Descend to slumber posted:

I say option three, before you consider any further actions make sure to cut that dick clean off!


Uh, but make sure you leave your balls on for aesthetic purposes.

value-brand cereal posted:

Was it this confession thread or another one where the op thinks their uncle/relative was involved with the Chicago Tylenol murders? Anyone remember a follow up to that? Maybe it was an en thread. I hope genitals were applied to in any case.

blight rhino posted:

someone repost the bug warrior
please

my searches haven't prevailed.

loquacius posted:

About sixteen years ago, I was a biology major and pre-med student in college. Unfortunately, I was also in a crosswalk at the same time as a delivery van speeding to beat a red light. I was severely injured and lost consciousness for two weeks. While I was in the coma, I had an extremely vivid dream. I dreamed I was living in a fantastic jungle populated entirely by giant insects, and the only way I could survive was by crafting a knife and a spear, and then hunting massive armored beetles the size of school busses with horns and spikes and turning their shells into wicked cool looking RPG fantasy armor. Taking down giant blue and purple moths and turning them into hang gliders to explore the world. Climbing up inside giant hollow trees to hunt glowing scorpions.

It was like every open world RPG I'd ever played, except a million times more chromatic and epic and I knew I was actually there, not in a computer game. Subjectively there was no day-night cycle, but it felt like I spent about a month in that amazing, colorful world. Then all of a sudden there was a bright white light and I woke up alone in my hospital bed, and I just lay there dazed, confused, and in a massive amount of pain. I could vaguely remember my dream, but not any of the details or the excitement, I think that the shock of waking up out of my coma temporarily drove the specifics of the dream from my memory.

A nurse wandered by a few minutes later and called my doctor to report that I'd regained awareness, and she explained that there had been an accident, I had been out for two weeks, and that I'd broken three bones in my arms and legs, as well as fractured my collarbone and had a nasty crack to the head. I was told that if all went well and I committed to physical therapy, I would need about five months to fully regain my mobility. My family's lawyer had driven out from Rhode Island to deal with the van driver's insurance company, who more or less settled without argument after seeing the dashcam video.

Hospital physical therapy started out as being painful and boring, until they decided I was recovered enough to return to my apartment near campus, start going back to class, and do my therapy at the (very good) physical therapy teaching program on campus. I was paired with a tiny little student therapist girl whose area of focus was using martial arts techniques to teach patients to recover balance and strength. She herself was a naginata (a sort of asian spear with a hooked blade) competitor, while I should mention that the closest I'd ever been to a fight was playing sweeper on my high school soccer team.

At about the 4-month therapy mark, she brought out a pair of padded poles and said we were going to try introductory naginata practice to help me coordinate moving my upper and lower body. So she started showing me some of the basic cuts and blocks and it wasn't much different than other aspects of therapy I'd tried before. She said I was her first "test case" for sports therapy and that not only was I regaining my balance well, I was picking up the technique like natural.

Two weeks later, we were practicing for real (at least I was trying for real, it was probably way below her skill level). I cut sideways at her shin, and she blocked my pole and flipped it up, right out of my hands, and thrust at my throat guard. In that moment, I had an instant flashback where I recalled, for the first time, my entire coma dream, every fight with a giant insect or spider, every move, counter, and strike. I twisted down and sideways and the 'blade' end of her weapon slipped past my facemask by half an inch. I grabbed it, pulled it straight out of her grip, and struck her straight back into her helmet with the butt end.

She stared at me, and asked me where the hell that move had came from. I just sat down and started crying, I remembered the whole adventure in clear detail for the first time, and what an experience it was. Imagine going on vacation to somewhere more amazing than any place you ever thought could possibly exist, and then coming back to the world and your boring job and boring life, only a million times worse than that.

I never went back to therapy, talked to that girl, or tried any other martial art ever again. Even the thought of doing any of that instantly brings back the one time in my life when I actually felt like I belonged in a place meant for me, a perfect, amazing place, even if that place was entirely inside my brain inside a shattered body.

