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Yea, the movie is good, the books, less so.
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Jul 19, 2020 06:38
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Crucifix Nail Nipples Post by an editor about the worst novel to ever cross her desk
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Jul 26, 2020 05:55
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HelleSpud posted:Crucifix Nail Nipples I'm a big fan of the part where apparently the heroine just regularly has rapist hobos climbing her fire escape trying to break in, such that her vampire boyfriend can save her from them repeatedly
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Jul 26, 2020 06:12
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HelleSpud posted:Crucifix Nail Nipples Maybe it's just this editor making it sound like My Immortal, but I swear, right up until the part about True Love making sex before marriage ok, I thought this was someone's Twilight satire fanfic they'd sent into a publisher for shits and giggles.
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Jul 26, 2020 06:35
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I mean yea, that's basically what it was. If you are a hack, and copy something popular in a terrible way but it hits so close to home that people draw awkward comparisons to the source work, could it be considered unintentional satire? Also my favorite bit was quote:because sex before marriage which was done out of True Love is not a sin, so she is still a spiritual virgin and I’ll be honest, I started drinking heavily at this point and it’s all a bit of a blur.
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Jul 26, 2020 07:22
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Twilight is just kind of an archetype, the troubled powerful bad boy is more or less the counterpart to the manic pixie dream girl.
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Jul 26, 2020 08:01
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there wolf posted:END ME SCOOB's Sword of Truth one is pretty great. Good balance of actual text and Scoob breaking things down and pointing dumb poo poo out. I've got to thank you for this recommendation; this thread has been an incredibly satisfying read (so much so that I've neglected my duties a bit!) and I'm nowhere near finished with it. The Let's Read for Unintended Consequences sounds grand, but I ended up discovering it was in Archives and I'm dang sure not spending any money on the site (nor am I asking anyone to, either; I am spoiled for choice w/ good reads right now). I did discover yesterday that there's an in-group term for that genre of fiction that basically exists to congratulate fretting white supremacists and doomsday preppers: SHTF Fiction. And there is a god damned lot of it.
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Jul 28, 2020 17:07
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Pastry of the Year posted:I've got to thank you for this recommendation; this thread has been an incredibly satisfying read (so much so that I've neglected my duties a bit!) and I'm nowhere near finished with it. I admit I just kind of assumed that when someone got buttons archives and PMs came along for the ride.
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Jul 28, 2020 17:29
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Lemniscate Blue posted:I admit I just kind of assumed that when someone got buttons archives and PMs came along for the ride. My understanding is that in the rare instance someone without plat gets buttons, an admin flips that switch for them, since PMs are pretty fundamental to the task.
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Jul 28, 2020 17:32
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this is definitely not the worst book I've ever read, but I was really, really disappointed after hearing such good things about Nathan Ballingrud - i suppose the bar is very low for genre fiction because there's a lot of trash horror novels out there and he's doing something a bit better than that at least but: 1. great kites of flesh stretch between tree limbs 2. Limbs were broken and reconfigured, bone grafted to bone, kites of skin stretched taut. 3. The dreams given to us by the Maggot, replete with images of sloughing flesh and great, black kites riding silently along the night’s air currents 4. There were more torsos like the ones they had just seen strung like bunting from one side of the street to the other, each one tuned to a different pitch; great kites of skin flapped tautly in similar fashion this is in a very short collection of stories, i feel like his editor did him a disservice by not giving him a heads up that he keeps talking about kites so much
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Jul 28, 2020 19:25
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ulex minor posted:this is definitely not the worst book I've ever read, but I was really, really disappointed after hearing such good things about Nathan Ballingrud - i suppose the bar is very low for genre fiction because there's a lot of trash horror novels out there and he's doing something a bit better than that at least but: In fairness, those are all from "Flights of Fancy: A Kitepunk Anthology".
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Jul 28, 2020 20:16
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SiKboy posted:In fairness, those are all from "Flights of Fancy: A Kitepunk Anthology". that would have been a much better name for the collection
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Jul 28, 2020 21:03
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Not exactly the same as a Let's Read but Jenny Nicholson has done a couple of bad book reads videos. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=qMgMr0JcYJ4 Jenny reads "Trigger Warning" about a bad rear end vet who takes down terrorists who take over a campus. This one is worth watching for the absolutely insane twist regarding the author. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=TJGm8Sj7Qn8 Jenny reads "Black Moon Rising" which is definitely not someone's slash fic about Kylo Ren and Rey from Star Wars with the names changed.
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Jul 28, 2020 21:03
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muscles like this! posted:Not exactly the same as a Let's Read but Jenny Nicholson has done a couple of bad book reads videos. Is the twist that the actual writer is the credited author’s niece since he’s been dead for a decade+, or is there a twist on top of that?
