Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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Acebuckeye13: Nov 2, 2010; Ultra Carp

That sequence is 90s.txt and I love it.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 01:26

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# ? May 24, 2024 04:05

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

Well, I DO remember the horny jail energies from this chapter at least.

Actual question, was Baywatch really a thing outside of memes that was like, popular with boys in the 90s? Or was it only something that existed in joke form? I have vague memories of guys talking about Pamela Anderson and being completely confused why she was considered the gold standard, I think, that's about it.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 01:34

Piell: Sep 3, 2006; Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer; Young Orc

FlocksOfMice posted:

Well, I DO remember the horny jail energies from this chapter at least.

Actual question, was Baywatch really a thing outside of memes that was like, popular with boys in the 90s? Or was it only something that existed in joke form? I have vague memories of guys talking about Pamela Anderson and being completely confused why she was considered the gold standard, I think, that's about it.

As someone who was a straight boy in the 90s, yes it was popular among boys at the time. Also Wikipedia says it was at one point the most popular show in the world.

Piell fucked around with this message at 01:48 on Nov 1, 2020

# ? Nov 1, 2020 01:46

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

FlocksOfMice posted:

Well, I DO remember the horny jail energies from this chapter at least.

Actual question, was Baywatch really a thing outside of memes that was like, popular with boys in the 90s? Or was it only something that existed in joke form? I have vague memories of guys talking about Pamela Anderson and being completely confused why she was considered the gold standard, I think, that's about it.

Yes. Baywatch was a megapopular 90s phenomenon, and Pamela Anderson and David Hasselhoff were at one point considered the sexiest woman and man alive respectively thanks to their work on Baywatch.

General rule of thumb with 90s pop culture references in Animorphs: if they mention it, it was ubiquitous enough that everyone, even children at the time, would know about it. Michael Grant in particular, though he's since moved away from it somewhat in the books he's published under his own brand, was a disciple of the Stephen King style of verisimilitude of "talk about real world people and things that your audience would also know of". He's since confessed that this is also a double edged sword because it dates the work inescapably, and Animorphs is like a mosquito trapped in a glob of hardened amber, and that amber is the 1990s.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 02:24

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

Sigh. I miss the 90s amber.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 02:26

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Yeah, this is distilled 90s horny teenagers in high school.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 03:23

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

I mean I was a child in the 90s, but I legit always thought it was like, spurious, or just a sort of meme that people ACTUALLY thought anything in Baywatch was attractive. I always thought in Animorphs it was just continuing that joke. I guess child-me never really had a good theory of mind at the time and it's just stuck as an artifact in my head about that.

It being so well set in the 90s is GREAT, though. Modern media LOVES to set things in firmly situated points in the past. Stranger Things etc love to do it. Animorphs comes PRE-NOSTALGIC.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 03:26

Remalle: Feb 12, 2020

I think it's worth mentioning that, despite all of the other directly name-dropped pop-culture references in this series, "Jeremy Jason McCole" from "Power House" is clearly a stand-in for Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Joe Bob Fenestre from one of the later books is also a stand in for Bill Gates, so they probably just didn't want to get in trouble for writing real-life people as villains.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 03:38

Acebuckeye13: Nov 2, 2010; Ultra Carp

nine-gear crow posted:

Yes. Baywatch was a megapopular 90s phenomenon, and Pamela Anderson and David Hasselhoff were at one point considered the sexiest woman and man alive respectively thanks to their work on Baywatch.

General rule of thumb with 90s pop culture references in Animorphs: if they mention it, it was ubiquitous enough that everyone, even children at the time, would know about it. Michael Grant in particular, though he's since moved away from it somewhat in the books he's published under his own brand, was a disciple of the Stephen King style of verisimilitude of "talk about real world people and things that your audience would also know of". He's since confessed that this is also a double edged sword because it dates the work inescapably, and Animorphs is like a mosquito trapped in a glob of hardened amber, and that amber is the 1990s.

Honestly, I think the series actually benefits from being so solidly rooted in the '90s, mostly because it gets to avoid the unavoidable problem of cellular phones (And particularly smart phones) becoming ubiquitous and thus throwing a massive wrench into, like, half the series. It also helps that the references are usually unobtrusive, can be understood through context clues, and root the books in the Real World�which, given the intended reader was in fact kids growing up in the '90s (Such as myself :v:

) was a Big Deal.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 04:16

Homora Gaykemi: Apr 30, 2020; by Fluffdaddy

Remalle posted:

I think it's worth mentioning that, despite all of the other directly name-dropped pop-culture references in this series, "Jeremy Jason McCole" from "Power House" is clearly a stand-in for Jonathan Taylor Thomas.

now I'm imagining the fun Ax would have making Tim Allen noises

# ? Nov 1, 2020 04:20

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

quote:

�Wussy Weekly, Midget Monthly, The New Dork Times �� Marco added. He and Jake exchanged a high five.

Lol dudes rock

Acebuckeye13 posted:

Honestly, I think the series actually benefits from being so solidly rooted in the '90s, mostly because it gets to avoid the unavoidable problem of cellular phones (And particularly smart phones) becoming ubiquitous and thus throwing a massive wrench into, like, half the series. It also helps that the references are usually unobtrusive, can be understood through context clues, and root the books in the Real World—which, given the intended reader was in fact kids growing up in the '90s (Such as myself ) was a Big Deal.

It's also unquestionably part of the reason why the series is so powerfully nostalgic

# ? Nov 1, 2020 04:23

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Remalle posted:

I think it's worth mentioning that, despite all of the other directly name-dropped pop-culture references in this series, "Jeremy Jason McCole" from "Power House" is clearly a stand-in for Jonathan Taylor Thomas. Joe Bob Fenestre from one of the later books is also a stand in for Bill Gates, so they probably just didn't want to get in trouble for writing real-life people as villains.

Fenestre = windows goddamn thats clever

# ? Nov 1, 2020 04:25

Soup du Jour: Sep 8, 2011; I always knew I'd die with a headache.

