Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > The Goodmine > Coronavirus 2021: I Threw Up On My Sheep

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Big Beef City posted:

"Don't Sneeze on Me" reads the text on my bumper sticker as I pull into the store, ready to buy my manufactured virus, which is my right as a citizen to own.
A tear falls down my cheek. Not in pride, but for how bad that analogy is.

Yeah you�re right.

Armories are less secure than BSL‐4 laboratories and gun stores are more secure than meat markets.

# ? May 1, 2020 12:57

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# ? May 23, 2024 13:21

Impkins Patootie: Apr 20, 2017

my playlist of memorable experiences

# ? May 1, 2020 12:58

flubber nuts: Oct 5, 2005

im sick of waiting, let's get this mother fucker re-opened already.

can I get a hell yes????

# ? May 1, 2020 13:01

Plant MONSTER.: Mar 16, 2018; I was watching simpsons at 0.75 without knowing until a scene where homer and bart were getting back massages at a hotel and the noises they were making were super drawn out like a youtube poop

in the future you can walk into a bulk barn and purchase your choice of viruses. You can fill a bag with noro

# ? May 1, 2020 13:01

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Platystemon posted:

gun stores are more secure than meat markets.

I can't tell if this is a joke or not

# ? May 1, 2020 13:14

John_A_Tallon: Nov 22, 2000; Oh my! Check out that mitre!

Mnoba posted:

i didn't vote for him, but since you like otherizing people allow me to retort. you're an online bully, and whatever satifaction you derive from playing online trump bad must really be filling a very large void because your posting is really bad.

In large part the only thing bigots respond to is being shamed and held in contempt. Treating them with contempt is the only tool most people have which they will react to.

# ? May 1, 2020 13:50

Lord Decimus Barnacle: Jun 25, 2005; Hell Gem

bird with big dick posted:

I can't tell if this is a joke or not

I think they meant financially secure

# ? May 1, 2020 14:08

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

John_A_Tallon posted:

In large part the only thing bigots respond to is being shamed and held in contempt. Treating them with contempt is the only tool most people have which they will react to.

I wish bigots felt shame.

# ? May 1, 2020 14:09

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Mnoba posted:

i didn't vote for him, but since you like otherizing people allow me to retort. you're an online bully, and whatever satifaction you derive from playing online trump bad must really be filling a very large void because your posting is really bad.

Only a disgustingly racist bigoted rear end in a top hat who voted for Trump and bizarrely feels compelled to play team sports and defend their lord and savior forever would react to "Trump is a moron who eviscerated the bad health care law that kind of helped poor people" with sad defensive insults.

# ? May 1, 2020 14:27

i got owned: Apr 10, 2020; by LITERALLY AN ADMIN

Mnoba posted:

i didn't vote for him, but since you like otherizing people allow me to retort. you're an online bully, and whatever satifaction you derive from playing online trump bad must really be filling a very large void because your posting is really bad.

Can I get a source on this quote please

# ? May 1, 2020 14:37

Sandwich Anarchist: Sep 12, 2008

Plant MONSTER. posted:

in the future you can walk into a bulk barn and purchase your choice of viruses. You can fill a bag with noro

you can already do this at Chipotle

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

Only a disgustingly racist bigoted rear end in a top hat who voted for Trump and bizarrely feels compelled to play team sports and defend their lord and savior forever would react to "Trump is a moron who eviscerated the bad health care law that kind of helped poor people" with sad defensive insults.

but they said they didn't vote for him??? they couldn't be lying could they???

# ? May 1, 2020 14:48

Vashro: May 12, 2004; Proud owner of Lazy Lion #46

monkeytennis posted:

Your president reckons he’s seen the smoking gun:

https://www.bbc.co.uk/news/world-us...newsus_spies%5D

*Smocking gun

# ? May 1, 2020 14:49

I Was The Fury: Oct 19, 2012; Always stop to smell the flowers, just in case they're weeds

Sandwich Anarchist posted:

but they said they didn't vote for him??? they couldn't be lying could they???

Not all trump supporters are eligible to vote in US elections. If I remember right he had a sizable group of cultists in Australia

# ? May 1, 2020 14:50

ruddiger: Jun 3, 2004

Mnoba posted:

may 1st back to work thank god, need to reopen business before we find out what 50% unemployment does to a first world country

�We�

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/target-walmart-workers-others-plan-sickout-protests-over-coronavirus-safety-n1195126

quote:

Target, Walmart workers and others plan 'sickout' protests over coronavirus safety

The grassroots effort spreading through social media is coinciding with International Workers' Day, which is typically marked by labor rights demonstrations.

