More shit that pisses you off: What does that say about the quality of your emails?

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > More shit that pisses you off: What does that say about the quality of your emails?

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Ham Equity: Apr 16, 2013; The first thing we do, let's kill all the cars.; Grimey Drawer

Agrikk posted:

Yeah, I know, I know.

It's just... holy crap can't someone come up with some kind of rough estimator? I'd take:

"This will take a few minutes."

"This will take around an hour."

"This will take all afternoon."

"Run this job and go to bed. It'll probably be ready by morning."

"Kick this job off on a Friday and I'll see you on Monday."

I started using the term "Methuselah Query" for a query that maybe your grandchildren will be able to see the results of. I'm lucky that we have a beefy enough database server and small enough set of data that if it takes more than an hour or two to run, I almost certainly have a circular reference in it. I think the 95-minute one I had to set up to run daily is my current record-holder.

# ? Apr 27, 2020 18:40

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# ? May 25, 2024 14:15

Bob Morales: Aug 18, 2006; ~~Just wear the fucking mask, Bob~~

I don't care how many people I probably infected with COVID-19 while refusing to wear a mask, my comfort is far more important than the health and safety of everyone around me!

"That query crashed the DB last time I ran it"

And you're running it...again?

I miss Mark :allears:

# ? Apr 27, 2020 18:46

Ham Equity: Apr 16, 2013; The first thing we do, let's kill all the cars.; Grimey Drawer

Bob Morales posted:

"That query crashed the DB last time I ran it"

And you're running it...again?

I miss Mark

Sure, just run it in Test first, no problem.

# ? Apr 27, 2020 18:50

devmd01: Mar 7, 2006; Elektronik
Supersonik

poo poo pissing me off, Sage software support.

�We don�t recommend running Sage 50 Accounting in a VM because it can be unstable, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn�t. Can you install it on a physical machine?�

What the gently caress.

# ? Apr 27, 2020 19:46

MF_James: May 8, 2008; I CANNOT HANDLE BEING CALLED OUT ON MY DUMBASS OPINIONS ABOUT ANTI-VIRUS AND SECURITY. I REALLY LIKE TO THINK THAT I KNOW THINGS HERE

INSTEAD I AM GOING TO WHINE ABOUT IT IN OTHER THREADS SO MY OPINION CAN FEEL VALIDATED IN AN ECHO CHAMBER I LIKE

Sage is a steaming pile of poo poo.

On a related but different note.

I am currently working with a client, that has a 911 dispatch center, they purchased new niche software that, according to their implementation engineer, might not work with DNS, the network port documentation was completely wrong and they aren't sure if 3rd party certs will work.

I assume DNS and certs will work just fine, but how the gently caress do they get the completely wrong port information put into approved documentation? I'm not talking they had UDP 4000 instead of TCP/4000 but UDP/3200 instead of TCP/1500 etc.

# ? Apr 27, 2020 19:50

dragonshardz: May 2, 2017

I do not at all miss the job where my primary responsibility was babysitting close-of-business scripts for a database.

My record number of hours spent twiddling my thumbs was four hours, because it was the end of the week, month, and year all on the same day.

# ? Apr 27, 2020 19:50

mllaneza: Apr 28, 2007; Veteran, Bermuda Triangle Expeditionary Force, 1993-1952

dragonshardz posted:

I do not at all miss the job where my primary responsibility was babysitting close-of-business scripts for a database.

My record number of hours spent twiddling my thumbs was four hours, because it was the end of the week, month, and year all on the same day.

The EOD reports I inherited in my very first full-time IT gig started off at 5-8 hours every loving day. They involved:

Hypercard
Filemaker
QuickKeys
Applescript
Retrospect

A year or so later they involved:

Filemaker
Retrospect, and the offsite backup was to an Orb drive instead of tape for speed.

and took about 90 minutes.

