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I grew up very rural in the 1980s and thought it was very nice, I had friends my age, they all lived within half a km of us. It was remote but the few houses around where clustered pretty close. We had no store or anything in my village though but a lake right behind the house and lots of forest. My grandparents where a few hundred meters away and I spent a lot of time there growing up. Currently I'm living somewhat less rural, municipality of 6000, neighboring a city of 60k. I would say it's child friendly here, nearly zero crime. There are bike and pedestrian roads that allow the kids to get all the way to school and back on those (3km to school, I'd say that's perfectly doable by bike at age 7-8), and just a km away there is a sports hall and ice rink. I think it's a good place for kids. Though I can't say we visit very often, we're bad at the whole organized hobby lifestyle, probably because I never experienced it due to my upbringing, feels kinda alien really. Just used to do whatever I wanted when I wanted to. I think it's important to grow up close to nature and not live such a hectic and commercially influenced lifestyle, there's more than enough of than when you grow up. His Divine Shadow fucked around with this message at 13:18 on Dec 30, 2020 |
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Dec 30, 2020 13:15
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Thank you for posting this link! I love this list so much and want all the books for my son.
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Dec 30, 2020 18:23
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Boz0r posted:My 2 year old boy has cerebral palsy affecting all his limbs, and he doesn't really seem interested in learning to speak. He recently got a sound activated toy that rolls around for a few seconds when he makes a sound, but if we don't hold our arms around his table the thing will fall on the floor. He seems to love it, though, and sounds like he's actually trying to communicate. Not exactky the same but ours loves one plush that you just activate once by pressing on its hand and reacts if you speak to it... by returning your original sounds in a high pitch for as long as you want. Kind of a feedback loop nightmare when both kid and plush laugh like maniacs, but it's fun.
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Dec 31, 2020 01:13
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Boz0r posted:My 2 year old boy has cerebral palsy affecting all his limbs, and he doesn't really seem interested in learning to speak. He recently got a sound activated toy that rolls around for a few seconds when he makes a sound, but if we don't hold our arms around his table the thing will fall on the floor. He seems to love it, though, and sounds like he's actually trying to communicate. My daughter turned 2 in October and all the words she previously learned she won’t say again. Our pediatrician referred us to speech therapy and we did her evaluation on Monday. We constantly talk to her and she’s talked to all day long at daycare so we didn’t know what was going on. Turns out she is so focused on play that she ignores everything around her. She understands what we are saying but we have to basically now force her to talk to us (the speech pathologist showed us how). One thing that really struck me and hit me hard was she told me I need to ignore my instinct of knowing exactly what she wants when she cries. I have to make her tell me. I’m apparently too good at knowing what she wants by how she cries.  So I have been working on that. It’s only been a few days but dude this kid is saying words I’ve never heard her say now. We were putting a puzzle together last night and I held the pieces hostage and got her to say “block”. Of course it wasn’t super clear but she made an effort so it was rewarded. We are also working on sign language even though she said it wasn’t super necessary because she thinks she will have a speech explosion after 2.5 years old. But it’s been helpful so far, she asked for more mac n cheese Tuesday night with sign language so she got more mac n cheese! If you haven’t looked into speech therapy definitely give it a shot. Just the evaluation helped us soooooo much.
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Dec 31, 2020 18:00
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Looking for thoughts on which kind of potty is better for training: The seat that you put on a regular toilet, or a free standing commode? The toilet seat would be simpler in terms of cleaning since all you do is flush, but the commode seems like an easier idea for a little kid to grasp? Going to try potty training our 20 month old soon and I can’t make up my mind which to get.
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Jan 1, 2021 18:05
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get one that converts and does both . little potties are so much easier for littler toddlers, and the consistence of still using the same seat make the transition to the big toilet easier for our oldest.
