Coronavirus 2020 - START MAKING VENTILATORS, NOW!!!!!!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2020 - START MAKING VENTILATORS, NOW!!!!!!

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Plinkey: Aug 4, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Torpor posted:

how long does if live on PIZZA? smarty pants! leave it outside for a week.

roni loves cheese, so forever

# ? Mar 31, 2020 23:58

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# ? May 21, 2024 13:26

Jamsta: Dec 16, 2006; Oh you want some too? Fuck you!

MadJackal posted:

Day 10

"How many for you?" "Two." "Of twelve? Not so bad."

88F w/PMH of HTN, prediabetes, Afib (on Coumadin) presented w/ a 3 day hx of progressive SoB, cough and subjective fevers. Found to be COVID-19 positive. Hospital course significant for clinical deterioration during stay requiring supplemental O2 via NRB. Repeat CXR 3/29/20 showed interval development of diffuse increased interstitial markings concerning for multifocal B/L PNA. Pt started on comfort measures but was found to be�

�

Let�s start over.

There once was a woman who lived a really long time. Let�s call her Ethel; she looks like an Ethel.

Like any octogenarian, Ethel had a few health issues, for which she took exactly seven pills each morning. It sounds like she lived a full life. We only really know that she was a NON-SMOKER and LIVES AT HOME. No one wrote down anything more than that in the box that�s supposed to summarize Ethel�s social life. She had a husband who was her emergency contact. There�s no box to check if they loved one another, but it�s probably a given that this theoretical box would house a neat little checkmark inside. She had at least one daughter, whose name probably could be found in a chart under "Most Favorite Person in the World."

Unlike other octogenarians, Ethel never visited the hospital. She saw doctors, sure (that was the price of growing old) but as far back as the computer can look, there�s no record of her ever setting foot inside the Emergency Room, up until ten days ago at least.

Ten days ago she came to the hospital because it was getting harder to breathe. She also had a fever and her muscles were always sore, but it was the huffing and puffing that scared her enough to head in. She got some oxygen and was given a room inside the hospital all to herself. She got that room because she had COVID � that virus which was causing the whole world to go crazy and her neighborhood to shut down. But the nurses were kind and the food wasn�t so bad. The oxygen helped her breathe. She was getting those drugs the President said would cure COVID. She probably liked the President. She sure liked to watch the News on TV.

On her third day in the hospital, a doctor came by and explained that since she needs a mask to breathe, if things got worse, the next step would have to be putting her to sleep and hooking her up to machines to keep her alive. Ethel didn�t want that. But her Most Favorite Person in the World would want her to FIGHT, so she reluctantly said she would be ok with a plastic tube down her throat. But the doctor said that this was Ethel�s choice, not her daughter�s, and it was an important one. He left the room so she could decide what to do.

The form she signed was bright pink. It had boxes on it that housed neat little checkmarks next to DO NOT REVIVE and DO NOT INTUBATE.

Ethel continued to take her medications and continued to breathe with a mask. Sometimes the very nice nurses would tell her to lie on her belly because it would help her breathe better. It was getting harder to breathe, even with the mask. Ethel thought the medications were making it harder to breathe, but believed once she completed the five days, she would start feeling better and could go home.

Those five days came and went. She wasn�t feeling better and could not go home. Another doctor came by and explained that her specialty was helping people feel better towards the end of their lives (which was only a possibility in her case, not something written in stone.) Ethel liked the morphine this other doctor gave her because it made it easier to breathe. Ethel did not like the anxiety pills this other doctor gave her because they made her drowsy.

One day the same doctor she saw right before signing the bright pink form came to visit her again. He said she was going to die. Ethel was very angry at this because she thought she was doing better. She said some things which in the bigger scheme of things aren�t that important. But really she just wanted the doctor to call her family to tell them what was going on.

Ethel got more and more morphine. She kept asking for it so often that the nice nurses put a machine in her room that gave her morphine around the clock.

Ethel couldn�t or maybe didn�t want to answer the doctor�s questions anymore.

Ethel was very tired during the day, so she mostly slept.

Ethel went to sleep one afternoon and didn�t wake up.

�

�

227 of 257 patients in the hospital are COVID positive. 41 COVIDS on ventilators. The ICU has expanded to the Cath lab. We�re out of ventilators, I think.

The passing of "Ethel" today marks the first patient formerly under my team�s care to be killed by COVID.

It�s so much easier to write fiction than it is to write about how angry and sorry I feel.

I open up my email and the first one is titled "Heroes" and I want to pound the desk and go for a walk anywhere outside of these walls without a goddamn mask on my face.

I don�t want to humanize my patients more by imagining their lives outside their rooms back when they were healthy.

