- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2024 21:47
|
|
- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
-
I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
|
AITA for being upset that my roommate didn't tell us he was bisexual?
quote:
So here's the situation:
I (25F) live with my cousin Bree (27F) in a small 3 bedroom townhouse and last year we welcomed in another roommate "Claude" (25M) to rent the 3rd room.
From the very beginning, Claude told us he was gay and had a long distance boyfriend. Both me and my cousin assumed by "gay" he meant he was exclusively attracted to men and NOT women. With us, Claude would only refer to himself as gay ... never bi or bisexual. Obviously we just assumed he was male attracted only.
Because we assumed our roomate Claude was gay, Bree and I let our guards down when it came to clothing...
We'd walk around the house in skimpy clothing and underwear all the time, especially when it was a hot day. We felt comfortable coming out of the shower in a small towel and walking around the house or sitting on the couch with only a small towel wrapped around our bodies to cover us. When we came home from work we'd often take our bras off and walk around the house braless. We'd also often walk around in just a shirt and panties.
Claude was perfectly okay with this (we checked with him to make sure he wasn't uncomfortable with female half nudity), and again, we assumed he was male attracted only so no issue...
So recently Claude broke up with his long distance boyfriend. He's been on tinder and yesterday he showed me a picture of someone he's going on a date with this Saturday and ...she's a woman???
I was obviously confused and asked Claude "umm, why are you going on a date with a woman? I thought you were gay??" Claude laughed and said he was actually bisexual, but usually just referred to himself as gay.
I admit, I got pretty upset. I asked why in the 12 months he's been living with us he never told us he was bisexual? He asked why it was a big deal and i said that I would never have walked around the house in my underwear if I knew he was also attracted to women.
I also told Claude he should've known better and been upfront that he was bisexual when moving in with 2 women. Because if you just say "gay" of course we're going to assume you mean male only attracted unless you state otherwise.
Claude was upset and called my biphobic ... but I told him I wasn't, I was just upset that he didn't disclose he was also attracted to women when moving in with 2 women... especially considering Bree and I were walking around half nude all the time under the assumption he only liked men. Why wouldn't he just clarify he was bisexual with us earlier ???
So I guess I wanted to ask this sub, am I biphobic rear end in a top hat? Maybe I am and I'm just not seeing it...
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 05:41
|
|
- MarcusSA
- Sep 23, 2007
-
|
AITA for being upset that my roommate didn't tell us he was bisexual?
Dude totally knew what he was doing.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 05:47
|
|
- Professor Latency
- Mar 30, 2011
-
|
Dude totally knew what he was doing.
for sure. but, like, who walks around nearly naked around a stranger? even your cousin? am i a total prude?
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 05:59
|
|
- A Wizard of Goatse
- Dec 14, 2014
-
|
for sure. but, like, who walks around nearly naked around a stranger? even your cousin? am i a total prude?
It's great for winning arguments, depending on how upsetting you look
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 06:14
|
|
- NO FUCK YOU DAD
- Oct 23, 2008
-
|
AITA for being upset that my roommate didn't tell us he was bisexual?
YTA. He's under no obligation to provide you with a list of what does and does not give him a boner. You, however, are under social obligation to not make your living arrangement awkward as gently caress by walking around half naked in front of people.
Dude totally knew what he was doing.
Not necessarily. There's a whole bunch of reasons why a bisexual man would define himself as "gay" and I think that's likely to be the case here. I don't buy this guy being some sort of mastermind who lied about his sexuality in the hope that OP and her cousin were weirdos who think it's fine to wander around half naked in shared housing.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 06:23
|
|
- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
-
|
for sure. but, like, who walks around nearly naked around a stranger? even your cousin? am i a total prude?
Many all woman's apartment I've known do this, although admittedly one was two women who refused to say they were anything but straight despite buying each other forever rings.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 06:24
|
|
- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
-
I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
|
It's great for winning arguments, depending on how upsetting you look
All I can say is it’s a good thing homegroan isn’t allowed on the forums.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 06:25
|
|
- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
-
I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
|
YTA. He's under no obligation to provide you with a list of what does and does not give him a boner. You, however, are under social obligation to not make your living arrangement awkward as gently caress by walking around half naked in front of people.
Not necessarily. There's a whole bunch of reasons why a bisexual man would define himself as "gay" and I think that's likely to be the case here. I don't buy this guy being some sort of mastermind who lied about his sexuality in the hope that OP and her cousin were weirdos who think it's fine to wander around half naked in shared housing.
