Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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e X: Feb 23, 2013; cool but crude

He�s kind of reacting the same way the Animorph�s did with David, I.e. always assume they at watching.

# ? Jun 25, 2021 17:27

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# ? May 25, 2024 00:53

WrightOfWay: Jul 24, 2010

Having Visser 3 morph a random woman for several days on the distant gamble that this kid is an Animorph seems like a poor use of resources when they could just use a normal Controller but who am I to question Visser 3? I do pity whatever Yeerk had to coach Visser 3 how to properly act like a human woman in private.

# ? Jun 25, 2021 20:30

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

WrightOfWay posted:

Having Visser 3 morph a random woman for several days on the distant gamble that this kid is an Animorph seems like a poor use of resources when they could just use a normal Controller but who am I to question Visser 3? I do pity whatever Yeerk had to coach Visser 3 how to properly act like a human woman in private.

All shall be revealed. It makes sense, trust me.

# ? Jun 25, 2021 20:44

Agaragon: Nov 16, 2018

WrightOfWay posted:

Having Visser 3 morph a random woman for several days on the distant gamble that this kid is an Animorph seems like a poor use of resources when they could just use a normal Controller but who am I to question Visser 3? I do pity whatever Yeerk had to coach Visser 3 how to properly act like a human woman in private.

Assuming it was just one. It's Visser 3, there were probably around 12 that all got murdered at some point.

# ? Jun 25, 2021 20:58

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

I'm in the zone of books where I definitely don't remember what happens, and I was not expecting that to be Visser THREE this entire time. Kudos on him for... using his abilities for something other than getting BIG and scary for once?

# ? Jun 25, 2021 22:09

Bobulus: Jan 28, 2007

Chronologically, this is right on the heels of his pretending to be the president's chief of staff or whatever, so he's had a busy week of learning to act human.

# ? Jun 25, 2021 22:25

Pwnstar: Dec 9, 2007; Who wants some waffles?

Theres not a super limited amount of Yeerks so they could have just grabbed Tobias and crammed one in his ear as soon as he went into the lawyers office with like one or two buff guys instead of this whole scheme. They've got Yeerks controlling other random losers.

# ? Jun 26, 2021 00:15

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

Pwnstar posted:

Theres not a super limited amount of Yeerks so they could have just grabbed Tobias and crammed one in his ear as soon as he went into the lawyers office with like one or two buff guys instead of this whole scheme. They've got Yeerks controlling other random losers.

That isn't the point. The point is Visser 3 owning someone in person.

# ? Jun 26, 2021 00:31

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 29

quote:

�Dear Tobias,� the lawyer read.

He hesitated, pulled a pair of glasses from his desk, and put them on. Then started again.

�Dear Tobias. I am your father. You never knew me. And I never knew you. I do not know what your life has been over these many years. I hope that your mother found someone else to love. I know that all memory of me has been erased from her mind. All evidence of my time on Earth has been erased.�

I could feel Aria staring at me. I could feel her predatory alertness. She was watching my eyes. I did not look at her. She was watching for the twitch that did not come, for the grimace, for the worry, for some emotion that would give me away.

I gave her/him nothing.

�I am being given this opportunity to communicate with you by the very creature who has erased my life on Earth. He has called me back to my duty, and I cannot fail.

�This will all seem very strange to you, my unknown, unseen, unmet son. But I am not one of your people. I have taken on the form of a human, but I am not human.�

My lungs wanted to stop breathing. My heart wanted to stop beating. I felt like suddenly everyone, everything was very close in, like Aria/Visser Three was breathing on my cheek, and the lawyer was leaning clear over his desk to whisper his words right in my ear.

Not human!

A reaction! I needed a reaction!

I rolled my eyes and said, �Oh, man,� in as sarcastic a tone as I could manage.

The lawyer glanced at Visser Three, then went on.

�I was in a terrible war. I did terrible things. I had to, I suppose. But I grew tired of war, so I ran away. I went and hid among the people of Earth. Among humans. While on Earth, and living as a human, I took the name Alan Fangor.�

The lawyer was quoting from memory now, no longer reading. His eyes were narrowed to slits as he watched me.

