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its not a quick read but i often think of the bit at the end of infinite jest where the tennis prodigy kid gets really depressed and someone mentions its funny how the kids that are raised to be really self actualised and well parented can turn out to have serious 
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Jul 28, 2020 14:38
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Not sure how old your kid is, but I liked "How to Talk so Little Kids Will Listen" and "No Drama Discipline." The first is aimed at handling toddler/little kid meltdowns, and is pretty light in tone, but not overly sappy. The second is again about handling common parenting issues, but with a focus on establishing and maintaining trust and respect in the relationship. Coming from a family where "discipline" meant "spanking" (belt sometimes involved), it really resonated with me. Like, I wasn't a bad kid, and my parents still hit me, which just made me a better liar and made me not trust them or want to tell them my problems at all. I wasn't going to become a full fledged delinquent anyway, so how different would my childhood had been if they'd just treated me with a modicum of respect, and less like controlling weirdos? Anyway, I don't know if this stuff will actually work out when he's older, but I've been using a bunch of techniques from "How to Talk" a lot with my toddler with like a 90% success rate of turning tantrums around. They aren't cynical at all, extremely sincere if anything, but not cloying, and they do give practical advice and approaches that are worth trying at least. Off topic, but if any of you are still dealing with wild child toddlers that can't seem to calm down at bedtime, consider trying a weighted blanket. Got a 5lb one off Amazon for $30, and I've seen a dramatic difference in the level of thrashing, wiggling, and general keeping-self-awake bullshit from my 2 yo over the last 4 nights. First night, he wouldn't accept it, so I put in on him after he was already asleep. Second night, I went, "mama wants this blanket, it's cold in here," and he cuddled up next to me under it, and has been happily asking for it ever since. It's seriously been a game-changer. He's doesn't have autism/ADHD/SPD or whatever else, he's just a high energy kid, and it seems to give his body the physical calm-the-gently caress-down cue that I used to provide by holding him and having to pin his legs between mine so he would chill out. They're not recommended for kids under 2, but if they're close to that, I'd recommend giving it a try.
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Jul 28, 2020 14:52
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Hadlock posted:Is there a good book on parenting, I like "how to talk to kids so they will listen," and a few other books by faber and mazlish. it's all about feelings and communication of feelings, and mutual respect between parent and child. i don't believe books that say "if you do this you'll get this kind of kid." that's stupid. your kids will pick up on your values, and worldview, and it'll seems schizophrenic because you're trying to parent in a way, from a book, that's not really what you believe. but if you can be authentic with them, and have some kind of respect for each other, they're more likely than not going to develope shared values with you. but in the end your kid might date a motorcycle-man or get a stupid degree, and you might have to accept them regardless. parenting sucks.
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Jul 28, 2020 15:01
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killer crane posted:but in the end your kid might date a motorcycle-man or get a stupid degree, and you might have to accept them regardless. parenting sucks. if that's the worst outcome that occurs for you, you've done well
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Jul 28, 2020 15:33
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I was a tomboy video-game kid who grew up into a computer toucher. I wear makeup only for special events. My husband is a maker-bot board game nerd who would wear a t-shirt with paint and holes in it if I didn’t stop him. My six year old daughter is obsessed with hair and fancy dresses and makeup. She puts on makeup to play in the sprinkler if I let her, and a head full of bows and braids. She does it herself. There’s definitely a real aspect of ‘you get what you get’ with kids!
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Jul 28, 2020 16:09
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Slimy Hog posted:If this is the kind of content you're looking for, sorry to break it to you, but your daughter is a person and will make decisions regardless of what you do. Hell she might do these things BECAUSE you don't want her to. Oh, I have pets and they all have their own independent personalities and other than instances where "I'm physically bigger than you, I'm moving you out of the bedroom" they have their own independent will as well. Pets can and will poo poo on the floor to protest certain changes in their environment. I fully expect my children to extend upon that theme of strong free will in new and interesting ways One of my friends growing up was acutely aware of what books her parents read to try turn her into a popular cheerleader and then read them herself, and attempted to circumvent any and all parenting strategies therein from about age 9 through 27 Just looking for something with a slightly more real view of reality BadSamaritan posted:For babies/young toddlers, I really liked Cribsheet. The author was pretty practical, with a lot of focus on risk, but in the context of ‘what other potentially riskier things would you be doing if you don’t do this thing’, rather than ‘WOW so you’re considering cutting a corner rather than entirely follow a recommendation, INTERESTING.’ It’s lighthearted and not particularly sappy, but tops out around potty training age. Thanks I'll check that out
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Jul 28, 2020 17:30
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KYOON GRIFFEY JR posted:if that's the worst outcome that occurs for you, you've done well
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Jul 28, 2020 17:55
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remigious posted:Agreed. I have an english degree and I’m doing just fine. It sounds like you need books that will teach you that your kid is an independent person that gets to make her own decisions. *Looks at 3 motorcycles in garage* Oh poo poo I've ruined my daughter forever, also my wife I guess.
