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(Thread IKs: Josherino)
 
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actionjackson
Jan 12, 2003

This isn't about me really, but all the election and corona poo poo has made things that are already very difficult even worse for my father - his brother (fraternal twin) has had severe mental illness since the 1960s. He's bipolar and the mania phase involves a lot of delusions. So he's just saying really hurtful things to us talking about how we are all dumber than he is. He also claims he's attained enlightenment, that he's going to be a millionaire, etc. etc. and now of course he's stuck inside even more than he already was (which was a lot).

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Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.

Eat This Glob posted:

i read that as "lycra" first and thought spandex is a weird choice, before my idiocy dawned on me

Look buddy if it helps my depression then I'll wear just about everything

Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.

"salisbury posted:

Just going to namedrop GoodRx in this thread because it really helped me out without insurance. If you're buying your drugs out of pocket, run them through GoodRx first, it could save you a lot of money.

I said a little earlier upstream but it deserves triplicate mention and how it never made it into the op I'll never know.

prom candy
Dec 16, 2005

Only I may dance

Unsinkabear posted:

Also, what is the pomodoro timer that you use?

https://chrome.google.com/webstore/detail/strict-workflow/cgmnfnmlficgeijcalkgnnkigkefkbhd?hl=en

Failson
Sep 2, 2018
Fun Shoe
Is there a depressed version of Sundowning?

Like, 4:00 hits, and i want to lose it and cry. Just overwhelmed with sadness.
Good day, bad, doesnt matter.

Sometimes I can pull up, but not lately.

UnfortunateSexFart
May 18, 2008

𒃻 𒌓𒁉𒋫 𒆷𒁀𒅅𒆷
𒆠𒂖 𒌉 𒌫 𒁮𒈠𒈾𒅗 𒂉 𒉡𒌒𒂉𒊑


Australia is going into full lockdown in the next 48 hours, I will lose my job and do not qualify for any benefits/stimulus as a temporary visa holder. Cool.

Picked a lovely time to finally get bored of video games.

Gnossiennes
Jan 7, 2013


Loving chairs more every day!

Failson posted:

Is there a depressed version of Sundowning?

Like, 4:00 hits, and i want to lose it and cry. Just overwhelmed with sadness.
Good day, bad, doesnt matter.

Sometimes I can pull up, but not lately.

Does crying relieve any tension for you? if it does, let it happen, accept it, release. Sometimes you just gotta let yourself feel what you're feeling, fully feel it.

Zvahl
Oct 14, 2005

научный кот

Failson posted:

Is there a depressed version of Sundowning?

Like, 4:00 hits, and i want to lose it and cry. Just overwhelmed with sadness.
Good day, bad, doesnt matter.

Sometimes I can pull up, but not lately.

as someone who has no actual idea what he's talking about, this sounds kinda familiar, and I'd bet it has a lot to do with just being a morning person or not a morning person in general

I remember hearing a lot of people talking about depression as not wanting to get out of bed and realizing that I never really had that--getting up has always been easy and morning is in general my most upbeat and positive time of the day regardless of where my general depression level is

Instead it's just as the day goes on especially through a work day, by the time I'm done with work or evening rolls around or whatever, that's when everything hits hard, and I'm just a useless lump even if everything isn't actively falling apart, and so I make sure to talk myself out of doing anything because I already know I'm at my worst for the day and so instead of not getting out of bed, that's how I make everything worse

This probably doesn't really help with anything, especially since most depression problems are people-related and most people hate the morning which is the only time I operate well, but it's good to know about, at least, and I know to do the hardest things I need to get done as early as possible so that I don't talk myself out of it so I can lie around stoned on the couch and mope

chibi luda
Apr 17, 2013

I'm a lot better off than most, even people in this thread. My partner still has a job, both of us are healthy, and I have a video game and movie backlog long enough to ride this thing out for years if I had to (Animal Crossing is legitimately great). In the greater terms of things, I have no right to be upset.

But this is triggering my mental illnesses in the worse ways. My company is almost definitely going out of business in the next few weeks; I think they are just trying to give everyone a little more time for health insurance and paychecks before folding. I'd be eligible for unemployment, but my state's systems are crashing and demand is only getting worse. My partner works in reproductive health and things are still continuing as normal as they can there, so I feel safe-ish, but honeslty I think this could effect *everyone* by the time it's even close to over.

On top of that, I feel very unseen and unloved by my friends. I know a lot of this is negative thoughts because I still remain in contact with them, but that's certainly not helping.

I don't think now is the time to start seeing a therapist because who knows how long I'll be employed. And besides, when I was in therapy, I become way too aware of what the therapist may or may not be thinking or feeling. I would be extraordinary guilt of making a therapist sit through yet *another* hour of someone freaking the gently caress out over video chat.

Failson posted:

Is there a depressed version of Sundowning?

Like, 4:00 hits, and i want to lose it and cry. Just overwhelmed with sadness.
Good day, bad, doesnt matter.

Sometimes I can pull up, but not lately.


I 100% have gotten this every day at around the same time, yeah.

I can almost never outright get rid of my depression, so I end up leaning into it by watching or reading something really morbid. I think we're at the point where I'm gonna watch Come and See for the first time tonight. gently caress, man.

Please be safe, goons.

Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.

Failson posted:

Is there a depressed version of Sundowning?

Like, 4:00 hits, and i want to lose it and cry. Just overwhelmed with sadness.
Good day, bad, doesnt matter.

