The 5000 Page Thread: The 500 Cats Thread

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(Thread IKs: bagmonkey)

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Summary of XCOM Day 1 Activity

The roster of 1000 page thread soldiers grows. We have many wounded at the moment, but somehow nobody has actually died, so it's going pretty well. There are now too many names to fit on one screen. Below this are, I think, Duck Fat and Waterbed Wendy. It's still early in the game, we have not done the black site yet.

(Note: "nicknames" are not available until the rank of Sergeant. If a soldier comes with a nickname, it can't be changed until then.)

XCOM's current ranking field officer is the man himself, Tip "One Grand" Pages. Our fearless OP leads the troops in the thread and in the game!

He has however, been somewhat seriously wounded in the last fight and will be out commission for two weeks. Beyond him, we have three sergeants ready lead the troopers, and we also have two bonded pairs!

Soldiers that go on missions together have a chance to bond. Doing so gives them abilities and bonuses when fighting together, so you're encourage to create these and then keep bonded soldiers together. Each soldier can only have one other person they bond with (I think) Here's our two pairs so far.

Beef City and Round Revins. The kings of beefy posts and beefy butts. Look out aliens, I think this is too much meat to handle!!!

William "Henry" Taintster and Pinhead Slim. Nothing I could say about them would beat the picture.

Notable events:
- Tip got mind controlled and, when activated, was a point blank range with two our soldiers who had no cover. Then instead of attacking either of them, he ran the other direction and shot a civilian in the face. Truly his love of the posters itt transcends all bounds.
- Sid went to medbay for like a month because he went to the gallant rescue of Spinz, who was unconscious with no cover on top of a bus following a psionic attack, and got shot for it.
- Literally "A" Psychic got knocked out by a stun baton two minutes into a mission and spent the whole thing flat on he rear end because Derpies' Wife missed a shot at someone she was close enough to touch. In her defense however, almost everyone missed that round. It's a miracle nobody was killed.
- We got lucky with an early drop of +3 health PCS implant (three health is a significant amount in this game). I immediately installed on Beef City in the interest of eventually making him the beefiest soldier of all.

Pictured: Lil' Bloop and Round Revins acting like stormtroopers. The advent soldier then shot hbag right after this. Hbag is in the hospital and it's your fault!
https://i.imgur.com/fcVOWK3.mp4

Meme Poker Party fucked around with this message at 06:21 on Aug 9, 2021

# ? Aug 9, 2021 06:18

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# ? May 31, 2024 14:28

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

Meme Poker Party posted:

- Tip got mind controlled and, when activated, was a point blank range with two our soldiers who had no cover. Then instead of attacking either of them, he ran the other direction and shot a civilian in the face. Truly his love of the posters itt transcends all bounds.

it's half that and half that I just really hate civilians

# ? Aug 9, 2021 06:27

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

I thought I'd been forgotten and then I got the the bottom (tee-hee) and Round Revins made me tee-hee so thank you MPP

# ? Aug 9, 2021 07:01

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

Meme Poker Party posted:

Summary of XCOM Day 1 Activity

The roster of 1000 page thread soldiers grows. We have many wounded at the moment, but somehow nobody has actually died, so it's going pretty well. There are now too many names to fit on one screen. Below this are, I think, Duck Fat and Waterbed Wendy. It's still early in the game, we have not done the black site yet.

(Note: "nicknames" are not available until the rank of Sergeant. If a soldier comes with a nickname, it can't be changed until then.)

XCOM's current ranking field officer is the man himself, Tip "One Grand" Pages. Our fearless OP leads the troops in the thread and in the game!

He has however, been somewhat seriously wounded in the last fight and will be out commission for two weeks. Beyond him, we have three sergeants ready lead the troopers, and we also have two bonded pairs!

Soldiers that go on missions together have a chance to bond. Doing so gives them abilities and bonuses when fighting together, so you're encourage to create these and then keep bonded soldiers together. Each soldier can only have one other person they bond with (I think) Here's our two pairs so far.

Beef City and Round Revins. The kings of beefy posts and beefy butts. Look out aliens, I think this is too much meat to handle!!!

William "Henry" Taintster and Pinhead Slim. Nothing I could say about them would beat the picture.

