Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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«‹›236 »

MrNemo: Aug 26, 2010; "I just love beeting off"

Hey man don't feel bad. It's really fun and I'm enjoying learning about a surprisingly nuanced and dark kids book I missed at the time.

# ? Dec 30, 2020 09:56

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? May 25, 2024 00:59

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

S'all good, have a good day at the Yeerk Pool and be sure to soak up plenty of kandrona.

# ? Dec 30, 2020 12:03

Ytlaya: Nov 13, 2005

Epicurius posted:

Sorry, everybody. I don't like doing it, but I've got to miss tonight. More animorphs tomorrow, I promise.

Inexcusable, I will be complaining to the forums managers

# ? Dec 30, 2020 22:40

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Ytlaya posted:

Inexcusable, I will be complaining to the forums managers

Visser Three will be hearing about this!

# ? Dec 30, 2020 23:17

Strategic Tea: Sep 1, 2012

Andalite FOOOOOLS

# ? Dec 30, 2020 23:33

wizzardstaff: Apr 6, 2018; Zorch! Splat! Pow!

Comrade Blyatlov posted:

Visser Three will be hearing about this!

Do YOU want to be the one to tell him our source of intel on the Andalite bandits has gone dark? Better to just make up some plausible-sounding reports until the posting resumes.

"And on Wednesday, we were all set to infest a youth pastor who would start a pipeline to the Sharing, but the ceremony was interrupted by a gorilla who carried him off under one arm...and the sacramental wine under another."

# ? Dec 31, 2020 00:06

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

I have returned with the stories that purport to be the memoirs of the members of the Human Resistance, so we can better understand the history of the War of the Conquest of Earth. For the glory of the Yeerk Empire, the Emperor, and the Council of Thirteen!

Animorphs-Book 14:The Unknown-Chapter 19

quote:

Into the hangar we thundered!

My hooves scrabbled on smooth, painted concrete. Through the eyes on the side of my head, I saw flashes of heavy equipment, banks of computer consoles, and flashing numerical readouts.

There were men and women in white lab coats running as if we were a pack of wolves or something. There were uniformed airmen running after us, waving their guns in the air. There were stuffy old officers with medals on their chests, standing with hands on hips and outraged expressions on their faces.

And everyone was yelling.

�What the blazing Hades is going on here?�

�Stop those horses!�

�Shoot!�

�Don�t shoot!�

�Help! I�m allergic to horses!�

That last person is the one I identify with.

quote:

It was nuts. But the truth is, in a weird way, it was fun, too. Minneapolis Max was running. And when he was running, he felt fine. Every nerve in my big horse body was tingling. I was incredibly alive with fear and excitement and the lust for competition. I wasn�t some plow horse! I was a running fool. I was a born and bred champion! A big, tough, dominant stallion!

Yee hah!

�HREEE-HEEE-He-he!� I screamed for no reason, scaring a woman in a lab coat into dropping her open yogurt on the floor.

We thundered by, our weird herd of real horses, Yeerk-infested horses, and Animorphs in horse morphs.

And then we came to the room. You could tell it was the center, the nexus, the reason for all the security.

<It�s gonna work,> Marco exulted. <We�re in! We�re in!>

It was glass on all sides. Glass that looked like it could be a foot thick. Through that glass we saw a pedestal of shining steel. And all around that pedestal were cameras, sensors, wires, lights, glowing screens, and rows of massive computers.

Bathed in the light, high on the pedestal, was something not from this planet.

It was about eight feet across. The shape was like a cube with the corners rounded off. The entire surface was covered with tubing and painted symbols.

At one end was an opening, large enough for a person to walk inside. I could just barely get a glimpse of the inside. It was smooth, a lovely green in color, with soft lighting. There was some sort of instrumentation on one wall.

<That�s it! That�s it! The most closely guarded secret in all of history!>

I�ve never heard Marco sound happier.

Jake and Ax and Marco and I, along with three or four horse-Controllers, all stared transfixed at what Marco had called �the most closely guarded secret in all of history.�

�Cullem fallat?� one of the horse-Controllers asked.

<He wants to know what it is,> Ax translated.

�Jahalan fornella,� another horse-Controller said.

I didn�t even need Ax�s translation to understand: The Yeerks had no idea what it was.

They had succeeded. They had busted in. They had laid eyes on the big secret. But they had no clue as to what it was.

�SERGEANT! GET those HORSES out of my facility! NOW!� a colonel bellowed.

�Yes, sir!� the sergeant yelled. �Horses! About face!�

It must have surprised the poor sergeant when, amazingly, we all complied. Animorphs and Yeerks, we turned and walked away.

That was kind of anti-climactic.

Chapter 20

quote:

It was getting dark by the time we walked away, none the wiser, from the Most Secret Place On Earth. The horse-Controllers walked glumly away into the Dry Lands. We shadowed them, keeping just a little distance. We�d been in morph for more than an hour. But Jake decided we should stay a while longer.

 Marco complained. 

<Ax says they don�t know what it is they saw,> Jake pointed out.

<It didn�t look like a spaceship,> Rachel said. <But it was definitely something alien.>

<Yeah, but what?> I said. <If the Yeerks don�t know, and we don�t know, and probably the scientists back at the base don�t know, then what�s the point?>

<�It is a tale told by an idiot, full of sound and fury, signifying nothing.� Shakespeare,> Tobias said. <Every conspiracy nut in the world is obsessed by what�s back there in that hangar. We saw it, and we don�t even know what it is.>

Tobias is just that guy who likes to drop random Shakespeare quotes.

quote:

<Actually �> Ax began. Then he stopped.

<Actually, what?> Rachel pressed.

<Oh, well � I sort of know what it is. It�s kind of->

<Look!> I yelled. Something was swooping in fast across the darkening desert. It flew along the ground, just inches above the scattered scruffy trees. It churned up the dust as it came. It was smallish, no bigger than a large human fighter plane. But it was shaped like a streamlined, headless beetle. There were long, serrated points aimed straight forward on either side.

<Bug fighter!>

I had to resist the urge to run. That was only natural. But what was strange was that once more I smelled fear from the horse-Controllers. They were scared of that Bug fighter. More scared than they�d been in rushing the hangar.

Or, more likely, scared of who was in that Bug fighter.

The Bug fighter swooped overhead, circled, and came to land in a pile of rocks.

 Tobias said.

<Radar. Is that the human tool that bounces radio beams off objects? I don�t mean to offend, but any Andalite child could build a radar-cloak from the pieces of his toys.>

<Somehow you are grinding my nerves, Ax,> Rachel said grumpily. <And that�s supposed to be Marco�s job.>

We followed the horse-Controllers around the back of the rocks. The Bug fighter was waiting there, already on the ground. But the door didn�t open until the horse-Controllers were assembled before it. Fear was radiating from them.

So much fear. It gave me a pretty good idea who was in that Bug fighter.

The door of the Bug fighter opened.

Out stepped a Hork-Bajir warrior. Seven feet of razor-bladed death. The Hork-Bajir swung his horned snakehead left and right, all the while holding a portable Dracon beam weapon. Then, when it looked safe, the other occupant of the Bug fighter stepped out into the rapidly
cooling air.

He was an Andalite. At least, he had an Andalite body. But of course he was no true Andalite.

<Visser Three,> I said. It was not a surprise.

<Yeah,> Jake said grimly. <Suddenly all this just got more serious.>

Visser Three: leader of the Yeerk forces on Earth. Leader of the invasion. The only Yeerk in all of history to successfully seize control of an Andalite body. The only Yeerk in all history to gain the Andalite morphing power and Andalite thought-speak abilities.

Our greatest enemy. The human race�s greatest enemy.

<Report,> he said in a tone of complete casualness.

The lead horse-Controller began to reply in Galard. �Visser, gahallum fillak-�

<Don�t waste my time. Did you succeed? Or did you fail?>

�Visser, kir fillan -�

FWAPPPP!

The visser�s Andalite tail moved so swiftly it cracked the air. The deadly blade stopped a millimeter from the horse-Controller�s throat. A twitch would send his head rolling.

<Did you penetrate the facility, yes or no?>

According to Ax, the horse-Controller answered yes.

<Did you see the object the humans are hiding in there? The object we know is constructed of nonhuman alloys?>

Again, he answered yes.

<And can you now tell me what it is?>

The horse-Controller hesitated. And that�s when the visser twitched his Andalite tail.

<Fools! Idiots! Incompetents!> the visser screamed in enraged thought-speak. <Weeks have been wasted setting up this effort. First we lose that clumsy fool, Korin Five-Four-Seven, when he was bitten by a snake. And now we�ve lost poor Jillay Nine-Two-Six!> The visser indicated the no longer in one piece horse-Controller, like it had been someone else�s fault he�d been lost. <And now you don�t even know what you saw?>

Right. Poor Jillay Nine-Two-Six, died in a totally unpredictable accident outside of the Visser's control. He really is the worst boss.

quote:

He was enraged. And Visser Three mad is beyond dangerous. His horse-Controllers backed away as far as they dared.

 the visser said in a suddenly low, sinister, thought-speak voice. 

For a while no one moved or spoke or even breathed. No one, me included, wanted to take any chance of attracting the furious visser�s attention.

