(Thread IKs:
Josherino)
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Amazing story OB-GYN Kenobi, thanks for sharing it. OB-GYN Kenobi posted:Now that I'm at rock loving bottom can I finally see that im better off. Ya it's so often the case that we have to hit our lowest before we can start the path to happiness, glad to see you're on it. Your story reminded me of a friend with BPD, MDD, SUD, you name it. He'll take on everyone's poo poo and hate himself for it but won't admit his darkest and earliest pain so it controls him like it controlled you. Things always escalate to a breaking point and he goes to inpatient, or his parents get involved, or whatever and they lower the energy so he can get back to his alcohol but nobody in his system really wants him to get better because that's his role. It hurts to watch the cycle repeat every few years for two decades but that's that.
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Nov 15, 2020 18:22
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| # ? May 25, 2024 03:33 |
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God, I wish I could stop being angry. I know I've mentioned in the thread that I lost my job back in April after a personal health crisis and I just can't get over it. I didn't love the job, but it was tolerable - the work felt meaningful even if my impact on clients was secondary to the aim of capital in the C-suite. COVID happened, I lost that job and went crawling back to a previous employer that feels just as toxic and abusive of a relationship it was when I quit 3 years ago. Most days I'm okay. So long as I don't have to deal with any cybersecurity related anything I'm on a pretty even keel all day. All it takes, though, is one duckduckgo ad or one company-wide email about a phishing campaign being leveled at the company. But that one ad? That one email? That one wayward /r/netsec post that rose to the front page? It's like flipping a switch. Instant, all-consuming anger. Rage. Violent fantasies bubble to the surface of my mind and it's off to the races. As angry as I am right away, I manage to get angrier. I remember all the money it's cost me to start over with new high-deductible Healthcare plans twice (once for Oscar while I was unemployed thank you Obama/Kusher!) once again at the job I went back to), how demeaning it felt to go back to an employer I'd sworn 'never again' to and crawl on my knees begging for a job, any job, because I'm not done recovering and still need expensive medical help that I can't afford without a job and I already tried the NOC and their hiring is frozen so please hire me for a lovely contracts renewal role, and I'm just so loving mad for hours. I understand that I'm privileged in this sense - I have a job, I have health insurance, I'm now 6 months later well on the road to recovery but... I just can't get over the anger, and it's debilitating.
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Nov 15, 2020 18:43
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T-man posted:im so tired of being miserable and alone. why me? every time it gets harder to try again. what's the point, I'm a broken person and always will be. same, it sucks and I will die alone and unloved
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Nov 16, 2020 03:20
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Not sure if this is the best place to ask, but I suppose it's worth a shot. A friend of mine just told me they're struggling a bit with dysphoria, and they're having a hard time finding communities to discuss this with. Their first experience was in a chaser discord, and that proved to be a pretty toxic group quite quickly. Does anyone here know of any internet communities that would be good for them to join? When they mentioned it to me I was quite surprised to realize I didn't really know of any, but I told them I'd ask around.
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Nov 16, 2020 03:59
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do you ever wish your parents were dead so you wouldn’t feel guilty about killing yourself
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Nov 16, 2020 17:32
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gently caress gently caress gently caress 2020 continues to blow, just found out an acquaintance in town passed away last night, knew her for years
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Nov 16, 2020 18:56
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T-man posted:im so tired of being miserable and alone. indigi posted:same, it sucks and I will die alone and unloved Me too, friends. 
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Nov 16, 2020 20:42
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my brother, who none of the rest of my family is very close to because he constantly pushes us away, is having some kind of breakdown and may be losing his housing arrangement. i am completely powerless to do anything to help him and boy oh boy i am feeling some feelings about this situation right now!
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Nov 16, 2020 21:00
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has anyone else noticed shortages of their brain meds? my pharmacy is having a hell of a time keeping my mood stabilizer in stock (they're only filling like 10-20 days worth at a time and every time I call in for a refill they tell me the order will arrive in a couple of days) and this has me loving terrified I asked a couple local friends and they both said their completely unrelated pills are being handled the same way
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Nov 17, 2020 05:40
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blatman posted:has anyone else noticed shortages of their brain meds? my pharmacy is having a hell of a time keeping my mood stabilizer in stock (they're only filling like 10-20 days worth at a time and every time I call in for a refill they tell me the order will arrive in a couple of days) and this has me loving terrified nope and i hope it is an anomaly in your area
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Nov 17, 2020 06:33
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indigi posted:do you ever wish your parents were dead so you wouldn’t feel guilty about killing yourself one of my parents is dead and the other is dead to me and i will still linger on to see how this all shakes out until death reaches for me, not the other way around
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Nov 17, 2020 13:07
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T-man posted:im so tired of being miserable and alone. why me? every time it gets harder to try again. what's the point, I'm a broken person and always will be. Youre an inspiration and i thought about how you post stuff about loving being on estrogen when i got scared to make my hrt doc appt. I got scripts for spiro and estradiol from Plume 20mim ago and you specifically were one of the reasons i wasnt scared to do it.
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Nov 18, 2020 02:01
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T-man posted:im so tired of being miserable and alone. why me? every time it gets harder to try again. what's the point, I'm a broken person and always will be. hey t-man i just wanna pile on here i think you are cool and a fun poster in fun threads, and your perspective as a trans person is extremely important in effort threads and i appreciate the effort you put into them.
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Nov 18, 2020 02:44
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t-man you're out of the club, it's just me and shifty nipples now.
