Post the worst pizza ever in this thread: No Gods, No Mestres

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Post the worst pizza ever in this thread: No Gods, No Mestres

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Nosfereefer: Jun 15, 2011; IF YOU FIND THIS POSTER OUTSIDE BYOB, PLEASE RETURN THEM. WE ARE VERY WORRIED AND WE MISS THEM

JonathonSpectre posted:

This is some seriously stupid bullshit. No one could possibly loving want to eat this compared to an actual, you know, cooked pizza. It reminds me of that vid with the child insisting an onion is an apple, even as they bite into it and it becomes clear it is not, the child doubles down and continues to pretend to enjoy it.

that was the former prime minister of australia

# ? Apr 28, 2021 14:00

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# ? May 23, 2024 23:07

JonathonSpectre: Jul 23, 2003; I replaced the Shermatar and text with this because I don't wanna see racial slurs every time you post what the fuck; Soiled Meat

Nosfereefer posted:

that was the former prime minister of australia

An honest mistake.

# ? Apr 28, 2021 14:32

AHH F/UGH: May 25, 2002

Truth: the cold cheese on top of the pizza is put there in lots of Midwest and Northeast state pizza places because when drunk college students come in on the weekend and get a slice after clubbing, they would burn the roof of their mouth on hot reheated pizza slices, so they put that cheese on top to prevent that.

# ? Apr 28, 2021 14:42

Outrail: Jan 4, 2009; www.sapphicrobotica.com

AHH F/UGH posted:

Truth: the cold cheese on top of the pizza is put there in lots of Midwest and Northeast state pizza places because when drunk college students come in on the weekend and get a slice after clubbing, they would burn the roof of their mouth on hot reheated pizza slices, so they put that cheese on top to prevent that.

What. This is some actual irl snowflake bullshit, learn to eat ameridumbs

# ? Apr 28, 2021 14:52

uber_stoat: Jan 21, 2001; Pillbug

if you're drunk enough you won't notice you burned your mouth until you wake up the next day. get in there cheese-ailures.

# ? Apr 28, 2021 14:54

Light Gun Man: Oct 17, 2009; toEjaM iS oN
vaCatioN; Lipstick Apathy

if you're at a buffet a dumb pizza trick is to get a slice and put some cottage cheese on top

it's not awful

# ? Apr 28, 2021 15:01

AHH F/UGH: May 25, 2002

Outrail posted:

What. This is some actual irl snowflake bullshit, learn to eat ameridumbs

Timestamp: 17:30 onwards

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xQXYWxZCPqA

# ? Apr 28, 2021 15:23

super sweet best pal: Nov 18, 2009

William Henry Hairytaint posted:

Bell pepper on pizza is just like why?

Capsaicin free peppers are a passable substitute for mildly spicy ones.

# ? Apr 28, 2021 15:38

Fantastic Foreskin: Jan 6, 2013; A golden helix streaked skyward from the Helvault. A thunderous explosion shattered the silver monolith and Avacyn emerged, free from her prison at last.

Red, maybe, green, never.

# ? Apr 28, 2021 15:44

AARD VARKMAN: May 17, 1993

no pix but i was very high last night and ended up undercooking a frozen pizza by 10 minutes. i did not realize this when the pizza was the wrong color, however, i realized it when i took a bite of what i thought was a long strand of cheese and it was actually straight up uncooked dough. :thumbsup:

# ? Apr 28, 2021 15:58

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Did you go back and continue cooking it or just roll with it?

# ? Apr 28, 2021 16:00

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

If you burn the roof of your mouth numerous times while eating pizza, you're probably a fatty. I saw my friend constantly struggling to eat pizza furiously while my other friend and I were just like "Slow down dude. The pizza isn't going anywhere."

Here's a tip. Wait a couple of minutes. The pizza magically cools down.

