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Sarah
Apr 4, 2005

I'm watching you.
We also held back letting people know the name until the shower. My family was very upset we wouldn’t announce the name. Name stealing is a thing though!!

I’m so glad your day turned out better than your pre party post.

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remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably :rip:

Hell Gem
Every day is a new adventure in “will my clothes fit?” More often than not lately the answer is no. It’s so weird not really recognizing my own body any more, and there are more changes to come!

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest


It’s crazy how different pregnancies can be. My first I threw up a few times and felt kind of tired. This time I’m *constantly* low-key nauseous, way harder mood swings, and exhausted, which is great with a toddler.

My Shark Waifuu
Dec 9, 2012



remigious posted:

Every day is a new adventure in “will my clothes fit?” More often than not lately the answer is no. It’s so weird not really recognizing my own body any more, and there are more changes to come!

This has been the silver lining of being pregnant during the COVID lockdowns: since I've been at home basically the whole time, I've only needed one "acceptable for going outside/seeing other people" outfit. Up until recently the only maternity clothes I had were a pair of jeans, but at 35 weeks now even my baggiest T-shirts no longer cut it so I caved and bought some of those too. Other than that, my partner's hoodie and sweatpants all the way!

remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably :rip:

Hell Gem

Baneling Butts posted:

This has been the silver lining of being pregnant during the COVID lockdowns: since I've been at home basically the whole time, I've only needed one "acceptable for going outside/seeing other people" outfit. Up until recently the only maternity clothes I had were a pair of jeans, but at 35 weeks now even my baggiest T-shirts no longer cut it so I caved and bought some of those too. Other than that, my partner's hoodie and sweatpants all the way!

Yeah I am SO grateful I can work from home. It’s the only good thing about this drat pandemic!

Hadlock
Nov 9, 2004

My wife spends about 90% of her time during the lockdown work day sleeping in a t-shirt now, she's really enjoyed working from home while pregnant, particularly since the start of the third trimester

And yeah also her feet grew about an inch and none of her shoes fit anymore, she's extremely distraught about this

Five weeks left to B-day

Silent Linguist
Jun 10, 2009


remigious posted:

Yeah I am SO grateful I can work from home. It’s the only good thing about this drat pandemic!

This x100. I’ve been wearing the same five shirts all summer.

I’m 36 weeks today. My body has decided to do nonstop Braxton Hicks for the past three weeks. It’s not a great feeling when the doc looks at your non-stress test results and goes “Hmmm...I better check your cervix...”

Carotid
Dec 18, 2008

We're all doing it
Yeah, that was definitely the silver lining to being pregnant during a pandemic--I could wear leggings and didn't have to wear shoes while working from home, not to mention not having to schlep to and from the train every day for my commute. I feel like pregnancy would have been significantly harder if I had to go into work every day.

My due date was August 21st and I ended up giving birth to my baby girl on the 22nd! We now have a one-month-old and she's the most amazing little beast, I love her to pieces.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

remigious posted:

Every day is a new adventure in “will my clothes fit?” More often than not lately the answer is no. It’s so weird not really recognizing my own body any more, and there are more changes to come!

I ordered a few maternity dresses from PatPat to last me through the summer and recently got some nursing dresses to last through the fall and winter. I also invested in a pair of mukluks for the winter since my old winter boots were worn out anyway.

The body changes are rough though. I sometimes cry when I’m in the shower or catch my body in the mirror, so I have to wear a shirt as much as I can. I just hate my body and everything about it now. :(

Only 8 more days till my due date, but as of Thursday, baby hadn’t dropped yet and my cervix is still closed up tight. My doctor said we’ll induce if she doesn’t come by 41 weeks, but that 90% of babies come on their own by then anyway, so I shouldn’t worry too much.

I seem to be having Braxton Hicks contractions though, so that’s a good sign.

peanut
Sep 9, 2007


Carotid posted:

My due date was August 21st and I ended up giving birth to my baby girl on the 22nd! We now have a one-month-old and she's the most amazing little beast, I love her to pieces.