I don�t want to do the hard, right thing and be honest and get hurt.

I don�t want to see my patients be put on ventilators and/or die.

But I will. I have to.

# ? Mar 31, 2020 23:58

Irradiation: Sep 14, 2005; I understand your frustration.

Tei posted:

Ask yourself. USA numbers will be more like Germany, or more like Italy?, I think will be more like Germany.

The US already has 2.5x the total count of Germany and 5x the deaths.

# ? Mar 31, 2020 23:58

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Torpor posted:

how long does it live on PIZZA? smarty pants! leave it outside for a week.

if I understand how viruses work, any virus on the pizza would invade pizza cells and create more pizza, so there's really no downside to that part

# ? Mar 31, 2020 23:59

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

its hard to look at the US as a whole and get an accurate picture of anything, gotta look regionally or by state. states that did literally anything maybe end up very different than states that did nothing.

# ? Mar 31, 2020 23:59

sum: Nov 15, 2010

Sheng-Ji Yang posted:

the worldwide mortality rate atm is 4.8%

Not to sound like Bill Mitchell but there's heavy selection bias towards testing highly at-risk people because of test rationing. The fatality rate onboard the Diamond Princess, which had a median age of something like 65, was like 1%. Of course they got relatively high quality health care but still

# ? Mar 31, 2020 23:59

Vox Nihili: May 28, 2008

Tei posted:

Ask yourself. USA numbers will be more like Germany, or more like Italy?, I think will be more like Germany.

Our death numbers will be like nothing ever before seen!!!

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:00

SKULL.GIF: Jan 20, 2017

I feel like people talking about "no-contact delivery" and stuff like that aren't thinking about what goes into the process of making that food

like sure, good job, you stayed 12 feet from the delivery man and picked up the box, and now you're putting food in your mouth that people have breathed on while they were preparing it

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:00

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

SKULL.GIF posted:

I feel like people talking about "no-contact delivery" and stuff like that aren't thinking about what goes into the process of making that food

like sure, good job, you stayed 12 feet from the delivery man and picked up the box, and now you're putting food in your mouth that people have breathed on while they were preparing it

if you put the pizza immediately into the oven for a bit and throw out the box its fine I would assume

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:01

Durf: Aug 16, 2017

any research on cooking the virus?

what if you take out your 'za, stick it on a pan at 350 for 10 mins (toss the box then wash your hands)

i mean not that we're risking it. frozen pizza ftw

Durf fucked around with this message at 00:05 on Apr 1, 2020

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:01

tangy yet delightful: Sep 13, 2005

Early post today MadJackal. Hope it's because you got off shift early, I'm sure you need the rest.

Not becoming cold and distant to the suffering around you was hard enough for me when I was just doing normal EMT things years ago. I can only guess that it's that much harder now.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:01

super sweet best pal: Nov 18, 2009

U-DO Burger posted:

did buckley reboot the comic or something, why is it still going

It never ended, the reboot started right after the original timeline ended.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:02

FistEnergy: Nov 3, 2000; DAY CREW: WORKING HARD; Fun Shoe

Epic High Five posted:

if I understand how viruses work, any virus on the pizza would invade pizza cells and create more pizza, so there's really no downside to that part

yeah but it would be mutated, inedible, hosed up pizza. with like scabs or mushrooms on it

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:02

upgunned shitpost: Jan 21, 2015

if we pickup the posting pace, we can match the current us death count

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:02

Starks: Sep 24, 2006

hail satan

Only registered members can see post attachments!

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:02

upgunned shitpost: Jan 21, 2015

jesus... almost 4k now? maybe not.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:02

sexpig by night: Sep 8, 2011; by Azathoth

SKULL.GIF posted:

I feel like people talking about "no-contact delivery" and stuff like that aren't thinking about what goes into the process of making that food

like sure, good job, you stayed 12 feet from the delivery man and picked up the box, and now you're putting food in your mouth that people have breathed on while they were preparing it

I mean yea congrats on figuring out that society as a whole collapses during pandemics, but people need to eat and we don't have drones to do everything so yea we gotta just minimize where we can

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:02

Plinkey: Aug 4, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

Durf posted:

any research on cooking the virus?

what if you take out your 'za, stick it on a pan at 350 for 10 mins

i mean not that we're risking it. frozen pizza ftw

yeah, stick to take and bakes or frozen if you're that worried.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:03

Elderbean: Jun 10, 2013

From what I've been reading, getting this from delivery is unlikely.

Viruses have a threshold that's considered an infectious dose and it's unlikely that packaging is going to have enough of a dose on it to get someone sick.

Also, those numbers about Covid being active on a surface for x hours or days doesn't mean that a substantial portion of that initial dose is active for that long.

