Bad Fantasy Books (Dragonlance, Pern, Xanth, and more)

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Bad Fantasy Books (Dragonlance, Pern, Xanth, and more)

ChubbyChecker: Mar 25, 2018

WeedlordGoku69 posted:

also, uh, don't read this book. I had to jog my memory real quick to make sure I was thinking of the right one (it's actually called Grunts), and

to give you an idea, the author appears to think the idea of an orc raping an elf child to death, to the point of "splitting" the elf, is the funniest thing ever

it's over-the-top edgy to borderline levels and not good enough to be worth it

whats the deal with fantasy authors

# ? Aug 28, 2020 23:25

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# ? May 29, 2024 07:04

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Just wait till you get into scifi authors :gonk:

# ? Aug 28, 2020 23:28

Ramc: May 4, 2008; Bringing your thread to a screeching halt, guaranteed.

Colonel Cancer posted:

Just wait till you get into scifi authors

if you want to come to the frank herbert freeclimbing appreciation station there is always The Dune Thread here on gbs

# ? Aug 28, 2020 23:51

sweet geek swag: Mar 29, 2006; Adjust lasers to FUN!

Does scifi have anyone worse than Marion Zimmer Bradley?

# ? Aug 29, 2020 00:03

Bismuth: Jun 11, 2010; by Azathoth; Hell Gem

Zeniel posted:

I bought a good chunk of the legend of Drizzt books back in my early 20s. I didn't really mind them, never really got the ire people gave R.A. Salvatore. He at least wasn't a massive sex pest like some fantasy authors at the very least and his characters are fun and memorable. People do say his books had really good fight scenes in them but honestly my eyes would always glaze over everytime one started. I rather enjoyed them otherwise, they aren't high art, but I do enjoy the parts of the FR setting that he writes about. Also Jarlaxle is the best drow character. Anyway, could an elf named Asterion, truly be an elf in the Faerun setting, or was he perhaps adopted? Discuss.

I read these books in elementary and middle school and loooooved them but yeah even then that ONE character grated on me

NC Wyeth Death Cult posted:

Pre-9/11 Salvatore was all about how race and environment doesn't necessarily shape a character's alignment. Post-9/11 Salvatore was all about "good" supremacy and how evil followers of evil gods do evil things.

It's hilarious because he spends thousands of pages trying to get across how his main character shouldn't be judged by the color of his skin and race and thousands more telling you why you should never trust elves with dark skin because they are raised to be psychopathic murder machines.

Oh boy, I never made the connection...that sucks lmao

# ? Aug 29, 2020 00:14

Raiad: Feb 1, 2005; Without the law, there wouldn't be lawyers.

i thought catti-brie's whole thing was being mad that drizzt and generic paternal dwarf guy approached the mass slaughter of humanoids like typical d&d characters while they shrugged and were like "women, amirite?"

so i guess her embracing outright genocide reads almost like a natural character progression

# ? Aug 29, 2020 00:44

Clark Nova: Jul 18, 2004

WeedlordGoku69 posted:

also, uh, don't read this book. I had to jog my memory real quick to make sure I was thinking of the right one (it's actually called Grunts), and

to give you an idea, the author appears to think the idea of an orc raping an elf child to death, to the point of "splitting" the elf, is the funniest thing ever

it's over-the-top edgy to borderline levels and not good enough to be worth it

yeesh, I bounced off this like a chapter or two in and never got to that part. Kind of a shame because the same lady wrote Golden Witchbreed, which is halfway decent 80's LeGuin-inspired fantasy/sci-fi

# ? Aug 29, 2020 00:53

HelloIAmYourHeart: Dec 29, 2008; Fallen Rib

Slippery posted:

I absolutely loved Going Postal, and I think its standalone nature might help someone decide if they want to get deeper into Discworld. Granted it doesn't have a lot of the 'standard' Discworld characters of course, but it's amazing and owns.