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Jul 28, 2020 17:59
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Is enforcing a maximum meal duration for a toddler a thing? Our daughter is a few months shy of 3, and she takes absolutely FOREVER to eat her meals. All of them, including snacks. I understand she's not an expert with eating yet, and there is some playing involved, but honestly she just goes on and on. Dinner usually takes her about 45 minutes from when we sit her down until we can get her to admit she's finished. And it's not like she's shoving piles of food and getting more, and she's not refusing to eat what's in front of her, she just takes forever. Day care has mentioned that they sit her down for lunch/snacks first because she takes so long, but they haven't gone so far as to tell us we need to do something about it. So is this something we can/should address? I don't want to give her any weirdness about food or meal time, but we just can't sit there with her any longer. Usually we get up and do other things (dishes, feed the infant, etc.) while she stays behind and finishes... which I know isn't good, but I just can't sit there that long. I mean, we're not intending it as a punishment, and she doesn't get upset about it at all. What DOES upset her is if we try to take her food away before she's done with it. That's a fight we could do without with everything else going on, but we're starting to get sick of it taking so long.
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Jul 29, 2020 15:02
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DaveSauce posted:Is enforcing a maximum meal duration for a toddler a thing? This doesn't work all the time, but sometimes we do races or competitions on who can eat three pieces of chicken first when one of mine is being slow. And when somebody finishes their meal we make a big show of clapping and cheering that they finished eating to encourage everyone to finish sooner rather than later.
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Jul 29, 2020 18:10
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Just do what you're already doing: program in time and let her finish while you do other stuff if necessary. It won't last forever.
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Jul 30, 2020 00:14
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unexplodable posted:Just do what you're already doing: program in time and let her finish while you do other stuff if necessary. It won't last forever. Tell that to my seven year old. She still takes forever to eat. We tried bribes and threats and everything in between until we just gave up and accepted that she's a slow eater. It's annoying, but we've learned to live with it.
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Jul 30, 2020 19:56
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What are people's preferred blackout shades/curtains? There's too much light in our 3 month old's room, and he goes down and gets up with the sun, which is from 9pm to 5am with three-ish night time feedings in between. He also won't nap for more than 30 minutes at a time, possibly also due to the light. Oh god, we just need this kid to sleep more. e: Forgot to mention we're in a rental apartment in case that changes recommendations due to installation methods. Squats fucked around with this message at 15:31 on Jul 31, 2020 |
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Jul 31, 2020 15:28
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I would just go to Target and get whatever blackout curtains. The key is you need to be able to pull the curtains fully around the window or far enough on either side or it can leak through the sides. A lot of people don't seem to know how to properly install curtain rods and put them in the wrong spot.
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Jul 31, 2020 15:43
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We use these in all the bedrooms: https://www.amazon.com/gp/product/B005U63VAU/ If you've got curtain rods, they work really well. They let basically zero light through, so the only light we get is what sneaks around the sides.
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Jul 31, 2020 15:45
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If you don't mind having people think you're insane, foil or cardboard on the windows themselves helps for extra leaky light.
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Jul 31, 2020 16:47
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I just used tape to secure the edges. Not a lot of tape, just a strip of double sided tape. You can't even tell it is taped when you look at it and it was super easy to do.
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Jul 31, 2020 16:51
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Does anyone have suggestions for irrational fears? My almost-6-year-old is currently scared of bugs. Any bugs. Flies, fruit flies, moths, ants, beetles. Last week he literally screamed when he was bit by a mosquito, I thought he'd stepped on a wasp or something. He's been having nightmares about bees and spiders. We're trying to be gentle and hoping it's just a phase. I've been catching little bugs if he finds them in the house and we look at how cool they are, and talk about how they live, and then set them free outside and he really likes that... but as soon as they're WILD bugs, they're back to being scary again.  He's never been stung or anything, I'm at a loss as to how this all started.