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Jul 28, 2020 21:24
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That's the one, because at this point why even keep up the charade?
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Jul 28, 2020 22:37
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ulex minor posted:this is definitely not the worst book I've ever read, but I was really, really disappointed after hearing such good things about Nathan Ballingrud - i suppose the bar is very low for genre fiction because there's a lot of trash horror novels out there and he's doing something a bit better than that at least but: https://i.imgur.com/f3XJEat.mp4
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Jul 29, 2020 00:51
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I kind of want to make an effortpost about noted lovely book The Taking but that's a lot of... effort.
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Jul 29, 2020 00:58
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One thing I do in long running threads is check my post history to make sure I'm not mentioning something I've brought up before and doing it for this thread I discovered a post from 2015 about how The Kingkiller Chronicles still hasn't released the third book in the trilogy and now, five years later it still hasn't come out. Fantasy authors are the worst some times.
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Jul 29, 2020 02:09
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muscles like this! posted:Fantasy authors are the worst.
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Jul 29, 2020 02:12
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muscles like this! posted:One thing I do in long running threads is check my post history to make sure I'm not mentioning something I've brought up before and doing it for this thread I discovered a post from 2015 about how The Kingkiller Chronicles still hasn't released the third book in the trilogy and now, five years later it still hasn't come out. Fantasy authors are the worst some times. It’s why I don’t start any long series that aren’t either already done or written by Brandon Sanderson anymore. You’d think when writing is your job you’d try to keep at least a little on schedule.
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Jul 29, 2020 02:24
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Basically if it takes longer than two years for a sequel to come out it ain't happening chief. (The exception is if the author puts out another book in that time period.)
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Jul 29, 2020 02:29
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muscles like this! posted:One thing I do in long running threads is check my post history to make sure I'm not mentioning something I've brought up before and doing it for this thread I discovered a post from 2015 about how The Kingkiller Chronicles still hasn't released the third book in the trilogy and now, five years later it still hasn't come out. Fantasy authors are the worst some times. Honestly not having any more Rothfuss inflicted on the world is a net good for humanity.
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Jul 29, 2020 02:58
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muscles like this! posted:One thing I do in long running threads is check my post history to make sure I'm not mentioning something I've brought up before and doing it for this thread I discovered a post from 2015 about how The Kingkiller Chronicles still hasn't released the third book in the trilogy and now, five years later it still hasn't come out. Fantasy authors are the worst some times. Fantasy authors tend to lean a lot on anticipation. It's like Lost, they're getting you to invest in what might happen. So when Neil Gaiman defended GRR Martin by saying that he didn't owe anyone anything? He didn't, but he had borrowed heavily against the future. Would people have read his work if they knew it wouldn't be finished 20 years later and might never be finished?
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Jul 29, 2020 06:21
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Rothfuss also claimed that he had the whole trilogy finished when the first book hit, iirc, which is such a basic stupid lie but is still audacious. I'm sure he was using the gifted-kid logic of "I can procrastinate until the 11th hour and then my ~genius brain~ will make magic words flow, just like always happened with homework."
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Jul 29, 2020 06:31
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Antivehicular posted:Rothfuss also claimed that he had the whole trilogy finished when the first book hit, iirc, which is such a basic stupid lie but is still audacious. I'm sure he was using the gifted-kid logic of "I can procrastinate until the 11th hour and then my ~genius brain~ will make magic words flow, just like always happened with homework." He's said a lot. His editor, a highly regarded professional in the industry, recently said she hasn't seen a single word from him since 2013 and she's pretty sure he doesn't want to be a writer anymore. I don't know if he's responded yet or if he's too busy drawing down a six figure salary from his "charity" to care.
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Jul 29, 2020 07:38
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packetmantis posted:I kind of want to make an effortpost about noted lovely book The Taking but that's a lot of... effort. please do
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Jul 29, 2020 08:10
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Captain Monkey posted:Honestly not having any more Rothfuss inflicted on the world is a net good for humanity. Rothfuss isn't even the worst though, at least he didn't write The Belgariad
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Jul 29, 2020 08:13
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ulex minor posted:Rothfuss isn't even the worst though, at least he didn't write The Belgariad Or keep children locked in a cage in his basement. Or be a pedo and/or a nazi. Or worship Ayn Rand. Writing (and then not writing) some bloated, overrated books; and having an annoying online persona? Not bad enough to walk among the truly bad. Not by far.
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Jul 29, 2020 11:01
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Just because an author isn't David Eddings or Marion Zimmer Bradley doesn't mean they are a good person by default.