Be mindful of how you handle the packaging, discard it, wash your hands. Pop it in the microwave if you're really worried.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:03

sexpig by night: Sep 8, 2011; by Azathoth

Starks posted:

hail satan

holy poo poo

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:03

MoaM: Dec 1, 2009; Joyous.

Starks posted:

hail satan

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:03

Durf: Aug 16, 2017

FistEnergy posted:

yeah but it would be mutated, inedible, hosed up pizza. with like scabs or mushrooms on it

The Last of Za's

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:03

milkman dad: Aug 13, 2007

Starks posted:

I dont really get people making cloth masks, at that point can�t you just wear a bandanna over your face and not waste time sewing and poo poo

I think the idea is that sewn masks are less threatening than bandannas.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:03

Fuckt Tupp: Apr 19, 2007; Science

Mr Ice Cream Glove posted:

https://mobile.twitter.com/kwelkernbc/status/1245104803266605056

(to spin for my reelection campaign)

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:03

D O R K Y: Sep 1, 2001

just get a meatlovers, cows and pigs can't get the virus.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:03

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

If you're worried about that, order it uncut and do it at home, I doubt much virus makes it out of a pizza oven and if it's not cut it's going right into the box, which can then go right into the outside dumpster after the pizza is removed

definitely wouldn't order anything like a salad or breadsticks tho

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:04

Mons Hubris: Aug 29, 2004; fanci flup

We�ve gotten curbside pickup a few times and so far so good, ymmv

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:04

Plinkey: Aug 4, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

upgunned shitpost posted:

jesus... almost 4k now? maybe not.

probably hit 4k late tonight or early tomorrow

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:04

703: May 11, 2007; Contains Carbon Monoxide

make your pizza dough or by premade ones like boboli and a ball of mozz, jar of pizza sauce and some pepperonis. I've found home made pizzas a nice easy meal when i'm too depressed to spend any real amount of time cooking

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:05

Anime Schoolgirl: Nov 28, 2002

Starks posted:

hail satan

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:05

TMMadman: Sep 9, 2003; by Fluffdaddy

Burn both the government and the entire news media to the ground.

This is just loving stupid.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:05

Shear Modulus: Jun 9, 2010

sexpig by night posted:

Meanwhile

https://twitter.com/DrMattMcCarthy/status/1245114530360893441

incredible

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:06

Mokelumne Trekka: Nov 22, 2015; Soon.

upgunned shitpost posted:

jesus... almost 4k now? maybe not.

We're pretty close to a doubling rate every 3 days.

Sunday 3/29 we were at 2,5000 deaths; by end of Wednesday if could be 5,000, though I would say 4,600 unless a huge number comes out tomorrow.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:06

Elderbean: Jun 10, 2013

milkman dad posted:

I think the idea is that sewn masks are less threatening than bandannas.

They also hug the face a bit better and are less likely to get blown around by the wind. Also, a fun project if you're stuck inside.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:06

Plank Walker: Aug 11, 2005

a raccoon posted:

it only lives for 24 hours on cardboard so you could probably just leave the pizza on your front step for a full day before eating it

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:06

SKULL.GIF: Jan 20, 2017

sexpig by night posted:

I mean yea congrats on figuring out that society as a whole collapses during pandemics, but people need to eat and we don't have drones to do everything so yea we gotta just minimize where we can

delivery food is a luxury, not a cornerstone of uncollapsed society

I haven't eaten something I didn't cook for over three weeks now

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:07

Sheng-Ji Yang: Mar 5, 2014

sexpig by night posted:

Meanwhile

https://twitter.com/DrMattMcCarthy/status/1245114530360893441

ron desantis gonna give florida to the dems

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:07

sexpig by night: Sep 8, 2011; by Azathoth

SKULL.GIF posted:

delivery food is a luxury, not a cornerstone of uncollapsed society

I haven't eaten something I didn't cook for over three weeks now

dude this logic also applies to groceries and poo poo too, someone's touching your stuff

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:08

Terrifying Effigies: Oct 22, 2008; Problems look mighty small from 150 miles up.

MadJackal posted:

Day 10

"How many for you?" "Two." "Of twelve? Not so bad."

Just want to say I swing by this thread every day to see how you're holding up. It's one thing to see numbers tick up on a counter, but your stories help make the actual toll this disaster is inflicting something real and concrete that no amount of denialism and bullshitting can erase.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:08

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# ? May 21, 2024 13:26

MoaM: Dec 1, 2009; Joyous.

Dork457 posted:

just get a meatlovers, cows and pigs can't get the virus.

dogs too, I should invent the dog pizza

:frogdunce:

hot seller in these times, give me start up money!

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:08

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2020 - START MAKING VENTILATORS, NOW!!!!!!

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