A Target worker in Virginia wearing his own mask, gloves and safety glasses said he felt helpless recently when customers swarmed him as he organized a clearance area. Another Target worker, a cashier in North Carolina, said he welcomed the installation of plexiglass partitions at the registers over a week ago, but said they should have come sooner. A Whole Foods worker in Portland said she and some of her colleagues are feeling "scared, angry and devastated" after a fellow employee died from the coronavirus last week.

To convey their concerns, they plan to call out of work Friday as part of a nationwide employee "sickout" involving Target and Whole Foods, as well as Amazon, Instacart, FedEx and Walmart.

The grassroots effort � the latest example of a wave of worker activism during the coronavirus crisis � is asking customers to boycott those companies' local stores and services Friday to coincide with International Workers' Day, also known as May Day, which in a normal year is marked by massive labor rights demonstrations in major cities.

"As workers, we have agency, we have the ability to change things, and we don't have to be passive spectators in our political and social lives," said Adam Ryan, a Target employee in Christiansburg, Virginia, and a liaison with Target Workers Unite, a rank-and-file initiative supporting the sickout.

While it's unclear how many Target employees, along with those working for other companies, will stay home, Ryan said there are at least 100 Target stores and distribution centers where at least one worker has agreed to a sickout pledge.

The company said in a statement that concerns are being raised by a "very small minority" of its 340,000-member front-line workforce.

This latest incarnation of worker solidarity comes at a precarious moment for the broader labor movement, labor studies experts say, as the pandemic has led to tens of millions of Americans filing for unemployment and could gut or radically alter countless industries for years to come.

While these workers, lauded for being essential and risking their own health during the global crisis, may win protections and benefits, the changes are not guaranteed or permanent, according to Janice Fine, the director of research and strategy at the Center for Innovation in Worker Organization at Rutgers University.

Recessions, like the one many economists believe the U.S. is already in, puts workers, especially lower-wage ones, at a disadvantage, she added.

"Given how bad it's going to be, we can expect more worker exploitation, a greater degree of wage theft and a lower level of power on the part of workers," Fine said. "In a situation like that, where you have a lot of workers looking for employment, it makes the ability of collective action so much harder. On the other hand, because we don't know yet to what depths the recession will reach, COVID-19 means all bets are off."

Worker concessions

These "sickout" protests follow earlier efforts, including some Instacart shoppers and Whole Foods workers staying home in late March and hundreds of Amazon tech and fulfillment center employees calling out last week to protest what they say are unsafe and unethical working conditions.

To acknowledge and compensate workers for the risks involved at jobs that require public interaction, several large retailers and supermarkets have offered bonuses and wage hikes.

At Target, workers in April were given masks and gloves to wear, signs were hung and floor decals placed to encourage customers and workers to stay 6 feet apart, and contactless order pickup has been made available. The big-box retailer has also extended its temporary $2 an hour wage increase to May 30, and will continue to provide other benefits, including free back-up care for employees who need help with children or elderly family members and 30-day paid leave for employees who are elderly, pregnant or have certain underlying health conditions.

The investment is worth at least $300 million, and while Target CEO Brian Cornell said last week that online sales have surged, he warned the company will see lower profits because of coronavirus-related costs.

# ? May 1, 2020 14:51

FlamingLiberal: Jan 18, 2009; Would you like to play a game?

I Was The Fury posted:

Not all trump supporters are eligible to vote in US elections. If I remember right he had a sizable group of cultists in Australia

Also Brazil

Bolsonaro is basically Trump but in Portuguese with a colostomy bag

# ? May 1, 2020 14:52

Schadenboner: Aug 15, 2011; by Shine

Plant MONSTER. posted:

You can fill a bag with noro

Don't talk about your mother that way.

# ? May 1, 2020 15:01

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Sandwich Anarchist posted:

you can already do this at Chipotle

but they said they didn't vote for him??? they couldn't be lying could they???

I'm not even sure what started the "I never voted for Trump" defense, since it pops up everywhere among alt-right morons when they're spouting the most trite conservative talking points. Just be honest about how you're a proud racist rear end in a top hat who loves our ignorant racist president and you come off as less inverted into your own butt.

