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As I noted, skeletons are fine for grunt work but DO NOT expect them to handle fine detail work. But yes, it is very satisfying to see the skeleton of my former rival (Torr-bar the Great) installing some new carpeting in my grand hallway.
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Aug 5, 2021 14:06
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Just go down to your nearest medium sized town, kidnap some skilled tradesmen, and then bond their souls to an empty golem shell or suit of armor or honestly anything that's inert and vaguely human shaped. Sure, a few will not survive the bonding process or will immediately try to strike you down out of rage, but most will serve you out of fear, and occasionally you get the guy who is actually excited to become an immortal nigh indestructible being who gets to work on badass fortresses and palaces instead of being forced to patch lovely little hovels and wooden stake walls until he dies of consumption. It works so much better than necromancy, really. Just don't put an unwilling soul into anything you might have trouble putting down.
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Aug 5, 2021 14:26
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the problem with skelentons is you have to be REALLY SPECIFIC with instructions. like I chucked some guys shovels and said “dig a hole!” and forgot about em for a bit, came back and they’d hollowed out half a mountain. also if you don’t supervise closely, skellentons morph every construction project into a dungeon. like, wooden beams, stone floors, spikes, chains, skulls- where are they getting the skulls from?? I’ve got a whole skull cathedral down there, I just wanted a latrine pit. I almost feel bad pooping into it. and why would the skeleton of a guy who died in a dungeon want to build more dungeons, you’d think they’d be anti-dungeon.
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Aug 5, 2021 14:43
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Zombies are better labor force for dark wizards, they never even try to unionize unlike the skeletons, bonegolems and minor liches
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Aug 5, 2021 14:48
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Colonel Cancer posted:Zombies are better labor force for dark wizards, they never even try to unionize unlike the skeletons, bonegolems and minor liches This happened to Narpholet the Unspeakable Evil. That flesh golem for a wizard had used minor liches as crew bosses and he had to deal with challenges to his throne every single day. Ran though a ton of evil essence having to respawn work force. And btw, “Narpholet the Unspeakable Evil”, like I JUST said your name, it’s right there in the title, are or aren’t you unspeakable?
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Aug 5, 2021 15:27
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I prefer my goblins, i give them jobs so they can support thier families and safety from all the dick hole adventurers who just see them as free XP. Goblins also have chances of upward enhancements. Some become warbosses to direct the troops, some can become dark shamans and wizards themselves. Just the other day I heard Sherdirx the Wretched tainted some ancient holy grounds. He got his start in my dungeon. 
Hihohe fucked around with this message at 15:35 on Aug 5, 2021 |
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Aug 5, 2021 15:28
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That's not very dark wizardly of you, are you sure you haven't wandered into the wrong dungeon 
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Aug 5, 2021 15:31
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Listen here you edgelord I might not be the "Muahaha twiddle my mustache" kind of dark wizard but i still disrupt the so called forces of good. I just make their subjects question whether or not on the right side I got tired of all the "you have failed me for the last time" stuff, so now i treat my minions with some respect and it pays dividends. I ve saved time and money on brainwashing rituals and pressgangey operations. I put that into healthcare and pto and now the goblins come to me to join up. I dont have to spend time conquering the western tribes one at a time like i used to. In short, if your going for sapient minions, treat them well and theyll treat you well.
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Aug 5, 2021 17:06
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Hihohe posted:Listen here you edgelord err, yeah so think you may have had a change of ALIGNMENT there friend have you been fighting a lot of paladins lately? they might have BLESSED you because that all sounds like LAWFUL NEUTRAL behavior which we all know is a slippery slope to LAWFUL GOOD also re: goblins, if you get more than 100 one will usually become a Goblin Big Boss and expect preferential treatment. At 500 they recruit a Bog Wench who starts talking about Union Benefits. And at 1000 they elect a King Goblin and stop listening to you entirely
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Aug 5, 2021 20:14
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That's why you always make an example of them whenever they fail you, you got to keep it under 100 sapient henchmen (and in an environment of constant paranoia and backstabbing) at any time or they try to organize
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Aug 5, 2021 20:18
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im not a dark wizard or anything but like, so i've been a hedonist-school Sorcerer all my life but in the past i dunno five years i've been trying to get buff so i've been gaining levels in Ranger right? well i gained too many and now all these wild animals keep coming up to me trying to be my friend! what the gently caress!! dogs, chickens, deer, goats... i started as an urban ranger subtype so i can't form an animal companion bond, and i never put any points into animal empathy because i figured i don't need it, so now i can't explain this to them or tell them to go away or anything. it's a huge pain in the rear end! dear druids, how do i get the local wildlife to step the gently caress back. i've tried almost everything except having my familiar talk to them, because my familiar type is Crow and there are no crows in this region so i can't bind a familiar here and aaaaaaaugh!!!!
