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xtal posted:"I'll come back for my Santorum" Lmao that's *chef's kiss*
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Aug 22, 2020 20:44
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This is extremely weird, given my very recent struggles with making an edible pilau rice, but today I decided to try a different absorption method rice -coconut/chili/kaffir lime jasmine rice a la tineats. I halve the recipe, I check the calculations because lol imagine if I make a dumb mistake like last time. I recheck the calculations. I start assembling the ingredients into the pot as per the recipe. I'm about to pour the water in, but it doesn't look right, it looks like way too much. I recheck the numbers again - gently caress I have them wrong somehow??? Phew, at least I get to fix it before I start. I pour the water in and start cookin. Hang on I think, this is not right, there is nowhere near enough water in this pot for this much rice. I swear I can count, I am normally good at scaling up and down but for some bizarre reason, cooking rice by the absorption method totally breaks my brain. I add a guesstimation of the right amount of water and hope for the best. I cook for the appropriate time and have a peek. Looks ok! I push the pot to the back of the hob to sit for 10-15 mins to get fluffy. I come back and take off the lid - wow, ok, it's really really steamy and it's ...sizzling? Oh poo poo. I started cooking on that same back ring and didn't turn it off when I moved the pot to simmer on a smaller ring. It's been cooking away for ten minutes when it should have been resting. AAAAA. I take it off the heat and stick the bottom of the pot in cold water to at least try to make clean up easier. I leave it for 10 minutes to destick so I can throw it away with less trouble. I come back to investigate the terrible rice mush, I stir it gently with a fork. How is it fluffy? How is it even still rice-shaped? I carefully remove the rice from the pot with the fork, and it's tender and sticky but still has distinct grains, it's not even very burnt - only slightly toasted at the bottom. It tastes fine and will go nicely with my saté. tl/dr I consistently gently caress up simple rice recipes and still end up with perfectly edible, even tasty rice. It appears to be my shameful super power.
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Sep 1, 2020 18:58
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So the debate happened, and I decided the next day I needed to bake a pie to restore some sense of wholesomeness. I haven't actually made a pie in over a decade, and the last one I did make exploded. Undeterred by my abysmal rolling pin skills, and confident in my mother's assurances that making pie dough in a food processor is idiot proof (it is, thanks mom!) I set out to make blueberry pie, even humblebragging to the FIL on my way to the store about it. I get my supplies, not having looked at the recipe in hours secure in my estimation of how many blueberries you need for one pie. I got about 3/5 of the amount I needed. Its cool, I have a freezer full of cranberries, I'll just cook the filling first and let it cool, add a bit more sugar. Time to roll out the crust. Its shaped kind of like a figure 8 got ambitious but you know what that's fine we're going to trim the edges anyways and it probably is the right size I should get my pie pan and check. My pie pan has vanished. I distinctly recall using it like 2 weeks ago as an emergency roasting pan but it has gone into the ether. THATS OK I HAVE CAKE PANS we'll just make this deep dish. The crust mostly fits and I smash bits of pie crust into the spots where it doesn't. Its probably fine. Pour in the filling, roll out the top layer and remember that I am bad at rolling, but lattices are easy. Lattice top is perfect, the outer crust is, well its doing its best, but I think the butter's starting to melt in the dough and its mushy in a very unappealing way. Pop it in the oven, until its bubbling over. The one stroke of luck here is that I had greased up a cast iron and set it in the oven to season up while I was going to have the oven on for awhile so it caught all the filling that spilled over. Its currently cooling and I'm coming to terms with the fact that I don't own a pie server so we'll see how I do getting it out.
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Oct 2, 2020 04:26
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Pictures, please!
