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Philthy
Jan 28, 2003

Pillbug

Trumps Baby Hands posted:

I just saw a YouTube ad for a Falun Gong newspaper (Epoch times) that claimed that China has “20 million less cell phone users,” implying that they’ve covered up the deaths of that many people

That many dead people are too hard to hide from satellites. We'd immediately see the line of trucks and burial grounds, or the amount of smoke from crematoriums for that many people.

Hell, all the American reporters that are over there covering their "reopening" would be seeing chaos. They're not.

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Paramemetic
Sep 29, 2003

Area 51. You heard of it, right?





Fallen Rib

very excited about all the good people in prisons who are gonna volunteer for this

But Rocks Hurt Head
Jun 30, 2003

by Hand Knit
Pillbug

spaceblancmange posted:

13,000 tests were conducted to find those 22 cases in Victoria. 19 were linked to the meat works, 2 from returned travellers, 1 is still under investigation.

hahahaha my state rarely breaks 13,000 tests in a day and our positive rate is still ~20%

smarxist
Jul 26, 2018

by Fluffdaddy

:yooge: ALTHOUGH I CANNOT GUARANTEE THAT IT WILL HAPPEN IF I'M NOT RE-ELECTED, Y'SEE

Steve Yun
Aug 7, 2003
I'm a parasitic landlord that needs to get a job instead of stealing worker's money. Make sure to remind me when I post.
Soiled Meat
https://www.politicususa.com/2020/05/03/fox-news-town-hall-completely-backfires-on-trump.html

Sounds like the town hall was a failure. Did anyone watch it?

https://twitter.com/acyn/status/1257089173179097088?s=21

“Remember that it’s not your fault” I says to the woman who never thought any of this was her fault

Steve Yun has issued a correction as of 01:21 on May 4, 2020

Homeless Friend
Jul 16, 2007

spaceblancmange posted:

Everyone who says open up and quarantine the elderly and vulnerable has no idea how anything works.

a grave is a type of quarantine

GATES FOUNDATION
Apr 28, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 7 years!
Just thought of a hilarious second order effect: If the US becomes a corona-plagued shithole and the rest of the world is able to get a grasp on its spread and contain it then expect at least 1-2 years of travel bans on US citizens to previously friendly territories. The US passport will go from one of the most powerful to being South Sudan tier in no time.

Rah!
Feb 21, 2006


Homeless Friend posted:

a grave is a type of quarantine

america #1 at quarantine very good working hard :smugdon:

GATES FOUNDATION
Apr 28, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 7 years!
This would directly impact my job since I was scheduled to fly to the netherlands last month to finish wrapping up an implementation that got canned due to the pandemic. If we are banned from the EU because of drampf loving the chicken the client might go with another vendor lmao

facetoucher cat
Dec 20, 2013

by sebmojo

Paramemetic posted:

very excited about all the good people in prisons who are gonna volunteer for this

Kinda what I was thinking

ChristsDickWorship
Dec 7, 2004

Annihilate your demons



GATES FOUNDATION posted:

Just thought of a hilarious second order effect: If the US becomes a corona-plagued shithole and the rest of the world is able to get a grasp on its spread and contain it then expect at least 1-2 years of travel bans on US citizens to previously friendly territories. The US passport will go from one of the most powerful to being South Sudan tier in no time.

depending how testing and immunity works a year from now, no one's coming here for a short business or pleasure trip either if it means a quarantine on the way home

Horseshoe theory
Mar 7, 2005

So, my dad is in Florida (I'm up in NJ right now, moving out of NYC a few weeks ago) and he decided to go "Welp, they're re-opening the Tennis courts in a few days and I'm gonna play!" He was the guy that told my brother, sister-in-law and I to move out of NYC before the lockdown really hit and now he's adamant about playing Tennis because "Walking around the roof is not enough"... :yikes:

Inceltown
Aug 6, 2019

ChristsDickWorship posted:

depending how testing and immunity works a year from now, no one's coming here for a short business or pleasure trip either if it means a quarantine on the way home

Given how messed up the whole country is I'm surprised people wanted to visit the USA before roni. Seeing how people are treating it here though shows that there are no end of stupid people out there.