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Aug 5, 2021 20:25
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Fur20 posted:im not a dark wizard or anything but like, so i've been a hedonist-school Sorcerer all my life but in the past i dunno five years i've been trying to get buff so i've been gaining levels in Ranger right? well it sounds like you’ve set yourself to be able to SEDUCE, ANIMALS and while this may be an evil thread there are some thing we just can’t condone
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Aug 5, 2021 20:34
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please don't misunderstand... my situation is more like some disney princess dealio where they just come up to you and expect you to start singing about being yourself or some poo poo so they can prance along to it. my hidden atelier isn't going to stay a hidden atelier if the animal density keeps deforesting the space around my hut. this is an ultra-accelerated tragedy of the commons!!
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Aug 5, 2021 21:10
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Corner the sausage in a bun industry by having literally free meat. I suggest starting with a few goblin employees before expanding further.
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Aug 5, 2021 21:21
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Do NOT put goblins in your sausages, not even a mortal human would purchase such a foul concoction.
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Aug 11, 2021 06:32
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Anybody know how to get Dragon's Blood out of velvet? I freaking spilled this crap all over my good robe and it's not washing out at all.
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Aug 11, 2021 14:28
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How should I deal with the local villagers? They are catching on to the years of one of them mysteriously disappearing every other month.
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Aug 11, 2021 14:42
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Colonel Cancer posted:Corner the sausage in a bun industry by having literally free meat. I suggest starting with a few goblin employees before expanding further. I knew a guy who tried this with Trolls and the sausages kept regenerating into complete trolls. The Trolls kept fighting over which one of them was the “real” Troll it was a mess. Also the Trolls kept eating the sausages and then pooping and new trolls would regenerate from the poop, just Trolls running amuck pooping whole new trolls out all over the place. Human Resources kept insisting that the new Trolls were employees now and they had legal rights and should be put on payroll, until their lawyer pointed out they weren’t Human and they turned the lawyer and HR dept into sausages
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Aug 11, 2021 14:49
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Yvershek posted:How should I deal with the local villagers? They are catching on to the years of one of them mysteriously disappearing every other month. have you tried tricking them into thinking the problem is already solved? Take a few of the dead villagers’ things/corpses, and chuck ‘em in a nearby cave or ruins or whatnot with a semi-powerful but ultimately conquerable “boss” monster. Let a couple of sightings happen, and when some adventurers inevitably come along to destroy it everyone involved will be too busy congratulating themselves for having “vanquished the foe” and “restored normality” to stay vigilant and/or investigate further. you can buy yourself decades, even centuries with this method before any mortal even starts to catch on, it’s great
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Aug 11, 2021 17:08
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ok so, you know how I have that (accidental) infinite dungeon full of skeletons that I lure adventuring parties into? and how they are ultimately defeated and they then become the skeletons? so I’ve done some mental math and, like every adventurer probably crunches dozens, hundreds, of skeletons before going down. so um, where are all the skeletons coming from?? I think I might have accidentally taped into the Elemental Plane of Skeletons where everything is Skeleton
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Aug 15, 2021 02:11
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You can't selectively breed dragons down to anything smaller than horse size. Believe me on this. You can breed them with especially short snouts though. They struggle to breathe and cant breathe fire, but they can still fly alright. Very docile by nature. They make for good mounts that way. I once bred a semi-amphibious one once. Could survive underwater for upwards for 4 hours. Terrible throat cancer though, right at puberty. Not worth it in the end.
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Aug 15, 2021 02:20
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naem posted:ok so, you know how I have that (accidental) infinite dungeon full of skeletons that I lure adventuring parties into? Dude, you're sleep raising the skeletons. It's really common actually in some Necromancers who have raised 1k plus skeletons. Trust me, there is no Elemental Plane of Skeletons. If there was, we'd be conjurers, not necromancers.
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Aug 15, 2021 02:25
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Yvershek posted:How should I deal with the local villagers? They are catching on to the years of one of them mysteriously disappearing every other month. Personally, I deal with this problem by simply not making GBS threads where I eat. The locals think I'm just some eccentric hermit, and I just come out to heal a sick child or cow once every few months. I just teleport using my moon gates to whatever location I feel like terrorizing that night, usually on another continent. I usually feign a limp and a cough to really sell the "completely harmless" bit.
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Aug 15, 2021 02:30
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naem posted:I knew a guy who tried this with Trolls and the sausages kept regenerating into complete trolls. Uh bud troll resources is one door down the hall. Just keep going until you see a big mossy troll with a club beating the lesser trolls into submission.
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Aug 15, 2021 03:47
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naem posted:trolls are classic dungeon monsters, orks and goblins are classic minions but personally I’ve learned to avoid them, a little too much chaos for me. You’re a dark wizard. You can neutralize a Union by not just corrupting the Union, but by corrupting the entire labor oversight process. Compel the steward to be a spineless puppet then plant minions and summoned allies to pervert the labor boards. Pretty soon those orcs will be 1) so disgusted by the corruption they’ll dissolve collective bargaining or 2) be totally ignorant and you'll a grift a fortune of dues into your coffers. When the well runs dry get them to do a suicide mission. Widows and beneficiaries will powerless to fight unpaid renumeration. Not exactly all magic but it’s great if you’re thing is feeding off the misery and despair of those around you.
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Aug 15, 2021 04:44
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I put on my robe and wizard hat.