# ? May 1, 2020 15:03

Dr.Caligari: May 5, 2005; "Here's a big, beautiful avatar for someone"

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I live in Franklin County here in Ohio and my county has now surpassed the rest of the state with the most Coronavirus cases and deaths. Looks like the statewide and county level numbers haven't "flattened" like health experts assumed it would last month either. So excited for the gradual opening date of May 1st. Can't wait.

I think , if you didn�t include prison population numbers , you were always #1. drat glad Dewine cancelled The Arnold, though.

Play posted:

ftfy

So wait, they're saying they're actually getting the virus from reused test swabs or something? What a way to go out

https://twitter.com/arstechnica/status/1252257476101226504?s=20

It is a horrible way to go. Word from inside neighboring prison was that they (DRC/natl guard) did not plan to send anyone to the hospital, just setup everything on sight . So many inmates died in part because they did end up calling ambulances, but too late.

# ? May 1, 2020 15:04

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

FlamingLiberal posted:

Also Brazil

Bolsonaro is basically Trump but in Portuguese with a colostomy bag

Tropical Trump

# ? May 1, 2020 15:07

Cough Drop The Beat: Jan 22, 2012; by Lowtax

Dr.Caligari posted:

I think , if you didn�t include prison population numbers , you were always #1. drat glad Dewine cancelled The Arnold, though.

Of course, but I think it's telling that Franklin County doesn't have a particularly large prison population like Marion, Delaware, Richland, etc County and we're still #1 in cases. Maybe that says we shouldn't be opening up when Coronavirus isn't particularly declining in spread of the disease either.

Cough Drop The Beat fucked around with this message at 15:14 on May 1, 2020

# ? May 1, 2020 15:08

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I'm not even sure what started the "I never voted for Trump" defense, since it pops up everywhere among alt-right morons when they're spouting the most trite conservative talking points. Just be honest about how you're a proud racist rear end in a top hat who loves our ignorant racist president and you come off as less inverted into your own butt.

Some honesty from the chuds would be depressing, like if they could just admit they want the Poor's to go back to serving them because they assume they're immune to this disease or whatever.

# ? May 1, 2020 15:57

ruddiger: Jun 3, 2004

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I'm not even sure what started the "I never voted for Trump" defense, since it pops up everywhere among alt-right morons when they're spouting the most trite conservative talking points. Just be honest about how you're a proud racist rear end in a top hat who loves our ignorant racist president and you come off as less inverted into your own butt.

It�s the defense of cowardly libertarians.

# ? May 1, 2020 16:05

20 Blunts: Jan 21, 2017

nobody is wearing masks, lol.

at the store, there was this boomer lady on one side of a wide aisle, no mask, just having a loud conversation with an employee stacking boxes, also no mask

was great walking under their arching spittle cloud

# ? May 1, 2020 16:10

Time_pants: Jun 25, 2012; Now sauntering to the ring, please welcome the lackadaisical style of the man who is always doing something...

ruddiger posted:

�We�

https://www.nbcnews.com/news/us-news/target-walmart-workers-others-plan-sickout-protests-over-coronavirus-safety-n1195126

None of this is going to happen to any significant degree. The American workforce is comprised of some of the most cowed, unprincipled, chronically terrified (rightly) employees on the planet.

# ? May 1, 2020 16:11

Romes128: Dec 28, 2008; Fun Shoe

20 Blunts posted:

nobody is wearing masks, lol.

at the store, there was this boomer lady on one side of a wide aisle, no mask, just having a loud conversation with an employee stacking boxes, also no mask

was great walking under their arching spittle cloud

Even the corner delis in Brooklyn where I live have signs that say you can�t come in if you don�t have a mask on.

# ? May 1, 2020 16:12

Schadenboner: Aug 15, 2011; by Shine

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I'm not even sure what started the "I never voted for Trump" defense, since it pops up everywhere among alt-right morons when they're spouting the most trite conservative talking points. Just be honest about how you're a proud racist rear end in a top hat who loves our ignorant racist president and you come off as less inverted into your own butt.

*Extremely Ben Stein voice
:actually:

No one voted for Trump, they only voted for electors. So you see...

# ? May 1, 2020 16:12

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

20 Blunts posted:

nobody is wearing masks, lol.

at the store, there was this boomer lady on one side of a wide aisle, no mask, just having a loud conversation with an employee stacking boxes, also no mask

was great walking under their arching spittle cloud

Where you at the same grocery store I was at yesterday? Saw a crazy Karen trying to hit on some poor kid just trying to restock the blueberries.

