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Who's your favorite faction?
Die Mechaniker
Imperial Balkania
Khan Industries
Saharan Republic
Enclave of the Bear
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grandalt
Feb 26, 2013

I didn't fight through two wars to rule
I fought for the future of the world

And the right to have hot tea whenever I wanted
Journal of Sir Grandalt Nodington

So, here we are, in a new world, mostly unsettled. Empress-General Blix, the first of her name, has lead those of who follow the flag of Balkania to this place and it seems a bit warmer than I expected, though not warm enough to grow the tea plants without a greenhouse. Never the less, she is bound to lead us to glory and bounteous lands. We only wait for her orders before we set sail into the unknown. There may be peril but we will deal with, and I look forward to discover what we will have as opponents.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Night10194
Feb 13, 2012

We'll start,
like many good things,
with a bear.

It's bears. Your ultimate opponent will always be bears.

Forever.

Slaan
Mar 16, 2009



ASHERAH DEMANDS I FEAST, I VOTE FOR A FEAST OF FLESH

Double May Care posted:

And we're back! Looks like we've got some viewer mail--Tom, Tom, where the hell did we get this? This is an undisclosed location! ... Read it off.
Uh, this one is from... Toomuch Abstraction. Wants to know why our troops don't maneuver at the start of the turn.
Why our--Gimme that, Tom. What, there's more here. Why's this part blacked out? (womp womp) Stop it. Hey, Toomass, thanks for the question. And the answer to that is... what the (honk) are you talking about? That's top-secret information--we shouldn't even be reading it on-air! But to answer your question, I have a special guest. Straight from the top of the chain of command, General Spears everybody! General.
Desi.
It's an honor to have you here. What do you have to say to this fan?
That's classified. (dial tone)
... Well, there you have it! Looks like we'll see what the future holds for our brave troops. Take us out, Tom.
From the best minds on Earth-323435, to the cruisers and bruisers of the world, this is Radio Republic. New World! (clap clap) New Order! (clap clap)

Hey Radio Republic! Long time listener, first time caller! Yeah!

So, guys, question for you! Are you single and ready to mingle Tom? How about Spears? I got tickets to your upcoming party and I'd love to swing a seat at your table too, hehe!
Also, why are those bears so smelly? Ugh, can't they take a bath?

Take my answer off of the air, ciao fellas!

Dr. Snark
Oct 15, 2012

I'M SORRY, OK!? I admit I've made some mistakes, and Jones has clearly paid for them.
...
But ma'am! Jones' only crime was looking at the wrong files!
...
I beg of you, don't ship away Jones, he has a wife and kids!

-United Nations Intelligence Service

Turn 1 Report

The people of Earth-323435 held their breath as the drums of war echoed across the planet.

And held it.

And held it...

And kept holding it...

Finally someone gasped for air and asked, "Isn't there supposed to be a war going on?"


So as it turns out, there was literally no conflict this turn. At all. Peace has overtaken the Earth and stuff. It's honestly kind of underwhelming. So I'm going to be skipping some things, like the initiative roll -


The Dice do not approve of this and are currently protesting

And cutting straight to the chase with each continent in the most :effort: of summaries. To begin:



The Bears have (fittingly) spread out across Canada, but are keeping their troops packed together for the time being.



Die Mech has secured South America and gained it's continent bonus. It's also fortified the poo poo out of its borders and has taken a hold of Central America to keep anyone from claiming NA's continent bonus.



Similarly, the Saharans have claimed Africa for its bonus and have fortified its borders as well.



I'm honestly not sure whether it was through good diplomacy, good luck, cautious opponents, or a mix of all three, but Balkania has managed to walk away with all of Europe and its bonus. Also, due to their faction power, they claimed the Ukraine/Russia territory card with their expansion.



The Khans spread across Asia, and come within inches of getting into a fight with a pack of Bears that have moved into Kamchatka.



Also they captured Australia for its bonuses. No one was surprised at all.

Status Report:



Die Mechaniker will be receiving 5 reinforcements.
Enclave of the Bears will be receiving 3 reinforcements.
Imperial Balkania will be receiving 8 reinforcements.
Khan Industries will be receiving 5 reinforcements, plus 1 extra unit at their HQ.
Saharan Republic will be receiving 6 reinforcements.

All jokes aside, while this turn may have been quiet it's pretty much guaranteed that the next one is about to get very messy. I originally assumed that North America would be the source of a lot of early conflict, but now it's looking like Africa and the surrounding areas are going to be where the first big showdowns are about to happen.

With all of the armies about to hit the board on every side there's going to be quite a bit of fighting next turn, I guarantee it!