Flesh Forge
Jan 31, 2011

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

there's been 2 deaths for roughly 1 million people in that 20-29 group, so it's actually 0.2 per 100000

where did you get this number?

Mistle
Oct 11, 2005

Eckot's comic relief cousin from out of town
Grimey Drawer

Scarodactyl posted:

Outdoors is where ticks are.
Don't make my mistake.

BRB breeding human-familiar possums to operate like barn cats, except for ticks and junk, gonna make a figurative killing, as long as all the government pandemic literal killing doesn't stack my potential clients like cordwood in a freezer trailer.


:holymoley: the picture of the Harlem park was flagged with a content warning

Some people are taking internet journos too seriously

Homeless Friend posted:

a grave is a type of quarantine

Can't social distance if you're dead and in a mass grave

Breaking quarantine as a corpse! gently caress yeah, America! :patriot:

Philthy
Jan 28, 2003

Pillbug
Wisconsin has had two days of increased cases. It's basically about to push our "reopening" of end of May till June or July now.

In other bad news the State Supreme Court that is loaded with Scott Walker chuds is going to take up the lawsuit against Governor Ever's closing down the state shortly hoping to "open 'er all back up!! yahoo!! trmpu!".

hallebarrysoetoro
Jun 14, 2003

as an anecdote i'm impressed they used the person who was wholly immune to strokes and kidney failure as the example of why roni is bad

Solarin
Nov 15, 2007

2DCAT posted:

I'm literally teabagging the temporarily stunned COVID-19 right now, atm

I put my cowboy bebops anime spray on the floor next to the corpse

Inceltown
Aug 6, 2019

During the intermission management would like to offer you this r/r post for your enjoyment, free of charge.

chemtrail huffer posted:

My (32 M) girlfriend (31 F) of two years thinks I am gay because she discovered my erotic fan fiction about former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie

quote:

I have always considered myself straight, but there is one male in my entire life I have found to be sexually appealing. It is former New Jersey Governor Chris Christie. I do not like his politics, but his physical traits are sensuous and awe-inspiring.

To explore these feelings, I took to writing a series of erotic fan fiction stories depicting me and the former Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie. Throughout the series, I write very detailed erotic encounters. Interestingly, many depictions also have a theme of food, such as the story where I slather the former Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie, with barbecue sauce, or the story depicting the delightful but searing pains of hot sauce, or the messy incident with the watermelon. Throughout the series, I even manage to convince him to switch sides and become a Democrat, and he runs for the Presidency in 2024 and we are married on the White House Lawn.

These erotic depictions were meant only for my private use, I did not publish them on the internet. My girlfriend however found the series on my laptop, and it has caused a huge conflict. She now believes I am gay, even though I explained to her I have never been attracted to any other male in my life. She asked me if given the opportunity, would I have sex with the former Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie? I said I would not do it if we were in a relationship as I do not believe in cheating, but I would do it only if we established a situation like where we each get one pass to sleep with one celebrity crush one time. Like if she banged Sawyer from Lost, that is okay with me, if I got to bang the former Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie. That went over poorly.

To my great annoyance, my girlfriend shared my series on Facebook, and now my friends and family all believe I am gay. Now look, I have zero problems with gay folk at all, it's 2020 for crying out loud, but I am NOT gay. At least, if I am only attracted to one single male ever, I must be at least 99% straight. Even 99.5. It's just that damned former Governor of New Jersey, Chris Christie. That sensual jiggly son of a bitch.

Now all of my friends are telling me to "come out" and "be myself" and I am like, "I am NOT GAY", and get this some of them are even calling me homophobic!?!?!? WHAT? Yeah I'm so homophobic I wrote a 23 part series about be banging a guy, gently caress off. So I got pretty angry after like the 10th insistence to my friends and family that I'm not gay, and I may have used some profanity.

A lot of people are mad at me and basically everyone thinks I am gay even though I am 99.5% straight. Should I have never written these stories? I needed to express myself and explore my feelings. But it has clearly backfired. Oh my god. What can I do to repair my relationship with girlfriend, not to mention friends/family?

