Register a SA Forums Account here!
JOINING THE SA FORUMS WILL REMOVE THIS BIG AD, THE ANNOYING UNDERLINED ADS, AND STUPID INTERSTITIAL ADS!!!

You can: log in, read the tech support FAQ, or request your lost password. This dumb message (and those ads) will appear on every screen until you register! Get rid of this crap by registering your own SA Forums Account and joining roughly 150,000 Goons, for the one-time price of $9.95! We charge money because it costs us money per month for bills, and since we don't believe in showing ads to our users, we try to make the money back through forum registrations.
 
  • Post
  • Reply
Knuckle Sammich
May 4, 2009
Dwight is disappointed to learn that Jim's invitation to come over that evening to "spit roast" Pam is merely an invitation to a threesome rather than cannibalism.

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

happyhippy
Feb 21, 2005

Playing games, watching movies, owning goons. 'sup
Pillbug
Jim shits into Dwight's mouth.
Right into it.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Anime Deviant
Jim self-publishes a magazine touting Scranton's SEXIEST Paper-Men.

Dwight is absent from it.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Anime Deviant
Jim becomes a wiki supermod and overrides all of Dwight's submissions re:beets and karate.

He also convinces Dwight that Dwight is part of a very narrow generational subset that predisposed him to have awesome karate and paper skills.

SilvergunSuperman
Aug 7, 2010

Man some of these could actually be plots in the office

SEASON 9!

Knuckle Sammich
May 4, 2009
While reaching in his desk for a pen Dwight notices that the drawer is lined with box cutter blades welded to the lip. Jim runs in from behind at a full sprint and kicks the drawer shut severing 2 of Dwight's fingers and degloving the other 2 when his yanks his hand back in shock.
Jim mugs at the camera with flecks of blood on his face.

Gatto Grigio
Feb 9, 2020

Jim wears a mask on the back of his head to make Dwight think he is always watching him.

FilthyImp
Sep 30, 2002

Anime Deviant
Jim hires Sexy Strippers to replace the entirety of the office staff. Dwight wonders why his coworkers are suddenly into fitness.

Sexy Jim greases the Office Strip-pole and Dwight falls off of it.

Sexy Jim tweaks his nippers smugly while looking at the camera.

Knuckle Sammich
May 4, 2009
Jim promises Dwight he'll make sweet love to him but it's only unenthusiastic jackhammering.

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Jim just stays crouching at the corner of the office until Dwight gets bored of waiting and starts to walk toward him. Jim suddenly leaps through the air, bicycle kicking toward him the whole way

Gatto Grigio
Feb 9, 2020

Knuckle Sammich posted:

Jim promises Dwight he'll make sweet love to him but it's only unenthusiastic jackhammering.

Jim promises to make up for it by giving Dwight a “gorilla mask.”

As Dwight sleeps, Jim shaves off Dwight’s pubes and glues them to his face.

CPColin
Sep 9, 2003

Big ol' smile.

SilvergunSuperman posted:

Man some of these could actually be plots in the office

SEASON 9!

Jim convinces Dwight that he can "Spin Off" from Dunder-Mifflin and become a full-time farmer. Jim tries to extend the prank by convincing tier-two coworkers to visit Dwight's new farm in the hackiest way possible. It doesn't work out, but everybody wastes a week on it anyway.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim wears a baseball mascot costume to work and capers around distractingly while Dwight is trying to work. Dwight tries to call for Michael but his loud objections are drowned out by Jim's airhorn every time. Dwight tries to confront Jim physically but Jim cites a city ordnance that makes it illegal to assault or hinder Scranton's baseball mascot in the performance of his duties.

Knuckle Sammich
May 4, 2009
Dwight opens his front door one morning and standing there is Jim wearing a tinfoil covered cardboard box robot costume with 'Beet-Bot 3000' written on the front in crayon.
Dwight sets Beet-Bot 3000 to work on his crops but Jim knows nothing about farming and ruins everything, then burns down Dwight's house for good measure.

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
-Dwight grows mutton chops over his vacation and taunts Jim's lack of facial hair. Jim shows up to work the next day with actual chops of mutton glued to his face. When Dwight mocks him, Jim asks "can your mutton chops do this?" and chows down on the delicious chops. Dwight is forced to admit Jim got the better of him.

-Dwight claims he's "never taken a sick day." Jim injects Dwight with live Ebola virus.

