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Jim declares Friday to be not not opposite day - leaving Dwight feeling shaken and confused.
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Jul 15, 2021 14:31
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| # ? May 14, 2024 14:04 |
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Jim starts sleeping in the office overnight, prompting concerns over his home life. Pam admits that they're still married but that they haven't truly been a couple in years, and that she no longer even thinks of Jim as a human being after living with him for so long. She honestly didn't even know Jim was spending his nights in the office, that's how disconnected they are. Dwight, out of the kindness of his heart, offers to visit Jim one night and get him set up in a hotel. When Dwight steps into the office he's struck by the smell of apples and sees Jim using a large cider press. "Hey Dwight, want some apple cider?" he says as he turns the crank, spilling cider into a bucket. Dwight pleads for Jim to get his life together and start living like a normal person, at which point Jim takes a sip of his apple cider. "It's good, Dwight. Cures what ails ya!" With that, Jim explodes into a pile of apples which roll around on the floor. The office door opens, startling Dwight. Jim walks in, seemingly fine, and starts putting the Jim-apples into the cider press. "Hey Dwight, I'm making apple cider. Ya want some?" He says with a smug smile.
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Jul 15, 2021 16:14
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jim just fuckin' posts, man. he keeps posting. just posting through it all
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Jul 15, 2021 16:39
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Jim hides a full grown silverback gorilla in Dwight's desk. When Dwight opens the drawer to retrieve his stapler the silverback leaps out and begins to pummel Dwight into a red paste
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Jul 15, 2021 17:08
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Jim secrets Dwight's car keys inside his rear end in a top hat for most of the day until it's time to go home. Dwight pats himself down and asks aloud "where are my car keys?" "Here you go, buddy." Jim smirks at the camera as he hands Dwight the keys. The keys smell terrible and are visibly covered in specks of poo poo. "They must have fallen into the toilet when you were in the bathroom," Jim offers. Dwight knows the keys have been in Jim's rear end but can't prove it, so he has to just take the keys and wash them off in the sink. While Dwight is in the bathroom washing off his keys Jim pushes Dwight's desk out the window into the parking lot. It lands on Meredith's car. Meredith has to be taken to the hospital.
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Jul 15, 2021 17:16
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Jim starts running at full-speed around the office, screaming and arms flailing. Dwight and Oscar physically restrain him and ask what's happening, and Jim just keeps screaming and starts crying and slapping at them. Eventually an ambulance is called and they strap a still-screaming Jim to a gurney and wheel him out. Pam rushes to be by her husband in the hospital and to find out what's going on. The next day Dwight buys flowers and heads to the hospital to see Jim. When he gets there Pam is asleep next to Jim, who's in bed and hooked to a heart monitor but seems fine otherwise. Dwight gives Jim the flowers and expresses his joy that Jim is okay, at which point Jim starts laughing. "Pffft, who fuckin' cares, Dwight. You're such a stupid little wimp, oh my God I can't believe you actually showed up here." Jim then tosses a jell-o container at Dwight's head. Pam wakes up and asks what's going on, and Jim can barely contain his laughter as he says that Dwight "cared about how I was doing". Pam joins Jim's raucous laughter. When Dwight asks Pam how she can be so cold, she stares at him and says "Jim cut all those parts out of me years ago, IDIOT!". She then starts laughing even harder, to the point that she starts crying. Jim throws his bedpan at Dwight, barely missing his head, as Dwight tosses the flowers to the ground and leaves. Jim mugs for the camera and smashes his fists against the side of his head several times. Pam is still crying but the laughter has stopped.
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Jul 15, 2021 17:26
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Jim buys a car of the same make and model of Dwight's. He pays a few thousand dollars to get it repainted the same color. When Dwight gets to the office, Jim lojacks the door and steals everything and puts it in his duplicate car in the same place, which he then drives around for a few hours to get the mileage exactly the same. He takes the plates as well. He puts up a fake handicap sign on the parking spot and has Dwight's car towed. Then he removes the sign and parks his own duplicate in the same spot. Now when Dwight gets off work his keys don't work. What a loser nerd.
