Coronavirus 2020 - START MAKING VENTILATORS, NOW!!!!!!

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2020 - START MAKING VENTILATORS, NOW!!!!!!

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Lawman 0: Aug 17, 2010

Sheng-Ji Yang posted:

ron desantis gonna give florida to the dems

It's impressive honestly

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:08

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# ? May 21, 2024 14:10

Egg Moron: Jul 21, 2003; the dreams of the delighting void

703 posted:

make your pizza dough or by premade ones like boboli and a ball of mozz, jar of pizza sauce and some pepperonis. I've found home made pizzas a nice easy meal when i'm too depressed to spend any real amount of time cooking

yeah, this is the way to go

you can make a passable dough with just flour, water, butter and salt and it works fine

get nonperishable cans or cartons of tomato sauce

get mozz and parm and whatever topping you can and you are golden

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:08

SKULL.GIF: Jan 20, 2017

Sheng-Ji Yang posted:

ron desantis gonna give florida to the dems

lol gillum would've rescued florida

accelerationism works again, with no exceptions

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:08

Nothus: Feb 22, 2001; Buglord

Lmao at defending muh take-out to the bitter end.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:08

SKULL.GIF: Jan 20, 2017

sexpig by night posted:

dude this logic also applies to groceries and poo poo too, someone's touching your stuff

I'm not licking the packaging on my groceries, and, again, I'm personally cooking my food. the virus isn't going to survive a 180* range or a 400* bake

at the very least I'm going to be microwaving any delivery I'd be ordering and no chance in hell I'm ordering something not-hot

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:09

Man Musk: Jan 13, 2010

every day is multiple 9/11s the GOP finally did it :thembeans:

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:09

MoaM: Dec 1, 2009; Joyous.

the gig economy must thrive by my kitchen inept hands.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:09

Starks: Sep 24, 2006

you probably won't get covid from food: https://www.consumerreports.org/food-safety/coronavirus-common-questions-about-the-food-you-eat-food-safety/

that being said I personally haven't ordered any food because it just seems like an additional opportunity to get it even if the chances are low. Every time you open that front door it's a risk! Also it just seems like a good opportunity to save some goddamn money and stop eating so much takeout/delivery for me. It's not like I can claim to be too busy to cook.

If you do have to order delivery, it's probably better to get something hot with minimal contact like pizza that goes right into the box and not like, sushi.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:09

Homeless Friend: Jul 16, 2007

sexpig by night posted:

dude this logic also applies to groceries and poo poo too, someone's touching your stuff

You wash, prepare and cook that food and clean your hands before during and after is the difference.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:10

old beast lunatic: Nov 3, 2004; by Hand Knit

This poo poo is depressing. Need more feel good stories about packed evangelical suicide booths (churches)

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:10

Blockade: Oct 22, 2008

You're not likely to get covid from eating food unless you smear the pizza all over your face like an animal

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:10

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Starks posted:

you probably won't get covid from food: https://www.consumerreports.org/food-safety/coronavirus-common-questions-about-the-food-you-eat-food-safety/

that being said I personally haven't ordered any food because it just seems like an additional opportunity to get it even if the chances are low. Every time you open that front door it's a risk! Also it just seems like a good opportunity to save some goddamn money and stop eating so much takeout/delivery for me. It's not like I can claim to be too busy to cook.

If you do have to order delivery, it's probably better to get something hot with minimal contact like pizza that goes right into the box and not like, sushi.

there's a reason why salad and ice cream are such perennial outbreak vectors

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:11

anime was right: Jun 27, 2008; death is certain
keep yr cool

Blockade posted:

You're not likely to get covid from eating food unless you smear the pizza all over your face like an animal

[cough, cough]

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:11

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

old beast lunatic posted:

This poo poo is depressing. Need more feel good stories about packed evangelical suicide booths (churches)

somebody post that nose magnet guy story

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:11

Anime Schoolgirl: Nov 28, 2002

can you just loving imagine chinese media's reaction to the corpse truck parades that will inevitably be coming out of florida :yum:

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:11

anime was right: Jun 27, 2008; death is certain
keep yr cool

Anime Schoolgirl posted:

can you just loving imagine chinese media's reaction to the corpse truck parades that will inevitably be coming out of florida

typical american extravagance

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:12

Doorknob Slobber: Sep 10, 2006; by Fluffdaddy

can you imagine my reaction?

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:12

Farm Frenzy: Jan 3, 2007

SKULL.GIF posted:

I feel like people talking about "no-contact delivery" and stuff like that aren't thinking about what goes into the process of making that food

like sure, good job, you stayed 12 feet from the delivery man and picked up the box, and now you're putting food in your mouth that people have breathed on while they were preparing it

shut the gently caress up

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:12

Bip Roberts: Mar 29, 2005

Starks posted:

you probably won't get covid from food: https://www.consumerreports.org/food-safety/coronavirus-common-questions-about-the-food-you-eat-food-safety/

that being said I personally haven't ordered any food because it just seems like an additional opportunity to get it even if the chances are low. Every time you open that front door it's a risk! Also it just seems like a good opportunity to save some goddamn money and stop eating so much takeout/delivery for me. It's not like I can claim to be too busy to cook.