It’s pretty common for people to walk around partially dressed in their own home unless there is a visitor or someone who might make it awkward. She was obviously a lot more comfortable doing that in front of a gay man than someone who might enjoy the show. It’s possible she wouldn’t have even roomed with a guy that she thought was attracted to women.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 06:29
|
|
- Tobermory
- Mar 31, 2011
-
|
I don't know how I feel about the op yet but there's one really good reason for bisexual people to define themselves as whatever is the standard for their current relationship:
a lot of people have really, REALLY lovely opinions about bisexuals and would love to share those opinions at length if given any opportunity
Also, in my experience, there tends to be a lot of blowback when you say "sure, I'm attracted to <specific members of your gender>, I'm just not attracted to YOU". It's totally possible that roomie isn't into the OP at all, but he doesn't want to proactively explain why he doesn't think of the OP as fuckable.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 06:41
|
|
- NO FUCK YOU DAD
- Oct 23, 2008
-
|
It’s pretty common for people to walk around partially dressed in their own home unless there is a visitor or someone who might make it awkward. She was obviously a lot more comfortable doing that in front of a gay man than someone who might enjoy the show. It’s possible she wouldn’t have even roomed with a guy that she thought was attracted to women.
It's not her own home, though, is it? It's got that dude in it. When I lived with roommates I wouldn't have walked around half naked. Not because I thought they'd get off to it but because it's rude. The guy's not been inappropriate to OP or her cousin and hasn't done anything to indicate he's "enjoying the show". He's done nothing wrong.
Also, in my experience, there tends to be a lot of blowback when you say "sure, I'm attracted to <specific members of your gender>, I'm just not attracted to YOU". It's totally possible that roomie isn't into the OP at all, but he doesn't want to proactively explain why he doesn't think of the OP as fuckable.
Also this. I wouldn't have gotten mad if any of the guys I've roomed with turned out to be attracted to men, because I understand that "attracted to men" is not the same as "attracted to my goony rear end".
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 06:45
|
|
- Serephina
- Nov 8, 2005
-
恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー
|
OP sucks poo poo for planning(presumably, not that it's any better if it was unplanned) a pregnancy while there's a dementia patient in the home. His wife 100% did some serious reevaluation of the situation after getting pregnant and his dumb rear end refuses to believe why it's a problem because ~she made her choice when we got married~. (she also should have done this reevaluation before getting pregnant, but better late than never)
Look: Dementia is a horrible disease and you're often between a rock and a hard place when deciding between lovely nursing homes vs the horrible soul-sucking grind of trying to take care of a loved one in your own home. It's extra horrible reading between the lines here that OP's mom likely has early onset dementia(given his age and the fact that it was a thing before he even got married), meaning they could be dealing with this for decades. But if you make the decision to bring a demented parent into your home indefinitely, you do not bring a baby into that. It's not fair to your kid or your parent.
If having his wife rent a place right next door is unironically an option, him and her should move there so they can get some space from his mom+caretaker team(and so having a new baby in the home doesn't make his mom's dementia worse, or possibly create danger for the baby because granny thinks it's her own baby/granny doesn't remember that babies don't go in the fridge/etc). Of course he's not going to, because his wife and child are obviously just an afterthought to him, and he's going to be really mystified that his kid will resent growing up in this situation. (assuming his wife doesn't divorce him first)
Small nit; mum was there first. It's not bringing dementia to a nuclear household, it's bringing a child into a multi-generational house. I'm giving OP credit for getting a caretaker asap, I kinda feel this is a NAH situation even if he's taking a assholish hardline to his wife's second thoughts (Bit loving late, isn't it?)
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 06:53
|
|
- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
-
I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
|
They aren’t assholes for having a kid just because mom lives there and has dementia. Multi-generational homes are the rule, not the exception, in a lot of the world. His wife married him and moved in knowing that his mother was there and needed to be cared for. If dude was being traditional about it, he would tell his wife that she needs to take care of her mother in law. Instead he’s doing something much better and hiring a caregiver. He was pretty upfront about his mom not going anywhere. His wife is being a tad unreasonable.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 06:57
|
|
- spouse
- Nov 10, 2008
-
When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.
|
My (26F) husband's (27M) mistress (22F) came to visit a week after his death.
quote:
I want to apologize for any mistake I make as english is not my fist tongue.
My late husband and I were married for 3 years and dated for 10, we had two babies (3M & 9mo M), he was the love of my life and I thought that I was his. He was funny, smart and kind, he loved our children dearly and I never suspected that he could've a mistress or a double life.
Long story short, he died from covid last week after being for almost a month in the hospital, his death came so sudden because he was getting better and we were waiting for his discharged that same week, my In Law's (MIL, FIL and BIL 23m)are so crushed, he was their oldest and there's nothing I can say or do to make their heart feel less heavy, they've found hope and comfort in our children and I invited them to stay with us for the following weeks so they can get out of the house his son grow up, I know that our home isn't any better, but at least they aren't overwhelmed with memories every time they look at some corner of the room.