I just finished rereading Going Postal last night (thanks to recent postal events in the US) and found it just as delightful this time. I think the fact that Moist is a new character in a clearly well-established existing world AND a stranger to Ankh-Morpork himself would be nice for a new reader.

Edit: the title mentions Pern, what about McCaffrey's other series? Acorna the unicorn girl, some thing about sentient spaceships (possibly the same series)

HelloIAmYourHeart fucked around with this message at 01:42 on Aug 29, 2020

# ? Aug 29, 2020 01:40

Mad Hamish: Jun 15, 2008; WILL AMOUNT TO NOTHING IN LIFE.

WeedlordGoku69 posted:

also, uh, don't read this book. I had to jog my memory real quick to make sure I was thinking of the right one (it's actually called Grunts), and

to give you an idea, the author appears to think the idea of an orc raping an elf child to death, to the point of "splitting" the elf, is the funniest thing ever

it's over-the-top edgy to borderline levels and not good enough to be worth it

I mean, they're literally Tolkien-style orcs, they're horrible monsters and that's what they do.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 01:44

Bismuth: Jun 11, 2010; by Azathoth; Hell Gem

Mad Hamish posted:

I mean, they're literally Tolkien-style orcs, they're horrible monsters and that's what they do.

Weird that tolkien was able to get their nature across without violent child rape, almost like its 100% unnecessary and gross

# ? Aug 29, 2020 01:49

Nigmaetcetera: Nov 17, 2004; borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

Mad Hamish posted:

I mean, they're literally Tolkien-style orcs, they're horrible monsters and that's what they do.

In Grunts! they�re also US marines, so there�s that, too.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 01:50

Zeniel: Oct 18, 2013

Bismuth posted:

Oh boy, I never made the connection...that sucks lmao

God dammit, did 9/11 break everyones brain?

# ? Aug 29, 2020 02:16

CPA Hell: Apr 15, 2007; I like to press the number six!

Shageletic posted:

Impossible to decipher what the gently caress was happening in that movie

Read the book. Most of the �fights� are just threatening posturing. Also, you find out after every hostile encounter or tense discussion that something more important was happening that the narrator was complete unaware of at the time.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 02:51

Pot Smoke Phoenix: Aug 15, 2007; Smoke 'em if you gottem!; Dinosaur Gum

If you've never read the "Ring of Allaire" series by Susan Dexter I understand, because she was drowned out by all of the other bad poo poo in the 80s, so go read the series now.

Also, gently caress you if you have beef with Jim Butcher.

Or Larry Correia, for that matter.

P.S.: Here's my Sig for no reason!

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# ? Aug 29, 2020 02:55

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

HelloIAmYourHeart posted:

I just finished rereading Going Postal last night (thanks to recent postal events in the US) and found it just as delightful this time. I think the fact that Moist is a new character in a clearly well-established existing world AND a stranger to Ankh-Morpork himself would be nice for a new reader.

Edit: the title mentions Pern, what about McCaffrey's other series? Acorna the unicorn girl, some thing about sentient spaceships (possibly the same series)

I remember Acorna but never read beyond the first one. And wasn't there a whole series about the ships being alive and being in love with their commanders or something?

# ? Aug 29, 2020 02:57

Flared Basic Bitch: Feb 22, 2005; Invading your personal space since 1968.

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

Also, gently caress you if you have beef with Jim Butcher.

I read more than one coughsixcough before I realized I was reading a virgin nerd�s version of harlequin romances.

I�m not good at picking good books.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 03:00

Bismuth: Jun 11, 2010; by Azathoth; Hell Gem

Cowslips Warren posted:

I remember Acorna but never read beyond the first one. And wasn't there a whole series about the ships being alive and being in love with their commanders or something?

She just couldnt stop writing about people riding sentient sexmobiles could she

# ? Aug 29, 2020 03:03

Bell_: Sep 3, 2006; Tiny Baltimore
A billion light years away
A goon's posting the same thing
But he's already turned to dust
And the shitpost we read
Is a billion light-years old
A ghost just like the rest of us

sweet geek swag posted:

Does scifi have anyone worse than Marion Zimmer Bradley?

