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Josherino)
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rudecyrus posted:Boy am I sick of being told "fake it until you make it" same and i think trying to do it has me faking all of my emotions and idk which ones are for real lately which is deeply concerning Chokes McGee posted:I think I was guilty of this at some point so my bad The thing is, it's not bad advice, even when someone doesn't want it. It's lovely to have to say it, it's conceding the actual helplessness we have in regards to helping people to not have a breakdown while only having a keyboard and a forum coded with gum to use. It feels like a shrug. It's even shittier to hear it, because if you've been given it in earnest like rudecyrus above, you already loving know nothing will improve if you actually just exist as an honest depressed person and want to talk about it. You know it far better than anybody telling it to you could, unless they're in the same boat you are, in which case, where the gently caress do they get off? Look how far it's gotten them! The reverse of both is also true. You actually won't get any better until you want to get better, and make yourself stand up and say that, either to yourself or a doctor or someone who can help. It's good advice to give, and often probably kind of necessary to deal with depressed people, since we work our best to lose the idea of actually wanting anything, including help. Hearing it can be helpful in some situations, even. It's usually just to get through something particularly harsh. Nobody thinks you're being flippant in saying something true, if trite. I'd like to think that most people posting here know that you, Chokes, above all, are only trying to help. It's just that it's probably in the same place I view "Go to the doctor," in that even if it's true, even if you know it's true, getting there is a step too far for where you are. Even when it's not directed at you in a thread, seeing advice like that being given reminds you that you can't do it.
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Apr 16, 2020 00:20
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Zvahl posted:The thing is, it's not bad advice I think it is. 
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Apr 16, 2020 02:17
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Shifty Nipples posted:I think it is. fair enough, I at least think that it's a sentiment that can have value if explored, but at face value like that it's pretty rote and useless to be sure but i don't think chokes meant it that way in any case
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Apr 16, 2020 02:58
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I'd say it's very contextual advice. Sometimes you just need to fake it for a little bit to get past some short-term problem, but faking it should not be a lifestyle imo. On a separate note, does anyone else itt get depressive swings? I usually get them every 3-5 weeks and I'm in the middle of one right now. Itll clear up in a day or two, but it still sucks to be me or anyone around me in the meantime. I think it's a bit odd that it happens relatively consistently.
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Apr 16, 2020 03:58
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Screaming Idiot posted:I work for an insurance company and they are awful and I feel like a war profiteer every day I'm there, but it's the only job in town that isn't factory work, Walmart, or fast food, and I would sooner kill myself than go back to fast food. I also get to work from home, and that's nice. I worked for an insurance company for precisely two days before quitting. gently caress that poo poo. I know it's tough but is there no way to move to a place with more options? I've worked 10 hours of OT for my employer this week. We need another person to help with the job but I fear they know they can abuse us cuz it's not like we can quit right now. My finger joints are on fire
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Apr 16, 2020 09:21
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cool dance moves posted:I'd say it's very contextual advice. Sometimes you just need to fake it for a little bit to get past some short-term problem, but faking it should not be a lifestyle imo. It's more like every month or two satan's unstable nephew gets to take over for a bit, but yeah. It's cyclical.
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Apr 16, 2020 15:55
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:I worked for an insurance company for precisely two days before quitting. gently caress that poo poo. I know it's tough but is there no way to move to a place with more options? I'd move if I could, but I don't have a car or anyone to crash with until I get on my feet again. If I get on my feet again. The system is designed to trap you, to make your present situation as bad as terrible while making all other options worse. We're always forced into taking the lesser of two evils.
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Apr 17, 2020 00:38
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Edit: momentary lapse of awareness, please ignore
mekyabetsu has issued a correction as of 08:12 on Apr 17, 2020 |
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Apr 17, 2020 07:52
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There's no such thing as a neutral news source. That's not just cynicism, either, I mean it's literally a misunderstanding of how communication and language work. The best you can really do is seek out sources that openly disclose their bias. Sadly I don't really have much better insight than you already do on that front; I try to read news from international sources so I'm not just getting American perspectives all the time but that's far from a complete answer.