�I took the name Alan Fangor. But my true name is Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul.�

Time stopped.

I felt like I�d grabbed hold of a million-volt power line. Every cell in my body was tingling. Elfangor! My father!

I could not let a flicker of recognition appear. Not a movement. Not a widening of the eyes.

Nothing! Nothing!

The lawyer had stopped. Visser Three glared at me with a woman�s eyes.

I shrugged. �Is that it?�

I saw Aria�s eyes dim. She/he was disappointed. The tension, the electricity, seemed to slowly seep out of the airless cube of an office.

�There�s more,� the lawyer said, drawing a delayed breath. �But my true name is Elfangor- Sirinial-Shamtul,� he repeated, like he couldn�t quite believe that name didn�t make me jump up and run around the room. �And though you will never know me and we will never meet, I wanted to make sure that you knew my disappearance from your life was not by my choice. I wanted nothing more than to live out my life, loving your mother and loving you as well.�

But we did meet, Elfangor, I thought. We met as you lay dying. Did you know? Did you guess � Father? Did you sense, at that last, terrible moment when I had to leave you to the murderer who now sits beside me, that I was your son?

Tears! NO! NO! One tear and I would die.

DeGroot looked annoyed now. Let down. He mumbled through the last paragraph of the letter like he had somewhere else to be.

�But I was part of something larger than myself. I had my duty. There was a great evil I had to fight. There were lives I had to try and save. Including yours and your mother�s. I am from a race called Andalites. Duty is very important to us. As it is to many, many humans. I cannot say that I love you, my son, because I do not know you. But know that I wanted to love you. Know that, at least.

�It�s signed Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul, Prince.�

I barked out a harsh laugh. �Well, that figures, doesn�t it?�

�What figures?� the creature calling itself Aria asked.

�My so-called �real father� shows up and he�s some lunatic. Some idiot. Perfect. So: No money, right?�

�No money,� DeGroot confirmed. I stood up. Aria did, too.

�You really want to take me in, or were you just hoping I was going to inherit something?� I demanded.

�I do want to take you in,� she said, smiling falsely. �But it may have to wait just a little while. You see, I was suddenly called back to Africa to do some reshooting of � of some lions.�

I laughed derisively, still the tough street kid. �Great. I have a nut for a father and a fake for a cousin.�

I turned my back on them and walked away.

�Tobias,� Aria said.

I turned back to face her. �What?�

�I � I knew your father. We were, shall we say, on the opposite sides of certain issues. But he was no fool.� Suddenly Aria/Visser Three smiled. It was a faraway smile, like she/he was remembering something from long ago. �Prince Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul was no fool. And the galaxy will not soon see his like again.�

I threw up my hands. �Good grief, you�re as crazy as he was.�

I walked out and closed the door behind me. I heard DeGroot say, �Shouldn�t we take him? Just to be safe? Make him one of us?�

Aria snorted derisively. �He�s street trash. A waste of a Yeerk. Elfangor would be ashamed. His son should be a warrior. A worthy adversary, not some young fool. A pity, really.�

I�d been in morph for a long time. I left the office and made it to a safe place without being followed or watched. I demorphed. I didn�t think about the fact that I�d decided to remain as a human.

I demorphed to hawk before I could be trapped.

But then I morphed again. Back to human. See, I wanted to cry. I wanted to cry a lot, for a long time. And hawks don�t cry.

That was a very nice letter by Elfangor. And I liked Visser Three's tribute to him. I think it's one of the kindest moments that Visser Three has in the series.

Chapter 30

quote:

I could see it all, now. DeGroot said he had inherited the letter when his father died and he took over the law practice. The younger DeGroot was a Controller. He must have almost had a heart attack when he went through his father�s old files and the name Elfangor-Sirinial-Shamtul jumped up at him. There was not a Yeerk alive who didn�t know that name.

Visser Three had wondered what happened to the son of his archenemy. Did Elfangor�s son know the truth? Was Elfangor�s son somehow connected with the �Andalite bandits� who caused the Visser such pain?