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Oct 2, 2020 05:22
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Long ago, I was in the high Arctic and we received a poo poo-ton of fresh produce from a friendly Canadian Coast Guard ship (long story). By a couple of days later, each of had to eat SOME GODDAM FRUIT SALAD before leaving the table, 3 meals a day. To use up some of the blueberries (and few other soft berries, I think there were still a few raspberries and so forth around) we (mainly me) decided to make blueberry crumble. Basically, a blueberry pie but the crust is the lazier version of just mixing together flour, butter, water, and a bunch of oatmeal and granola to put on top of the fruit. Like Guildenstern Mother, we didn't have a pie plate, so we used bread pans. We made hot blueberry soup, with dumplings. The berries liquefied, and the crust formed lumps as it baked on top of the simmering blueberry juice. Tasted pretty good, though. EDIT: I was mistaken. We HAD pie dishes but they were full of not-at-all-Disiasterous peach pies.  DSCN7054 by Martin Brummell, on Flickr(not pictured: GOD DAMNED FRUIT SALAD, the immense quantity still remaining 5 days after we received the food) ExecuDork fucked around with this message at 05:57 on Oct 2, 2020 |
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Oct 2, 2020 05:37
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Just mixed up a squeeze bottle of avocado oil and EVOO and noticed after like $15 worth 
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Mar 12, 2021 02:32
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xtal posted:Just mixed up a squeeze bottle of avocado oil and EVOO and noticed after like $15 worth Whatever you put that on / mix into, make sure you do it with a clear signal of your who-cares-about-money-this-is-FOOD-dammit attitude. Pinky finger fully extended!
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Mar 12, 2021 04:35
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My friend and I wanted to cook Easter dinner for a bunch of her Greek Orthodox friends. Big spread of Middle Eastern dishes with the main attraction being a rotisserie lamb. I dug a pit for the charcoals and had an ancient electric rotisserie that would hold a good size lamb. She picked up the lamb from a farmer's market on Saturday so we could marinate it overnight. She showed up at my front door with a box in her arms, crying, I said, "What's wrong?". When she ordered the lamb she said she wanted a whole lamb. When she got to the stall they handed her a box. She said, "What's this?". They told her, "That's your lamb. We figured we should cut it up in chunks so it will be easier for you to cook.". Irate she told them, "I said I wanted a WHOLE lamb!". Their eyes widened and they said, "Oh! you wanted a wwwhhhooolllleee lamb!". She said, "Oh I'm sorry I thought a whole lamb was a whole lamb. I'm sorry I didn't say wwwhhhooollleee lamb!", took her box and left. I said, "Heather, we can fix this!". We proceeded to the basement and got to work with some bailing wire. The pieces went pretty much where they were supposed to and we rubbed that sucker down with salt, lavender and other good stuff. In the morning I shoved it on the spit and started up the rotisserie. The bailing wire did the trick but there was a lack of rigidity to the legs and head. When the lamb would turn the legs and head would flop around in a hideous and horrifying manner. You could only look at it briefly before your stomach would turn. As the party was getting under way people would ask excitedly, "Where's the lamb!". I'd just point and then they would come back with furrowed brows. We had an empty dog house near the rotisserie (dog died a few months before), a kid asked, "Where's your dog?". I just looked over at the lamb. The kid went running to her parents. I walked a couple people over to it and when they looked at it I yelled, "It's alive!". We then referred to it as "Frankenlamb". It was wonderful when it came off the spit.