Sometimes I can pull up, but not lately.

It's not uncommon. I have a someWHAT similar issue with 2:30 PM, where my anxiety ramps up to ridiculous levels for what I thought was no good goddamn reason. Guess around what time I made my attempt and was driven to the hospital?

What I'm saying is, there may be a trigger you're not aware of---something that happens in the background or has happened in the past. It's something to spend time thinking about IMO.

Wrenever
Jul 22, 2007


thehandtruck posted:

Big dumb effortpost ahead. I'm spoilering it because there's a good chance someone might be angered or triggered by it but I think the ideas could help some people like they helped me so I wanted them to at the very least exist in here. Nothing below is novel so read at your own risk.


Someone itt posted an interesting idea that normies and their ilk are too afraid to face the realities of coronavirus and that's why they're not freaking out while we (cspammers) are. It got me thinking about projections and anxieties and how we handle anxiety in general.

Humans frequently come into contact with multiple anxiety inducing elements in their lives. Some things like, "am I going to pass this test?" or "will I nail this job interview?" are elements that are small enough in scope they can be addressed, or they are transient and will pass. But some elements are so big that a single person can't address them and weighing even more heavily on our chests, they are not transient and will not pass. I think in the modern American mind those things are: Pedophiles run the world and can kill at a whim in broad daylight and there is nothing you can do about it, and the brutal indifference of our social/economic system.

So what do normies do? They shove the latter two thoughts into their unconscious closet. We might make fun of them for it but if it can't be fixed, is it really beneficial to perseverate on these ideas? Is it really improving our lives?

They use defense mechanisms to go about their lives. And defense mechanisms are not inherently unhealthy. In fact they exist to keep us functioning. Even when we were cavemen who needed to climb a mountain to get food or whatever, it's not helpful to think about how unlikely it is that we succeed in that climb even if only 5% survive that climb. The 5% that survived were the progenitors of our race, so the defense mechanism was successful by preventing them from giving up. It's the same thing as when you enter an academic program that lasts a few years. It isn't helpful to think about how long it will take to complete at day 1. Point being defense mechanisms can be very healthy and good.

But anyway back to the normies. So the normies are now living their lives, repressing anxiety-inducing facts of capitalism. The thing is that anxiety has to go somewhere. It's no coincidence that corona is the first big anxious global event after Epstein was killed. So they put all the anxieties from things they can't fix into a big anxiety that is at least much more fixable, corona. They can go buy things (the main method of self-soothing in a capitalist society) and Freud would love the fact that the first thing to get panic bought was something that caresses our anuses. They can address corona by buying things and staying home.

They are indeed ignoring the problems with capitalism and our society by worrying about corona.

But are we doing the same thing, albiet in a slightly different way?

What if there were things we needed to fix about ourselves that we are forced to confront now that we're home all day, but those things were so painful and scary that we chose something slightly less scary to focus on, coronavirus?

I've used work as a distraction so that I didn't have to work on myself, but now that work is on hold I've been forced to deal with those things.

Coronavirus IS terrifying, it very well might kill people we don't want to die and it will cause a recession. It is definitely upsetting our lives, for many people by actually removing their source of income (if that's you the next part is not directed at you). But ask yourself, are you using it as a distraction (like I was)? Or are you using this time to improve yourself. Are you placing all of your anxieties about internal things into this external thing, because it's easier and more familiar to address than improving yourself?

I think we can take this time to sort of re-prioritize our anxieties and decide where we put our anxious energy. We need to understand you can only change the things you can change and about 90% of those things are within. Can we change the social system? Probably not. But what about our family system? or relationship system? our internal system? Can we exercise, meditate, analyze our dreams, go for a walk, draw, write? What can we do?

I want to once again recommend the episode of This Jungian Life about this Climate Change. It was very affirming and calming for me, hopefully someone else will enjoy it too. It's extremely relevant to corona and is also kinda cpsammy.


Well wishes to all of you.

Hey, thanks for this, I found that it really helped me out.

UnfortunateSexFart
May 18, 2008

𒃻 𒌓𒁉𒋫 𒆷𒁀𒅅𒆷
𒆠𒂖 𒌉 𒌫 𒁮𒈠𒈾𒅗 𒂉 𒉡𒌒𒂉𒊑


4am is my anxiety time. Wish it was 4pm

AceOfFlames
Oct 9, 2012

I'm massively behind my work schedule because my limited ability to concentrate has been demolished by WFH. I'm afraid I will never work again. I have these issues to resolve I have been given with the caveat "I hope you don't JUST do this otherwise I will be dissapointed" and I barely finished one of them. I am panicking. Help.

Unsinkabear
Jun 8, 2013

Ensign, raise the beariscope.





salisbury shake posted:

What are they besides guanfacine and modafinil? Can't take the former because I'm on a medication that acts at the same receptor site as guanfacine does, but as an antagonist.

Just going to namedrop GoodRx in this thread because it really helped me out without insurance. If you're buying your drugs out of pocket, run them through GoodRx first, it could save you a lot of money.

I take Straterra/atomoxetine. It's been the silver bullet for me, but I have no idea about the receptor bit. When I don't get enough sleep, I sometimes miss the supercharged amphetamine effect of Vyvanse, but I super don't miss the cost, irritability, or anxiety that it comes with.

Now I just need to find something better than lamictal and trazodone for the mood swings and anxiety. Those two work, but only somewhat. It feels more like a band-aid more than a solution.

