[UFOs] big mummy, big mummy, no whammies

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > C-SPAM > [UFOs] big mummy, big mummy, no whammies

(Thread IKs: sharknado slashfic)

PawParole: Nov 16, 2019

The Race are a proud species of reptilian aliens with tens of thousands of years of culture, bringing an invasion fleet to the primitive world of Tosev 3 (locally called Earth) to bring it into the Empire and the light of civilization. They expect a fairly easy conquest given the locals' lack of sophistication. Their probe mission, just eight hundred local years ago�certainly nowhere near enough time to advance technologically at all�found sword-swinging savages riding on animals. Then, to their discomfort, they discover that the planet is emitting radio transmissions.

Arriving late in the local year 1941, they find the primitive industrial civilization of the Tosevites confusing, implausible, and an affront to the Race's rigid doctrines. Worse, if the Tosevites have advanced that much, it throws the certainty of the conquest in doubt. However, Fleetlord Atvar decides he could go down in history as one of three leaders to conquer an alien world, or the first to turn tail and flee without even having tasted combat. They go ahead with the conquest exactly as planned.

# ? May 25, 2021 01:09

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 08:49

Mr. Sharps: Jul 30, 2006; The only true law is that which leads to freedom. There is no other.

Delta-Wye posted:

i didn't explain the 'after' part at all. my understanding of the gist is it was 'motionless' and our local group moved by it. when it passed by our sun it caught a gravity boost and took off. if i remember avi spoke about how supposedly the acceleration doesn't seem correct for pure gravity acceleration but idk all the details there.

things being relative, it doesn't really matter much whether we were moving or if the sun moved by it other that it feels like it gives no indication of where it may have originated from.

the acceleration was consistent with something like a comet, it getting a very very slight boost from gasses sublimating off its surface on the way out of the solar system. the weird thing about it was that they didnt see any sort of dust and water vapor coma like you�d expect with that sort of motion but it could have easily be caused by some other volatiles that aren�t easily visible rather than water ice

# ? May 25, 2021 01:12

Carl Von Awesomwitz: May 2, 2006; Sisko Lied, Romulans Died

PawParole posted:

The Race are a proud species of reptilian aliens with tens of thousands of years of culture, bringing an invasion fleet to the primitive world of Tosev 3 (locally called Earth) to bring it into the Empire and the light of civilization. They expect a fairly easy conquest given the locals' lack of sophistication. Their probe mission, just eight hundred local years ago�certainly nowhere near enough time to advance technologically at all�found sword-swinging savages riding on animals. Then, to their discomfort, they discover that the planet is emitting radio transmissions.

Arriving late in the local year 1941, they find the primitive industrial civilization of the Tosevites confusing, implausible, and an affront to the Race's rigid doctrines. Worse, if the Tosevites have advanced that much, it throws the certainty of the conquest in doubt. However, Fleetlord Atvar decides he could go down in history as one of three leaders to conquer an alien world, or the first to turn tail and flee without even having tasted combat. They go ahead with the conquest exactly as planned.

lol they get high on cinnamon and it causes massive problems for their invasion

# ? May 25, 2021 01:27

scary ghost dog: Aug 5, 2007

PawParole posted:

The Race are a proud species of reptilian aliens with tens of thousands of years of culture, bringing an invasion fleet to the primitive world of Tosev 3 (locally called Earth) to bring it into the Empire and the light of civilization. They expect a fairly easy conquest given the locals' lack of sophistication. Their probe mission, just eight hundred local years ago�certainly nowhere near enough time to advance technologically at all�found sword-swinging savages riding on animals. Then, to their discomfort, they discover that the planet is emitting radio transmissions.