:3 :3 :3 :3

2DEG
Apr 13, 2011

If I hear the words "luck dragon" one more time, so fucking help me...
Welp, better hope that this kid comes early like big brother because it turns out my insurance just dropped the hospital my high risk OB delivers at from their network. After calling them to ask for a continuity of care form, they basically shut me down and made me cry, which pissed off my husband. He's got lots of experience yelling at insurers to just loving cover poo poo, so he did his phone tree magic and got someone to talk to the person doing the negotiations with the hospital. Apparently there's an unofficial continuity of care extended through the end of November, so if kiddo gets here before 37+4 we might be ok. Big brother came at 37+2, so it's going to be down to the wire. What a Cool and Good system we have.

Carotid
Dec 18, 2008

We're all doing it
Holy poo poo, that is so infuriating! I can't imagine the stress, kudos to your husband for raising hell. My workplace decided to change health insurance a few weeks before we signed up for 2020 benefits, switching from BCBS to Aetna, which made a lot of the providers we employees were seeing suddenly out-of-network (including my therapist, which has been great navigating a pregnancy and pandemic without, wahoo). We had a transition-of-care form but it's been an absolute nightmare getting Aetna to process it correctly. I was seeing my therapist at the start of the year, but getting her paid as been such a huge source of stress that I stopped going to her. gently caress you red tape.

I work in higher ed and there was a lot up in the air re: the security of my job as I was getting closer to my due date. Our health insurance plan is under my job as well since my husband's previous job got nuked also due to the pandemic (he has a new job now thank goodness, but there was a lot of uncertainty for a while). I was googling so much about whether I'd have health insurance through the end of the month if I got laid off or furloughed, and for a little bit I was wondering if I should try to get induced just to be sure I had insurance during my delivery. Now I'm hoping I don't get laid off during my maternity leave, woo!

This year has demonstrated so clearly how tying health insurance with your job is just insane. I also can't believe how health insurance companies can just decide to drop doctors/therapists/hospitals mid-year, but of course they hold all the cards so they see no problem in making us jump through hoops just to retain what care we have.

Lead out in cuffs
Sep 18, 2012

"That's right. We've evolved."

"I can see that. Cool mutations."




Nessa posted:

The body changes are rough though. I sometimes cry when I’m in the shower or catch my body in the mirror, so I have to wear a shirt as much as I can. I just hate my body and everything about it now. :(

Aww. Body image stuff sucks. :( Are you at least getting affirmation from your partner? That's always something you can ask for.

For what it's worth, I promise that your body is equipped and ready to give your baby what they need.




2DEG posted:

Welp, better hope that this kid comes early like big brother because it turns out my insurance just dropped the hospital my high risk OB delivers at from their network. After calling them to ask for a continuity of care form, they basically shut me down and made me cry, which pissed off my husband. He's got lots of experience yelling at insurers to just loving cover poo poo, so he did his phone tree magic and got someone to talk to the person doing the negotiations with the hospital. Apparently there's an unofficial continuity of care extended through the end of November, so if kiddo gets here before 37+4 we might be ok. Big brother came at 37+2, so it's going to be down to the wire. What a Cool and Good system we have.

This is one of the few times I'll use this smiley unironically: :aaaaa:



Hadlock posted:

And yeah also her feet grew about an inch and none of her shoes fit anymore, she's extremely distraught about this

My mom related that she went up a shoe size after her first pregnancy and never went back down. Ligaments get more elastic, and coupled with the extra weight, it's pretty normal for feet to grow a little. So, um, RIP your wife's shoe collection.




Re: due dates, I've been finding this thing useful:

https://datayze.com/labor-probability-calculator?duedate=10/11/2020

I've told work that I'm going on leave the second my partner goes into labour. I've been using that tool to frame conversations around responsibilities. "Can you chair the meeting on X date?" "I'd love to, and there's a 38.63% chance I'll be able to. Here's the backup plan..."