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Jul 31, 2020 18:47
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Sarah posted:We are starting to get an attitude here at 21 months. She’s still not really talking yet so it’s dramatic body movements and turning into a wet towel when she doesn’t want picked up. flashy_mcflash posted:I don't know if this is outdated or whatever but I always used d-link networked cameras instead of actual baby monitors because they were a lot less expensive and worked the same. DaveSauce posted:Is enforcing a maximum meal duration for a toddler a thing? 2DEG posted:If you don't mind having people think you're insane, foil or cardboard on the windows themselves helps for extra leaky light.
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Jul 31, 2020 19:51
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I use foil with blackout over it since some light inevitably sneaks in. It looks a little crazy but whatever.
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Aug 1, 2020 00:27
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2DEG posted:If you don't mind having people think you're insane, foil or cardboard on the windows themselves helps for extra leaky light. I can’t emptyquote this hard enough; a few narrow strips of cardboard to supplement the shades changed our world. It’s like the difference between viewing an eclipse at 99% totality vs 100%—when your goal is total darkness, even a tiny bit of light is huge.
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Aug 1, 2020 01:18
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My husband keeps getting mad at me and insisting our (almost 14 month old) daughter is sleep regressing because she’s been up every 1-2 hours tonight needing to be held. She would let me put her down again after a few minutes earlier in the night but now that we’re close to her usual wake time she just screams. She’s really sick, though. She was running a 102F fever all day even with Tylenol and was miserably not herself. Per her doctors recommendation we have to get her a covid test later this morning. How can you let a sick baby cry? Like this night has been absolute hell for me, but if you pick her up you can feel how warm her little body is.
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Aug 1, 2020 10:15
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Uhhh yeah keep on doing what you’re doing. If you did what your partner wanted then you risk your kid’s fever spiking without you knowing. I have a coworker that walked into their kids room in the middle of the night to find the kid having a febrile seizure. The rules go out the window when your kid is sick. A 102 fever is definitely something to watch closely. Like sleep training is important but sometimes being a parent means only getting 3 hrs of sleep and sleeping on the floor next to your kids crib.
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Aug 1, 2020 11:55
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I hope your coworker’s kid was okay, that’s terrifying. We are all in a one bedroom apartment so if she makes any kind of noise I do hear her, and it’s been a rough couple of days. But he reliably will get these ideas into his head like I’m “coddling” her by holding her when she’s sick, even though she’s been doing really well sleeping through the night the past few weeks, or that it’s “too cold” with the air blowing on her even though I set the wall unit at the gentlest strength and the room temperature says 70F and she sleeps in long sleeved pajamas and a woolino. And then no matter what I say I’m wrong. I know everyone is sleep deprived but I am so frustrated. Thankfully she doesn’t seem to have a fever this morning so I’m hoping we’re going to be on the other end of this thing soon. A Game of Chess fucked around with this message at 12:52 on Aug 1, 2020 |
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Aug 1, 2020 12:47
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A Game of Chess posted:I know everyone is sleep deprived but I am so frustrated. Maybe you can put a white noise machine (or phone app) by the couch and take turns sleeping there a few nights if you need to catch up on sleep. I have a folding mattress for that purpose, in fact.
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Aug 1, 2020 13:15
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I wish that worked for me. We had to sleep on the couch for a week or so when we were sleep training her most recently, I have a really hard time getting a good night’s sleep there, it’s just not very comfortable. I may have him sleep out there tonight though.
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Aug 1, 2020 13:36
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Anybody have recommendations for a kids reading light? My 4yo keeps turning on her room light at night to read, so I'd like something a little more nighttime appropriate that doesn't wake her brother.
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Aug 1, 2020 14:01
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A Game of Chess posted:My husband keeps getting mad at me and insisting our (almost 14 month old) daughter is sleep regressing because she’s been up every 1-2 hours tonight needing to be held. She would let me put her down again after a few minutes earlier in the night but now that we’re close to her usual wake time she just screams. I am a huge evangelist for sleep training and think it's important to say that you cannot coddle a 14 month old baby. Jesus. We sleep trained our kid early (she's about a month older than yours) but if she is sick or teething and up in the night after giving her a few minutes to see if she's just whining to herself, one of us will get up and snuggle for a while. I was very strict about safe sleep thru 12 months (and still am while she's in a crib) but when when we were rocking an ear infection while popping 3 teeth at once, I definitely snoozed with the baby in the nursery recliner when she got up in the middle of the night instead of trying to get her back down.
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Aug 1, 2020 15:11
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We went through a stage of recurring ear infections and she wouldn’t sleep laying down because it was so painful. We took turns letting her sleep on us in the recliner. It did not mess up her sleep after she felt better more than 2 days. We kept as close to her sleep routine as we could then went back to it 100% when she was all better.
