Inceltown posted:

Captain Hygiene posted:

Now Jeffrey's gonna have to go behind his own back when he makes demands like that

LifeSunDeath posted:

LONG PUSSY

what the hell is a Gin Rooter?

Gromit posted:

A horribly racist insult, if it's Australian.

Hub Cat posted:

My fellow Goons, I’m pleased to tell you today that I’ve signed legislation that will outlaw Cspam forever. We begin banning in five minutes.

GoGoGadgetChris posted:

Venn diagram of PC Gamers and Dudes who live in castles

"Spending all my money on RAM, Parts"

Platystemon posted:

The Skeep posted:

you know sisko's been talking to the children of tama when they bust out "Ruth, his arm skyward" and "Johnson, when the bird exploded"

Error 404 posted:

Imagining Tamarian stand-up comedy right now and just completely losing my poo poo.

CainFortea posted:

Me, my arms tired.

Jerry, confused about airline food.

Rodney, winning the dog show.

Barudak posted:

My wife, untaken

Paladinus posted:

Surely, only someone who wants to live in a castle would need a ram.

Paladinus posted:

Surely, only someone who wants to live in a castle would need a ram.

Captain Hygiene posted:

Now Jeffrey's gonna have to go behind his own back when he makes demands like that

Solice Kirsk posted:

A truly defensible castle would have a gate made out of moat. Try crossing that you would-be-invaders!

Neddy Seagoon posted:

It certainly stopped Richard Nixon.

Neddy Seagoon posted:

It certainly stopped Richard Nixon.

Neddy Seagoon posted:

It certainly stopped Richard Nixon.

Neddy Seagoon posted:

It certainly stopped Richard Nixon.

TMMadman posted:

....In nature, generally speaking, the smaller animal has to be more concerned about the larger animal and I honestly think we need to start approaching driving in the same fashion.....

Trevor Hale posted:

xtal posted:

Laughing at, not with?

Captain Hygiene posted:

Now Jeffrey's gonna have to go behind his own back when he makes demands like that

Phlegmish posted:

They say Belgium is boring, yet we seem to get posted in this thread every single day

By popular demand posted:

Quiet you. More waffles and less Congolese colonialism.

Phlegmish posted:

Did I say Belgium? I meant Flanders.

Good luck with that French, fellow oppressed Congobros

Marcade posted:

Yeah, hands off the Congo.

Wait, not like that Belgium.

Firechicken posted:

First off, that dude lied to everyone about his charges, including me, scarface wasn't sheltering anyone.

Second, it IS illegal to pay fighters. You understand that amateur fighters don't get paid, correct? In fact amateur fight promoters profit off of admission, which we don't charge. I haven't made anything off of this and have no clue how much I'm going to, i enjoy this and building a ring had given me abd my friends a place to get together and train.

I was fully prepared to not make anything for quite some time, but got ahold of scarface... now we're here.

Its pretty bad to call scarface names like that, he does a lot for the fighters that you don't even know. Im not going to go into it because i don't know what he's ok with me saying, but listen to me on this, he takes care of his friends and fighters. He's a good person. You seem salty though.

Firechicken posted:

You guys don't know how this stuff works, so your ignorance is excused. I joined this group to give you guys insight on the interworkings of the organization, answer questions and to give you guys a link to someone to talk to that's involved. Changing my avatar, my info, very childish.

Firechicken posted:

For your information...we had a covid check in station,
Checked temps, encouraged mask wearing etc...

You're welcome to take your opinion of me, my branch, streetbeefs in general, and your "authority" and shove them right up your fatass. I love the fact that youre going to get a mini boner deleting this post and banning me, hell, if i cared i wouldn't post it. You're a keyboard warrior with no real life authority. You're welcome to come out to streetbeefs and show how much your authority means, id be honored to have the opportunity to...well you know....peace out fucktard 🖕😃🖕

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

(USER WAS BANNED FOR THIS POST)

SweetWillyRollbar posted:

When you were posting, I beefed in the streets. When you were mocking unlicensed fight clubs, I set up my own regional branch. While you wasted your days making fun of Rising Phoenix, I cultivated my fight club brand. And now that the world is infected and the pandemic is at the gate you have the audacity to give me red text and a joke AV?