FizFashizzle
Mar 30, 2005







hallebarrysoetoro posted:

as an anecdote i'm impressed they used the person who was wholly immune to strokes and kidney failure as the example of why roni is bad

if his kidneys weren't failing before they will be now

woo lad

But Rocks Hurt Head
Jun 30, 2003

by Hand Knit
Pillbug

Flesh Forge posted:

where did you get this number?

each day a full report is posted on the MA state website here

A direct link to today's pdf report can be found here

i got the demographic number by looking at the overall CV cases by age group vs. the per 100k

GATES FOUNDATION
Apr 28, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 7 years!

Philthy posted:

In other bad news the State Supreme Court that is loaded with Scott Walker chuds is going to take up the lawsuit against Governor Ever's closing down the state shortly hoping to "open 'er all back up!! yahoo!! trmpu!".

I thought the GOP lost their majority on the court in that election they tried to rig last month

Steve Yun
Aug 7, 2003
I'm a parasitic landlord that needs to get a job instead of stealing worker's money. Make sure to remind me when I post.
Soiled Meat

Inceltown posted:

During the intermission management would like to offer you this r/r post for your enjoyment, free of charge.
[/quote]

Reminds me of an oldie:

https://www.theonion.com/why-do-all-these-homosexuals-keep-sucking-my-cock-1819583529

GATES FOUNDATION
Apr 28, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 7 years!

ChristsDickWorship posted:

depending how testing and immunity works a year from now, no one's coming here for a short business or pleasure trip either if it means a quarantine on the way home

Watch pissbaby trump threaten the EU for not allowing its people to visit disney world

Lucky Greedo
Feb 14, 2012

At last, he held the throat of his beater.
work in retail in fl and lust for the death of this cursed civilization

the level of hostility directed at even our extremely basic safety measures is shocking. i'm used to being abused on the regular, but not like this. everyone has lost their drat minds. got physically rammed with shopping carts by two different karens in the swimsuit section. college lads tried to run me over with their car in the parking lot bc i was still wearing a mask; they made a bunch of fake coughing and retching noises at me when i ducked out of the way. our fitting rooms are closed and middle aged women are stripping to their underwear in the middle of the store to try on our lovely clothes, then screaming at us when we tell them to stop. it's like watching a hive of insects trying to gently caress, eat and kill each other all at once in a massive suicidal frenzy.

SKULL.GIF
Jan 20, 2017



I immediately thought of this post from the previous thread

Hadlock posted:

https://www.seattletimes.com/nation-world/coronavirus-destroys-lungs-but-doctors-are-finding-its-damage-in-kidneys-hearts-and-elsewhere/

Basically,

Covid19 is sugar ants

Your lungs are like day old stale bread. They will swarm initially. You can get rid of the ants eventually

Your kidneys however, are like a glazed jelly donut that got stepped on and is oozing jam. You're gonna have ants until you die

The raspberry jam filling is ANT2 protein, which is like covid19 crack, it's critical for reproduction of the virus

There's also a poo poo ton of ANT2 in your testicles, but your blood doesn't get filtered by your testicles, so we're ignoring that part for now

Inceltown
Aug 6, 2019

hallebarrysoetoro
Jun 14, 2003
so 243 days until 2021

it will take 4k deaths per day, on average, for the remainder of the year to hit 1mm

given the lust for applebee's chicken tenders platter this is remarkably possible given chuds wantonly flouting best practices and liberal's effete reaction towards best practices

Solarin
Nov 15, 2007

Lucky Greedo posted:

work in retail in fl and lust for the death of this cursed civilization

the level of hostility directed at even our extremely basic safety measures is shocking. i'm used to being abused on the regular, but not like this. everyone has lost their drat minds. got physically rammed with shopping carts by two different karens in the swimsuit section. college lads tried to run me over with their car in the parking lot bc i was still wearing a mask; they made a bunch of fake coughing and retching noises at me when i ducked out of the way. our fitting rooms are closed and middle aged women are stripping to their underwear in the middle of the store to try on our lovely clothes, then screaming at us when we tell them to stop. it's like watching a hive of insects trying to gently caress, eat and kill each other all at once in a massive suicidal frenzy.

jesus christ I'm sorry you gotta put up with these fuckin spectacles of humanity

Ursine Catastrophe
Nov 9, 2009

It's a lovely morning in the void and you are a horrible lady-in-waiting.



don't ask how i know

Dinosaur Gum

Philthy posted:

That many dead people are too hard to hide from satellites. We'd immediately see the line of trucks and burial grounds, or the amount of smoke from crematoriums for that many people.