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Jul 29, 2020 12:45
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Inspector Gesicht posted:Just because an author isn't David Eddings or Marion Zimmer Bradley doesn't mean they are a good person by default. Well no; same as how not being literally Hitler does not make a politician good. Just, there is a vast spectrum of mediocrity and degrees of ordinary badness before you approach the neighbourhood of "worst ever".
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Jul 29, 2020 13:00
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What did David Eddings do? I thought he just wrote mediocre fantasy sagas. Edit: Ah, child abuse. Wikipedia just buries that in a short paragraph in his biography. SimonChris has a new favorite as of 13:23 on Jul 29, 2020 |
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Jul 29, 2020 13:20
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SimonChris posted:What did David Eddings do? I thought he just wrote mediocre fantasy sagas. “The couple adopted one boy in 1966, Scott David.[9][10] They adopted a younger girl between 1966 and 1969.[10] In 1969 they lost custody of both children and each were sentenced to a year in jail from separate trials after pleading guilty to child abuse.[11][12] Though the nature of the abuse, the trial and the sentencing were all extensively reported in North Dakota newspapers at the time, these details did not resurface during their successful joint career as fantasy authors, only coming to light several years after both had died.” https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/David_Eddings
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Jul 29, 2020 13:23
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Groke posted:Or keep children locked in a cage in his basement. Or be a pedo and/or a nazi. Or worship Ayn Rand. I was just talking about his writing though. It’s bad.
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Jul 29, 2020 15:22
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Pastry of the Year posted:I've got to thank you for this recommendation; this thread has been an incredibly satisfying read (so much so that I've neglected my duties a bit!) and I'm nowhere near finished with it. After reading True Allegiance, I decided to get myself a copy of an even worse book. I'll do threads on both at some point (when I'm not already doing two simultaneously), but it manages to be even worse. That's because this book is Only by Blood and Suffering: Regaining Lost Freedom by LaVoy Finicum. Yes, the infamous Tarp Ghost of the Malheur Wildlife Refuge occupation, the sole casualty of the event after he attempted to run a roadblock and then make the slowest quick-draw in history on FBI and state troopers. The book is...illuminating. It makes it very obvious that Finicum was not just a true believer, but an absolute psychopath. The protagonist is like an idealized version of himself and provides a basis for his belief that he could go out guns blazing and win. It's a post-apocalyptic novel about the children of a Totally Not Mormon prepper and rancher in southern Utah who journey to his ranch after a nuclear EMP knocks out electronics in the entire country. * Cat, the only one to move to Albuquerque to live with their mother (who valued her career more than prepping), who flees after civil unrest caused by China not buying our debt causes a gang to use SWAT tactics to break into their house and kill Mom (who is never named by any character). She then proceeds to walk back to the ranch using supply caches they buried every 50 miles along I-75, which is in the wrong direction to get to Utah but still somehow works. * Dan, the non-believer from San Diego who realizes too late that his dad was right all along about doomsday prepping being the way to go and gets stuck with his wife and two kids on the highway. After society instantly reverts to raiders and a barter system (silver is also acceptable currency) within hours of the cars being hit by the EMP, they trade for bicycles and use them to travel through the Grand Canyon to get to the ranch in a really roundabout and pointless route. Their baby dies for no reason on the way, and they decide to transport the body to the ranch for burial by making sure the corpse is buried in the snow at every stop to make camp. * HayLee-H and KayLee-K (named after Robert E. Lee), the twins in Provo who took dad's advice to heart and are thus a pair of badass hot blondes who play basketball and remorselessly gun down raiders who break into their hotel room on the first night of the apocalypse. All of the characters speak with incredibly bizarre cadence, to the point where it's barely noticeable that the dad's new Navajo love interest is speaking in a stereotypical "Indian princess who speaks English in the Wild West" manner. They go off on tangents out of nowhere to describe Finicum's political beliefs; at one point the helpful boater transporting Dan and his family up the river starts ranting about how it's unfair that raw milk is banned and that we need to legalize drugs but also not provide any help for addicts because that's their own problem. Everyone laments that nobody is self-sufficient like everyone back in the 19th century and that's why we'll all starve when the EMP disables every delivery truck in the country. It takes place in a near future where the Democrats won every election and immediately revoked the Second Amendment, so now only criminals and preppers have guns. Within a week, there are multiple bands of roving cannibals in New Mexico. The children all arrive to the ranch at about the midpoint of the book (which is under 300 pages) and it's abruptly revealed that the nuke was a plot by The Society who secretly controls everything to destroy the world and rule over the ashes; somehow they have enough power to arrange for World War III to happen, but just want to rule harder I guess. The Department of Homeland Security agent Zackary Williams (who is the son of the town bishop where the book takes place) is actually a (((Society))) agent who recruited the most