Acebuckeye13 posted:

Honestly, I think the series actually benefits from being so solidly rooted in the '90s, mostly because it gets to avoid the unavoidable problem of cellular phones (And particularly smart phones) becoming ubiquitous and thus throwing a massive wrench into, like, half the series. It also helps that the references are usually unobtrusive, can be understood through context clues, and root the books in the Real World�which, given the intended reader was in fact kids growing up in the '90s (Such as myself ) was a Big Deal.

Even set a decade later Animorphs would be running into serious camera problems (on both sides of the war) so the blatant 90s setting really helps

# ? Nov 1, 2020 04:50

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Fenestre = windows goddamn thats clever

that's a joke that took me a good 20 years to get

# ? Nov 1, 2020 04:56

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

Soup du Jour posted:

Even set a decade later Animorphs would be running into serious camera problems (on both sides of the war) so the blatant 90s setting really helps

Also the era of social media and Big Data completely t-bone the central premise of both sides using invisibility and anonymity as a weapon. In a world where Facebook can predict if you're gay based on a few minutes interacting with its ad algorithms and Amazon can tell if you're pregnant weeks before even you know, the Yeerks would be outted in no time flat, the Animorphs even quicker. You think the Bill Gates analog coming up is loving scary? Imagine if the Yeerks got their own Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Dorsey, or Jeff Bezos analog...

# ? Nov 1, 2020 05:03

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

I mean, in that the Andalites are like--I don't remember if Ax said this or not so I'm spoiling it?--When he said that human technology had advanced so fast that he and the yeerks were probably scared of humans, that makes sense. We went absolutely WILD with technology lately.

That's also apparently part of a thing in one of the WW Vampire lines where now London is a dead-zone where they have cameras tuned to vampires and if a vampire sets foot in London for a second there's an anti-vampire team to take them down instantly.

Basically Voldemort would get sniped from half a mile away and so would Visser Three.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 05:21

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

nine-gear crow posted:

Also the era of social media and Big Data completely t-bone the central premise of both sides using invisibility and anonymity as a weapon. In a world where Facebook can predict if you're gay based on a few minutes interacting with its ad algorithms and Amazon can tell if you're pregnant weeks before even you know, the Yeerks would be outted in no time flat, the Animorphs even quicker. You think the Bill Gates analog coming up is loving scary? Imagine if the Yeerks got their own Mark Zuckerberg, Jack Dorsey, or Jeff Bezos analog...

On the other hand, the chatroom shut-ins posting on the internet about brain slugs that are slowly infesting the country would find a much larger and more receptive audience

# ? Nov 1, 2020 05:41

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

freebooter posted:

On the other hand, the chatroom shut-ins posting on the internet about brain slugs that are slowly infesting the country would find a much larger and more receptive audience

QAnonamorphs

# ? Nov 1, 2020 05:45

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

nine-gear crow posted:

QAnonamorphs

CHAPTER ONE
I'm a Qanonimorph.
I can't tell you my real name, or where I live.
Come to think of it, I shouldn't have posted this to Facebook.

# ? Nov 1, 2020 23:58

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Book 12: The Reaction-Chapter 7

quote:

Reruns of Power House came on every night at seven. Just after the news. I watched it with my two little sisters, Sara and Jordan. Sara was too little to care one way or the other about boys. But Jordan was closer to my age.

�You think Jeremy Jason McCole is cute?� I asked her.

�On a scale of one to ten? Maybe about a thousand.�

I nodded. �Yeah. He is cute.�

�He�s even cuter than that guy Marco. You know the one who�s Cousin Jake�s friend?�

�Yeah, I know Marco,� I said cautiously. I shuddered. �You actually think Marco is cute?�

�Sure.�

�Jordan, do me and the whole world a favor. Never, ever tell him.�

�As if!�

�But you don�t think he�s as cute as Jeremy Jason, right?�

�Of course not. Jeremy Jason is famous.�

�Oh. Well, let me ask you something. If you thought there was some club you could belong to that would mean you might get to meet Jeremy Ja-�

She leaped up. �What club? What club? What club?!�

Which answered my question. I wasn�t foolish enough to worry about what might happen if Jeremy Jason McCole came out in support of The Sharing. If anything, I wasn�t worrying enough. If using Jeremy Jason worked at recruiting girls into The Sharing, what would the Yeerks do next?

That's the thing. Taking over celebrities is a good idea! A lot of the Yeerk plans are pretty solid. If it weren't for those Andalite bandits! <Shakes fist>

quote:

I watched Power House with a whole new outlook, knowing what I now knew about one of its stars. Was it really possible that someone like Jeremy Jason McCole could be a Controller?

No way. And if I did just happen to save him from being taken by the Yeerks. Well �

After dinner and after Power House, I went up to my room to attack my backed-up homework. I had a paper due and it was supposed to be five pages long, at least. I had maybe four pages worth of material. So I played with fonts and margins until my four pages could more or less fill five pages.

Then I hit �print� and hoped my teacher wouldn�t figure out what I�d done.

Admit it. You've done it too.

quote:

�Rachel? I�m running down to the store for some milk,� my mom yelled up the stairs. �You�re in charge.�

I dropped out of the word-processing program and logged on to the Internet. I opened my window since it was a warm night out and Tobias sometimes flew by in the evening. Then I started checking out the various Web sites for Jeremy Jason.

�Know your enemy,� I muttered under my breath. Not that I could really think of Jeremy Jason as my enemy.

I had to wait through several busy signals to reach his own actual home page. My screen filled with a picture of the actor.

�Way too cute to be a Controller,� I said to no one.

I scrolled down and found a button for his biography. It was two pages long. I printed it out.

Then I clicked on his schedule of appearances. It was slightly out-of-date. I scrolled down the page.

Then, �Whoa! Whoa!�

I stopped and scrolled back. There it was. The twenty-fourth. Jeremy Jason was doing the Barry and Cindy Sue Show on the road. On the road � right in our town for the week.

Two days from now! He�s going to be here! Here!

I snatched up the portable phone. I speed-dialed Cassie. �He�s coming here!�

�Who? What?�

�Jeremy Jason. He�s going to be on the Barry and Cindy Sue Show when they come to town!�

�No way!�

�Oh, yes. Definitely yes.� I hung up and started to click to another Web site to confirm the news.

