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"So you're saying this isn't India?" "No Mr Columbo" "That makes sense that makes sense, oh one more thing" |
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Jul 27, 2021 08:19
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Armitag3 posted:"So you're saying this isn't India?" lol |
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Jul 27, 2021 14:01
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*wiping the sweat from my brow* People look down on my job at the puppy mill, but I say, it's a good honest job what gives me a good honest paycheck *guides giant vat of molten puppy over to the molds, pours it into one that reads GOLDEN RETRIEVER* |
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Jul 28, 2021 21:40
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The happy world of haricot. |
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Jul 28, 2021 21:47
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Code Jockey posted:*wiping the sweat from my brow* People look down on my job at the puppy mill, but I say, it's a good honest job what gives me a good honest paycheck "So what is your job here?" "I smelt the dogs' butts" "what" "what" |
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Jul 28, 2021 22:01
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google THIS posted:"So what is your job here?" lol *holds hat in his hands and looks at the floor* My daddy and his daddy worked at this mill for their whole lives. The fluff-lung took them both. We got respirators now, but that don't bring daddy and granddaddy back." |
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Jul 28, 2021 23:26
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haricots verts implies the existence of haricots street
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Jul 28, 2021 23:30
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more falafel please posted:haricots verts implies the existence of haricots street 
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Jul 29, 2021 02:00
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more falafel please posted:haricots verts implies the existence of haricots street
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Jul 29, 2021 13:59
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beanihana
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Jul 29, 2021 14:00
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naming a cat “Jason Mews”
Gluehead posted:i met snow at a restaurant once and i was like 'man, informer is a really good song!' and he just looked up from the bowl of french onion soup he was eating, mouthed the words 'gently caress off' and then he gave me the finger twice with boths hands, then crossed the two fingers to make a cross and aimed it at me |
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Jul 29, 2021 16:07
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more falafel please posted:haricots verts implies the existence of haricots street i don't get this one, can someone help me out |
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Jul 29, 2021 16:14
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frump truck posted:i don't get this one, can someone help me out In sports like skateboarding and bmx and stuff, verts (vertical) is big half-pipe stuff, and street is a flat course of boxes and rails and ramps etc. |
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Jul 29, 2021 16:16
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Finger Prince posted:In sports like skateboarding and bmx and stuff, verts (vertical) is big half-pipe stuff, and street is a flat course of boxes and rails and ramps etc. thanks!!! now I enjoy it |
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Jul 29, 2021 16:19
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now I want to see a picture of a green bean doing a sick 900
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Jul 29, 2021 16:31
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A local medical school hosts a weekly amateur event called Open Mike Night |
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Jul 29, 2021 16:48
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a martial arts student trying to report educational abuse to some bewildered government employee because their master left them in a magical kung-fu forest for a month without even a single protective talisman
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Jul 29, 2021 17:15
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Code Jockey posted:A local medical school hosts a weekly amateur event called Open Mike Night how does mike feel about that?
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Jul 29, 2021 17:47
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more falafel please posted:how does mike feel about that? he keeps telling the amateur surgeons "knife to meet you", I think he's enjoying it |
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Jul 29, 2021 18:08
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Code Jockey posted:A local medical school hosts a weekly amateur event called Open Mike Night "What is the deal with (holds something up) this organ, am I right? I mean do we really even nee-" BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE "Hmm, guess so" |
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Jul 29, 2021 18:14
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Yinlock posted:a martial arts student trying to report educational abuse to some bewildered government employee because their master left them in a magical kung-fu forest for a month without even a single protective talisman Sorry bud this is out of my field. You'll need to make a report to the official ombudsman for enchantment, mysticism and sacred precints. The thing is, to get there you need cimb a mountain of red tape... literally. |
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Jul 29, 2021 20:24
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google THIS posted:"What is the deal with (holds something up) this organ, am I right? I mean do we really even nee-" BEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE "Hmm, guess so" "Hey folks, any of you like to drink?" *raucous cheers from crowd, hooting* *I pull Mike's liver out and examine it* "So did he! Cirrhosis much? I'm telling you, this guy's liver looks like he rented it from Andre the Giant! Get me some sauteed onions, this liver is fried!" Mike: "I'm right here man, come on" |
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Jul 29, 2021 20:34
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A wealthy industrialist creates a suit of power armour to fight evil and insists on using it himself despite being completely incompetent as a superhero and refuses to let anyone else use it because "it's my property". |
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Jul 29, 2021 21:16
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call logs from the irony poison control center
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Jul 30, 2021 01:15
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The new and horrifying horror movie trope. Clown Nuns. |
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Jul 30, 2021 05:11
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playing the "gradually say 'penis' louder and louder starting from a whisper" game, but I'm the only one doing it, I'm 38 years old, and this is a board meeting full of high ranking executives and my peers |
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Jul 30, 2021 07:00
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Code Jockey posted:playing the "gradually say 'penis' louder and louder starting from a whisper" game, but I'm the only one doing it, I'm 38 years old, and this is a board meeting full of high ranking executives and my peers The CEO eventually wins when he yells "Johnson!" at you when you get too loud |
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Jul 30, 2021 07:30
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if god not want we eat human why he give them such delicious head? |
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Aug 1, 2021 01:43
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Prurient Squid posted:if god not want we eat human why he give them such delicious head? 