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Mar 12, 2021 19:02
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twit666 posted:My friend and I wanted to cook Easter dinner for a bunch of her Greek Orthodox friends. Big spread of Middle Eastern dishes with the main attraction being a rotisserie lamb. I dug a pit for the charcoals and had an ancient electric rotisserie that would hold a good size lamb. She picked up the lamb from a farmer's market on Saturday so we could marinate it overnight. She showed up at my front door with a box in her arms, crying, I said, "What's wrong?". When she ordered the lamb she said she wanted a whole lamb. When she got to the stall they handed her a box. She said, "What's this?". They told her, "That's your lamb. We figured we should cut it up in chunks so it will be easier for you to cook.". Irate she told them, "I said I wanted a WHOLE lamb!". Their eyes widened and they said, "Oh! you wanted a wwwhhhooolllleee lamb!". She said, "Oh I'm sorry I thought a whole lamb was a whole lamb. I'm sorry I didn't say wwwhhhooollleee lamb!", took her box and left. I said, "Heather, we can fix this!". We proceeded to the basement and got to work with some bailing wire. The pieces went pretty much where they were supposed to and we rubbed that sucker down with salt, lavender and other good stuff. In the morning I shoved it on the spit and started up the rotisserie. The bailing wire did the trick but there was a lack of rigidity to the legs and head. When the lamb would turn the legs and head would flop around in a hideous and horrifying manner. You could only look at it briefly before your stomach would turn. As the party was getting under way people would ask excitedly, "Where's the lamb!". I'd just point and then they would come back with furrowed brows. We had an empty dog house near the rotisserie (dog died a few months before), a kid asked, "Where's your dog?". I just looked over at the lamb. The kid went running to her parents. I walked a couple people over to it and when they looked at it I yelled, "It's alive!". We then referred to it as "Frankenlamb". It was wonderful when it came off the spit. christos loving anesti
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Mar 12, 2021 19:07
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Yeah we can close the thread, nobody is going to top that.
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Mar 12, 2021 21:13
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twit666 posted:We had an empty dog house near the rotisserie (dog died a few months before), a kid asked, "Where's your dog?". I just looked over at the lamb. The kid went running to her parents. Laughed irl at this, holy poo poo 
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Mar 12, 2021 21:33
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twit666 posted:My friend and I wanted to cook Easter dinner for a bunch of her Greek Orthodox friends. Big spread of Middle Eastern dishes with the main attraction being a rotisserie lamb. I dug a pit for the charcoals and had an ancient electric rotisserie that would hold a good size lamb. She picked up the lamb from a farmer's market on Saturday so we could marinate it overnight. She showed up at my front door with a box in her arms, crying, I said, "What's wrong?". When she ordered the lamb she said she wanted a whole lamb. When she got to the stall they handed her a box. She said, "What's this?". They told her, "That's your lamb. We figured we should cut it up in chunks so it will be easier for you to cook.". Irate she told them, "I said I wanted a WHOLE lamb!". Their eyes widened and they said, "Oh! you wanted a wwwhhhooolllleee lamb!". She said, "Oh I'm sorry I thought a whole lamb was a whole lamb. I'm sorry I didn't say wwwhhhooollleee lamb!", took her box and left. I said, "Heather, we can fix this!". We proceeded to the basement and got to work with some bailing wire. The pieces went pretty much where they were supposed to and we rubbed that sucker down with salt, lavender and other good stuff. In the morning I shoved it on the spit and started up the rotisserie. The bailing wire did the trick but there was a lack of rigidity to the legs and head. When the lamb would turn the legs and head would flop around in a hideous and horrifying manner. You could only look at it briefly before your stomach would turn. As the party was getting under way people would ask excitedly, "Where's the lamb!". I'd just point and then they would come back with furrowed brows. We had an empty dog house near the rotisserie (dog died a few months before), a kid asked, "Where's your dog?". I just looked over at the lamb. The kid went running to her parents. I walked a couple people over to it and when they looked at it I yelled, "It's alive!". We then referred to it as "Frankenlamb". It was wonderful when it came off the spit. 
