NFC North 2021: With the Packers choking in the playoffs the NFCN cycle completes

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFC North 2021: With the Packers choking in the playoffs the NFCN cycle completes

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Ok for real whos your team This poll is closed.
The Green Bay Packers	81	35.53%
The Chicago Bears	52	22.81%
The Minnesota Vikings	42	18.42%
The Detroit Lions	53	23.25%
Total:	228 votes

[Edit Poll (moderators only)]

Dog Faced JoJo: Oct 15, 2004; Woof Woof

Dexo posted:

https://twitter.com/AdamHoge/status/1430162613187534859

Generally how Nagy is saying things this makes it seem like When he signed or when Fields was drafted, Dalton was promised at least one week as starter.

Whatever.

I'm fine with this, I'm not sure I want to see Fields playing behind this O-line.

# ? Aug 24, 2021 16:18

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 00:23

Hot Diggity!: Apr 3, 2010; SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF

Not only anti-vaxx but now anti-circumcision!

https://twitter.com/JayHasTweets/status/1429849261806600192

# ? Aug 24, 2021 16:24

Good Will Hrunting: Oct 8, 2012; I changed my mind.
I'm not sorry.

Why does that look like one of the character promo pictures from The Wire?

# ? Aug 24, 2021 17:53

xbilkis: Apr 11, 2005; god qb
me
jay hova

I assume Jay is going to keep killing his mystique by drifting further into the right-wing media sphere, which is tragic.

All you had to do was not work and look at deer webcams

# ? Aug 24, 2021 19:51

Detheros: Apr 11, 2010; I want to die.

Being the 5th best quarterback in Packers history really poisons your brain.

# ? Aug 24, 2021 20:04

JGdmn: Jun 12, 2005; Like I give a fuck.

Cutler was better when he was not giving a poo poo about a game he played, as opposed to having terrible opinions about important things.

# ? Aug 24, 2021 20:37

CRIP EATIN BREAD: Jun 24, 2002; Hey stop worrying bout my acting bitch, and worry about your WACK ass music. In the mean time... Eat a hot bowl of Dicks! Ice T; Soiled Meat

JGdmn posted:

Cutler was better when he was not giving a poo poo about a game he played, as opposed to having terrible opinions about important things.

# ? Aug 24, 2021 20:44

JGdmn: Jun 12, 2005; Like I give a fuck.

Yeah, as I posted I noticed my avatar for the first time in years. Now I need to dig up a new one.

# ? Aug 24, 2021 20:47

ZombieCrew: Apr 1, 2019

JGdmn posted:

Yeah, as I posted I noticed my avatar for the first time in years. Now I need to dig up a new one.

Find you a solid Smokin Jay Cutler for your avatar. Those are honestly the best thing that ever came out of that guys tenure with the bears.

# ? Aug 25, 2021 01:44

GenericMartini: Oct 22, 2012; AYYYYY PAPI

We got a defense

# ? Aug 25, 2021 06:23

SD87: Jun 7, 2011

Dog Faced JoJo posted:

I'm fine with this, I'm not sure I want to see Fields playing behind this O-line.

I dont get this take. So you want to see andy dalton get clobbered playing behind this o-line? You want to wait til we have a good o-line till we start fields? You might be waiting a long time then lollll how long have you been a bears fan?

# ? Aug 25, 2021 06:40

Dog Faced JoJo: Oct 15, 2004; Woof Woof

SD87 posted:

I dont get this take. So you want to see andy dalton get clobbered playing behind this o-line? You want to wait til we have a good o-line till we start fields? You might be waiting a long time then lollll how long have you been a bears fan?

Dalton is a one year player who sucks and as a fan I really don't care about his development. Fields is long term investment who may quite possibly be good soon if given time. Did you see him get wiped out by a fairly obvious blitz right in his face against Buffalo? What is going to happen when there is a blind side blitz and the ghost of Jason Peters is the only thing to stop it? Good ain't happening soon but competent might be.

# ? Aug 25, 2021 14:04

mastershakeman: Oct 28, 2008; by vyelkin

Rely on Dalton and the first team defense to go down 35-0 every game by halftime, then put in fields and the backup defense where the other team agrees to taking it easy and end up with respectable final scores like 42-24

# ? Aug 25, 2021 14:11

Hot Diggity!: Apr 3, 2010; SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF

Football Outsiders Over/Under column on the NFCN is up

https://twitter.com/fboutsiders/status/1430539778068471812

# ? Aug 25, 2021 16:03

ZombieCrew: Apr 1, 2019

Hot Diggity! posted:

Football Outsiders Over/Under column on the NFCN is up

https://twitter.com/fboutsiders/status/1430539778068471812

"Nagy is currently on record saying we need to see Dalton in the regular season. And my question is: Do we? Do we really? Haven't we suffered enough? Going from Christmas Carol to Bleak House, I see."