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Nov 18, 2020 03:43
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thanks everyone. I'm feeling better thanks to all of you. ❤️😇 i hope things feel less bad for everyone else too.
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Nov 18, 2020 03:43
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Without going into details I made some mistakes in my past that will not stop reaching out to grab me and pull me down whenever i feel like I'm getting a millimeter ahead and I'm frankly about at the end of my rope after today's episode of it I could solve a lot of this if I could just get back into my actual field of programming but the gap in my employment is making that incredibly hard especially right now and the job I do have barely covers anything and I'm constantly one financial hit away from just being entirely broke and it feels like the system is directly set up to keep me that way unless I get lucky and win the lottery or something and i'm just so tired and i just needed to vent and im not gonna do anything stupid but if i didn't have here to at least laugh at the world i dunno how id be thanks
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Nov 18, 2020 07:07
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having a moment accepting having to prevent myself from explaining to a normal person why cops shouldn't be pissed on if they are on fire, the 'crack ping' of trying to re-enter normal society for the necessary dollar
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Nov 18, 2020 07:39
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I'm so close to just going ahead and plucking a chicken and giving up trying to communicate anything otherwise. People are so impossible to deal with. I'm feeling cynical on a profound level.
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Nov 18, 2020 12:50
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Is it normal to feel a little depressed right now?
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Nov 19, 2020 02:05
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MOVIE MAJICK posted:Is it normal to feel a little depressed right now? Probably. Anything in particular got you down?
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Nov 19, 2020 02:20
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MOVIE MAJICK posted:Is it normal to feel a little depressed right now? yes
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Nov 19, 2020 03:40
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MOVIE MAJICK posted:Is it normal to feel a little depressed right now? With all that is going on in the world it is reasonable to feel a little down. So don't beat yourself up about it.
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Nov 19, 2020 03:54
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Honestly, I'm actually feeling better.
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Nov 19, 2020 04:41
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No. 6 posted:Honestly, I'm actually feeling better. hell yeah comrade
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Nov 19, 2020 06:19
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No. 6 posted:Honestly, I'm actually feeling better. Glad to hear it friend 
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Nov 19, 2020 08:14
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indigi posted:do you ever wish your parents were dead so you wouldn’t feel guilty about killing yourself yeah 
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Nov 19, 2020 14:21
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Sunny Side Up has issued a correction as of 18:48 on Dec 14, 2020 |
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Nov 19, 2020 19:32
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fast cars loose anus posted:I could solve a lot of this if I could just get back into my actual field of programming but the gap in my employment is making that incredibly hard i know you're mostly just venting, but: are there any unverifiable lies you could tell to fill in that gap? including, for example, family issues, running your own company, a temporary career change, etc.
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Nov 19, 2020 19:59
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I'm honestly doing just about as well as I was doing before the pandemic. Except now I feel much more free to express the way I feel.
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Nov 19, 2020 23:48
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The way I feel is generally surly, except when someone starts going on about pseudoscience bullshit about health or about how the world is a just place where everything happens for a reason or about how it'll all work out without any real effort because they want to be comfortable and not feel bad about it. At which case it's various degrees of creative about extremely loudly telling them to shut their mouth.
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Nov 19, 2020 23:53
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i have been working on government legislation as a survivor activist for nine months now and it is killing me in the middle of covid i pushed myself to go back to school and to reach for my dreams and i have finals and grad school applications and stupid loving bill poo poo to do all at once and i am this close to just breaking in half i can't do this any more it's all too too much
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Nov 20, 2020 03:21
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can you punt the applications to next semester?
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Nov 20, 2020 03:22
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Soap Scum posted:i know you're mostly just venting, but: are there any unverifiable lies you could tell to fill in that gap? including, for example, family issues, running your own company, a temporary career change, etc. "Trying a new career" is the not totally a lie I'm going with
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Nov 20, 2020 03:53
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RadiRoot has issued a correction as of 04:24 on Nov 20, 2020 |
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Nov 20, 2020 04:13
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indigi posted:can you punt the applications to next semester? nope, all of them are in december and january for some reason and I apparently should have been applying for scholarships back in loving october
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Nov 20, 2020 04:26
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fast cars loose anus posted:"Trying a new career" is the not totally a lie I'm going with yeah sounds good. it won't be a hit everywhere i'm sure but eventually you'll have interviewers who see that as a positive, "fresh perspective," etc. job searching sucks but you can do it 💪
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Nov 20, 2020 05:15
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there is nothing promising ahead and it’s too late to rise up. revolution is a mirage. AI, automation, and gig work are our future. we will look. sick wistfully on the relative privacy that zoom meetings afforded us back in 2020, when things were still good. I tried to - in 2014 and now I just go on by spite and embarrassment. How do you go on?
mawarannahr has issued a correction as of 10:02 on Nov 20, 2020 |
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Nov 20, 2020 09:01
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giving up means the bastards won if hope isn't an option, stay for spite
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Nov 20, 2020 10:01
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T-man posted:giving up means the bastards won I cannot stress enough how effective this is. Healthy? Jury's out. But boy does my engine get a lot of miles out of a tank full of pure, unrefined spite. e: oh, my, what a happy coincidence. i just got a delivery of 12 unstable gallons of spite. oh joyous day! Lib and let die has issued a correction as of 14:09 on Nov 20, 2020 |
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Nov 20, 2020 12:33
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| # ? May 25, 2024 03:33 |
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T-man posted:giving up means the bastards won
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Nov 20, 2020 13:52
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