I felt like I couldn�t breathe. I was majorly excited. I know, I know, it isn�t really cool to get all mental about a TV actor, but Jeremy Jason McCole was like my first crush going back to when I was ten.

I took a deep, steadying breath.

But I couldn�t quite do it. My breathing was short. Rough. Like I was being squeezed. A swarming feeling of heat needles spread across my skin.

This wasn�t about Jeremy Jason. There was definitely something wrong with me. I couldn�t breathe!

I sucked in air and pushed myself back from the computer.

And that�s when I noticed my hand.

My right hand was green. A dark, mottled, reptile green.

I have to think, this is probably not normal.

Chapter 8

quote:

�What the ��

I held up my left hand. It was green, too. Getting greener as I watched. Getting rougher.

Changing. Morphing!

There were scales forming on my skin. Crawling up my arms.

I bolted from the chair and raced for my full-length mirror.

My face was just beginning to bulge out. A huge, long, black-green snout.

This is something you never want to actually see.

�Yahhhh!� I yelped.

The swelling bulge split open to reveal a row of long, yellowed teeth.

�Crckkk!� I started to say, but my mouth was no longer human enough to make human sounds.

My legs shriveled as I watched helplessly. I fell forward onto the floor. The huge tail was surging behind me. I felt my spine stretching.

No! No! I hadn�t decided to morph!

And yet I was morphing. At warp speed! I was on the floor of my bedroom, turning into a murderous, twenty-foot-long crocodile.

Morph out! I ordered myself. Morph out!

But the transformation continued. I was too big for the room! My snout was pushed into one corner, while my tail stretched out under the bed and curled in the far corner.

What was happening to me?

If Jordan or Sara or my mother walked into the room, my secret would be out. Worse yet, I wasn�t sure I could control the crocodile.

It was hungry.

Focus, Rachel! Focus! Morph out! Go human!

But I wasn�t morphing out. At least, not back to human.

Instead I began to notice a completely different kind of change. My body was narrowing in two places. I was cinching up. Forming three different body sections: head, abdomen, and thorax.

I was becoming an insect!

And that�s when I became afraid. See, it�s impossible to morph straight from one animal to another. Or at least it�s supposed to be impossible. But I was definitely morphing. And I was not morphing to human.

I was still a huge crocodile, but my massive crocodile head was connected to my body by a tiny, narrow neck. And the area connecting my squat crocodile body to my fat crocodile tail had narrowed so much it was the size of a human wrist.

<This can�t be happening!> I cried to no one. <This has to be a dream.>

But I�d had dozens, maybe hundreds of awful morphing dreams. And they�d never been like this.

I could hear my bones squishing as they turned to water and disappeared. I could see the blackgreen crocodile scales turn dark brown, almost black, as an insect�s exoskeleton grew over me like armor. Huge spiky hairs shot like daggers from my back. My big teeth melted together, solidified, blackened, and reformed to become a long, vile-looking tube. Two new legs spurted from my sides.

Two spiky, multi-jointed legs.

I knew all these changes. This was a morph I had done before. But never like this!

I was on my way to becoming a fly. But because morphing is never logical, I was a gigantic fly. I was becoming a fly before I�d had a chance to shrink.

Then the shrinkage kicked in and I was spiraling wildly downward. I was going from twenty five feet in length to less than a quarter of an inch!

I wanted to scream for help. But who could help me? No one. No one!

Suddenly my reptile eyes bulged and popped out like balloons. The world around me was shattered into a thousand tiny pictures. I had the compound eyes of a fly!

My mind was reeling. It had to be a nightmare. This wasn�t possible. It had to be some awful dream!

I was shrinking so fast that the corners of the room seemed to be racing away from me. The wood grain grew large and dark and clear. The cracks between boards were growing as wide as ditches.

And then, with a sickening lurch, I realized I had stopped shrinking. I was growing again.

The wood grain grew smaller. The cracks shrank. And I grew. And grew. And grew!

My extra legs were gone. I had just four now. Four legs growing thicker and taller and thicker and taller!

<Oh, please! Someone help me!>

Sproing! Sproing! The springs in my mattress popped as my bulk crushed them. I was too big for the room. Bigger even than the crocodile. My bookshelves fell over. My desk slammed against the wall. Sparks shot from my computer and the screen went blank.

Too big for the room! I was big enough to be weighed in tons, not pounds. I was morphing a fullgrown African elephant. In my small bedroom.

C-r-r-r-r-r-e-e-e-e-k!

<Oh, no,> I whispered. I could feel the floor literally sinking under my impossible weight. My head was shoved up against the ceiling.

C-r-r-r-UNCH!

With a scream of twisting wood, the floor gave way.

A sickening drop! And �

C-r-r-a-BOOOOM!

I was, very suddenly, in the kitchen.

Boddy horror, anyone? Also, I hope like hell that neither of her sisters were in the kitchen.

# ? Nov 2, 2020 02:06

Synesthesian Fetish: Apr 29, 2008; Ya know, I useta be President... I'll let you kids punch me anywhere but the face for a dollar.

Even with Ax acting as Jake for 2 days or changing Marco's dad's program, this probably has to be the hardest event to explain away to an animorph's family to date. For some reason I remember less about this book than others and can't remember what happens next so I can't wait to see what she comes up with

# ? Nov 2, 2020 04:00

QuickbreathFinisher: Sep 28, 2008; by reading this post you have agreed to form a gay socialist micronation.
`

I'm loving what they chose to change to a sound-alike vs. what they kept in as a reference to set the scene. The CD and Yasmine Bleeth (is that a word?) conversations are both excellent Animorphs nostalgia moments, and the ~~Jonathan Taylor Thomas from Home Improvement~~ Jeremy Jason McCole from Power House going on the ~~Regis and Kathy Lee~~ Barry and Cindy Sue Show gives it some goofy kids' book campiness. As a sheltered gay kid I had no idea why the other boys cared about Baywatch. Boring!!

What is happening to our Xena???

# ? Nov 2, 2020 04:11

Rochallor: Apr 23, 2010; ふっっっっっっっっっっっっｃｋ

quote:

I stopped and scrolled back. There it was. The twenty-fourth. Jeremy Jason was doing the Barry and Cindy Sue Show on the road. On the road � right in our town for the week.