:laffo:

# ? Aug 25, 2021 16:28

Kevlar v2.0: Dec 25, 2003; =^�⩊�^=

Pace is checking all options to improve his receiving core

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=cEl6rCds6SE

# ? Aug 25, 2021 17:27

HootTheOwl: May 13, 2012; Hootin and shootin

Hizawk posted:

Who is the backup to the backup?

Tarik Cohen can outrun him. Hopefully.

# ? Aug 25, 2021 18:20

TITTIEKISSER69: Mar 19, 2005; SAVE THE BEES
PLANT MORE TREES
CLEAN THE SEAS
KISS TITTIESS

Why Your Team Sucks: 2021 Bears edition

quote:

Some people are fans of the Chicago Bears. But many, many more people are NOT fans of the Chicago Bears. This 2021 Defector NFL team preview is for those in the latter group. Read all the previews so far here.

Your team: Chicago Bears.

Your 2020 record: 8-8. This team started 5-1 (how). They even beat the Bucs, who would go on to win the Super Bowl. After that came an inevitable parade of blithering idiocy that Bears fans�delusional as they are�have become long accustomed to. They got beaten single-handedly by a punter. One of their scrub-rear end wideouts started whaling on a Saints player to defend the honor of his lucky mouthguard. They held the Titans to 228 total yards and still lost. They even had to score two garbage-time fourth-quarter TDs to make the final score of that loss look respectable. Their starting quarterback got benched and his replacement openly shat on the head coach to the Monday Night Football crew.

The Bears lost six in a row after that 5-1 start, cobbled together a three-game win streak against the most depressing teams in the league, backed into the playoffs after getting vaporized by Green Bay in Week 17, and then finished their season with a wild card loss in New Orleans that even the Saints don�t want to remember. A tidy encapsulation of what the Bears experience has been like under�

Your coach: Still Matt Nagy! With Ryan Pace still the GM! And Ted Phillips as the president! FOUR MORE YEARS! FOUR MORE YEARS!

quote:
�I was impressed with both of them this past season, especially during the six-game losing streak,� McCaskey said.

I�m loving dead. That is primo Bears poo poo right there. You people thought your suffering was over when you finally got Jay Cutler out of town. Little did you know.

So here we go again, ready to gently caress that chicken one more time. Every season it�s just Nagy standing there on the sidelines, alternating between having a nervous breakdown and a rage stroke, changing quarterbacks like they�re dead batteries, psyching out his own kicker, and calling knockoff Andy Reid bootlegs that have no shot of ever being successful. This man won Coach of the Year three years ago. Know who else won that honor once? Dick Jauron, coaching this team. It�s like winning a loving voodoo doll.

Meanwhile, Ryan Pace committed the most fireable offense in football by trading up for Mitch Trubisky, currently fetching water for Josh Allen in Buffalo. And instead of firing Pace, the Bears just let him commit the same felony AGAIN. And they hired Tom Herman. I work for the wrong company.

Do they have a Guy on the coaching staff? Three of them. In addition to Mike Furrey and Deshea Townsend�remember those Guys?�the Bears coaching staff also includes Henry Burris, who will forever be part of the Moses Moreno Wing Of Terrifying Bears Emergency Starting Quarterbacks at Halas Hall.

Your quarterback: Now this is where it gets funny.

How can you NOT trust the Matt Nagy plan, I ask you? Andy Dalton, whose career is very much over, was brought in by the Bears from Dallas to gingerly warm the seat for first-round pick Justin Fields. Fields was drafted to be the successor to (one last chance for me to butcher his name Chicago-style) Mitch Turbinsky. You know that the Bears traded up to draft the future Nickelodeon Most Valuable Player over both Patrick Mahomes and Deshaun Watson. You know that the Bears lied to Mahomes about having him at the top of their draft board, and that Mahomes made them pay dearly for it. You know how badly Pace hosed this up, and perhaps you view the drafting of Fields as a necessary correction to that fuckup.

But can anyone feel good about the fact that the exact infrastructure that failed Trubisky is now in charge of Fields�s career? Pace gave up a first in next year�s draft�which will have a talent pool three to four times deeper than the 2021 draft, and that�s not an exaggeration�to leapfrog the Vikings and get Fields. I�m a Vikings fan, so all I know all about best laid plans backfiring. But I share a division with two other teams that are equally adept at loving themselves with an opened umbrella. The Vikes, Bears, and Lions all cancel each other out. Fields looks good this preseason. It means NOTHING. They�ll ruin him. If you fear that Justin Fields will have the same career trajectory as Dwayne Haskins, there is absolutely no better team to make that a reality.