Then the IT manager did my annual review and wrote "mllaneza has made no improvements to the backup and reporting system in the past year." That set off a couple of days of yelling at HR. They made him actually fix it. To his credit, he then took an interest in the system and set up a closing rotation so I could mostly keep normal business hours. rear end in a top hat even took a few shifts himself.

# ? Apr 27, 2020 20:10

SyNack Sassimov: May 4, 2006; Let the robot win.
��--Captain James T. Vader

GnarlyCharlie4u posted:

Speaking of MDT does anyone have a "beginners guide to imaging / MDT" recommendation?
Helpdesk guy just got promoted and I want him to start doing this, but I don't really have time to teach him myself. Plus, I think fresh eyes learning it might help me improve/simplify the process.

One of the things I'll mention is that after a few years of using MDT on its own, I decided to integrate the SHSC favorite PDQ Deploy into it per this blog post:

https://www.pdq.com/blog/mdt-imaging-in-pdq-deploy/

So the only application MDT deploys now is Office 365, EXCUSE ME, "Microsoft 365 apps for business" :barf:

(and that's only because I'm not updating it frequently), and then it fires a Powershell script that calls PDQ Deploy.

The advantage of this is that it's a little easier to manage the apps I want to deploy in PDQ than it is importing them into MDT (mostly because I have to figure out the silent install commands myself for MDT). But more importantly, PDQ auto-updates, so whenever I image a machine it's guaranteed to have a very up to date set of applications.

For people who are from the big-enterprise world this sounds awful and terrible because you have different applications being deployed and you're not controlling them, but A) PDQ should be updating your other machines as well, and B) if you're running a big Windows enterprise you should have SCCM anyway and you don't need PDQ.

# ? Apr 27, 2020 21:35

Sickening: Jul 16, 2007; Black summer was the best summer.

Super Soaker Party! posted:

One of the things I'll mention is that after a few years of using MDT on its own, I decided to integrate the SHSC favorite PDQ Deploy into it per this blog post:

https://www.pdq.com/blog/mdt-imaging-in-pdq-deploy/

So the only application MDT deploys now is Office 365, EXCUSE ME, "Microsoft 365 apps for business" (and that's only because I'm not updating it frequently), and then it fires a Powershell script that calls PDQ Deploy.

The advantage of this is that it's a little easier to manage the apps I want to deploy in PDQ than it is importing them into MDT (mostly because I have to figure out the silent install commands myself for MDT). But more importantly, PDQ auto-updates, so whenever I image a machine it's guaranteed to have a very up to date set of applications.

For people who are from the big-enterprise world this sounds awful and terrible because you have different applications being deployed and you're not controlling them, but A) PDQ should be updating your other machines as well, and B) if you're running a big Windows enterprise you should have SCCM anyway and you don't need PDQ.

I would rather use PDQ and SCCM for basically every task PDQ can do. SCCM sucks.

# ? Apr 27, 2020 21:38

Mr. Clark2: Sep 17, 2003; Rocco sez: Oh man, what a bummer. Woof.

MDT question while we're on the topic. I need to reimage a Dell 3379 that has no built in ethernet port so I have to use a Dell branded USB-C to ethernet adapter. I'm able to PXE boot the machine and bet the imaging started. However, during the task sequence the machine reboots into Windows (vanilla v.1909 ISO downloaded from VLSC is what is being deployed) and then no longer recognizes the USB-C to ethernet adapter, and loses contact with the server that's running MDT so the task sequence fails. Obviously, I need to get the ethernet adapter driver to come into play somehow but I'm not quite sure where, at what step, to do that.
The funny thing is, I imaged about 20 of these same machines a couple years ago and I don't remember having any problem at that time :iiam:

# ? Apr 27, 2020 22:16

Sickening: Jul 16, 2007; Black summer was the best summer.