Then, <All right, I�ve punished the one responsible. Transport will come for the rest of you. We still have the backup plan. It was always the better plan. We�ll simply take control of a few of the humans working at this base. Have you idiots at least identified the right targets to infest?>

�Jihal, Visser!� one of the horse-Controllers said.

<Good. Then you can live. We�ll target the right humans, and seize them tomorrow at �>

Suddenly he stopped. <Those horses. What are they doing with you? They are not our people.>

In Galard, the horse-Controller explained that it was normal for horses to herd together. It was good for real horses to be there. It provided camouflage of sorts.

This was not the answer the visser wanted to hear. He aimed his Andalite stalk eyes directly at me. <Fool, do you not realize that the Andalite bandits who plague us can morph any animal they like, including horses? I will have to kill these creatures, just to be sure.>

<No one move. No one act like they heard anything,> I hissed to the others. I lowered my big golden head and crunched up a mouthful of grass. And then I did what horses do. And I wasn�t modest about it.

The visser laughed derisively. 

I took a relieved breath.

<Still, better kill them.>

<Uh-oh,> I said.

The Hork-Bajir warrior leveled his Dracon beam at us. A second Hork-Bajir came running from inside the Bug fighter.

I felt a thrill of terror. I ordered myself to run away. But I wasn�t the only creature in my head right then. Minneapolis Max was in there, too. And he didn�t feel like running away.

My hindquarters bunched up and fired every muscle fiber at once. And, before I knew what was happening, I was running. But not running away. I ran straight for the first Hork-Bajir.

�HrrrEEEEE-HEEE-he-he!� I whinnied. I reared up, all the way back till I was standing on my hind legs, and I flailed madly with my forehooves.

I couldn�t exactly aim my hooves, mind you. Horses aren�t predators. But I flailed away and just as the Hork-Bajir was pressing the trigger �

BONK!

�Raaahhhh!� the Hork-Bajir bellowed. He dropped the Dracon beam from his hands. It clattered on the ground, and down I came. I landed directly with both hooves on the weapon.

CRUNCH!

I�d like to say it was deliberate. But the truth is that with my side-vision horse eyes I could barely even see my hooves, let alone aim them. But sometimes luck is as good as skill.

<Haul butt!> Jake yelled.

Now Minneapolis Max was ready to run away. So I ran. We all ran.

The two Hork-Bajir took off in pursuit.

<If they catch us, we�re dog food,> Rachel said. <Two Hork-Bajir versus six horses? Not a prayer.>

She was right. And to be honest, if it had been a hundred horses versus two Hork-Bajir, the horses would have lost. <How fast are Hork-Bajir?> I asked Rachel. She had morphed a Hork-Bajir once.

<Fast,> she said grimly.

We bolted. We hauled. But the two bounding Hork-Bajir were hot on our trail.

Then we saw spotlights bouncing wildly toward us. Humvees! The security troops from the base were coming out to investigate.

We ran and the Hork-Bajir hesitated. When I looked back next, they were gone.

<Well, that was stupid from start to finish,> Rachel said as we got far from Zone 91. <We could have gotten killed. And for what? Over something even the Yeerks don�t recognize.>

<Whatever that thing is, it sure doesn�t look like a spaceship,> Marco admitted.

<Or a secret weapon,> Jake said. <And it doesn�t look human, but who knows?>

<It is not a spaceship,> Ax said. <Or a weapon. But it is also not human.>

<Well, I guess we�ll probably never find out what it is,> I said with a sigh.

<Why won�t you find out?> Ax asked.

<Because it�s not worth risking our lives again,> I said. <If the Yeerks don�t even know what it is ->

<Of course the Yeerks don�t know what it is,> Ax said calmly. <They have never been aboard an Andalite Dome ship.>

One by one, we each stopped walking. One by one we turned to face Ax.

<Ax, are you telling us you do know what that thing is?> Tobias asked.

<Of course. I started to tell you, but we were interrupted.>

<So? So what is it?> Marco demanded.

<It�s a disposable module of a type used in the old days on the first generation of Andalite Dome ships. When the modules were used up, they were jettisoned into space. They were supposed to be aimed toward a star, so they�d be burned up without a trace. This one must have drifted through
space, eventually being caught by Earth�s gravity.>

<So it�s a space engine?>

<It�s a weapon?>

<No, of course not. It�s � well, this is a bit embarrassing. It�s an Andalite Dome ship�s modular waste disposal system.>

For about a full minute, no one said anything. Then Marco spoke. <You�re telling me the Most Secret Place On Earth, the fabled Zone Ninety-one, the Holy Grail of conspiracy nuts, is hiding the secret of an Andalite toilet?>

<Only a very primitive model,> Ax said condescendingly. <Since those days there have been huge technological improvements.>

This book. This...oh, God, this book.

# ? Dec 31, 2020 04:56

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

I really enjoyed an animorphs book that's heavy on Whacky Hijinks and low on gnawing existential despair

# ? Dec 31, 2020 08:13

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Poor horse dude. He died of an unavoidable accident. Thought of ants, jerked, and removed he own head.

# ? Dec 31, 2020 08:21

Piell: Sep 3, 2006; Grey Worm's Ken doll-like groin throbbed with the anticipatory pleasure that only a slightly warm and moist piece of lemoncake could offer; Young Orc

The circle of poop is now complete. They found out the horses were Controllers because of poop, the secret alien object was an alien toilet, and they are saved by Cassie pooping. This books is very dumb.

# ? Dec 31, 2020 08:31

MrNemo: Aug 26, 2010; "I just love beeting off"

I like that Cassie poopping in front of the Yeerks also served no purpose since Visser three orders them killed anyway.

# ? Dec 31, 2020 10:57

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Animorphs-Book 14:The Unknown-Chapter 21

quote:

We got out of horse morph and into bird morph and flew home.

We alone now knew the secret of Zone 91. An entire base built to analyze what they thought was an alien spaceship but was, in reality, a high-tech Andalite Porta-John.

There was, according to Ax, absolutely zero chance that the Andalite toilet would give humans the ability to fly through space.

We had done some very important things as Animorphs. We had fought some terrible and vital battles.

This wasn�t one of them.

I got home just in time to walk into my living room and realize both my parents were waiting for me.

They had their angry-parent faces on.

�Where have you been?� my mother demanded.

Mom always takes the lead in discipline. She knows my dad will give in too easily. She thinks she�s tougher. She thinks that because it happens to be true.

�I was out with Rachel,� I said, more or less truthfully.

�Out with Rachel doing what?� my mom hissed. �You missed dinner. It�s dark out. You didn�t tell us where you were going.�

My mom isn�t a real big person. Until she�s mad. Then she somehow gets larger. She seems to rise up and tower over me. It�s weird. I mean, normally she�s maybe two inches taller than me, but right then she was at least eight feet tall.

�We were very worried,� my father said in a soft, quiet voice.

I sighed. I could feel the guilt welling up inside me. I hate it when they say they�ve been worried. See, I understand about worry now. I feel worry all the time for Rachel and Jake and the others. Sometimes I lie in bed at night and worry for the whole human race.

�I�m really sorry,� I said.

�Where. Were. You. Young. Lady?� my mom asked, doing her one-word-at-a-time voice.

�I was just with Rachel,� I said. �And Jake.�

My parents exchanged a look. My dad put his hand over his mouth. He was hiding a smile. At the same time, he was trying to look extra stern.

My mom leaned back and put her hands on her hips. �You know we have discussed your dating,� she said, �and I thought we decided you were still too young.�

�Dating?� I said weakly.

My mom sighed. Then she shook her head. �Maybe it�s time for us to have another talk about the birds and the bees.�

I swear the blood drained out of my whole head. Then it came rushing back into just my cheeks and neck so that they burned. �Um � I�m not dating.�

�It�s nothing to be ashamed of,� my dad said gruffly. �You�re a normal young girl, you have certain � interests, certain � fascinations, a natural � curiosity.�

At this point I wanted to dig a hole right in the living room floor, crawl in, and pull the rug over me.

�All we�re saying is be honest with us,� my mom said, all stern again. �Do not make us worry about you.�

�Absolutely! I swear! I will never make you worry again! Can I go now?�

I raced from the living room into the kitchen. I wanted to make myself a sandwich, carry it up to my room, and try to do at least some of my homework.

And I really did not want to be subjected to a big talk abut boys. Good grief!

I was just getting the turkey from the refrigerator when a thought occurred to me. I tiptoed back to the kitchen door and pressed my ear against it.

�See?� I heard my mother say smugly.

�You were right, as usual,� my dad said.

�It�s the only way. Let�s face it, Cassie works so hard already, what can you do? You can�t give her punishment work or make her stay in her room.�

�We have a very cool kid.�

That kind of gave me a warm feeling. Your parents have to love you. But I felt as if my parents liked me, too. As a person.

�Yes, we do have a cool kid,� my mom agreed. �But on those rare occasions when she screws up the only way to really discipline her is to embarrass her.�

They both laughed. Hah-hah-hah.

�Next time we can tell her we�re going to have Jake and his parents over to discuss rules for their relationship,� my mom said.

More laughter. Hee-hee-hee.