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Aug 1, 2021 02:20
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your superhero power is your wallet but you only make $35,000 per year |
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Aug 1, 2021 03:35
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Common video game conventions as chronic diseases Shopkeeper Leg, where your body vanishes from the waist down. Afflicts retail workers, bartenders, and other people with jobs where the lower half of their body isn't generally visible. Not sure if this means it's invisible or if it literally doesn't exist and you just hover in midair somehow. Protagonist Camera, where you end up perceiving everything in third-person from a point hovering in midair above and to the south of you Accessible design expands to include concepts like "don't put light switches on north-facing walls". "Isn't the sunset beautiful today?" "I can't see it...I have protagonist camera." FPSitis, where you lose the ability to perceive your own body. |
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Aug 4, 2021 20:30
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A gardening advice column but all the questions are about absurd situations brought about by being too successful at gardening "My sunchokes have grown so large they are literally blotting out the sun and the neighbors are starting to complain. How can I encourage them to grow in a way that's more neighbor-friendly without stunting them?" "I planted a bottle gourd squash plant and now it's taken over the entire yard, and it's starting to develop primitive tools to dismantle the shed. I was planning to get rid of the shed anyways, but now I'm wondering how to preserve approximately half a tonne of squashes -- I'd give them away but I'm no longer speaking to the neighbors after the sunchoke incident." "My raspberries are proving so popular with the local wildlife that they appear to have incited a war between the birds and the squirrels; I saw the squirrels assembling an antiaircraft battery in my front lawn this morning and the birds have responded by dropping leaflets promising to 'napalm the entire loving block before they let those bushy-tailed nut-humpers steal another goddamn berry'. I think this is too much for me to handle; can you recommend a landscaping company with expertise in high-stakes negotiations and de-escalation of hostilities?" |
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Aug 4, 2021 20:37
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the drummer for The Offspring has been removed from the band for not getting his Covid shot I guess they had to keep him separated |
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Aug 4, 2021 22:14
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alt-left infowars-style new shows where the presenter is screaming mad that the chemicals the government in the water aren't making frogs gay enough. |
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Aug 4, 2021 22:48
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ToxicFrog posted:Common video game conventions as chronic diseases Only being rendered in full detail when someone is observing you within 100 feet and otherwise being an abstract, polygonal, and untextured approximation of a person. |
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Aug 5, 2021 13:37
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Wanna empty quote this whole page. ToxicFrog posted:Common video game conventions as chronic diseases FMV. During some high stress or emotional situations such as a nearby explosion, a school's big dance, or an interesting person entering the room for the first time, people with FMV enter a disassociative state in which they behave normally, but feel like they have no control over their own actions and are watching from some distance. This may include flashbacks to other FMV events and often ends in a blackout. Some find that they can voluntarily 'skip' the experience and wake with no memory of the events that took place after FMV was triggered. |
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Aug 5, 2021 21:08
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A sketch that is about a benevolent spirit that is a high school AV cart with a VHS of Shrek or W/E And it stalks you and shows up at opportune times to try and cheer you up Person 1: "I think we should see other people" Person 2 :"John I've felt the same way, but...but you've been such a rock in my life, I don't know how I'm Gunna live without you..." *Squeak squeak squeak* *Faint All star by smash mouth* Both persons: "Yaaaaaaaayyy!" |
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Aug 5, 2021 22:00
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a follow up sketch, our protagonist is agonizing over a test coming up the next day they didn't study, and they're this close to repeating the 8th grade  they show up to school the next day, and who is at the front of the class... but a sub, and the AV cart! "Sorry kids, your teacher had a mysterious accident last night, so today we're going to watch Shrek. You were scheduled for a test today, but I guess that'll happen whenever your teacher comes back..." The VCR LCD display shows a smiling face, and it winks at the protag |
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Aug 5, 2021 22:16
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ToxicFrog posted:Common video game conventions as chronic diseases Patroller's Short Term Memory Loss, where if you don't see or hear an object or person for five consecutive seconds you mutter in frustration and forget it ever existed. |
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Aug 6, 2021 02:22
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| # ? May 25, 2024 23:35 |
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ToxicFrog posted:"My sunchokes have grown so large they are literally blotting out the sun and the neighbors are starting to complain. How can I encourage them to grow in a way that's more neighbor-friendly without stunting them?" TIL sunchokes are real |
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Aug 6, 2021 04:40
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