[COVID-19 April] I've licked things I might not ordinarily have licked

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [COVID-19 April] I've licked things I might not ordinarily have licked

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Der Meister: May 12, 2001

FAUXTON posted:

https://www.nature.com/articles/s41591-020-0820-9

here read this if you are wondering exactly how bullshit the "it came from a lab" conspiracy is

for starters, if this virus was engineered they picked a trash candidate for their fuckery, the underlying function is poo poo for what the implied goal of such a hypothetical experiment would have been and anyone calling themselves a scientist would have started with something that actually loving worked decently

next, they found its grand daddy coronavirus in bats and then found its uncle coronavirus in�illegally imported pangolins. If someone was using an illegal source of endangered loving pangolins as a loving virus test kitchen, they're dumb as poo poo because animal work in viruses uses a fuckload of animals and you aren't going to be poaching enough to sustain it nor would you get enough smuggled out undetected, nor would you provide a reliably consistent animal supply free of existing diseases that might gently caress with your program.

after that, they found the difference between the pangolin and bat viruses was the part that let the spiky bits bind to human cells so easily - not only is this the most mutable part of the virus, but exactly the part that would be most exposed to natural selection were it in, say, pangolins and constantly given access to human hosts.

they then went on to talk about the hypothetical of a laboratory accident, notably "what if this was being developed in a lab but escaped" but pointing out that had this been the case the hypothetical researchers had to have been loving around with nothing of use forever beforehand, publishing nothing of any intermediary science, and using dumb poo poo methods of developing samples which still would never have worked out because the virus as found in the wild clearly was influenced by natural selection - e.g. this thing kept getting thrown up against immune systems until something worked, then against another species until it worked, and then a random-rear end binding mutation made it stick to people.

The pangolin poo poo is really interesting because they point out that the bat virus is still the most similar to the roni overall, but there are specific chunks of the genome in the pangolin coronaviruses - namely the chunks governing the spiky bits - that bridge a good part of the gap. Natural selection works more like a rock in a stream than anything with agency but a good way of describing it is that they are fairly confident this passed through pangolins because the roni started in bats and picked up some key habits of highly successful viruses�somewhere�and the viruses they're finding in pangolins practices a good number of those key habits but not all of them - what they suggest happened was that it got into pangolins and kept testing door handles on the human immune system until it got supremely lucky. It's even likely it got a little lucky a few times before thanksgiving but because at the time it wasn't that great at making humans sick en masse nobody really noticed.

But yeah in order for this to have been doctored up in a lab they would have had to make decision after decision that defies any logical progress toward any conceivable goal aligned with the outcome to the point that xi almost certainly would have had them shot for wasting time and money loving around with nothing to show for it.

I disagree.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:39

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 16:31

Man Musk: Jan 13, 2010

yer ol pawpaw survived the china wuhan flu on beans and potatoes

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:40

zetamind2000: Nov 6, 2007; ~~I'm an alien.~~

The Alpha Centauri posted:

any irish ancestors i have are weeping

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:40

Chinatown: Sep 11, 2001; by Fluffdaddy; Fun Shoe

Admiral Ray posted:

they don't even use potatoes to make vodka, they use wheat or barley or whatever the gently caress

lots of vodka is made with potatoes

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:42

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Der Meister posted:

I disagree.

it is what it is

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:42

gregday: May 23, 2003

https://twitter.com/BrianAbelTV/status/1250856954521681921

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:44

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

"it's not from a lab because scientists are too smart to waste time or money"

Ok

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:44

The Alpha Centauri: Feb 15, 2019

gregday posted:

https://twitter.com/BrianAbelTV/status/1250856954521681921

lol

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:45

Google Butt: Oct 4, 2005; Xenology is an unnatural mixture of science fiction and formal logic. At its core is a flawed assumption...

that an alien race would be psychologically human.

gregday posted:

https://twitter.com/BrianAbelTV/status/1250856954521681921

Lmao I feel so bad for the non chuds in these states, gently caress

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:45

BULBASAUR: Apr 6, 2009; Soiled Meat

Chinatown posted:

the best vodka is made with potatoes

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:45

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

gregday posted:

https://twitter.com/BrianAbelTV/status/1250856954521681921

yeah this is what I was afraid Holcomb was talking about the other day

I guess in theory it can be a non stupid plan but it won't be

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:45

Man Musk: Jan 13, 2010

https://twitter.com/LilNasX/status/1250702862184640512

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:47

Gripweed: Nov 8, 2018; Women are wonderful animals, they should be making music and writing novels about having a complex relationship with your mother.

https://twitter.com/AngieMaxwell1/status/1250299598347718656?s=20

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:48

Drunkboxer: Jun 30, 2007

Salt Fish posted:

"it's not from a lab because scientists are too smart to waste time or money"

Ok

its not from a lab because that�s loving dumb as poo poo

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:48

Quiet Feet: Dec 14, 2009; THE HELL IS WITH THIS ASS!?