Years ago in the army, some dude handed me a book some years ago called The Door into Summer by Heinlein about some guy getting screwed over by his fiance going under cryo sleep and getting even via some sort of chronological shenanigans. Neat. Too bad it didn't have the same guy falling for his step daughter and shenaniganning his way to a happily ever after with her.

I can't remember if the dude handing me the book was the one that ended up going to prison for CP or the MRA dipshit fascinated with the Twilight novels or some other dipshit, but gently caress any and all of them for sending me that one.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 03:16

twistedmentat: Nov 21, 2003; Its my party
and I'll die if
I want to

Dom Noble recently did some videos on Earthsea and as my only exposure was with the boring tv mini series that from those vids have shown was an awful adaption. I'm going to have to give them a read at some point.

But holy poo poo I read a ton of the stuff discussed hear when I was a teen and into my 20s. When you're a weird nerd kid you end up alone and reading is a good way to pass the time before phones, and you eventually just end up reading anything you can get your hands on. I didn't like Dragonlance because even at like 13 I hated the Kinder. Forgotten Realms was my jam though. I started with the Drizzt novels but read a lot of the other ones as well. Big fan of that series that was about the gods being tossed out of their realms and ended up with a bunch of the characters replacing them. I'd probably find them garbage today though.

Goons are forgetting that Cattie-Brie talked with a Claremont level phonetic accent.

Xanth though, I read ALL of those stupid books up until Giest of the Gargoyle when I realized how stupid they were. Just puns and juvenile humor all over the place. The only thing that gets a chuckle out of me these days is the fact Xanth is literally Florida.

Eddings I enjoyed the last time I read the Garion novels, which was about 10 years ago. There isn't any creepy sex stuff, but he does love that "all members of a race are the same" thing that sorta works in games, but not in reality. I guess when you explicitly say each race was created by their patron god that can make sense, but still. The fact the world it takes place in is technically post apocalyptic is a cool idea, but there wasn't enough of that idea.

I never read Pern, because the concept just seemed bad to me. I did read some of McCaffrey's sci fi books though.

Someone that hasn't been talked about is Raymond E Fiest. His first stuff, the Riftwar books are very similar to Eddings, but the invaders from another world and them being a much different culture, even if it was just Japan mixed with Aztecs, interacting with the standard Europeans was at least different. Funny thing about it is you can see him understand what he's writing a lot more, and the second major series, the Serpent War, is way better written. The forth book gets pretty weird though.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 04:33

WeedlordGoku69: Feb 12, 2015; by Cyrano4747

Mad Hamish posted:

I mean, they're literally Tolkien-style orcs, they're horrible monsters and that's what they do.

... I must have missed the part where Tolkien was like "AND VERILY THE ORCS OF SAURON DOTH RAMPAGED AROUND RAPING THE CHILDREN OF FEANOR TO DEATH" :psyduck:

Like, the problem isn't that the orcs are evil, it's that the book is way unnecessarily OTT edgy in making them evil

# ? Aug 29, 2020 04:37

Ohthehugemanatee: Oct 18, 2005

sweet geek swag posted:

Does scifi have anyone worse than Marion Zimmer Bradley?

Hubbard?

# ? Aug 29, 2020 04:50

Bismuth: Jun 11, 2010; by Azathoth; Hell Gem

twistedmentat posted:

I never read Pern, because the concept just seemed bad to me. I did read some of McCaffrey's sci fi books though.

Pern is a sci-fi book, and takes place in the same universe as her other sci-fi books. The people of Pern were part of a space-faring federation from earth that colonized Pern (despite how loving stupid of an idea that was) and then somehow forgot about most of their technology because they're the galaxy's dumbest assholes.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 05:03

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Flared Basic Bitch posted:

I read more than one coughsixcough before I realized I was reading a virgin nerd’s version of harlequin romances.

I’m not good at picking good books.