Side Board:



Available cards: Madagascar (2 Resources), Northern Europe (1 Resource), Ural (2 Resources), Egypt (1 Resource)

Cards Held by Players:
-Imperial Balkania: Russia/Ukraine (1 Resource)

Thread Highlights:

Double May Care posted:

And we're back! Looks like we've got some viewer mail--Tom, Tom, where the hell did we get this? This is an undisclosed location! ... Read it off.
Uh, this one is from... Toomuch Abstraction. Wants to know why our troops don't maneuver at the start of the turn.
Why our--Gimme that, Tom. What, there's more here. Why's this part blacked out? (womp womp) Stop it. Hey, Toomass, thanks for the question. And the answer to that is... what the (honk) are you talking about? That's top-secret information--we shouldn't even be reading it on-air! But to answer your question, I have a special guest. Straight from the top of the chain of command, General Spears everybody! General.
Desi.
It's an honor to have you here. What do you have to say to this fan?
That's classified. (dial tone)
... Well, there you have it! Looks like we'll see what the future holds for our brave troops. Take us out, Tom.
From the best minds on Earth-323435, to the cruisers and bruisers of the world, this is Radio Republic. New World! (clap clap) New Order! (clap clap)

MagusofStars posted:

The Die Mech Council of Wizards has recently detected transmissions discussing the selection of theoretical "Faction Powers". This is an opportune time to inform you that we have chosen to fortify our headquarters by using our magic to summon powerful Terminator Guardians*. These guardians will augment our defense at our primary factory to the point that desert radio DJ's, ursines, and any other useless fleshling lifeforms of this world would be foolish to even consider attacking. This shall allow our headquarters to serve as an impenetrable brick wall chokepoint and a safe repository of our "Red Stars" which will be used in a holy ritual to end the inferior forms of life.

It is noted that we had also considered preparing a spell to create mobile Pair-of-Six-Shields**, but decided that it would be of limited use due to the fact that after our strong defense of two natural sixes, your futile assaults would be all but destroyed anyways. Additionally, we have seen in the blood that such a shield would merely result in opponents redirecting their offense to adjacent territories and thereby would be less effective than it would initially appear. Such an effort was deemed unnecessary in light of the Terminator Guardians now deployed on our walls.

OOC descriptions:
*Selected Power: Starting HQ is always treated as Fortified (+1 to rolls) when you defend it.
**Discarded Power: If you are defending a territory and roll two natural sixes, that territory can no longer be attacked until end of turn.


grandalt posted:

Journal of Sir Grandalt Nodington

So, here we are, in a new world, mostly unsettled. Empress-General Blix, the first of her name, has lead those of who follow the flag of Balkania to this place and it seems a bit warmer than I expected, though not warm enough to grow the tea plants without a greenhouse. Never the less, she is bound to lead us to glory and bounteous lands. We only wait for her orders before we set sail into the unknown. There may be peril but we will deal with, and I look forward to discover what we will have as opponents.

Dr. Snark fucked around with this message at 05:56 on May 19, 2020

Xelkelvos
Dec 19, 2012

Dr. Snark posted:

Die Mechaniker will be receiving 5 reinforcements.
Enclave of the Bears will be receiving 3 reinforcements.
Imperial Balkania will be receiving 8 reinforcements.
Khan Industries will be receiving 5 reinforcements, plus 1 extra unit at their HQ.
Saharan Republic will be receiving 6 reinforcements.


*Angry, frustrated roaring*

NeoRonTheNeuron
Oct 14, 2012
With the rules as written, I honestly expected a little bit of fighting.

You get a card if you happen to claim someone else's territory, right? For this first round, everyone needs 8 cards to win (or 4 cards + someone else's HQ or 2 HQs). Even if you don't intend to do a full on war yet, it is mutually beneficial to work with someone else to trade territories. That way, you both get cards at the cost of about 1 or 2 troops a turn (usually by setting up 3v1 scenarios).

=================

Thinking long-term, allies could choose to trade wins with each other or even conspire to eliminate one of the others. A coalition of 3 or 4 of the 5 would be unstoppable.

Even better, the alliances don't have to be long-term. Since pretty much everyone who survives will get a single victory, you are better off if you can achieve those victories first with a short-term alliance. Better yet, you can use an alliance like this to eliminate a player. (The game is more stable as a 2v2).

=================

A dedicated group of 3 could easily win-trade the first 3 games. 2 players purposefully sacrifice their HQs to the 3rd, granting them their first win within the 1st or 2nd turn. Then they repeat this trade in the next 2 games.

The other 2 players could try to stop this, but the 2 are unlikely to be able to overcome a group of 3.

I'm not sure how advantageous early wins are, but it seems like a rather promising way to start off the game. I wonder if I'm missing something. Maybe the rules change too much to allow this to happen. Or maybe since you only ever play Risk Legacy once, you never have the urge to play this way.