�Or as a backup plan, we could threaten to take her in to Father Banion for a family discussion about intimacy.� That was my dad�s suggestion.

So much for my warm inner glow. So my parents knew I liked Jake. And they knew that any discussion of that fact would embarrass me to death.

Parents. You can never completely trust them.

Yeah, they're devious.

quote:

I finished making my sandwich and went upstairs. My room was a disaster area. I am not a neat person. I went to my desk, moved some of my junk aside to clear a work space and opened my binder to find my - Backup plan?

That�s the phrase my dad had used. And Visser Three had said it, too.

Backup plan? Why would the Yeerks want a backup plan? After all, they�d penetrated the big secret of Zone 91 and it was a toilet. True, they had not understood what they�d seen, but they obviously knew whatever it was wasn�t a Yeerk ship or a weapon.

So why would they still be interested?

I shook it off. Who cared now? We�d wasted enough time at Zone 91. I had better things to worry about. Like homework. And the discovery that my parents knew more about me than I wanted them to. I did some homework and I went to bed. At four o�clock in the morning, I woke up. I sat bolt upright and stared into the darkness.

�So it�s a toilet,� I cried. �That�s not important. It�s an alien toilet! An alien toilet! That�s the point!�

Of course! Even if it was just a toilet, it meant the government had proof of life on other planets.

Proof that the Yeerks did not want them to have.

The Yeerks were invading Earth. One of the reasons they were getting away with it was that no sensible person would ever believe it. Even if I went on national TV and announced that aliens were invading, who�d ever believe me? Even if I morphed right in front of people, they�d figure it was just some other kind of weirdness.

But if the government came out and said, �Look, we have proof that aliens exist,� then people would start listening. People might even be prepared to believe that the Yeerks were among us.

That�s why the Yeerks couldn�t just forget about Zone 91. They couldn�t allow the government to have any kind of proof of alien life.

There was a backup plan. That�s what the visser had said.

And I suddenly had a pretty good suspicion what it was. Tomorrow evening at nineteen hundred hours, The Gardens would be full of people who worked at Zone 91. Just like the sign-up sheet at the base had said.

I was willing to bet the Yeerks would strike then. What better place to grab some key people from Zone 91 and fill their heads with Yeerk slugs?

Well, there were probably plenty of better places, actually. But Visser Three was not known for being patient. And the trip to The Gardens would be his soonest opportunity to strike.

This whole thing is based on Yeerk impatience. The original plan and Visser Three's backup plan.

Chapter 22

quote:

The Gardens is a combination zoo and amusement park. The two sections are separate, of course. Roller coasters and bumper cars on one side of an artificial lagoon, and animal habitats on the other.

I�ve spent lots of time at the zoo part of The Gardens. I�ve spent very little time on the rides. I don�t like roller coasters.

From the air it all looks smaller than it does from the ground. Down on the ground, walking along the pink-and-green concrete walkways, it seems endless. But from the air in owl morph, you can see how the pathways curve inside each other like a circular maze. You can see the edges of the park and the world beyond The Gardens.

You can see the endless neon golden arches and Best Western hotels and water slides and puttputt golf courses.

Of course, in owl morph you can even see the mice cowering down inside the dark bushes. In owl morph there isn�t much you can�t see.

The Gardens at night is two very different halves. Down below us, the tigers were prowling the limits of their wooded, moat-ringed habitat. And the camels were dozing. And the sea lions were huddled together on their blue-painted concrete island. And the monkeys were sleeping and fussing and occasionally picking bugs out of their ears and eating them.

Over in the amusement park, however, it was a flashing neon extravaganza. The Tilt-a-Whirl was a blaze of blue; the merry-go-round was red and yellow; the roller coasters were wild dragons of racing sequential lights.

I saw a flash! It was the log ride. They shoot photographs of the people in the logs as they fall down the final drop. I heard screams of giddy excitement and fake fear.

In addition to having wonderful eyes, owls can hear a mosquito�s wings beating from ten feet away. Tobias was not so lucky. He didn�t have an owl morph, so he was his usual red-tailed self.

Red-tails don�t see or fly well at night.

Wait a minute! Flashbulbs at the log ride?

<Hey! There are people down there! There aren�t supposed to be people. The people aren�t supposed to be here till eight o�clock!>

<If they�re here, then the Yeerks are here, too,> Rachel said grimly. <What are they doing here? I thought you said the sign-up sheet at the base said eight o�clock!>

<Actually, it said nineteen hundred hours. But that�s eight. Right?>

<Uh, no,> Marco said. <Oh, man, these guys have been here for an hour already! The Yeerks may have already infested their targets!>

<Are those the right guys down there? Are they Zone Ninety-one guys?> I wondered aloud.

Jake kept his tone carefully neutral, not wanting to make me feel bad. <There are a lot of sort of twenty-and thirty-year-old guys down there with short hair. Definitely a military-looking crowd.>

I had put it all together very early that morning. The Gardens occasionally leases out the entire amusement park to private groups. Especially on slow nights like Sundays.

Zone 91 had leased the park for its soldiers and their families. Of course, on the reservation they were not listed as �Zone 91.� They were listed as �Gondor Industries.�

Yet another example of the author's Lord of the Rings love.

quote:

I�d spent the day researching on the Internet, just to be totally sure. There was no Gondor Industries. It was a fake corporation. I was totally prepared and proud of myself for being so smart.

Unfortunately, the hour we should have had to prepare was already gone. All because I could not read military time.

<So who�s back at Zone Ninety-one guarding the Toilet From Outer Space, I wonder?> Marco asked. <I�m sure there are still plenty of guys back there,> Jake said, <and in any case, that�s not our problem. Our problem is we have zero time to figure out the rest of the Yeerk plan. All we know is that they may be attempting to use this night to infest several members of the Zone Ninety-one force.

But where? Where in all this big amusement park would they do it?>

No time! And it was my screwup. My screwup. Oh, man, I had totally messed up. Now innocent men and women might be turned into Controllers because of my stupidity!

Think! Where? Where would the Yeerks try it?

<Two possible places,> I said. <They need someplace where they can grab people without being seen, right? The log ride is dark inside. Or the House of Horrors Ride. Those are the only two places.>

<Okay. We split up,> Jake said tersely.

<Cassie, you and Marco come with me for the log ride. Rachel, Tobias, and Ax check out the House of Horrors.>

We split into two separate groups. Jake, Marco, and I flew swiftly toward the log ride, me cursing myself the whole time. <How could I have been so dumb?>

<You weren�t dumb,> Jake said. <We wouldn�t even have known about this if you hadn�t figured it out.>

<For future reference, all you have to do is subtract twelve,> Marco said.

<Huh?>

<To translate military time. Just subtract twelve.> Then, as an afterthought he added, <Duh.>

The log ride was made to look like a mountain. Of course it was really just cement and fake bushes, but it was kind of convincing. We landed on top of it.

<Now what?> Marco asked. <We need to get inside. Can we fly in?>

<Yes, but if we�re in owl morph we won�t be able to do anything much except flap our wings,>

Jake pointed out. <We need to get human again.>

We demorphed as fast as we could and a few minutes later we were climbing down the side of the fake cement mountain, wearing our morphing outfits. And no shoes. Fortunately, at The Gardens people dress even more strangely than that. Some people turned to stare, but not for very long.

The lines were short since the only people in the park were a thousand or so people from Zone 91. Some had brought their kids, so we fit in okay, even though most of the people in line were older guys with short hair and neatly trimmed mustaches.

Into the log ride we went. We took a log, me and Jake in the front, Marco behind us, and a man and woman behind him in the last seat.
The log slipped along the water channel toward the chain lift.

�This would be fun if it wasn�t a matter of life and death,� Marco said. �I love the log ride. Not as good as the coaster, of course. But the big splash at the end is cool.�

�That voice!� someone said. �I know that voice!�

I turned around and looked to see who was talking. To my complete horror, I found myself making eye contact with none other than Captain Torrelli, our interrogator from Zone 91. And at just that moment, the log hit the chain lift and engaged with a loud CHUNK!

�You!� the captain said.

Marco turned around. �Uh-oh.�

�What?� Jake asked.

CLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANKCLANK! Up the slope we went, pressed back into our damp seats.

�You are under arrest!� Captain Torreli said.

�Honey, what is going on?� his date asked.

�Yeah, what is going on?� Jake asked me.

�It�s the guy from Zone Ninety-one,� I whispered in Jake�s ear. �He�s recognized me and Marco.�

�Uh-oh.�

�None of you better move!� the captain said.

And at that point we reached the top of the lift. For a second we were poised there. Then the log tipped forward and gravity took over.

�Ahhhhhh!� the captain�s date yelled.

�Ahhhhhh!� I yelled because I hate thrill rides.

�You two are mine!� the captain yelled.

And down we went.

WHOOOOOOOSH!

Then � spuh-LOOOOOSH!

Water everywhere! The log careened along the narrow channel past big fake models of a logging camp dominated by some great big plaster Paul Bunyan thing.

�If the Yeerks are going to strike, they�ll do it in the tunnel up ahead,� Jake whispered. �It�s like a tunnel of love thing. Real dark.�

I wanted to ask how he knew about a tunnel of love. But I stuck to business. �Either way, we need to bail out there. Otherwise we�ll never lose the captain.�

Marco turned back in his seat, draping his arm over the partition between him and the captain.