Arriving late in the local year 1941, they find the primitive industrial civilization of the Tosevites confusing, implausible, and an affront to the Race's rigid doctrines. Worse, if the Tosevites have advanced that much, it throws the certainty of the conquest in doubt. However, Fleetlord Atvar decides he could go down in history as one of three leaders to conquer an alien world, or the first to turn tail and flee without even having tasted combat. They go ahead with the conquest exactly as planned.

vince slightly interested gif

# ? May 25, 2021 01:34

Zokari: Jul 23, 2007

Jetto Jagga posted:

Related, here's a quick piece about reactionary Science Fiction posturing as "cold and rational," written by classic New Wave author Cory Panshin:

idk what that website is but firefox really did not like me clicking that link

# ? May 25, 2021 01:37

Tighclops: Jan 23, 2008; Unable to deal with it; Grimey Drawer

Jetto Jagga posted:

Footfall's thing is that in order to make an alien invasion "realistic" instead of just having them throw asteroids at us, Niven and Pournelle make the aliens dumb as poo poo, like I mean in the text the aliens are literally total idiot morons so that way they actually land on Earth and try to fight us hand to hand.

IIRC they were a herd species that were baffled when humanity didn't immediately surrender after their initial attack and considered us insane after they dropped an asteroid into the indian ocean

the whole cool part that anybody remembers is humanity's last ditch effort to build a nuclear blast-powered warship that spewed bomb-pumped x ray lasers and carried battleship turrets and deployed the shuttle fleet as gunboats and the final assault on the alien mothership

# ? May 25, 2021 01:39

Grapplejack: Nov 27, 2007

I remember reading one where like, aliens show up but they figured out star travel super quickly and have been expanding and poo poo super slowly, trapped in a really slow medieval-era for centuries, while we never figured out what to do because we're dumb so we advanced insanely quickly in other ways

so they invade us with steampunk ships basically and we blow them the gently caress out of the sky with our tomahawks and stealth bombers and ICBMs

# ? May 25, 2021 01:42

Bilirubin: Feb 16, 2014; The sanctioned action is to CHUG

More in today's WaPo--a profile of one of the pilots: https://www.washingtonpost.com/loca...e6ff_story.html

quote:

She�s a fighter pilot who saw a UFO. For real.

By
Petula Dvorak
Columnist
May 24, 2021 at 11:27 a.m. MDT

Add to list
She picked up the kids after finishing her last call at work � there was some whining in the back seat � and raced to her home near Annapolis for family dinnertime. In between, she answered questions about the UFO.

�My life right now is very surreal,� said Lt. Cmdr. Alex Dietrich, who is a 41-year-old mother of three, a retired fighter pilot and one of the few people who gets regularly hauled into the Pentagon or before Congress for further questioning about the day in 2004 she saw a UFO � the Pentagon prefers to call them unidentified aerial phenomena � from the seat of her Super Hornet in the skies near San Diego.

Dietrich is pragmatic, forthright and has a swaggery, pilot�s sense of humor about this thing she�s been living with for nearly 17 years.

Thanks to a bizarro little line in last year�s coronavirus relief bill, the director of national intelligence and the secretary of defense are ordered to generate a report on everything the government knows about UAPs � including Dietrich�s sighting. It�s coming next month, and it�s going to be D.C.�s hottest summer read.

�Citizens have questions. It�s not classified. If I can share or help give a reasonable response, I will,� says the retired fighter pilot.

{another article: A government UFO report will be public soon � and it may be big}

And now that UFOs join the pandemic and insurrection on the congressional agenda (when it comes to the weird year contest, 2021 is telling 2020 to �hold my beer�), Dietrich�s callers have moved from mostly the fringe, stalkery UFO fanatics who just want to be near her, to mainstream media freaks like me. She patiently plays along.

�I do feel a duty and obligation,� Dietrich said, when I asked her why she took my call and why she agreed to talk to �60 Minutes,� her national media debut. �I was in a taxpayer-funded aircraft, doing my job as a military officer,� she said. �Citizens have questions. It�s not classified. If I can share or help give a reasonable response, I will. I don�t want to be someone who�s saying �no comment.� �

So, on to the events of Nov. 14, 2004.