FoolyCharged
Oct 11, 2012

Cheating at a raffle? I sentence you to 1 year in jail! No! Two years! Three! Four! Five years! Ah! Ah! Ah! Ah!
Somebody call for an ant?

NeoRonTheNeuron posted:

With the rules as written, I honestly expected a little bit of fighting.

You get a card if you happen to claim someone else's territory, right? For this first round, everyone needs 8 cards to win (or 4 cards + someone else's HQ or 2 HQs). Even if you don't intend to do a full on war yet, it is mutually beneficial to work with someone else to trade territories. That way, you both get cards at the cost of about 1 or 2 troops a turn (usually by setting up 3v1 scenarios).

=================

Thinking long-term, allies could choose to trade wins with each other or even conspire to eliminate one of the others. A coalition of 3 or 4 of the 5 would be unstoppable.

Even better, the alliances don't have to be long-term. Since pretty much everyone who survives will get a single victory, you are better off if you can achieve those victories first with a short-term alliance. Better yet, you can use an alliance like this to eliminate a player. (The game is more stable as a 2v2).

=================

A dedicated group of 3 could easily win-trade the first 3 games. 2 players purposefully sacrifice their HQs to the 3rd, granting them their first win within the 1st or 2nd turn. Then they repeat this trade in the next 2 games.

The other 2 players could try to stop this, but the 2 are unlikely to be able to overcome a group of 3.

I'm not sure how advantageous early wins are, but it seems like a rather promising way to start off the game. I wonder if I'm missing something. Maybe the rules change too much to allow this to happen. Or maybe since you only ever play Risk Legacy once, you never have the urge to play this way.

On the other hand, if the dice fall right I see a potential victory for next turn that would occur before anyone got a chance to trade in.

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

Night10194 posted:

It's bears. Your ultimate opponent will always be bears.

Forever.

Imagine a bear chewing on a tea-drinker's face, forever









(though not if people keep doing poo poo like 'allow Balkania an uncontested Europe' ooooooof)

Namtab
Feb 22, 2010

Europe is taken. The first seal has been lifted.

Veryslightlymad
Jun 3, 2007

I fight with
my brain
and with an
underlying
hatred of the
Erebonian
Noble Faction
Hey, remember what I said about positions? Yeah, if no one actually invades or contests Europe, then that position kind of rules.

Omobono
Feb 19, 2013

That's it! No more hiding in tomato crates! It's time to show that idiota Germany how a real nation fights!

For pasta~! CHARGE!

Veryslightlymad posted:

Hey, remember what I said about positions? Yeah, if no one actually invades or contests Europe, then that position kind of rules.

:agreed:

South America and Africa are actually defensible positions (never mind Oceania), but Europe going uncontested is kinda freaking me out.

If I were Balkania I'd probably fortify this turn and #YOLO next turn.

Veryslightlymad
Jun 3, 2007

I fight with
my brain
and with an
underlying
hatred of the
Erebonian
Noble Faction

Omobono posted:

:agreed:

South America and Africa are actually defensible positions (never mind Oceania), but Europe going uncontested is kinda freaking me out.

If I were Balkania I'd probably fortify this turn and #YOLO next turn.

gently caress that, if they win initiative, they could win NOW.

Omobono
Feb 19, 2013

That's it! No more hiding in tomato crates! It's time to show that idiota Germany how a real nation fights!

For pasta~! CHARGE!

Veryslightlymad posted:

gently caress that, if they win initiative, they could win NOW.

:ssh:

TooMuchAbstraction
Oct 14, 2012

I spent four years making
Waves of Steel
Hell yes I'm going to turn my avatar into an ad for it.
Fun Shoe
They are two territories away from two bases, and three territories away from another (though going for the Bears would require splitting their forces). Depending on turn order and how the other factions act Balkania could quite easily win in turn 2.

Namtab
Feb 22, 2010

Thats a trifle optimistic. Balkania getting the most reinforcements also places a target on their back, and depending on turn order could also be in a disadvantaged position. Theyd have to be lucky to win outright turn 2, amd run a risk (ha) of overextending if they try

Akratic Method
Mar 9, 2013

It's going to pay off eventually--I'm sure of it.

Any day now.

Namtab posted:

Thats a trifle optimistic. Balkania getting the most reinforcements also places a target on their back, and depending on turn order could also be in a disadvantaged position. Theyd have to be lucky to win outright turn 2, amd run a risk (ha) of overextending if they try

Lunging to win is almost always going to put you in a semi-doomed position if you fail, but in a short game not taking that risk usually results in losing to someone else who does. Of course, putting that big target on their backs by getting the huge reinforcement bonus was a little iffy because it being beneficial at all relies upon the initiative dice being kind. But they already made that choice, and given that they did, if they're still standing roughly intact by the time their turn rolls around I think they'd be crazy to not aim for a win.