�You know, I don�t think you can really arrest us. I mean, you�re military police, right? And this is not a military base.�

The captain glowered. He whipped a cell phone from his jacket pocket and punched in a number.

�Hello? Gardens security? This is Captain Torrelli, security code number eight-seven-two-ninerniner. I need -�

�Good work, Marco,� Jake said, rolling his eyes.

�This really complicates things,� I whispered.

�Here comes the tunnel,� Jake said. �Get ready.�

The log boat banged through a doorway into total, absolute darkness.

�Now!� Jake hissed.

I stood up. I turned left. Nothing but darkness. I turned right. Just as dark. Not dark like in-your room dark when you sleep at night. This was dark like you might as well be blind.

I stepped off the boat, trusting everything to luck.

Yep, this is going great.

Happy New Years everyone!

# ? Jan 1, 2021 04:15

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

quote:

�Or as a backup plan, we could threaten to take her in to Father Banion for a family discussion about intimacy.� That was my dad�s suggestion.

Wait... Cassie's family are Catholic?

# ? Jan 1, 2021 04:34

HisMajestyBOB: Oct 21, 2010; College Slice

Happy New Year!

In the previous two chapters, I like the juxtaposition between Ax's smugness at Andalite superiority and his embarrassment over the space toilet.

Marco posted:

<For future reference, all you have to do is subtract twelve,> Marco said.

This book taught kid me how to understand military time! :eng101:

# ? Jan 1, 2021 04:40

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

freebooter posted:

Wait... Cassie's family are Catholic?

Apparently!

HisMajestyBOB posted:

In the previous two chapters, I like the juxtaposition between Ax's smugness at Andalite superiority and his embarrassment over the space toilet.

It was a very old model. They have better ones now.

# ? Jan 1, 2021 04:56

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Man, I don't remember the events of this book at all. :psyduck:

I know I read much later into the series, including some more Megamorphs and alien books, and my dad and I watched the X-Files constantly and Independence Day was a recent release, so I wonder why this book apparently left no impression on me.

# ? Jan 1, 2021 07:46

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Animorphs-Book 14:The Unknown-Chapter 23

quote:

Never trust anything to luck.

My foot didn�t touch anything. I tried to pull back, but it was too late. I pitched forward.

�Aaaahhh!�

SPLASH! Water up to my waist! BANG! The side of the channel. �Owww! My head!� I slipped and fell face-first in the water. I felt the current carry me away.

Then Marco�s voice: �Ooof! Owww!�

�You kids aren�t going to get away that easy!�

PUH-LOOOSH! �Aaarg!�

�Owww!�

�Hey! Watch where you�re driving that boat!�

BONK!

A hand grabbed me! I swung a clenched fist.

�Oww! I need that shoulder!� Jake yelled.

He has another one.

quote:

�Sorry!�

�You kids stop where you are!�

Suddenly, there were lights! Lights everywhere! I had been swept along in the current back out of the tunnel. I was back in the night air again, gazing up at neon and incandescence.

I stood up. But the current was too strong. It swept my feet out from under me. I fell and floated.

Behind me, another log boat filled with crew-cut guys. Between me and that boat, three heads bobbed in the water: Jake, Marco, and a really angry Captain Torrelli.

�Cassie! Climb out!�

�Oh, no, this is insane!� Marco moaned.

�You kids are gonna do time for this, I swear it!� Captain Torrelli yelled.

BUMPBUMPBUMP. SQUUUEEEEEEGEEE!

I was scraped along a sharp turn. I tried to grab the lip of the boat channel and pull myself out, but I was too weak and the force of the water was too strong.

What to do? I couldn�t morph. There were witnesses. I�d just have to float along until � Until the big huge drop!

�Ahhhhh!� I cried.

�I think Cassie just figured out where we�re headed,� Marco said.

�Ahhhhh!� I confirmed.

Another sharp turn. BUMPBUMPBUMP! SQUUUUEEEEGEEE!

And then, just a few dozen feet ahead, just ahead of the log boat we had been in, I saw another

boat suddenly disappear. And I heard screams. Happy screams. Totally different from my scream.

�Aaaaaahhhhhh!�

I was racing toward a waterfall. And there was nothing I could do to stop it!

�No! No! Noooooo!�

�Oh, man! No! No! Noooooo!�

�This is insaaaaane! Nooooo!�

�I�ll get you kids for this! Nooooooo!�

And over the edge we went. I skidded on my butt down a fifty-foot water slide. Which was bad enough. But just a few feet behind me were two guys and an angry man.

And just a few feet farther back was another log boat. A log boat that would squash us all like bugs if it hit us.

Down I fell, screaming the entire way!

BAH-LOOOOSH!

I hit the lagoon and rolled to my left as fast as I could move my waterlogged body. Something hit me, but it wasn�t a boat.

�Hah! Cindy Crawford! You think I don�t remember your name? You are under arrest!� Captain Torrelli cried exultantly.

But then he slipped and his head went under the water and I was out of there.

We joined up just outside the exit from the log ride. Three extremely wet, barefoot kids in bike shorts and aerobics suits.

�You know, basically that was fun,� Marco said. �If you set aside the whole could-have-been-crushed-by-a-log-boat thing.�

Jake squeegeed the water out of his hair. �Okay, so it�s not the log ride. No Yeerks there.�

�House of Horrors,� I agreed. �Definitely the House of Horrors.�

We ran for the House of Horrors. But as we ran there came the sound of a not-too-distant voice crying, �Police! Security! Police!�

So we ran faster.

It's an action scene done for laughs. Not really a lot to say about it on my part.

Chapter 24

quote:

We ran for the House of Horrors, bare wet feet SLAP-SLAP-SLAPPING all the way. It was halfway across the amusement park. I was panting and sweating and holding my sides from the pain by the time we got there.

�Now what?� Marco asked.

�Now we find the others,� Jake said.

�But they could be in morph. We don�t even know what we�re looking for,� I pointed out.

�Exactly. And then we have to figure out if the Yeerks are using the House of Horrors to kidnap and infest guys from Zone Ninety-one.�

�Even though we don�t know if the Yeerks will be plain old human-Controllers or Hork-Bajir or whatever,� I said.

�Exactly.�

�And in the meantime,� I concluded, �we have to avoid getting arrested by an Air Force captain who is frantically trying to protect the Most Secret Place On Earth, where they are hiding an old Andalite toilet.�

Marco laughed sardonically. �Does anyone else ever think maybe we�ve all just lost our minds? You know, like maybe none of this is real and we�re escaped lunatics from the local hospital for the hopelessly wacko?�

�Hey, we�re saving the world here, Marco,� I said.

�That�s what all lunatics say.�

�Come along, my wacko friends.� Jake led the way toward the House of Horrors entrance.

This ride involved cars on tracks as opposed to log boats in water. I was relieved that at least there wasn�t any water.

The three of us piled into one of the cars. A fourth person was seated with us. He was a man, maybe thirty years old. He smiled at me.

�Sure this isn�t too scary for you kids?�

�No, sir. We�re pretty good at handling scary stuff,� I said.

�I don�t see the others,� Jake muttered under his breath as the car lurched away down the track.

�Boo-ah-ah-hah-HAH!� a mechanical skeleton shrieked.

�Beware! Beware all ye who enter here!� a loud, booming recorded voice cried. �Beware the horrors that lie within!�

Then, �Aaaaaarrrggghh!� A mechanical pirate holding his own severed head jerkily waved a sword at us.

A huge snake turned and aimed its cobralike head at us, staring with glittering green eyes.

�Yeah, yeah, big deal,� Marco said. �Could this get any faker?�

�Why are you kids so cynical?� the crew-cut man asked.

�We watch too much TV,� Marco answered.

The car spun and banged backward through a doorway into the next room of the House of Horrors. In a flash of lightning I saw the car behind us. In it were also four people. Captain Torrelli and three uniformed Gardens security guys.

�What is with that guy?� I asked.

�Hey, Captain, havin� fun?� crew cut yelled back to Torrelli.

�Airman Jones!� Torrelli yelled. �Don�t let those kids get away!�

�These kids?� Airman Jones asked, pointing at us.

�Yeah. Those kids! At least that girl and the boy with the smirk!�

Our car jerked violently back around and we were being shrieked at by a flight of ghosts passing overhead.

�That Captain Torrelli. What a joker that guy is,� I said weakly to Airman Jones.

�Captain Torrelli has never joked in his life,� Jones growled. �You kids are gonna have to stay with me till the captain can talk to you.�

I can believe that Captain Torrelli has never joked in his life.

quote:

We passed beneath the flying ghosts. And that�s when the ride got weird. Really weird.

See, somehow, whoever had built the ride seemed to have created perfect, life-size replicas of six Hork-Bajir warriors. And standing behind them, also frozen in place, was a creature with the body of a deer, the tail of a scorpion, and a mouthless face. They were all very lifelike. Probably because they were alive.

Visser Three was in the House of Horrors.

�Okay, now I�m scared,� Marco said.

�Where are Rachel and Tobias and Ax?� Jake asked in a low voice.