Notable events:
- Tip got mind controlled and, when activated, was a point blank range with two our soldiers who had no cover. Then instead of attacking either of them, he ran the other direction and shot a civilian in the face. Truly his love of the posters itt transcends all bounds.
- Sid went to medbay for like a month because he went to the gallant rescue of Spinz, who was unconscious with no cover on top of a bus following a psionic attack, and got shot for it.
- Literally "A" Psychic got knocked out by a stun baton two minutes into a mission and spent the whole thing flat on he rear end because Derpies' Wife missed a shot at someone she was close enough to touch. In her defense however, almost everyone missed that round. It's a miracle nobody was killed.
- We got lucky with an early drop of +3 health PCS implant (three health is a significant amount in this game). I immediately installed on Beef City in the interest of eventually making him the beefiest soldier of all.

Pictured: Lil' Bloop and Round Revins acting like stormtroopers. The advent soldier then shot hbag right after this. Hbag is in the hospital and it's your fault!
https://i.imgur.com/fcVOWK3.mp4

I AM SO loving PUMPED I

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 9, 2021 07:07

Ratjaculation: Aug 3, 2007

Meme Poker Party posted:

Good luck, soldiers of The 1000 Page Thread.

Honestly more than a little hurt here

# ? Aug 9, 2021 07:11

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

I bought a big bag of cherries and ate way too many of them and now I feel like I'm gonna die

# ? Aug 9, 2021 08:43

TIP: Mar 21, 2006; Your move, creep.

updated

# ? Aug 9, 2021 08:49

sebmojo: Oct 23, 2010; Legit Cyberpunk

In honour of any death I will apply a respectful sixer to the deceased

# ? Aug 9, 2021 11:27

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

sebmojo posted:

In honour of any death I will apply a respectful sixer to the deceased

ty for ur service

# ? Aug 9, 2021 11:31

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

also ratjaculation better get a dude named after him

# ? Aug 9, 2021 11:32

Prof. Crocodile: Jun 27, 2020

Tip posted:

it's half that and half that I just really hate civilians

I think this whenever I hear about �innocent� bystanders.

How innocent can they be, really?

Prof. Crocodile fucked around with this message at 12:51 on Aug 9, 2021

# ? Aug 9, 2021 12:49

Waterbed Wendy: Jan 29, 2009

Meme Poker Party posted:

Summary of XCOM Day 1 Activity

The roster of 1000 page thread soldiers grows. We have many wounded at the moment, but somehow nobody has actually died, so it's going pretty well. There are now too many names to fit on one screen. Below this are, I think, Duck Fat and Waterbed Wendy. It's still early in the game, we have not done the black site yet.

(Note: "nicknames" are not available until the rank of Sergeant. If a soldier comes with a nickname, it can't be changed until then.)

XCOM's current ranking field officer is the man himself, Tip "One Grand" Pages. Our fearless OP leads the troops in the thread and in the game!

He has however, been somewhat seriously wounded in the last fight and will be out commission for two weeks. Beyond him, we have three sergeants ready lead the troopers, and we also have two bonded pairs!

Soldiers that go on missions together have a chance to bond. Doing so gives them abilities and bonuses when fighting together, so you're encourage to create these and then keep bonded soldiers together. Each soldier can only have one other person they bond with (I think) Here's our two pairs so far.

Beef City and Round Revins. The kings of beefy posts and beefy butts. Look out aliens, I think this is too much meat to handle!!!

William "Henry" Taintster and Pinhead Slim. Nothing I could say about them would beat the picture.

Notable events:
- Tip got mind controlled and, when activated, was a point blank range with two our soldiers who had no cover. Then instead of attacking either of them, he ran the other direction and shot a civilian in the face. Truly his love of the posters itt transcends all bounds.
- Sid went to medbay for like a month because he went to the gallant rescue of Spinz, who was unconscious with no cover on top of a bus following a psionic attack, and got shot for it.
- Literally "A" Psychic got knocked out by a stun baton two minutes into a mission and spent the whole thing flat on he rear end because Derpies' Wife missed a shot at someone she was close enough to touch. In her defense however, almost everyone missed that round. It's a miracle nobody was killed.
- We got lucky with an early drop of +3 health PCS implant (three health is a significant amount in this game). I immediately installed on Beef City in the interest of eventually making him the beefiest soldier of all.

