Reddit: A fiesta of problematic statements

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Reddit: A fiesta of problematic statements

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William Henry Hairytaint: Oct 29, 2011

I will never, ever stop ejaculating

# ? Jul 10, 2021 17:17

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# ? Jun 8, 2024 07:31

Anne Whateley: Feb 11, 2007; i like nice words

Or posting about my ejaculations from 1995

# ? Jul 10, 2021 17:18

Last Chance: Dec 31, 2004

DerekSmartymans posted:

It�s really stupid because what does it affect if you have a lot of sex instead of whackin� your junk? It�s more fun but for a male (me) there�s nothing really physically different between the two (not including the intimacy that makes sex emotionally more healthy).

Before my divorce my wife and I had sex at least twice a day, seven days a week (not always PiV, but it slowed some once my son got old enough to get out of bed and open our door!).

I�m not trying to brag, I�m trying to imagine the physical difference (for men) between constantly loving and jerkin� your business four times a day. Does this turd have a theory addressing this? I would really like to see the �methods� in that paper!

Also, my doctor straight up told me to not gently caress or masturbate for a week before my physical because I always had protein in my urine samples and I was on anti-psychotics that cause weight/metabolism trouble and he thought I was trending toward type 2 diabetes. Guess the protein source [sub](again, this was twenty five years ago and I�ve not had any type of physical affection in three years so I�m passing the urine tests now)

Lol

# ? Jul 10, 2021 17:53

Last Chance: Dec 31, 2004

I think this whole forum is collectively sundowning now that we're all old people. and Hell, I'm happy to be among friends while my brain evaporates

# ? Jul 10, 2021 17:54

withak: Jan 15, 2003; Fun Shoe

Kevin DuBrow posted:

I don't get it, what was the protein source

Hotdogs up urethra.

# ? Jul 10, 2021 18:35

zgrowler2: Oct 29, 2011; HOW DOES THE IPHONE APP WORK?? I WILL SPAM ENDLESSLY EVERYWHERE AND DISREGARD ANY REPLIES

Last Chance posted:

I think this whole forum is collectively sundowning now that we're all old people. and Hell, I'm happy to be among friends while my brain evaporates

# ? Jul 10, 2021 18:46

DerekSmartymans: Feb 14, 2005; The
Copacetic
Ascetic

Kevin DuBrow posted:

I don't get it, what was the protein source

Residual spermatozoa in the urethra from sex an hour before the urine sample.

:thejoke:

# ? Jul 11, 2021 00:12

DerekSmartymans: Feb 14, 2005; The
Copacetic
Ascetic

Anne Whateley posted:

Or posting about my ejaculations from 1995

Nothing screams dead, gay forum like 25 year old ejaculation stories in a Reddit thread.

Is there a r/pantshittimg sub? Asking for a friend

Edit: is there any demographic info on SA through the years or closer to now? I know we�ve lost a lot over the years but there are still a bunch of names I see posting that I remember from 16 years ago. Just never thought about it before

DerekSmartymans fucked around with this message at 00:19 on Jul 11, 2021

# ? Jul 11, 2021 00:15

Gomez Chamberlain: Mar 22, 2005; ^{Subakh ul kuhar!}

DerekSmartymans posted:

It�s really stupid because what does it affect if you have a lot of sex instead of whackin� your junk? It�s more fun but for a male (me) there�s nothing really physically different between the two (not including the intimacy that makes sex emotionally more healthy).

Before my divorce my wife and I had sex at least twice a day, seven days a week (not always PiV, but it slowed some once my son got old enough to get out of bed and open our door!).

I�m not trying to brag, I�m trying to imagine the physical difference (for men) between constantly loving and jerkin� your business four times a day. Does this turd have a theory addressing this? I would really like to see the �methods� in that paper!