She was a newly winged pilot on a regular training flight with the USS Nimitz Carrier Strike Group that day when something moving fast and erratically came into view.

Dietrich�s boss, Cmdr. Dave Fravor, told her to hang back and be his wingman while he flew closer in to check it out. The object began mirroring his movements and then just disappeared.

�Some days your boss asks to you swab the deck. Some days he asks you to keep high cover while he spars with a UFO,� Dietrich wrote in a tweet.

A video, just one of the recordings from that day, captures a white object shaped like a Tic Tac and the howls and exclamations of the pilots who were tracking its otherworldly motion. The video was released by To The Stars Academy of Arts & Science in 2017 but has gained a lot of traction after the Pentagon verified it as authentic. It will be included in that UAP report.

�I�ve never had a Twitter,� Dietrich said, but she created an account this month as a way to step out and connect with the thousands of people obsessed with the event � and her. (Her first tweet was a charming �Radio Check,� a pilot�s version of �Is this thing on?�)

�People have found me throughout the years,� she said. �I just was an eyewitness to something in the course of my normal duties . . . that somehow makes me a portal.�

They�ve tracked her down and called her. �I�ll give you 10 minutes on the phone, then I have to go feed my kids,� she�ll tell them and then patiently recounts the events of that day in 2004.

As soon as they returned to their aircraft carrier they reported everything they saw and how it happened.

�We all collectively lost our minds,� she said. �There was no denying it, everybody had heard us on the radio.�

Over beers, during the many reunions she�s had with her commander that day, they look at each other and shake their heads. �We agree that if we had been solo, we wouldn�t have said anything,� she said.

Naval aviator humor can be brutal. And in the days after the sighting, their colleagues were merciless. They looped alien-invader movies �Men in Black� and �Independence Day� to show on the ship�s channels. They left tinfoil hats all over the place. The daily newsletters had little green men cartoons.

They had to laugh it off, she said. Because it was so weird and because even back at the ship, they saw it, too, on their radar.

Dietrich said she�s decided to be open about it now because she knows other pilots have seen similar UAPs and have kept quiet about them, afraid of the stigma. Because let�s be honest � UFOs are still firmly in the realm of conspiracy and kooky.

{another article" How UFOs went from kooky sideshow to national security concern in Washington}

She�s been low-key about it all these years, answering questions on the Hill and at the Pentagon, listening patiently as debunkers found her private number and screamed at her over the phone.

She�s been teaching at George Washington University and the U.S. Naval Academy, not staring into the heavens, wondering who is out there or putting herself in the public eye � �not when I�m active duty, not when I�m teaching. I don�t want to be the faculty UFO freak.�

Plus she�s been a little busy dealing with the mess we have right here on Earth, flying more than 200 combat missions and 57 mounted combat patrols and ground assault convoy missions over two deployments in Iraq and Afghanistan.

The Navy sent her to language school, and she became the strategic architect for the civil-military stability operations team in Afghanistan�s Ghazni province.

She�s been working to promote three causes: her beloved magnet high school, Illinois Mathematics and Science Academy; the foundation to help diversify aviation founded by a former classmate, Legacy Flight Academy; and Wings for Val, the foundation to promote women in aviation dedicated to Valerie Delaney, a Navy pilot from Ellicott City, Md., who died in 2013 during a training mission in Washington state.

And Dietrich is also too busy with her three kids, now 2, 4 and 6, to focus much on UFOs.

One of them was the hit of that day�s pre-K show-and-tell. He brought in the �UFO Box� she keeps, the one with the red-and-white helmet she was wearing that day in 2004.

Another was commanding her from the back seat as we spoke: �Window open!� There was a chorus of squeals and shrieks from the back seat, the soundtrack of every working mom�s life.

