Reddit: A fiesta of problematic statements

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > Reddit: A fiesta of problematic statements

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zgrowler2: Oct 29, 2011; HOW DOES THE IPHONE APP WORK?? I WILL SPAM ENDLESSLY EVERYWHERE AND DISREGARD ANY REPLIES

gbs but from 2004 posted:

what’s the best way to politicise dead Norm McDonald? i want to really up my reddit karma game to impress a girl

I thought this was Norm Kelly, not in the loop on SNL

turns out Norm Kelly is Still too lit to politic

# ? Sep 16, 2021 18:41

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 8, 2024 16:18

El Jeffe: Dec 24, 2009

Definitely not a nazi sub

# ? Sep 16, 2021 19:52

Computer viking: May 30, 2011; Now with less breakage.

Isn't that kind of the pipeline for every conspiracy cult?

Person: I am not happy, let me look for people who understand me
Cult: Are you unhappy with (normal struggles)? Society tries to pretend this isn't a thing, but you're normal and we get you
(...)
Cult: And as you see, this is obviously the work of a jewish conspiracy using muslims to destroy your chance of finding a girl

# ? Sep 16, 2021 20:59

Jestery: Aug 2, 2016; Not a Dickman, just a shape

What? Reddit being part of the online self radicalisation gestalt? Nooo couldn't be

# ? Sep 16, 2021 21:13

Kevin DuBrow: Apr 21, 2012; The uruk-hai defender has logged on.

By non-racist Reddit user Colonizeonsight

# ? Sep 16, 2021 23:29

Beartaco: Apr 10, 2007; by sebmojo

I'm sure it all comes from r/unpopularopinion or whatever, but a favourite type of post for me to get mad at: "What's with all the hate against (widely accepted and popular thing)? I just don't get it!"

50 million upvotes and several hundred dollars worth of awards.

# ? Sep 19, 2021 02:39

deep dish peat moss: Jul 27, 2006

Beartaco posted:

I'm sure it all comes from r/unpopularopinion or whatever, but a favourite type of post for me to get mad at: "What's with all the hate against (widely accepted and popular thing)? I just don't get it!"

50 million upvotes and several hundred dollars worth of awards.

Here's the reddit post I hate the most. I have a friend who works in high end big deal PR and marketing out in San Francisco somewhere and he gets extremely mad about this because of how Reddit as a collective buys into the obvious thirst trap advertising and now I do too.

A new triple A videogame comes out. I don't know, Grand Theft Auto or whatever. There is more or less guaranteed to be a front-page reddit post with an absurd number of votes and absurd amount of community interaction and this is exactly how the post goes:

Title: "Waited in line 5 hours to buy this for my boyfriend. Did I do a good job? hehe"
OP: Some brand new Reddit account created yesterday
Content: An image of a hand with painted fingernails and stereotypically feminine accessories holding a copy of the new video game.

17,000 comments. Every single one of them:
"Oh my god, you are the most amazing girlfriend to ever exist. You are literally perfect. He better wife you. If he doesn't I will."

deep dish peat moss fucked around with this message at 03:14 on Sep 19, 2021

# ? Sep 19, 2021 03:11

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

gbs but from 2004 posted:

what�s the best way to politicise dead Norm McDonald? i want to really up my reddit karma game to impress a girl

I know this is a joke but lol if you look at the last page of the RIP norm thread�

# ? Sep 19, 2021 05:52

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

MarcusSA posted:

I know this is a joke but lol if you look at the last page of the RIP norm thread�

i cant find it and I�m too lazy to look too hard

give me th abridged version

# ? Sep 19, 2021 09:32

MarcusSA: Sep 23, 2007

gbs but from 2004 posted:

i cant find it and I�m too lazy to look too hard

give me th abridged version

He�s a sex pest and #metoo�d

Or something.

It got locked pretty fuckin quick after someone Kramered in with the hot tweets lol.

# ? Sep 19, 2021 09:36

Colonel Cancer: Sep 26, 2015; Tune into the fireplace channel, you absolute buffoon

BBC died for our sins

# ? Sep 19, 2021 13:26

Antigravitas: Dec 8, 2019; Die Rettung fuer die Landwirte:

deep dish peat moss posted:

17,000 comments. Every single one of them:
"Oh my god, you are the most amazing girlfriend to ever exist. You are literally perfect. He better wife you. If he doesn't I will."

