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Colonel Cancer posted:Lmao it's a British weaboo. Teaboo
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Jun 1, 2021 21:04
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HamHawk posted:Teaboo
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Jun 1, 2021 21:21
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My Korean lovers did smell of garlic. I mean I assumed it was that, they both had a definitely different cuisine that I think was authentically Korean. It was sharp but not like offensive, it added to their alluring novelty.
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Jun 1, 2021 21:35
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HamHawk posted:Teaboo content: I had a not-very-good first date with a lady. The pictures on her dating profile were pretty old, she talked nonstop, and started disclosing odd things like her friend taking her to a psych hospital "just to get things checked out". At one point, she asked me if I knew what a suspension was. She explained that it is when somebody is suspended in the air by a series of hooks run through their flesh. She said that she had tried it because she was having sex with someone who knew a well-respected suspensionist. She showed me photos, which, as you might expect, depicted her hanging in the air from several large meathooks run through her back. It was reasonably bloody, but not as bad as I had expected.
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Jun 1, 2021 21:35
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I love the happy ending tone.
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Jun 1, 2021 22:15
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Best Bi Geek Squid posted:content: Once upon a time I was a bouncer for the local goth/fetish scene and I have seen three people pass out on stage doing this. Added necro context: Was having what I thought was a casual affair with a young lady who suddenly demanded I abandon custody of my disabled child to my recently re-surfaced ex in a fiery tirade of ableist slurs. Called things off with her only to have her attempt to "just kidding" me for months afterward until she got engaged to the guy she had apparently been dating the entire time we were doing whatever it was we were doing. Our mutual friends have gone out of their way to remind me that I am the bad guy in this story.
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Jun 6, 2021 04:45
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Oh, did I post about my friend's ex? He lived in the next town over. One time he was visiting her, and she'd been out. She came home to her apartment reeking, her cats freaking out, and her boyfriend standing over several pots of urine bubbling on her stove. See, he was into chaos magic. He explained that some woman had looked at him funny on the bus, and he concluded that she was a witch who had put a curse on him, and further that he was now engaged in magical combat with her. And the best way he could think of to do that was to use his own urine as a spell component. A bit later she went to pee in her toilet, and saw some kind of capsule floating in the bowl. She confronted her boyfriend, who explained that it was a key part of his psychic warfare, and that he really needed her to pee on it. She used nearby restaurant bathrooms for the three days it took her to get him the gently caress out of her apartment and dump his rear end.
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Jun 6, 2021 09:07
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More like a whizzard
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Jun 6, 2021 09:15
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Do NOT date piss wizards
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Jun 6, 2021 09:50
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Lead out in cuffs posted:Oh, did I post about my friend's ex? Wow, WandaVision really mislead the public about the nature of Chaos magic.
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Jun 6, 2021 10:04
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I'm conjurin' stinking cloud ova here
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Jun 6, 2021 12:44
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Fleta Mcgurn posted:Wow, WandaVision really mislead the public about the nature of Chaos magic. It was Piss-atha all along!
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Jun 6, 2021 14:10
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A person who was interested in me that did not end in dating wanted me to "be his Aeris" (when I'm obviously more a Tifa) and for me to call him Cloud. No it wasn't FF7 hours house related, he was just a confused young man in a community where finding people with similar interests was harder than it is now. I think he is actually doing ok now, from last I heard, but it was really cringey. I feel a bit bad for making fun of Advent Children so hard when he showed me, bc it meant a lot to him, but I had no context for it, as I never played the game. (Computer game person, not console.) He'd likely freak out that I'm a dude now, lol.
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Jun 7, 2021 18:08
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DicktheCat posted:A person who was interested in me that did not end in dating wanted me to "be his Aeris" (when I'm obviously more a Tifa) and for me to call him Cloud. Let me guess, he was about 14 in 1997?
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Jun 8, 2021 01:37
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DicktheCat posted:A person who was interested in me that did not end in dating wanted me to "be his Aeris" (when I'm obviously more a Tifa) and for me to call him Cloud. Lol he wanted to run you through from behind.
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Jun 8, 2021 04:41
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Obsidianheart posted:Lol he wanted to run you through from behind. 
