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Josherino)
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today was a hosed up day for a dozen minor reasons all adding up, then i gave someone a smidge of advice and they said they didnt want advice so i said sorry, hung up, and punched myself a few times, and immediately got a big bruise on my forehead https://youtu.be/vF5YniCAL_Y
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May 7, 2020 04:47
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got any sevens posted:today was a hosed up day for a dozen minor reasons all adding up, then i gave someone a smidge of advice and they said they didnt want advice so i said sorry, hung up, and punched myself a few times, and immediately got a big bruise on my forehead Hi self harm buddy With me it ended up being a bad reaction to the busbar but it's something I did a lot as a teen as well. I understand the urge to punish yourself for a perceived unforgivable.flaw but TBH the flaw probably doesn't even exist and even if it did punishment is a pretty lousy way to teach a lesson I know that doesn't magically make it any better but maybe some perspective will help, idk
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May 7, 2020 06:43
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Finished my second to last final at 2am three beers in and listening to Springsteen. Now I'm gonna have to figure out what the gently caress I'm doing this summer
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May 7, 2020 07:02
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StashAugustine posted:Finished my second to last final at 2am three beers in and listening to Springsteen. Now I'm gonna have to figure out what the gently caress I'm doing this summer  I lied to myself saying I'd have applied for summer work by now if it weren't for covid, but I know that's not true. Thank goodness the quarantine at least gave me some time to work on my hobbies. I may yet get a writing career off the ground. A paycheck's a paycheck.
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May 7, 2020 14:37
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fosborb posted:this is exactly where my family has been this past week I went through my mental breakdown during college when I dropped out. I think I just spent too much time early in the semester doing crap that didn't matter like hoarding from :files: places. Aside from that, based on later life experience, if I wanted to be able to turn everything in on time, all I needed to do was drop a course since I was above the minimum amount of credit hours. Anyway, all my self-worth at the time came from my perceived utility to society, and I didn't think I could do anything right. That changed when it stopped mattering whether I can do anything right -- if it matters to anybody, gently caress 'em -- and then I went back, I kept on trying, and I did a lot of things I wanted to do a lot better than I did before. There was also the expectation that I was going to be homeless even at the end of college, because my Pell grant and loans barely covered my living expenses and I only got a job during my last semester, but my parents smuggled me into their retirement home so that didn't happen. We did this routine where we took the elevator to avoid people and hid in stairwells when people were coming, and I couldn't go outside for that year. The manager discovered me and made me homeless for a few days, but a laundromat owner let me sleep in the back-room for that time. Now I've got goals instead of aimlessness, and I'm reading through some books on database design and C++. I don't think anything can phase me now except for actual homelessness, and I feel all right today
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May 7, 2020 15:47
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galenanorth posted:...and I feel all right today 
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May 7, 2020 15:55
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galenanorth posted:I went through my mental breakdown during college when I dropped out. I think I just spent too much time early in the semester doing crap that didn't matter like hoarding from :files: places. Aside from that, based on later life experience, if I wanted to be able to turn everything in on time, all I needed to do was drop a course since I was above the minimum amount of credit hours. Anyway, all my self-worth at the time came from my perceived utility to society, and I didn't think I could do anything right. That changed when it stopped mattering whether I can do anything right -- if it matters to anybody, gently caress 'em -- and then I went back, I kept on trying, and I did a lot of things I wanted to do a lot better than I did before. lastgirl was fond of saying "meritocracy is a mental illness" and I've taken it to heart. Way, way too many of my problems have been related to "strive harder, push farther, aim for the stars" causing myself way more grief and anxiety for only a tiny bit of gain (if that). quote:Now I've got goals instead of aimlessness, and I'm reading through some books on database design and C++. C++ can be rough if you're coming into OOP cold, but if you get a handle on it, you'll have a really good idea how most other languages work. Give me a shout if you have any questions programming or programming career related. I've been doing this for way way too long and may be able to help.