Mr. Clark2 posted:

MDT question while we're on the topic. I need to reimage a Dell 3379 that has no built in ethernet port so I have to use a Dell branded USB-C to ethernet adapter. I'm able to PXE boot the machine and bet the imaging started. However, during the task sequence the machine reboots into Windows (vanilla v.1909 ISO downloaded from VLSC is what is being deployed) and then no longer recognizes the USB-C to ethernet adapter, and loses contact with the server that's running MDT so the task sequence fails. Obviously, I need to get the ethernet adapter driver to come into play somehow but I'm not quite sure where, at what step, to do that.
The funny thing is, I imaged about 20 of these same machines a couple years ago and I don't remember having any problem at that time

That is what The drivers section of MDT is for. Import the drivers there and rebuild your boot disk. Its sometimes tricky getting the right driver in there, but that should do the trick.

# ? Apr 27, 2020 22:19

Squatch Ambassador: Nov 12, 2008; What? Never seen a shaved Squatch before?

devmd01 posted:

poo poo pissing me off, Sage software support.

�We don�t recommend running Sage 50 Accounting in a VM because it can be unstable, sometimes it works and sometimes it doesn�t. Can you install it on a physical machine?�

What the gently caress.

They also don't have any automated install options, so you have to gently caress around with Orca to make the .msi work as a silent install.

# ? Apr 27, 2020 22:28

SlowBloke: Aug 14, 2017

Mr. Clark2 posted:

MDT question while we're on the topic. I need to reimage a Dell 3379 that has no built in ethernet port so I have to use a Dell branded USB-C to ethernet adapter. I'm able to PXE boot the machine and bet the imaging started. However, during the task sequence the machine reboots into Windows (vanilla v.1909 ISO downloaded from VLSC is what is being deployed) and then no longer recognizes the USB-C to ethernet adapter, and loses contact with the server that's running MDT so the task sequence fails. Obviously, I need to get the ethernet adapter driver to come into play somehow but I'm not quite sure where, at what step, to do that.
The funny thing is, I imaged about 20 of these same machines a couple years ago and I don't remember having any problem at that time

There has been some generational changes in the asix chipset(most usb to Ethernet adapters use these) so with new chips a new driver is required to be integrated into the base image.

# ? Apr 28, 2020 15:21

Internet Explorer: Jun 1, 2005

I swear to gently caress I need to get the hell away from any role that involves dealing with Microsoft support or end-users in any capacity. I just loving can't anymore.

# ? Apr 28, 2020 17:17

Maigius: Jun 29, 2013

Every time I launch SQL developer, I will eventually get load library error 87 since starting to work remotely. It can be a few seconds to a few hours, but I can count on one hand how many times I've manually closed the program since I started working remotely.

Not pissing me off, the two major projects I've been working on and deployed are mentioned in a bunch of all staff announcements and press releases.

# ? Apr 28, 2020 17:23

bull3964: Nov 18, 2000; DO YOU HEAR THAT? THAT'S THE SOUND OF ME PATTING MYSELF ON THE BACK.

Internet Explorer posted:

I swear to gently caress I need to get the hell away from any role that involves dealing with Microsoft support or end-users in any capacity. I just loving can't anymore.

Username/post combo of the century right there.

# ? Apr 28, 2020 17:23

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

For the past six years, when I need to escalate a custome issue, I look in our phone tool to get a list of an org chart and a bunch of people I can reach out to.

"No!" says them. "That is inefficient! Use our new tool that is based on a tampermonkey script! It's a one-click escalate button!"

Nope. Sticking with my direct contact method as it 100% always works.

"Well, then you'll be doing it inefficiently because all this takes is one button push."

That's okay with me.

From the masses: "Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?"

# ? Apr 28, 2020 17:59

Schadenboner: Aug 15, 2011; by Shine

Agrikk posted:

From the masses: "Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?""Hey! Tampermonkey is broken" "Hey my script doesn't work!" "Hey The script crashes my browser." "This is crap." "How come this tampermonkey doesn't work?" "How do I tampermonkey?"