Marching Powder posted:

it's hosed up that you can say to a man that you don't agree with anyone who claims that there is a negligent way to run a backyard fight business and he starts charging up a spirit bomb. i'm starting to think that this is one of those topics where literally everyone involved in it is a loving crackpot whose activities shouldn't be even ironically encouraged by people like me.

Varinn posted:

if you want to prove im wrong you need to meet me in satans backyard and get punched a dozen times in the head after tapping out because the ref was too busy promoting cbd oils

NAG posted:

Streetbeefs, we're back at you with some fairly fresh matches from sunny Virginia. I'll be covering these over the next few days.

Hard as Stone VS Fire Ant (Boxing)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=rx-LsYoioqY

We've seen Hard as Stone a few times before in the yard, administering sand in the eyes of Ginger Ninja and shattering Street Dreamer with a superman punch late last year. Since then he's beaten up some children and lost a title match to Baby Hulk back in February. He enters this match with a 3-1 boxing record. Fire Ant picked up his first win earlier this year by punching out a defenseless bald patch on legs. He dedicates this match to his awesome wife Rebecca, who could not attend.

Scarface starts by pimping his CBD sponsor along with his new directional microphone, which mutes the introductions somewhat. The referee also namedrops the CBD sponsor before starting the match. Fire Ant starts by sizing up his opponent, landing a couple of decent counters on account of Hard as Stone not keeping his guard up. Stone recovers by punching Ant's mouthpiece out and chasing him along the chainlink perimeter for a while.

The rinsing of the mouthpiece seems to cleanse the minds of the fighters, as they return to battle without any desire to fight. Not a single punch is thrown until the round draws to a close, where Stone decides to knock Ant down with a right hook. "I just slipped!" cries Fire Ant, while the crowd argues about the reverse order of Arabic numbers, eventually ending the round.

While tended to in the corner, Fire Ant argues his case, insisting he slipped and wasn't knocked down. Let the record show that nobody counted a knockdown in the first place.

Round two starts, Johnny CBD. The gentlemen engage in a silent battle of squats before Hard as Stone executes a strange evasive manoeuvre and almost knocks his head in the barricade. He saves face by performing a little jig afterwards. In the lull following this display, Stone tries out some telekinesis by waving his fist around in a circle, but it has no effect, so he headbutts the barricade instead. The sun comes out and washes the yard in golden light. Hard as Stone is reinvigorated and starts slugging at Ant, but is unable to put him down before the round ends.

During intermission, a man in the background massages his crotch while Fire Ant pants loudly. Someone tries to squirt water on Hard as Stone, but he manages to escape to the ring.

Stone starts the third round by faceplanting, sending Fire Ant into a rage. The men trade a few blows before separating again. Ant swings so hard at the air that it triggers an inner ear condition in Stone, and he collapses. The referee sends him back into the fight. Fire Ant pummels Stone in the corner as the round ends, but neither man has any strength left.

The match is ruled a draw, with both fighters receiving a win on their record and a prize package of CBD oil. No, I am not joking.


Bermuda VS Viking (MMA) - Microweight Title Match
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ZQ9obD-ADMA

Two wiry pale boys are set to duke it out for the big gold. The Viking has a solid 4-0 record with submission wins over The Reaper, Spencer, Spo and the Butcher. Bermuda is another submission fighter with a penchant for the triangle choke. I am not sure when he got the belt but he has the same 4-0 record as his challenger.