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Mar 13, 2021 02:03
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I thought the covert milkshake drinking and maggot drink fountain posts from early in the thread would never be topped but I have been proven wrong
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Mar 13, 2021 08:20
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lamb story made my friggin night lmao. thank you for that! glad it turned out well! im back home now with plenty of eastern orthodox folks who host community Greek festivals. here's to hoping covid fucks off so i can tuck onto some delicious homemade Greek grub sooner than later
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Mar 15, 2021 05:18
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twit666 posted:My friend and I wanted to cook Easter dinner for a bunch of her Greek Orthodox friends. Big spread of Middle Eastern dishes with the main attraction being a rotisserie lamb. I dug a pit for the charcoals and had an ancient electric rotisserie that would hold a good size lamb. She picked up the lamb from a farmer's market on Saturday so we could marinate it overnight. She showed up at my front door with a box in her arms, crying, I said, "What's wrong?". When she ordered the lamb she said she wanted a whole lamb. When she got to the stall they handed her a box. She said, "What's this?". They told her, "That's your lamb. We figured we should cut it up in chunks so it will be easier for you to cook.". Irate she told them, "I said I wanted a WHOLE lamb!". Their eyes widened and they said, "Oh! you wanted a wwwhhhooolllleee lamb!". She said, "Oh I'm sorry I thought a whole lamb was a whole lamb. I'm sorry I didn't say wwwhhhooollleee lamb!", took her box and left. I said, "Heather, we can fix this!". We proceeded to the basement and got to work with some bailing wire. The pieces went pretty much where they were supposed to and we rubbed that sucker down with salt, lavender and other good stuff. In the morning I shoved it on the spit and started up the rotisserie. The bailing wire did the trick but there was a lack of rigidity to the legs and head. When the lamb would turn the legs and head would flop around in a hideous and horrifying manner. You could only look at it briefly before your stomach would turn. As the party was getting under way people would ask excitedly, "Where's the lamb!". I'd just point and then they would come back with furrowed brows. We had an empty dog house near the rotisserie (dog died a few months before), a kid asked, "Where's your dog?". I just looked over at the lamb. The kid went running to her parents. I walked a couple people over to it and when they looked at it I yelled, "It's alive!". We then referred to it as "Frankenlamb". It was wonderful when it came off the spit. I really wish there was a picture of this culinary wonder.
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Mar 15, 2021 20:00
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BromanderData posted:I really wish there was a picture of this culinary wonder. I'll ask Heather. I don't have one.
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Mar 15, 2021 21:25
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twit666 posted:I'll ask Heather. I don't have one. Tell her you need a pic of the wwwwhhhhooooooolllle lamb.
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Mar 16, 2021 11:11
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Tell her you need a pic of the wwwwhhhhooooooolllle lamb. Heather has failed me once again. I knew "Pics or it didn't happen." was going to pop up.
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Mar 16, 2021 16:09
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Eh, more of a morbid curiosity than denial. Hell, halfway thinking of attempting to try to recreate it. Knowing me, I would lose bits into the coals, though. Years back I was invited to a pig roast, and I was sad to see it was catered, and the pig looked to have been baked on a giant sheet. I know now it would be crazy to expect a real spit for a largish pig, but expectations were different.
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Mar 16, 2021 17:54
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Like whether or not it happened, its good enough story that I believe it happened Because life is more fun when you're not constantly a cynical rear end in a top hat about funny stories
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Mar 16, 2021 18:00
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I refuse to believe that no one took a video of the floppy rotating nightmare lamb. Try the teenagers, I promise one of them made a tiktok.
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Mar 16, 2021 18:05
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Arkhamina posted:Eh, more of a morbid curiosity than denial. Hell, halfway thinking of attempting to try to recreate it. Knowing me, I would lose bits into the coals, though. Roasted pig pics I've got!
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Mar 17, 2021 19:09
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Foil to protect from burning? Also the eyes look gnarly, like some sort of stage makeup. We have been tossing around all sorts of ideas for our 'everyone is vaccinated, celebrating' party, including a rotisserie. I am not sure we would use it enough to merit owning one. I used to live in Minneapolis, and a local halal butcher sold whole lamb and goats. I always wanted to pick one up, and do a whole animal roast. Don't have the space for a full cinder block thing like you!