AceOfFlames posted:

I'm massively behind my work schedule because my limited ability to concentrate has been demolished by WFH. I'm afraid I will never work again. I have these issues to resolve I have been given with the caveat "I hope you don't JUST do this otherwise I will be dissapointed" and I barely finished one of them. I am panicking. Help.

Hey there, productivity struggle buddy. YMMV, but what works for me at times like this is to just feel that panic for a minute, let it do its thing, and then accept that there's nothing I can do about where I am, all I can do is move forward. Then take a deep breath and just do focus on doing the next thing I can, minute by minute, at the speed that I can. Just focus on continuing to slowly put one foot in front of the other. Hum the "next right thing" song from Frozen 2, if you need to. Add in the Pomodoro timer linked above, maybe? More than anything else, don't rush, even though that's going to feel counterintuitive. Not only will you make more mistakes when rushing, but you're more likely to spin yourself back up into that anxiety spiral and waste more time. Instead, try to focus on staying calm and doing whatever's in front of you, and let that undercurrent of fear just keep you focused and moving forward. You're still going to be anxious and feel like poo poo, but it gets easier to manage once you get a few little things done and feel a little less poo poo, then you can snowball from there.

When I plod stubbornly I get almost as much done as when I'm hypomanic and working in spurts of energy with bullshit in between. You might end up having to work more time to get it done, but you will get it done. Slow and steady, race, etc. You can do it. :glomp:

Unsinkabear has issued a correction as of 23:08 on Mar 22, 2020

Wrenever
Jul 22, 2007


AceOfFlames posted:

I'm massively behind my work schedule because my limited ability to concentrate has been demolished by WFH. I'm afraid I will never work again. I have these issues to resolve I have been given with the caveat "I hope you don't JUST do this otherwise I will be dissapointed" and I barely finished one of them. I am panicking. Help.

This is maybe something small but I chant "Just start one thing" to myself, sometimes out loud. With the mentality that I don't need to complete it, just to set the task into motion. I beat myself up about tasks I should be doing and am not, and that makes them even less desirable to think about or do. Once i'm actually working it's a lot easier to continue on them with egg timers/pomodoro or whatever focus tools are available.

SSJ_naruto_2003
Oct 12, 2012



Siljmonster posted:

lol i did that most of the day yesterday

guess what every manager says "go apply online"

NO ONE IN STORES HANDLES THIS poo poo

edit: your advice is poo poo

I am going off of my experience as a Walmart worker lmao I literally know how it works. They say to apply online and you do have to... But they exclusively hire people who bug them often enough that they manually pull their name up.

Lmao at you thinking it's some loving condescending boomer stuff though. I worked at Walmart for years and likely would still be working there if I hadn't moved. Now I work nowhere instead.

I didn't say go in to some random place, only the one company I know.

The reason I brought it up is my wife still works for them and they have started hiring people with 1-day notice rather than the normal two ish weeks. No background check, etc. They're really swamped with all the panic buying.

This isn't some "guess you aren't trying hard enough" poo poo, I'm just legit trying to help you get some income during this time. Hell, I'm jobless since I cant get rehired until next month.
Edit: oh well sorry to bother you.

SSJ_naruto_2003 has issued a correction as of 06:47 on Mar 23, 2020

Siljmonster
Dec 16, 2005

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

SSJ_naruto_2003 posted:

I am going off of my experience as a Walmart worker lmao I literally know how it works. They say to apply online and you do have to... But they exclusively hire people who bug them often enough that they manually pull their name up.

Lmao at you thinking it's some loving condescending boomer stuff though. I worked at Walmart for years and likely would still be working there if I hadn't moved. Now I work nowhere instead.

I didn't say go in to some random place, only the one company I know.

The reason I brought it up is my wife still works for them and they have started hiring people with 1-day notice rather than the normal two ish weeks. No background check, etc. They're really swamped with all the panic buying.
Edit: oh well sorry to bother you.

You're passive aggressive as gently caress.

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.

thehandtruck posted:

Big dumb effortpost ahead. I'm spoilering it because there's a good chance someone might be angered or triggered by it but I think the ideas could help some people like they helped me so I wanted them to at the very least exist in here. Nothing below is novel so read at your own risk.


Someone itt posted an interesting idea that normies and their ilk are too afraid to face the realities of coronavirus and that's why they're not freaking out while we (cspammers) are. It got me thinking about projections and anxieties and how we handle anxiety in general.

Humans frequently come into contact with multiple anxiety inducing elements in their lives. Some things like, "am I going to pass this test?" or "will I nail this job interview?" are elements that are small enough in scope they can be addressed, or they are transient and will pass. But some elements are so big that a single person can't address them and weighing even more heavily on our chests, they are not transient and will not pass. I think in the modern American mind those things are: Pedophiles run the world and can kill at a whim in broad daylight and there is nothing you can do about it, and the brutal indifference of our social/economic system.

So what do normies do? They shove the latter two thoughts into their unconscious closet. We might make fun of them for it but if it can't be fixed, is it really beneficial to perseverate on these ideas? Is it really improving our lives?

They use defense mechanisms to go about their lives. And defense mechanisms are not inherently unhealthy. In fact they exist to keep us functioning. Even when we were cavemen who needed to climb a mountain to get food or whatever, it's not helpful to think about how unlikely it is that we succeed in that climb even if only 5% survive that climb. The 5% that survived were the progenitors of our race, so the defense mechanism was successful by preventing them from giving up. It's the same thing as when you enter an academic program that lasts a few years. It isn't helpful to think about how long it will take to complete at day 1. Point being defense mechanisms can be very healthy and good.