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Aug 1, 2020 16:41
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Yeah this is definitely the kind of day I wish I could have her safely sleep in the bed with us (it’s only a double, my husband rolls over a lot in his sleep). Yesterday I did snooze in the chair with her for a bit because I’m exhausted. I’m going to have to show him some of the posts because now that she’s back in daycare and finally starting to get more teeth I don’t want to keep having this argument over and over again. I think we just were raised really differently. He didn’t even want to give her Tylenol today because she didn’t have a fever when she woke up in the morning and he argues with me every time I want to give her Motrin if it seems like she’s cutting a tooth.
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Aug 1, 2020 17:29
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A Game of Chess posted:I’m going to have to show him some of the posts because now that she’s back in daycare and finally starting to get more teeth I don’t want to keep having this argument over and over again. If you’re just starting daycare then you’re both gonna have to get ready for constant sickness, especially for their first flu season at daycare. At around the same age my daughter had a new cold/flu every week for well over one month and it was certainly the most miserable period of my life since I usually got whatever she had - but I did what I had to do to make sure she felt safe. To be clear, leaving a sick child to “cry it out” isn’t sleep training, it’s bad parenting.
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Aug 1, 2020 18:34
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She was in daycare from 3 months - 9 months so we’ve experienced it before. Both her and I were basically sick that entire time. Neither of us was sick while we were home. Idk if he thought she’d gotten over the immune system issues and wouldn’t get sick again, again or not.
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Aug 1, 2020 20:00
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Just another voice in the chorus saying comforting a sick child is not coddling, and giving a child pain relief when they are in pain is not a mark of weak parenting. I think your husband would really benefit from hearing opinions from outside of his own head or family unit. We do not leave our 20 month old son crying in his bed when he's sick - he starts the night in his cot but generally ends up in our bed and we take turns cuddling him and propping him up or whatever it is he needs to be comfortable and finally sleep.
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Aug 1, 2020 23:45
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Just dropping in to say that sleep training has been a smashing success. Now just working on weaning the feeds at night. We also just started solids.Pandemic excitement!
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Aug 2, 2020 00:37
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A Game of Chess posted:Yeah this is definitely the kind of day I wish I could have her safely sleep in the bed with us (it’s only a double, my husband rolls over a lot in his sleep). Yesterday I did snooze in the chair with her for a bit because I’m exhausted. Be gentle with yourselves. Sleep deprivation is difficult to say the least. But also like... He needs to be reasonable. I have the cold my kid is getting over and I am having trouble sleeping as a full rear end adult that can blow my nose. They are tiny humans, not machines you can put in a cheat code and solve the problem. I really believe that sleep training is a gift for you and your kid but it doesn't mean that you never comfort your kid at night time either. Re: teeth, I give Tylenol before bed if I even have a suspicion of teething.
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Aug 2, 2020 00:44
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ThirstyBuck posted:Just dropping in to say that sleep training has been a smashing success. Now just working on weaning the feeds at night.  So glad to hear it. Our kid ended up dropping her night feeds on her own by just not waking up, so hopefully it won't be too difficult for you. And yay solids!
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Aug 2, 2020 00:48
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Tamarillo posted:Just another voice in the chorus saying comforting a sick child is not coddling, and giving a child pain relief when they are in pain is not a mark of weak parenting. not going to defend the guy, just going to try to save him from Internet Rage: it's REALLY hard to consider anything that might conceivably make sleep worse. With our first, I got to watch the 4-month regression drive my wife nearly insane. We were exclusively breastfeeding at the time, and she had supply issues (so bottle feeding was not in the cards), and she had just gone back to work. At one point she was waking up every hour or two to comfort nurse our daughter back to sleep. Which obviously was not the right answer, but it was all we could figure out to do in our sleep-deprived minds. I would have fought tooth and nail anything that would have risked the sleep training that we forced ourselves through soon after. Our second is just now 3 months old and is not a great sleeper, and my wife goes back to work in 4 weeks. I'm worried what the future holds.
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Aug 2, 2020 01:47
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I think you should absolutely sleep train around 4-6 months. But understand that things change when baby is sick.
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Aug 2, 2020 02:09
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I don't think anyone is internet raging but if your kid has a 102 degree fever and your arguing with your partner about wanting to go comfort them, you may need to take a step back and rethink. Again, I love sleep training. We sleep trained young. My kid cried plenty when figuring it out. But she wasn't sick or in pain.
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Aug 2, 2020 17:52
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