violent prisoners in the county to disguise as National Guard soldiers and take over the towns as the new base for their New World Order. Everyone is divided into lists based on their usefulness to them, and all the criminals, alcoholics, porn addicts, socialists, etc. are forcibly drafted into the DHS army on the threat of having their food rations canceled if they don't comply. When the mayor of the town tries to consolidate resources to make sure everyone is provided for, Cowboy Dad bursts into the meeting with an AR-15 and begins yelling that ain't no commie taking his cattle, and all anyone has to do is ask and he'll freely provide for the needy (when they actually do ask he makes them work for their keep so he just ends up being in charge like the government he hates). All the ranchers and farmers band together on his ranch to hoard their resources and only give it to people who are part of their group, and this is painted as a good thing. The feds thus begin preparing to raid the ranch. The raid goes extremely badly because the soldiers don't have any tactics except making a screaming frontal charge across a hundred yards of open ground directly into the defenses with no covering fire. After HayLee-H is killed, Cowboy Dad goes on a rampage slaughtering the surviving soldiers. He makes the survivors swear never to raise arms against him again and admit that socialism is a fraud, and gives one of them some cattle to become a prepper himself as long as he brings him the mayor. He then declares the mayor guilty of murder because she didn't join his side and so technically the conflict is her fault and hangs her in front of the starving townsfolk before telling them to never speak to him again. An entire chapter is then dedicated to him ruminating on all of the murders he's committed and declaring that he feels no guilt because God's laws supersede man's laws and everything he did was justifiable. Zackary Williams takes his last lieutenants to raid his ranch and in the end, the severely wounded Cowboy Dad kills them all by quick-drawing with his Single Action Army and headshotting all of them. Then his dutiful Navajo girlfriend, who politely stays in the barn instead of the house and just quietly cooks for everyone, rescues him. The end. chitoryu12 has a new favorite as of 18:56 on Jul 29, 2020 |
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Jul 29, 2020 18:54
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chitoryu12 posted:* HayLee-H and KayLee-K (named after Robert E. Lee), the twins in Provo who took dad's advice to heart and are thus a pair of badass hot blondes who play basketball and remorselessly gun down raiders who break into their hotel room on the first night of the apocalypse. Getting some Day by Day flashbacks. Also Navajo girlfriend is totally playing the long game, waiting for these hicks to gather all their resources and off the government forces before she poisons them all. Now I could have sworn someone recced this when Pastry was asking for bad book stuff, but Jenny Nicholson's takedown of Black Moon Rising, a Relyo fanfic someone Fifity-shaded into a novel is pretty enjoyable. The protagonist is described at one point as an opaque lens.
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Jul 30, 2020 12:56
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chitoryu12 posted:
That's not just the wrong direction, it's the wrong part of the country. I-75 runs from Florida to Michigan.
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Jul 30, 2020 13:05
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Senior Woodchuck posted:That's not just the wrong direction, it's the wrong part of the country. I-75 runs from Florida to Michigan. Okay, I misremembered which highway goes where. She takes the I-40 directly west, when the location of the ranch is northwest of her.
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Jul 30, 2020 13:31
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Captain Monkey posted:I was just talking about his writing though. Still talking about Rothfuss, right? I read both of his books, years ago when each came out. Thought the first one started out promising and entertaining enough, then things got gradually less good and by the time I was done with the second I realized I'd probably never bother with #3. Not that it seems likely to come out. Characters are ridiculous, plot is pointlessly convoluted, setting kind of meh, most of the actual prose I can't remember anything about. Have read much worse but can't say it was good.
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Jul 30, 2020 14:25
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Groke posted:Still talking about Rothfuss, right? Which part of the first one did you like? The part in the very beginning where some super uber demon annoys him and he grabs the bar top and is so cool and mystical and powerful that he leaves fingerprints in the metal of the bartop and growls ‘you wouldn’t like me when I’m angry’? Or the part where, as a six year old who had just learned to read, he became a world class gymnast and also was accidentally so good at magic he almost hurt himself but instead was just the most special magician ever on top of being a world class acrobat, thief, and all around popular guy? Or... actually I stopped reading when he was instantly so good at magic after hearing about it once while part of a traveling troubadour troupe that he controlled all the wind at once and almost got a boo boo. poo poo was bad, yo.
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Jul 30, 2020 18:28
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Captain Monkey posted:Which part of the first one did you like? There was a cool part in the middle where he got into the magic school he had to support himself as some kind of amateur artificer and occasional musician that I thought was a cool slice of life thing you don’t see often enough in fantasy. Would have been a good short story if there was a plot arc to it.
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Jul 30, 2020 18:37
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