My MIL said that there was something important we needed to discuss before I invited them into my home. She said that my husband had been ''seeing'' another girl for the past 2 years, that she was 22 now, married and had a boy and was currently pregnant, that the boy was his and she was 100% the other was too but they had to run a test. She tried to talk to be about being able to love multiple people, that my husband had provide for us successfully and that her ''other'' grandchildren deserved to be looked at too. My FIL and BIL didn't know about this and the two of them berate her after I started to cry, it was honestly so awful, I asked her out and my FIL followed her to keep her safe, my BIL stayed with me.
She came back yesterday, apparently my husband's other children aren't registered as his because the girl told her husband that they're them (that's why they married), he's gonna sue her and they want me to support her because my husband left us well off, I've nothing against those kids I swear it, but this is a messed up situation and it's so fresh. I don't want to support her, I don't want to pay for her lawyers and I want to cut my MIL off, my FIL, BIL and my parents agrees with me, but I don't want this to be a rushed decision, so I'm asking for any help and advice I can help.
EDIT: I forgot to add when she visited us, she came this morning with the baby in her arm and a big belly, she wanted to talk to me but I asked her to leave, she tried to play the ''I loved him too'' card so I said that if she didn't leave immediately I was gonna call the police, my FIL heard the commotion and came to see what was happening, I left him to deal with her and I don't know what happened after.
My take: MIL wants all her dead son's kids to grow up happy and healthy (and around her to replace her dead son), and easiest way she sees is through dead son's estate, regardless of the feelings of his widow who just found out her dead soulmate was loving some strange for yeeeeears on the side AND had kids with.
The bright side is the filthy bastard died of covid. Take your victories where you can get them. 
 the MIL (from this mortal plane), gently caress her husband too.
spouse fucked around with this message at 07:13 on Oct 22, 2021
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 07:10
|
|
- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
-
I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
|
If paternity is established then they may have a claim.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 07:33
|
|
- therobit
- Aug 19, 2008
-
I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time
|
AITA for wearing clothes that my step mom gave me around my mom?
quote:
I (20 F) have divorced parents. It was a really bitter divorce and my dad remarried afterwards, but my mom really hates my stepmom. She hates that I go to the gym where my stepmom works. She hates when I wear anything that my stepmom gave me. She hates when my stepmom does anything for me (unless it saves her money) and she hates when I wear things that LOOK like things my stepmom would wear. The thing is, I lost a lot of weight and so I don't have a lot of stuff that properly fits me. I have a lot of gymwear that my stepmom gave me and my mom tears me apart whenever I wear it. I know the divorce was bitter, but I just don't have a lot of clothes I can wear plus it's really starting to tear apart my self esteem being told I look like "that whore" (stepmom) when I'm wearing perfectly modest clothing.
quote: NTA although I wonder why your mom hates your stepmom. Did your dad cheat on your mom with your now stepmom?
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 07:45
|
|
- pentyne
- Nov 7, 2012
-
|
Y'all missed the part where the mistress is married and her husband was raising the first kid? Like had him on the birth certificate and everything?
It's gonna be messy as hell but I don't think custody battles allow a women to sue a widow who inherited the biological father's assets for a share after the fact. What even would be the ruling? That financial assets, now legally recognized as OP's who has no connection to the affair babies, are suddenly up for re-evaluation? Is the whole problem with wills and inheritance that if someone is excluded or left out, tough luck?
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 07:48
|
|
- Beachcomber
- May 21, 2007
-
Another day in paradise.
-
Slippery Tilde
|
I have yet to re-find the one with the woman who was cheating on her fiance up to the week of the wedding because she believed that none of that mattered once they were married and he wasn't allowed to hold it against her. And that it was her mom who taught her that.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 07:54
|
|
- reignonyourparade
- Nov 15, 2012
-
|
By my understanding anything that was left to her directly nobody else would have any claim on, anything left to her kids the unborn kid who will presumably have him on their birth certificate will have an equal claim to and... the kid with the mistress's husband on the birth certificate would indeed be a giant mess. If you want to disinherit a child reliably you gotta call them out or even better leave them a token amount, simply not mentioning them will not be held up by most courts.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 08:04
|
|
- Tobermory
- Mar 31, 2011
-
|
I can't decide if this is incredibly sweet, or just incredibly creepy.
What makes dads happy?
quote:
Weird title, but lemme explain.
I(22f) never had a father who loved me as a child, I didn't know him at all when he lived in my home, then he left when I was about 12 and never really cared to visit or even contact me. When I was 13, I went to a small school, and I was dealing with some very dark and heavy struggles and was in an abusive home situation. The principal(36m) there took notice of me, we became very close, he counseled me through many issues, and he started treating me as his own and being there for me to care for and protect me. I've never lived with him nor was I officially adopted, but we are 100% dad and daughter.