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May 7, 2020 16:45
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is it normal to feel like poo poo all the time and constantly be on the verge of tears
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May 7, 2020 22:19
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Stairmaster posted:is it normal to feel like poo poo all the time and constantly be on the verge of tears It is not but also not unheard of Do you have someone you can talk to about it? Therapist is best but in a pinch a friend will do E: or vent into the thread that's what we're here for
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May 7, 2020 22:48
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Yeah it’s a normal human thing in small batches and something you can work on if it’s a constant thing. It’s not the sort of thing you always have to feel but it’s not weird if it feels like always for you right now.
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May 7, 2020 22:54
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I just got off the Zoom with my therapist and I didn’t think I would get the hang of the telehealth stuff but personally I’m liking not having the ritual of going into an office. I think it’s always been worth going in but it’s nice having a break from that additional stress. Also, in the waiting room clients would often put Law & Order SVU on the tv and loving yikes forever. e: plus it feels kinda cool and subversive to see the inside of my therapist’s house Trixie Hardcore has issued a correction as of 23:09 on May 7, 2020 |
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May 7, 2020 23:07
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Did you have a session between 5:54 and 6:07 or are you posting while simultaneously speaking with your therapist I have to know
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May 8, 2020 00:23
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I really don't know what to do with these feelings that I'm living in a failing democracy and a declining empire. It's this sort of... intellectual discomfort and implacable anxiety about things so much bigger than me or my ability to influence. It's a strange thing.
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May 8, 2020 02:53
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Sjs00 posted:Did you have a session between 5:54 and 6:07 or are you posting while simultaneously speaking with your therapist I have to know I had a session that ended 5:30ish. I guess I meant “I recently got off the Zoom”
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May 8, 2020 04:59
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Grondoth posted:I really don't know what to do with these feelings that I'm living in a failing democracy and a declining empire. It's this sort of... intellectual discomfort and implacable anxiety about things so much bigger than me or my ability to influence. It me, I'm the post The whole of goddamn America whose brains aren't butter is going through a huge existential crisis, so you're deffo not alone. Do what you can to effect change, however small, even if it doesn't work out, and then focus on what's important in your day to day life. I'm not saying it'll all come out okay but you can at least try to achieve a sense of satisfied resignation, which helps. Remember, your hand is the same size no matter what distance it is from you, but if it's kept right in front of your face you can't see anything else. Perspective does matter. How to undo that, I don't know, other than years of work in therapy  :
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May 8, 2020 06:56
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Sjs00 posted:Did you have a session between 5:54 and 6:07 or are you posting while simultaneously speaking with your therapist I have to know My therapy is just reading posts out loud from cspam to my therapist
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May 8, 2020 06:57
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So... I've posted in here before about this... I am diagnosed as ADHD with depression and anxiety issues. I take a few meds including low dose abilify. I am worried that right now I might be having a manic episode. It feels good and I don't feel especially reckless right now but... I'm worried. I'm doing a bunch of poo poo I don't normally do and I'm not sleeping much. Should I just call my psychiatrist tomorrow? Or maybe tonight and leave a message? Or is it more urgent than that? Should I go into work tomorrow not knowing if I might be having a manic episode? I got kinda pissy with people at work today and don't want to be worse. But tomorrow is kind of an especially important work day for me. I'd rather not miss if i don't have to and i just called out sick this last week from food poisoning so i don't want people to think I'm faking or whatever... any advise would be appreciated...
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May 8, 2020 06:58
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Is the first time you have felt manic or is there something different about the mania you are experiencing?