Russell Wilson wanted to play here (why) and they couldn�t pull it off.

What�s new that sucks: They�re leaving.

You gotta work REAL hard to have your poo poo ruined by Lori Lightfoot. Lori Lightfoot is a flat-brained penguin who spends every day busting her rear end to earn the title of Worst Mayor In America. And she succeeded Rahm, mind you. Meanwhile the Bears are like DOY UH WE�RE GONNA MOVE TO ROCKLAND BECAUSE YOU DON�T LOVE US ENOUGH DOY UH � giving Lightfoot the first, and only, open dunk she�ll ever throw down in her worthless career. If this team can�t beat Lori Lightfoot, exactly what shot do they have against Green Bay?

On the field, the Bears lost half their offensive line and half their secondary because Robert Quinn�s insane contract left no room for them to keep anyone. They signed Damien Williams away from the Chiefs to platoon with David Montgomery, because in the 21st century, this team will NEVER give its best running back a consistent workload. They also traded up a second time in April to draft lineman Teven Jenkins, who may not even play this season after back surgery. Jenkins�s emergency replacement is Jason Peters, who�s older than the K-T boundary and who gives himself NEW health problems whenever he�s bored.

Gale Sayers died. Brian Urlacher�s younger, fatter brother was pardoned by Trump.

What has always sucked: This management doesn�t give half a poo poo about winning and hasn�t for a very long time. Your odds of seeing Illinois win the Big Ten are better than seeing the McCaskey family lift a mummified finger out of the cobwebs to make this team worth a poo poo. Why would you care about winning when no amount of winning will get the fat humps who root for this team to buy more merch than they do for the �85 team?

The only reason the Bears don�t get lumped in routinely with the Browns and Lions of the league is because of that �85 Bears team, and that team was a loving fluke. That lone Super Bowl may as well be as distant as the Jets� lone title, and yet here are Bears fans, all total slobs, filing into Soldier Field in McMahon jerseys going I HOPE THE SOFT PRETZELS TODAY AAAARE FRESH! and still laboring under the delusion that an overcast day means they�ll suddenly have the No. 1 defense in football.

Bears fans are like a relative you see once every three years whose house is always the same whenever you visit. Plastic sofa coverings. Weathered board games. A bookshelf of nothing but twice-read James Patterson paperbacks purchased at O�Hare. Dust covering a bowl of plastic fruit. Odd smells. Food that�s bad for you and somehow not even worth it. Chicago PD is cooler than any of these pieces of poo poo. gently caress them all. And gently caress Big Cat with a kicking tee.

Akiem Hicks and Khalil Mack are your only good players and both of them will get hurt.

Ratto says: Is Andy Dalton an upgrade from Mitchell Trubisky? No. Why? Because it�s the Bears quarterback job. In this ever-swirling vortex of filth, nothing is ever an upgrade from the lousy thing before it. Ryan Pace and Matt Nagy still have jobs, mostly because all four of their names have the same number of letters. BEST NAME TO HEAR ON TV: Arlington Hambright.

What might not suck: Fields will be just good enough to make me eat these words twice a year.

# ? Aug 25, 2021 18:49

BGrifter: Mar 16, 2007; Winner of Something Awful PS5 thread's Posting Excellence Award June 2022

Congratulations!

https://twitter.com/adamschefter/status/1430621515662471168?s=21

# ? Aug 25, 2021 21:25

HootTheOwl: May 13, 2012; Hootin and shootin

TITTIEKISSER69 posted:

Why Your Team Sucks: 2021 Bears edition

Wow, this guy needs to take it down a peg.

# ? Aug 25, 2021 21:44

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

BGrifter posted:

https://twitter.com/adamschefter/status/1430621515662471168?s=21

Does this mean they can�t cut him?

# ? Aug 25, 2021 21:47

Hot Diggity!: Apr 3, 2010; SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF

BGrifter posted:

https://twitter.com/adamschefter/status/1430621515662471168?s=21

Huh, that kinda sucks. He was looking good. Didn't realize he got hurt but apparently he got a hammy injury.

# ? Aug 25, 2021 22:15

soggybagel: Aug 6, 2006; The official account of NFL Tackle Phil Loadholt.

Let's talk Football.

Kirk.

https://twitter.com/chadgraff/status/1430585844545490958?s=21

# ? Aug 25, 2021 22:33

Fate Accomplice: Nov 30, 2006

Just admit you eat horse paste, Kirk

# ? Aug 25, 2021 23:30

Aaaaaaarrrrrggggg: Oct 4, 2004; ha, ha, ha, og me ekam

Also Kirk: But I read on the internet about horse meds that he didn't even bother to discuss. Why the secrecy?