Also, my doctor straight up told me to not gently caress or masturbate for a week before my physical because I always had protein in my urine samples and I was on anti-psychotics that cause weight/metabolism trouble and he thought I was trending toward type 2 diabetes. Guess the protein source [sub](again, this was twenty five years ago and I�ve not had any type of physical affection in three years so I�m passing the urine tests now)

Which subreddit is this from

# ? Jul 11, 2021 01:02

DerekSmartymans: Feb 14, 2005; The
Copacetic
Ascetic

Gomez Chamberlain posted:

Which subreddit is this from

r/TMI

# ? Jul 11, 2021 01:05

RFC2324: Jun 7, 2012; http 418

I gotta say, I think its the first time I have seen someone posting about how much sex they used to have without that being their gimmick

# ? Jul 11, 2021 01:30

zgrowler2: Oct 29, 2011; HOW DOES THE IPHONE APP WORK?? I WILL SPAM ENDLESSLY EVERYWHERE AND DISREGARD ANY REPLIES

DerekSmartymans posted:

Edit: is there any demographic info on SA through the years or closer to now? I know we’ve lost a lot over the years but there are still a bunch of names I see posting that I remember from 16 years ago. Just never thought about it before

I bet an admin could run a report on the database and peg a regdate year to average posting career activity over time

all I really know anecdotally is SA has shifted left and queer and used to be right and LF

# ? Jul 11, 2021 04:09

Pac and Cheese: Oct 29, 2010; gotta walk fast

if reddit taught me anything it's that the healthiest of all babies are born from fully matured sperm (64 days of no ejac from a 64 year old) and a woman of prime breeding age (14 years)

just think of how many alien planets we could have conquered, if only we had the courage to make babbys as nature intended

# ? Jul 11, 2021 04:30

Snowy: Oct 6, 2010; A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense

DerekSmartymans posted:

It�s really stupid because what does it affect if you have a lot of sex instead of whackin� your junk? It�s more fun but for a male (me) there�s nothing really physically different between the two (not including the intimacy that makes sex emotionally more healthy).

Before my divorce my wife and I had sex at least twice a day, seven days a week (not always PiV, but it slowed some once my son got old enough to get out of bed and open our door!).

I�m not trying to brag, I�m trying to imagine the physical difference (for men) between constantly loving and jerkin� your business four times a day. Does this turd have a theory addressing this? I would really like to see the �methods� in that paper!

Also, my doctor straight up told me to not gently caress or masturbate for a week before my physical because I always had protein in my urine samples and I was on anti-psychotics that cause weight/metabolism trouble and he thought I was trending toward type 2 diabetes. Guess the protein source [sub](again, this was twenty five years ago and I�ve not had any type of physical affection in three years so I�m passing the urine tests now)

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Either you guys were banging it out quick or you both set aside an admirable amount of time for loving. Either way, 🥂

# ? Jul 11, 2021 04:33

Pac and Cheese: Oct 29, 2010; gotta walk fast

obviously the difference is that the sperm wasn't wasted when you sometimes but not always did PiV with your ex or dead wife or w/e
god makes your sperm less powerful when you jerk off
it's like how a woman can sleep with the same guy 300 times and be fine but if she fucks 3 different guys she gets all loose
it's god

# ? Jul 11, 2021 04:40

syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

Wouldn't that theory mean if you *really* cared about STRONG SPERM CHILDREN you would time it so you'd deposit at a sperm bank or something at your peak?

Very reddit, lots of huffawing about how good it could be without the follow through.

"Yeah boss, gotta take an extended lunch. Yeah, I gotta leave my nut so I can make the human race stronger."

# ? Jul 11, 2021 04:49

bellows lugosi: Aug 9, 2003

zgrowler2 posted:

I bet an admin could run a report on the database and peg a regdate year to average posting career activity over time

all I really know anecdotally is SA has shifted left and queer and used to be right and LF

this is a good thing imo

# ? Jul 11, 2021 05:04

Pac and Cheese: Oct 29, 2010; gotta walk fast

worst part is that he thought that because they reach maturity at 64 days that means if any woman god forbid let him impregnate them he was holding them in twice as long to make 128 day decrepit sperm babies
like they'd be born as an old man benjamin button baby but only get older from there

# ? Jul 11, 2021 05:35

Michaelis: Dec 29, 2019

I think they've internalized the shame associated with masturbation of Christian morality, then went looking for a "logical" explanation of why they feel this way.

# ? Jul 11, 2021 08:42

endocriminologist: May 17, 2021; SUFFERINGLOVER:press send + soul + earth lol
inncntsoul:ok

(inncntsoul has left the game)

ARCHON_MASTER:lol
MAMMON69:lol

DerekSmartymans posted:

It�s really stupid because what does it affect if you have a lot of sex instead of whackin� your junk? It�s more fun but for a male (me) there�s nothing really physically different between the two (not including the intimacy that makes sex emotionally more healthy).

Before my divorce my wife and I had sex at least twice a day, seven days a week (not always PiV, but it slowed some once my son got old enough to get out of bed and open our door!).