FAUXTON posted:

17 dead bodies found in a jersey nursing home sounds like the director's cut ending to the irishman

They should start giving them away like the nice potato farm is.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:48

Gripweed: Nov 8, 2018; Women are wonderful animals, they should be making music and writing novels about having a complex relationship with your mother.

gregday posted:

https://twitter.com/BrianAbelTV/status/1250856954521681921

MOWMIIK, or the Plains of Death

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:49

NofrikinfuN: Apr 23, 2009

Gripweed posted:

https://twitter.com/AngieMaxwell1/status/1250299598347718656?s=20

lmao

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:49

Failson: Sep 2, 2018; Fun Shoe

Crusader posted:

woops

https://twitter.com/DKThomp/status/1250512340468092934

AND their economy is still in the toilet:

https://twitter.com/ObsoleteDogma/status/1250837526354571264

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:50

wet_goods: Jun 21, 2004; I'M BAAD!

Gripweed posted:

https://twitter.com/AngieMaxwell1/status/1250299598347718656?s=20

Queen

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:50

Salt Fish: Sep 11, 2003; Cybernetic Crumb

Drunkboxer posted:

its not from a lab because that�s loving dumb as poo poo

The world is dumb as poo poo.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:50

FistEnergy: Nov 3, 2000; DAY CREW: WORKING HARD; Fun Shoe

https://twitter.com/CrainsChicago/status/1250848248694177792?s=19

the Great Lakes Consortium has logged on

:getin:

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:52

Der Meister: May 12, 2001

FAUXTON posted:

it is what it is

actually im right and ur wrong trump

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:52

Drunkboxer: Jun 30, 2007

Salt Fish posted:

The world is dumb as poo poo.

just the people in it are dumb, much like anyone who believes that you need a lab to make a pandemic

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:53

Cao Ni Ma: May 25, 2010

FistEnergy posted:

https://twitter.com/CrainsChicago/status/1250848248694177792?s=19

the Great Lakes Consortium has logged on

Full Balkanization

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:53

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

https://twitter.com/CharlieGileNBC/status/1250858163676614661

Holy poo poo. How long until the matching Amazon clusters?

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:53

seattle plague rat: Apr 6, 2020

Cao Ni Ma posted:

Full Balkanization

theyre gonna work their way up to a functioning federal bureacracy piecemeal

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:53

friendly 2 da void: Mar 23, 2018

fox news started talking about ITS A LAB two days ago and now every dumbass and their mother is spreading that poo poo into my cspam threads and my life

too stupid to live, the whole thing

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:55

Zberan Madowinty: Dec 7, 2016; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

gregday posted:

https://twitter.com/BrianAbelTV/status/1250856954521681921

lol Iowa and South Dakota, who have been saying gently caress it to everything, are not part of this. They're going to be the forgotten wastelands after this.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:56

poty: Jun 21, 2008; 虹はどこで終わるのですか？あなたの魂の中で、または地平線で?

facetoucher cat posted:

https://twitter.com/ABC7/status/1250492458686771200

post a video of the whole hour or gtfo

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:56

Drunkboxer: Jun 30, 2007

friendly 2 da void posted:

fox news started talking about ITS A LAB two days ago and now every dumbass and their mother is spreading that poo poo into my cspam threads and my life

too stupid to live, the whole thing

we deserve everything thats coming to us

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:56

A Gnarlacious Bro: Apr 25, 2007; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

Wow seems like you guys love China, makes you wonder why that isn't considered treason

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:56

seattle plague rat: Apr 6, 2020

friendly 2 da void posted:

fox news started talking about ITS A LAB two days ago and now every dumbass and their mother is spreading that poo poo into my cspam threads and my life

too stupid to live, the whole thing

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=whbyuy2nHBg

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:56

FAUXTON: Jun 2, 2005; spero che tu stia bene

Der Meister posted:

actually im right and ur wrong trump

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:57

Lpzie: Nov 20, 2006

where's my trumpbux!!! getting paid to go full RED but not the RED they think hehehe... hard-R RED!

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:57

Here To Help: Aug 16, 2008

Failson posted:

AND their economy is still in the toilet:

https://twitter.com/ObsoleteDogma/status/1250837526354571264

Yeah it should be kinda obvious that if you say OPEN FOR BUSINESS (U MAY DIE THO LOL) that a big % of people will simply avoid gathering because they value being alive more than economy. Truly insane to think people are gonna go see a marvel movie in theaters in sizable #'s during a pandemic.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:57

BULBASAUR: Apr 6, 2009; Soiled Meat

my extended Swedish family has been reporting things being fairly chill leading up to this week

now, the panic is beginning to take hold

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:58

Spergin Morlock: Aug 8, 2009

FistEnergy posted:

https://twitter.com/CrainsChicago/status/1250848248694177792?s=19

the Great Lakes Consortium has logged on

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:59

Epic High Five: Jun 5, 2004

Here To Help posted:

Yeah it should be kinda obvious that if you say OPEN FOR BUSINESS (U MAY DIE THO LOL) that a big % of people will simply avoid gathering because they value being alive more than economy. Truly insane to think people are gonna go see a marvel movie in theaters in sizable #'s during a pandemic.

it was something like 2-3 years after the Spanish Flu before people started behaving like pre-flu again, and that one blew through in a relatively short time frame compared to covid

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:59

triple sulk: Sep 17, 2014

hello

# ? Apr 16, 2020 19:59

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# ? Jun 5, 2024 16:31

sullat: Jan 9, 2012

A Gnarlacious Bro posted:

My downstairs neighbor is having some sort of bizarre episode where she�s walking around her house stomping rhythmically while periodically screaming gibberish

I had a neighbor that did that, I think it's something called being an alcoholic.

# ? Apr 16, 2020 20:01

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [COVID-19 April] I've licked things I might not ordinarily have licked

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