Two days from now! He�s going to be here! Here!

I snatched up the portable phone. I speed-dialed Cassie. �He�s coming here!�

�Who? What?�

�Jeremy Jason. He�s going to be on the Barry and Cindy Sue Show when they come to town!�

�No way!�

�Oh, yes. Definitely yes.� I hung up and started to click to another Web site to confirm the news.

Bullshit, she would have had to disconnect from the internet, then call Cassie, then spent a few minutes dialing back into the modem.

# ? Nov 2, 2020 04:34

OctaviusBeaver: Apr 30, 2009; Say what now?

Rachel's family has money and 3 teenage (ish) daughters, they probably have 2 phone lines.

# ? Nov 2, 2020 04:45

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

OctaviusBeaver posted:

Rachel's family has money and 3 teenage daughters, they probably have 2 phone lines.

And probably a fax line too. Her mom's a lawyer and her dad's a weatherman. Rachel is straight up 90s Middle Class Rich.

# ? Nov 2, 2020 04:47

Wahad: May 19, 2011; There is no escape.

For some reason, this scene remains with me to this day as the first thing that comes to mind when I think of Animorphs. I don't know why this scene in particular, but the elephant crashing through the ceiling is a vivid mental image, I guess.

# ? Nov 2, 2020 08:18

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Yeah, it was the same for me, though I didn't remember why it happened. The way it ends (or at least, the climax chapter) has always stuck in my mind, too. And Rachel's new nickname she picks up in this book.

# ? Nov 2, 2020 10:21

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

I never made the connection between Power House and Tool Time. In my neighborhood as a kid there was a super fundie church called Power House that barraged us nightly with commercials with handsome young pastors telling us to accept jesus and stuff. I thought The Sharing was using a church as a front in this book until I just read those posts. Gosh.

# ? Nov 2, 2020 20:00

Mazerunner: Apr 22, 2010; Good Hunter, what... what is this post?

I think the bit that stuck with me the most over the years was Rachel getting devoured by ants, and then Jake's attempt at forcing an ant war, although I forgot the context of when/how that happened. Well, that and the fate of David=====

# ? Nov 3, 2020 00:11

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Book 12: The Reaction-Chapter 9

quote:

CRASH!

CRUNCH!
I staggered and fell against the rubble of my room and the even bigger mess of the kitchen. It was chaos! Nothing made any sense.

The stove sat at a ridiculous angle with a two-by-four piece of lumber spearing through its glass door. The refrigerator was open, with all its contents spilled out. A gallon of milk glub-glubbed all over the place.

Sara! Jordan! Had they been in the kitchen?

Had my mom?

Oh, God! No one could have survived being crushed under this mess!

�Rachel! Rachel!�

It was Jordan�s voice. She sounded scared but okay. And my elephant ears told me she was not in the room with me. She was out in the hallway. She couldn�t see me through the rubble.

I couldn�t answer. I didn�t have a human mouth or throat.

Could I get out of morph? I had to try.

I focused my mind on my own body. My human self. And slowly at first, then faster, I began to shrink.

Suddenly the boards and Sheetrock were no longer pressing in so tightly around me. In the hallway I could hear Jordan saying, �Nine-one-one? Um, um, we have an emergency! Our house fell in!�

I would have laughed � if I�d been sure Sara and my mother were both safe. Then I remembered - my mother was out. That just left Sara.

Meanwhile, I began to see the best sight in the world: human flesh emerging from the thick gray skin of the elephant. I was still on all fours, but I could see fingers beginning to grow from the massive elephant feet.

�Rachel! Rachel, where are you?�

Sara�s voice this time. She must have taken the phone. I breathed a huge sigh of relief.

�Yes, get here right away! Please! I think my sister is trapped!�

My trunk slurped up into my face, leaving my tiny human nose behind. I cleared my throat. Could I talk yet?

�Jordan?� I said. Yes. It was my voice. My own human voice!

�Rachel? Is that you?�

�Well, who else would it be?� I asked. I didn�t mean to sound sarcastic. I was scared half to death, and I get snippy when I�m scared.

�That�s Rachel, all right,� Sara said.

�Are you okay?�

�I�m bruised up,� I said. �But I guess I�ll live.�

Had I been in human form when the floor collapsed, I�d have been dead or on my way to a long
stay in a hospital for sure. On the other hand, if I�d been human, the floor wouldn�t have collapsed in the first place.

What was happening to me? Why in the heck had I morphed?
I had a few minutes to think that over while the paramedics and fire department and police and my mom and every person within six blocks showed up.
But there were no answers.

I had morphed without wanting to.

The fire department guys dug me out of the rubble. They kept telling me not to worry. What did they know? Had they ever suddenly turned into a crocodile? Had they ever had uncontrolled morphing?

Good point.

quote:

My mom was home by the time they dug me out. She did a lot of yelling and wailing and hugging and crying. They made me take an ambulance to the hospital to be checked over.

It was total E.R. for a while. I told them I was fine, but no one could believe it. No one could believe that a girl could be trapped in a collapsed house and still be unhurt.

Then the TV stations found out I was the same girl who had �fallen� into the crocodile pit. So for about an hour after that I had to answer really stupid questions from reporters who shoved cameras and lights in my face.

I sat there on the hospital bed, wearing the black leotard I wear for morphing, entirely surrounded by microphones being jabbed at me. I just kept thinking, Man, my hair is probably a mess.

�How did it feel to fall into a crocodile pit, then have your house fall down on you?�

�Not very good,� I answered.

�Don�t you think you�re incredibly lucky?�

�Um, no. If I were lucky I wouldn�t keep falling. Right?�

�But you weren�t hurt either time.�

�I think winning the lottery would be lucky. Having the house fall on me, that�s not all that lucky.�

Behind the cameras I saw a familiar face. Cassie. The two of us locked eyes. All I could do was shrug.�

Do you have any advice for other kids like yourself?�

�Um, yes. My advice is don�t fall into crocodile pits and don�t have the house fall on you.�

After that, the news people decided I was being sarcastic, I guess. They decided they�d had enough. Which was good, because I�d definitely had enough.