I�m not trying to brag, I�m trying to imagine the physical difference (for men) between constantly loving and jerkin� your business four times a day. Does this turd have a theory addressing this? I would really like to see the �methods� in that paper!

Also, my doctor straight up told me to not gently caress or masturbate for a week before my physical because I always had protein in my urine samples and I was on anti-psychotics that cause weight/metabolism trouble and he thought I was trending toward type 2 diabetes. Guess the protein source [sub](again, this was twenty five years ago and I�ve not had any type of physical affection in three years so I�m passing the urine tests now)

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

hell yeah

# ? Jul 11, 2021 10:16

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

Last Chance posted:

I think this whole forum is collectively sundowning now that we're all old people. and Hell, I'm happy to be among friends while my brain evaporates

You get to meet new people every day

# ? Jul 11, 2021 11:14

Poohs Packin: Jan 13, 2019

DerekSmartymans posted:

It’s really stupid because what does it affect if you have a lot of sex instead of whackin’ your junk? It’s more fun but for a male (me) there’s nothing really physically different between the two (not including the intimacy that makes sex emotionally more healthy).

Before my divorce my wife and I had sex at least twice a day, seven days a week (not always PiV, but it slowed some once my son got old enough to get out of bed and open our door!).

I’m not trying to brag, I’m trying to imagine the physical difference (for men) between constantly loving and jerkin’ your business four times a day. Does this turd have a theory addressing this? I would really like to see the “methods” in that paper!

Also, my doctor straight up told me to not gently caress or masturbate for a week before my physical because I always had protein in my urine samples and I was on anti-psychotics that cause weight/metabolism trouble and he thought I was trending toward type 2 diabetes. Guess the protein source [sub](again, this was twenty five years ago and I’ve not had any type of physical affection in three years so I’m passing the urine tests now)

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

Sex at least 14 times a week and you got divorced.

# ? Jul 11, 2021 11:59

Solar Tornado: Aug 9, 2016; A true fool keeps on fighting, even when there is no more glory to be gained

Poohs Packin posted:

Sex at least 14 times a week and you got divorced.

He never specifically said they had sex with eachother

# ? Jul 11, 2021 12:10

Poohs Packin: Jan 13, 2019

I mean obviously there are a ton of factors to a healthy marriage but a dead bedroom is usually a sign things are going south. 14 times a week is like crazy near compulsive levels of banging.

I also love the "not always PiV" line.

# ? Jul 11, 2021 12:15

Platystemon: Feb 13, 2012; BREADS

Kevin DuBrow posted:

This is the second most upvoted post of all time from that subreddit

monster cable :brainworms:

for sperm

# ? Jul 11, 2021 13:56

DerekSmartymans: Feb 14, 2005; The
Copacetic
Ascetic

Poohs Packin posted:

Sex at least 14 times a week and you got divorced.

I did specifically mention it went way down after our son was born. We got divorced because I would disappear for a couple of days at a time and give our money away to anyone with a sob story. She tried, but she spent two years living with an untreated paranoid schizophrenic so I don�t hold a grudge or anything. If she hadn�t left me I never would have sought professional help. I wasn�t ever violent or anything, but I wasn�t the same person she�d married, and we�ve remained cordial after all these years raising our boy.

Edit: Specifically saying �not always PiV� was a conscious choice. You can give physical intimacy to someone you love all the time without intercourse, but I still consider it sex.

DerekSmartymans fucked around with this message at 16:11 on Jul 11, 2021

# ? Jul 11, 2021 16:02

Snowy: Oct 6, 2010; A man whose blood
Is very snow-broth;
One who never feels
The wanton stings and
Motions of the sense

DerekSmartymans posted:

Edit: Specifically saying �not always PiV� was a conscious choice. You can give physical intimacy to someone you love all the time without intercourse, but I still consider it sex.

It�s still pretty funny, sex twice a day probably would have sufficed but I appreciate the attention to detail even if it�s not a full breakdown of orifices/manual stimulation.

# ? Jul 11, 2021 18:25

DerekSmartymans: Feb 14, 2005; The
Copacetic
Ascetic

Snowy posted:

It�s still pretty funny, sex twice a day probably would have sufficed but I appreciate the attention to detail even if it�s not a full breakdown of orifices/manual stimulation.