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Jul 15, 2021 17:47
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Each day Jim inserts a nickel into Dwight's phone. This goes on for over a decade. Dwight's phone now weighs 40 pounds. Then one day Jim removes all the nickels, and when Dwight picks up his phone he punches himself in the head so hard that he blacks out and fractures his skull
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Jul 15, 2021 18:03
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John Wick of Dogs posted:Jim buys a car of the same make and model of Dwight's. He pays a few thousand dollars to get it repainted the same color.
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Jul 15, 2021 18:37
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Jim releases three bees in the office but glues tiny little signs around their necks that say bee 1, bee 2, and bee 4. Dwight is allergic to bee stings and suffers from anaphylactic shock before he ever finds the fourth non-existent bee.
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Jul 15, 2021 20:09
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While Dwight is sleeping, Jim lays his eggs in Dwight's tear ducts. Once Cecelia and whatever Jim named his other kid(s?) hatch, they nourish themselves by devouring Dwight's eyeballs before moving on to his central nervous system. Before long, they learn how to use his skeletal muscles to get his body to transport them around. He loses all his accounts because when his clients call, all they can do is push up on his diaphragm to make a loud exhale sound into the phone. Dwight eventually gets fired when Michael realizes he's been dead for months. Meredith is hospitalized in the commotion.
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Jul 15, 2021 20:34
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Jim becomes obsessed with the character Eli McCullough from the AMC show "The Son". At first he just talks about the show at every opportunity, but soon he's acting like a crazed oil baron from the 1800s, talking in a bizarre hybrid of an English and Texas accent, threatening anyone who disagrees with him, and reminiscing about when he ambushed and scalped several Texas Rangers. At first Dwight ignores Jim's bizarre behavior, assuming its a prank, but as months path he becomes more concerned as Jim slowly merges with the Eli character: there is no more Jim, the floppy haired paper salesman who likes to prank his coworkers and flirt with the secretary, there is only Jim, the grizzled, angry oilman whose first and last instinct is to use violence to solve his problems. The rest of the office is oblivious to the transformation other than Pam, who sinks into a deep depression and drinks heavily at her desk. Things culminate when, during a contentious sitdown with a rival salesman from Staples, Jim draws a pistol, shoots the salesman in the chest, and then proceeds to scalp him while Dwight watches as horror. Jim turns and proudly presents his trophy to the camera, grinning, as the picture shakes as the now terrified cameraman realizes he's next. No witnesses. In an unrelated incident Meredith is sent to the hospital.
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Jul 16, 2021 02:20
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Pam blacks Jim's eye and Jim shows up to work with caked on makeup to hide the signs of abuse. Dwight recognizes the telltale signs of abuse and offers for Jim to stay at his house if he needs to get away from Pam for a while. Jim declines the invitation, saying that Pam is "getting better." As the years go on, Dwight watches Jim deteriorate from a vibrant, intelligent person to a sad husk of what he once was. Pam restricts Jim's personal relationships, and one by one he is cut off from his former friends and even his family. One day, they hear that Pam has murdered Jim in a drunken rage. Dwight is haunted for the rest of his life by the things he should have said and done when he knew the abuse was going on. Jim, who wasn't really murdered but is just hiding out at his house, mugs the camera as he plays videogames and lives off the proceeds of his fraudulently-collected life insurance policy. Applewhite fucked around with this message at 02:32 on Jul 16, 2021 |
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Jul 16, 2021 02:29
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While tending a remote lighthouse, Jim constantly berates Dwight and gives him ceaseless hard, toiling work. They are stuck on the island for weeks on end while an interminable storm keeps them isolated on the island. Dwight captures a brief glance of Jim standing naked in front of the light, giving him questions about Jim's sanity. When Dwight idly mentions that he doesn't like Jim's cooking, Jim stands and shouts: "Let Neptune strike ye dead, Dwight! Haaaaark! Hark, Triton! Hark! Bellow, bid our father, the sea king, rise from the depths, full foul in his fury, black waves teeming with salt-foam, to smother this young mouth with pungent slime to choke ye, engorging your organs till ye turn blue and bloated with bilge and brine and can scream no more only when he, crowned in cockle shells with slithering tentacled tail and steaming beard, take up his fell, be-finnèd arm — his coral-tined trident screeches banshee-like in the tempest and plunges right through yer gullet, bursting ye, a bulging bladder no more, but a blasted bloody film now — a nothing for the Harpies and the souls of dead sailors to peck and claw and feed upon only to be lapped up and swallowed by the infinite waters of the dread emperor himself forgotten to any man, to any time, forgotten to any god or devil, forgotten even to the sea for any stuff or part of Dwight, even any scantling of your soul, is Dwight no more, but is now itself the sea!" Jim mugs the black and white camera
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Jul 16, 2021 04:31
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meredith is taken from the hospital and driven to another, larger hospital
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Jul 16, 2021 11:48
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Inexplicable Humblebrag posted:meredith is taken from the hospital and driven to another, larger hospital That can’t be good.