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Apr 17, 2020 08:00
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Tuxedo Catfish posted:There's no such thing as a neutral news source.  Hopefully we can agree that Al Jazeera has a neutral point of view when it comes to international news relative to, say, OANN. Edit: Forget it. It was a bad idea in the first place. mekyabetsu has issued a correction as of 08:11 on Apr 17, 2020 |
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Apr 17, 2020 08:08
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"fake it till you make it" when used like "pull up your bootstraps" is empty advice at best and not really useful and I'm probably very guilty of throwing it out there myself oh god don't click my post history But some levels of fakery/acting are often quite helpful if your head wiring/chemistry don't mesh with societal expectations too well. For example- learning to fake a smile not only makes me feel a bit less self aware in public (people tend to subconsciously smile back) but doing it in phone conversations etc gives me a lot of control over how my voice sounds compared with how I felt and that helped a lot with my phone call anxiety. Learning about body language and forcing myself to open up my posture a bit was another one. If a bunch of small lies and bits of bad acting can get me through some of the necessary social interactions a bit easier/make them less draining then I'm very good with that. Fake that poo poo so I can get through doing what I need to do, and make it to the happy place where I can recover to go again. But it's not a long term plan or advice, can't always do it and it doesn't always work- it's just some strategies to get through a thing.
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Apr 17, 2020 10:48
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mekyabetsu posted:Yes, thank you. I had really hoped that the fact that I included and italicized the word relatively, combined with the fact that Im obviously at least semi-literate would make it clear that Im aware of that. Nah it's a fine question. I like the sources you listed and means.tv is decent too. I would just ask to keep the nature of the thread in mind and have a little more charity in the future for people responding to you. No worries though. And regarding your earlier question. No reason to feel super guilty, you were born into this system. If you're in a good spot though, you could donate and/or volunteer to leftist campaigns like Jess Scarane or any others. Don't feel obligated though, just do you. thehandtruck has issued a correction as of 11:08 on Apr 17, 2020 |
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Apr 17, 2020 11:06
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I'm taking a big step this weekend. I'm writing a letter to my parents officially "divorcing" myself from them, i.e. declaring intent not to show up for funerals or deathbeds. Unless something very dramatic happens, it'll be the last time I directly communicate with them. I'm going to get a ton of threatening phone calls from my dad, which is just going to be great. Completely great. Yeah.
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Apr 17, 2020 20:34
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Stay safe chokes 
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Apr 17, 2020 20:37
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cool dance moves posted:Stay safe chokes I appreciate it, but I'll be okay. I doubt they'll even finish the letter and get to the part where I tell them not to bother talking to me anymore. This is more for my peace of mind than anything else, so I can say "I warned you" and not feel bad about going to their funerals.
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Apr 17, 2020 20:44
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DesperateDan posted:"fake it till you make it" when used like "pull up your bootstraps" is empty advice at best and not really useful and I'm probably very guilty of throwing it out there myself oh god don't click my post history I can fake it. I've done it for interviews and the like. I'm talking about basically being told not to act miserable at home.
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Apr 17, 2020 23:19
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I've decided to take advantage of having all my needs met by fighting my brain poo poo via boujieness. Bought a big bag of weed, a whole ton of seeds, and some expensive ingredients to cook with (I am in a location where the supply lines are as good as they're gonna get, at least for now). Gonna stimulate the economy until my blood type is Xanax and white wine. All my
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Apr 18, 2020 01:13
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Alvarez IV posted:I've decided to take advantage of having all my needs met by fighting my brain poo poo via boujieness. Bought a big bag of weed, a whole ton of seeds, and some expensive ingredients to cook with (I am in a location where the supply lines are as good as they're gonna get, at least for now). Gonna stimulate the economy until my blood type is Xanax and white wine. All my Please don't advocate for self medication. It doesn't end well and can exacerbate a lot of conditions. Also please don't start yelling at me for saying that, I've had enough of that in the last month to last me a lifetime. I still have to the keep the thread on track for everyone that comes in here, and from now I'm probating anyone who loses their poo poo at me for trying to do.
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Apr 18, 2020 02:45
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Chokes McGee posted:Please don't advocate for self medication. It doesn't end well and can exacerbate a lot of conditions. Fair. Nobody self-medicate, do what your doctor says. I make bad decisions early and often and should not be emulated.