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Jun 8, 2021 04:47
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One of my exes became one of those e-stalkers who follow you everywhere you go on the Internet to post inflammatory and likely libelous statements about you under a variety of real and fake accounts. Fortunately for me, the target of this harassment was seemingly most other people she dated/married; never me. She has always been friendly to me. I guess my anti-drama aura (also known as "being incredibly boring") kept me from having to deal with dozens of comments anywhere I went about embezzling, gay affairs, mind control, and organized crime ties. Not sure if this is purely weird or just amusing, but my first girlfriend kept it a secret from me and only me that she had a child with one of the first dudes she hooked up with after we broke up. I found out 12 years later. Now, she did give the child up for adoption, but she also had a relationship with said child by about age 5 seemingly, and the child was the flowerchild at her wedding (which was how I finally found out, when I was like "hey, where did you find this kid?"). She said she thought about telling me after a couple of years, but it already seemed ridiculous to bring it up by then (which, well, is kind of true). Plus I had told her that guy seemed like a piece of poo poo and she did not want to admit I was right when he immediately disappeared after she got pregnant  Another ex- once asked me to get her a two cheeseburger value meal from McDonald's. I got her a double cheeseburger value meal because I honestly thought that was what "double cheeseburger" meant at the time(!). She had an immediate crying meltdown upon seeing what I had done, and when I said I was happy to replace it with the right one because, you know, I waste $4 on surely at least a daily basis and why the hell does it matter, well, you can imagine that just led to her getting even angrier. I told this story at one of her family gatherings, because I thought it was so weirdly out-of-character. I should have known from their light but concerned chuckles and the fact that she was O.K. with me telling the story in the first place that this was only the tip of the iceberg.
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Jun 8, 2021 07:10
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Tomn posted:Bit of a necro, but I figured the story was worth sharing. I dated a girl once whose ex was a real interesting piece of work. See, he fetishized the ideal of the "British gentleman." What did being a British gentleman mean? It meant communicating your desires entirely through raised eyebrows, significant glances, a subtle lifting of the fingers, and perhaps one word, or two if you were feeling racy. Whenever she failed to correctly interpret that two fingers raised from the table and the left eyebrow angled ever so slightly or whatever meant that he wanted a glass of water, he'd sigh and condescendingly explain that it was all quite simple really, that he and all his friends could communicate perfectly well through this language of facial tics, and that she was a weirdo for not being able to follow along and really must strive harder if she wanted to be normal (which she desperately did), and by the way how about that glass of water? He apparently spent a very great deal of time lecturing her on the proper way to behave in order to live with a British gentleman. His favorite movie, unsurprisingly, were the Kingsman movies which he considered to be the platonic ideal of what being a British gentleman meant. My friend dated a dude like this, although he was Filipino I have no problem with being fancy but he'd dress up and do the winetasting routine on $5 plonk at our local dive, and expected our friend to adhere to his ideal of some mild-mannered Hepburn type when she clearly was not She finally dumped him after he took his mother's side over her for the hundredth time. He threatened to kill himself and I suspect he was closeted, in summary I hope he got help.
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Jun 8, 2021 07:54
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This is off-topic but you really gotta watch some Hepburn movies
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Jun 8, 2021 08:28
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i like nice words
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Durf posted:mild-mannered Hepburn type What Anne Whateley posted:This is off-topic but you really gotta watch some Hepburn movies
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Jun 8, 2021 15:37
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Rat Patrol posted:What I assume some goofball that wants a My Fair Lady archetype.
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Jun 9, 2021 05:13
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Eliza Doolittle, famously dainty, quiet, and obedient
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Jun 9, 2021 06:39
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Anne Whateley posted:Eliza Doolittle, famously dainty, quiet, and obedient MOVE YER BLOOMIN' ARSE!!!!!
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Jun 9, 2021 08:21
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Anne Whateley posted:Eliza Doolittle, famously dainty, quiet, and obedient Right? I think these dudes have watched like the wrong parts of the movie.
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Jun 9, 2021 10:47
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Most of the weird things that have happened to me in relationships I probably should have seen coming and avoided, otoh, when I see something absolutely tremendously boneheaded and dumb my first assumption is that its an aberration and not a way of life. So u liv and u learn Weird thing, randomly chosen: Somebody got real mad at me bc i refused to kennel their dog in my home like 4 days after starting dating them. The drama that 'required' kenneling was very obviously not grounded in science nor reality and so I didn't even entertain the notion- not that i would have anyway. I knew at that very moment that if I didn't just sever I was probably gonna experience other versions of that poo poo and sure enough I did. it didnt take me much longer after that to say adios But yea, if you have three dogs and somehow somebody you just started dating is the """only person""" that can save the situation bc you need an emergency kennel, i'm either leaving you for being poor, or stupid. Altho in this case it was just for being a liar
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Jun 9, 2021 11:18
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Depends tho, are they nice dogs?