Investigation had revealed that I had disappeared from school and from the custody of my indifferent relatives. That must have really piqued Visser Three�s interest.

So he devised a trap. Invent a cousin. Offer me what I obviously did not have: a home. Lower my defenses. Then read me the letter.

But then came the complication: Visser Three had a crisis to deal with. The young Hork-Bajir named Bek. He would need two traps: one for me, one for the free Hork-Bajir.

Just in case I was connected with the �Andalite bandits,� he would play the role to the hilt: In that first visit to check out Bek, he pretended to a humanity he did not have. Later he arranged to make it seem he�d saved some girl�s life. What better proof that he was truly a human?

It would have worked. Except for the fact that Visser Three was called suddenly to the facility where they had just �captured� a group of free Hork-Bajir.

He�d been passing as Aria at the time. He needed to get to the weapons facility quickly. A helicopter would do the trick, but he would need to travel in human morph.

I saw him. And that was all that saved my life. And doomed his plan.

I flew back to my meadow, my mind and heart more full than I would have thought possible.

Elfangor. My father.

I had no doubt about who had erased Elfangor�s life on Earth. Who had allowed him to leave me that one, short letter. Only the Ellimist could have done it.

I landed back on my favorite branch in my favorite tree. He had left me. My mother never remembered him. He had never existed for her, so she did not feel the pain of it. And I would not have known, but for the letter.

And now, I guess I could be angry at him. But that wasn�t how I felt. Elfangor had run away from his duty when he came to Earth. He�d had no choice but to return to that duty. No choice at all, if he was to play the part he had to play, and be the great prince he was.

I�d lost a father. Because of that fact, Elfangor had been where he had to be, when he had to be there, to change the lives of five ordinary kids forever. And maybe � maybe � save the human race.

I wondered why the Ellimist had allowed my father to leave that letter. But I didn�t wonder for long. The answer was too simple.

See, I had a duty, too. And who is there to remind you that what you want for yourself is less important than doing what is necessary and right?

<Message received, Father. Message received.>

There really are worse messages to learn out there.

# ? Jun 26, 2021 05:44

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

Can't believe Visser 3 passed up the opportunity to say "In a way, there will be a little Elfangor in me always."

# ? Jun 26, 2021 05:53

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

SirSamVimes posted:

Can't believe Visser 3 passed up the opportunity to say "In a way, there will be a little Elfangor in me always."

That would be in bad taste.

# ? Jun 26, 2021 06:07

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Given that Tobias correctly deduced what was going on before he went in there, it seems kind of reckless to have the Animorphs go make an alibi attack and not have anyone there for him to alert in case everything goes south and they identify him and he has to sprint out of there and go bird as he's barrelling out the door. I guess they're sort of counting on the idea that even if they ID Tobias, it will take them some time to contact trace their way through to the others.

Epicurius posted:

That was a very nice letter by Elfangor. And I liked Visser Three's tribute to him. I think it's one of the kindest moments that Visser Three has in the series.

It kinda makes me wish the series' main villain was a ruthless, intelligent utilitarian who believes what they're doing is morally justified because Yeerks shouldn't have to live as slugs, rather than a cartoonish megalomaniac. We sort of get this with Visser One, I suppose.

# ? Jun 26, 2021 06:54

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

freebooter posted:

Given that Tobias correctly deduced what was going on before he went in there, it seems kind of reckless to have the Animorphs go make an alibi attack and not have anyone there for him to alert in case everything goes south and they identify him and he has to sprint out of there and go bird as he's barrelling out the door. I guess they're sort of counting on the idea that even if they ID Tobias, it will take them some time to contact trace their way through to the others.

It kinda makes me wish the series' main villain was a ruthless, intelligent utilitarian who believes what they're doing is morally justified because Yeerks shouldn't have to live as slugs, rather than a cartoonish megalomaniac. We sort of get this with Visser One, I suppose.

I repeat. The Ellimist set it so Visser Three was their antagonist. Visser One would have wrecked them before they even knew what was happening.