�There,� I said. I pointed to a frozen, life-size replica of one of the scariest things on Earth: an eight-hundred-pound grizzly bear. The grizzly was on its hind legs, reared up. It was standing perfectly still. Except for the fact that you could see it breathing.

Sitting atop the grizzly bear was a bird. It was too dark to make out the tail feathers, but I could guess what color they were.

And completing this odd tableau, a rattlesnake was coiled around the grizzly bear�s up-stretched paw.

Rachel and the others must have seen the Yeerks moving into place. They�d gotten there first and were now waiting for the Yeerks to make their move.

The loudspeaker blared. �Nyah-hah-hah-hah! Beware the graveyard ghouls!�

In between the Hork-Bajir, the visser, and my friends the bear, the hawk, and the snake, were really fake-looking tombstones topped with greenish skulls.

�This is the best part of the ride,� Jones said. �Those big blade monsters there are really cool!�

I rolled my eyes. My stomach rolled all on its own.

�This is so totally going to turn ugly,� Marco said.

So, fight in the House of Horrors.

# ? Jan 2, 2021 05:24

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

quote:

�You know, basically that was fun,� Marco said.

Marco rocks

# ? Jan 2, 2021 05:39

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Animorphs-Book 14:The Unknown-Chapter 25

quote:

Have you ever known something was going to happen right before it did happen? It almost seems like you�re psychic. But usually it�s just that your brain has put things together and figured something out.

Well, in the split second before everything cut loose, I realized something: Out in the Dry Lands, the visser had talked about having a list of the humans who would be useful. And who would be more useful to the Yeerks than the head of security for Zone 91?

No time to be subtle. �They�ll go for Torrelli!� I yelled.

Our car was turned forward and we were past the tableau of Hork-Bajir and Animorphs. But I heard a loud scream and I knew it wasn�t one of those giddy, happy, fun-house screams.

Jake leaped from the car. I leaped after him and collided with Marco. The three of us barely missed being cut in two as the car we�d been in slammed through a narrow door.

I fell to my knees. We were on the tableau! We were suddenly a part of the House of Horrors Ride. And that ride had gone totally gruesome.

Six big Hork-Bajir bounded toward Captain Torrelli�s car. It had been his scream we�d heard.

One of the uniformed guards raised his gun. Too slow! A hundred times too slow to beat a Hork-Bajir! SLASH!

The Hork-Bajir swept its wrist blade.

�Aaaaahhhhh! Aaaahhhh! Aaaaahhhh!� the man bellowed in pain.

The Hork-Bajir yanked the guards up out of their seats and literally threw them back into the scenery. Captain Torrelli was alone in the car. But then two Hork-Bajir grabbed him, careful not to injure him, and lifted him up like he was a doll.

And all the while, the stupid loudspeaker was yammering, �Nyah-hah-hah-hah! Beware the graveyard ghouls!�

But Captain Torrelli was not alone.

�RRRRRAAAWWWRRR!� Rachel roared in her big grizzly bear voice. She flung the rattlesnake straight at the nearest Hork-Bajir.

The snake - Ax in morph - wrapped itself tightly around the alien�s neck and sank poisonous fangs deep.

�Tseeeeeer!� Tobias launched himself, talons outstretched, and ripped at the vulnerable eyes of a second Hork-Bajir.

But that still left four of the big, bladed monsters, not to mention the visser himself. And not even Rachel could handle them all. Although she tried. I swear she grinned a bear grin as she swung one frying-pan-sized paw into the head of a Hork-Bajir.

FWUMP! The Hork-Bajir rocked back and fell unconscious.

SHLUMP! He hit the floor.

<The Andalite bandits!> Visser Three cried in thought-speak.

That�s what the Yeerks think we are: Andalites. They know whoever we are, we can morph. And they know only Andalites have morphing technology.

<We can�t stay and fight,> the visser pouted. <Much as I would enjoy destroying these vermin! We have priorities. Bring the human!>

This is maybe the first time Visser Three decides not to fight the Animorphs because he's focused on the mission. Good job, Visser-Three!

quote:

�We have to morph!� Jake hissed to me and Marco. �Into the shadows! Before the visser gets away!�

I had already started. This was a fight. I needed something powerful. Something extremely dangerous.

�They�re taking the captain!� Marco yelled.

�We can�t stop them! We need more firepower,� Jake yelled. �Morph!�

My morph was already under way. Thick gray fur was sprouting from every inch of my body. My mouth was becoming a muzzle. A muzzle filled with long, sharp teeth.

 Rachel called as she knocked another Hork-Bajir into a wall.

The Hork-Bajir Ax had filled with rattlesnake venom was staggering.

But Visser Three and two of the Hork-Bajir had disappeared from view with Captain Torrelli.

�Cool!� a voice squealed. �Now, this part of the ride is excellent!�

To my amazement, people were still passing by on the ride! Every few seconds another carload rattled past, filled with people who must have thought they were watching the most realistic House of Horrors Ride in all history.

�Look! It�s a werewolf!� someone said. He pointed. Right at me. Fortunately, we were all three in deep shadows. No one would ever be able to recognize us.

I was just finishing my morph. I had gone, as quickly as I possibly could, from human to wolf.

Rachel was roaring and bellowing. Tobias was shrieking and flapping his wings. Ax was looking for another victim. But the fact was, Visser Three had Captain Torrelli. And the visser was gone.

I looked at Jake. He was just completing his tiger morph. I looked at Marco. He was almost all the way into his gorilla morph. I felt my wolf senses turn on. It was a powerful moment. There is nothing on Earth like a wolf�s sense of smell. And nothing much like a wolf�s sense of hearing.

I could tell exactly, precisely where Captain Torrelli had gone. I could smell every dragging footstep he had taken.

Then, suddenly, the remaining Hork-Bajir warriors bolted. They raced after Visser Three and Captain Torrelli.

<After them!> Jake yelled.

FWAPP! FWAPP! FWAPP! CA-RUNNCH!

Bright lights! Blazing neon! It took a few seconds for me to figure out what had happened. Then I saw: Visser Three had used his Andalite tail to slice through the back wall of the House of Horrors. His Hork-Bajir had knocked the wall down.

Visser Three, his Hork-Bajir, and poor Captain Torrelli were loose on the grounds of The Gardens.

I don't have a lot to say other than this won't be subtle.

Chapter 26

quote:

One evil Andalite-Controller and six Hork-Bajir - several of which were staggering from the wounds Rachel, Tobias, and Ax had inflicted - barreled into the neon night, dragging a helpless Captain Torrelli.

They were pursued by a red-tailed hawk, a tiger, a wolf, a grizzly bear, and a gorilla with a rattlesnake around his neck.

�Help! Help!� Captain Torrelli cried.

<Back to the ship!> Visser Three yelled.

<After them!> Jake yelled.

<This is insane!> Marco cried. <Insane!>

And the band played �Seventy-six Trombones� with lots of loud tuba and louder pounding bass drums. Yes, I said the band. Because, you see, the nightly Gardens Parade of Characters was swinging up the main street. There was a brass band. In fact there were three. There were dance teams. There were clowns. There were floats. And best of all, there were cartoon characters.

Bugs Bunny, Daffy Duck, Tweety Bird, Sylvester, the Tasmanian Devil, and Pepe Le Pew. They were all there in bigger-than-life costumes, dancing amidst a blaze of colored lights that blotted out the stars.

We were talking, back when The Gardens were first introduced, how they were probably modeled after Busch Gardens, being a combination amusement park/zoo. Busch Gardens, unfortunately, doesn't have any relationship with Looney Tunes/Warner Brothers. Six Flags does, though.

quote:

I ran full-out. I was faster than Rachel. I had more endurance than Jake. The Yeerks were moving swiftly, straight toward the parade.

Suddenly, out jumped a Daffy Duck! Right in Visser Three�s path. The Yeerk visser snapped his deadly tail. It flew through the air and Daffy�s head went rolling across the ground.

<Noooo!> I cried.

The girl wearing the costume stuck her head up and said, �Hey! What�s the matter with you?�

<Aaaahhhh!> the visser moaned. <What kind of creature is that?>

He slowed a bit. Just for a few seconds, as he contemplated the weirdness of a creature with a smaller head inside a larger head. And during that hesitation, we caught up.

Jake let loose a roar that seemed to knock the cotton candy right out of children�s hands.

�RRRROOOOAAAARRRRR!�

We all charged. I leaped for the throat of the nearest Hork-Bajir with my yellowed teeth bared in a snarl. The Hork-Bajir swung an elbow blade at me but I twisted with unnatural speed. The blade only sliced fur.

The Hork-Bajir couldn�t use its blades. I was in too close. All it could do was claw at me, and that wasn�t enough.

A vicious battle raged. Rachel and two Hork-Bajir. Jake, sinking his tiger fangs into another Hork-Bajir. Marco, using Ax�s snake morph like a bullwhip, snapping him in to bite, yanking him back out.

Ax was to die of massive whiplash.....

quote:

And Tobias was using all his speed and agility to tear at the visser�s vulnerable Andalite stalk eyes.

�Yay!� a voice yelled.

�Cool!� another voice cried.