�No, I didn�t have time to think about it too much,� she sighed. �But I will pay someone to abduct me right now.�

# ? May 25, 2021 01:47

Monowhatever: Mar 19, 2010

Mr. Sharps posted:

the acceleration was consistent with something like a comet, it getting a very very slight boost from gasses sublimating off its surface on the way out of the solar system. the weird thing about it was that they didnt see any sort of dust and water vapor coma like you�d expect with that sort of motion but it could have easily be caused by some other volatiles that aren�t easily visible rather than water ice

pbs space time looked back Oumuamua again in a video awhile back and link to another video for a deeper explanation for anyone that wants to go down the rabbit hole. https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3sq658Okvao&t=435s they think was a shard of a planet with a similar makeup to Pluto, the out gassing being done by nitrogen.

# ? May 25, 2021 01:48

The Saucer Hovers: May 16, 2005

i like my sci-fi with talkin dogs, robot butlers, and metal bending ants all in one story

# ? May 25, 2021 01:48

TeenageArchipelago: Jul 23, 2013

Grapplejack posted:

I remember reading one where like, aliens show up but they figured out star travel super quickly and have been expanding and poo poo super slowly, trapped in a really slow medieval-era for centuries, while we never figured out what to do because we're dumb so we advanced insanely quickly in other ways

so they invade us with steampunk ships basically and we blow them the gently caress out of the sky with our tomahawks and stealth bombers and ICBMs

https://eyeofmidas.com/scifi/Turtledove_RoadNotTaken.pdf

Harry Turtledove's The Road Not Taken

I actually sent the link to my brother after it got posted in CSpam a while back, so it was easy to find again

Though iirc it was apparently based on something Asimov wrote?

TeenageArchipelago has issued a correction as of 02:13 on May 25, 2021

# ? May 25, 2021 02:07

Think Less: Dec 29, 2016

TeenageArchipelago posted:

https://eyeofmidas.com/scifi/Turtledove_RoadNotTaken.pdf

Harry Turtledove's The Road Not Taken

I actually sent the link to my brother after it got posted in CSpam a while back, so it was easy to find again

Though iirc it was apparently based on something Asimov wrote?

I really liked this. Thank you

# ? May 25, 2021 02:56

Zisky: May 6, 2003; PM me and I will show you my tits

That story is pretty fun! And they land within a couple miles of my apartment :tinfoil:

# ? May 25, 2021 03:37

WEH: Feb 22, 2009

Think Less posted:

I really liked this. Thank you

Yep, same

# ? May 25, 2021 04:25

Dogthing: May 30, 2003; or is it.... just a dog??; Grimey Drawer

TeenageArchipelago posted:

https://eyeofmidas.com/scifi/Turtledove_RoadNotTaken.pdf

Harry Turtledove's The Road Not Taken

I actually sent the link to my brother after it got posted in CSpam a while back, so it was easy to find again

Though iirc it was apparently based on something Asimov wrote?

My best friend relayed this short story to me secondhand years ago before he passed away, and I've kinda searched for it ever since because it sounded really interesting. drat he was right.

# ? May 25, 2021 05:41

PawParole: Nov 16, 2019

Carl Von Awesomwitz posted:

lol they get high on cinnamon and it causes massive problems for their invasion

ginger

# ? May 25, 2021 05:48

Dick Ripple: May 19, 2021

Lex Friedman had a nice conversation with Avi Loeb about Oumuamuak other space related subjects, interesting and non tinfoily hat talk for anyone interested. I would also recommend his conversation with Cmdr Fravor and his encounter. What like about Lex Friedman as opposed to Joe Rogan (both of these guys also talked with him) is the conversation tends to stick to technical matters and not Rogan asking them if they want some DMT...

https://lexfridman.com/avi-loeb/

https://lexfridman.com/david-fravor/

# ? May 25, 2021 10:52

gh0stpinballa: Mar 5, 2019

https://pca.st/podcast/06956510-92a5-0136-7b92-27f978dac4db

Nice chill normie pod using oumuamuak as a window into the possibility of ET has some very informative interview and lovely production