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest


Nessa posted:

The body changes are rough though. I sometimes cry when I’m in the shower or catch my body in the mirror, so I have to wear a shirt as much as I can. I just hate my body and everything about it now. :(

The body changes are rough, and it continues into postpartum. I’m not saying this to bring you down, but to warn you that your body will continue to change without your input to suit your baby’s needs for a while. It can feel alien, but at the end of the day your body has shifted its own priorities and it will take a bit of time to wrap your head around it and even embrace it.

Not just for Nessa, but I’ll get on my soapbox a little. There are a lot of forces out there- well meaning or otherwise- that want to push the idea of ‘bouncing back’, whether that is losing weight (ofc it usually comes down to this), regaining a certain level of fitness, or getting your life and house ‘back in order’ after baby. These are mostly hogwash and marketing.

Even a best-case postpartum period is tough- your body went through massive changes in pregnancy, and your body and life go through massive changes after the baby is born. Imo there isn’t really enough talk about postpartum and what reasonable expectations are for it for women. Please be gentle with your expectations for yourself- dieting is met with a slew of hormones meant to keep weight on your body, (easy!) exercise is great once you’re clear for it, but don’t expect normalcy or rapidly changing numbers.

I was terrified when 35 of the 50 lbs (I’m not tall) I gained during my pregnancy didn’t budge for 6ish months, despite feeling ravenously hungry while breastfeeding. By 9 months, something changed hormonally and most of the weight fell off, despite still breastfeeding and not really changing anything up. By a year I mostly felt like myself for real. I’m pretty sure I could’ve tanked my early supply by dieting and lost precious slivers of sleep trying to do extra exercise and not seen any ‘improvement’ in weight.

I realize different women probably have different experiences with postpartum, but I feel like there is a lack of honest discussion about the postpartum period outside of PPD/PPA and immediate healing from the birth before getting to ‘see mamas?? You can be normal again if you do/eat/buy these things!’ It’s a process.

Tamarillo
Aug 6, 2009
I really feel like dieting in the post partum period is, counterintuitively, not helpful for weight loss anyway. The energy demands of lactation are insane. It's probably the single most physiologically demanding state a woman will find herself in. There's a saying with cattle that they milk the fat off their backs in early lactation and I absolutely found that to be the case when I was breastfeeding. I put on over 20kg during pregnancy and by the time I finished breastfeeding it had gradually come off through no particular exercise or dietary efforts on my part, just pumping about 900mL of milk a day. I nearly strangled my husband when he got lovely about me "always needing to pump" and said I just wanted to sit around relaxing (?!?!?!?!?!) - such a wholly ignorant and inappropriate statement given the demands of the process and one I've not actually been able to forgive and forget even 18 months later.

E: I feel its worth noting that the weight came off but my body definitely did not go back to its pre-pregnancy shape. My waist got a few more centimetres as did my chest (boobs themselves didnt get permanently bigger though)

Tamarillo fucked around with this message at 06:49 on Sep 30, 2020

marchantia
Nov 5, 2009

WHAT IS THIS
I agree with above and just want to also chime in that postpartum is very rough, physically and emotionally. I feel like I had mentally prepared for labor and hadn't really prepared mentally for what came next. It is the best thing I've ever done but also the hardest thing I've ever done. I really don't mean that to scare anyone but parenting a newborn while dealing with the fallout of extricating that newborn from your body can be very emotionally challenging.

2DEG
Apr 13, 2011

If I hear the words "luck dragon" one more time, so fucking help me...
With my first, I was so wrapped up in taking care of him that my weight plummeted immediately post partum and I was almost at my pre-pregnancy weight within three weeks. Then as I started actually taking care of myself while my body screamed for more calories, the weight crept up and up. I never did lose those last 10 lbs before getting pregnant again, but maybe it was the hosed up thyroid and constantly feeling like death.

Also, rip my pre-breastfeeding boobs. You weren't the best, but at least not empty stretched out sock puppet bad.


Re: insurance. Only found out because I was checking the hospital website to see where I could pre-register and got the nasty surprise that way. I wouldn't doubt that a bunch of women are going to be in for a bit of a shock if the negotiations take much longer.

remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably :rip:

Hell Gem
I am ashamed to admit that I had no idea that it can take 6 weeks or so for the uterus to shrink back down to size after birth. It’s just not something people really talk about.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

Lead out in cuffs posted:

Aww. Body image stuff sucks. :( Are you at least getting affirmation from your partner? That's always something you can ask for.