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Jul 16, 2021 12:13
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Dwight wins a 15 foot long party sub from a local sub shop and brings it into the office, planning to share it with everyone for lunch. When he goes into the kitchen he finds Jim eating the entire thing by himself. Jim, stomach bulging, says that he doesn't feel too good. When Dwight says it's because he ate almost 9 feet of sandwich by himself, Jim correct him and says "No, more like 30 feet. Michael also brought one in today." Jim vomits all over the kitchen floor and Dwight, to his horror, sees tiny fleshy things moving in it. He looks over and sees that his party sub is actually untouched. When he asks Jim what he's eating, Jim says "Wait, this is my sub. Sorry." and then pukes up more of the tiny fleshy creatures while mugging for the camera.
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Jul 16, 2021 14:03
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Jim invites Dwight to go on a cruise in his homemade submarine.
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Jul 16, 2021 14:39
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Jim sneaks into Dwight's house at night and paints Dwight in blackface then steals all Dwight's mirrors including in his car. The next morning while driving to work Dwight gets pulled over but the cop just chuckles and says "today's your lucky day brother" and flashes the OK white power hand signal.
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Jul 16, 2021 18:46
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Jim licks his finger and walks behind Dwight and shoves his finger into Dwight's ear, then gives him an Indian rug burn and then shoves his head into a toilet. Then he, uhh, kills dwight
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Jul 16, 2021 18:48
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Jim comes to work in a clown costume and tries to juggle. But like, something weird. He’s juggling, uh, chainsaws, yes that works. Jim is juggling chainsaws dressed as a clown while telling Meredith about something… this isn’t working at all. Jim kills Dwight with one of the chainsaws.
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Jul 16, 2021 19:19
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poisonpill posted:Jim comes to work in a clown costume and tries to juggle. But like, something weird. He’s juggling, uh, chainsaws, yes that works. Jim is juggling chainsaws dressed as a clown while telling Meredith about something… this isn’t working at all. Jim kills Dwight with one of the chainsaws. lol, "fun pranks for jim to play on dwight" is back baby
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Jul 16, 2021 19:46
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Who What Now posted:Jim just straight up full force kicks Dwight in the nards. You just got nard-dogged!!
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Jul 16, 2021 20:11
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"Meredith is down in sickbay, barely clinging to life," announces Dwight, gravely. "That bucket of water balanced over the door to the hydroponics bay nearly killed her." *Cut to shot of Meredith on forced air in a futuristic hospital bed* *Cut back to meeting room* "Someone on this ship... is a prankster!" Dwight casts his eyes suspiciously around the room. "It could be any one of us," says Jim. "Who do you think it is?" "I don't know, but I have my suspicions." Dwight's gaze lingers on Oscar. Jim mugs to the red eye of the ship's computer.
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Jul 17, 2021 15:35
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Jim spends nights and weekends learning some programming and taking up basic game design. Once he feels confident enough, he installs and mounts his latest project into a MAME cabinet he's hand built and painted. It looks and plays wonderfully. At it's unveiling at the office, Jim clubs Dwight into submission and stuffs him into 'Balloon Boy', his magnum opus and ode to classic Donkey Kong. At lunch a fully grown silver back gorilla bursts into the office and tears apart the cabinet, killing Dwight in the process.
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Jul 17, 2021 15:59
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Jim inflicts direct physical violence upon Dwight. “This is completely out of character for me.”, he remarks as he mugs the camera.