# ? May 25, 2021 11:17

stringless: Dec 28, 2005; keyboard ⌨️ cowboy

TeenageArchipelago posted:

Harry Turtledove's The Road Not Taken

it's good. there's also Herbig-Haro which apparently was published first but is set after The Road Not Taken

# ? May 25, 2021 12:16

err: Apr 11, 2005; I carry my own weight no matter how heavy this shit gets...

coelomate posted:

* Several years ago, Senator Reid got money to "look into" UFOs more or less as a pet project for constituents and locals
* The money was spent to look into UFOs
* After looking into UFOs, these videos and images were found and are now going to be released

It's this. It still doesn't explain the videos though.

# ? May 25, 2021 12:47

gh0stpinballa: Mar 5, 2019

Hope they release the photograph taken from the cockpit of a plane iirc showing UAP hovering fifty yards away

# ? May 25, 2021 13:12

i am harry: Oct 14, 2003

gh0stpinballa posted:

Hope they release the photograph taken from the cockpit of a plane iirc showing UAP hovering fifty yards away

not this one?

# ? May 25, 2021 14:14

Thunder God Biden: Sep 8, 2004; Israel is not a legitimate entity, and no amount of pressure can force us to recognize its right to exist.

The Saucer Hovers posted:

i like my sci-fi with talkin dogs, robot butlers, and metal bending ants all in one story

My 5th grade teacher read this to us in class and I thought I made it up in my head for several decades.

# ? May 25, 2021 14:18

gh0stpinballa: Mar 5, 2019

i am harry posted:

not this one?

Maybe, but I was under the impression the pic I mentioned was HQ with the craft super close and fully visible

# ? May 25, 2021 14:28

Riot Bimbo: Dec 28, 2006

e: nvm i need to wake up before posting

# ? May 25, 2021 14:35

JAY ZERO SUM GAME: Oct 18, 2005; Walter.
I know you know how to do this.
Get up.

i am harry posted:

not this one?

that's a goddamn cacodemon

# ? May 25, 2021 14:57

err: Apr 11, 2005; I carry my own weight no matter how heavy this shit gets...

i am harry posted:

not this one?

plastic bag

# ? May 25, 2021 15:14

TeenageArchipelago: Jul 23, 2013

err posted:

plastic bag

Yeah, agreed. Also explains why they are able to move so fast, as anyone who has ever dropped a plastic bag would know

# ? May 25, 2021 15:17

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

JAY ZERO SUM GAME posted:

that's a goddamn cacodemon

no thats the head from the monster on the cover of Manual of the Planes u nerd

# ? May 25, 2021 15:20

Good Soldier Svejk: Jul 5, 2010

# ? May 25, 2021 15:26

I AM GRANDO: Aug 20, 2006

TeenageArchipelago posted:

Yeah, agreed. Also explains why they are able to move so fast, as anyone who has ever dropped a plastic bag would know

plastic bag where my cat put her head through the handles and is running around with it billowing behind her

# ? May 25, 2021 16:05

Mayor Dave: Feb 20, 2009; Bernie the Snow Clown

Carl Von Awesomwitz posted:

lol they get high on cinnamon and it causes massive problems for their invasion

Not only does it get them high it's their first ever chemical birth control

# ? May 25, 2021 16:09

Mayor Dave: Feb 20, 2009; Bernie the Snow Clown

Grapplejack posted:

I remember reading one where like, aliens show up but they figured out star travel super quickly and have been expanding and poo poo super slowly, trapped in a really slow medieval-era for centuries, while we never figured out what to do because we're dumb so we advanced insanely quickly in other ways

so they invade us with steampunk ships basically and we blow them the gently caress out of the sky with our tomahawks and stealth bombers and ICBMs