For what it's worth, I promise that your body is equipped and ready to give your baby what they need.


He still says I’m beautiful and I know he’s not lying, but my own opinion of myself matters more to me.

I’ve never been one to take nudes, but I really wish I had some from prepregnancy so I could remember how I looked. I had great boobs and they’re just gone forever now. They were the only body part of mine that I actually liked. :(


BadSamaritan posted:

The body changes are rough, and it continues into postpartum. I’m not saying this to bring you down, but to warn you that your body will continue to change without your input to suit your baby’s needs for a while. It can feel alien, but at the end of the day your body has shifted its own priorities and it will take a bit of time to wrap your head around it and even embrace it.


Oh, I know. I’m just worried that I’ll turn out like my mom and never be able to lose any of the weight at all. I was having weight issues even before pregnancy where I was gaining weight without any changes to my diet. I’ve gained about 40 lbs of pregnancy weight and I don’t think I’ve been eating any more than I did prepregnancy.

I have a friend who recently sent me a link to a dress that she said would look great on me, but it just made me cry. It’s a nice dress, but I don’t know if or when I’ll be able to buy normal clothes again, so them being suggested to me just makes me feel bad.

Sarah
Apr 4, 2005

I'm watching you.

Tamarillo posted:

I nearly strangled my husband when he got lovely about me "always needing to pump" and said I just wanted to sit around relaxing (?!?!?!?!?!) - such a wholly ignorant and inappropriate statement given the demands of the process and one I've not actually been able to forgive and forget even 18 months later.

Justifiable homicide. Get a jury full of mothers and you’ll get a not guilty verdict returned.

I exclusively pumped for 7 months and it was the worst 7 months of my life. My PPD was at its worst when it was pump time. It’s something that I wanted to do for my daughter but I 100% hated it for myself. It took me double the amount of time because I could not stand to double pump. I think that’s why I didn’t make it past month 7, I had limited time at work and had to double and I would do nothing but cry the entire time.

femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
come and knit him!
It’s also important to remember that no two pregnancies are the same, even in the same woman.

I gained 20 kg in my first pregnancy and despite breastfeeding for 18 months, didn’t start losing the last 10 kg until she had dropped her feeds to one or two a day.

My second baby is 3 months old now and I have lost nearly all the weight I put on. I’m a different shape, but I’ll give myself a break on that one.

My boobs got bigger during pregnancy both times but they are outstanding rock star titties even with the breastfeeding, so fingers crossed that stays that way.

Really I think the biggest thing wasn’t my figure changing, it was a shift in identity from autonomous individual to mum who needs to think about tiny human before myself.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

I was my heaviest ever (not counting my weight while pregnant) a month after my first kid. I wasn't skinny ahead of time but I put on 50lbs. It took a little bit but I found a diet that worked for me. Don't let anyone fool you. Loosing weight is about diet. Exercise does have health benefits and is good for you but as far as weightloss it's honestly neglegible.

It took me 4 years, but I managed to lose 70 lbs. It wasn't easy and it took 4 years! Stretched over time it's reasonable. I also didn't do all in one stretch. I'd diet for a while and then take a break and maintain then start again.

Then I got pregnant again and gained 50 lbs again! I just recently hit my pre second pregnancy weight again after 2 years.

I know weight loss can be daunting. Trust me I have been there. Slow and steady and being patient is the way to go.

I had issues exercising after pregnancy for about a year after each of them. My knees felt gross and super loose. My hip joints also felt weird. Running didn't feel comfortable until about a year postpartum. Going down stairs was the worst. It felt like everything in my joints needed to tighten up.

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest


I found swimming to be extremely good for gentle exercise after about 2 months postpartum. Highly recommended- low impact, no touching, pretty quiet, solo, no noticeable sweating. No expectations, just get from one end of the pool to the other for like 20 minutes.

femcastra posted:

Really I think the biggest thing wasn’t my figure changing, it was a shift in identity from autonomous individual to mum who needs to think about tiny human before myself.