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Jan 1, 2021 18:21
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It may be early, but we got a potty training toilet for our 7.5mo. He telegraph's his poops very consistently so we're just gonna start by putting him on it every time he does. Don't know if that's gonna be a good idea this young, but might as well try it and see how it goes.
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Jan 1, 2021 18:32
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I greatly preferred the kind that’s just a mini seat built into the lid / seat of a regular toilet. The little potty chairs gross me out. Just put a sturdy step stool with it, and the kid should have no issues climbing up and down.
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Jan 1, 2021 18:58
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For a 20mo I would go with the little potty that they can run to and use independently, the big toilet can be pretty intimidating. Just have them also practice using other toilets so they don’t get particular about one potty. We transitioned from little potty to insert to regular seat with no issues (except teaching him to point down when there was no pee guard took awhile).
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Jan 1, 2021 20:17
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L0cke17 posted:It may be early, but we got a potty training toilet for our 7.5mo. He telegraph's his poops very consistently so we're just gonna start by putting him on it every time he does. Don't know if that's gonna be a good idea this young, but might as well try it and see how it goes. Our 2mo is using the potty at least 50% of the time now, for both poo and pee. We're doing elimination communication, which basically holds that there's no age too young to be offering a kid opportunities to go outside the diaper. We've had friends who did it, and had their kids fully toilet trained by age 2. So yeah, nothing wrong with what you're doing, and look into elimination communication if you want a bit of a framework and other ideas.
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Jan 1, 2021 21:32
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Both of my kids took pity on us and slept in until 9am today. My wife was actually worried when my 4yo didn't come in at 8 since that's when his clock says he can wake up. Turns out he was still asleep and she woke him up. He then told me "Mommy woke me up, you're not supposed to wake up people" which is loving rich coming from a guy whose mission in life is making sure his baby sister can't nap nearby. It's sweet how much he loves her but if she's lying down or something, he asks what she's doing and gets right in her face, awake or asleep. Also it's crazy how much better my 5mo's sleep has been since we moved her into an actual crib. She went from a bassinet to a travel crib since we were preparing for a move and assembled our old crib after the move. She's taking 2-3 naps fairly reliably and sleeping 8-9 hours a time at night. A big improvement from the travel crib but I think Ferber sleep training helped too. It took a week or two but now she can reliably self-soothe by sucking her fingers.
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Jan 1, 2021 22:00
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Sarah posted:My daughter turned 2 in October and all the words she previously learned she won’t say again. Our pediatrician referred us to speech therapy and we did her evaluation on Monday. We constantly talk to her and she’s talked to all day long at daycare so we didn’t know what was going on. Turns out she is so focused on play that she ignores everything around her. She understands what we are saying but we have to basically now force her to talk to us (the speech pathologist showed us how).
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Jan 1, 2021 22:17
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Tagichatn posted:Both of my kids took pity on us and slept in until 9am today. My wife was actually worried when my 4yo didn't come in at 8 since that's when his clock says he can wake up. Turns out he was still asleep and she woke him up. He then told me "Mommy woke me up, you're not supposed to wake up people" which is loving rich coming from a guy whose mission in life is making sure his baby sister can't nap nearby. It's sweet how much he loves her but if she's lying down or something, he asks what she's doing and gets right in her face, awake or asleep. My 6 year old slept so late on Christmas morning I had to go wake her up. After I told her it was Christmas morning... She asked for a few more minutes sleep. Wut.
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Jan 1, 2021 23:23
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Both the toddler and the six month old slept until after 7 am this morning and honestly, that was heaven.
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Jan 1, 2021 23:57
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Koivunen posted:Looking for thoughts on which kind of potty is better for training: The seat that you put on a regular toilet, or a free standing commode? I'd get both, possibly in multiple. Right now we have a toddler potty in the bathroom, and one in the trunk (especially important now since public restrooms are plague biohazards). We also have a big toilet insert. They all came from yard sales so it didn't cost much. We also have a few folding step stools that get used for potty access and many other things. femcastra posted:Both the toddler and the six month old slept until after 7 am this morning and honestly, that was heaven. I trained my toddler not to wake us until 7. Very worth it.
