of Victoria by Barbarossa! And I! Will never! Surrendah!
:perfect:

A newborn in England appears to have caught coronavirus from its infected mother. Not clear whether it was in the labor and delivery room or before birth.

Pick
Jul 19, 2009
Nap Ghost

BIG TIT LIL NIP posted:

appears to be every 20 to 30 minutes

Thanks.

Resting Lich Face
Feb 21, 2019


This case of an intraperitoneal zucchini is unusual, and does raise questions as to how hard one has to push a blunt vegetable to perforate the rectum.
I've been practicing this quarantine thing for years. Don't leave the house for weeks at a time? Easy peasy.

A Bakers Cousin
Dec 18, 2003

by vyelkin

Nurge posted:

This isn't as funny as you think it is considering we're going to have millions of old people actually dying from this regardless.

That's what makes it funny in the first place

SeXReX
Jan 9, 2009

I drink, mostly.
And get mad at people on the internet


:emptyquote:

Resting Lich Face posted:

I've been practicing this quarantine thing for years. Don't leave the house for weeks at a time? Easy peasy.

All my friends have been social distancing for the better part of a decade

That's why they never call me to hang out right???

Mulaney Power Move
Dec 30, 2004

Nurge posted:

The poor are going to get disproportionately infected in fact, because they have less chance to prep and afford to quarantine themselves.

pretty much everything bad in society disproportionately affects the poor which is why i lost it at the marxist goons who had a hard on in the economic collapse thread

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Domus
May 7, 2007

Kidney Buddies
So did anyone else’s workplace use the phrase “business as usual” while trying to explain why they’re still in operation? It’s eerily accurate. I fix vending machine coin mechs by the way, so it’s not like we’re some vital supply source or something.

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