# ? Apr 28, 2021 16:05

AARD VARKMAN: May 17, 1993

I wrapped it in foil, having decided I wasn't really that hungry, and then I went to bed. it's sitting on my stove right now, waiting for me

I'm gonna pass on eating the half cooked pizza cold and throw it back in the oven for lunch

# ? Apr 28, 2021 16:06

shadow puppet of a: Jan 10, 2007; NO TENGO SCORPIO

Congrats on throwing a bacteria equivalent of spring break

# ? Apr 28, 2021 16:13

AARD VARKMAN: May 17, 1993

listen if i haven't gotten sick from any of my previous hundreds of questionable fuckups i probably wont get sick from this one

# ? Apr 28, 2021 16:20

nunsexmonkrock: Apr 13, 2008

Edit: I was a page or 2 behind so what I said won't make sense.

# ? Apr 28, 2021 17:24

AHH F/UGH: May 25, 2002

Pennywise the Frown posted:

If you burn the roof of your mouth numerous times while eating pizza, you're probably a fatty. I saw my friend constantly struggling to eat pizza furiously while my other friend and I were just like "Slow down dude. The pizza isn't going anywhere."

Here's a tip. Wait a couple of minutes. The pizza magically cools down.

Don't pretend like you've never been too drunk for common sense and understanding the passage of time!

# ? Apr 28, 2021 17:31

Harold Stassen: Jan 24, 2016

I do enjoy sneaking a few bits of cheese while grating it for pizza, the texture and freshly released flavor just when it's shredded is divine, especially with a good quality mozza (though edam and gouda are underrated pizza cheeses imo). I can see that kinda working but that is definitely a stoned move as opposed to a legitimate "style" of pizza- no way the commercial cheese is going to be good in that presentation (imagine eating cold Provel :barf:

). And cold pepperoni? Lol gently caress off

# ? Apr 28, 2021 17:41

ekuNNN: Nov 27, 2004; by Jeffrey of YOSPOS

https://i.imgur.com/WiYf8iV.mp4

# ? Apr 28, 2021 19:20

nooneofconsequence: Oct 30, 2012; she had tiny Italian boobs.
Well that's my story.

steinrokkan posted:

There's a particular place that is "famous" for the cold cheese shtick, and comes up semi-regularly as a result. You are probably thinking about that.

there's so much evil in the world

# ? Apr 28, 2021 20:11

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

AHH F/UGH posted:

Don't pretend like you've never been too drunk for common sense and understanding the passage of time!

# ? Apr 28, 2021 21:51

Lord Decimus Barnacle: Jun 25, 2005; Hell Gem

AHH F/UGH posted:

Truth: the cold cheese on top of the pizza is put there in lots of Midwest and Northeast state pizza places because when drunk college students come in on the weekend and get a slice after clubbing, they would burn the roof of their mouth on hot reheated pizza slices, so they put that cheese on top to prevent that.

I refuse to believe this explanation

# ? Apr 28, 2021 22:30

Jose Oquendo: Jun 20, 2004; Star Trek: The Motion Picture is a boring movie

I don�t think it�s true either. The simplest explanation is that it�s a dumb thing done by dumb Midwesterners or whatever you call people from Ohio.

# ? Apr 28, 2021 23:32

ultrafilter: Aug 23, 2007; It's okay if you have any questions.

Not like there's much else to do in Ohio.

# ? Apr 28, 2021 23:33

uber_stoat: Jan 21, 2001; Pillbug

https://twitter.com/dj_big_naturals/status/1387451279262113793?s=20

# ? Apr 28, 2021 23:58

Ragnarok the Red: Jun 21, 2002

https://twitter.com/70s_party/status/1387495653824253955

# ? Apr 29, 2021 00:03

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

70s Dinner Party seems like a top tier twitter account.

# ? Apr 29, 2021 00:04

uber_stoat: Jan 21, 2001; Pillbug

Pennywise the Frown posted:

70s Dinner Party seems like a top tier twitter account.

everything they post is anti food porn. the 70s were a profoundly hideous decade in most ways.