# ? Jun 26, 2021 07:03

OctaviusBeaver: Apr 30, 2009; Say what now?

He spends the first half of the book getting screwed over by his human side so he can't hunt and he wants to totally abandon humanity because it has no survival value. Then in the end his hawk side saves him because he doesn't show any emotions. I'm not sure what to make of that. In the end I guess the letter from Elfangor gives him a reason to want to hold on to his humanity, sure it's not as ruthless and single minded as the hawk, but the connections with other people give him a reason to want to survive in the first place.

I wonder how Ax is going to react to this news.

# ? Jun 26, 2021 07:07

Pwnstar: Dec 9, 2007; Who wants some waffles?

Ax already thinks of Tobias as his shorm so he'd probably be pretty psyched.

# ? Jun 26, 2021 12:39

Agaragon: Nov 16, 2018

Meanwhile, Alloran's been mentally screaming louder than usual this entire book :v:

# ? Jun 26, 2021 12:45

HisMajestyBOB: Oct 21, 2010; College Slice

This was the second to last Animorphs book I read as a kid (I skipped the next two and finished off on #26). Rereading it now, I'm a little surprised at how complex this book is relative to the previous books. It's even better than I had remembered.

However, since I had started reading full novels by this time and was aging out if the target demographic, it's not surprising that these stopped holding my interest. Animophs was great, but by this book I was blowing through them in just an hour or two, so it wasn't worth getting them every month.

# ? Jun 26, 2021 15:35

effervescible: Jun 29, 2012; i will eat your soul

OctaviusBeaver posted:

I wonder how Ax is going to react to this news.

Do we ever get to see any of their reactions? I don't remember any, but I also drifted away from the series fairly soon after this book so that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

# ? Jun 26, 2021 16:36

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

effervescible posted:

Do we ever get to see any of their reactions? I don't remember any, but I also drifted away from the series fairly soon after this book so that doesn't necessarily mean anything.

It gets handled "off screen"

# ? Jun 27, 2021 01:57

ANOTHER SCORCHER: Aug 12, 2018

Ax and Tobias definitely discuss it in the next Tobias book - 33? Though I don�t think that includes the reveal itself.

# ? Jun 27, 2021 02:15

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Chapter 31

quote:

I swept down across the grass, silent, my wings carefully aligned. I raked my talons forward, flared my tail, swung my wings forward, and dropped with perfect precision.

My talons sank into the back of the rabbit�s neck.

And then again, as before, I was not the hawk, but the rabbit. I was not the remorseless killer, I was the victim. Not predator, but prey.

In this vision I felt the pain of my talons in my own neck. I felt the terror of the death from the sky.

But I held on. I had to accept what this vision was telling me. What some corner of my own mind had wanted me to understand.

The rabbit became calm and quiet as I absorbed its DNA. I acquired the rabbit, made it part of me.

Then I tightened my grip till the rabbit stopped squirming. Till its heart stopped beating.

I am, after all, the predator hawk. I kill to eat.

But I am also the human being. And I can never take a life, not even for my own survival, without feeling.

I had heard my father�s message come down through the years. Now I heard the message my own mind was telling me: You are both, Tobias. Hawk and human. You always will be. You will always kill to eat. And you will always regret.

It�s a rotten situation, I guess. But my duty is to be what I am. A hawk. A boy. Instinct. And emotion. I�ll have to go on walking that tightrope.

I ate the mother rabbit. All I could hold.

Then I morphed into the mother rabbit. And I shepherded the babies safely back to their den, as over our heads the other hawk flew, looking down at us for a chance to hunt and eat as I had done.

Life would have been a lot easier for me if I could have been a simple, ruthless animal. If all my decisions were straightforward. If everything made sense.

But that�s not the way it is for human beings.

I looked up at the other hawk through terrified rabbit eyes. I had become prey, this time for real. This is what it felt like. This is what my prey saw when they felt my shadow blot out the sun. It was good that I knew.