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Mar 18, 2021 17:42
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One from last week that I still haven't gotten around to checking up on. I made lattes for my wife and myself, a nice lazy-Sunday kind of thing. We found a milk frother in the tip shop months ago (the tip shop is attached to the municipal dump, they rescue sellable items and let you just walk around piles of random stuff and the prices are set by a shrug and a wave) that I cleaned up and got working, and I'd used it according to the instructions a while ago but brainfarted last weekend. Instead of water, I filled the reservoir with milk. Full cream, 100% Australian milk. So that boiled and produced steam that I shot into a mug filled with (cold) milk, and made lattes. The next day - it sat like that, unplugged, for a full day - I cleaned it and wondered why there was so much brown guck baked on to the inside. Duh. I need to run some very clean water through it and make sure there isn't any rotting milk stuff left in there.  \/\/\/ Good idea! thanks! ExecuDork fucked around with this message at 05:20 on Mar 29, 2021 |
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Mar 29, 2021 01:23
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ExecuDork posted:One from last week that I still haven't gotten around to checking up on. I suggest running a bunch of 50/50 vinegar/water through it, then flush it with some clean water.
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Mar 29, 2021 01:34
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Wouldn't call it a full disaster, but I bought some flavor syrups to do coffee and steamers and such. I don't know why I though lemon milk would work (it's been a long day) but I frothed milk with a shot of Monin Lemon, and got citric acid curdled milk, into uh, sort of a beverage? My desire to not waste food is warring with 'sour chunky lemon drink'. I know it's not bad-curdled. It's still... Textured unpleasant steamed milk.
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May 17, 2021 22:32
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If you're super determined to waste a minimal amount of food then as a compromise you could strain it through some cheesecloth, toss the curds and drink the smooth liquid. Another thing you could try is throwing it in the blender for a few minutes.
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May 18, 2021 04:16
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Just completely blanked out and added a cup of dark soy sauce to my braised chicken instead of light, this stuff is dyed near black all the way to the bone lmao
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May 18, 2021 07:06
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CrazySalamander posted:If you're super determined to waste a minimal amount of food then as a compromise you could strain it through some cheesecloth, toss the curds and drink the smooth liquid. Another thing you could try is throwing it in the blender for a few minutes.
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May 18, 2021 08:02
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twit666 posted:Roasted pig pics I've got! Where this pig was going, it didn't need eyes to see.
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May 31, 2021 01:54
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Tried making the pickled fries from Bon Appetit, but I forgot acid prevents browning, and overcooked them by a good four minutes :-\
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Jul 2, 2021 19:04
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not the worst thing i've done, but i used my finger to stir the salt into just a little water for adding to a brine and pickled my dang finger
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Jul 6, 2021 02:04
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how...how long were you stirring?
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Jul 8, 2021 06:55
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I made lemon bars today, and the “bar” detached during baking and floated to the top, so now i have bars where the cookie is on top, and the filling is on the bottom.
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Jul 17, 2021 03:17
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Gann Jerrod posted:I made lemon bars today, and the “bar” detached during baking and floated to the top, so now i have bars where the cookie is on top, and the filling is on the bottom. you can pass them off as "Australian style"
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Jul 17, 2021 06:11
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What if you just... Turn them upside down?
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Jul 17, 2021 10:05
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Or you could eat them while standing on your head.
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Jul 17, 2021 11:00
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Gann Jerrod posted:I made lemon bars today, and the “bar” detached during baking and floated to the top, so now i have bars where the cookie is on top, and the filling is on the bottom. My friend and I used to try to make lemon bars while extremely high all the time and never, not once did we make anything even close to a recognizable lemon bar. If you're only problem is that the layers switched, you're doing better than me! We still ate the attempts. They tasted good.
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Jul 21, 2021 10:58
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I was not high just extremely depressed Expired lemon juice and a boatload of icing sugar do not, in fact, magically turn into edible lemon bar filling when combined
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Jul 22, 2021 14:09
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| # ? Jun 10, 2024 20:30 |
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If you've been cutting chillis, and you've washed your hands extremely thoroughly and are absolutely sure that no trace of chilli could possibly remain: still don't touch your eye.
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Aug 13, 2021 10:39
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