Well, there's a reason gamingcirclejerk exists�

# ? Sep 19, 2021 19:19

hawowanlawow: Jul 27, 2009

I was going to post a couple more two sentence horrors, but they're all so bad it feels like shooting fish in a barrel now

# ? Sep 19, 2021 19:22

The Fattest PI: Mar 4, 2008

The two sentence horror and writing prompts poo poo is so lazy and stupid but then I realize I've probably just aged out of the demographic and I'm just getting annoyed with a bunch of teens posting dumb poo poo online.

# ? Sep 19, 2021 22:45

Hector Delgado: Sep 23, 2007; Time for shore leave!!

Attention spans are so bad now, short stories are just too long. Need it quick just like a tweet.

# ? Sep 19, 2021 23:39

Zil: Jun 4, 2011; Satanically Summoned Citrus

Hector Delgado posted:

Attention spans are so bad now, short stories are just too long. Need it quick just like a tweet.

TL;DR

# ? Sep 19, 2021 23:42

Seth Pecksniff: May 27, 2004; can't believe shrek is fucking dead. rip to a real one.

Zil posted:

TL;DR

Attention short, find what works fast

# ? Sep 20, 2021 00:02

DerekSmartymans: Feb 14, 2005; The
Copacetic
Ascetic

Seth Pecksniff posted:

Attention short, find what works fast

Attn short, so wut

# ? Sep 20, 2021 00:17

alexandriao: Jul 20, 2019

Beartaco posted:

I'm sure it all comes from r/unpopularopinion or whatever, but a favourite type of post for me to get mad at: "What's with all the hate against (widely accepted and popular thing)? I just don't get it!"

50 million upvotes and several hundred dollars worth of awards.

this entire thread is based upon hating a widely accepted and popular thing

# ? Sep 20, 2021 01:40

Martman: Nov 20, 2006

alexandriao posted:

this entire thread is based upon hating a widely accepted and popular thing

Yes, and it would be very lame for a thread titled "What's with people hating on Reddit??" to get a bunch of rewards and infinite upvotes and stuff.

# ? Sep 20, 2021 03:43

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

PSA: there is a very underused and underrated hidden gem of a website called Reddit.com

# ? Sep 20, 2021 08:15

Kevin DuBrow: Apr 21, 2012; The uruk-hai defender has logged on.

r/glitchinthematrix posted:

I went missing for two hours at my intern workplace

So it's my second day there but I have found the basic needed facilities like the toilet, staircase, lift, emergency exits and so on.

For the level I am on, the toilet is one way so there is a corner you turn to get the the toilets. At this corner there is a camera that points away from the doors. So if you have to go to the toilet you would naturally pass by the camera twice.

I got to the office, set down my things and went to use the toilet. I finished my business and headed back to the office where I see my supervisor and the other person I am suppose to be shadowing. The rest of the people in the team were also standing over my stuff talking and looking concerned.

When I entered one of my friend who was also an intern at that place saw me and honestly said "she's back!" With so much relieve.

I looked very confused and said I just went to the toilet. My supervisor just said "you were in the toilet for 2 hours?"

I was like "what? No I was in there for 10 minutes max."

Supervisor: "Than where have you been? We all thought you were missing."

Me: "what? I just got here and went to the toilet. Did no one went to check the toilet?"

Supervisor: "we did but no one was inside it."

Me: "what?"

Supervisor: "well at least you're okay. Back to work."

I was still confused but brushed it off. During some free time in between tasks, I went to the security officer and ask to see the camera footage of the toilet on my level. He showed me and saw I had only passed the camera 2 times and in between them I saw one of my colleague going in to the toilet and coming out a few minutes apart. I thanked the officer and went about my work.

So yeah I disappeared for 2 hours in my work place toilet that has only one entrance and one exit.

Edit: There are so many comments say if this was the first time. Sadly this isn't the first time. It happens almost once every semester on campus. The longest I disappeared for is like 8-10 hours? My friend is well aware of it. I have had medical screenings done and phycological evaluations but everything seems normal.