On paper, this should be a good match, so naturally they send in referee Big Rob for reverse quality control. One receding hairline and a nose-tap later, the boys clinch up, hips getting acquainted, looking for a takedown. Harmless knees are traded, then Bermuda falls over. The boys lock heads and bask in the sun for a bit while Big Rob lays some serious reiki on a fool. The fighters are ordered to return to their feet and circle around each other for a while, before Viking kicks Bermuda in the rear end, following up with a roundhouse kick to the empty air as the round draws to a close.

The second round improves on the first immediately, with Viking landing a left hook in Bermuda's face, knocking him down. Viking tries to capitalize, but is warded off by Bermuda's spindly legs. The challenger refuses to give up, however, and manages to secure an arm lock, tapping the champion out. The Viking leaves the yard with his opponent's respect, the belt, some complementary gifts from Johnny Apple CBD and a pint glass from some grill.


Space Monkey VS John Slick (Boxing)
https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=F_1I6aDyRAs

I love a fat dude boxing but Space Monkey has consistently failed to impress in his previous yardwork. He accumulated his 5-1 record by inducing a heart attacks in decidedly unfit opponents and pushing Pitbull Matthew to the ground, eating his first loss in a narrow decision title match against D last month. Can he finally put in an entertaining effort here against newcomer John Slick?

Monkey enters the match already sweat-soaked and panting, knocking his own his own head into the cold unforgiving steel of the barricade within seconds of the opening bell. After an insulting punch to the face, Space Monkey starts chasing his opponent, who tries to turn his back and de-escalate the situation. Big Rob calls for a timeout for some reason, and Space Monkey is drenched with water in his corner, taking great care not to get any in his eyes. Monkey runs back into action like a freight train, knocking Slick over with his bulk. Monkey lands a right hook in his opponent's ribs and is so surprised at his aptitude that he falls over and has to recover for a moment. Slick continues to turn away instead of defending himself.

Big Rob announces the start of the third and final round, so I guess the first round was shorter than the others? Not sure. Slick keeps wrapping his arm around Monkey's neck and receives a warning. Monkey seems very concerned about his neck. We can speculate that he previously received a severe sunburn in the neck, and his timeout shower session was called to alleviate the problem.

As Space Monkey tries to eat his own mouthpiece, Scarface announces a majority decision in the astral primate's favor. He is rewarded with CBD oil and a photo-op with Big Rob.


Nothing too impressive so far, but the event is far from over. Stay tuned and enjoy your complimentary CBD oil.

Captain Hygiene posted:

Pouncing on that name for my new foodtruck endeavor the instant the league fails.

Spanish Manlove posted:

Same but for my e-scooter like gigolo service

Splicer posted:

Same but for my new startup uber for farts

Subjunctive posted:

That thread was a gem while Streebeefs was getting going. I’m not into fight-sports really, but I enjoyed the write ups and inadvertent physical comedy quite a bit.

Subjunctive posted:

That thread was a gem while Streebeefs was getting going. I’m not into fight-sports really, but I enjoyed the write ups and inadvertent physical comedy quite a bit.

EorayMel posted:

As a bonus, here is but one of many passionate and thorough write-ups of the fights (also confirming the cbd oils):

Blue Footed Booby posted:

Pope Hilarius II posted:

mom cray, so what

empty whippet box posted:

Scene: There is a giant covid-19 balloon at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day parade and there are dancers also dressed up as covid-19 viruses dancing around other dancers some wearing masks and others aren't and the float is a giant sickly looking rat. On the float they are singing a new version of "Baby It's Cold Outside" rewritten to be about the virus. "Baby, covid's outside," croons mariah carey through a stylish mesh diamond mask

TraderStav posted:

Neighbor three doors down from me had the whole family (4 kids) catch COVID. They went back to the middle and high schools on the 12th. Thankfully we haven't had contact with them in well over a month.

I left them a Costco Pot Pie on their porch. Guy said it's the most awful thing he's ever been through in his life so far.

Helith posted:

Costco pot pies aren't that bad, surely?