And then people started applauding wildly. Without even noticing, we had been swept up into the parade. We had become part of the show.

And the people loved it!

I dropped away from my Hork-Bajir. He was out of the fight. I ran for the Hork-Bajir who was still yanking Captain Torrelli along. He was way out in front, weaving through the parade. Weaving past Bugs Bunny and Yosemite Sam. Barreling rudely through the brass band, which was now playing

�You�re a Grand Old Flag!�

�Here boy! Here boy!� some kid yelled as I shot past. Like I was a dog.

The crowd grew thick just ahead of me. Too thick for me to see Captain Torrelli. But I could still smell him. I could smell the minuscule traces of scent left by his shoes. I could smell about ten thousand things right then, everything from candy apples to the grease on the bearings of the Ferris
wheel to the gel on a punk guy�s hair. It was almost too much.

But I focused hard on just one smell: a few floating molecules that said �Torrelli� to my wolf nose. I put my nose down and shouldered through the crowd. People petted me. People bumped into me. I didn�t care. My wolf nose was working, and there was no way I was going to lose the captain.

The crowd thinned out. I looked left, right. I saw nothing. But the scent trail led left and my wolf ears picked out one voice among all the thousands of voices, one sound among all the sounds of The Gardens.

�You�re connected with those darned kids, aren�t you?� Captain Torrelli demanded angrily of the Hork-Bajir.

I went after him at a full run. There! A Hork-Bajir dragging the captain. The alien brushed aside a child who had rushed over with his mom to have her take his picture with �the monster.�

I timed my approach and I fired my wolf haunches. I flew through the air, aiming right for the back of the Hork-Bajir�s neck.

�Rrrumpf!�

�Aaaarrrrggghhh!� the alien cried.

Captain Torrelli broke free and ran like his life depended on it. Which it pretty much did.

I relaxed my jaws and dropped to the ground. The Hork-Bajir and I stared balefully at each other for a few seconds. We sized each other up like a couple of boxers in the ring. But then we both saw and heard the visser go rushing past in a clatter of Andalite hooves.

The Hork-Bajir ran to join his commander and suddenly, the Yeerk invasion of The Gardens was over.

A few moments later, the others caught up to me. We watched a pair of Bug fighters rise from the amusement park and streak into the sky.

They had hidden the Bug fighters in plain sight. They�d been parked atop the Alien Adventure Ride.

As the Bug fighters powered away into the night, I noticed a kid shaking his head disgustedly.

�Those aren�t what alien spaceships look like,� he said.

�That�s for sure,� his grandfather agreed. �I was taken aboard a spaceship once. The aliens performed medical experiments on me. And their ship was nothing like that.�

Skrit-Na.

# ? Jan 3, 2021 04:58

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

What even is this book.

# ? Jan 3, 2021 05:30

Soup du Jour: Sep 8, 2011; I always knew I'd die with a headache.

I totally thought this book ended on the Andalite toilet so this whole segment feels completely new and bonkers to me

# ? Jan 3, 2021 07:18

Shwoo: Jul 21, 2011

Tree Bucket posted:

What even is this book.

It's the first book that doesn't feature something horrifically traumatising happening to any of the main characters! That's what it is.

I guess Cassie did get run over by a ~~tank~~armoured vehicle of some kind, but she didn't seem too bothered by it.

# ? Jan 3, 2021 07:23

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

The Bug Fighters took off in full view of everyone? What the gently caress?

# ? Jan 3, 2021 10:29

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Epicurius posted:

I don't have a lot to say other than this won't be subtle.

Even only at book 14 I have to really marvel at how many people have been exposed to bizarre happenings at this point. If the series ends with the Yeerks vanquished and the story of the Animorphs becomes public knowledge - they write memoirs or whatever - there would be so many people in SoCal who'd be able to point at various incidents and be like, "oh, that was me! I was there!" There's everybody here at the Gardens tonight, plus off the top of my head:

- Lady who escaped Yeerk pool
- Circus getting trashed by elephant
- Car dealership getting trashed by elephant
- Old man and thugs mugging him who get attacked by gorilla
- Everybody on the set of that breakfast show in book 12
- Racehorse trainers with blue horse
- Jockey with talking horse

And probably dozens or hundreds I'm forgetting. It would be, like, if you hadn't encountered the Animorphs at some point during this period you'd feel like you missed out.

# ? Jan 3, 2021 10:42

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

Uninfested social studies teacher losing sleep over if that time they gave Marco a week of detention hurt the war effort. How many lives were lost because of it?

# ? Jan 3, 2021 21:33

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Animorphs-Book 14:The Unknown-Chapter 27

quote:

The official story in the newspaper and on the local TV news was that a group of pranksters had dressed up as monsters and vandalized the House of Horrors.

They had also carried out a mock abduction of an Air Force captain named Torrelli. The captain was only slightly injured.

Captain Torrelli was quoted in the newspaper as saying, �It was those kids! I am looking for three kids named Fox Mulder, Dana Scully, and Cindy Crawford.�

The reporter wondered if perhaps Captain Torrelli had been drinking. And when Captain Torrelli was asked what an Air Force officer was doing at a company outing for Gondor Industries, he said, �No comment. Forget I said anything at all. I was obviously mistaken. Nothing happened.�

We met up at the barn the next day. Jake, Rachel, Tobias, Ax, Marco, and me. The Animorphs. The six kids who are trying to save the world.

�Just one question,� Rachel asked. �Don�t you think, in all fairness, in all decency, in all kindness, we should tell Captain Torrelli he�s guarding an alien toilet?�

I shook my head. �No, Rachel. That wouldn�t be kind at all. He and the others have a meaning to their lives now. Why should we destroy all that and make them feel trivial and foolish?�

�Ooooh, wisdom,� Marco mocked gently. �Deep.�

�So the Most Secret Place On Earth remains secret,� Jake said thoughtfully. �Maybe that is wise.�

<The Yeerks will continue to try and penetrate the secret of Zone Ninety-one,> Tobias pointed out.

�Yeah, but the captain will really be on guard now,� Jake said.

�Besides, maybe it�s all for the good. It will keep them busy, keep the Yeerks from doing anything more dangerous,� Rachel said with a laugh. �Everyone needs a project, right? Everyone needs some hopeless cause to pursue. A quest. A mission.�

As she said that last part, she was eying the hem of my jeans. Then she started shaking her head.

�When did you buy those, Cassie, when you were four?� she asked.

�These jeans are fine.�

�Yeah, if you�re expecting a flood.�

�Wait a minute!� I held up my hand. �Isn�t this how this whole thing started?�

�Leave Cassie alone,� Jake said, laughing. �We�re not going to start this all over. No way.�

�Except maybe for the horse-racing thing,� Marco said. �See, all I�m saying is, we morph racehorses, right? And then we bet -�

And that�s when I dumped a bucket of water on Marco�s head and we all went home.

And so that's how The Unknown ends, not with a bang, but with a bucket. This book was...I don't even know what this book was. It had its moments, but I'm not really a big fan, and I don't really know why. It was good to see a lighter book, and one that, like, somebody said, was relatively free of trauma. But Captain Torelli's obliviousness got on my nerves more than anything, and I find myself less tolerant of poop jokes than I probably would have been at 11.

So the next book is The Escape. It's a Marco book. Don't want to tell you much more than that, but it's a ride.

# ? Jan 4, 2021 05:07

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

The next book is an odd one because I remember it being important but also I remember virtually nothing about it! Except Tobias' hilariously botched attempt to acquire a dolphin

# ? Jan 4, 2021 06:03

Fritzler: Sep 5, 2007

Soup du Jour posted:

I totally thought this book ended on the Andalite toilet so this whole segment feels completely new and bonkers to me

When this book started I had no recollection of it. Once the kids got interviewed for first time and gave fake names, I remembered the book but totally thought it ended with the toilet as well. My memory was they realized it was just a toilet and wouldn't help the Yeerks so they let them do whatever they wanted there. This is more much more wild than that.

# ? Jan 4, 2021 08:24

Rochallor: Apr 23, 2010; ふっっっっっっっっっっっっｃｋ

Fritzler posted:

When this book started I had no recollection of it. Once the kids got interviewed for first time and gave fake names, I remembered the book but totally thought it ended with the toilet as well. My memory was they realized it was just a toilet and wouldn't help the Yeerks so they let them do whatever they wanted there. This is more much more wild than that.

Yeah I had exactly the same reaction. I don't remember any of the business at The Gardens. It's largely disposable silly fluff, which isn't surprising given these were targeted at like, eight year-olds. It's just that when you've already had the heroes engage in a deadly battle with ants and get eaten and poo poo this comes off a little light.

We did pretty much brush past the part where the Animorphs and Visser Three's Hork-Bajir Crew were posing as rival displays in a haunted house and I think that's an astounding idea.

# ? Jan 4, 2021 13:45

QuickbreathFinisher: Sep 28, 2008; by reading this post you have agreed to form a gay socialist micronation.
`

I have no idea if a gorilla wielding a rattlesnake as a whip would work if they were both on the same page about it but I love it. Marco wearing Ax like a necklace out of the fight is :allears:

# ? Jan 4, 2021 18:33

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

I like to imagine the head of Scholastic ducking into the office after receiving troubling reports of twelve-year-olds reading about depression, guilt and eviscerations. To which KAA responds, "what? nothing to see here! I'm just writing this ZANY book about pooping horses, alien toilets and a wacky chase through a fun-fair!!"

e: also, persistent ~~urban~~ rural legend has it that using a snake as a whip results in the head of said snake flying off and hitting the whip-ee in the foot, delivering a fatal dose of venom.