-It's office Karaoke night. None of the songs Dwight wants to sing are in the Karaoke machine. He goes to his desk to retrieve some of his CDs, but his entire CD collection is missing. When he tries to plug his ipod into the speakers, he discovers his playlist has been wiped. In a fury, Dwight drives to the music store to buy the songs he wants, only to discover that the albums he wants and ONLY the albums he wants were all purchased by "some smirking dude with shaggy hair."

Jim mugs the camera.

John Wick of Dogs
Mar 4, 2017

A real hellraiser


Jim convinces Pam to seduce Dwight, and hides in a closet with a camcorder to record it. He puts the tape on Angela's desk and she divorces Dwight

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Jim eats a really stinky cheese sandwich at his desk, much to Dwight’s consternation

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim learns that Dwight has trypophobia, so he spends all weekend hiking until his feet are a mass of sores. When Dwight is in the middle of eating lunch, Jim takes off his shoes and socks and shows the pustule-ridden soles of his bare feet to Dwight, prompting Dwight to vomit spectacularly. Several other people who do not have trypophobia also vomit.

Knuckle Sammich
May 4, 2009
Dwight sees through Jim's attempt to get him with the "hurtsdonnit" joke and brushes him off. After work in the parking lot Jim runs Dwight over in a rental car with a donut taped to the front.

Gatto Grigio
Feb 9, 2020

Jim takes out a pair of underwear filled with chocolate pudding and eats it in front of Dwight.

Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


Jim loudly asks Dwight "yes or no does your mom know you're gay"

Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


Jim says to Dwight "do you want to hear a joke?" Dwight replies back "ok." Jim says "ok then Dwight say knock knock."

"Knock knock" says a slightly confused Dwight.

"Who's there?" replies Jim as he mugs the camera as Dwight is confused

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Dignity Van Houten posted:

Jim loudly asks Dwight "yes or no does your mom know you're gay"

The rest of the office thinks that Jim’s joke is a little insensitive, coming the day after after Dwight’s mom died in a car accident.

Dignity Van Houten
Jul 28, 2006

abcdefghijk
ELLAMENNO-P


Jim stands behind Dwight to the right and taps his left shoulder. Dwight looks left as Jim appears on his right, surprising Dwight

Inexplicable Humblebrag
Sep 20, 2003

jim involves himself in dwight's entrails

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Jim puts the “ok” symbol below Dwight’s waist. When Dwight sees it Jim gets to punch his arm. Dwight reciprocates later that day, readu to give Jim a good smack. But Jim was ready and snaps a picture with his phone, and uploads the picture of Dwight making the circle sign to the FBI tip line, claiming he thinks he works with a proud boy who stormed the capitol

Seth Pecksniff
May 27, 2004

can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.
Jim invents a ray that turns Dwight into a primal ancestor of humans. He gives Dwight to Michael as a gift for his many years of service to Dunder Mifflin.

runnypoops
Mar 26, 2016

been there. done that. prove yourself to me.
Jim fucks Dwight but cums before Dwight reachs orgasm

Knuckle Sammich
May 4, 2009
Dwight invites the office to a freestyle open mike at a local bar to see him perform his brand of rap he calls Beetboxing. The office of course all show up and get seats at the stage to watch this train wreck.

Dwight steps on stage in graffiti stamped coveralls and points at Moses behind the deck to "spin him a beet". Jim looks at the camera with a gleeful smirk.

Dwight raps

"Yo, I'm DJ Schrute and I'm here to say
I grow beets in a Scranton way
A Trans Am is my ride
With Moses by my side
Gonna make Angela be my bride

Ima hippin and hoppin
Bippin and boppin
Pullin beets to make a croppin

Jim get off my dick
Pullin pranks like a prick
The taste of your shaft
Makes Pam sick"

Dwight then hurls the microphone full force at Jim's head and leaps onto him to repeatedly club his face with a beer bottle.

Micheal tries to step in but Dwight yells "TIME TO DROP THE MIKE" and glasses him in the temple.

For a very sub-par rap the crowd enjoys the show.

space uncle
Sep 17, 2006

"I don’t care if Biden beats Trump. I’m not offloading responsibility. If enough people feel similar to me, such as the large population of Muslim people in Dearborn, Michigan. Then he won’t"


Jim tells Dwight that he’s transitioning and to please use they/them pronouns.

Dwight agrees and meticulously and respectfully addresses Jim as such. Michael tries to make it into a big joke and constantly talks about how manly Jim is and misgenders them.

Jim is uneasy but continues on their path, asking to be called “Jimthia” and she/her after a year of transition. Michael breaks out a lot of very dated comedy material and cross dresses in an attempt to get laughs at Jimthia’s situation. Phyllis and Oscar report him to Toby, and HR formally reprimands Michael for insensitivity.