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Apr 18, 2020 03:21
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Alvarez IV posted:Fair. Nobody self-medicate, do what your doctor says. I make bad decisions early and often and should not be emulated. Appreciated. As an aside/reminder, always ask about marijuana usage because it may collide with your meds and not be compatible to any conditions, i.e. bipolar (for me, for instance). Some doctors may actually not be opposed to it! Idk though I have no medical license, I'm just a certified rear end in a top hat on the internet  Also, sorry for snapping at everyone, but I wrote a pretty heartfelt post a little while ago trying to cheer someone up and got absolutely ripped to shreds for it. That's admittedly tainted my view, but it seems like there's a growing undertone in hostility lately. I understand that, because poo poo is pretty hosed up right now and I'm lashing out myself if I don't watch it (see: previous post from me). Also, this is not directed at Alvarez, because they haven't done anything wrong. I ask everyone to remember that there is a literal thread rule against being a dick to people. I've not enforced it up until this point because of cowardice, not compassion, and I need to stop doing that if we're all going to feel safe opening up.
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Apr 18, 2020 04:18
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We believe in you Chokes. You're enough, for this thread and in general, regardless of who you do and don't probe.
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Apr 18, 2020 05:40
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Good luck Chokes, it may be scary but having virtually no contact with my parents has improved my happiness. Wife has terrible parents too and never seeing them has been great. She cried almost every day when her dad came to visit recently and it was so frustrating.
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Apr 18, 2020 05:50
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I have such a bad ear infection that I can't sleep. I started taking antibiotics for it this morning so I'm really hoping it goes away soon. I also hope my hearing comes back. I knew my ear has been hurting a while but can't afford the doctor generally. Had to spend part of my stimulus on it. I hope the people keeping me without insurance step on a Lego or something. If my loving appendicitis was a 10 out of 10 on the pain scale this is a 7 SSJ_naruto_2003 has issued a correction as of 08:59 on Apr 18, 2020 |
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Apr 18, 2020 08:54
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SSJ_naruto_2003 posted:I have such a bad ear infection that I can't sleep. I started taking antibiotics for it this morning so I'm really hoping it goes away soon. I also hope my hearing comes back. I knew my ear has been hurting a while but can't afford the doctor generally. Had to spend part of my stimulus on it. I found that anti-inflammatory medicines helped when I had a bad one last year. I think I took... aleve? Can't remember for sure, but definitely took a longer duration medicine to sleep through it, just cause otherwise the pressure and associated pain kept me awake. Might be good to ask your doc, though, since there could always be bad interactions between whatever anti-biotics they put you on and other stuff.
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Apr 18, 2020 11:54
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Generally antibiotics don't have bad interactions with anti inflammatory drugs like ibuprofen. source: I work in a pharmacy. make sure to eat something before taking ibuprofen if you can though.
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Apr 18, 2020 11:59
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Ended up having to go to the ER because nowhere else is open and it's approaching levels of pain that I last felt when I had appendicitis. I can't even loving think or hear out of my. Left ear lmao Not specifically mental health but it's In my head region so it counts right  Hahaha haha after sitting here for nearly an hour the first person to come in just wanted to "double check" I didn't have an employer or insurance because that's the more important thing. gently caress all this. SSJ_naruto_2003 has issued a correction as of 21:41 on Apr 18, 2020 |
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Apr 18, 2020 20:57
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When it comes to trying to find a therapist again, where do you even begin? I mean, with what to focus on. I have a shitton of problems and my on-again off-again treatment always seemed to focus on just one facet and I don't know which is going to help most. It started with seeing a therapist in my early twenties for depression so bad I stayed in bed all day instead of going to college, but that was inextricably linked to agoraphobia and social anxiety -- I was so afraid of being looked at by my peers or others while walking or taking public transit that after a point I couldn't stand it. Therapy was going well for a bit, but then I dropped off until I had a crisis and ended up needing intensive outpatient don't-kill-yourself therapy that was mostly group poo poo where, again, my crippling social phobia came up and a diagnosis and accommodations were made but mostly they definitely wanted us to not kill ourselves, maybe try to address the social anxiety after this program? I dropped off of therapy again after that for a very long time, partly because a bunch of close family members died and I witnessed some traumatic poo poo in a very short time span. Eventually after this I tried grief counseling because I thought that's what I needed, but I found myself incredibly uncomfortable talking about them because I realized I didn't have normal relationships with these family members so standard grief counseling probably wasn't going to help. Before I fell off hard from the first dip into therapy, we were hitting on the epiphany