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May 8, 2020 07:09
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Trixie Hardcore posted:Is the first time you have felt manic or is there something different about the mania you are experiencing? I have felt similar before but this seems like one of the most intense ever. I am reading this and my eyes are literally  at how much it describes mehttps://www.additudemag.com/adhd-vs-bipolar-a-guide-to-distinguishing-look-alike-conditions/
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May 8, 2020 07:17
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To be clear never diagnosed w bipolar in past
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May 8, 2020 07:17
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I left a message for my psychiatrist to call me back tomorrow. For now I guess I will attempt to sleep
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May 8, 2020 07:24
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Okay so first of all I'm not a professional and this is not professional advice but I also have ADHD and my husband is bipolar (lol) so I do have like a lot of experience with someone managing mania. Definitely call your psychiatrist tomorrow when you have time, let them know you think you might be experiencing symptoms of mania, be honest with what you're feeling so they are better able to assess where you're at and what might be best. Don't be afraid of being manic, it's just a thing your brain is doing and most people can function through an important work day while manic. Just practice any calming exercises you know and be mindful of yourself so you don't get snippy or act in a way you wouldn't want to. It's not an emergency situation unless you are experiencing other physical symptoms that make you think something medical might be wrong. If it's just mania, you'll get through it, mania can be really challenging and it can also be really fun so like don't freak out. You also might totally not be manic and are experiencing a side effect of your new med mix or just some really intense ADHD.
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May 8, 2020 07:29
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Oh, um don't buy a motorcycle or make any big purchases or decide to buy a motorcycle and spend all night driving to Mexico.
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May 8, 2020 07:35
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Trixie Hardcore posted:Okay so first of all I'm not a professional and this is not professional advice but I also have ADHD and my husband is bipolar (lol) so I do have like a lot of experience with someone managing mania. Definitely call your psychiatrist tomorrow when you have time, let them know you think you might be experiencing symptoms of mania, be honest with what you're feeling so they are better able to assess where you're at and what might be best. Don't be afraid of being manic, it's just a thing your brain is doing and most people can function through an important work day while manic. Just practice any calming exercises you know and be mindful of yourself so you don't get snippy or act in a way you wouldn't want to. It's not an emergency situation unless you are experiencing other physical symptoms that make you think something medical might be wrong. If it's just mania, you'll get through it, mania can be really challenging and it can also be really fun so like don't freak out. You also might totally not be manic and are experiencing a side effect of your new med mix or just some really intense ADHD. Thank you, this was my gut feeling but bipolar scares me. It has a terrible reputation as far as disorders go. There's some pretty cool celebs that have/had it though so that's cool I think!
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May 8, 2020 07:35
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Trixie Hardcore posted:Oh, um don't buy a motorcycle or make any big purchases or decide to buy a motorcycle and spend all night driving to Mexico. gently caress I literally bought a saxophone earlier
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May 8, 2020 07:36
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I think I can afford it... maybe I should email the company... sigh
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May 8, 2020 07:36
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Do you know how to play the sax?
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May 8, 2020 07:37
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Maybe use your manic energy to get loving sick at saxophone?
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May 8, 2020 07:37
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Heath posted:Do you know how to play the sax? Yes
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May 8, 2020 07:42
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The first thing my husband does when he feels mania coming on is give me his credit card.
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May 8, 2020 07:42
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Trixie Hardcore posted:Maybe use your manic energy to get loving sick at saxophone? Tempted to run away and join circus. I asked my boyfriend earlier what he would do if I quit my job and became a musician and he said "we'd be homeless" - well played bf well played
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May 8, 2020 07:43
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I actually played in a community band with a guy that played saxophone in the circus and he used to teach me the circus music ways. I played solos in my highschool marching band with no mic thanks to a plastic reed. Sorry in advance for any annoyance at my mania, everyone. I feel slightly annoyed with myself right now but it's ok.