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Jan 2, 2021 04:14
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PerniciousKnid posted:
Our days usually start at 6, and she sleeps until 6.20, so it’s a sleep in compared to the usual routine.
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Jan 2, 2021 05:35
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The new thread title stings. I think ultimately it will be one of the main causes of the eventual demise of my marriage. The lack of solitude part, not the sex part, I lost my sex drive like a couple months of childcare in and after nearly 3 years, I don't even really want it to come back. With solitude, there's only so much sleep I can sacrifice and it's now catching up. I guess I'm not in a good place today.
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Jan 2, 2021 13:28
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Tonton Macoute posted:The new thread title stings. Get counseling and talk to your partner about your needs. A couples counselor can help facilitate that conversation if you have trouble talking about it.
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Jan 2, 2021 13:51
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Lead out in cuffs posted:Get counseling and talk to your partner about your needs. A couples counselor can help facilitate that conversation if you have trouble talking about it. Thank you. I am sure you mean well and I appreciate that. We are overdue for that sort of thing, but the way 2020 has been going, it's complicated right now. Proverbially speaking, I'd rather have the shore in sight before starting to rock the boat. Right now I just want to vent and be told that it's OK for a dad to want solitude that is not "revenge bedtime procrastination" and hopefully gain enough validation to grin and bear it for another six months when things could be better.
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Jan 2, 2021 14:17
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Tonton Macoute posted:Right now I just want to vent and be told that it's OK for a dad to want solitude that is not "revenge bedtime procrastination" and hopefully gain enough validation to grin and bear it for another six months when things could be better. It's absolutely ok One of the things I've struggled with since my kid was born is finding enough time to address my own needs. I don't think I realized just how much of those needs were quiet, alone time and welp, shame on me for not knowing it because it's really hard to find that time with a 4.5 year old. I do the best I can but it's a constant struggle and I'm 100% certain that you and I are not the only dads (or parents in general) dealing with this sort of thing.
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Jan 2, 2021 14:29
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I wake up at 5am every day to get some alone time. It’s not healthy to lose this much sleep but I will go literally insane if I don’t.
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Jan 2, 2021 14:42
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Hard to have morning sexy time with the wife when your two youngest keep sneaking into your bed at night.
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Jan 2, 2021 14:53
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Tonton Macoute posted:Thank you. I am sure you mean well and I appreciate that. We are overdue for that sort of thing, but the way 2020 has been going, it's complicated right now. Proverbially speaking, I'd rather have the shore in sight before starting to rock the boat. Especially with the pandemic and everyone spending more time at home, it's completely reasonable to just.want.some.drat.time.alone. I struggle with the same thing to some extent, we have a small place, when the kid isn't demanding all our attention there's little space for me or my wife to have some quiet time to ourselves. I get up to get exercise etc at 5am most days now which makes my sleep totals hit or miss but it's usually worth it... poo poo is hard, it sucks to spend all day kid wrangling and then want to sit down and take some time for yourself but you either feel obligated to spend it with your partner or they demand it...very difficult to balance what little time there is. I want to spend time with my wife, but also want time to my self, and there's a million household and work things demanding my attention...tbh I'm hoping therapy helps cuz it's a lot to deal nachos posted:I wake up at 5am every day to get some alone time. It’s not healthy to lose this much sleep but I will go literally insane if I don’t. what up 5am buddy
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Jan 2, 2021 14:56
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Tonton Macoute posted:Thank you. I am sure you mean well and I appreciate that. We are overdue for that sort of thing, but the way 2020 has been going, it's complicated right now. Proverbially speaking, I'd rather have the shore in sight before starting to rock the boat. It’s ok for a parent (and partner!) to want time alone- especially some mid-day ‘not entirely exhausted yet’ time. Can you both set up an explicitly ‘we each give each other a no-excuses hour of childcare coverage and the other can disappear into another room’ time a day or two a week? Imo it’s really important that it’s clearly reciprocal because otherwise hoo boy that’s some potential resentment. Not trying to solve this but it sounds like at least one (and probably both) of you need this alone time, and hinging action on ‘things will hopefully be better in six months’ may bite you both really hard, especially with how the pandemic is going.