The trouble comes in now. He and his family moved pretty far from me for a few years for his job, but this year, his life has fallen apart a bit for reasons that aren't mine to share, but essentially, he had to make a very tough decision, that only makes sense with information that can't be shared with most people. People here who were once his friends do not understand nor consider the depth of matters, and are only interested in trying to control how he handles his life, or not speaking to him. He's moved closer to where I am again to start a company and has taken me on as his secretary, so we've gotten to spend more time together, but it's difficult. I enjoy every moment with him, more than I can express. Having my dad around is my favorite thing, I've missed him so much while he was gone, but I feel so selfish with that, because I know he's extremely sad. I know most of why, but he also doesn't want to put his emotional burdens on his children so he is very careful talking with me about how he feels or what he's struggling with.
I know I can't make it better, I can't give him advice or change what has happened in his life, but I want to brighten up his days in any ways I possibly can. Do any of you know what can make dads smile?
TL;DR: didn't have a dad at home, got a store-bought one. Need advice on how to handle it
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 08:18
|
|
- Barudak
- May 7, 2007
-
|
I can't decide if this is incredibly sweet, or just incredibly creepy.
What makes dads happy?
Oh hey, thread, can you hold this for me? <gives you a paperbag filled with all my life's remaining screams>
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 08:26
|
|
- Beachcomber
- May 21, 2007
-
Another day in paradise.
-
Slippery Tilde
|
She claims to be aromantic/asexual, and that she could never see him that way, if that's any help.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 08:29
|
|
- spouse
- Nov 10, 2008
-
When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.
|
I can't decide if this is incredibly sweet, or just incredibly creepy.
What makes dads happy?
It's written all sortsa weird, but the general theme is "how do I help this man who is a father figure to me and doesn't feel like he can burden me with his emotional baggage?"
The answer, at least to me, is pretty simple: make sure he knows he's loved and appreciated, through words or actions, and guide him towards people who actually can help with whatever problem this is.
I went through a really difficult period in my early 20's and one day, a woman who was my friend (not girlfriend) showed up and just fuckin' cleaned my apartment. She said I needed it, and I did, and even though she turned out to not be the best person (to me or anyone else), I still remember that moment as being this warm, glowing reminder that there were people in my life who cared about me beyond what I could do for them. It helped me through that. Sometimes you just need a little kindness and care, and a lot of men rarely get that without asking for it, for a multitude of reasons.
Or who knows, maybe it's a prequel to her loving her pseudodad and that's why it's written all weird.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 08:33
|
|
- Ghost Leviathan
- Mar 2, 2017
-
Exploration is ill-advised.
|
You have to be a Mason to be a Shriner, and the Shriners are big into clowns. My uncle used to do a least one clown gig a month on the side, on his time off from of his radiator repair business, and would always have the checks made out to the Shriners hospital.
What is this, a prestige class?
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 09:02
|
|
- MagusofStars
- Mar 31, 2012
-
|
I have yet to re-find the one with the woman who was cheating on her fiance up to the week of the wedding because she believed that none of that mattered once they were married and he wasn't allowed to hold it against her. And that it was her mom who taught her that.
Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long)
quote:
The time frame is important here. We have been married for 3 years. We were together as a couple for 2 years before that. So we've been together for about 5 years.
Two weekends ago her sister got married and of course my wife was in the wedding party. So as you would expect she spent the two weeks prior to the wedding helping her sister get everything ready. No big deal at all, she kept me informed and I knew this was going to happen.
She took that Wednesday - Friday off of work to help her and in fact stayed with her three days. I certainly know her sister but I barely know the guy who is now my brother in law, in fact only met him a few times but he seems nice enough.
I show up Saturday morning a few hours before the ceremony in hopes of stealing just a few minutes to see her, not wanting to intrude on the day since I know she is busy but I hadn't seen her since Tuesday. She see's me outside of her parents house and sends her brother out to tell me that she will come out and see me at the car. Which I thought was odd but whatever. She finally comes out and sits in the seat next to me and gives me a kiss but instead of acting happy to see me or whatever she tells me that she has to talk to me and she doesn't want it to ruin her sisters day.
She informs me that at the reception (if I still want to go) I might hear some things about the best man and her and she didn't want it to be awkward or weird. I just kind of sat there stunned.
She said that about 4 years ago she had a fling with him and that it didn't mean anything but she was aware that by nature I'm somewhat jealous and she wanted me to know in advance so that if I heard something that I wouldn't be surprised. Again I just kind of sat there, this was not how I thought my morning would go but I told her I appreciated knowing it and that it certainly wasn't a big deal now.