:highfive:

# ? Jul 11, 2021 18:32

veni veni veni: Jun 5, 2005

Poohs Packin posted:

I also love the "not always PiV" line.

same

# ? Jul 11, 2021 19:05

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

Jestery posted:

Nm what's a hapa with you

genuine lol

# ? Jul 11, 2021 19:08

Khanstant: Apr 5, 2007

cebrail posted:

Didn�t reddit start without a comment function? I think it was supposed to be just a list of links and pictures, ranked by voting.

No, it used to not allow pictures at all and look more like a wall of del.icio.us links with comments sections. It was mostly tech/nerd poo poo back then, basically a new version of Digg, Fark, Slashdot, w/e. It set itself apart initially for not having pictures and all of the Lowest Common Denominator content that has become the site's hallmark. Making the site run on a literally popularity-contest made its modern form inevitable, but for a brief period it was a welcome respite form Digg which had become inundated with lovely top 10 lego star wars videogame lists and other poo poo we'd call clickbait or blogspam today. Reddit changed it's mind about pictures and LCD content and the site became much more popular in short order, more or less what it is today. Thing is I think everyone assumed Reddit would be dead by now like its predecessors, but I guess the infinite splintering communities thing gave it more staying power than the rest.

# ? Jul 11, 2021 19:24

RPATDO_LAMD: Mar 22, 2013; 🐘🪠🍆

Reddit didn't have official embedded pictures for ages and it went down to lowest-common-denominator stuff way before that was added.
Everyone just used browser extensions to add that functionality.

It also used to have only a small set of officially moderated sub-boards run by the admins, instead of infinite user-created subreddits.

# ? Jul 11, 2021 19:40

RPATDO_LAMD: Mar 22, 2013; 🐘🪠🍆

anyway have some content

# ? Jul 11, 2021 19:46

EL BROMANCE: Jun 10, 2006; COWABUNGA DUDES!
🥷🐢😬

RPATDO_LAMD posted:

Reddit didn't have official embedded pictures for ages and it went down to lowest-common-denominator stuff way before that was added.
Everyone just used browser extensions to add that functionality.

I think I�m equal parts amazed and relieved that Reddit doesn�t have embedded images in the replies.

# ? Jul 11, 2021 19:54

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

Why does the Reddit thread inexorably swing to goons posting about their sex life

# ? Jul 12, 2021 00:35

syntaxfunction: Oct 27, 2010

Mx. posted:

Why does the Reddit thread inexorably swing to goons posting about their sex life

Look I need everyone to know I am a sex haver. What is even the point of having sex if not for kudos? Honestly.

On the topic of reddit tho sometimes when I get bored I try and achieve the most downvotes on a comment with the laziest post. It's surprising how formulaic it is. You don't need to resort to slurs or anything (because knowing reddit they'd hit the up arrow). Just post something like "I think it's good that cancel culture is making people think about their actions" or "I think white men have had their time and must now share the floor with everyone else".

These are the spiciest opinions on reddit besides dumb video game ones.

# ? Jul 12, 2021 02:21

gay for gacha: Dec 22, 2006

What would it take to get those niche communities that some of you use reddit for to use a forum like SA? I mean surely we aren't the only people that think the reddit system is not ideal for discussion.

# ? Jul 12, 2021 02:29

Party Boat: Nov 1, 2007; where did that other dog come from

who is he

I think it probably varies by hobby but reddit seems to take passion / obsession to another level a lot of the time and I think a lot of that wouldn't be possible with conversation about a particular subject contained in a single thread (not necessarily a bad thing)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZK8Z8hulFg

The video is barely exaggerating lol https://www.reddit.com/r/HydroHomies

# ? Jul 12, 2021 07:17

Caesar Saladin: Aug 15, 2004

"hydro homies" used to be named "water n-words" (but the actual word) and then 50 million white dudes complained about how it was all a joke and super funny when it was banned

# ? Jul 12, 2021 07:32

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 8, 2024 07:31

gay for gacha: Dec 22, 2006

Party Boat posted:

I think it probably varies by hobby but reddit seems to take passion / obsession to another level a lot of the time and I think a lot of that wouldn't be possible with conversation about a particular subject contained in a single thread (not necessarily a bad thing)

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=4ZK8Z8hulFg

The video is barely exaggerating lol https://www.reddit.com/r/HydroHomies

This guy's reddit fart huffing tone impression is spot on.

# ? Jul 12, 2021 11:23

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