Butcher is cringy nerd bait.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 06:04

A Sometimes Food: Dec 8, 2010

I might be misremembering not having read them for like two decades, but I think the Pern colonists were explicitly like wannabe space Amish trying to go back to "simpler times" and just kinda ignoring what they're damning their descendants to without their consent. Then after they'd destroyed most of their advanced equipment the space rain happened and they went with the bizarre dragon plan cause I guess the biotech stuff hadn't been shuttered yet?

# ? Aug 29, 2020 06:13

Bismuth: Jun 11, 2010; by Azathoth; Hell Gem

A Sometimes Food posted:

I might be misremembering not having read them for like two decades, but I think the Pern colonists were explicitly like wannabe space Amish trying to go back to "simpler times" and just kinda ignoring what they're damning their descendants to without their consent. Then after they'd destroyed most of their advanced equipment the space rain happened and they went with the bizarre dragon plan cause I guess the biotech stuff hadn't been shuttered yet?

They knew about the thread within months of landing and instead of leaving they told their supercomputer to find a solution, then a volcano buried the computer in ash and they just...didnt dig it out.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 06:35

Weka: May 5, 2019; That child totally had it coming. Nobody should be able to be out at dusk except cars.

Nigmaetcetera posted:

mad hamish posted:
I mean, they're literally Tolkien-style orcs, they're horrible monsters and that's what they do.

In Grunts! they�re also US marines, so there�s that, too.

They're horrible monsters and that's what they do.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 09:13

LeisureSuit Canary: Dec 27, 2012

CPA Hell posted:

Read the book. Most of the “fights” are just threatening posturing. Also, you find out after every hostile encounter or tense discussion that something more important was happening that the narrator was complete unaware of at the time.

I could deal with the narrator being away from the fight.

The part that bugged me was the whole clairvoyance and predictions of the watch's bosses. This dude kept trying to find a way to make his own choice and it felt like it was always within someone's plan.

Like I enjoyed it but it pissed me off too.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 09:56

ChubbyChecker: Mar 25, 2018

twistedmentat posted:

Dom Noble recently did some videos on Earthsea and as my only exposure was with the boring tv mini series that from those vids have shown was an awful adaption. I'm going to have to give them a read at some point.

But holy poo poo I read a ton of the stuff discussed hear when I was a teen and into my 20s. When you're a weird nerd kid you end up alone and reading is a good way to pass the time before phones, and you eventually just end up reading anything you can get your hands on. I didn't like Dragonlance because even at like 13 I hated the Kinder. Forgotten Realms was my jam though. I started with the Drizzt novels but read a lot of the other ones as well. Big fan of that series that was about the gods being tossed out of their realms and ended up with a bunch of the characters replacing them. I'd probably find them garbage today though.

Goons are forgetting that Cattie-Brie talked with a Claremont level phonetic accent.

Xanth though, I read ALL of those stupid books up until Giest of the Gargoyle when I realized how stupid they were. Just puns and juvenile humor all over the place. The only thing that gets a chuckle out of me these days is the fact Xanth is literally Florida.

Eddings I enjoyed the last time I read the Garion novels, which was about 10 years ago. There isn't any creepy sex stuff, but he does love that "all members of a race are the same" thing that sorta works in games, but not in reality. I guess when you explicitly say each race was created by their patron god that can make sense, but still. The fact the world it takes place in is technically post apocalyptic is a cool idea, but there wasn't enough of that idea.

I never read Pern, because the concept just seemed bad to me. I did read some of McCaffrey's sci fi books though.

Someone that hasn't been talked about is Raymond E Fiest. His first stuff, the Riftwar books are very similar to Eddings, but the invaders from another world and them being a much different culture, even if it was just Japan mixed with Aztecs, interacting with the standard Europeans was at least different. Funny thing about it is you can see him understand what he's writing a lot more, and the second major series, the Serpent War, is way better written. The forth book gets pretty weird though.

the earthsea adaptations are criminal

# ? Aug 29, 2020 13:21

Funky See Funky Do: Aug 20, 2013; STILL TRYING HARD

This reminded me of Victor Kelleher, an Australian fantasy author who wrote what were probably the first novels I ever read as a kid. I wonder if they'd still be readable. 9yo me sure liked them though.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 13:31

Slippery: May 16, 2004; Muscles Boxcar

Colonel Cancer posted:

Moving Pictures is also kinda like that. I just now finished going thru it for the first time since high school and honestly it didn't get any worse.