She went back in the house and I went to eat lunch and decided to meet her at the church. As I'm eating and reading my phone it dawns on me, she said she had a fling with him 4 years ago and we've been together 5. My first reaction was to blow it off and think that she just told me the wrong time but the more I thought about it the more I started to remember about a year and a half of us being together she had a phase where she was really sketchy about her behavior, wasn't available when she normally was and went on two weekend camping trips that were with friends from work.
Of course I'm a little knotted up over this but I know I have a long day ahead of me. I go to the wedding and sit there watching everything. After the wedding they have a line that you walk by and congratulate the bride and groom and the wedding party is standing in line as well. My wife is standing with some other guy (I don't know him at all) but the best man was there and I just went down the line and acted like no big deal.
Get to the reception and it takes forever for them to come because of photo's. She finally gets there and sits with me. I decided not to say anything as I didn't want to distract from the day. But instead of just letting it go she then tells me that each of the groomsmen and bridesmaids are going to dance and that she is going to be dancing with him. I ask why when she was not his partner for the party and she said that the maid of honor and her partner were actually married and wanted to dance with each other. At this point I'm a little more than perturbed but I try and not let it show. Thankfully I was smart enough to not drink because I freely admit I'm an angry drunk so I know when not to even partake.
She talks to everyone around her and then the dance comes and he comes over and extends his arm and she gets up. I try not to watch and in fact I make it a point not to. She comes back with him in tow and they are joking like the best of friends. She decides that it would be a good idea to introduce us and while I didn't say to gently caress off like I wanted to my greeting to him was probably than cordial. But it did not deter him from sitting and talking with her for a few minutes. The more they sat and talked and reminisced about old times and places the madder I got. Eventually I got up and went to the bathroom and when I came back he was gone.
She decided to tell me that she thought I was rude which was not what I was all about hearing at the moment. I told her that this wasn't the time or place to talk about it but rest assured we would talk later. She sat there and then said that she was going to change cloths and as soon as she got back she was telling her sister that we were leaving because I had ruined her day but she didn't want me to ruin her sisters day as well. I told her that I was perfectly capable of not being a bother to her or her sister the rest of the day and that I did not want to be the cause of any drama so I would prefer to just stay.
She went and changed clothes and then came back all in a huff. Now understand I have not said a word to her I even shook the other guy's hand. I guess I just looked miserable so that is what she was basing this off of. She was adamant about not staying and so I said that if she really wanted to go we could go but if she would rather stay I would be happy to stay or if she would like since I came in my own car I would leave so she could stay.
She at first said that we should stay but then said if I couldn't act any better I should leave. I asked how I was acting and she said it was obvious I was trying to be like a silverback gorilla wanting to fight. I didn't know whether to laugh in her face or be offended. I went back in and sat down while she mingled with the other guest. I talked with her brother for awhile but then ultimately ended up back at our table talking with her grandma.
We leave at the same time and I arrived home just before she did. I was sitting in the living room waiting on her when she came in and did not beat around the bush. I simply asked her to retell me the story about this other guy and she said it word for word like before. After sitting and looking at her for a time I just said are you sure about the time frame and she said she was. I then reminded her that we had been together for 5 years so this "fling" was well over a year into our being together. What happened next I can't really put into words. Instead of being flustered or denying or anything she simply said "I know".
So I asked her to explain and she tells me that they worked together and that it was just a physical thing and she felt like we weren't in a great place at the time and that she never had any feelings for him and never had any real intentions of leaving me, she just was having some fun for a few weekends. She said that it was probably a mistake on her part to tell me now but she didn't want me to get blindsided. I did not take this the way she thought I would I guess. We had a very large argument and ended when she told me I was being a child about all of this. That we were married and this happened way before that and our life together now has nothing to do with him or that time.
Well two things. One I adamantly disagree about this has no bearing on us. She loving cheated on me and doesn't even have the god drat decency to feel guilty about it. Two I hate being told I am childish when I get upset over something. It pisses me off to no end because that is her way of acting superior to me. I told her I needed time to think and she told me there was nothing to think about. We loved each other and this didn't change anything.
That was two weeks ago and I still am not over it. She has been trying the past few days to get me to talk to her but I admit that for whatever reason I'm not viewing her the same as I did before this. Part of me is like that this is stupid, it happened a few years ago and we are married now and there hasn't been any problems at all. But then part of me is like I just found out she cheated on me and it hurts like a mother fucker and what makes it worse is that instead of trying to understand how I feel she is trying to guilt me into just not even thinking about it. I don't know what to do.
I'm sorry for the length I probably should have cut out some of the wedding stuff but it all came out at once.
tl;dr: Wife had a "fling" when she was my girlfriend, thinks I should just be okay with it but I'm not.
Update 1: Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long)
quote:
First I want to clarify something from my first post that I really did not spell out very well, it doesn't have any real baring on anything but for some reason it bugs me that I made this part sort of murky.