of schizoid personality disorder explaining why I had such difficulty with people, and talking about my family in this most recent attempt just dredged that back up and the fact that I'd never satisfactorily addressed it. Most recently, I went too far and ended up in the hospital because I could no longer bear to live with my childhood abuser, my brother. He was kicked out and I thought things were going to be okay but every time he comes around to visit I get sick with terror. We grew up abused by him and maybe he has changed and our mother can forgive him but I can't, it's like I can't control myself. So now I'm thinking I probably need to address that trauma first. But beyond all this, this entire time, I've also been a deeply closeted trans individual and that's been eating away at me, too. It's been the undercurrent. I feel like I have no solid human identity because it's all problems and lies I can't even begin to think to where to start with. When I tried grief counseling the therapist asked my pronouns and I still stupidly clam up and hesitate even when it's safe and I end up lying every time. What the gently caress is going to put me on the fast track to being healthy and normal? They're all tearing me apart on any given day. One rules more than the other depending on the circumstances but they all feel so severe and I just keep losing family and friends. I don't know who to find to help me. I'm 26 now and I guess all of this has been a shorter time span than I realize, typing it all out. I can't believe it. It's all too much and I really need to find somewhere to start. How do you decide what problem to address first? Is that even how it works, does there exist a therapist who can handle all of this?
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Apr 18, 2020 23:27
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i dont know if you have a magic bullet solution, but definitely try at least coming out to yourself, acting/dressing how you like in the safety of your room, call yourself a diff name and pronouns also maybe get a restraining order against brother? talk to some people here? they're super chill and positive and helped me some https://ingersollgendercenter.org/resources/ they even have weds night (online now) meetings for people! coming out was almost a magic bullet solution for me, i stopped being nervous in public and was proud to stand out, so i even wear flashy clothes sometimes. the first few months are the hardest though, i still had hella stubble and was bad at makeup to cover it up, but there's no way i can go back inthe closet got any sevens has issued a correction as of 00:49 on Apr 19, 2020 |
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Apr 19, 2020 00:47
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Seconding group. There's no way I bounce back from my attempt as quick as I did without it, and depending on where you find it, it may be free! I found my current bipolar group on meetup and they've been a godsend, although I also live in a large city, so YMMV. Have you discussed EMDR with your therapist? If you have problems with trauma, it may help. It's rough in the short term, but it's helped my wife tremendously.
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Apr 19, 2020 04:39
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I managed to get an extension on my work from home status but just got a cryptic message from my boss implying that my coworker sucks in the most diplomatic way and I need to come back to do more work for her. gently caress. Did 11 hours unpaid work last week as it was.
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Apr 20, 2020 05:39
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lol unpaid? f that poo poo boss is usin you
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Apr 20, 2020 06:37
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I'm on salary, which sounded cool until I found out it meant I had to work until the work is done. Still like $15k more than I've ever gotten though.
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Apr 20, 2020 08:31
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JARATE CURES SPIES posted:When it comes to trying to find a therapist again, where do you even begin? I mean, with what to focus on. I have a shitton of problems and my on-again off-again treatment always seemed to focus on just one facet and I don't know which is going to help most. Wow jcs, first off thanks for sharing all of that. It sounds like such an intense and difficult situation, I hope it doesn't come off as weird to say I'm proud to be on the same forum as someone who has been able to accomplish so much in spite of so much opposition. It's good you have a working diagnoses to go with, and Schizoid pd sounds about right. In a certain sense (a system's theory sense) you could say that your reaction to your life is actually quite normal and healthy, even though it feels like the opposite. Sending yourself to the hospital to get away from your abuser, who you LIVE with (!!!!!!) sounds pretty logical to me. Maybe your brain did a calculation that you'd rather be in a hospital full of people who want to help and heal you versus at home where your abuser can hurt you again. That math seems logical enough, don't you think? Same with the SPD. How can you enjoy the company of strangers and trust them when you can't even enjoy the company and trust of your family? Again very logical and "normal" imo. So you're definitely already on the heroes journey but maybe the pace has slowed a bit and the turns have been a bit windier than you'd hoped, that's okay. You're identifying it's time to get back on that path and that's wonderful. There's some info in the op about finding a therapist so check that out. Doesn't matter what subject you start with, they are all heavily heavily related and tangled and any therapist will be able to work with you, no extra credential required but If you want though when you call them you can ask if they've worked with SPD/social anxiety before. Let us know how it goes. Good luck.