Couldn't you just make a script to automate this though?

# ? Apr 28, 2020 18:01

Agrikk: Oct 17, 2003; Take care with that! We have not fully ascertained its function, and the ticking is accelerating.

Thanatosian posted:

I started using the term "Methuselah Query" for a query that maybe your grandchildren will be able to see the results of. I'm lucky that we have a beefy enough database server and small enough set of data that if it takes more than an hour or two to run, I almost certainly have a circular reference in it. I think the 95-minute one I had to set up to run daily is my current record-holder.

More SQL database fuckery:

I have two database servers: SQL 2017 on EC2 r5.4xl. They are built identically, run the same scripts, have the same datasets. I have a performance script running from a third box that runs a generic query against both databases.

One database takes twice as long as the other to run the health check. To the tune of one running in 500msec, the other taking 1100-1500msec.

Boggles the mind.

# ? Apr 28, 2020 22:23

bull3964: Nov 18, 2000; DO YOU HEAR THAT? THAT'S THE SOUND OF ME PATTING MYSELF ON THE BACK.

That kind of behavior isn't all that outside of the ordinary depending on the other base load characteristics on the servers. A subtle change to an execution plan (which can easily happen based on external factors) can really influence stuff like that.

# ? Apr 28, 2020 22:39

LethalGeek: Nov 4, 2009

"It was working before" has got to be the dumbest and most spoiled thing someone can say about things breaking. I really want to know what reality these people are in where things don't just break out of the blue and I really have to wonder how poorly they deal with anything.

# ? Apr 29, 2020 01:51

Bob Morales: Aug 18, 2006; ~~Just wear the fucking mask, Bob~~

I don't care how many people I probably infected with COVID-19 while refusing to wear a mask, my comfort is far more important than the health and safety of everyone around me!

LethalGeek posted:

"It was working before" has got to be the dumbest and most spoiled thing someone can say about things breaking. I really want to know what reality these people are in where things don't just break out of the blue and I really have to wonder how poorly they deal with anything.

How about when they don't know how long it stopped working....but its sooo important that it works right now.

This morning I wasn't at the office but my boss fat-fingered something and Symantec blocked all the computers on the network from talking to each other. Everything broke. He had just undid whatever he did when I got there.

"Hey what do you think about ditching Symantec for something else?" :haw:

# ? Apr 29, 2020 01:54

klosterdev: Oct 10, 2006; Na na na na na na na na Batman!

Honestly, "it's working right now" is arguably much, much worse

# ? Apr 29, 2020 15:44

GreenBuckanneer: Sep 15, 2007

klosterdev posted:

Honestly, "it's working right now" is arguably much, much worse

We don't do a root cause analysis unless it's a major outage.

# ? Apr 29, 2020 17:10

AlternateAccount: Apr 25, 2005; FYGM

Internet Explorer posted:

I swear to gently caress I need to get the hell away from any role that involves dealing with Microsoft support or end-users in any capacity. I just loving can't anymore.

Is it fair to say that these sentiment is generated at least as much by company culture and userbase as it is by MS?

# ? Apr 29, 2020 20:15

Internet Explorer: Jun 1, 2005

Yes, definitely. But Microsoft support is absolute garbage and I am sick of dealing with them.

# ? Apr 30, 2020 04:55

Sickening: Jul 16, 2007; Black summer was the best summer.

Internet Explorer posted:

Yes, definitely. But Microsoft support is absolute garbage and I am sick of dealing with them.

Which is totally by design. They want your Reseller to give you support.

# ? Apr 30, 2020 06:05

Rudager: Apr 29, 2008

Sickening posted:

Which is totally by design. They want your Reseller to give you support.

Yeah, they make that sweet 50c markup to do that for you.

# ? Apr 30, 2020 06:23

Scaramouche: Mar 26, 2001; SPACE FACE! SPACE FACE!