But anyway back to the normies. So the normies are now living their lives, repressing anxiety-inducing facts of capitalism. The thing is that anxiety has to go somewhere. It's no coincidence that corona is the first big anxious global event after Epstein was killed. So they put all the anxieties from things they can't fix into a big anxiety that is at least much more fixable, corona. They can go buy things (the main method of self-soothing in a capitalist society) and Freud would love the fact that the first thing to get panic bought was something that caresses our anuses. They can address corona by buying things and staying home.

They are indeed ignoring the problems with capitalism and our society by worrying about corona.

But are we doing the same thing, albiet in a slightly different way?

What if there were things we needed to fix about ourselves that we are forced to confront now that we're home all day, but those things were so painful and scary that we chose something slightly less scary to focus on, coronavirus?

I've used work as a distraction so that I didn't have to work on myself, but now that work is on hold I've been forced to deal with those things.

Coronavirus IS terrifying, it very well might kill people we don't want to die and it will cause a recession. It is definitely upsetting our lives, for many people by actually removing their source of income (if that's you the next part is not directed at you). But ask yourself, are you using it as a distraction (like I was)? Or are you using this time to improve yourself. Are you placing all of your anxieties about internal things into this external thing, because it's easier and more familiar to address than improving yourself?

I think we can take this time to sort of re-prioritize our anxieties and decide where we put our anxious energy. We need to understand you can only change the things you can change and about 90% of those things are within. Can we change the social system? Probably not. But what about our family system? or relationship system? our internal system? Can we exercise, meditate, analyze our dreams, go for a walk, draw, write? What can we do?

I want to once again recommend the episode of This Jungian Life about this Climate Change. It was very affirming and calming for me, hopefully someone else will enjoy it too. It's extremely relevant to corona and is also kinda cpsammy.


Well wishes to all of you.

I liked this post

Dreddout
Oct 1, 2015

You must stay drunk on writing so reality cannot destroy you.
I think the ideal mean is to have a normies mindset and a cspam mentality. That is to say to at once have the knowledge base/beliefs of an informed leftist while at the same time being able to handle day to day life. After all, knowing all the theory in the world matters little to advancing your goal if you never leave your house.

The world needs more proactive leftists. I don't care what tendency you identify with or what strategy you advocate for so long as you go out there and do it. Live your beliefs, in any capacity you can.

Admittedly it's an extremely tight rope to walk. Acknowledging that the world is hosed up while at the same time facing society head on. You have to build up yourself as a person before you can be expected to do this. You have to metaphorically strengthen yourself to face the world around you

This is something I'm trying to get better at myself. :unsmith:

Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.
Let's try to keep it civil, guys and gals. I'm too goddamned worn out to drag my laptop over and start hitting mute buttons so your attention to these matters is appreciated.

Re: trazedone/lamictal, it worked very well on me during crisis and after except when it built up in my system I literally couldn't tell the difference between memories and dreams. I'm on Rexaulti now and I love it but insurance companies will fight you with every last breath to deny it and then pay as little as possible once it's approved. If you get prescribed it, have insurance, and can get it approved, just roll right up to the manufacturer website and they have an option to download a coupon that gives you two free months and then copay of 15 after to literally anyone who can download it. With only the insurance's "help" it's like 208.

I'm not even mad at this, it crosses an event horizon into absurdity such that the only response I can muster is laughing.

Flutch
Jun 26, 2008

UnfortunateSexFart posted:

4am is my anxiety time. Wish it was 4pm

Unsinkabear
Jun 8, 2013

Ensign, raise the beariscope.





Siljmonster posted:

You're passive aggressive as gently caress.

Maybe it's because they were trying to help you, and you were very rude? :iiam:

Chokes McGee posted:

Let's try to keep it civil, guys and gals. I'm too goddamned worn out to drag my laptop over and start hitting mute buttons so your attention to these matters is appreciated.

Re: trazedone/lamictal, it worked very well on me during crisis and after except when it built up in my system I literally couldn't tell the difference between memories and dreams. I'm on Rexaulti now and I love it but insurance companies will fight you with every last breath to deny it and then pay as little as possible once it's approved. If you get prescribed it, have insurance, and can get it approved, just roll right up to the manufacturer website and they have an option to download a coupon that gives you two free months and then copay of 15 after to literally anyone who can download it. With only the insurance's "help" it's like 208.

I'm not even mad at this, it crosses an event horizon into absurdity such that the only response I can muster is laughing.

Thanks for this. I've definitely had a couple "did this happen or did I just dream it" moments lately, so I'll look into it (once I find a new pdoc who does video calls).

Siljmonster
Dec 16, 2005

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Unsinkabear posted:

Maybe it's because they were trying to help you, and you were very rude? :iiam:

gently caress off.

Raine
Apr 30, 2013

ACCELERATIONIST SUPERDOOMER



On the off chance this helps someone, let me share my journey through depression and how I currently survive in this hellworld.

My downfall began in early 2015.

I was 20 years old, just an average complacent US citizen, and I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. After a few years dipping a toe into different areas of study, an EMT program at my local community college caught my eye. What if I could be a hero and save people? I signed up. At this point in time, I had only a passing interest in politics and just voted blue. I was a horribly stereotypical liberal (I didn't know the difference between liberal and libertarian and always got them confused) who thought we lived in a perfect system in a respectable country.