The toilet is also those with 3 stalls but my co worker swears she opened all 3.

Edit2: thanks for the awards. People have asked about more detail about the camera footage so I'm not able to get a copy of it due to like actual security issues. But here are some details about it.

• the video is time stamped with the time in hours it has been recording.

• I went in at 8hours 34 mins and came out at 10 hours 30 mins

• my colleague went in at 9 hours 1 min and came out 9 hours 8 mins.

• The camera caught both of us going in and coming out.

• I did ask if they could check the rest of the camera's along the corridor from the toilet. They did and it all showed I was missing for 2 hours.

• I specifically checked the camera in front of the office door that looks partially into the office and the corridors outside. The camera did see me walking through the corridor to the toilet and back from the toilet.

• The only thing odd was that the camera had shifted a bit for a few seconds to a minute. Like it kinda glitches kind of thing. It was at 9 hours 12 mins mark.

• But there was no way I could have exited the toilet and walked back to it with out the other the camera at the office door catching me. Or for the fact that o could have gone out passed the office or walked around and went back into the toilet in a bout a minute.

Guess which comments are at the top, the ones speculating that the poster slipped into a time portal, or the one from a licensed therapist suggesting the possibility of trauma or a psychological condition.

quote:

I believe you I had a very similar experience in my dads restroom. I know this is going to sound weird but I usually pee with the door slightly open I don’t close it all the way. Idk why but I’ve always been that way. Well this time I had closed the door all the way. When I came out I felt as though my reality shifted! It was one of the scariest experiences of my life! My sisters were talking in echoes! I felt as though I messed up somewhere and so at that moment as I came out of the restroom my reality shifted! I believe you. I feel like the restroom is a portal. I know that sounds weird but it’s true🥺

I've always said this, take a poo poo with the door open or risk a reality shift.

Kevin DuBrow fucked around with this message at 15:37 on Sep 20, 2021

# ? Sep 20, 2021 15:32

pooch516: Mar 10, 2010

Kevin DuBrow posted:

Guess which comments are at the top, the ones speculating that the poster slipped into a time portal, or the one from a licensed therapist suggesting the possibility of trauma or a psychological condition.

I'm a security guard who reviewed hours of footage with some intern on the basis that they disappeared from time and space AMA

# ? Sep 20, 2021 15:39

EL BROMANCE: Jun 10, 2006; COWABUNGA DUDES!
🥷🐢😬

I like how they didn't mention the fact this has (allegedly) happened multiple times before until the edit, and until that point acted confused with regards to the whole situation. And nobody seems concerned that they just hosed off for 2 hours on their second day.

# ? Sep 20, 2021 15:41

Kevin DuBrow: Apr 21, 2012; The uruk-hai defender has logged on.

r/glitchinthematrix posted:

I predicted the future
Happened a month ago, I was watching videos on youtube lying in my sofa when suddenly for no reason I woke up and went to the kitchen, grab some paper towels and back to the sofa, I was there like : why the gently caress did I grab paper towels? And then thing went weird, I got up to put them on the table, spilled my cup of tea i put next to my computer...

Dude definitely was going to masturbate out of habit and spilled his drink

r/glitchinthematrix posted:

People in my neighborhood just freeze sometimes

Sometimes I’ll be in the car or taking a walk when I’ll see people just completely frozen. Nothing else around them freezes, just them. Sometimes they’re walking their dogs, sometimes they water their garden, but they’re frozen. It happens maybe twice a month?

Like a few weeks ago, I was in the car, and I looked over and saw this dude just standing there with his dog. Neither he nor the dog moved. He stood there for a good 30+ minutes, because he was still there when I came back from the fast food run.

And a few weeks before that, I saw 4 people having a “conversation“ where they were facing each other and one person’s mouth was open like they were speaking, but no sound was coming out and they were all eerily still.

reply posted:

I was taking prescription pills with something called medaphonil and I started seeing people just standing so impossibly still I thought I was dreaming, turns out it was a side affect of the combination of pills causing schizophrenia symptoms, if you see it often enough where you feel you should post about it maybe go to a doctor.