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Jul 17, 2021 18:04
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Dwight let out a long sigh of relief, the man looking down over Michael's headless torso. He didn't truly remember what led him down this chain of events; the only thought rolling through his head was "the pranks need to end, the pranks need to end". Rolling out his former "superior's" chair before taking his rightful place, he gazed out into the parking lot with a cathartic smirk; now there was no one to deflect Jim's ceaseless pranks and jokes. Slow clapping drew his attention, slowly spinning around towards the smug form of his nemesis who closed the door behind him. Dwight caught the glimpse of the B-team sales trio throwing cheeseballs into each others' mouths; the old him would have rolled his eyes at the waste of time and wondered how it was possible they could catch every single cheese ball, that it looked almost fake...but now, he only giggled. The assistant to the deceased regional manager tossed Michael's head towards Jim, that smile only curling upwards with every passing second. "Looks like he did have some brains, after all," he chuckled. Jim showed no reaction, as though he had expected all of this. After looking over Michael's head for a couple seconds, his smudge lips parted. "Took you long enough." Dwight's expression shifted slightly..."Long enough? Come on, Jim, no one could have seen this happening!" A shake of the head, Jim spoke. "You're right. That's why I'm here. I was sent back in time to take you down, before you took the reins of Dunder Mifflin and expanded your goals. But I couldn't just do it and leave. Time travel's one way. Had to make you snap. More time passed, the more desperate I became. You think I did all those stupid pranks on you for fun? " Dwight's lips quivered, a sinking feeling in his stomach; he never would have done any of this if Jim's onslaught of pranks didn't happen! He was a good law abiding man..."You're such an idiot, Jim. No one could hold all that pressure in for so long and just not explode!" With a chuckle, Jim tossed Michael's head back to Dwight, police sirens barely audible in the background. Michael's eyes opened wide and gazed into his former best friend's, lips parting with that familiar expression of a joker. "I acquit." Jim mugs at the security camera in Michael's office.
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Jul 17, 2021 18:33
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Jul 17, 2021 19:33
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Jim clicks his pen repeatedly. This mildly annoys Dwight, who is too proud to admit that the noise bothers him or make a fuss about.
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Jul 17, 2021 20:55
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Jim sucks his pen seductively, flashing bedroom eyes at Dwight. Dwight refuses to react, but when he goes home that night he masturbates to the memory of Jim’s face sucking the pen and hates himself for it. He starts sobbing but can’t stop jerking off. Hot tears of shame stream down his cheeks. Jim, watching through Dwight’s window from atop a ladder, smirks.
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Jul 17, 2021 23:04
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Jim asks Dwight to pull his finger. Dwight does so, and shits his pants. Jim smiles at the camera.
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Jul 17, 2021 23:08
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Jim forces Dwight to watch his dogshit Benghazi movie and that Jack Ryan series he did where he thanked the CIA for being so cool. Dwight has to spend the whole day assuring Jim he's 'totally believable as an action lead'.
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Jul 17, 2021 23:14
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jim badshags dwight
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Jul 17, 2021 23:51
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Jim continues to hand in invoices stapled by hand, rather than in binders as repeatedly requested by Dwight. Worse still, Jim is stapling them unevenly and improperly. Dwight suspects this is on purpose.
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Jul 18, 2021 03:08
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Jim asks to borrow Dwight's pen for a second, but he doesn't give it back. He does this a few more times over the day. At the end of the day, when Dwight needs to write a phone order down really quickly, he's out of pens. He gestures to Jim, who looks up from a pile of pens arranged in a pentagram. Jim appears to be praying, and his eyes are pitch black. Shaken, Dwight turns around and borrows one from Stanley.
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Jul 18, 2021 03:15
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Dwight announces that his psych eval came back Neurodivergent. Oscar congratulates him for beginning a journey of discovery, and the rest of the Scranton staff is very understanding. A month later, Jim calls an emergency office meeting to reveal that he is on the Barkley-Allan Jester Spectrum. Dwight quietly seethes as Jim describes his "Huge case of BAlJS, just massive". Pam, dressed as a chicken, explains that Jim's incessant pranking is a way to deal with the chaotic nature of life which causes him great distresses. Dwight confronts Jim in front of everyone, asking to see the proof. Jim mugs the camera as he asks if "Dwight really want to see [his] BAlJS". Dwight returns the next day and successfully sues the branch for creating a hostile environment.