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Jan 2, 2021 15:22
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Levitate posted:Especially with the pandemic and everyone spending more time at home, it's completely reasonable to just.want.some.drat.time.alone. It is totally reasonable and so very important. Mrs Pony and I regularly ask the other if they want some "me time". We've done it from the time we moved in together and our relationship is so much better for it. These days it can be the other taking the kid on a walk around the neighborhood, taking the monitor with them to another room, or even just saying "put on your noise canceling headphones, I'll handle things for a half hour". It is especially important during peak teething days jfc gently caress teeth. I guess the main tips we (and my therapist) would give is whenever a person gets their me-time make sure you agree on a definite minimum length of time so they aren't on edge the whole time, and make it clear that things that must get done and basic self-care don't count unless the person wants to do it during their me-time. Working is not me-time. Doing the dishes isn't me-time. Taking a quick shower is not me-time (soaking with a bath bomb or standing in the shower for an extended time savoring the warm water tho... yeah that can count).
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Jan 2, 2021 16:06
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We try to help each other out but it still just sucks. Without ever being able to send the kids to school or to Grandma's house, there's just not much time to go around. I just tell myself that everyone else is miserable too.
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Jan 2, 2021 16:23
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PerniciousKnid posted:We try to help each other out but it still just sucks. Without ever being able to send the kids to school or to Grandma's house, there's just not much time to go around. I just tell myself that everyone else is miserable too. This is where we're at. A toddler demands X hours of attention per day and we're the only ones who can provide it. At least I get "alone time" when I'm on my computer for work, but there's no such relief for my wife. It doesn't help that even when I try to take point, the kid will barely tolerate it unless she is also in the room. As for sex I don't think that's happening until the pandemic ends at a minimum. Try again in 2022.
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Jan 2, 2021 17:31
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I heard a relationship counselor once say that a healthy relationship should have around 3-4 hours/week spent as a couple (stuff like dates, cooking a nice dinner together, other quality time you spent with your SO) outside of chores etc. The rest of your time can and should be spent on pursuing personal hobbies, alone time, etc. In practice that is way harder than it sounds though. Mistaken Identity fucked around with this message at 10:13 on Jan 3, 2021 |
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Jan 2, 2021 17:45
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As an introvert who needs regular solitude for mental health (and thus parent calmly), it’s essential for me to find times to get it. Sometimes it’s not enough, but anything is better than nothing. My wife and I have found times to have sex, shifting to daytime when our kiddo is down, but my sex drive is up and down like a rollercoaster depending on my mental state, and she’s in her 2nd trimester carrying our 2nd so she is wanting sex like all the time. Not a problem unless I’m just not in the mood, but I’m more frequently not in the mood this past month as my wife has worked a ton and I’ve taken over cooking, childcare and most chores and all I can think about is getting some time by myself where I’m doing anything but work, cooking, cleaning or childcare. Probably TMI so I apologize but gently caress, this year has sucked and our 2nd child is 4 months out so I get tense and on edge sometimes when I realize that solitude is going to gently caress off the second our daughter is born, and won’t come back for awhile. Taking care of a toddler and a baby, with two to take care of between the both of us, means zero alone time for either of us until our daughter is closer to 6mo and can at least be set down to chill on the floor while we go chase a kid who will be 3.5 at that point. I’m excited for a daughter, not so excited when I think about my impending mental health decline and inevitably feeling bad when I ask my wife to take care of a baby and a toddler for a couple hours so I can be responsible for nothing and no one during that time.