# ? Jan 5, 2021 00:29

Acebuckeye13: Nov 2, 2010; Ultra Carp

As we went through the book I did end up remembering bits and pieces (The toilet reveal, the haunted house encounter), but this was definitely one of the weirdest and wackiest books thus far.

# ? Jan 5, 2021 00:37

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Animorphs-Book 15:The Escape-Chapter 1

quote:

My name is Marco.

I�ve always kind of liked my name. Marco. It brings Marco Polo to mind. Not that my last name is Polo. Or maybe it is. I�m not going to tell you.

None of us will tell you our last names. None of us Animorphs. Or where we live. Or anything else that would help the Yeerks find us.

Yeerks? What are Yeerks? you wonder.

I�ll tell you. They are a species of parasites. Like tapeworms, only worse. See, Yeerks don�t just crawl up inside your stomach or intestines. They crawl inside your brain. They sink their malleable bodies into the nooks and crannies of your brain. They tie straight into your brain�s neurons. They control your brain. They control you more completely than it is possible for you to imagine. You think, Oh, well, I would still be able to keep control over myself. But you�d be wrong. See, if you had a Yeerk in your head right now, it would be the Yeerk that would be moving your hands and fingers; the Yeerk who�d be focusing your eyes; the Yeerk who�d be deciding if you were hungry. The Yeerks enter your brain and make you a slave. They open your memories and read them like a book. You can still think, sure. You can still feel. You can be afraid or angry or humiliated. But you can do nothing on your own. It is a slavery more total than any ever experienced on Earth. But then, the Yeerks aren�t from Earth.

Err....don't listen to him. Having a Yeerk in your head is great! You'd love it! It's like having a friend who cares about you all the time! That's if there were Yeerks, which there aren't. But I know a great place you can find friends! It's called the Sharing! You should join! <please...please help me....>

quote:

People with Yeerks in their heads are called Controllers. Human-Controllers, if the Yeerk has taken over a human. Hork-Bajir-Controllers, when the victim is a Hork-Bajir. Although pretty much all Hork-Bajir are Controllers, so we don�t really bother to say �Hork-Bajir-Controllers.�

We fight the Yeerk invasion led by the evil creature, Visser Three. Five human kids and an Andalite kid. We�re the only people who know what�s happening. Just us. And the Yeerks, of course.

And how do we fight? With the morphing power given to us by a dying Andalite prince. The power to become any animal we can touch.
The power to morph.

How do you know who is a Controller and who isn�t? That�s the problem. You don�t. You can look deep into the eyes of the person you trust most and never, ever guess that behind those eyes is an alien parasite.

Now you know why I won�t tell you my last name. Or where I live. Not even what state. See, I want to live. I want to live to fight.

And one day, I want to live to rescue the one person who matters most to me. The person whose eyes I looked into for years without knowing she was no longer my mother.

But being an Animorph is not always danger and battle. There are other times when the powers we possess can be useful. Even fun.

And on a nice Wednesday afternoon after school, I was at the mall with the others, doing just that: having fun. And we weren�t at the usual, everyday mall. This was the new, massive Mega Mall they�d built across town.

It was Cassie�s idea, oddly enough. Normally she�d be the last person to ever cook up a harebrained scheme. But this involved mistreating animals. And you don�t want to mess with animals when Cassie is around.

�Squuuaaaakk! The food is good! The food is good! Squuuaaakkk!�

It was me, Jake, Cassie, Tobias, Rachel, and Ax. Ax was in human morph, of course. So was Tobias. Tobias has regained his ability to morph now, but he�s still a red-tailed hawk. He can morph into his old human shape, but if he stays in that shape more than two hours, he�ll be trapped in it and never be able to morph again. He made the choice to live as a hawk and keep his morphing power.

I don�t know if I�d have been tough enough to make that choice.

As for Ax, well, he�s an Andalite. He has a human morph he uses sometimes. He was using it now, fortunately, or otherwise there would have been a lot of screaming and panicking and general weirding-out. An Andalite walking around the mall is something you notice.

�Squuuaaaakkkk! Try the Rain Forest burger. It�s squuuaaaakkk good!�

In this mall was a restaurant called the Amazon Cafe. It was a cool restaurant because it was like going on some ride at Disney World. The tables were totally surrounded by plants and stuff arranged to look like a jungle. There were lots of fake birds and fake alligators and fake snakes in fake trees.

Unfortunately, there were also some real birds. Parrots, to be exact. These parrots were out where people wait in line to get a table. They were on perches, surrounded by people. Old people, young people, cool people, annoying people. People who would try to scare the birds or feed them garbage or poke them with cigarette butts.

So this is obviously the Rain Forest Cafe. If you've never been to one, it's pretty much like it's described in the book here. It's standard fast casual food; burgers, sandwiches, pasta, chicken, ribs. It's pretty much the stuff you'd find in an Applebees or a TGIFridays. It's all done in a jungle/rainforest theme, though, with animatronic animals, sound effects, and things like that. No live parrots, I don't think

quote:

Which annoyed Cassie. It annoyed her so badly she had come to me and asked, �Marco, what can I do to save those poor birds? They aren�t allowed any dignity!�

And I had said, �Hmmm. Parrots, right? They talk, right?�

�Yeah. Why? Do you have an idea?�

�Oh, yes. I have a definite idea.�

And now, a couple days after that conversation, we were at the mall. And we were right in the forefront of people annoying the parrots.

�Say �Howard Stern rules!�� a kid urged a bright green parrot.

�Squuuaaaakkk! Amazon Cafe! It�s an adventure!�

�No, idiot bird dude, Howard Stern rules, man! Say �Howard Stern rules!��

�Moron,� Rachel sneered.

The kid turned to her. �Yeah, this bird is a total moron.�

�I wasn�t talking about the bird, you -�

Jake put his hand on Rachel�s shoulder, quieting her down. Rachel has an occasional problem with anger. And she has no tolerance for jerks.

Rachel is tall and blond and beautiful and totally without fear. Now, sure, way down inside she�s also insecure, scared by her own inability to fit in, and way too pressured to live up to her own high standards. But all that stuff is way down inside. Way down so far that if you ever tried to reach it, she�d have sliced and diced you before you even got close.

�Okay, let�s do this,� Jake said. �It�s almost time for them to clean the parrot perches, if Cassie�s timing is right.�

�Every day at this time,� Cassie assured us. �In fact, here comes the woman who does it.�

I saw a twenty-something woman in a waitress uniform coming toward us. She was carrying a large wire cage.

�Squuuuaaaakkk! Pot stickers! Pot stickers! Squuuaaaakkkk!�\

�Okay, we�re straight on this? Rachel, Marco, Cassie, and me, follow her to the back. Tobias and Ax, you stay here as backup.�

�Backup,� Ax agreed. �Ba-kup. Bakkup. Look! Is that the place where cinnamon buns are created? Oh, cinnamon buns. Bunzuh.�

Jake sighed. �Maybe after we�re done we could go to Cinnabon,� he said in his talking-to-lunatics voice.

See, in his own body, Ax has no mouth. Andalites talk by thought-speech and eat through their hooves. So when he�s human, the Ax-man can get a little weird about spoken sounds. And a lot weird about flavor. And utterly insane when exposed to cinnamon buns, which, as far as Ax is concerned, are the finest things the human race has ever created. Forget music and art. Ax would trade the Mona Lisa for a Cinnabon, straight across.

�Okay, she�s going!� Cassie warned.

The woman had stuffed the four parrots into the cage and was heading back into the restaurant.

We followed her.

�Duh duh, duh duh, duh duh, duh duh, duh duh,� I sang, doing the theme from Mission: Impossible. �Your mission, should you decide to accept it: Give the parrots back their dignity and strike a blow for Mommy Earth!�

Cassie rolled her eyes at me. Jake hid a smile.

�I can�t believe you�re going along with this, Jake. Responsible Jake giving his okay to a totally personal use of our powers. Never thought I�d see the day,� I teased him. �It�s �cause he really likes Cassie,� I added to Rachel in a stage whisper.

�It�s because I know that if I didn�t say yes, Cassie would do it anyway, and she�d get Rachel to go along, and possibly you, and the three of you need someone � someone sensible along.�

�Yes, Dad,� I mocked.

Jake made this deep-in-the-throat grinding noise he makes sometimes. But I just laughed. Jake�s been my best friend forever. He may be leader of the Animorphs, but that doesn�t mean I have to take him too seriously.

We followed the woman and the parrots up to the point when she walked through a doorway into a storage room. We waited till she came back out and headed up to clean the parrot perch. Then into the storage room we went.

�Dee dee dee, dee dee dee, dee dee dee, da dum!� I hummed.

�Have I mentioned shut up, Marco?� Rachel asked me in a conversational tone.

�Okay, come on, you guys,� Cassie urged.