After passing my EMT program, I was ready to start saving lives. I went to my local ambulance company, which essentially ran a monopoly in my county, and was easily hired on. They let me pick my role and hours through their scheduling website. I signed on to a full-time Rover position. Being a Rover meant that I would call the company shortly before my scheduled shift, and be sent out to a random 911 station that needed an EMT. What I didn't know was that I had just inadvertently exploited a loophole. Company policy was that I should have worked a full year on non-emergency interfacility shifts before being allowed to transfer to a 911 station. I had bypassed this by not technically being assigned to a 911 station; I was just filling in for random shifts. On day one, as a newly minted hero, I was going to be in emergency situations.

My very first day brutally destroyed any notion I had of being a hero. My first 911 call was a postictal homeless guy coming out of a seizure, throwing punches and taking 3 of us to hold down on the stretcher. I had no idea where any of the hospitals were and had to google them. I got through my first day with the help of my very friendly and knowledgeable paramedic partner.

I won't go into too much detail because it might be unhealthy for some people, but my time as an EMT changed me completely. For the next year, I saw more than my share of death and suffering, and saved NO ONE. Some of the things I saw I will never forget, and my mind won't let me forget. I learned that our health care system is a business, and became all too aware of how much an ambulance ride to the hospital costs for patients. It was around $1,200. I started actively telling patients to get their own rides to the hospital, whenever practical. I learned how my ambulance company, because they essentially ran a monopoly in my county, hadn't raised our meager hourly pay rate in years. They also spent the bare minimum for equipment and ambulance maintenance (they were already refurbished U-Haul trucks) which kept breaking down on me. I got sick of how lovely things were and I quit after working there for almost a year.

All of this had made me more cynical and less naive, as well as giving me many nightmares, but I still hadn't connected the dots with the bigger picture. I still thought that this was just the way things were, and there was no way around it.

A few years later in 2018, I had gone back to aimlessly trying different things, and was in a computer science program. Later I would decide that I couldn't work in a career where I would be sitting down all the time, and I'd decide to aim for medical school so I can one day be a surgeon, but at the time I was enjoying my studies and programming sessions. I had gotten married to a wonderful woman who is now my wife, and everything seemed to be going well for me. My first-hand experiences with death and suffering were pushed to the back of my mind, only to occasionally reappear in nightmares.

Then my dad died from a heroin overdose.

Then my 18 year old sister hung herself, a few months later.

I denied reality. I drank. And drank. Until I was drinking a liter of vodka a day. My world got darker. Every day it was harder to get out of bed. There was an oppressive abyss bearing down on my soul. It wrapped around my throat and tightened its grip. A few times I found myself laying down in the shower, in my wife's lap, crying my eyes out. I would have killed myself at that point if it hadn't been for her. I knew exactly how to do it so that I wouldn't fail; the curse of being medically trained. My wife, even as it hurt her mental health, helped by shouldering some of my despair. Eventually, as my pride evaporated just like my hope had evaporated, she convinced me to get help.

First, I went to a counselor. After a few weeks of this, it was clear that counseling wasn't helping me, so I was referred to a psychiatrist. He prescribed me antidepressants, which he increased in dosage until I was taking as much as he was comfortable prescribing. My oppressive despair dulled until it was a vague sense of wrongness. I could get out of bed again. I finished the few remaining months of my semester riding my medically-induced unfeeling normality.

I was sick of the drugged feeling by this point, so I took a break in my studies to recover without my meds. After I stopped taking my medication, the despair slowly started coming back. Since I wasn't busy with school, I had time to think about things and do some introspection. I started to connect the dots. Why did my dad fall into hard drugs? Because for years he had been failing repeatedly to land jobs, he couldn't afford anything and had to live with my grandparents, had medical problems he didn't disclose because the medical costs would be too high, and had fallen into depression. Why did my sister hang herself? Because she had fallen into depression and our lovely mental health system didn't help her at all. I also reflected on my time as an EMT. I realized that because our health care system is a business, things were just as bad all over the country. Was there another way? I started questioning the unquestionable bedrock of our society, capitalism. My despair was starting to manifest itself again, threatening my sanity.

That's around the time everything came together for me. Late 2018.

My experiences, suffering, death, and questions coalesced into a fundamental understanding.

I finally realized that all of these problems stemmed from an unimaginably large and encompassing system that I had taken for granted my entire life.

Capitalism.

My despair, which had fully returned with its inky black tendrils enveloping me, instantly evaporated upon this realization.

It was replaced by an inferno of rage.

I couldn't believe how uncontrollably angry I was. Why are we still living under capitalism? Who is keeping it alive? How could anyone accept a system that lets people die, just because it's more profitable that way? Why the gently caress did my dad and sister not have access to the help they needed? How the actual gently caress can we get out of this hell, and why aren't people rioting in the streets?

As I started searching for the answers to these questions, by reading theory and scouring the news, my rage didn't go away. It increased. It still increases. Giving up hope for change is exactly the mindset that perpetuates capitalism. Change starts with each and every one of us. I'm not going to lay down and accept this loving system anymore. If we give up, how are we supposed to expect anyone else to fight for change?