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Jun 9, 2021 12:39
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Always request most current tax returns when you engage in a romantic relationship
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Jun 9, 2021 12:42
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My ex kept a room in the apartment I just assumed was his gaming room or whatever. He also drank a lot. Turns out, instead of taking out the recycling, he would just put his infinite beer/whiskey/?? cans into garbage bags and stack them in his gaming room. I went in there once and there was no furniture except a table, a computer, a chair, and literally the rest of the room was unrecycled beer cans I asked why he didn't recycle the cans and he said he was "saving them"
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Jun 9, 2021 12:56
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Ghost Leviathan posted:Depends tho, are they nice dogs? Yeah they were p solid, one in particular was very nice. I would have been more inclined to at least consider it if it was not against da rulez here. I've just been through too much to consider jeopardizing where I live 🤷♀️
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Jun 9, 2021 13:06
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I went on 3 dates with a girl and after the 2nd date she sent me a photo of her desk COVERED in various vibrators and dildos along with a winky face. After the 3rd date I realized we had nothing in common at all, but that dildo desk will always stick with me as a really bizarre moment of somebody putting it all out there.
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Jun 9, 2021 15:09
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Speaking of crazy stalker exes it's always weird seeing that from the other side. Had a friend, really a friend of a friend, who loved to tell stories about all her horrible exes. She dated some real duds for sure, but she'd often pepper in little details about what they're up to now, how she was proven right because 5 years later he did the same thing to another lady, how she had the last laugh because the ex who called her a gold digger is getting a divorce from a woman half his age who clearly WAS a gold digger and so on. Eventually someone asked how she knew so much about all her exes and she happily admitted to cyber-stalking all her exes to keep track of their lives and feel good when bad things happen to them. She also admitted to creating all sorts of alts and sock puppets to harass many of them and generally cause trouble in their relationships, sometimes going so far as to call their work and leave bad google reviews on their businesses. She thought this was a real normal and funny thing to do to people she broke up with upwards of 10 years ago.
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Jun 10, 2021 19:13
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Lieutenant Dan posted:My ex kept a room in the apartment I just assumed was his gaming room or whatever. He also drank a lot. Turns out, instead of taking out the recycling, he would just put his infinite beer/whiskey/?? cans into garbage bags and stack them in his gaming room. I went in there once and there was no furniture except a table, a computer, a chair, and literally the rest of the room was unrecycled beer cans Saving them to donate to the can house https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ppelxJNY4LQ
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Jun 10, 2021 19:16
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An old friend of mine is in a hellishly toxic relationship with a women who when he tried to break up with her because of all the emotional abuse and threats, locked herself in a bathroom and threatened to hurt herself and tell the cops he did it because, in her words, "You're a black man and I'm a white women, the cops will never believe you". Anyway they're back together now. Cut to last year post George Floyd and guess who was posting constantly about how much she supported BLM?
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Jun 10, 2021 19:33
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Lead out in cuffs posted:Oh, did I post about my friend's ex? This is a cool story but now I want a follow up on if the boiling piss protection spell worked.
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Jun 10, 2021 19:40
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i matched with a lady who was traveling through various states. we hung out three times - I showed her around the city, we had sex, etc. It kinda seemed like she was getting a little attached, so I made sure we were on the same page about this being a casual thing until she moved to her next destination. She agreed that that was her intention as well then she told me that she had applied for a job in my city. Then she told me that she was setting up a time to look at renting a condo in my city. At this point, we had hung out three times. I agree to see her again to let her down easy. She shows up trashed (after having driven about an hour from another city) and I don't want to have sex with her. I tell her that we should just be friends because I don't want to hurt her cue her threatening to hurt herself and generally berating me over text for a while. I asked if she was serious about hurting herself, and she responded by yelling at me some more - how could I think that she would even be interested in someone like me??? she kinda apologized the next day. She has moved on to other states and still sends me the occasional Instagram meme
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Jun 10, 2021 20:29
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old beast lunatic posted:This is a cool story but now I want a follow up on if the boiling piss protection spell worked. Clearly it was very effective at removing him from the sphere of influence of the "witch".
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Jun 12, 2021 06:52
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Mr Luxury Yacht posted:An old friend of mine is in a hellishly toxic relationship with a women who when he tried to break up with her because of all the emotional abuse and threats, locked herself in a bathroom and threatened to hurt herself and tell the cops he did it because, in her words, "You're a black man and I'm a white women, the cops will never believe you". Please ensure your friend has a copy of the movie Get Out. And seriously, be there for him. That’s less quirky weirdo dating and genuine no poo poo abuse
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Jun 12, 2021 07:27
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Necro-ing this thread because I love both this one and the old one, which I posted on a couple times: https://forums.somethingawful.com/showthread.php?threadid=3871717&userid=217154#post490587884 Updating cuz I found out recently that my ex now has a baby daughter 
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Aug 27, 2021 15:25
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I made scrambled eggs with my ex. A piece of shell fell in and they carried on as though nothing was wrong instead of fishing it out like a normal person. Apparently the sudden crunch never bothered them, they said they liked it??
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Aug 27, 2021 21:46
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Thought the thread title said weiner poo poo
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Aug 27, 2021 22:09
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