This hit me hard around 6 months and my baby’s needs started getting solidly more complex right as work started picking up and external support/new mom sympathy had drifted away. Definitely a challenge.

Bloody Cat Farm
Oct 20, 2010

I can smell your pussy, Clarice.
I tried to get back into powerlifting after getting the OK from my doctor after a few months. I was reading blogs about getting back into powerlifting after having a baby, so I thought I was ready. I started squatting the bar and it just never felt right, but I kept going. I ended up in a ton of pain. It turns out that one of my hips had healed higher than the other. Everything was made much, much worse with lifting. Also, due to the continued relaxin, I messed up my knees. I now have to see an ortho.

So yeah, be patient as hell with your body. When they say it takes 9 months for your body to get that way and it will take that long if not longer to get back to “normal”, they’re right.

Koivunen
Oct 7, 2011

there's definitely no logic
to human behaviour
The first month postpartum was extremely difficult for me. My anxiety was out of control, I only slept in 30-45 min increments for a maximum of 2 hours a day, and I was crying literally all the time, for no real reason. It got better though, but six months (and some antidepressants) later I was feeling pretty normal.


We’ve been trying for baby #2 for four months now. My cycle is super long since baby #1, so it’s been hard to predict my ovulation, even with LH strips. I finally caught a surge last week, so I’m really hoping our timing was spot on. I’m feeling a little crampy and I have a headache, which were my symptoms last time. Took a test today even though it’s WAY too early, of course it was negative. I’m so impatient.

sheri
Dec 30, 2002

You guys.
Who gives a poo poo if you don't lose a single pound.
Your bodies are not ornaments to be viewed and judged, they are meant as vessels to be used to live your life.

Eat some fruits and veggies, find movement you like, and crush the hell out of living your life!

remigious
May 13, 2009

Destruction comes inevitably :rip:

Hell Gem
I agree, but it’s still alarming to see your body change on an almost daily basis and be completely cool with it.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

sheri posted:

You guys.
Who gives a poo poo if you don't lose a single pound.
Your bodies are not ornaments to be viewed and judged, they are meant as vessels to be used to live your life.

Eat some fruits and veggies, find movement you like, and crush the hell out of living your life!

I give a poo poo because I want a body that makes me feel good about myself. I have been terrified of pregnancy for many years for this very reason, so I am literally living one of my nightmares.

I know it’s gonna be worth it for the kid in the end, but that doesn’t make it any less difficult.

Tamarillo
Aug 6, 2009

Nessa posted:

I’ve gained about 40 lbs of pregnancy weight and I don’t think I’ve been eating any more than I did prepregnancy.
I was a bit fretful about not wanting to put on more than the average expected weight gain per week, and throughout my pregnancy I didn't eat any more than usual. I tracked on average until I hit my third trimester and then went into a weight gain free-fall that had little to no bearing on anything I'd been doing - converting from kg I went from 150lbs pre-pregnancy to 200lbs at week 38 (including 5lbs lost from acute salmonellosis midway through) and just had to kind of helplessly accept that I had no control over it so tried to stop letting it bother me (and stopped weighing myself too). I didn't put on visible non-bump weight anywhere, no issues with water retention, in fact everyone was telling me I was "carrying well" although maybe it helped that I'm tall - but the weight was seriously mostly all baby + baby associated support stuff.

And then I birthed a 10lb 4oz monster child that looked like he could punch out all the other newborns in the ward.

Where I'm trying to go with this is to try to be kind to yourself with your anxiety over your body and associated weight gain. Don't beat yourself up over having gained the weight you have, weight gain is part of the process and you may well gain more than average despite eating normally. Don't discount the dress your friend sent you - it's not a case of IF you can buy normal clothes again, it's definitely WHEN - and you may well find yourself wanting it once your body has sorted itself out into its new normal (just don't take measurements during the crazy breastfeeding gazonga period).