This is very stereotypically reporter. "How did it feel seeing your family eaten by wolves in front of you?"

quote:

�Sweetheart, are you okay?� my mom asked for about the millionth time once all the cameras were gone.

Cassie was right beside her. �Yeah, how are you?� she asked in a carefully neutral voice.

I shrugged. �I�m fine. I�d be even more fine if I weren�t suddenly �The Amazing Falling Girl.��

Unfortunately, my mom was not one of the people I could talk to openly about what had happened.

Cassie was. But that would have to wait till we were alone.

My mother laughed and ruffled my hair. �You are amazing, Rachel. It�s a miracle you survived. I think we should all be thankful.�

�Thankful? The house fell on me. The house is destroyed.�

�We have insurance,� my mom said. Then she grinned. �Plus we probably have the mother of all lawsuits. I mean, houses shouldn�t fall apart like that. We can go after the builder, all the contractors and subcontractors, the city inspectors, the previous owners, the ��

She went on like that for a while. See, my mom is a lawyer.

�Can we get out of here now?�

�The doctors say you�re okay. But the question is, where do we go? We can�t go back to the house and -�

�Daddy!�

I caught sight of him looming up behind Cassie. My parents are divorced. My dad lives in another state now, but I get to see him once a month. Most months, anyway.

�Hi, Dan,� my mom said in the fake-nice voice she uses with my dad.

�Hello, Naomi,� he said in his version of the fake-nice voice. Then in a genuine voice he said, �How�s my girl?�

I shrugged. �No biggie, Dad. The usual day: a little crocodile-diving in the morning, then the house falls in on me.�

He laughed. My dad is very cool. He�s a TV reporter himself. But not like the ones who�d been driving me crazy. My dad is more like one of those 60 Minutes guys. You know, like very responsible and serious.

At least on TV he�s serious. In regular life, he�s not that way at all.

�I saw the report on the thing at the zoo,� he said. �I caught the next flight. It never occurred to me you�d be performing another bizarre stunt the same day.�

�Yeah, well, that�s it for this week, though,� I said. �I figure that�s about enough excitement.�

He laughed and my mom rolled her eyes. She thinks I like my father better than her. That�s not true at all. Not really. It�s just that my mom is always around. Unlike my dad.

�Where are you all going to stay?� he asked my mother.

�At my mom�s, I guess,� she said. Under her breath she added, �until the old woman drives me stark raving nuts.�

My dad nodded in sympathy. �Look, I�m staying in town for a couple of days. I thought maybe I�d run interference for Rachel. Keep the media off her.�

�They seem to have given up on this story,� my mother said doubtfully.

My dad shook his head. �Don�t count on it. They were just trying to make their deadlines for the late news. This is a good human-interest story. But as a fellow reporter I might be able to warn some of them off.�

�Rachel can stay with me,� Cassie said. �I know my mom and dad wouldn�t mind.�

My father winked at her. �Thanks, Cassie.� Then he turned back to me. �Look, Rachel, I have a suite at the Fairview Hotel. Why not stay with me till this all blows over? Room service? Health club?�

�Cool! I mean, is it okay, Mom?�

She looked grumpy. �Well, it makes sense. I guess.�

We obviously only see it from Rachel's perspective, but I like the way her parents and their relationship are depicted. They obviously can't stand each other (although they make sure to keep it civil in front of the kids), but they both love their kids, and there's no indication either of them are bad people. There's even that sort of resentment the custodial parent has where the non-custodial parent gets to be the "good parent" when he comes visit, leaving the custodial parent having to be the disciplinarian.

quote:

Right then, I realized that a wonderful, perfect, golden opportunity had just opened up right in front of me.

�Dad? What you said about all the talk shows wanting to interview me? Wouldn�t it be better if I agreed to do just one show? Then the others would let me be. Right?�

He nodded. �Yeah. But, sweetie, you don�t have to do any show. I can get everyone off your back.�

�I could do one, though,� I said. �In fact � what do you think of the Barry and Cindy Sue Show? I heard they were coming to town.�

Both my parents looked confused. But I saw realization dawn in Cassie�s eyes.

�Barry and Cindy Sue?� my mom said.

�Rachel, why exactly would you want to do Barry and Cindy Sue?�

I saw Cassie just staring at me with her jaw hanging open. Like she couldn�t believe I was even thinking about the whole Jeremy Jason McCole thing at a time like this.

�Well, Daddy � there�s this guy. This actor � this kind of slightly cute actor ��

Rachel has an in!

Chapter 10

quote:

I went straight from the hospital to my dad�s hotel. Everyone had decided I needed rest. I didn�t.

What I did need was some answers.

What was happening to me?

The hotel room was on the twenty-second floor. I imagined what would happen if I suddenly morphed an elephant again. I�d crash down through twenty-two floors.

What on Earth was happening to me? I kept checking my hands and feet to see if I was still totally human.

I needed to talk to someone who understood. Someone I could really talk to. My dad was great, but he just kept talking about how the floor shouldn�t just fall in. After all, the house was only ten years old. And while they were at it, why didn�t the zoo make its railings higher so people wouldn�t be falling in with the crocodiles?

I hadn�t fallen into the croc pit. And the floor didn�t just happen to collapse. I had morphed an animal that weighed more than a couple of pickup trucks. Houses aren�t made for elephants.

I desperately wanted to call Cassie and talk to her on the phone. But we have a strict rule about that. You never know who is listening in on a phone call. So it would just have to wait.

Instead I called room service.

�I�d like a salad with the poppyseed dressing. And, um � I�d like the cheeseburger and fries. And cherry pie a la mode. And cancel the salad.�

I didn�t care about eating healthy. I didn�t care about fat. I was hungry. It had been a long, bad day. I deserved some grease and sugar.

�And do you make milk shakes? Chocolate milk shakes?�

Ah, to have a teenage metabolism again

quote:

I used the remote control to run through the Pay-Per-View choices. It was nothing but martial arts movies, crime movies, action-adventure movies � What I needed was a nice, calm romance. My life was an action-adventure movie.

The phone rang. I expected it to be the room service people checking back. �Yes?�

�Are you alone?� It was Cassie�s voice. I nearly collapsed from relief. I hadn�t even realized how incredibly tense I was.