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Aug 15, 2021 05:07
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unsure whether to specialise into becoming a dick wizard, a vagician or a grundlemancer
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Aug 15, 2021 05:18
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Can you stand living, breathing, eating, sleeping dick wizardry 24/7? People love it as a hobby but when it becomes their job the joy disappears.
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Aug 15, 2021 05:22
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If you really want to be a master if the dark arts you will follow the way of the goat lord, Kirk.
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Aug 15, 2021 05:51
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Yvershek posted:How should I deal with the local villagers? They are catching on to the years of one of them mysteriously disappearing every other month. Villages can be complicated. They all know each other. Mysterious disappearances and mysterious appearances are all very obvious. Big, dense urban areas are way better hunting grounds. Focus on people who no one will miss, or people who are just passing through on a leg of a potentially dangerous journey. Don't go into it with a "Village=Easy, City=Hard!" mindset. Villages love to work themselves into a torching, pitchforking frenzy. You can use the remote, isolated nature of a village to keep it in thrall, slowly replace the populace with your own people/creatures, or leave it too frightened to act against you, though.
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Aug 15, 2021 07:18
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Yvershek posted:How should I deal with the local villagers? They are catching on to the years of one of them mysteriously disappearing every other month. Easy, you appeal to their superstitious side. Villagers are huge rubes who'll do anything out of some misbegotten "tradition," so all you have to do is foster a new tradition. Leave the villagers alone for a year or two. The disappearances stop. And then in the dead of night, slip in and start blighting their crops. Nothing hugely drastic, you want these people to not totally starve, but enough to really freak them out. Then you put on your rambling forest hermit wise man costume and start pontificating about how the ~*harvest spirits*~ are displeased with the lack of sacrifices. Bing bang boom, the town will start offering you regular offerings of whatever useless oafs they can spare, hog-tied up for you in some forest glade.
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Aug 15, 2021 15:14
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https://m.youtube.com/watch?v=CjQKFoUdk4g
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Aug 15, 2021 15:29
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Hihohe posted:I got tired of all the "you have failed me for the last time" stuff, so now i treat my minions with some respect and it pays dividends. I ve saved time and money on brainwashing rituals and pressgangey operations. I put that into healthcare and pto and now the goblins come to me to join up. I dont have to spend time conquering the western tribes one at a time like i used to. gently caress is this hippie bullSHIT?!?!? Verily I say that for every minion this so-called wizard won't torment, i'm gonna transmogrify three into a flesh golem. And not the nice kind of flesh either!
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Aug 15, 2021 16:07
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Mooey Cow posted:gently caress is this hippie bullSHIT?!?!? Verily I say that for every minion this so-called wizard won't torment, i'm gonna transmogrify three into a flesh golem. And not the nice kind of flesh either! Happy minions are productive minions. When you give them the opportunity to grow and spread their tattered bat wings via a proper mentorship program, Evil prospers. I have graduated toxic wizards, twisted sorcerers, and an entire coven of blight witches out of my ranks and into the world. They all learned at my feet, and are one of my many legacies to this Plane. Do I need to occasionally crush an insurrection every couple of centuries? Absolutely, but their ambition needs to be nurtured. Without it the skies would be clear, the sun would shine bright, and crops would be plentiful. secular woods sex fucked around with this message at 00:47 on Aug 16, 2021 |
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Aug 16, 2021 00:37
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FOOL! Evil is not to preferred for evil's sake. It is a tool to an end. You speak like a Paladin, spreading whatever idiocy is virtue this week. Sometimes doing good is the best way forward. Why, I have been helping the local yokels by giving them industrial techniques while teaching them some complex Arabic mathematics for the last few hundred years and now they are slaves to the number, manipulated with ease.
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Aug 16, 2021 08:55
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Weka posted:FOOL! Evil is not to preferred for evil's sake. It is a tool to an end. You speak like a Paladin, spreading whatever idiocy is virtue this week. Sometimes doing good is the best way forward. Why, I have been helping the local yokels by giving them industrial techniques while teaching them some complex Arabic mathematics for the last few hundred years and now they are slaves to the number, manipulated with ease. I too have cast "nUmBeR gO uP" curse on what I THOUGHT was a small population and unholy poo poo was I shocked when I realized I had entire city-states in thrall
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Aug 16, 2021 15:24
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These guys get it. How am i supposed to build an empire to tear down the forces of good if evil never prospers through its own cultivation. Am i just supposed to wait for the next goblin warlord to show up at my throne and lead my troops and destroy the Forest of Radiant Light? Hihohe fucked around with this message at 21:26 on Aug 16, 2021 |
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Aug 16, 2021 21:22
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Hey now fellas! We have a classic “chaotic evil” vs “lawful evil” argument going on here, we’ve seen it all before. As a “neutral evil” I will as usual step in and broker peace, while quietly undermining you both of course
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Aug 16, 2021 21:31
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Broker peace huh? Everyone! We got a filthy do-gooder over here!
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Aug 16, 2021 23:57
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Peace is good if it involves submitting to my rule.
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Aug 17, 2021 00:02
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