Starting as an attempt to be a better ally to Jimthia, Dwight begins to get involved in left wing politics. He is disgusted by Michael’s actions to his friend and no longer sucks up to the boss.

Michael goes full on “cancel culture woke mob” after his reprimand and the office environment is incredibly hostile. A massive economic downturn occurs and he demands ever increasing amounts of hours and sales from the increasingly angry staff.

When The Revolution happens, Jimthia and Dwight nod to each other as they ziptie Michael’s hands behind his back. They March outside to a huge throng of comrades and present their Manager, a worthless bourgeois parasite to the People’s Tribunal. The verdict - death by beheading.

The guillotine is encased in gelatin. Jimthia mugs the camera.

TheIncredulousHulk
Sep 3, 2012

Jim seduces both Dunder and Mifflin and convinces them to indefinitely suspend Dwight without pay as a condition of his sexual favors

goethe.cx
Apr 23, 2014


jim ruins dwight's orgasm

Knuckle Sammich
May 4, 2009

happyhippy posted:

Jim shits into Dwight's mouth.
Right into it.

Dwight gets back at Jim by peeing in his mouth. But the joke is on Dwight as he puts a baby in Jim's tummy and now must pay child support.

Khanstant
Apr 5, 2007
Jim is crying so hard all day and everyone thinks it's a huge prank on Dwight and Jim does not receive the emotional support he needed that day and was careful to never be so vulnerable at work again and to "hang it up at the door."

poisonpill
Nov 8, 2009

The only way to get huge fast is to insult a passing witch and hope she curses you with Beast-strength.


Jim glances out the window and jumps with exaggerated fright. "Wolf! There's a wolf outside! Quick, everybody!" Dwight leads the charge as the entire office gang rushes outside to chase off the predator, but they find nothing. Returning glumly upstairs, they see Jim laughing hysterically as he rolls on his back, clutching his belly. "It was a prank! There was no wolf!" he explains with undisguised mirth.

The next day, in the middle of a boring meeting in the conference room, Jim does it again. "Wolf! I swear that this time there really is a wolf outside! Quick, everybody, outside!" and sure enough, Dwight again leads the charge to find the non-existent wolf. Returning to the conference room, they find Jim crying with laughter about how he tricked them a second time.

The third day, as Jim is walking toward the office, he hears a strange noise. The bushes next to the parking lot begin to rustle. Jim cries for help, but nobody comes. Ryan jumps out and beats Jim mercilessly with an aluminum baseball bat. "You just WUPHF'd yourself," he spits at Jim's unconscious body.

pogue23
Aug 15, 2002

Son, I am disappoint.
Jim legally adopts Mose. He is now Moses Halpert.

TheIncredulousHulk
Sep 3, 2012

Jim challenges Dwight to a footrace to prove who is the fastest in Scranton, expecting to win easily. Indeed it looks like he will, as he easily outruns Dwight. He's so far ahead, in fact, that he stops to take a nap. Dwight refuses to give up, however, running slowly but with great determination. He even takes the lead as he passes a sleeping Jim, who continues to snore like a chainsaw

Dwight is nearly at the finish when he hears footsteps. He refuses to turn back and look with victory in sight, but it doesn't matter. Jim passes by him running backwards, energized from his midrace nap, smirking and shrugging as he passes Dwight. Dwight attempts to summon a final burst of speed to catch Jim, but his weak legs fail and he falls face down in the dirt and even cuts his nipple on a rock

Everyone in the office cheers for speedy Jim and they carry him out on their shoulders. Dwight mournfully crawls back to his car in tears without ever crossing the finish line, leaving second place permanently vacant

Who What Now
Sep 10, 2006

by Azathoth
Jim brings an Amish man named Mose to meet Dwight because, quote, "He has, like, the same name as your dog." Jim mugs for the camera as Dwight has a psychotic break trying to reconcile he thinks are memories with the memories seeing this man has brought to the surface.

vaginite
Feb 8, 2006

I'm comin' for you, colonel.



Jim convinces Dwight to try posting some of his jokes in fyad

Adbot
ADBOT LOVES YOU

Applewhite
Aug 16, 2014

by vyelkin
Nap Ghost
Jim adds a nickel to Dwight's phone handset every few days, gradually increasing the weight so that Dwight doesn't notice. He keeps doing this until Dwight's phone weighs 6000lbs. Then the next day he removes all the weight. When Dwight next answers his phone he punches his own head off.

  • 1
  • 2
  • 3
  • 4
  • 5
  • Post
  • Reply