We went to the parrot cage. Cassie removed the birds one by one, placing them into our hands. The birds remained very quiet as we acquired them. That�s what we call it when we absorb the DNA of an animal: acquiring. It always puts the animal in a kind of trance. The parrots were no different.

We hid the parrots in a well-ventilated cupboard. Cassie assured us it was safe. And now all that was left to do was to become the parrots. To morph the parrots.

So that�s what we did.

So the first chapter, as always, is our introduction to the series, something we've seen in every book thus far, but at least we're promised a wacky parrot adventure. And, of course, it's the standard.

"Now, guys, we've been given a special weapon by Prince Elfangor here to fight the Yeerks. It was his dying wish that we got this. We can never use morphing for anything other than fighting the Yeerks. It's a sacred trust and it would be a betrayal of the trust we put in us to use this frivolously.'

"Got it! We're going to go morph to avenge some parrots' dignity now."

Chapter 2

quote:

Most people would think morphing into an animal is fun. And I guess it is. But what it is, more than fun, is terrifying. And bizarre. And extreme.

Until you�ve done it, it�s impossible to really understand how extreme it is.

The body you�ve had since you were born, the body with two arms and two legs and a head with your own personal face stuck on the front, changes. It changes completely. Until nothing is left of you but your mind. You don�t have your fingers to wiggle, or your legs to stand on, or your mouth to talk with. You look at the world through another animal�s eyes.

As I focused my mind on the parrot, I felt the changes begin. The first thing that happened was that my skin turned green.

Not that tinge of green you might get when you�re sick or something. I�m talking GREEN.

Brilliant, glowing, lustrous green. The green of the parrot�s feathers.

�Whoa! Cool!� I said.

And it was cool, because at that same moment, the others were changing colors, too. Jake was turning as white as snow. Dead white. Rachel was a fascinating mix of yellow and orange. And Cassie � well, Cassie has a sort of unconscious talent for morphing. On her, deep crimson, red the color of blood, spread down from her shoulders, down and down her arms, down to her fingertips.

Then the color rose up her neck, to change her face like it was a glass pitcher being slowly filled with cherry Kool-Aid. The very last things to change were the whites of her eyes. For a brief second they shone white, then, like all the rest of her, they turned red.

Once my entire body was brilliant green, I began to shrink. The dirty floor of the storeroom rose up to meet me. It was like I was falling. Like I�d passed out and was dropping facefirst toward the floor.

And as I shrank, my feet became bird feet. My thick, solid human bones became hollow bird bones. My internal organs, my lungs and stomach and liver, all twisted around in ways that should have made me scream in agony - except for the fact that morphing technology deadens pain.

My green skin became even brighter as I became smaller. Feather patterns drew themselves across my skin. My fingers sprouted outward and thinned to become feathers.

And then my face simply exploded outward. My entire face. Just, SPROOT! My teeth, my lips, my nose, my chin, all bulged out like they were made of Silly Putty and someone was sticking their fist through from behind.

My skin - the skin that had been my cheeks and lips - turned hard. Hard as old fingernails. My huge, ridiculously large parrot beak was forming. It was the color of old-man fingernails.

You know, we haven't had body horror in a while. Thanks, book!

quote:

I looked out at my friends through sharply focused eyes. Not quite hawk eyes, but better than human vision.

<Well, aren�t we colorful?> I said in thought-speak. Thought-speak is the telepathy we have when we�re in morph.

<Better get into the cage quick, before that woman comes back,> Cassie urged.

And right about then, I felt the parrot brain bubble up within my own human mind. It was weird. I�ve dealt with animal brains that were nothing but fear, like a mouse brain, and animal brains that were all about killing, like a wolf spider�s brain. I�ve even had to deal with the machinelike, soulless brain of the ant. But it is rare to actually feel something like intelligence in that animal brain.

I�ve been a gorilla and a dolphin, and both of those are very smart animals. The parrot wasn�t that smart, but there was definite thinking power in that brain. The parrot could think. It could reason.

And, I realized, it could feel. It could feel emotions beyond simple instinct.

The parrot brain didn�t overwhelm my human consciousness. It was just there. And as I began to realize how complex that brain was, I began to understand why Cassie was so mad.

<Hey. These birds are smart,> I said.

<Very smart,> Cassie agreed. <Too smart to be stuck out there on a crappy perch and be pestered all day. These birds should be flying free in the rain forest, not stuck in a mall.>

<Not that we can really run around freeing every parrot in the country,> Jake said pointedly. <We�re clear on that, right?>

<Yeah, but we can make the Amazon Cafe wish it never heard of parrots,> I said.

A few minutes later, the woman came to carry us back out to the clean perches. I looked around at the crowd gathered there.

<Ah, so many people, so little time to insult them all,> I said. Then I tried something I have never tried with any morph. I tried to make the parrot speak.

Here�s a clue: It�s not easy talking when you have no lips. All the sounds have to kind of be made in the throat. Like a ventriloquist. But I figured it out, We all did. And then there was nothing left for us to do but talk to all the people standing in line.

And talk is what we did.

�Squuuuaaaakkk! Amazon burgers are made with cat meat! Squuuaaaakkk!�

�Squuuaaaakkk! Try our spaghetti with hair!�

�Squuuaaaakkk! Amazon Cafe nachos and toe jam!�

Tobias was in the crowd smirking as he watched the people turn slightly green. Ax was with him, scarfing a slice of pizza he�d gotten somewhere. I could only hope it wasn�t from the trash.

�Squuuaaakkk! Botulism! Food poisoning!�

�Squuuaaakkk! Enjoy the fried booger strips!�

Oddly enough, many people standing in line decided to go and find another restaurant. The restaurant manager took about five minutes to decide that real live parrots were maybe not a good idea. But we decided we�d make dead sure he got the message.

�Squuaaaakkk! By the way, is that your nose or are you eating a banana?�

�Squuaaakkk! What�s that on your head, a wombat?�

�Squuaaakkkk! It�s a toupee! It�s a toupee! Squuaaakkk!�

�Squuaaakkk! We should be flying free in our native habitat!�

That last one was Cassie, of course. It was a little talky for a parrot, if you asked me.

After that we were outta there. I spotted Tobias applauding softly and laughing. I was feeling pretty good, pretty cocky. Until I saw another face behind Tobias, way back in the crowd.

I knew the face. Erek.

Erek, the Chee.

You know when Erek shows up, that means good news right there!

# ? Jan 5, 2021 04:47

nine-gear crow: Aug 10, 2013

Even as a kid I thought Rainforest Cafes were cheesy and pretentious as poo poo and never quite felt comfortable whenever we�d go to one. When the one that used to be in the big mall we�d go to on and off got ripped out and replaced by an Old Navy I was like �Oh, jeez, wow, that�s just tooooo bad :smuggo:

�

It�s definitely a franchise on the decline, as evidenced by its Wikipedia page listing more closed locations than currently active ones.

# ? Jan 5, 2021 07:25

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

I remember this bit, but this is the first I'm learning that Rainforest Cafe was a real franchise. Marco calling it cool and comparing it to Disneyworld feels very '90s and very much a provincial 13-year-old's opinion.

Other thoughts:

quote:

Now, sure, way down inside she�s also insecure, scared by her own inability to fit in, and way too pressured to live up to her own high standards.

Impossible to tell whether this is Marco speculating/partially projecting, or whether Applegate feels like because Marco is the smart perceptive one she can just put her feet up and give a 100% honest character run-down from her own notes in the obligatory introduction chapter. I like that.

quote:

And on a nice Wednesday afternoon after school, I was at the mall with the others, doing just that: having fun. And we weren�t at the usual, everyday mall. This was the new, massive Mega Mall they�d built across town.

# ? Jan 5, 2021 09:35

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Rain Forest Cafes were one of those very 90s trying to be environmentally sensitive and aware things that were well intentioned but, uh, probably weren't much effective in practice. I almost miss that naive kind of enthusiasm twenty years and change later.

# ? Jan 5, 2021 22:49

feetnotes: Jan 29, 2008

The authors were living in Minneapolis while writing these books, a few hours from where I grew up. The Rainforest Cafe in the Mall of America there did used to have live parrots hanging out for regular presentations in the 90s - it always made me think of this book!

I'm pretty sure the Paul Bunyan-themed log ride in the Gardens from the last book is a reference to the Paul Bunyan log ride in that same mall, featuring the shaky-looking Paul and absolutely terrifying Babe as described (Also sorry, best picture I could find has them in themed costumes for Hulk Hogan's pasta restaurant (???) so there's more weird 90s nostalgia for you):

I've read some interviews where the authors said they made choices like having Tobias turn into a red-tailed hawk, which is very common, so that kids could see elements from the books in their own lives and have their imagination inspired. These kinds of recognizable-to-a-kid landmarks were cool to see in books I enjoyed when I was young!

# ? Jan 5, 2021 23:06

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

is that called PASTAMANIA!!! please tell me it is

# ? Jan 5, 2021 23:13

feetnotes: Jan 29, 2008

That appears to be the case!

# ? Jan 5, 2021 23:17

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# ? May 25, 2024 00:59

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

YESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS

# ? Jan 5, 2021 23:20

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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