To be honest, depending on turn order and reinforcement locations, I might even consider lunging for an early win as the Saharans, by grabbing the Balkanian and Khan HQs. Not the best odds, but also I feel like their position is iffy and likely to get worse unless the bears decide to crack the robots' continent bonus through the unfortified side, and someone cracks Europe. The Saharans taking on the robots would be sort of a let's-both-lose move in that they could probably win and break the robots enough to hand North America to the bears, but at a cost that would leave the Saharans vulnerable to attack from the east or north, and if the robots keep building forces with a narrow front at which to concentrate them then eventually they'll be able to break into Africa. So waiting around seems like a losing proposition unless they can build a deal with the robots. A bunker in west africa (or ammo shortage in Brazil) might change this calculation, though.

The bears aren't in a great spot, more literally than anything else. They don't have an easy continent bonus to grab, they can't orient their forces so as to have their first attack (and thus faction bonus) be against somewhere important, and they have a lot of frontier to defend. Diplomacy might get them somewhere due to lack of first-turn success making them seem the least threatening? I feel like their best case is going last in the turn and getting ignored, then being able to tear someone apart with their smaller but intact forces.

Khan and the robots, I think they benefit if things go on longer since they have their cute little fortresses with reinforcement bonuses. It's a dull way to play but being too annoying to attack while building up armies is a winning strategy as long as the game goes on long enough for it to finish. (Incidentally, this is why I like the bears' other power, because sometimes it just burns that game plan down completely. Happened to me once; I had a huge force in Greenland, was ready to move in and win next turn, and the bears rolled three of a kind and massacred my entire bank of forces at a stroke, pretty much taking me out of the game. I left behind a minor city named That Time I Got hosed By Bears

DLord
Apr 28, 2013
In a hidden bunker a group of odd individuals gather

It seems like the opening steps are here at last.

So we need to get a head of the game.

The programming hidden subroutine is in place.

Our time to build up our connections and get over those who claimed we are weak, will begin.

Good, so first order of business what acronym are we going call ourselves?

Shei-kun
Dec 2, 2011

Screw you, physics!
D-do I see Snidely Whiplash and Winnie the Pooh in those silhouettes?

girl dick energy
Sep 30, 2009

You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
Number Five is alive!

grandalt
Feb 26, 2013

I didn't fight through two wars to rule
I fought for the future of the world

And the right to have hot tea whenever I wanted
Journal of Sir Grandalt Nodington

The trip across the sea was quite invigorating and now my unit is enjoying the warm of this southern part of what was Europe in the old world. This peace has given me a fair bit of time to survey the land for places that might be suitable for the growth of tea, but it has not all be peaceful work. Each night we can hear the broadcasts of that DJ, rallying his troops for the upcoming violence; for I know that they will not keep to their side of the sea. We must be prepared for their attack.

It is a shame though that nearly all of our tea supplies must be sent back to the capital but they need the warm of that most precious resource to keep up their spirits in the cold. Hopefully those bears will keep to the treaty that our great empress has made. I have no idea what is going over in the land, I am still too junior an officer to be told of what is happening in the far off land.

Later note: Someone has stolen my unit’s tea supply. Whoever this thief is, they will regret this most grievous insult!

Double May Care
Mar 28, 2012

We need Dragon-type Pokemon to help us prepare our food before we cook it. We're not sure why!

Slaan posted:

Hey Radio Republic! Long time listener, first time caller! Yeah!

So, guys, question for you! Are you single and ready to mingle Tom? How about Spears? I got tickets to your upcoming party and I'd love to swing a seat at your table too, hehe!
Also, why are those bears so smelly? Ugh, can't they take a bath?

Take my answer off of the air, ciao fellas!