Pictured: Lil' Bloop and Round Revins acting like stormtroopers. The advent soldier then shot hbag right after this. Hbag is in the hospital and it's your fault!
https://i.imgur.com/fcVOWK3.mp4

taintster and slim was the last movie I saw in theaters before covid

# ? Aug 9, 2021 13:37

Dumb Sex-Parrot: Dec 25, 2020; Absurd Pox Term
Rad Buxom Strep

Retard Ox Bumps
Borax Dumpster

Dares Box Trump

The Bloop posted:

There's birds in beastars I guess

hmm I was tinking more like 'bird gathers some twigs and leaves to make a nest but it's also highschool'

i dont know man im not a bird expert

# ? Aug 9, 2021 13:57

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

# ? Aug 9, 2021 14:24

Prof. Crocodile: Jun 27, 2020

Tip posted:

updated

Lol�ing

Also, how did hbag get gravely wounded? Was he posting in fyad again?

# ? Aug 9, 2021 14:27

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

poo poo all this time I thought I had xcom 2 and I only had 'enemy unknown' and I looked at steam and the entire xcom2 bundle + all add ons inc chimera squad is like $30 after tax right now, sold.

# ? Aug 9, 2021 14:41

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Prof. Crocodile posted:

Also, how did hbag get gravely wounded? Was he posting in fyad again?

It was a chaotic fight in a musty sewer.

So, yes.

# ? Aug 9, 2021 14:46

Spinz: Jan 7, 2020; I ordered luscious new gemstones from India and made new earrings for my SA mart thread

Remember my earrings and art are much better than my posting

New stuff starts towards end of page 3 of the thread

This is cool

# ? Aug 9, 2021 14:52

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

Is it possible to embed the "...Hello, Commander." xcom voice into the pages of the thread so that when you reload or open it it plays, until this is over thx in advance for doing this.

# ? Aug 9, 2021 15:09

DeadFatDuckFat: Oct 29, 2012; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

Big Beef City posted:

Is it possible to embed the "...Hello, Commander." xcom voice into the pages of the thread so that when you reload or open it it plays, until this is over thx in advance for doing this.

Yes please. Also change thread title to include Vigilo Confido

# ? Aug 9, 2021 15:15

The Bloop: Jul 5, 2004; by Fluffdaddy

I played through XCom2 for the first time when it went on sale on switch this year

It was good

Is the DLC pack thing actually more story or just the same story with more goodies (and baddies)?

# ? Aug 9, 2021 16:16

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

I need to go back and actually finish enemy unknown, but its been so long I guess I'll have to start a new playthrough. Oh darn

# ? Aug 9, 2021 16:26

William Henry Hairytaint: Oct 29, 2011

I just used a Coinstar machine to unload 15 years worth of loose change I'd been throwing in a jar. Total came to 47.96 after their fee and 25 bucks of it was pennies. That's all well and good but I got .96 cents in change from the machine I went to TO GET RID OF MY CHANGE maybe do me a solid and round up to 48, assholes.

Oh well, a few more quarters for ALDI (I leave the quarter in the cart when I return it because I like to help my fellow man)

# ? Aug 9, 2021 16:28

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

William Henry Hairytaint posted:

I just used a Coinstar machine to unload 15 years worth of loose change I'd been throwing in a jar. Total came to 47.96 after their fee and 25 bucks of it was pennies. That's all well and good but I got .96 cents in change from the machine I went to TO GET RID OF MY CHANGE maybe do me a solid and round up to 48, assholes.

Oh well, a few more quarters for ALDI (I leave the quarter in the cart when I return it because I like to help my fellow man)

Turns out the coin change machine requires exact change!!!

# ? Aug 9, 2021 16:31

DeadFatDuckFat: Oct 29, 2012; This avatar brought to you by the 'save our dead gay forums' foundation.

The coinstar machine will be the first victim in the Revolution

# ? Aug 9, 2021 16:32

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Do they still take like 25%?

# ? Aug 9, 2021 16:35

Revins: Nov 2, 2007; tune the FM in to static and pretend that its the sea

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Do they still take like 25%?

google says 11.9% which is still :eyepop:

# ? Aug 9, 2021 16:36

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

William Henry Hairytaint posted:

I just used a Coinstar machine to unload 15 years worth of loose change I'd been throwing in a jar. Total came to 47.96 after their fee and 25 bucks of it was pennies. That's all well and good but I got .96 cents in change from the machine I went to TO GET RID OF MY CHANGE maybe do me a solid and round up to 48, assholes.

Oh well, a few more quarters for ALDI (I leave the quarter in the cart when I return it because I like to help my fellow man)

Goons getting old when we aren't using our couch change to purchase malt liquor or bum wine.

# ? Aug 9, 2021 16:36

AARD VARKMAN: May 17, 1993

Just put 4 cents of your 96 cents back in to the machine to get it up to 48. simple.