�I�m so glad it�s you! Yes, my dad�s gone. At least for a couple hours.�

�Does your window open?�

I got up and checked. The window slid open easily. �Yes. You coming up?�

�Give me five minutes. Flick the lights a couple of times so I know which window is you.�

I spent the five minutes calling down to room service and ordering the salad again. And another piece of pie. For Cassie.

I was expecting her, but I was still a little startled when a great horned owl came flying in through the window.

<All clear?> Cassie asked anxiously.

�Yeah. But hurry up and morph out. Room service is coming.�

Morphing is never pretty to watch. In fact, it can be the most horrible thing in the world. If you weren�t expecting it, and just saw it happening for the first time, I promise you�d run screaming like a lunatic.

Especially some morphs. Trust me, you don�t ever want to see a person become a fly or a spider.

You think you�ve seen scary stuff on TV or in horror movies? Hah. Watch your friend turn into a bug. That will fill your dreams for a few weeks.

But if anyone can make morphing not totally vile and horrifying, it�s Cassie. Cassie has a natural talent for it. A natural ability.

So she looked almost normal as the feathers sank into her skin and disappeared. It didn�t even seem too bizarre when her own legs grew huge and tall from the owl�s short, deadly talons.

It was her head that changed last. Cassie has the ability to do that: sort of control the order things morph. I can�t even come close. Even Ax can�t do it.
Finally, the big owl eyes became Cassie�s own deep, dark eyes.

There came a knock at the door. I held up a hand to calm Cassie. �It�s just room service. You like pie, right?�

The waiter wheeled a small table into the room. It was loaded with my burger and Cassie�s salad and two pieces of pie and my milk shake.

I signed the check and added a tip. See, I�d visited my dad in hotels before. I knew the routine pretty well.
Cassie laughed when the waiter had gone. �You�re going to have to be rich when you grow up, Rachel. I mean, this is all so natural for you. You fit right in.�

I grinned. �I have a natural talent for spending money. What can I say? It�s my burden to bear.�

Cassie got serious. �Okay. Talk to me. What happened?�

�What? You mean you don�t believe that the floor of my bedroom just happened to fall in?�

She shook her head. �No.�

I took a big bite of the burger, chewed, and swallowed. �I think I must have fallen asleep. I was clicking around some Web sites � Suddenly, I was morphing into that big crocodile from today.� I shrugged and took another bite.

�You just started morphing?�

�Yeah. I don�t know � I mean, I thought I was awake. But I must have been dreaming.�

�Uh-uh. I dream all the time,� Cassie said. �I�ve never morphed in my sleep.�

I didn�t want to dismiss the possibility it was a dream that caused me to morph. The alternative - that I was just out of control - was worse. �Are you going to eat that salad? It cost like ten dollars.�

�We all have nightmares and stuff. None of us has ever just started morphing.� Cassie dug into her salad. But she was watching me all the time.

I concentrated on my burger. �What can I say? That must be what happened. I must have had a
nightmare.�

�And you morphed the croc and it made the floor fall in?�
I shifted nervously. �Okay, look, actually, it was my elephant morph. See, I think what happened is that maybe I just dreamed the part about morphing the crocodile. Because then I went straight into another morph, and then � when I woke up � I was an elephant.�

Cassie looked down at her plate like she was embarrassed. �Rachel. It�s me, okay? Me. Cassie. Your best friend. I know when you�re not telling the complete truth.�

That killed off what was left of my appetite. I put the burger down. �Okay, look. I don�t know what happened, all right? I was on-line, I was getting kind of logy the way I do when I�m staring at a computer screen. Then all of a sudden I�m going crocodile.�

�We have to talk to Ax about this. He�s an Andalite. Maybe it�s some normal thing that happens sometimes.�

�It better not be something that just happens,� I said. �I could have killed Jordan and Sara. It was just dumb luck that they were in the living room, not the kitchen.�

Cassie nodded. �Yeah. Well, we need to talk to Ax.�

I reached across the table and took her hand. �But not Jake, okay? He�ll just get all responsible.

He won�t let me do anything. He�ll tell me to stay home.�

�That�s what you should do.�

�No.� I shook my head violently. �What I need is to stay focused. The more focused I am, the less likely that will ever happen again. I�m not going to let it happen.� I really hoped that was true.

Yes! Tell Jake! Tell all of them! These kids sometimes.

quote:

I picked up my burger. Cassie stared at me for a while, then she started picking at her salad again.�

Okay,� she said after a while. �But we talk to Ax.�

�Deal,� I said.

�By the way. It turns out Jeremy Jason McCole is already in town.�

�What?�

She nodded. Then she smiled. �It was on Entertainment Tonight. He�s staying on this big yacht owned by some movie producer. He�s out on the bay right now.�

�We still need to figure out if he�s already a Controller or not,� I said. �I asked Jordan what she�d do if she thought there was some way she could get close to Jeremy Jason McCole. She basically said she�d walk barefoot over broken glass.�

�I�m not surprised,� Cassie said. �A year ago I�d probably have been right behind her.� She grinned crookedly. �Love is a powerful force.�

I attacked my burger again. �So? We go see Jeremy Jason on this yacht? The movie producer guy could be a Controller.�

�That�s what Jake and Marco and Tobias and Ax and I already talked about. We thought tomorrow after school we�d maybe go out there and take a look.�

�Jake, Marco � all of them? They�re coming, too?�

�Somehow they don�t seem to exactly trust you and me alone with Jeremy Jason.�

�On a yacht, huh?� Rachel mused. �He�ll probably be lying out in a bathing suit.�

�Mmmm.�

�Mmm-hmm.�

Just as a note, the "Rachel mused" is original text. Unless Rachel has started talking about herself in the third person, it should probably be "I mused", but...

Anyway, it's more adolescent horniness.

# ? Nov 3, 2020 03:08

disaster pastor: May 1, 2007

Epicurius posted:

quote:
�Plus we probably have the mother of all lawsuits. I mean, houses shouldn�t fall apart like that. We can go after the builder, all the contractors and subcontractors, the city inspectors, the previous owners, the ��

As a youngster, this bothered me: yeah, Rachel's mom doesn't and can't know what actually happened to the house, but the builder/contractors/inspectors/previous owner did nothing wrong! Houses aren't built to elephant specs!