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Jan 2, 2021 18:10
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I'm glad I have three kids, so at least the older two (2 and 4) can chase each other around while I watch the newborn.
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Jan 2, 2021 20:02
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My wife and I give each other entire days off from taking care of our infant twins once every 2 weeks to do whatever we want. It really gives us something to look forward to during stressful days in between. Recently I’ve been going hiking, reading at parks, and listening to podcasts and it’s been awesome. It’s a little more work for the other person those days but honestly it’s no more stress for me at least. Just to be able to get out of the house has done wonders for me since I’m a full time stay at home dad these days. I love my kids but being around them 24/7 is very difficult.
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Jan 2, 2021 20:38
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life is killing me posted:I’m excited for a daughter, not so excited when I think about my impending mental health decline and inevitably feeling bad when I ask my wife to take care of a baby and a toddler for a couple hours so I can be responsible for nothing and no one during that time. I know several families who did this once a week each, for the entire upbringing. "Tuesdays are mommy's evening off", sort of thing. I think you may be overestimating the amount of work of watching both once the little one grows into toddlerhood.
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Jan 2, 2021 21:09
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I have an 11 week old baby and I get my alone time when my husband goes to bed around 9. Baby is often sleeping by that time, so I just chill out in the nursery glider and watch YouTube or play Animal Crossing.
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Jan 2, 2021 21:22
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life is killing me posted:I’m excited for a daughter, not so excited when I think about my impending mental health decline
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Jan 2, 2021 23:27
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to be honest the pandemic + 4 year old is the hardest time period I've been through so far 4 year olds can be great but require so much energy and attention and without the usual resources to keep them entertained because of the pandemic
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Jan 2, 2021 23:31
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BadSamaritan posted:It’s ok for a parent (and partner!) to want time alone- especially some mid-day ‘not entirely exhausted yet’ time. Can you both set up an explicitly ‘we each give each other a no-excuses hour of childcare coverage and the other can disappear into another room’ time a day or two a week? Imo it’s really important that it’s clearly reciprocal because otherwise hoo boy that’s some potential resentment. Yeah I've always had an odd fascination with the fact that people have postpartum depression Obviously you can't control for the hormonal aspect of things, but I think a big portion of the controllable variables is lack of personal time + "omg if I'm not staring at the child constantly they.will.die." overload We're pretty lucky that that I get to work from home right now but typically around 5:30 or 6 the wife will walk into the home office and give me a 5 minute warning before she takes off for a 2 to 2.5 hour walk and it's up to me to keep the child alive during that time. Afterwards she takes a long shower and returns in a pretty good mood She's also doing a daily steps competition with her siblings so she's actually walking like 5 miles a day now, which is approximately 4.99 miles more than before thanks covid
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Jan 2, 2021 23:45
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Levitate posted:to be honest the pandemic + 4 year old is the hardest time period I've been through so far  
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Jan 2, 2021 23:45
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We have a 6 year old that is awesome but a nearly uncontrollable ball of energy and attention deficit. Much easier to manage and redirect in pre-covid times. We also have an 18 month old that still doesn't sleep through the night and is going through a real clingy phase. Paired with a small house, two full time working parents, zero outside help.... we're drowning. I wish I could say the second kid was twice the amount of work, but it really feels like about 20 times the amount of work (I know COVID has a lot to do with that). It's unbearably hard at times. It is full-time all the time. Pooping and showers are all the alone time we get and it's almost always interrupted with screaming kids. Oddly our coping mechanism has been outright joking about divorce, etc. (Not in front of the kids of course) but it has acted as a nice little steam valve so neither of us feels this built up resentment.
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Jan 2, 2021 23:50
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Haha we joke about dying. Then we have an argument over who gets to die and who gets lumbered with the kids. We are not suicidal, it’s just an eternal uninterrupted sleep sounds amazing.
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Jan 3, 2021 00:36
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Hi guys, we're having our first in March what's u--- Oh no.
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