Oh, what, no love for Desi then, is that it? (whistle) Oh, thank you Tom. Well how about it Tom, you need a date for the party?
OHHHH YEAH...
Lucky caller, sounds like Monitor Tom's taking all comers, come one come all--and bless the rains down in Africa, seems we've made some headway in our wartime rallies, locking down one! That's one continent, and such a nice continent it is too. I mean look at it, it's a-frickin miracle! (crickets) Okay, okay, yeesh. Now how about you General Spears, you looking for that special someone?
No, thank you, I've already found them.
(aww) Well, you can't win them all, caller. Or can you? No, you can't. Or CAN you? It remains to be seen if the Saharan Republic will win big in the next surge of movement or go down in a blaze of glory.
A BLAAZE o-gloraaaaay!
Hoo-wee, listen to Tom Bon Govi over here. Man with a thousand voices, Tom--Tom, can you do Empress-General Blix? He's nodding. Folks, he's stretching, he's warming up--let's hear it Tom.
I say, et wot wot wot, spot of tea, bit of war for the lads, and watch cricket on the telly, wot wot wot wot! Cheerio!
Hhh-haa-hahahaha! Spot on, Tom, you slay me. Oh, man... Ahem, Empress-General.
Mmmyes?
You've amassed quite a large army in Southern Europe. Care to talk about it?
Oh-ooh, that. Well, I told the lads to put boots on the ground, and they brought me Italy!
Ah, because it's shaped like a boot, right?
Mmmyes, quite! (ting-a-ling) Ah, it's tea time, toodalooooo!
Thanks so much--Empress-General Blix, everyone! (applause) Wait, wait, I see someone else at the door. It's, it's a bear! Yes, tapping on the window, a giant grizzly polar bear! Tom, Tom, don't let it in--noooooo!
(angry bear noises)
Ah, no, please don't eat me Mr. Bear!
Rrrr, rokay.
Phew. Mr. Bear, the caller also wanted to know--please, have a seat--the caller wants to know--the caller, mind all you folks listening--they want to know... Mr. Bear, why are you so gosh-darn smelly? Tell me, do you hate baths?
Rrr, do we hate baths? Does a bear (honk) in the woods?!
Oh! Mr. Bear, everybody! (applause) Ha-hahh! We'll be right back.
No, don't insult world leaders! That was our one rule! You know how fragile their egos can--

Xelkelvos
Dec 19, 2012


I think we found the problem

wologar
Feb 11, 2014

නෝනාවරුනි
I get all my news and political views from Radio Republic :allears:

wologar fucked around with this message at 02:39 on May 21, 2020

NGDBSS
Dec 30, 2009









Things were going well, if the bureaucrats were to be believed. But Empress-General Pernille Blix was never on their side. Mere paper-pushing was always a means to an end: conflict. It all served but one purpose, to keep her master's Wheel turning. The belligerent Saharans lay mere hundreds of kilometers off the south horizon, and intelligence reports suggested a flank from the Enclave of the Bears. Regardless of the outcome, victory was assured.

It is begun. Fate is inexorable, but few can contain its forbidden truths. Tell me, my servant, what do you see?

Her master was, if nothing else, instructive. So what did she see? Blood-crazed robots an ocean away, pushing bears onto pack ice. A megalomaniac converting a whole desert and steppe to his petty and transient aims before others finally took notice and trampled so much glass back into sand. A story to spin to the inheritors of Nānnuflāy.

The empress-general pulled out her phone and dialed a trustworthy subordinate. "General Gunderson? It is time for Operation Cyanide."

---

Real talk here, DM and KI are in the best positions for the next turn unless something massively silly happens with dice. At the start of the turn IB's in a good position but is right next to SR. Similarly, SR has its continent bonus but is right next to IB. So we're going to be at odds for a bit resolving that tangle. Meanwhile EB really needs to grab any kind of continent bonus to be something more than a kingmaker, especially against a very defensive KI that already gets more reinforcements. (They could go after IB but like I said that's just kingmaker territory.) And KI has no nearby opponents to prevent it from gobbling a lot of Asia; at most there's EB but them engaging is again secondary.

Shei-kun
Dec 2, 2011

Screw you, physics!
Looking forward to either a Turn 2 victory or everything going wrong.

Either way, it will be glorious to witness :allears:

girl dick energy
Sep 30, 2009

You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
I really don't like the EB's position right now, they're really stuck between a rock and a hard place here. Well, a rock and two hard places, really. I think they might have a shot if they can keep their head down while everyone else piles on whoever looks the most dangerous, though. Really curious what kind of furious politicking Xel is doing right now. :allears:

Xelkelvos
Dec 19, 2012

PMush Perfect posted:

I really don't like the EB's position right now, they're really stuck between a rock and a hard place here. Well, a rock and two hard places, really. I think they might have a shot if they can keep their head down while everyone else piles on whoever looks the most dangerous, though. Really curious what kind of furious politicking Xel is doing right now. :allears:

Not enough. Me being able to play Kingmaker is about wehre I'm at atm. Let's just say that I'll end up having better leverage without my HQ than with it.

Xelkelvos fucked around with this message at 22:13 on May 21, 2020

Dr. Snark
Oct 15, 2012

I'M SORRY, OK!? I admit I've made some mistakes, and Jones has clearly paid for them.
...
But ma'am! Jones' only crime was looking at the wrong files!
...
I beg of you, don't ship away Jones, he has a wife and kids!

-United Nations Intelligence Service

Just want to let folks know that I'm still working on getting the update for this turn put together - as you might expect, there was a lot of fighting going on pretty much everywhere, and there's many pictures that need to be edited and writeups to be done, not helped by work going a bit crazy recently and draining my energy.

I will tease you all by saying that this round is basically every bit as chaotic and crazy as one might expect, and every faction is going to have their moment in the limelight.

DLord
Apr 28, 2013
Wonderful, I am so looking forward to turn 2.