Tamarillo fucked around with this message at 10:43 on Sep 30, 2020

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest


sheri posted:

You guys.
Who gives a poo poo if you don't lose a single pound.
Your bodies are not ornaments to be viewed and judged, they are meant as vessels to be used to live your life.

Eat some fruits and veggies, find movement you like, and crush the hell out of living your life!

Because it’s a common concern and sweeping it under the rug with a ‘you shouldn’t care hth’ is the other side of the ‘bouncing back’ wishful thinking language. Your body enters into a period where it does most everything for this new life. It’s reasonable to have concerns over when you regain some element of control over it- movement/strength and appearance are both elements of that, whether you personally care or not.

Postpartum, I wasn’t concerned about losing weight to become a hottie for my husband or anything, but after a few months I did want my body to feel and act closer to how it did pre-baby and I don’t think it’s wrong for me to think that.

Alterian
Jan 28, 2003

There's also the fact that obesity increases your risk of dying or getting much more sick if you contract COVID. There's a plethora of reasons people would want to lose their baby weight that are completely valid. We're just commiserating how much harder it is and how much it sucks.

femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
come and knit him!
Yeah like I don’t know how much I weigh right now and don’t care, but I know that because I’m still breastfeeding and will be for some time, I have to take it easy with jogging (relaxin).

I used to do long distance running and when I fell pregnant the first time the relaxin hosed with my joints and then I had a big subchorionic bleed, so I had to stop. Similar story second time around. I’m really looking forward to running again but I know that I have to ease myself into it and also that my fitness/weight as it is provides an obstacle to that goal.

Salisbury Snape
May 26, 2014
While a grain platform can be used for corn, a specialized corn head is ordinarily used instead.


Ladies, we love you just the way you are postpartum. We understand you may feel hella uncomfortable with the extra weight, lumps, bumps, stretchmarks and loose bits, but please know that we (the majority of men anyway) completely understand the stress and trauma your bodies go through to produce the tiniest of humans. You should never feel you need to be 'a hotty' for your other half.
I adore my wife's stretchmarks and I really don't care about the extra weight, she is the most beautiful person on the planet. If anything I'm more attracted to her postpartum body than when she was 21 slim and 8stone.
Without the sacrifices to her body we wouldn't have our children and I'm eternally thankful that she went through it.
Please please please only go through the extra pain and chaos of getting back to your pre baby body for your own reasons. Never do it for us. ❤️

Bloody Cat Farm
Oct 20, 2010

I can smell your pussy, Clarice.
I wanted to ask you ladies, have any of you experienced huge differences in sizes between your two breasts after breastfeeding? One has always been bigger than the other, but I stopped breastfeeding about 3 months ago and the difference is extreme now. It’s very noticeable even when I’m wearing clothes.

BadSamaritan
May 2, 2008

crumb by crumb in this big black forest


Oh and quick reminder that pelvic floor physical therapy is a thing that exists and your obgyn office should be able to point you in the direction of one should you need it.

I feel like it’s one of those potentially life-changing services that nobody really tells you about, and a lot of providers are still at ‘uh have you tried kegels?’ for postpartum dysfunction.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

Tamarillo posted:

I was a bit fretful about not wanting to put on more than the average expected weight gain per week, and throughout my pregnancy I didn't eat any more than usual. I tracked on average until I hit my third trimester and then went into a weight gain free-fall that had little to no bearing on anything I'd been doing - converting from kg I went from 150lbs pre-pregnancy to 200lbs at week 38 (including 5lbs lost from acute salmonellosis midway through) and just had to kind of helplessly accept that I had no control over it so tried to stop letting it bother me (and stopped weighing myself too). I didn't put on visible non-bump weight anywhere, no issues with water retention, in fact everyone was telling me I was "carrying well" although maybe it helped that I'm tall - but the weight was seriously mostly all baby + baby associated support stuff.

And then I birthed a 10lb 4oz monster child that looked like he could punch out all the other newborns in the ward.

Where I'm trying to go with this is to try to be kind to yourself with your anxiety over your body and associated weight gain. Don't beat yourself up over having gained the weight you have, weight gain is part of the process and you may well gain more than average despite eating normally. Don't discount the dress your friend sent you - it's not a case of IF you can buy normal clothes again, it's definitely WHEN - and you may well find yourself wanting it once your body has sorted itself out into its new normal (just don't take measurements during the crazy breastfeeding gazonga period).