I think I just decided she didn't go through with it since it's never mentioned again.

Epicurius posted:

Just as a note, the "Rachel mused" is original text. Unless Rachel has started talking about herself in the third person, it should probably be "I mused", but...

Honestly, given the one-book-each-month scheduling, the fact that there are so few editing errors like this one is impressive.

# ? Nov 3, 2020 05:44

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Mazerunner posted:

I think the bit that stuck with me the most over the years was Rachel getting devoured by ants, and then Jake's attempt at forcing an ant war, although I forgot the context of when/how that happened. Well, that and the fate of David=====

Yeah, of course, David. I think I remember thinking that ending/plot felt right, but this series had some brutal books.

disaster pastor posted:

Honestly, given the one-book-each-month scheduling, the fact that there are so few editing errors like this one is impressive.

But surely Scholastic had editors proper on the payroll?

# ? Nov 3, 2020 08:28

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Epicurius posted:

This is very stereotypically reporter. "How did it feel seeing your family eaten by wolves in front of you?"

There was a kid abducted and murdered in Australia a while ago and his parents became huge, well-known child safety advocates. On the ten year anniversary of his death they released an app (in partnership with some government agency I guess) designed to be a sort of panic button for kids. First question from a journo in the piece I was watching: "So why did you decide to make this app?"

# ? Nov 3, 2020 09:14

disaster pastor: May 1, 2007

Fuschia tude posted:

But surely Scholastic had editors proper on the payroll?

Yup, that's what I mean. I'm not surprised something like this snuck through, because I'm sure they had a lot to catch.

# ? Nov 3, 2020 14:12

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Book 12: The Reaction-Chapter 11

quote:

I woke up approximately fifty times during the night. I kept having to check to make sure I was human. And I had some seriously odd dreams. In one, I morphed into Jeremy Jason and then got fly eyes.

Not a good night�s sleep. My dad came in from the next room at about four in the morning to tell me I woke him up talking in my sleep.

�You were yelling, �Crocodile not alligator!�� he said.

Fortunately, he just figured it was stress from the insane day I�d had. He was right. But he didn�t know half of it.

I took a taxi from the hotel to school. It beat taking the bus, that�s for sure. Maybe Cassie was right. Maybe I�ll have to be rich when I grow up.

For the first couple of periods I had to put up with kids saying brilliant things like, �Hey! It�s Crocodile Dundee!� And, �Stay away from me. You�ll make the school fall down.�

And then there were the people who actually seemed jealous. �I guess you think you�re cool just because you nearly got killed twice in one day,� one girl said.

�Yeah, that�s right,� I said. �Later, just to prove how cool I am, I�m going to jump off a cliff.�

By the time lunch was over, most people had gotten the message that I didn�t really want to talk about it.

Then I was called to the assistant principal�s office.

Chapman�s office.

I guess I should explain. Chapman is one of them. He�s a high-ranking Controller. He�s one of the leaders of The Sharing.

He once came very close to having me killed. Not that he knew it was me, really. But still, I kind
of resented it.

I walked the empty hallway, clutching my hall pass and wondering how I was going to escape if Chapman was waiting for me with a bunch of Hork-Bajir warriors.

�Rachel, come on in, come on in. Have a seat.�

Chapman looks perfectly normal. He�s a little bald, but normal-looking. That�s the problem with Controllers: They don�t look any different.

�Um, what�s this about, Mr. Chapman?� I asked nervously. I was playing the role of any normal kid who gets called to the assistant principal�s office. It was easy to act nervous.

He waved his hand dismissively. �I just wanted to talk to the big celebrity.�

I sat down, but I stayed tense and ready to spring into action. Did Chapman suspect? Had he figured out that I hadn�t just fallen into the crocodile pit? Had he figured out that I was the crocodile who had carried the little boy to safety?

I was dead meat if he had. The Yeerks believe we are a group of Andalite bandits. See, they know they�re getting attacked by a group of people who can morph. It just never occurs to them that humans could morph.

If they knew the truth � well, there�s a good reason we keep the truth a secret.

Must be hard not knowing if your vice principal wants to talk to you about something or kill you

quote:

�So.�

�So,� I agreed.

�Yesterday was quite a day for you,� Chapman said.

�Yes, sir.�

�You were very lucky. Twice.�

�Yes. I guess so. But I guess the way I look at it, I was unlucky twice.�

He nodded like I�d said something deep. �No injuries?�

I shook my head. �No.�

�Amazing,� he said. Then he narrowed his eyes and stared hard at me. �Rachel. Your grades have dropped this last semester. Not a lot. But your teachers think you aren�t applying yourself the way you used to.�

�I still have an A average,� I pointed out.

�Barely.�

I squirmed in my seat. This was insane. I wasn�t sure if I was being interrogated by a dangerous Controller who suspected my true identity. Or if I was just being lectured about my grades by an assistant principal.

�Has anything changed in your life lately?�

I almost swallowed my tongue. Had anything changed? Like, for example, being given the power to morph by a dying alien and ending up fighting an invasion of Earth by parasite slugs from outer space?

�Um � nope,� I said. �No big changes.�

He smiled an understanding smile. �Your parents got divorced, didn�t they? And didn�t your father move away?�

I tried not to look too relieved. But I definitely sighed. �Oh, yeah. Oh, that. Um, yes. Maybe that�s why my grades are down a little. That must be it. You know, the trauma and all.�

I felt my feet itching. It was a strange thing to notice right then, with Chapman staring at me like I was some mystery he was trying to understand. But they were definitely itching. And I was feeling flushed � warm all over.

�Well, as you may or may not know, Rachel, I am the local head of a wonderful group called The Sharing.�

And that�s when my heart stopped beating.

So now is clearly not a good time for this.

Chapter 12

quote:

My heart missed about four beats before it started up again, going a hundred miles an hour. �Uhhuh,�

I said, trying not to let the adrenaline rush overwhelm me.

Get ready, I told myself. Get ready.