<Sorry, my brother hawk,> I said to the shadow of death above me. <There�s nothing left for you in this meadow. These little ones are under my protection now.>

I killed to eat. But I didn�t need to eat these little ones. These I would save. These little ones I could pity. That was the human thing to do.

That night I went to Rachel�s room. She was asleep. She was ticked off when I woke her up. But she rolled out of bed and put on a robe and told me she�d never get any sleep with some idiot bird coming in and out at all hours.

Then she showed me the cake. She lit a candle and I blew it out by flapping my wing. Neither of us sang �Happy Birthday.� But she said it.

�Happy birthday, Tobias.�

And so we end this book with Tobias getting a little older and a little wiser, and sharing a birthday cake with a girl he likes. There are worse ways to end a book.

Tomorrow we start book 24, The Suspicion, which is a Cassie book, and has certainly had mixed reviews. It's less serious than some of these books, but after this book, the Hork-Bajir Chronicle and the David trilogy, maybe a less serious book isn't a bad thing?

# ? Jun 27, 2021 04:36

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

A very satisfying ending but wow we really don't get to see the part where he tells everyone who his dad is huh

also Tobias you're going to be hungry again you know you'll end up eating those rabbits eventually too

# ? Jun 27, 2021 05:09

effervescible: Jun 29, 2012; i will eat your soul

I understand the dramatic pacing and how it would be kind of awkward to immediately have Tobias tell his friends what we just got told, but dammit, I would have loved to see everyone's reactions. There's probably fanfic of that somewhere.

# ? Jun 27, 2021 15:09

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

Serious spoilers: It's really sad how this is a genuine moment of growth and maturation for Tobias, coming closer to coming to terms with his weird double life, and the only family that he's ever going to have in the Animorphs... but then it all crumbles and he becomes a total recluse after the war. He doesn't get a happy ending, and he's not alone in that, and I quite admire KA for doing that to her characters. Not everything is a satisfying story arc of positive growth; sometimes life and events just really gently caress you up beyond repair.

# ? Jun 27, 2021 15:15

Fritzler: Sep 5, 2007

FlocksOfMice posted:

A very satisfying ending but wow we really don't get to see the part where he tells everyone who his dad is huh

also Tobias you're going to be hungry again you know you'll end up eating those rabbits eventually too

I think he will repeatedly raise rabbits till they have babies, then kill the mother so he always has a supply of food. He is using human thinking to make sure he has a constant supply of food.

# ? Jun 27, 2021 15:53

Tree Bucket: Apr 1, 2016; R.I.P.idura leucophrys

Fritzler posted:

I think he will repeatedly raise rabbits till they have babies, then kill the mother so he always has a supply of food. He is using human thinking to make sure he has a constant supply of food.

In today's episode, Tobias reinvents agriculture

# ? Jun 28, 2021 02:40

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Tree Bucket posted:

In today's episode, Tobias reinvents agriculture

Herders generally don't act as surrogate mother and wet-nurse for their flock, though.

I'm pretty sure doing this (if that is his plan) is going to gently caress him up way more and faster than just regular hunting :psyduck:

# ? Jun 28, 2021 02:56

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Especially because hawks have to eat every few days, so unless these are the fastest growing and most fertile rabbits ever....

# ? Jun 28, 2021 05:11

Epicurius: Apr 10, 2010; College Slice

Animorphs: Book 24-The Suspicion

quote:

Go forth, mighty warriors! Go forth into space! All the galaxy shall tremble before the Helmacrons. All will obey us. All will be our
slaves. For only we are truly worthy to be Lords of the Universe.
-Posthumous Exhortation of the Emperor. From the log of the Helmacron ship, Galaxy Blaster

My name is Cassie.

There are a lot of things about me that I can�t tell you. My last name, for example. Or my address.

I live in a paranoid world. I wish I didn�t, but I do. And I have no choice but to conceal, to lie, to mislead. Even while I am desperately trying to tell the truth.

You must know the truth. You must accept what is happening to Earth, to humanity. Because only by knowing can you fight the terrible evil that is upon us.