The maid of honor (not my wife) was married to the groomsman who my wife walked down the aisle with. There were some people who felt my wife was trying to arrange the dance but I do know for fact that this part was legit, however it doesn't mean she didn't try and offer to let them dance or any other form of manipulation but I just wanted to try and clear that part up a little.
I'm here because I have gotten honest to God over 40 request for an up date since last week. Thank you for your guys concern on this and I wish I had some really ballsy statement to make about how I stood tall and kicked her to the curb but sadly that is just not what happened. To be blunt I'm in limbo.
There have been developments but all they have done is make it harder for me to decide. Last week I was mostly angry then as the weekend progressed I became mostly sad. I want to be able to hate her and flip that switch that tells me I'm being walked on and am a sucker but it's just very hard for me to do that because I still love her and this is ripping me apart.
Here is what has happened of any consequence. She finally came to the realization that I was not going to just get over this. This then brought her to the realization that I might want out of the marriage. This then brought on a near nervous breakdown from her.
Someone (hell a lot) from the first post stated that she would try and manipulate me like that and believe me I was taking those words to heart when I thought she was having crocodile tears. But it soon became apparent to me that she wasn't acting or faking, she was having a legitimate panic attack. This led to an E.R. visit and that led to an overnight stay in the Hospital and then to new medications and a scheduled follow up with her Doctor for later next week.
This brought her family into it and that in turn led to long conversations all the way around. When we got home (with her family in tow) I asked what she wanted to do since there was a house full of people and she said she wanted to be with her Mom for awhile. That was fine with me as I had no desire to hang around all day with her Dad or Sister so I said I was going to go finish up something at work and would be home later. Two hours after I get there I get a text from her begging me to please come home and that she really needs me to talk with her. So I finish up what I was doing and head home. I am greeted on my own front porch by her Dad who asks if he can talk to me for a minute. My anger level was already somewhat high but I was ready to go to war if she had dumped a poo poo sack of lies on me with her Dad. I mean its not like he and I are best friends and poo poo but I've never had a bad moment with him so I really wasn't going to be happy about being the bastard who broke his baby's heart.
We set on our deck chairs and he loving floored me with his opening salvo. I was expecting to hear anything but what he said.
He said that she told them what had happened and that he wanted to apologize to me because he said that he felt like he did a really lovely job as a parent and that this mindset that she had was really a creation of her mothers and that while he loved both of them he said they were wrong and he had told his wife years ago that telling the girls that whatever happens before marriage doesn't count was a horrible idea and value system to install in them. He then said that he wasn't there to stand up for what his daughter did but he just wanted me to be aware that what she was saying and how she was acting was simply because she honestly believed that being married was an entirely different life and that they (Mom & Dad) had romanticized marriage to the point that she wasn't understanding real life.
Basically he was kind of throwing his wife under the bus but again this is not what I was expecting at all.
We shook hands and he said that no matter what I decided he still thought very highly of me, which honestly made me feel really good for that moment.
I then went inside and my wife is curled up in a ball on her Mom's lap and you can tell she has been crying the entire time I've been gone. Mom gets up and comes and hugs me and tells me she is sorry and that she loves me and she is praying that we can work this out. My wife is laid out on the couch at this point. Her Mom and Dad leave and she sits there looking at me and crying.
Ok, this is where I'm going to piss off everybody and just tell you that I couldn't take it. I went to her and we hugged for a long time with her telling me over and over how sorry she was. Hey I know it was the weak thing to do but again I have to say in my defense that just before this incident occurred I loved her with all of my heart and would have done anything to not see her in pain, whatever she had done I still didn't want to see her like that. Look it's very possible that she was putting on an Oscar worthy acting job, but I don't honestly think so. She really seemed broken at that point in time.
After awhile when she calmed down I asked her what she wanted me to come home and talk about and she said she wanted to get everything out in the open so I didn't feel like I was being lied to or manipulated. So she wanted me to ask her questions and I wish I had written down a list but I came up with a few off the top of my head.
She was brutally honest with me and some of the questions I asked I probably shouldn't have because now the mental image is stuck in there but honestly it was there anyway I just now have confirmation. First I asked for dates or at the very least approximate dates (I didn't tell her about the engagement concern I had because I didn't want her to change story's) and she remembered exactly when they occurred. Fortunately this happened a little earlier in our relationship than she told me initially and so we were not engaged when this happened. I can't tell you what a relief that was because I became physically ill when I thought about that when someone said it in my last post. Second I asked how many times. She went over board with this because instead of just telling me how many different dates she decided to tell me how many times there was penetration (she wasn't doing it to be mean she honestly thought that is what I wanted to know). This part of the conversation did not help me any at all and in fact almost broke me down. In truth it wasn't that often and in fact there were really only 3 different days it happened on but there were several times during those three days.