Sally
Jan 9, 2007


Don't post Small Dash!
yeah, looking forward to it!

Sjs00
Jun 29, 2013

Yeah Baby Yeah !
I'm ready to see the bears rip spines from meatbags

NeoRonTheNeuron
Oct 14, 2012
Looks like it wasn't a Turn 2 victory. It's going to be more fun this way. :)

DivineCoffeeBinge
Mar 3, 2011

Spider-Man's Amazing Construction Company

Sjs00 posted:

I'm ready to see the bears rip spines from meatbags

:yeah:

Dr. Snark
Oct 15, 2012

I'M SORRY, OK!? I admit I've made some mistakes, and Jones has clearly paid for them.
...
But ma'am! Jones' only crime was looking at the wrong files!
...
I beg of you, don't ship away Jones, he has a wife and kids!

-United Nations Intelligence Service

Turn 2 Report

While the world was in a fragile peace as the factions expanded, it could not last forever.

And when the war came, it was as fierce as the peoples of the world feared...


Reinforcements:



Can you spot the conflict zones that are upcoming in this update?

Initiative:



Well now, quite a few ties here! Let's just resolve the front runners first -



And then figure out who's first at being last.



Very well then! With all that in order, it's time for the show to begin!



With Europe secured, the Empress decided to make it clear to the rebellious Saharans on the Balkanian border that their continued independence and tasteless mockery of their Empress' accent would not be tolerated.



After mustering a massive force in Southern Europe, the Balkanians launched an all-out attack on the Saharan forces in North Africa. The results were a disaster...



...for the Sahrans.

With the forces in the region fixated on a future attack into Europe, the Balkanian assault blindsided them badly - while they were eventually able to mount a defense significant enough to cause Balkanian casualties, it was too late as their armies swept across the region.

Couldn't believe the rolls as I saw them myself honestly.



Content with the idea that the message from the Empress had been thoroughly received, the majority of the Balkanian forces pulled back to Southern Europe, awaiting any future counterattacks.

Saharan Republic has lost control of Africa!



Concerned that the Balkanians would use their position to expand and cut off the necessary supply of territory/solar farms, PleaseStopTalking directed his forces to launch a punitive expedition into Russia to curb their influence.



The fighting in the region was fierce and both sides took heavy casualties, but the battle was ultimately won when the KI forces used some of their solar mirrors to kick off an avalanche that crushed the remaining Balkanian forces.

Balkania has lost control of Europe!



A further attempt to march into Scandinavia to secure its critical fjords was attempted, but ultimately the KI forces were destroyed.

I forgot to get a picture of that one, but tbh that fight was about as "exciting" as you'd expect.



After processing the disastrous defeat in North Africa, the Saharan forces in nearby Egypt quickly stormed the practically empty Balkanian positions and retook Africa.



Once Africa was re-secured, the Saharan forces turned towards the Balkanians in Western Europe.



With vengeance in their hearts and "We're Not Gonna Take It" blasting on their radios, the Saharans launched a vicious counter-offensive into the region.



In a dramatic turn of events, the Balkanians in the region faced the same fate that the Saharans in North Africa had, blindsided by the counterattack and unable to react in time. After what only seemed like moments, their forces were destroyed with only the bare minimum of Saharan casualties.



Not content with just Western Europe, the Saharans pushed into Central Europe, where they faced noticeably tougher resistance.



After some initial casualties, the attacking armies were ordered to pull back to North Africa - while the attack could have succeeded, it was deemed to risky to leave the region exposed with the Die Mechaniker forces on the border, quite literally lusting for blood.

Sahran Republic retakes Africa!



Frustrated with the lack of progress his faction had seen compared to the others, Nanook One-Mike-Hotel decided that now was the time to make a play for dominance. And the best way to do that...



Would be to launch an all-out assault on the Balkanian HQ in Iceland. The plan was simple. The troops were motivated. The Balkanian defenses were weak.



But the Bears' confidence started to evaporate when they heard eldritch laughter coming from beneath the waves.

Bunker Scar placed in Iceland! Defending units now get +1 to higher dice rolls!
As a side note, since the Bears' power decreases lower defender die rolls by 1, if the defender goes down to 1 unit the bonuses will cancel each other out. The rules weren't clear on this, but it makes the most sense. This also goes for Fortifications.

In the blink of an eye, the clear skies and calm waters gave way to vicious storms and pummeling waves. Many Bear Warriors didn't even make it to the shore, their transports either brought down or those who were swimming drowned beneath the waves. Still, enough of them managed to reach the shoreline-



And that was all they needed. Once they arrived the Balkanian forces fell before the claws of the Ursa Sapien army that had arrived. Much as Nanook himself wanted to rejoice though, his animal instincts sensed a coming danger...