# ? Apr 29, 2021 00:07

AHH F/UGH: May 25, 2002

Pennywise the Frown posted:

How are you doing by the way? I always remember your stories about drinking too much and hope you're doing well and living healthy and exercising and also thanks again for the avatar!!!

Dear Watson posted:

I refuse to believe this explanation

Check the video I posted this page bro

# ? Apr 29, 2021 00:18

Pennywise the Frown: May 10, 2010; Upset Trowel

AHH F/UGH posted:

How are you doing by the way? I always remember your stories about drinking too much and hope you're doing well and living healthy and exercising and also thanks again for the avatar!!!

Not sure what you mean about the avatar. I didn't get it for you. But I would have! It's nice!

I'm not doing great. It's been a few days since I drank at least which is good and I'm actively working on it by attending 1-3 phone meetings a day with VA programs.

# ? Apr 29, 2021 02:41

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr: Dec 22, 2018; I hope this is "battle" enough for you, friend.

JonathonSpectre posted:

This is some seriously stupid bullshit. No one could possibly loving want to eat this compared to an actual, you know, cooked pizza. It reminds me of that vid with the child insisting an onion is an apple, even as they bite into it and it becomes clear it is not, the child doubles down and continues to pretend to enjoy it.

I feel like every single person who has ever eaten this uh pizza is like that child. Trapped in a lie that something awful is something good, and unable to back down from it because you started the loving thing in the first place. So you just loudly order up another slice, "Hey, Patty, I'll take mine... heh heh... al dente!" while your guts squirm in horror that you're doing it again.

Yes this is our "Ohio-valley-style" hamburger, we warm up the buns and put a fresh cold patty on there right away so the ambient heat can warm it up!

You're loving doing it wrong.

Sometimes I throw a slice of cheese on top of a cheese pizza slice for that extra cheese and also so that it does not burn the top of my mouth.

# ? Apr 29, 2021 02:49

Turrurrurrurrrrrrr: Dec 22, 2018; I hope this is "battle" enough for you, friend.

Pennywise the Frown posted:

If you burn the roof of your mouth numerous times while eating pizza, you're probably a fatty.

Oh yeah baby.

# ? Apr 29, 2021 02:51

Lord Decimus Barnacle: Jun 25, 2005; Hell Gem

AHH F/UGH posted:

Check the video I posted this page bro

I hate your video and I hate that pizza man and I hate the people who couldn�t wait 5 minutes for a pizza to cool down that led to the creation of cold
Cheese pizza abomination

# ? Apr 29, 2021 02:55

Fur20: Nov 14, 2007; すご▞い！
君は働か░い
フ▙▓ズなんだね！

uber_stoat posted:

https://twitter.com/dj_big_naturals/status/1387451279262113793?s=20

i no longer care for mario

# ? Apr 29, 2021 03:19

Harold Stassen: Jan 24, 2016

I told myself, "Mario, take it easy"...

# ? Apr 29, 2021 07:04

AHH F/UGH: May 25, 2002

Pennywise the Frown posted:

Not sure what you mean about the avatar. I didn't get it for you. But I would have! It's nice!

I'm not doing great. It's been a few days since I drank at least which is good and I'm actively working on it by attending 1-3 phone meetings a day with VA programs.

I SWEAR you bought the original ghost-less version of this avatar because I mentioned it in some avatar thread, anyhoo

Yeah man it's all good to just phone in to poo poo and get paid, that's what I do all day. Just gotta avoid the booze store, ya know? Like just don't drive there, don't buy anything. Easier said that done but yeah. I just started going back to the gym after like 6 months of eating pizza every single day and I'm already back in top form. You can do it to man, I believe in you and you are not forgotten!! Every time I see you post I wish you the best!!

# ? Apr 29, 2021 07:26

Fragrag: Aug 3, 2007; The Worst Admin Ever bashes You in the head with his banhammer. It is smashed into the body, an unrecognizable mass! You have been struck down.

meltdowns over unmelted cheese itt

# ? Apr 29, 2021 07:48