People are getting wiggy. The guy who picks up the mail posted a picture of the completely empty office in slack and everyone started saying "omg I miss it so". Day 44 for us.

# ? Apr 30, 2020 20:12

taqueso: Mar 8, 2004

remember when joe would microwave popcorn and forget to check it? miss you guyz

# ? Apr 30, 2020 21:27

GnarlyCharlie4u: Sep 23, 2007; I have an unhealthy obsession with motorcycles.

Proof

taqueso posted:

remember when joe would microwave popcorn and forget to check it? miss you guyz

Don't worry, I left fish in the microwave when they kicked us all out.
I'm sure it'll still be there when we all come back.

# ? Apr 30, 2020 21:32

Rooted Vegetable: Jun 1, 2002

I've got a tea mug on my desk that has a habit of growing things if left untouched for a few days with anything in it.

It's been 7 weeks and I can't remember if it was bone dry...

# ? May 1, 2020 02:35

Phuzun: Jul 4, 2007

Heners_UK posted:

I've got a tea mug on my desk that has a habit of growing things if left untouched for a few days with anything in it.

It's been 7 weeks and I can't remember if it was bone dry...

Nature owns it now.

# ? May 1, 2020 03:27

HiroProtagonist: May 7, 2007

Heners_UK posted:

I've got a tea mug on my desk that has a habit of growing things if left untouched for a few days with anything in it.

It's been 7 weeks and I can't remember if it was bone dry...

Username checks out

# ? May 1, 2020 03:54

stevewm: May 10, 2005

Pissing me off today.. SEO companies.

We have been getting lots of them contacting us recently boasting all the normal SEO bullshit "be on the first page on Google!".

Our website is a brochure site. We don't do e-commerce at all. When using a search engine that localizes results, we are already the first result for nearly all of our industry keywords. And we have done nothing much really for that to happen. Just a basic website that describes our business, and well maintained business listings (Google Business, Apple Maps, etc..). No SEO fuckery required.

# ? May 4, 2020 18:39

Meydey: Dec 31, 2005

Heners_UK posted:

I've got a tea mug on my desk that has a habit of growing things if left untouched for a few days with anything in it.

It's been 7 weeks and I can't remember if it was bone dry...

Came back from a 2 week vacation one time to a fully grown mushroom in my partially full Bubba mug.

I'm pissed because they sprayed something to disenfect in our office and it essentially melted my cactus

# ? May 4, 2020 20:05

Super-NintendoUser: Jan 16, 2004; COWABUNGERDER COMPADRES; Soiled Meat

I left a full Contigo coffee mug on my desk back in February, and I haven't been back to the office yet. I asked someone to clean it up, let me ask the guy and see if he actually did.

# ? May 4, 2020 20:26

Thanks Ants: May 21, 2004; #essereFerrari

I want every service to become a commodity, because then at least I won't get account managers emailing me constantly asking for introduction meetings and an "overview of where the business is going".

# ? May 5, 2020 12:26

Bob Morales: Aug 18, 2006; ~~Just wear the fucking mask, Bob~~

I don't care how many people I probably infected with COVID-19 while refusing to wear a mask, my comfort is far more important than the health and safety of everyone around me!

When your boss is one of those guys that wears the exact same clothes every day, don't be surprised when he's resistant to change.

# ? May 5, 2020 13:00

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# ? May 25, 2024 14:15

Super-NintendoUser: Jan 16, 2004; COWABUNGERDER COMPADRES; Soiled Meat

Jerk McJerkface posted:

I left a full Contigo coffee mug on my desk back in February, and I haven't been back to the office yet. I asked someone to clean it up, let me ask the guy and see if he actually did.

Coffee cup update, he's confirmed via Teams that he did infact clean the cup. What a friend.

# ? May 5, 2020 14:40

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Serious Hardware/Software Crap > More shit that pisses you off: What does that say about the quality of your emails?

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