If you do have to order delivery, it's probably better to get something hot with minimal contact like pizza that goes right into the box and not like, sushi.

I just order things that I can reheat my self at home.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:12

Fluffy Bunnies: Jan 10, 2009

Starks posted:

hail satan

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:12

Knight: Dec 23, 2000; SPACE-A-HOLIC; Taco Defender

https://twitter.com/BenDoverTrum/status/1245104983999000576?s=20

Lotta heat, but not a lotta flavor

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:12

milkman dad: Aug 13, 2007

shovelbum posted:

so are homemade masks actually useless or not, like I fail to see how using a rag to tie a hepa filter to your face or whatever is doing nothing at all

Improvised masks would help to protect other people around you, but not necessarily protect you. The most recent data suggest that we project droplets much farther than what has been thought. Though you could still in theory inhale a droplet particle with an improvised mask, the projection distance of the particles you exhales will likely be much shorter distance.

The surgeon general tweeting only sick people should wears masks will be regretting that right about now.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:13

Homeless Friend: Jul 16, 2007

I'm joining the skill.gif squad, I will pwn you noobs

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:13

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

Lawman 0 posted:

It's impressive honestly

I like how Ron Desantis strategy this month is pushing the Trumpian narrative that all new cases are coming from evil invaders from the NE.

There is no widespread community transmission of Coronavirus in Florida, it's fake news if you want to shut down public areas like beaches.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:15

Elderbean: Jun 10, 2013

Not defending delivery, just noting that its unlikely that you'll get sick from a pizza because surface transmission isn't how most people are getting sick, especially if they're washing their hands and face.

Its respiratory, you mostly get it by sharing the same air with a sick person.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:15

upgunned shitpost: Jan 21, 2015

I cook my own food cuz I'm not some demented man-child, contrary to what my posting might lead you to believe.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:15

Anime Schoolgirl: Nov 28, 2002

Homeless Friend posted:

I'm joining the skill.gif squad, I will pwn you noobs

you don't have a cool raiding clan name yet? :sad:

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:16

galenanorth: May 19, 2016

I ate out during college so that I could eat something warm without having to go home and come back to campus, but I haven't eaten out much since then. McDonald's chicken is just chicken from Tyson, and my local grocery store orders their chicken from the same place. Their curly fries taste just like Arby's, too. The roast beef is a little too watery, but I guess next time I'll try using four paper towels instead of two

Before the pandemic, a neighbor sometimes gave me some Little Caesar's when she orders some, and it's way better than the store brand pizza, but I still like the store brand pizza as one in a variety of flavors as pizza brands

galenanorth fucked around with this message at 00:22 on Apr 1, 2020

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:16

marmot25: May 16, 2004; Yam Slacker

strombo holds the virus inside

pizza airs it out

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:16

upgunned shitpost: Jan 21, 2015

dipping my frozen chowder-pops into some tangy ranch right now

delicious!

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:17

Bharatrocity: Oct 20, 2005; One day son, all I own will still belong to the state

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:17

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

can't remember what I did for brisket last time in my instant pot, pretty sure it was 90 minutes and natural release, gonna go with that

needs to be fall apart tender if I'm gonna use it in this dope rear end pea soup

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:17

Crusader: Apr 11, 2002

america is great again

https://twitter.com/racheljulie/status/1245114069339852802

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:17

PokeJoe: Aug 24, 2004; hail cgatan

MadJackal posted:

Day 10

"How many for you?" "Two." "Of twelve? Not so bad."

88F w/PMH of HTN, prediabetes, Afib (on Coumadin) presented w/ a 3 day hx of progressive SoB, cough and subjective fevers. Found to be COVID-19 positive. Hospital course significant for clinical deterioration during stay requiring supplemental O2 via NRB. Repeat CXR 3/29/20 showed interval development of diffuse increased interstitial markings concerning for multifocal B/L PNA. Pt started on comfort measures but was found to be�

�

Let�s start over.

There once was a woman who lived a really long time. Let�s call her Ethel; she looks like an Ethel.

Like any octogenarian, Ethel had a few health issues, for which she took exactly seven pills each morning. It sounds like she lived a full life. We only really know that she was a NON-SMOKER and LIVES AT HOME. No one wrote down anything more than that in the box that�s supposed to summarize Ethel�s social life. She had a husband who was her emergency contact. There�s no box to check if they loved one another, but it�s probably a given that this theoretical box would house a neat little checkmark inside. She had at least one daughter, whose name probably could be found in a chart under "Most Favorite Person in the World."