Cool, thanks for the recommendation! I'll go check that one out.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 13:39

Slippery: May 16, 2004; Muscles Boxcar

Pot Smoke Phoenix posted:

If you've never read the "Ring of Allaire" series by Susan Dexter I understand, because she was drowned out by all of the other bad poo poo in the 80s, so go read the series now.

Also, gently caress you if you have beef with Jim Butcher.

Or Larry Correia, for that matter.

P.S.: Here's my Sig for no reason!

Butcher isn't a sex weirdo or whatever I don't think but his stuff is really lame. Not terrible or offensive if I remember right but just like, very "I'm 15 and I own a trenchcoat, practice killer one liners in the mirror, and have yet to know the touch of a woman"

# ? Aug 29, 2020 13:43

CPA Hell: Apr 15, 2007; I like to press the number six!

firrup posted:

I could deal with the narrator being away from the fight.

The part that bugged me was the whole clairvoyance and predictions of the watch's bosses. This dude kept trying to find a way to make his own choice and it felt like it was always within someone's plan.

Like I enjoyed it but it pissed me off too.

Right! Like was the theme that even if you are a wizard in a modern fantasy setting with certain insights others don�t have, would you still just be a cog in the machinations of others and never really comprehend the full breadth of what�s happening?

# ? Aug 29, 2020 14:28

Galewolf: Jan 9, 2007; The human gallbladder is indeed a puzzle!

-Galewolf, long-haired Tom Green wearing platform heeled boots, and sexy Helena Bonham-Carter of Earthsea are not real, they can't hurt you.

Long haired Tom Green wearing platform heeled boots and sexy Helena Bonham-Carter of Earthsea:

Thanks, Netherlands. :v:

# ? Aug 29, 2020 17:13

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

I'm pretty sure Ged is black.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 17:15

Galewolf: Jan 9, 2007; The human gallbladder is indeed a puzzle!

Colonel Cancer posted:

I'm pretty sure Ged is black.

Not in Netherlands, he is not (apparently)

I might be wrong but he was, uh, brown? I remember something like people in Gont being "olive skinned" or "dark brown".

# ? Aug 29, 2020 17:19

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Everyone in the civilized world in earthsea is brown or black skinned and the whities are imperialist slave taker aztec-viking types who everyone hates, it owns

# ? Aug 29, 2020 17:22

Nigmaetcetera: Nov 17, 2004; borkborkborkmorkmorkmork-gabbalooins

Weka posted:

They're horrible monsters and that's what they do.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 17:23

Galewolf: Jan 9, 2007; The human gallbladder is indeed a puzzle!

Colonel Cancer posted:

Everyone in the civilized world in earthsea is brown or black skinned and the whities are imperialist slave taker aztec-viking types who everyone hates, it owns

Did they also sucked at magic or straight up incapable of doing magic, which was implied that why they were never able to completely invade the south. I should read the fuckin' books again :getin:

# ? Aug 29, 2020 17:35

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

Galewolf posted:

Did they also sucked at magic or straight up incapable of doing magic, which was implied that why they were never able to completely invade the south. I should read the fuckin' books again

I think the A'tuan book made it pretty clear that their priesthood were very much against magic :shrug:

but idk if it ever went beyond that.

# ? Aug 29, 2020 17:40

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# ? May 29, 2024 07:04

ChubbyChecker: Mar 25, 2018

Colonel Cancer posted:

I'm pretty sure Ged is black.

native american colored

his friend from the school who he sailed with was black

# ? Aug 29, 2020 17:48

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