A short story called the road not taken

# ? May 25, 2021 16:10

The Saucer Hovers: May 16, 2005

heres my absolute best anecdotal evidence that the government/armed forces has access or information about this subject:

i have inlaws that are D.C. people, and after a few years of getting to know some of these types of people at thanksgiving/new years type parties Col. Jeffery B. Jones (just google him, dont worry cant doxx me off this, etc.) took a liking to me.

without my prompting but knowing my interests, he steers the tipsy bordering on drunk post-turkey fireplace discussion to weird stuff people have seen. some good stories, standard stuff, standout being a tale told by the 85 year old widow of a career naval intelligence man about lights over/in the ocean off the coast of maryland that caused her husband to "call it in" and his extremely pissy mood after he got off the phone

anyway after the wind down and most of the folks had filtered out of the room he elbows me on his way out i look up from my seat, and this poo poo eating grin, oh my god, just a look i had never seen on this mans face and he does the whole slow eye-widen till its comical capped off by a big wink. slaps me on my shoulder and /never/ touches on the topic ever again.

sure it was ambiguous, and given his background he might have just been goku level loving with me. but then in the moment and now with too many years of hindsight it really seemed like best wink wink nudge nudge im ever going to get

# ? May 25, 2021 20:13

Log082: Nov 8, 2008

The Saucer Hovers posted:

sure it was ambiguous, and given his background he might have just been goku level loving with me. but then in the moment and now with too many years of hindsight it really seemed like best wink wink nudge nudge im ever going to get

You fucker, you got a literal wink wink nudge nudge.

I've been trying to figure who to talk to get a job with the people researching these things, as a like 3/4 idle speculation 1/4 serious thing. I have a scientific background extremely relevant to analyzing captured "alien metamaterials" or whatever the gently caress.

hire me you cowards. yes you mr. nsa agent assigned to CSPAM. tell your MIB friends.

# ? May 25, 2021 20:30

Justin Tyme: Feb 22, 2011

Log082 posted:

You fucker, you got a literal wink wink nudge nudge.

I've been trying to figure who to talk to get a job with the people researching these things, as a like 3/4 idle speculation 1/4 serious thing. I have a scientific background extremely relevant to analyzing captured "alien metamaterials" or whatever the gently caress.

hire me you cowards. yes you mr. nsa agent assigned to CSPAM. tell your MIB friends.

If such a thing exists, it's probably like five stages deep of internal hiring, nothing public-facing.

# ? May 25, 2021 20:41

Good Soldier Svejk: Jul 5, 2010

Normalizing UFO talk in a world of handheld night filming cameras seems like it would be a strategic mistake if continued coverup was the plan

That's my thought for the day

# ? May 25, 2021 20:43

I AM GRANDO: Aug 20, 2006

Good Soldier Svejk posted:

Normalizing UFO talk in a world of handheld night filming cameras seems like it would be a strategic mistake if continued coverup was the plan

That's my thought for the day

Basically seems like they're encouraging crowdsourced drone videos after 80 years of telling people not to be concerned about weird flying technology now that there is cheap-as-hell weird flying technology that anybody can use.

# ? May 25, 2021 20:47

Log082: Nov 8, 2008

Justin Tyme posted:

If such a thing exists, it's probably like five stages deep of internal hiring, nothing public-facing.

This is my conclusion too, yeah, unfortunately.

If I could figure out who to talk to I'd still call them up and try it anyway. I need to figure out if there's a reporting number for whatever the latest version of bluebook is...

# ? May 25, 2021 20:48

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 08:49

JAY ZERO SUM GAME: Oct 18, 2005; Walter.
I know you know how to do this.
Get up.

get a job with Lockheed, have a clean record, and have an EE or physics grad degree

I have a great uncle who worked on radar systems in the loving 70s and 80s and he still can�t talk about what he did for 20 years of his life, living between DC and Vegas

# ? May 25, 2021 20:52

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