# ? Aug 25, 2021 23:30

surf rock: Aug 12, 2007; We need more women in STEM, and by that, I mean skateboarding, television, esports, and magic.

lol, I just realized that the third Packers preseason game is against the Bills. Watch as Trubisky styles on the Packers as karmic justice for all of last weekend's sass.

# ? Aug 25, 2021 23:46

jng2058: Jul 17, 2010; We have the tools, we have the talent!

HootTheOwl posted:

Wow, this guy needs to take it down a peg.

Eh, that's the bit. They get a Packers fan to roast the Bears, a Bears fan to roast the Pack, a Lions fan to roast the Lions. You know, greatest enemy thing. Everybody gets roasted in the same way, more or less.

# ? Aug 25, 2021 23:55

Rod Hoofhearted: Jun 18, 2000; I am a ghost

jng2058 posted:

Eh, that's the bit. They get a Packers fan to roast the Bears, a Bears fan to roast the Pack, a Lions fan to roast the Lions. You know, greatest enemy thing. Everybody gets roasted in the same way, more or less.

What? No, that's all Drew Magary except the little blurb by Ratto, and then letters from fans of that team.

Magary is a Vikings fans and he shits on them just a much as any other team.

# ? Aug 26, 2021 00:52

Hot Diggity!: Apr 3, 2010; SKELITON_BRINGING_U_ON.GIF

Magary signed my copy of "Someone Could Get Hurt" with "gently caress the Packers" because I was wearing a Bucks hoodie at the reading and he asked if I was a Packers fan. Got to chat with him after at a nearby bar and he's a real nice dude who hates the Vikings so so much.

# ? Aug 26, 2021 01:10

PupsOfWar: Dec 6, 2013

I didn't realize funchess was only 27

What was he during the Panthers super bowl run, a toddler?

# ? Aug 26, 2021 01:29

Wollawolla: Jan 15, 2007; Are you gonna smash my skull and breathe my blood-mist?

Is horse dewormer on the NFL's banned substances list?

# ? Aug 26, 2021 01:36

Timby: Dec 23, 2006; Your mother!

Rod Hoofhearted posted:

What? No, that's all Drew Magary except the little blurb by Ratto, and then letters from fans of that team.

Magary is a Vikings fans and he shits on them just a much as any other team.

Magary published my Photoshop of the Glennophant Man in the Bears WYTS several years ago:

# ? Aug 26, 2021 01:38

Kevlar v2.0: Dec 25, 2003; =^�⩊�^=

Drew Magary also won an episode of Chopped.

# ? Aug 26, 2021 03:33

SirPablo: May 1, 2004; Pillbug

Vikings Week 1 Injury Report

Cousins --- Intestinal

# ? Aug 26, 2021 06:02

GenericMartini: Oct 22, 2012; AYYYYY PAPI

Kirk would just not stop crumpling his bag of salt saltless lays while Osterholm talked

# ? Aug 26, 2021 07:46

R.D. Mangles: Jan 10, 2004

Bears cut famed helmet puncher and dropper of the only good pass mitch ever threw in a bears uniform Jevon Wims.

# ? Aug 26, 2021 17:27

Shrimpy: May 18, 2004; Sir, I'm going to need to see your ticket.

https://twitter.com/robdemovsky/status/1430950633083793408?s=21

Most Vaccinated Player

# ? Aug 26, 2021 19:37

Whooping Crabs: Apr 13, 2010; Sorry for the derail but I fuckin love me some racoons

Shrimpy posted:

https://twitter.com/robdemovsky/status/1430950633083793408?s=21

Most Vaccinated Player

New thread title?

# ? Aug 26, 2021 19:50

Pops Mgee: Aug 20, 2009; People all over the world,
Join Hands,
Start the Love Train!

Shrimpy posted:

https://twitter.com/robdemovsky/status/1430950633083793408?s=21

Most Vaccinated Player

I was honestly a little worried he wasn�t vaxxed on account of all the weird hippie poo poo Shailene Woodley is into

# ? Aug 26, 2021 20:25

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# ? Jun 11, 2024 00:23

Guy A. Person: May 23, 2003

This "personal decision" poo poo needs to go. It's not a "personal decision" to decide you want to be a disease vector anymore than it's a "personal decision" to wear pants in public or not stab random people.

# ? Aug 26, 2021 20:36

The Something Awful Forums > Discussion > Sports Argument Stadium > The Football Funhouse > NFC North 2021: With the Packers choking in the playoffs the NFCN cycle completes

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