Then came the hard part. Why did she do it? Okay again I'm not the most manly of men and I am ashamed to admit this but I couldn't get this out without starting to cry. I asked why wasn't I good enough, why him, why did she not just leave me. It was her turn to hold me because at this point everything came rushing at me. Her telling me, me having to watch them laugh with each other, her now telling me how many times they did it and where they did it.
She talked during this but to this moment I have no idea what she said. I was to upset and honestly nothing she was going to say was going to make a bit of difference anyway. But after I composed myself I simply told her that the betrayal was horrible but honestly her response to me when I found out was just as bad if not worse.
She agreed with me and she apologized for calling me immature. She said that she honestly believed that it wouldn't matter to me now because we were married (when she said this my blood started to boil again). I started to say something about it but she jumped in and said that after talking with her parents she now sees that this was very wrong of her and that cheating is cheating but she still feels like that our happiness that we have shared since being married should count for something. I then replied that I kind of felt like that happiness was built on a lie.
This led to another break down on her part and almost another E.R. visit. But between Ativan and having her breath into a paper sack we got her calmed down. I let her sleep the rest of the night feeling like emotionally we were both tired but come Sunday we were talking again. By this time I wasn't as sympathetic as I had been when we got home from the E.R. I told her that I thought her introducing him to me was lovely, me having to watch her dance with him was extra lovely and the fact that she only told me because she was going to get caught was an elite level of lovely. Which then I demanded to know why did she think I would find out and how many of the loving people at the wedding knew besides me. Well obviously the guy knew, but then his best friend in the world also knew (did I mention that fucker is now my brother in law) which then led to her sister finding out and she was afraid her sister was going to be the one to tell me.
I asked how often she see's this guy and she said that the wedding is the first time she has seen him in 3 years.
Then I lost my poo poo and asked her if she hosed him during any of the lead up to the wedding. She got all pissy about it acting like she wouldn't gently caress anyone because she was married and I just lost my poo poo and had to leave for awhile because once again I felt like she was living on "Married Planet" or some such poo poo and the world there is a different place than for the rest of us.
I finally got cooled off enough to come home and try and be civil about things. She finally asked me what she could do to help me get past all of this, which may not sound like much but it was the first time she offered to help me really so it was at least a nice gesture. I told her I wasn't sure what she could do or if there was anything either of us could do and that I may never get over this.
She said that she wanted to help because she didn't want to see me in pain and that over the years she hopes I'll be able to judge her based on who she is now. She would do anything I wanted to work this out. She also wanted to be sure that I knew that she has been 100% faithful since we've been married and would never cheat on her vows. I sarcastically thanked her (which I admit wasn't the most mature thing to do).
I then asked for a moratorium from further talks till at least Wednesday. I have two projects I have to get done and honestly I'm just exhausted and no I have no loving clue what I want to do. I shift between periods of red hot anger where I want to kick her out and then periods of deep emotional turmoil where I want to just forget this and move forward with her. Yes I know this is not what anyone wanted to hear and no I'm not proud to type it but it is what it is at the moment.
tl;dr: Wife finally realized this was serious and then had near nervous breakdown resulting in hospitalization. Long talks ensued.
Update 2:Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long)
quote:
I have been absolutely overwhelmed by the responses I have received over this. I have gotten over 400 private messages and I just can not respond to all of them or any of them anymore as it would take me a week to do that. I want to thank all of you who have written to me and those of you who this struck a chord with all I can say is that I'm sorry you had to go through this as well. I wouldn't wish this on my worst enemy.
I do want to say one thing though as the vast majority of the people contacting me via p.m. were all afraid to bring up their point of view in the open for fear of being harassed. I have honestly taken both points of view into consideration and there has been some great advice and some not so great but I think people's hearts are in the right place. I just wish that if people disagreed with each other they wouldn't feel the need to demonize a person because of a point of view.
Okay for the hundreds of you that have been clamoring for an update here it is. As you know I asked to just drop it till last night so I could focus on a job related item I had to get done. She kept her word about it but I could tell she was very emotional and honestly nervous. She is taking some strong benzodiazepines for her anxiety but even as strong as it is I can still see how anxious she had been. I wasn't intentionally trying to punish her, in fact quite the opposite I really was trying to give her a break as much as me, but she told me last night that not holding her or showing any real affection towards her was almost torture to her.
Well last night finally arrived and we had what my Dad always called a "come to Jesus meeting". I got home from work and I brought dinner so there would be no distractions of clean up or anything. We started talking around 6 and finally ended around 2ish. In that time frame we laid out a lot of issues that have been present and what or if we are both willing to do to move forward. Long story short starting today I am living with my brother for the next few (not sure). She is understandably upset by all of this and I am making an effort to communicate openly with her so she does not feel abandoned or neglected. If your wondering how we got from talking to me living with my brother here it is in a nutshell.