My rage gives me purpose, and I set to improving myself. I worked out. I started a surgical technology course to set myself on the path to becoming a surgeon. I found out I had ADD and was prescribed amphetamines, which have sharpened my mind and given my rage a lens of clarity to work through. I armed myself. I started connecting and organizing with comrades; taking part in protests and working against fascists and their ilk. I campaigned for Bernie in Nevada (traveled from out of state), and helped with the caucus. I've radicalized people, including my wife. Even now I'm working with comrades; we set up a mutual aid Slack for our community and have distributed a couple hundred flyers, so that our community learns to work together instead of against each other in this crisis.

Being consumed by rage might not be the best way for others to escape depression, but let me say something:

These are unprecedented times. It's tempting to fall into despair and give up, but I ask you instead to realize how important you are to the future of this world. Capitalism was always going to fall apart, and it's very possible that we have arrived at that moment in history. It's not going to be pleasant. It was never going to be pleasant. It's going to be dirty. Coming to terms with the horrors of this world was not easy for me, nor do I expect it to be for anyone else. Have someone you can spill your guts out to, someone to be there for you. Your mental and physical health is more important than anything else. Just know that everyone needs you.

Proletariat worldwide are being violently pulled from the carefully crafted illusion of the status quo. This is the perfect time to work with your community and show them that we are all going through this together. Lead by example, let them see that we don't have to be at each others throats to come out the other side of this.

If capitalism collapses, there are two directions (in general) society could go.

Fascism.

Or socialism.

We need to work hard and make sure society goes towards the latter and not the former.

See a guy spewing racism at someone Asian? Speak up, act, and let bystanders know that poo poo won't be tolerated. Read some online comments sowing distrust and division among your community? Why not start a mutual aid system where your community can connect with each other?

Promote egalitarianism and solidarity in your community, and oppose division and hatred. That's how we win. That's how we get people working together towards a better system and a better way of life.

Just remember one thing: you're the one that makes it possible.


Sorry for the long effortpost, but if it helped even one person, it was worth it.

Solidarity, comrades.

Unsinkabear
Jun 8, 2013

Ensign, raise the beariscope.





Siljmonster posted:

gently caress off.

Never. Here for you no matter what. :glomp:

How about essential services that can't be closed? Idk how competitive it is, but you I believe you only need a high school diploma to be a garbage collector. Does anyone else know of any similar infrastructure options?

Unsinkabear has issued a correction as of 16:35 on Mar 23, 2020

Failson
Sep 2, 2018
Fun Shoe
Love you all, and thanks for everything.

Raine
Apr 30, 2013

ACCELERATIONIST SUPERDOOMER



Failson posted:

Love you all, and thanks for everything.

Love ya too comrade <3

You doing alright?

Raine
Apr 30, 2013

ACCELERATIONIST SUPERDOOMER



Unsinkabear posted:

Never. Here for you no matter what. :glomp:

How about essential services that can't be closed? Idk how competitive it is, but you I believe you only need a high school diploma to be a garbage collector. Does anyone else know of any similar infrastructure options?

I guess it depends on what's available where Siljmonster lives. There is a severe job shortage right now.

Siljmonster, does your community have a mutual aid program being run by anyone? You should see if your community can support you through this, if your friends and family can't.

Alternatively, see if there are any comrades in your area, I'm sure they will support you. Consider joining the Socialist Rifle Association, even if you don't have guns. They have people everywhere and mutual aid is their bread and butter.

chibi luda
Apr 17, 2013

I really enjoy being able to read your different perspectives and have this space.


Does anyone else have any advice for dealing with social media-induced anxiety? Now that we're all isolated, I have this paranoid sense that my friends are all having fun online with each other without me. This happens to folks in the best of times, and now that it's one of the few methods of communication, I'm afraid of what it can do to myself and others.

thehandtruck
Mar 5, 2006

the thing about the jews is,

Funion posted:

On the off chance this helps someone, let me share my journey through depression and how I currently survive in this hellworld.

My downfall began in early 2015.

I was 20 years old, just an average complacent US citizen, and I had no idea what I was going to do with my life. After a few years dipping a toe into different areas of study, an EMT program at my local community college caught my eye. What if I could be a hero and save people? I signed up. At this point in time, I had only a passing interest in politics and just voted blue. I was a horribly stereotypical liberal (I didn't know the difference between liberal and libertarian and always got them confused) who thought we lived in a perfect system in a respectable country.

After passing my EMT program, I was ready to start saving lives. I went to my local ambulance company, which essentially ran a monopoly in my county, and was easily hired on. They let me pick my role and hours through their scheduling website. I signed on to a full-time Rover position. Being a Rover meant that I would call the company shortly before my scheduled shift, and be sent out to a random 911 station that needed an EMT. What I didn't know was that I had just inadvertently exploited a loophole. Company policy was that I should have worked a full year on non-emergency interfacility shifts before being allowed to transfer to a 911 station. I had bypassed this by not technically being assigned to a 911 station; I was just filling in for random shifts. On day one, as a newly minted hero, I was going to be in emergency situations.

My very first day brutally destroyed any notion I had of being a hero. My first 911 call was a postictal homeless guy coming out of a seizure, throwing punches and taking 3 of us to hold down on the stretcher. I had no idea where any of the hospitals were and had to google them. I got through my first day with the help of my very friendly and knowledgeable paramedic partner.