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May 8, 2020 07:46
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Also, I know bipolar has a bad rep but for most people it is manageable and is also a spectrum, not everyone is experiencing it the same way. I think part of what gives it a bad rep is that what makes it manageable varies from person to person and can take time to find that balance and you have to be flexible with management because what works can change over time. Also, it might not be the thing you are experiencing, brains are complicated and a lot of "bipolar symptoms" can overlap with other brain stuff like ADHD, the good thing is that ADHD coping techniques do help with Bipolar and vice versa.Dixville posted:Tempted to run away and join circus. Don't join the circus. Like 90% of Cirque du Soliel got laid off and they were like the only circus that makes any money these days.Who the gently caress needs a sax player in their circus? If I went to the circus and someone was playing the sax I'd be so pissed off. Keep your job, I can tell you to do this for sure because I am a doctor of jobs. e: also maybe try that sleep thing again
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May 8, 2020 07:55
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Trixie Hardcore posted:Also, I know bipolar has a bad rep but for most people it is manageable and is also a spectrum, not everyone is experiencing it the same way. I think part of what gives it a bad rep is that what makes it manageable varies from person to person and can take time to find that balance and you have to be flexible with management because what works can change over time. Also, it might not be the thing you are experiencing, brains are complicated and a lot of "bipolar symptoms" can overlap with other brain stuff like ADHD, the good thing is that ADHD coping techniques do help with Bipolar and vice versa. https://youtu.be/tM00X2gSrX8 I want to try to sleep but I also don't. It's odd Edit I should stop posting before I get probed but I'll end with this. Lol reddits circus sax predicament https://www.reddit.com/r/saxophone/comments/acpxqj/circus_music/?utm_medium=android_app&utm_source=share Dixville has issued a correction as of 08:06 on May 8, 2020 |
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May 8, 2020 08:01
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Chokes McGee posted:My therapy is just reading posts out loud from cspam to my therapist lol "why do you keep yelling 'TRUMOP!' at me?"
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May 8, 2020 12:38
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thehandtruck posted:lol "why do you keep yelling 'TRUMOP!' at me?" "Mr McGee, I believe you have gone aphasic. You need to contact a neurologist urgently"
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May 8, 2020 13:48
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Dixville posted:Thank you, this was my gut feeling but bipolar scares me. It has a terrible reputation as far as disorders go. There's some pretty cool celebs that have/had it though so that's cool I think! Hi! I have bipolar 2! It doesn't have to be terrifying and you can still be a functional adult!  The thing about bipolar though is that, if you have it, you absolutely need a mood stabilizer. Also you should not be taking SSRIs, they can trigger mania. Those are the two biggest ones, because the more times you go manic, the easier it is to do it in the future. That's a process that takes years upon years of being unmedicated so I'm not saying this to scare you, merely to emphasize getting on the right meds is very important. I AM NOT A DOCTOR OK but from the posts you've made alone, it sounds very much like mania. See a doctor as soon as possible, preferably a full psychiatrist. They will know best what to try, but if given an option, I suggest lamotragene (Lamictal) first and then lithium if that doesn't work. Listen to your pdoc though and go with what they say, but be sure to emphasize what you've just described to us. More advice can also be found in the OP, I highly recommend it and not just because I spent hours getting it right e: also I would never probe you for a mania streak unless it went to anger and you started ripping other posters or something. Mania is not a thoughtcrime.
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May 8, 2020 15:51
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AceOfFlames posted:"Mr McGee, I believe you have gone aphasic. You need to contact a neurologist urgently" "Trdufdsmp  "
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May 8, 2020 15:51
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T-T-T-T-TRIPLE POST For those of you looking for online help, here's an article that's a good read. The first one they list is notOK and gfd I wish I had that app two years ago. It looks like a solid and well researched list, I highly recommend checking it out. If you do use any of these apps, please post trip reports in the thread. I don't want to treat you guys like lab rats so don't worry if you don't like any of them!! But, if enough people espouse one or more apps, I'll put them in the OP. e: And here's some possible alternatives for direct online therapy. Chokes McGee has issued a correction as of 16:08 on May 8, 2020 |
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May 8, 2020 16:03
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Chokes McGee posted:Hi! I have bipolar 2! It doesn't have to be terrifying and you can still be a functional adult!
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May 8, 2020 16:18
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