And he promptly ordered the remaining forces to pull back to their home in Alaska. Curiously, the seas were much calmer on the return trip, though the laughter still echoed across the North Sea...

This did happen at the end of the turn, but the maneuver fit better here both visually and narratively.



Meanwhile in Asia, the Bear forces stationed there were blissfully unaware of the potential danger, and decided to get a taste of the rumored "Mongolian Barbecue" in the area.



The KI forces in Mongolia were not prepared for the influx of orders and angry bears.

Enclave of the Bear has taken the Balkanian HQ! Enclave of the Bear has 3 out of 4 Red Stars needed to win the game!



The Council of Wizards watched and waited as blood was spilled across the world. Once the Bears had finished their attack, they concluded that the time had come for them to spill blood of their own.



The Mechaniker host that had been gathering in Central America began their warpath across North America, seizing everything that stood between them and the Bears in their march on Alsaka.



The Bears in the region were almost effortlessly brushed aside by the mechanical tide, and sure enough they arrived on the doorstep of Alsaka.



In theory it was a holdout. In practice, it was a slaughter as the bloodthirsty machines descended upon Alaska, tearing apart anything that looked like it had even a drop of the blood the machines craved.

It wasn't enough.

For the first time in their existences, the machines experienced what it meant to feel greed.



Uncaring of the consequences, the Council of Wizards quickly kicked off an invasion of Africa, sending all of their forces in Brazil into the region with one goal: blood.



The Saharans fought hard, but none of them could have anticipated what had become of the Mechaniker forces. Abandoning all sense of tactics and reason, the Mechaniker forces went on a berserk charge into the Saharan lines, trampling over the broken forms of their soldiers as they made their final push towards the Saharan HQ.

I couldn't make this up if I tried. Yes, whether Die Mech could walk away with a 2-turn victory would ultimately come down to a single die roll.

And ultimately...

...

...

...

...



They were successful.

Arcane circles began appearing across the world, drawing in the blood of all those who had fallen in this brief but brutal war.

The Reign of Blood had begun.

Die Mechankier takes the Bears and Saharan HQs! Die Mechaknier has all 4 Red Stars needed to win the game!
:siren:DIE MECHANKIER WINS IN A 2-TURN VICTORY!:siren:

Status Report:

...Real talk I was not expecting this to happen. But man, what a turn!

Welp, everything else is now completely irrelevant since Die Mech has already won. I didn't even think that would be possible, but the dice were on their side in those charges.

Uh...anyway, with that out of the way I'm going to give things a day or so to process and to chat with players about what they want to put on the board and the like.

Thread Highlights:

Xelkelvos posted:

(in response to the reinforcement numbers from last turn)


*Angry, frustrated roaring*

Namtab posted:

Europe is taken. The first seal has been lifted.

DLord posted:

In a hidden bunker a group of odd individuals gather

It seems like the opening steps are here at last.

So we need to get a head of the game.

The programming hidden subroutine is in place.

Our time to build up our connections and get over those who claimed we are weak, will begin.

Good, so first order of business what acronym are we going call ourselves?



grandalt posted:

Journal of Sir Grandalt Nodington

The trip across the sea was quite invigorating and now my unit is enjoying the warm of this southern part of what was Europe in the old world. This peace has given me a fair bit of time to survey the land for places that might be suitable for the growth of tea, but it has not all be peaceful work. Each night we can hear the broadcasts of that DJ, rallying his troops for the upcoming violence; for I know that they will not keep to their side of the sea. We must be prepared for their attack.

It is a shame though that nearly all of our tea supplies must be sent back to the capital but they need the warm of that most precious resource to keep up their spirits in the cold. Hopefully those bears will keep to the treaty that our great empress has made. I have no idea what is going over in the land, I am still too junior an officer to be told of what is happening in the far off land.

Later note: Someone has stolen my unit’s tea supply. Whoever this thief is, they will regret this most grievous insult!

Double May Care posted:

Slaan posted:

Hey Radio Republic! Long time listener, first time caller! Yeah!

So, guys, question for you! Are you single and ready to mingle Tom? How about Spears? I got tickets to your upcoming party and I'd love to swing a seat at your table too, hehe!
Also, why are those bears so smelly? Ugh, can't they take a bath?