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Jul 18, 2021 03:24
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Jim traps Dwight inside Donkey Kong. Dwight discovers there’s a whole world inside the game that’s almost indistinguishable from ours minus the ongoing battle between Mario and a gorilla. Somebody had to build that building and manufacture those barrels after all. Dwight goes and lives in the Scranton inside the game and resumes his normal life as a paper salesman at Dunder Kong. There’s even a Jim there (Jim Man) who occasionally pranks him. A year passes and he gradually forgets he’s in a game until he’s sharply reminded one day when Jim Man snaps and brings a super hammer to work, smashing everyone. Dwight dies in agony as Jim Man pummels him to death. Back in the real world, the camera watches over Jim’s shoulder as he controls Jim Man’s rampage. He mashes the “smirk” button.
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Jul 19, 2021 14:18
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A mysterious man wearing a metal mask shows up at Dunder Mifflin, asking to speak to Dwight in private. Dwight agrees, hoping this might lead to a lucrative paper contract. Instead, the man tells a strange story. Hundreds of years ago, Earth diverged along two parallel timelines. Each alternate Earth created its own history, with major differences in each. On the stranger's Earth, the British won the Revolutionary War. Nazis won World War 2. The United States is known as the Incorporated Colonies of the Third Reich, and Supreme General Jeb Bush rules with an iron fist. But, he explains, the most important difference is why he's here. In his world, there's a paper company known as Mifflin-Dunder. The two best paper salesmen are Dwight Schrute and Jim Halpert. And one of those salesmen went too far with a prank, a prank so dangerous and chaotic that it destroyed this alternate Earth and now threatens Dwight's Earth. The masked man removes his mask, revealing himself to be Jim Halpert (although one with a streak of white hair and covered in scars) and asks Dwight for his help. He explains that on his Earth, Dwight learned to channel pure chaos energy and destroyed the planet, then moved on to prank all life in the Universe. His final prank on Jim was to send him to the alternate Earth, to watch in horror as that planet was also destroyed. But it's time to change destiny, he explains, by working together to stop Dwight. Dwight agrees and asks what needs to be done. However, as Alternate-Jim is about to speak, regular Jim comes into the break room. "Woah! Who's this handsome piece of poo poo?" he says, then slaps Alternate-Jim in the face. "No, you can't! We're not supposed to --" Alternate Jim never finishes his sentence as both Jims disappear. There's a booming noise as air rushes to fill the vacuum where they once stood. Dwight is left alone. For a moment, he wonders if this was simply a prank of Jim's. However, as he sits back at his desk he hears a cracking noise outside. He looks into the sky and sees giant red veins pulsing, entangled in the sky itself. Suddenly, the veins start spraying a red liquid. A bit of it hits the window Dwight is looking out of. He thinks he recognizes it, so he takes a risk and places his finger in it. Bringing it to his nose, he smells it. Beet juice, he thinks to himself. Dwight supposes he would use beet juice in a prank, if it came to that. Jim would mug for the camera, if he still existed.
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Jul 19, 2021 14:48
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Dwight, depressed and with nothing to live for after years of pranks have taken everything from him, stands on the ledge of a bridge on a dark Christmas night. “Wait!” shouts Jim, as he rushes out of the fog. “Let me show you what the world would be like if you never existed!” Dwight is taken to a world where Dunder Mifflin’s profits grew so much year after year that they became the sole office supply company in the world. With the profits, they bought a nascent Amazon and now control all online shopping. All the old crew at the Scranton branch are now IPO millionaires and living happy, fulfilling lives. Dwight thinks about how his existence has robbed those closest of him of this paradise and jumps. As he falls to his death, Dwight hears Jim calling to him: “Oh, wait! I accidentally showed you a world where I never existed! Whoops!”
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Jul 19, 2021 15:00
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| # ? May 14, 2024 14:04 |
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Dwight has a dream all his teeth are falling out. He wakes up to discover his mouth is full of blood. Jim is standing over him, holding one of Dwight's molars in a pair of bloody pliers. "It's just a prank, Dwight!" laughs Jim.
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Jul 19, 2021 16:28
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