# ? Aug 9, 2021 16:38

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

paying for 40ozs in 2.24 of quarters and dimes from the tip jar you stole from, and reflecting on how close that was to paying 2.10 to rent a nintendo game and begging the same amount off your mom as a kid.
I dunno how much 40s go for now if it's the same as it was 15-18 years ago I guess maybe that's relatable

# ? Aug 9, 2021 17:21

Literally A Person: Jan 1, 1970; Smugworth Wuz Here

Big Beef City posted:

paying for 40ozs in 2.24 of quarters and dimes from the tip jar you stole from, and reflecting on how close that was to paying 2.10 to rent a nintendo game and begging the same amount off your mom as a kid.
I dunno how much 40s go for now if it's the same as it was 15-18 years ago I guess maybe that's relatable

This made me sad

# ? Aug 9, 2021 17:25

Prof. Crocodile: Jun 27, 2020

Big Beef City posted:

paying for 40ozs in 2.24 of quarters and dimes from the tip jar you stole from, and reflecting on how close that was to paying 2.10 to rent a nintendo game and begging the same amount off your mom as a kid.
I dunno how much 40s go for now if it's the same as it was 15-18 years ago I guess maybe that's relatable

when i last bought 40s it was like 2001, and they cost $1.99 (plus tax). looks like 40s now go for $2.99, which something like a 50% increase over 20 years. this is in line with the cumulative price change index, which is about 55% over the year 2000.

as such i am suggesting that economists rename the cumulative price change index in honor of billy dee williams.

# ? Aug 9, 2021 17:30

Meme Poker Party: Sep 1, 2006; by Azathoth

Two more bonded soldier pairs after a mission taking out (temporarily) one of the Chosen.

Grace "The Sluth" Spinz and Sid Vicious are now buddies. Look at these great pals!

Crocodile "Professor" Dundee and Derpies "No Cook" Wife are also great friends!

Bonus footage: Spinz sets him up, Sid and Croc knock him down! (These have sound)

https://i.imgur.com/UDdFJDE.mp4

https://i.imgur.com/a1Ug8YS.mp4

Next up later today is the Black Site mission, so high possibility of actual death. Cross your fingers!

# ? Aug 9, 2021 17:50

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

Meme Poker Party posted:

Crocodile "Professor" Dundee and Derpies "No Cook" Wife are also great friends!

Petition to rename these two "Sauce Team Six"

# ? Aug 9, 2021 18:58

BAGS FLY AT NOON: Apr 6, 2011; A Soft Nylon Bag

Derpies� Wife coats her bullets in Porch Broth for the +3 Infection bonus.

(USER WAS PUT ON PROBATION FOR THIS POST)

# ? Aug 9, 2021 19:04

Prof. Crocodile: Jun 27, 2020

Derpies posted:

Petition to rename these two "Sauce Team Six"

# ? Aug 9, 2021 19:32

Big Beef City: Aug 15, 2013

I hope Spinz right clicks that gif of her and chooses 'unmute', because that's righteous.

Big Beef City fucked around with this message at 19:46 on Aug 9, 2021

# ? Aug 9, 2021 19:38

Derpies: Mar 11, 2014; by sebmojo

DarkSoulsTantrum posted:

Derpies� Wife coats her bullets in Porch Broth for the +3 Infection bonus.

She is a specialist, pretty sure that is in the power ups somewhere.

# ? Aug 9, 2021 19:40

Spinz: Jan 7, 2020; I ordered luscious new gemstones from India and made new earrings for my SA mart thread

Remember my earrings and art are much better than my posting

New stuff starts towards end of page 3 of the thread

William Henry Hairytaint posted:

I just used a Coinstar machine to unload 15 years worth of loose change I'd been throwing in a jar. Total came to 47.96 after their fee and 25 bucks of it was pennies. That's all well and good but I got .96 cents in change from the machine I went to TO GET RID OF MY CHANGE maybe do me a solid and round up to 48, assholes.

Oh well, a few more quarters for ALDI (I leave the quarter in the cart when I return it because I like to help my fellow man)

Boy you are a lousy bartender.
I kept my quarters in the plastic tubes Glenfiddich came in, about 75 bucks a tube iirc

Heavy as hell

# ? Aug 9, 2021 20:17

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# ? May 31, 2024 14:28

William Henry Hairytaint: Oct 29, 2011

Spinz posted:

Boy you are a lousy bartender.

# ? Aug 9, 2021 20:34

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