I will try to be as kind to myself as I can. I know it won’t happen overnight and it will require a lot of work, but I’ll do the best that I can.

I have no idea how big baby is, but I do get comments from the lady at the liquor store (when I walk there with my husband) about how big I am and how she’s sure it must be twins. :rolleyes:


Salisbury Snape posted:

You should never feel you need to be 'a hotty' for your other half.

I don’t. I feel a need to be a hottie for ME. As a woman who is attracted to other women, I want to have a body that I myself find attractive. I had a recent nightmare about giving birth and the doctors removed my genitalia because I wouldn’t be needing it anymore, as “mothers should be sexless beings.” It’s a pretty deep running fear of mine. It may be completely irrational and silly, but it’s there.

femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
come and knit him!

Nessa posted:

I will try to be as kind to myself as I can. I know it won’t happen overnight and it will require a lot of work, but I’ll do the best that I can.

I had a recent nightmare about giving birth and the doctors removed my genitalia because I wouldn’t be needing it anymore, as “mothers should be sexless beings.” It’s a pretty deep running fear of mine. It may be completely irrational and silly, but it’s there.

Totally understand this. It’s a not wholly irrational fear because your life is overtaken, particularly at the beginning, and finding/making time for intimacy is tough.

I will say this, both times since giving birth and healing up enough to comfortably have sex, the sex is astonishingly good in my experience and orgasm is heightened. It took probably a good six months to return to my baseline and boy did I make the most of it.

Nessa
Dec 15, 2008

femcastra posted:

Totally understand this. It’s a not wholly irrational fear because your life is overtaken, particularly at the beginning, and finding/making time for intimacy is tough.

I will say this, both times since giving birth and healing up enough to comfortably have sex, the sex is astonishingly good in my experience and orgasm is heightened. It took probably a good six months to return to my baseline and boy did I make the most of it.

We’ll see. I haven’t had sex since March due to it being too painful, so we just stopped trying.

femcastra
Apr 25, 2008

If you want him,
come and knit him!

Salisbury Snape posted:

Ladies,



Never do it for us. ❤️

I can feel your earnestness and good intentions so much in this post, but I have to tell you I re-read the preceding posts you’re responding to, thinking that I missed a bunch of posts lamenting that our floppy bodies are insufficient for the male gaze.

The issue is not our partners. A lot of us are very lucky to have supportive, loving and empathetic partners. The issue is the disorientation that is inevitable from losing control of what your body does during pregnancy and postpartum - 2 years where the things you used to enjoy and take for granted are not always possible.

It’s not only the weight a lot of the time, it’s the feeling that your body is no longer your own. Your boobs that you took for granted are now unrecognisable, whether that’s positive or negative, it’s still a significant change. You may have issues with abdominal separation, your pelvic floor might let you down despite months of exercise and during your first postpartum run you just flat out piss your pants.

And while a lot of us are grateful for the attention and reassurance of our partners, if we’ve got a baby hanging off the boob 10 times a day, we’re bound to view our bodies differently because they truly are no longer 100% our own, we have to share them.

Again, I know that you intended well, but I think you misunderstood what a lot of us are saying.

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Koivunen
Oct 7, 2011

there's definitely no logic
to human behaviour
I got stretch marks around my belly button that, while super pregnant, looked like a perfect Pikachu. It didn’t go away, only now I have a smaller, lighter pigmented Pikachu than before. It’s going to be there forever, and I’m starting to be okay with it. A friend is having her first baby, and had just started to show. She was talking about being concerned with body changes, and I showed her my Chu belly. She audibly gasped and looked horrified for a brief second, lol. Welcome to being a mom.

My p-hole, v-hole, and b-hole will never be the same.

PS My husband and I didn’t have sex for almost 16 months postpartum, and the only reason we have sex now is to try to make baby #2. Everyone is different, and I’m not unhappy with how things are.

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