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Apr 20, 2020 17:45
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I'm finding it harder and harder to give a poo poo about anything. It's a struggle to get out of bed in the morning. What's the point? It's not like I have places to go or people to see. I feel stagnant. I desperately want to be a writer, but I can't put words on a page because my brain refuses to comply. Every time I try to start it says, "Why bother? Go watch random Youtube videos instead," and I'll think "You're right, brain," and that's another day gone. My father has been pestering me about applying for a job, something I haven't done for a few months after I was rejected 6 times in a row. Actually, I didn't even get a rejection form -- they didn't bother to reply. At this point, I think I'm more or less unemployable -- employers see the huge gaps in my resume and the fact that I haven't worked since November and it raises red flags. My parents always say I'm "smart" but intelligence and passion don't matter in this society -- what matters are connections and the ability to endure mountains of horse poo poo being shoveled on you by your bosses. Well, whatever. I'll just bumble from one day to the next like I always do.
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Apr 21, 2020 04:16
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UnfortunateSexFart posted:I'm on salary, which sounded cool until I found out it meant I had to work until the work is done. once upon a time (2012) i did something like 78 hours in a week as a salaried employee. i was paid a flat $30k/yr. holy poo poo do i not miss that schedule
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Apr 21, 2020 04:26
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this might be a good time to do some (online) community college classes, if you have some sort of worker retraining program in your area you could take writing classes, for example. screenwriting is fun Charlie Kaufman has a great quote: a writer is someon for whom writing is more difficult
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Apr 21, 2020 04:29
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Eat This Glob posted:once upon a time (2012) i did something like 78 hours in a week as a salaried employee. i was paid a flat $30k/yr. holy poo poo do i not miss that schedule It hasn't been bad until lately but now we're in a hiring freeze supposedly despite business increasing (online phone retailer). We just can't keep up with the work in 8 hours.
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Apr 21, 2020 06:55
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rudecyrus posted:I'm finding it harder and harder to give a poo poo about anything. It's a struggle to get out of bed in the morning. What's the point? It's not like I have places to go or people to see. I feel stagnant. I desperately want to be a writer, but I can't put words on a page because my brain refuses to comply. Every time I try to start it says, "Why bother? Go watch random Youtube videos instead," and I'll think "You're right, brain," and that's another day gone. If I could get hired after 9ish months off, you can do this. Persistence in applying goddamn everywhere even left me with a choice between jobs (at exactly one time, after months of silence), so it's worth it. They're gonna ask what you were doing, you're going to say looking for good work. Also maybe watch youtubes on developing your hobby? I'm learning a new hobby with it rn and there's tons of material, I don't see why people wouldn't be out there teaching to make book big think, words do good much
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Apr 21, 2020 15:16
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Been lurking in this thread for a while and found it helpful. My mental health has really improved since my diagnosis and actually getting appropriate medication. My depressive periods are less frequent and less severe, though I still have some anxiety (not in a general sense but related to certain triggers/thoughts). What's really helped is being out in the sun every day since the coof hit the fan and just getting some walking in. It's also nice that my job has been really good about me working at home. Hope everyone ITT will be alright. I hope I won't need to come back for a good long time.
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Apr 21, 2020 17:56
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Jolene posted:Hope everyone ITT will be alright. I hope I won't need to come back for a good long time. I hope we dont see you again itt for a good long time!!! Wait poo poo that came out wrong I'm glad things are looking up for you! In a weird way, quarantine has helped me out a ton too. I'm getting more sunlight as well, so that may be changing my general attitude. Whatever the reason, I'm jogging consistently and even if I cant hit the gym anymore, I'm doing my best to commit to doing some bodyweight workouts at home. Plus personal projects, which are always nice. The one thing I still cant get my poo poo together on is job applications. I guess I dont yet have the kind of discipline to send out cover letters daily. I am still anxious about reaching out to people through LinkedIn or whatever, too. When I was in college the career services really hammered in the importance of networking so now I feel obligated to reach out to people, but cold-messaging always feels a bit weird to me. Is it a normal part of white-collar job hiring? 
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Apr 21, 2020 19:28
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