Hell, all the American reporters that are over there covering their "reopening" would be seeing chaos. They're not.

This was a talking point months ago based on mobile phone subscriptions and easily tied to the concept of “click farms were shut down”


i’m sure the 20 million accounts reappearing won’t be commented on

fosborb
Dec 15, 2006



Chronic Good Poster

except the movie is genre aware and we're only in the first 5 minutes

Flesh Forge
Jan 31, 2011

LET ME TELL YOU ABOUT MY DOG

But Rocks Hurt Head posted:

each day a full report is posted on the MA state website here

A direct link to today's pdf report can be found here

i got the demographic number by looking at the overall CV cases by age group vs. the per 100k

I get it, what threw me was you said 2 deaths aged 20-29 out of a million, in that dataset (MA only) it's out of 100k. That seems pretty off compared to NYC and Italy

https://www.statista.com/statistics/1109867/coronavirus-death-rates-by-age-new-york-city/
14.75:100k
wrong age group, oops

https://www.statista.com/statistics/1105061/coronavirus-deaths-by-region-in-italy/
9 out of 26,049 actual or 34.55:100k

Inceltown
Aug 6, 2019

https://twitter.com/atrupar/status/1257041977834643456

Ages
Feb 20, 2005

Its just half the puffin juice and the puffin lives and doesnt mind. I promise!
Fun Shoe
this bodes ill

https://twitter.com/coopnytimes/status/1257075693927763968?s=20

fosborb
Dec 15, 2006



Chronic Good Poster

hallebarrysoetoro posted:

so 243 days until 2021

it will take 4k deaths per day, on average, for the remainder of the year to hit 1mm

given the lust for applebee's chicken tenders platter this is remarkably possible given chuds wantonly flouting best practices and liberal's effete reaction towards best practices

lol we are not staying at r0=1 until 2021. May's reopening is going to crank that fucker right back up

Wrex Ruckus
Aug 24, 2015

Lucky Greedo posted:

work in retail in fl and lust for the death of this cursed civilization

the level of hostility directed at even our extremely basic safety measures is shocking. i'm used to being abused on the regular, but not like this. everyone has lost their drat minds. got physically rammed with shopping carts by two different karens in the swimsuit section. college lads tried to run me over with their car in the parking lot bc i was still wearing a mask; they made a bunch of fake coughing and retching noises at me when i ducked out of the way. our fitting rooms are closed and middle aged women are stripping to their underwear in the middle of the store to try on our lovely clothes, then screaming at us when we tell them to stop. it's like watching a hive of insects trying to gently caress, eat and kill each other all at once in a massive suicidal frenzy.

:d2a: sorry, that really loving sucks

Dr_0ctag0n
Apr 25, 2015
Probation
Can't post for 11 days!

Plumpeo is by far the most dangerous and destructive idiot in the entire Trump administration and I hope Iran figures out a way to get him infected with covid

GATES FOUNDATION
Apr 28, 2020
Probation
Can't post for 7 years!

hallebarrysoetoro posted:

so 243 days until 2021

it will take 4k deaths per day, on average, for the remainder of the year to hit 1mm

given the lust for applebee's chicken tenders platter this is remarkably possible given chuds wantonly flouting best practices and liberal's effete reaction towards best practices

We have 850k known active infections right now, 4k deaths a day in chud america will look tame by the time june rolls around

fosborb
Dec 15, 2006



Chronic Good Poster
I have a theory that March felt like forever and April just disappeared because we were exponentially growing in March but just stuck on the plateau in April.

if that's true, I'm mentally preparing for the second half of May to feel like an entire year

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Mr Ice Cream Glove
Apr 22, 2007

https://mobile.twitter.com/AndrewCMcCarthy/status/1257092639247290368

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