Kevin DuBrow fucked around with this message at 15:51 on Sep 20, 2021

# ? Sep 20, 2021 15:44

El Jeffe: Dec 24, 2009

r/PoliticalCompassMemes just found out about trans men and they are not taking it well

(somewhat NWS)

# ? Sep 20, 2021 22:40

Yellow Yoshi: Apr 29, 2020; Figure 1: Mario's weird dog

i hate what has happened to the word "glitch"

yes language evolves in general but theres a difference between evolution and loving it up from being misinformed about meanings of words

# ? Sep 21, 2021 00:56

RPATDO_LAMD: Mar 22, 2013; 🐘🪠🍆

Kevin DuBrow posted:

Dude definitely was going to masturbate out of habit and spilled his drink

please do not use paper towels for this purpose

# ? Sep 21, 2021 03:46

AmiYumi: Oct 10, 2005; I FORGOT TO HAIL KING TORG

Kevin DuBrow posted:

I went missing for two hours at my intern workplace

�I just went to the bathroom, did my usual 8:30 heroin, and then POOF it was two hours later!�

# ? Sep 21, 2021 04:55

Milo and POTUS: Sep 3, 2017; I will not shut up about the Mighty Morphin Power Rangers. I talk about them all the time and work them into every conversation I have. I built a shrine in my room for the yellow one who died because sadly no one noticed because she died around 9/11. Wanna see it?

https://old.reddit.com/r/AskReddit/comments/psqqlp/what_purpose_does_a_mistress_serve/

# ? Sep 22, 2021 01:33

Cognac McCarthy: Oct 5, 2008; It's a man's game, but boys will play

I read "mistress" as "mattress", and that's honestly the Redditor question I'd expect to see

# ? Sep 22, 2021 02:12

ScienceSeagull: May 17, 2021; Figure 1 Smart birds.

Isn't there a "frugal" community on Reddit that gets really weird about buying/replacing mattresses?

You know what they say, a mistress is half way between a mister and a mattress!

# ? Sep 22, 2021 02:37

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

My wife just died, better post about it on the meme stock group and reference said meme

# ? Sep 22, 2021 07:32

Pac and Cheese: Oct 29, 2010; gotta walk fast

quote:

I make have to take some trendies to afford her expenses

he's fishing for dogecoin tips his wife is definitely still alive/fake

# ? Sep 22, 2021 07:52

gbs but from 2004: Oct 24, 2004; wow u rude pig

"i STarTed this TOIlEt Of A tHreaD aNd HAve sOmEHOW aVoidEd A red teXt"

Mac and Cheese posted:

he's fishing for dogecoin tips his wife is definitely still alive/fake

seeing as it�s reddit it�s definitely 50/50

# ? Sep 22, 2021 09:05

EL BROMANCE: Jun 10, 2006; COWABUNGA DUDES!
🥷🐢😬

Yeah that one is tricky, as the Reddit aspect makes me not trust it for the reasons above but as someone who went through the same thing I know that grief can come out in weird and dumb ways and maybe that�s just that guys way of coping.

# ? Sep 22, 2021 10:15

Biplane: Jul 18, 2005

EL BROMANCE posted:

Yeah that one is tricky, as the Reddit aspect makes me not trust it for the reasons above but as someone who went through the same thing I know that grief can come out in weird and dumb ways and maybe that’s just that guys way of coping.

You killed your wife as part of a cryptocurrency scheme?

# ? Sep 22, 2021 10:33

Jestery: Aug 2, 2016; Not a Dickman, just a shape

wifEcoin

# ? Sep 22, 2021 11:25

Theophany: Jul 22, 2014; SUCCHIAMI IL MIO CAZZO DA DIETRO, RANA RAGAZZO

2022 FIA Formula 1 WDC

I mean it's better than the paedophile poo poo he draws but I really don't get why this has 50,000 upvotes.

# ? Sep 22, 2021 13:21

Adbot: ADBOT LOVES YOU

# ? Jun 8, 2024 16:18

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Why is he trying to open a ketchup packet, without any food, like there's not even fries next to him, at an inspirational speaker's talk?

Like, the setup doesn't even make enough sense to carry you through a three-panel to the punchline without questioning it

# ? Sep 22, 2021 13:29

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