Take my answer off of the air, ciao fellas!
Oh, what, no love for Desi then, is that it? (whistle) Oh, thank you Tom. Well how about it Tom, you need a date for the party?
OHHHH YEAH...
Lucky caller, sounds like Monitor Tom's taking all comers, come one come all--and bless the rains down in Africa, seems we've made some headway in our wartime rallies, locking down one! That's one continent, and such a nice continent it is too. I mean look at it, it's a-frickin miracle! (crickets) Okay, okay, yeesh. Now how about you General Spears, you looking for that special someone?
No, thank you, I've already found them.
(aww) Well, you can't win them all, caller. Or can you? No, you can't. Or CAN you? It remains to be seen if the Saharan Republic will win big in the next surge of movement or go down in a blaze of glory.
A BLAAZE o-gloraaaaay!
Hoo-wee, listen to Tom Bon Govi over here. Man with a thousand voices, Tom--Tom, can you do Empress-General Blix? He's nodding. Folks, he's stretching, he's warming up--let's hear it Tom.
I say, et wot wot wot, spot of tea, bit of war for the lads, and watch cricket on the telly, wot wot wot wot! Cheerio!
Hhh-haa-hahahaha! Spot on, Tom, you slay me. Oh, man... Ahem, Empress-General.
Mmmyes?
You've amassed quite a large army in Southern Europe. Care to talk about it?
Oh-ooh, that. Well, I told the lads to put boots on the ground, and they brought me Italy!
Ah, because it's shaped like a boot, right?
Mmmyes, quite! (ting-a-ling) Ah, it's tea time, toodalooooo!
Thanks so much--Empress-General Blix, everyone! (applause) Wait, wait, I see someone else at the door. It's, it's a bear! Yes, tapping on the window, a giant grizzly polar bear! Tom, Tom, don't let it in--noooooo!
(angry bear noises)
Ah, no, please don't eat me Mr. Bear!
Rrrr, rokay.
Phew. Mr. Bear, the caller also wanted to know--please, have a seat--the caller wants to know--the caller, mind all you folks listening--they want to know... Mr. Bear, why are you so gosh-darn smelly? Tell me, do you hate baths?
Rrr, do we hate baths? Does a bear (honk) in the woods?!
Oh! Mr. Bear, everybody! (applause) Ha-hahh! We'll be right back.
No, don't insult world leaders! That was our one rule! You know how fragile their egos can--

Xelkelvos posted:



I think we found the problem

NGDBSS posted:




Things were going well, if the bureaucrats were to be believed. But Empress-General Pernille Blix was never on their side. Mere paper-pushing was always a means to an end: conflict. It all served but one purpose, to keep her master's Wheel turning. The belligerent Saharans lay mere hundreds of kilometers off the south horizon, and intelligence reports suggested a flank from the Enclave of the Bears. Regardless of the outcome, victory was assured.

It is begun. Fate is inexorable, but few can contain its forbidden truths. Tell me, my servant, what do you see?

Her master was, if nothing else, instructive. So what did she see? Blood-crazed robots an ocean away, pushing bears onto pack ice. A megalomaniac converting a whole desert and steppe to his petty and transient aims before others finally took notice and trampled so much glass back into sand. A story to spin to the inheritors of Nānnuflāy.

The empress-general pulled out her phone and dialed a trustworthy subordinate. "General Gunderson? It is time for Operation Cyanide."

Dr. Snark fucked around with this message at 04:34 on May 24, 2020

girl dick energy
Sep 30, 2009

You think you have the wherewithal to figure out my puzzle vagina?
:vince:

Pyroi
Aug 17, 2013

gay elf noises
NEVER underestimate the robot wizards.

DLord
Apr 28, 2013
Within the hidden bunker



Well and I thought I like to get a head to mess things up for others. This blows me out of race.

Hardly had any time to try to get some glory in the game of the houses. Still thanks for the heads up to get myself out of there in time.

Beep, statement of accepting gratitude.

Still, not much strengthening of our positions could be possible in this short time. Let alone coming up with a name.

Oh bother, this really isn't helping me look more impressive.

Akratic Method
Mar 9, 2013

It's going to pay off eventually--I'm sure of it.

Any day now.

Aaaaaand that's why when people tell me they don't want to play this game because Risk drags too long, I tell them not to worry.

(although the never-won-before free Red Star is what makes the first few games really blow by, and that will stop applying after a few rounds)

Looking forward to seeing what wonderful names get put on the board in the post-game!


VVVV: Like the Mongol hordes, they adopt the culture of their subjects, and the bears in Europe go on to develop an elaborate poetry of tea appreciation while sitting in their Icelandic bunkers.

Akratic Method fucked around with this message at 05:48 on May 24, 2020

grandalt
Feb 26, 2013

I didn't fight through two wars to rule
I fought for the future of the world

And the right to have hot tea whenever I wanted
Fitting that the faction that Dr Snark played last time win this first one. Whelp, we will see what comes next time, and I'll be able to come up with a in-character piece for this.

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Double May Care
Mar 28, 2012

We need Dragon-type Pokemon to help us prepare our food before we cook it. We're not sure why!

Alright, I don't have a lot of time. There's a robot wizard at the door pointing their staff at me so regroup wherever you can and lay low. This is not a bit. I repeat, THIS IS NOT A BIT!

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