Desert Bus posted:

It was in this PYF thread somewhere. The FBI looked into it but didn't find anything, if I am remembering it correctly.

https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3631148

hosed-Up Little Dog posted:

Splicer posted:

Option 1) talk to your wife (boring)
Option 2) secret camera pointing at the pills (illegal?)
Option 3) cut your dick off (preferred)
Option 4) hide the sleeping pills and leave out sugar pill decoys (cowardly)
Option 5) hide the sleeping pills and leave out caffeine pill decoys (optimal A++ solution would recommend)

quote:

I used to write confessions a few years back about my lowkey drinking problem. I'm doing a lot better now and while my relationship with alcohol will always be complicated I'm learning to heal. So thanks to those of you who actually read and responded to my confessions.

a mysterious cloak posted:

Option 6: cut your dick into pill-sized bits and put those in the sleeping pill bottle

yeah I eat rear end posted:

My favorite thing is how oblivious cat owners are to how bad their home smells. Cats smell better than dogs close up, but a cat house 99% of the time smells a ton worse than a dog only house unless you are ultra-diligent about cleaning tge shitbox, and goons arent exactly known for diligence and general hygeine.

quote:

So, I'm about 75% sure I have just stumbled onto one of my wife's friends' nude pics.

I have a porn account on Reddit, and while browsing through it idly yesterday I found a nude selfie that looked extremely familiar. None of the account's pictures show her face per se, but she has a very distinctive look -- she's biracial black/white, and the Reddit poster has made comments indicating that she is as well, but she still has dark blonde hair, with a very specific part of it dyed a very specific shade of purple. The picture that got my attention has the face obscured by the poster's phone, but the rest of her is a dead ringer, down to the purple dyed spot.

Obviously I've never seen my wife's friend naked, but the hair alone was distinctive enough to set off alarm bells.

The poster has an OnlyFans account where she shows her face, apparently, but you have to pay money to see anything at all and I'm not about to put a record on my credit card bill of me paying money to see one of my wife's friends naked. That's a terrible idea, even if I'm only doing it so I can verify whether it's really her.

To take it a step further, my wife, completely independently of this, suggested grabbing lunch with the friend in question and her husband this weekend since we're between houses and staying in their general area for a few weeks.

So, I guess my question is, what the hell do I do with this information? I love gossip, and my wife does too (we gossip together about our friends all the time) but something about the specific circumstances of this, namely that I found porn of one of her friends, seems like it'd be going too far. But is keeping this a secret worse? This is a genuine ethical dilemma, which is complicated by my gossip-loving brain basically bursting with the urge to talk to someone about it.

Additional facts: (a) my wife is aware of my porn account and that I use it fairly regularly, she's fine with this; (b) I don't know whether the friend would ACTUALLY cheat on her husband, but based on some of the subreddits her account posts to and some of the captions she leaves on them (eg "Let's gently caress in the shower while hubby is in the other room"), it is absolutely part of her brand for people to THINK she would. I like her husband a lot and this makes me super uncomfortable.

AmbassadorofSodomy posted:

I wonder if road rage goon is still road raging or if he road raged on someone with a gun and got capped after trying to run them off the road.

Rupert Buttermilk posted:

If your wife is fine with your porn account, then go nuts, show her the pics/profile.

burial posted:

quote:

 That's a terrible idea, even if I'm only doing it so I can verify whether it's really her.

ante posted:

Take it to the grave, idiot

Name a single possible positive outcome

McSpanky posted:

Was this also the guy who routinely got into fights and got his rear end kicked, or am I conflating two variations on the "idiot with anger issues" theme?

burial posted:

Seems like it'd be pretty hard to tell your wife about this without addressing the extent of your, uh, research. I'm not sure being fine with your porn account would cover something like this. You seem to get that, though.

How close are you with the guy?

Bust Rodd posted:

“Hey honey, do So-&-So do porn?”
“Uh, I’m not sure, I don’t think so”
“Hey is this her?”
“Whoa yeah that does look like her, drat she’s pretty cute.”
“Do you think her husband knows?”
“I’m sure, who do you think is taking the pix?”

-how a normal couple of adults should have this conversation in 2021.

Shooting nudes for cash became one of the most popular ways for women to make extra cash during the pandemic, acting like a scandalized teen about it makes you seem like a dork and a virgin.

ante posted:

Take it to the grave, idiot

Name a single possible positive outcome