I won't go into too much detail because it might be unhealthy for some people, but my time as an EMT changed me completely. For the next year, I saw more than my share of death and suffering, and saved NO ONE. Some of the things I saw I will never forget, and my mind won't let me forget. I learned that our health care system is a business, and became all too aware of how much an ambulance ride to the hospital costs for patients. It was around $1,200. I started actively telling patients to get their own rides to the hospital, whenever practical. I learned how my ambulance company, because they essentially ran a monopoly in my county, hadn't raised our meager hourly pay rate in years. They also spent the bare minimum for equipment and ambulance maintenance (they were already refurbished U-Haul trucks) which kept breaking down on me. I got sick of how lovely things were and I quit after working there for almost a year.

All of this had made me more cynical and less naive, as well as giving me many nightmares, but I still hadn't connected the dots with the bigger picture. I still thought that this was just the way things were, and there was no way around it.

A few years later in 2018, I had gone back to aimlessly trying different things, and was in a computer science program. Later I would decide that I couldn't work in a career where I would be sitting down all the time, and I'd decide to aim for medical school so I can one day be a surgeon, but at the time I was enjoying my studies and programming sessions. I had gotten married to a wonderful woman who is now my wife, and everything seemed to be going well for me. My first-hand experiences with death and suffering were pushed to the back of my mind, only to occasionally reappear in nightmares.

Then my dad died from a heroin overdose.

Then my 18 year old sister hung herself, a few months later.

I denied reality. I drank. And drank. Until I was drinking a liter of vodka a day. My world got darker. Every day it was harder to get out of bed. There was an oppressive abyss bearing down on my soul. It wrapped around my throat and tightened its grip. A few times I found myself laying down in the shower, in my wife's lap, crying my eyes out. I would have killed myself at that point if it hadn't been for her. I knew exactly how to do it so that I wouldn't fail; the curse of being medically trained. My wife, even as it hurt her mental health, helped by shouldering some of my despair. Eventually, as my pride evaporated just like my hope had evaporated, she convinced me to get help.

First, I went to a counselor. After a few weeks of this, it was clear that counseling wasn't helping me, so I was referred to a psychiatrist. He prescribed me antidepressants, which he increased in dosage until I was taking as much as he was comfortable prescribing. My oppressive despair dulled until it was a vague sense of wrongness. I could get out of bed again. I finished the few remaining months of my semester riding my medically-induced unfeeling normality.

I was sick of the drugged feeling by this point, so I took a break in my studies to recover without my meds. After I stopped taking my medication, the despair slowly started coming back. Since I wasn't busy with school, I had time to think about things and do some introspection. I started to connect the dots. Why did my dad fall into hard drugs? Because for years he had been failing repeatedly to land jobs, he couldn't afford anything and had to live with my grandparents, had medical problems he didn't disclose because the medical costs would be too high, and had fallen into depression. Why did my sister hang herself? Because she had fallen into depression and our lovely mental health system didn't help her at all. I also reflected on my time as an EMT. I realized that because our health care system is a business, things were just as bad all over the country. Was there another way? I started questioning the unquestionable bedrock of our society, capitalism. My despair was starting to manifest itself again, threatening my sanity.

That's around the time everything came together for me. Late 2018.

My experiences, suffering, death, and questions coalesced into a fundamental understanding.

I finally realized that all of these problems stemmed from an unimaginably large and encompassing system that I had taken for granted my entire life.

Capitalism.

My despair, which had fully returned with its inky black tendrils enveloping me, instantly evaporated upon this realization.

It was replaced by an inferno of rage.

I couldn't believe how uncontrollably angry I was. Why are we still living under capitalism? Who is keeping it alive? How could anyone accept a system that lets people die, just because it's more profitable that way? Why the gently caress did my dad and sister not have access to the help they needed? How the actual gently caress can we get out of this hell, and why aren't people rioting in the streets?

As I started searching for the answers to these questions, by reading theory and scouring the news, my rage didn't go away. It increased. It still increases. Giving up hope for change is exactly the mindset that perpetuates capitalism. Change starts with each and every one of us. I'm not going to lay down and accept this loving system anymore. If we give up, how are we supposed to expect anyone else to fight for change?

My rage gives me purpose, and I set to improving myself. I worked out. I started a surgical technology course to set myself on the path to becoming a surgeon. I found out I had ADD and was prescribed amphetamines, which have sharpened my mind and given my rage a lens of clarity to work through. I armed myself. I started connecting and organizing with comrades; taking part in protests and working against fascists and their ilk. I campaigned for Bernie in Nevada (traveled from out of state), and helped with the caucus. I've radicalized people, including my wife. Even now I'm working with comrades; we set up a mutual aid Slack for our community and have distributed a couple hundred flyers, so that our community learns to work together instead of against each other in this crisis.

Being consumed by rage might not be the best way for others to escape depression, but let me say something:

These are unprecedented times. It's tempting to fall into despair and give up, but I ask you instead to realize how important you are to the future of this world. Capitalism was always going to fall apart, and it's very possible that we have arrived at that moment in history. It's not going to be pleasant. It was never going to be pleasant. It's going to be dirty. Coming to terms with the horrors of this world was not easy for me, nor do I expect it to be for anyone else. Have someone you can spill your guts out to, someone to be there for you. Your mental and physical health is more important than anything else. Just know that everyone needs you.

Proletariat worldwide are being violently pulled from the carefully crafted illusion of the status quo. This is the perfect time to work with your community and show them that we are all going through this together. Lead by example, let them see that we don't have to be at each others throats to come out the other side of this.