I am referring, of course, to the Yeerks.

Not to the Helmacrons.

The Yeerks are a parasitic species from a far-distant planet. They originate in an aquatic environment. A Yeerk pool. At some point in their evolution they moved out of the safety and sensory deprivation of the pool and evolved an ability to enter the brains of a species called Gedds.

For a long time, millennia, maybe, they were content to go that far. They did not know about space travel or technology at all. Like humans, they did not know of the existence of other species in the galaxy.

At least, that�s what our Andalite friend, Ax, tells us. I�m sure it would be fascinating to study the evolution of the Yeerk species. Kind of like it must be fascinating to study cholera or typhoid. Study with care. Because as far as humans are concerned, the Yeerks are disease. They are spreading throughout our population.

They enter through the ear canal. They have the ability to thin out their bodies, displace the portions of the inner ear that are in the way, and drill into the skull. There they flatten their bodies out, sinking into the crevices on the surface of a human brain.

They tie into the brain. Like you or me accessing a computer with a keyboard. They can see all of your memories. They know all of your thoughts. All.

And they can control you utterly and completely. They move your hands. They move your feet. They aim your eyes and tilt your head and make that familiar smile everyone knows is yours alone.

We call them Controllers. The slaves of the Yeerks. The Hork-Bajir people were the Yeerks� first great alien conquest. Then they infiltrated the Taxxons. They have had skirmishes with a dozen other species. But now they are after their greatest prize: Homo sapiens.

Humans. Humans, with fingers more delicate and capable than any Taxxon or Hork-Bajir or Gedd. Humans, who could be fed almost anything, unlike the bark-eating Hork-Bajir or the eternally ravenous, cannibalistic Taxxons. Humans, who exist in numbers far greater than all those species combined.

We are the perfect host bodies. Not as dangerous as a Hork-Bajir can be, but infinitely more adaptable.

Billions of unaware, skeptical human beings. We look, to the Yeerks, like Aztec gold looked to Cort�s. We could be the solution to all their problems. We could give them the sheer numbers to explode from Earth and ravage every other species in existence.

Fighting against this invasion are the Andalites. Outnumbered, outgunned, unprepared. Like firemen trying to put out a firestorm that leaps from building to building, the Andalites try to outsmart and outfight the Yeerks.

Sometimes they win. Other times �

The Andalites came to Earth to crush the Yeerk invasion. Instead they were destroyed. Ax, our friend Aximili-Esgarrouth-Isthill, made it to Earth and survived to join us.

His brother, Prince Elfangor, also made it to Earth. Knowing he was about to die, he gave us the ultimate prize of Andalite technology: the power to morph. The ability to touch any living animal, absorb its DNA, and then to literally become that animal.

And who is �us�? Me. My best friend, Rachel. Jake, our very cute and very fearless leader. Marco, Jake�s best friend. Ax the Andalite. And Tobias.

Tobias is living the downside of morphing. See, there�s a two-hour limit. If you stay in morph longer than that, you stay permanently.

Now you know. Now you see what we Animorphs are up against.

And now you see why we really didn�t need a second alien invasion of Earth.

I mean, isn�t one enough?

So this is the standard "summary of the series premise" chapter.

Chapter 2

quote:

O Great Emperor, the Most Wise, the Most Farseeing, we have at last found a planet ripe for conquest! It is a very large planet,
filled with very large species. But the larger they are, the lower they will be brought, as they cringe and tremble before our unstoppable
might!
- From the log of the Helmacron ship, Galaxy Blaster

�Cassie, what are you doing?�
I stood up, feeling the ache in my back. I was in the bed of my dad�s pickup truck. I had just lifted a somewhat rusty bicycle up there to join the rest of the stuff we were giving away. I wiped the sweat from my forehead and looked down at Rachel.

As always, she looked like she�d just stepped off a page of Mademoiselle magazine. Rachel is the only person alive who could be run over by a bus, buried in a mud slide, and thrown two miles by a tornado, and somehow emerge from it with perfect clothes, perfect hair, and perfect makeup.