�We like to think we offer some help to kids who may be going through a bad time,� Chapman said. �We have an awful lot of fun. Camp-outs. Bonfire barbecues on the beach. Just a month or so back we had a big waterskiing trip up to a mountain lake.�

I could have said, �Yes, I know. We were there, too, but not exactly in human shapes.� Instead I said, �That sounds like fun.�

�It is fun,� Chapman said with total sincerity.

�And a lot of our members are kids who come from troubled homes. Kids with problems. But they�re also kids who want to make life better. They�re hopeful, optimistic kids. When I saw you handling yourself so well on the news last night I thought, you know, I should offer Rachel this opportunity. She�s just the kind of person who could really benefit from The Sharing.�

You can sort of see the appeal for kids who are feeling insecure or don't have a lot of friends or who have problems. Just a club where you can have fun with other kids and get away from your problems.

quote:

�How did I look on TV?� I asked.

�Very self-possessed. Very attractive and very mature.�

�Cool.�

�But �� He sighed. �I have to wonder at the same time if maybe you don�t have some problems in your life. I mean, the stories all say you fell into the crocodile pit ��

I held my breath. Here it comes! He suspects!

� � but I don�t believe in accidents. I have to wonder if maybe you have some problems that made you, shall we say, careless.�

I barked out a laugh. Then I stopped myself. He thought I was suicidal! Did he think I�d sawed through the floor of my house, too? Good grief. That�s why he was trying to recruit me for The Sharing. He thought I was depressed or whatever. A perfect recruit for his little Controller organization.

Yeah, right. Where do I sign up, Mr. Chapman? Could there be a special discount on dues for Animorphs?

I shook my head. �No. Actually, I�m very happy.�

Once again, a feeling like pins and needles of warmth swarming over me. I shifted my feet. The feeling was familiar �

Oh, no!

Oh, no! My feet!

I looked down and it took every single ounce of my self-control to keep the look of horror from my face.

My feet were swelling. They were growing thick, shaggy brown fur. They were swelling and straining my shoes. The laces were strained tight.

�I know you say everything is fine, Rachel, but -�

SNAP!

He frowned. �What was that?�

SNAP!

�Nothing,� I said in a squeaky voice.

�I heard something pop.�

My laces had snapped from the pressure. I shook my head. �No.�

�Anyway, what I was saying, was � Rachel? Are you listening?�

No, I wasn�t listening. I was busy trying to see if any other parts of me were turning into grizzly bear. Because, see, that�s what it was. I�d seen those feet before. They were bear feet.

�Um, yes! Yes. I am listening very closely!�

Oh, please! No way! I can�t morph here! Not right in Chapman�s office. I focused. I concentrated. Demorph!

Chapman just kept droning on. On and on about The Sharing. And all the while, my shoes were torn to ribbons. And my legs, from the knees down, grew shaggy with long, rough brown fur. And hard nails grew where my toes had been.

�Anyway,� Chapman said, suddenly glancing at his watch. �I�m going on and on. And you need to get back to class.�

�What?� I asked frantically.

�Just think about it, Rachel,� Chapman said. �Now, go straight back to class. No dawdling.�

I gulped. What could I do?

I bent over and quickly stuffed the torn remnants of my shoes into my backpack.

My feet were like huge, fur boots.

In fact �

I stood up and headed for the door. I paused with my hand on the knob. I turned back and saw Chapman staring hard at my feet.

�Oh, you like my new boots?� I asked.

Chapman smiled. �The things you kids will wear.�

�Heh-heh. Yeah, I guess I�m just a fashion victim.�

I got out of there fast. By the time I made it to the girls� room my feet had returned to normal. I walked barefoot to the gym and got my gym shoes.

I was shaking more than I had from falling into the crocodiles the day before.

After all, a crocodile can only kill you. Chapman is a Yeerk. And they can do things that make plain old death seem easy.

I'm glad she's not telling the rest of the Animorphs about this except for Cassie and Ax, because she clearly has this under control.

# ? Nov 4, 2020 03:45

Rochallor: Apr 23, 2010; ふっっっっっっっっっっっっｃｋ

It's so surreal that in addition to managing an alien invasion of Earth, Chapman also has to participate in education conferences and host PTA meetings. It's a nice inversion of the Animorphs' situation, in fact.

# ? Nov 4, 2020 07:26

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

Rochallor posted:

It's so surreal that in addition to managing an alien invasion of Earth, Chapman also has to participate in education conferences and host PTA meetings. It's a nice inversion of the Animorphs' situation, in fact.

<Iniss, what are you doing?>

"Apologies, My Visser, I need to finish signing off on these report cards. Can I call you back?"

# ? Nov 4, 2020 08:49

disaster pastor: May 1, 2007

Rochallor posted:

It's so surreal that in addition to managing an alien invasion of Earth, Chapman also has to participate in education conferences and host PTA meetings. It's a nice inversion of the Animorphs' situation, in fact.

It still works for him, though. He can use those as recruiting opportunities, voluntary or otherwise. Meanwhile, the kids aren't exactly sitting in class looking for chances to tell their teacher about the Yeerks.

# ? Nov 4, 2020 15:17

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

disaster pastor posted:

It still works for him, though. He can use those as recruiting opportunities, voluntary or otherwise. Meanwhile, the kids aren't exactly sitting in class looking for chances to tell their teacher about the Yeerks.

What would a parent teacher interview between a Yeerk teacher and a Yeerk parent even look like?

# ? Nov 4, 2020 16:15

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# ? May 24, 2024 04:05

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Rochallor posted:

It's so surreal that in addition to managing an alien invasion of Earth, Chapman also has to participate in education conferences and host PTA meetings. It's a nice inversion of the Animorphs' situation, in fact.

8:30 AM-Morning Announcements
8:45 AM-Meet w/principal re expansion of computer lab
11:00 AM-Review of compliance w/state guidelines re school nutrition requirements
12:00 AM- Taco Tuesday at cafeteria!
1:00 PM-Leave early for dentist appointment
3:30 PM-Delay Flight 253 to Chicago at airport so that VIPs can get implanted
6:00 PM-Dinner w/Carlsons

# ? Nov 4, 2020 16:40

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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