Unlike other octogenarians, Ethel never visited the hospital. She saw doctors, sure (that was the price of growing old) but as far back as the computer can look, there�s no record of her ever setting foot inside the Emergency Room, up until ten days ago at least.

Ten days ago she came to the hospital because it was getting harder to breathe. She also had a fever and her muscles were always sore, but it was the huffing and puffing that scared her enough to head in. She got some oxygen and was given a room inside the hospital all to herself. She got that room because she had COVID � that virus which was causing the whole world to go crazy and her neighborhood to shut down. But the nurses were kind and the food wasn�t so bad. The oxygen helped her breathe. She was getting those drugs the President said would cure COVID. She probably liked the President. She sure liked to watch the News on TV.

On her third day in the hospital, a doctor came by and explained that since she needs a mask to breathe, if things got worse, the next step would have to be putting her to sleep and hooking her up to machines to keep her alive. Ethel didn�t want that. But her Most Favorite Person in the World would want her to FIGHT, so she reluctantly said she would be ok with a plastic tube down her throat. But the doctor said that this was Ethel�s choice, not her daughter�s, and it was an important one. He left the room so she could decide what to do.

The form she signed was bright pink. It had boxes on it that housed neat little checkmarks next to DO NOT REVIVE and DO NOT INTUBATE.

Ethel continued to take her medications and continued to breathe with a mask. Sometimes the very nice nurses would tell her to lie on her belly because it would help her breathe better. It was getting harder to breathe, even with the mask. Ethel thought the medications were making it harder to breathe, but believed once she completed the five days, she would start feeling better and could go home.

Those five days came and went. She wasn�t feeling better and could not go home. Another doctor came by and explained that her specialty was helping people feel better towards the end of their lives (which was only a possibility in her case, not something written in stone.) Ethel liked the morphine this other doctor gave her because it made it easier to breathe. Ethel did not like the anxiety pills this other doctor gave her because they made her drowsy.

One day the same doctor she saw right before signing the bright pink form came to visit her again. He said she was going to die. Ethel was very angry at this because she thought she was doing better. She said some things which in the bigger scheme of things aren�t that important. But really she just wanted the doctor to call her family to tell them what was going on.

Ethel got more and more morphine. She kept asking for it so often that the nice nurses put a machine in her room that gave her morphine around the clock.

Ethel couldn�t or maybe didn�t want to answer the doctor�s questions anymore.

Ethel was very tired during the day, so she mostly slept.

Ethel went to sleep one afternoon and didn�t wake up.

�

�

227 of 257 patients in the hospital are COVID positive. 41 COVIDS on ventilators. The ICU has expanded to the Cath lab. We�re out of ventilators, I think.

The passing of "Ethel" today marks the first patient formerly under my team�s care to be killed by COVID.

It�s so much easier to write fiction than it is to write about how angry and sorry I feel.

I open up my email and the first one is titled "Heroes" and I want to pound the desk and go for a walk anywhere outside of these walls without a goddamn mask on my face.

I don�t want to humanize my patients more by imagining their lives outside their rooms back when they were healthy.

I don�t want to do the hard, right thing and be honest and get hurt.

I don�t want to see my patients be put on ventilators and/or die.

But I will. I have to.

Thanks for posting these dude

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:17

bus hustler: Mar 14, 2019

Epic High Five posted:

can't remember what I did for brisket last time in my instant pot, pretty sure it was 90 minutes and natural release, gonna go with that

needs to be fall apart tender if I'm gonna use it in this dope rear end pea soup

ive been doing a lot of natural release during quarantine too

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:18

milkman dad: Aug 13, 2007

shovelbum posted:

are full face industrial or military respirators useless? is the resistance to these bc theres rules against reusable stuff even tho ppl are reusing disposables commonly now?

They're going to be more expensive than a N95, and without clear sterilization protocols way more expensive to maintain use. For future pandemics it would be great to have full face respirators and a clear sterilization process so they can be re-used.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:18

Homeless Friend: Jul 16, 2007

upgunned shitpost posted:

I cook my own food cuz I'm not some demented man-child, contrary to what my posting might lead you to believe.

Too bad. Man-children are near impervious to the virus.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:18

HiHo ChiRho: Oct 23, 2010

Sheng-Ji Yang posted:

ron desantis gonna give florida to the dems

This is hellworld, so we are going to find out chuds have an innate immunity to the disease and liberals die by the droves instead

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:19

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

Crusader posted:

america is great again

https://twitter.com/racheljulie/status/1245114069339852802

lol

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:19

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# ? May 21, 2024 14:10

etalian: Mar 20, 2006

Trump will send Boston Red Sox Adult Rain Ponchos to NYC as part of his gracious ad package.

# ? Apr 1, 2020 00:20

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2020 - START MAKING VENTILATORS, NOW!!!!!!

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