Sometimes I swear it�s something supernatural.

Whereas I had spent the morning mucking out the stables, giving a suppository to a very annoyed Canada goose, and then collected giveaway stuff for a run to Goodwill. And I looked � well, I looked like I�d been run over by a bus, buried in a mud slide, and thrown by a tornado.

�I�m working,� I said grumpily. �Maybe you should try it sometime.�

Rachel wasn�t at all offended. �I just have two words for you, Cassie: Ralph. Lauren. It�s one thing to wallow in dirt, but do you have to do it while wearing boys� jeans from Wal-Mart? That�s why we have Ralph Lauren. For the outdoorsy types.�

I slid down to the ground. Then I grabbed a dirt clod near my feet. �Come here. I just want to see if it�s even possible for dirt to cling to you.�

�Do not throw that dirt clod at me.�

�It�s an experiment. I have to know whether you�re really human! You�re like the Undead. Only you�re the Un-dirty!�

I did a gentle, underhand lob of the dirt clod. Rachel calmly snatched it out of the air and let it drop.

�Okay, show me your hand,� I demanded. �That was wet dirt. It should have stuck to your palm.�

Rachel laughed and refused to show me her hand. �So here we are. It�s a beautiful Saturday morning. We have no mission, at least as far as I�ve heard. You going to work the rest of the day? Or are you going to come with me to the mall, buy a new bathing suit, and then come with me to the beach? I need to refresh my tan.�

�My tan is already pretty fresh,� I said. �And I do not want to spend the day baking in the sun while you look at guys. I have stuff to do.�

Rachel crinkled her face. �Hey. What�s that?�

�What�s what?� I followed the direction of her stare. She was looking at an old, hand-operated water pump. It wasn�t something we used. It was more of an antique that my mom liked the look of. Attached to it was a small, silvery object. �It�s a toy,� I said. �A toy spaceship. Star Wars or Star Trek or Star Something, I guess.� I pried the little thing off the pump. �Huh. Must be magnetized.�

�You look worried.�

I shrugged. �Coincidence.� I looked around to make sure no one was listening. �The pump is where I hid the blue box. You just unscrew the mechanism from the base plate, and it�s in there.�

�That�s where you hid the blue box?�

�You have a better place?�

The blue box has some official Andalite name. Several, actually. It�s the device they use to transfer the morphing power to an individual. A kid named David found it not so long ago. We�d used it to make him an Animorph, but David hadn�t handled the power well.

David was a rat. Literally. He would live a rat, die a rat.

It wasn�t something I liked thinking about. In any case, once we�d gotten the box back, I�d been the one chosen to hide it.

And now a toy spaceship was attached to it. I lifted up the silver toy and examined it. It was about three or four inches long. It was shaped like a baton, with three clusters of three long tubes at the far end and a fierce, alien death�s-head bridge at the front.

I grinned at Rachel. �Romulan?�

�Marco would know. Or Jake. I guarantee you, either of them would be able to take one look at this toy and give you a ten-minute explanation on what show it�s from and what stories it was in.�

�I�ll throw it in with the other Goodwill stuff,� I said. I did. Then I looked up at the sky. Bright sun peeking through fluffy clouds. �Okay, I�m not a beach person, but this day is too good to waste.

I�ll go with you. I�ll just go find a pair of my mom�s Bermuda shorts to wear. The big, striped ones.�

The look on Rachel�s face was perfect: horror struggling with disbelief.

�Kidding,� I said. �Just kidding. I�ll go get my suit. You are so easy, sometimes.�

And so, two young women set out to find weekend fun and relaxation, not aware of the HORROR that awaits them!

More seriously, is this the first time David was mentioned since the rattening?

# ? Jun 28, 2021 05:20

ANOTHER SCORCHER: Aug 12, 2018

Oh god, this book.

# ? Jun 28, 2021 05:36

Tunzie: Aug 9, 2008

Oh, no.

# ? Jun 28, 2021 05:52

Remalle: Feb 12, 2020

I'm so glad everyone else is having the exact same reaction I just did when I saw the word "Helmacron."