If capitalism collapses, there are two directions (in general) society could go.

Fascism.

Or socialism.

We need to work hard and make sure society goes towards the latter and not the former.

See a guy spewing racism at someone Asian? Speak up, act, and let bystanders know that poo poo won't be tolerated. Read some online comments sowing distrust and division among your community? Why not start a mutual aid system where your community can connect with each other?

Promote egalitarianism and solidarity in your community, and oppose division and hatred. That's how we win. That's how we get people working together towards a better system and a better way of life.

Just remember one thing: you're the one that makes it possible.


Sorry for the long effortpost, but if it helped even one person, it was worth it.

Solidarity, comrades.

God drat hell yeah thanks man.

Chokes McGee
Aug 7, 2008

This is Urotsuki.

thehandtruck posted:

God drat hell yeah thanks man.

Raine
Apr 30, 2013

ACCELERATIONIST SUPERDOOMER



You guys made my day, thank you. I've been a lurker for a long time since I'm usually busy, but with most people stuck at home I'll stick around cspam and help as much as I can.

UnfortunateSexFart
May 18, 2008

𒃻 𒌓𒁉𒋫 𒆷𒁀𒅅𒆷
𒆠𒂖 𒌉 𒌫 𒁮𒈠𒈾𒅗 𒂉 𒉡𒌒𒂉𒊑


The gym underneath my unit was finally shut down by government order and I got 9 hours of deep sleep without interruption. It was loving glorious. Shame it took a pandemic for the government to take action on what should have been an illegal situation. (That being no one able to sleep past 5:30am if you haven't seen my other posts)

Failson
Sep 2, 2018
Fun Shoe

Funion posted:

You guys made my day, thank you. I've been a lurker for a long time since I'm usually busy, but with most people stuck at home I'll stick around cspam and help as much as I can.

Much appreciated.


UnfortunateSexFart posted:

The gym underneath my unit was finally shut down by government order and I got 9 hours of deep sleep without interruption. It was loving glorious. Shame it took a pandemic for the government to take action on what should have been an illegal situation. (That being no one able to sleep past 5:30am if you haven't seen my other posts)

Hell yeah!

Any help from consulates or other bureaucrats on getting you and your wife the same relief as aussie workers? If they are getting any? I'm not sure the situation there at the moment.

i'm pulling for ya.

Wait, that sounds sexual.

Sending good vibes your way?

Damnnit.

Umm.

Positive thoughts?

SSJ_naruto_2003
Oct 12, 2012



Funion posted:

You guys made my day, thank you. I've been a lurker for a long time since I'm usually busy, but with most people stuck at home I'll stick around cspam and help as much as I can.

Your story mirrors mine quite a bit, and I shared with a friend who said the same thing. How many among us have been saved from suicidal depression by amazing people in their lives and then turned it to rage at capitalism? thanks for sharing, comrade

UnfortunateSexFart
May 18, 2008

𒃻 𒌓𒁉𒋫 𒆷𒁀𒅅𒆷
𒆠𒂖 𒌉 𒌫 𒁮𒈠𒈾𒅗 𒂉 𒉡𒌒𒂉𒊑


Failson posted:

Any help from consulates or other bureaucrats on getting you and your wife the same relief as aussie workers? If they are getting any? I'm not sure the situation there at the moment.

i'm pulling for ya.

Wait, that sounds sexual.

Sending good vibes your way?

Damnnit.

Umm.

Positive thoughts?

No sign of compensation for non-citizens/PR yet. Aussies get $2,200 per month while unemployed plus can withdraw $10,000 from their employer-paid retirement fund which is great. But it looks like my wife can work from home, and I'm still working somehow.

We do have six figures in our bank account, too, thanks to the Vancouver real estate bubble, but that was supposed to go into our new condo down payment.... At a construction site that was shut down yesterday... For a place that's gonna be worth half what we pay if we can even get financing. :(

I wish this all happened two years ago so I had nothing to lose. Although my area in Vancouver is hosed with a very old population of 200,000 relying on one tiny hospital that's overloaded at the best of times.

Appreciate the good vibes. Hopefully we all get through this.

Raine
Apr 30, 2013

ACCELERATIONIST SUPERDOOMER



SSJ_naruto_2003 posted:

Your story mirrors mine quite a bit, and I shared with a friend who said the same thing. How many among us have been saved from suicidal depression by amazing people in their lives and then turned it to rage at capitalism? thanks for sharing, comrade

This is the first time I've shared my story, and it's sobering to hear that others have experienced something similar. We have to save future generations from this normalized horror we were born into.

StashAugustine
Mar 24, 2013

Do not trust in hope- it will betray you! Only faith and hatred sustain.

i'm trying to decide how i should help out the local homeless shelter during this crisis and the conflict between my chronic laziness and my lack of regard for my own well-being combined with catholic/class guilt is being mediated by my inability to make decisions or talk about uncomfortable topics

xcheopis
Jul 23, 2003


My very first therapy by phone! Different. Mostly talked about feeling inadequate because my coworkers are highly skilled people seriously stepping up in this crisis and my work background is primarily accounting stuff. I am the least qualified and work the fewest hours, which leaves me feeling lovely. But that is just how some jobs are! I am doing the most I can do, every day!
Stupid brain.

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Siljmonster
Dec 16, 2005

by LITERALLY AN ADMIN
we got up to a 21 day wait for jobless benefits in sacramento

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