# ? May 1, 2020 16:12

Earwicker: Jan 6, 2003

in LA you are not allowed to enter any store without a mask on and it seems most people are taking it pretty seriously just walking around on the street as well

# ? May 1, 2020 16:15

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Earwicker posted:

in LA you are not allowed to enter any store without a mask on and it seems most people are taking it pretty seriously just walking around on the street as well

Look at this guy living in a blue state !!

# ? May 1, 2020 16:17

20 Blunts: Jan 21, 2017

Derpies posted:

Where you at the same grocery store I was at yesterday? Saw a crazy Karen trying to hit on some poor kid just trying to restock the blueberries.

I work a very essential service and communicate with many people on the phone every day. lately I have noticed clients of all ages are hanging on the line forevvverrrr borderline trying to shoot the poo poo with me while I have dozens of calls to make. loneliness is hard

# ? May 1, 2020 16:18

Gone Fashing: Aug 4, 2004; KEEP POSTIN
I'M STILL LAFFIN

seems like affluence in the area makes a difference, I went to a grocery store in one of the richest areas in town yesterday and almost every customer, and every employee, was wearing a mask. at the store 10 minutes down the road almost no one wears one, and zero of the employees do

# ? May 1, 2020 16:19

mrfart: May 26, 2004; Dear diary, today I
became a captain.

Being a governor in the US must be a lot of fun right now.

# ? May 1, 2020 16:19

suuma: Apr 2, 2009

e: gently caress wrong thread

# ? May 1, 2020 16:19

HugeGrossBurrito: Mar 20, 2018

Earwicker posted:

in LA you are not allowed to enter any store without a mask on and it seems most people are taking it pretty seriously just walking around on the street as well

You have to wear a mask in Maryland but no one is wearing them so the health department has been just waiting at walmart and poo poo handing out citations to everyone lol

# ? May 1, 2020 16:19

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

20 Blunts posted:

I work a very essential service and communicate with many people on the phone every day. lately I have noticed clients of all ages are hanging on the line forevvverrrr borderline trying to shoot the poo poo with me while I have dozens of calls to make. loneliness is hard

I feel for you, that's gotta suck. I get the same thing sometimes when people call in to complain about Code Enforcement citations against them (which I can do nothing about) and have to hear there well rehearsed sob story of why they just can't park there RV in their driveway. The best ones are when they give me their address and I can see the blight of their property from 2 miles up on Google Earth. Those conversations never ever end up taking two hours out of my day.

# ? May 1, 2020 16:22

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Schadenboner posted:

Don't talk about your mother that way.

# ? May 1, 2020 16:26

Splicer: Oct 16, 2006; from hell's heart I cast at thee
🧙🐀🧹🌙🪄🐸

ruddiger posted:

Another Target worker, a cashier in North Carolina, said he welcomed the installation of plexiglass partitions at the registers over a week ago, but said they should have come sooner.

These showed up in some shops here in Ireland even before St Patrick's day. I had to pick up a prescrption a few weeks ago and our local pharmacy had this whole elaborate airlock dealy attached to the front door. I have no idea where any of these came from but it was hugely impressive how my country* went from "Hmm, viruses you say" to "Establishing shot of a low budget but well researched near future sci fi series" within 48 hours.

*except my local lidl, which still doesn't seem to have gotten the message in the slightest

# ? May 1, 2020 16:26

Inept: Jul 8, 2003

mrfart posted:

Being a governor in the US must be a lot of fun right now.

letting people with guns into your capitol building, cuz they're white

# ? May 1, 2020 16:26

bird with big dick: Oct 21, 2015

Cough Drop The Beat posted:

I'm not even sure what started the "I never voted for Trump" defense, since it pops up everywhere among alt-right morons when they're spouting the most trite conservative talking points. Just be honest about how you're a proud racist rear end in a top hat who loves our ignorant racist president and you come off as less inverted into your own butt.

I got a friend from HS that loves to scream "I'm an independent" at people while repeating the loving dumbest OAN and godlikeproductions.com talking points poo poo you've ever heard.

# ? May 1, 2020 16:27

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# ? May 23, 2024 13:21

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

mrfart posted:

Being a governor in the US must be a lot of fun right now.

Look at these sheeple. All wearing masks just like Big Lib wants!!!

# ? May 1, 2020 16:28

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