# ? Jun 28, 2021 06:09

SirSamVimes: Jul 21, 2008; ~* Challenge *~

Remalle posted:

I'm so glad everyone else is having the exact same reaction I just did when I saw the word "Helmacron."

# ? Jun 28, 2021 06:30

Comrade Blyatlov: Aug 4, 2007; should have picked four fingers

should have kept david around for this

# ? Jun 28, 2021 06:33

someone awful.: Sep 7, 2007

can we just... pretend this book didn't happen?

# ? Jun 28, 2021 06:40

freebooter: Jul 7, 2009

You'd better get used to the Helmacrons because they show up again in at least one subsequent book :colbert:

quote:

Humans, who could be fed almost anything, unlike the bark-eating Hork-Bajir

I never thought about what a logistical issue this would be. Not so much on earth where it seems like they can eat our bark, but out in space and on the Taxxon world.

Epicurius posted:

More seriously, is this the first time David was mentioned since the rattening?

Nah, Tobias mentioned him last book too.

# ? Jun 28, 2021 06:48

FlocksOfMice: Feb 3, 2009

I don't think I read much further than this book... and I barely remember this at all

but oh boy did I have a gut reaction of "oh no it's this one"

# ? Jun 28, 2021 06:51

HIJK: Nov 25, 2012; in the room where you sleep

the Helmacrons rule and I will not see them slandered LONG LIVE HELMACRON

# ? Jun 28, 2021 07:41

Fuschia tude: Dec 26, 2004; THUNDERDOME LOSER 2019

Oh yeah, I think I vaguely remember some of the reveals now that you're all talking about this. Helmacrons feel like a very Hitchhiker's Guide sort of alien, from what I remember.

# ? Jun 28, 2021 07:48

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# ? May 25, 2024 00:53

Pwnstar: Dec 9, 2007; Who wants some waffles?

Fuschia tude posted:

Oh yeah, I think I vaguely remember some of the reveals now that you're all talking about this. Helmacrons feel like a very Hitchhiker's Guide sort of alien, from what I remember.

You remember correctly. Spoiler about Helmacron nature below.

quote:

It is of course well known that careless talk costs lives, but the full scale of the problem is not always appreciated.

For instance, at the very moment that Arthur said ``I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle,'' a freak wormhole opened up in the fabric of the space-time continuum and carried his words far far back in time across almost infinite reaches of space to a distant Galaxy where strange and warlike beings were poised on the brink of frightful interstellar battle.

The two opposing leaders were meeting for the last time.

A dreadful silence fell across the conference table as the commander of the Vl'hurgs, resplendent in his black jewelled battle shorts, gazed levelly at the G'Gugvuntt leader squatting opposite him in a cloud of green sweet-smelling steam, and, with a million sleek and horribly beweaponed star cruisers poised to unleash electric death at his single word of command, challenged the vile creature to take back what it had said about his mother.

The creature stirred in his sickly broiling vapour, and at that very moment the words I seem to be having tremendous difficulty with my lifestyle drifted across the conference table.

Unfortunately, in the Vl'hurg tongue this was the most dreadful insult imaginable, and there was nothing for it but to wage terrible war for centuries.

Eventually of course, after their Galaxy had been decimated over a few thousand years, it was realized that the whole thing had been a ghastly mistake, and so the two opposing battle fleets settled their few remaining differences in order to launch a joint attack on our own Galaxy --- now positively identified as the source of the offending remark.

For thousands more years the mighty ships tore across the empty wastes of space and finally dived screaming on to the first planet they came across --- which happened to be the Earth --- where due to a terrible miscalculation of scale the entire battle fleet was accidentally swallowed by a small dog.

Those who study the complex interplay of cause and effect in the history of the Universe say that this sort of thing is going on all the time, but that we are powerless to prevent it.

The Helmacrons own btw.

# ? Jun 28, 2021 12:35

The Something Awful Forums > Archives > Comedy Goldmine > Let's Read Animorphs! The Whole Series! Ch-ch-ch-chaaanges

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