I know this is not going to make several of you very happy but here is where I am going with this. I want to save my marriage, but I can't do it living what I feel was somewhat a lie. I know she never intended to lie once we were married but when I sat down and thought about this one question "would I have stayed with her if I had known at the time she did this"? Each and every time I answered "no". So to me she took away my ability to choose whether or not I wanted to continue and we built the next few years based on the foundation of something that wasn't quite true. However the truth is, we still built something. Sometimes foundations can be repaired and sometimes you have to tear them down to build new on.
This is what I'm hoping to do. I'm hoping to shake things up enough for both of us so that we can start over. Like I said in the very first post, our marriage until this point had been what I would consider to be perfect or as perfect as any one thing can be.
But there were some very troubling things that occurred due to this and here is a brief synopsis of our talk. I laid out the fact that while I absolutely was upset about the cheating and yes I still consider it cheating (which she has now come to realize that this is the way it is and is going to be considered) I was equally upset by her lack of consideration for my feelings on this. I told her that I resented being told I was immature and a child for something that objectively speaking I had every right to be upset about.
Her response was to apologize and tell me she was in the wrong and that while she admits fault and see's what I'm saying that at the time she had convinced herself that because we were married that I was wrong to be upset about something that happened before hand but she now see's where this is wrong. I then told her that I felt very disrespected by her associating with this guy right in front of me and that I felt humiliated having to shake his hand. Her response was to once again apologize and she said that in her mind at the time she felt like she was trying to show me that there was nothing there. She said she felt like if she avoided him or acted shady around him that I would be more upset (I told her she was wrong). She said that out of all of the things this is the one that has hit her the most in the face because even her sister has told her how poor this was for her to do to me and she was deeply hurt by this because it had hurt me which she never wanted to do. I then talked about her lack of remorse over being with someone else while we were together.
Her only response was to say that she was very sorry, how that at the time she just used very poor judgment and if she could go back and change the past she would. Then came the talk that got the most discussion. How I felt like she really wasn't sorry for anything but that she was just sorry that I didn't just shrug my shoulders and say that everything was going to be okay. That there were going to be repercussions for what I considered to be an act of betrayal and then an act of not caring about me.
I'll give her full credit here, she was brutally honest about this and at least she was so we didn't have to spend hours trying to work our way around it. She admitted that when we got home after the event she started to realize that I wasn't going to let this go and then as time went on she knew that this was an issue. Her first instinct was to be mad at me for being mad at her. But then realized even from her own point of view how stupid that was. But again she had it beat into her head that she was my wife and that I should easily forgive and forget something that happened way before we were married. She also admitted that when it became real she frankly outright panicked thinking about losing her marriage. Nobody on either side of her family is divorced so she could be the first and she admitted to that being a big factor in her panic attack. But as the week has progressed and she has spoken more to her family she is seeing that what she has put in her mind about marriage isn't the end all be all she thought it was. She also did really feel bad about bringing the guy around to me. However you will notice which I did too that she never said she felt guilty about being with him.
Now I want everyone to know this as well. What I have given you from above is a brief synopsis of events. She sounds like a robot in this version and believe me she was not. There were lots of tears, real honest tears (I've seen her "oh woe as me" tears before so I know the difference). There were a few curse words and there were even moments of pleading and begging. As I said this went on for 8ish hours so by the time we were done she was physically exhausted.
I have set out the following steps if we are to reconcile and it is totally up to her if she wants to stay together. She is very very adamant about staying together btw:
-I don't care how illogical it seems she is to never have contact with him again. This is an absolute for me and a deal breaker and I was absolutely clear on this.
-We have to have couples therapy.
-While I am living with my brother we are still legally married and this is not an invitation or excuse for either of us to see anyone else. Again deal breaker in a second if either of us uses this as an excuse (believe me I will not and I don't believe she will either).
-We start over, to a point. I have to view her differently now, even if I didn't want to I can't just forget that she chose to cheat.
So that's where we are now. I know that is not what some of you wanted but ultimately I have to go with what I believe will make me happiest in the long run. My head say's be aware and I am going to guard my heart for a long time but my heart is still in love with her. We are going out on a date Friday night, which she is really looking forward to. I have no idea how long I will be with my brother, hell I may not make it past Friday, but if nothing else I feel like I have some control here which I felt prior to the talk I had almost none. In the end I held her for a long time and we slept together. I do not want a broken woman (right now that is kind of what she is) I want her to be my partner for life but I do want her to know that to be a partner she has to equally care about my feelings as I do hers.
P.S. I had to do some real hard thinking about my new brother in law. Again I've only met him a few times and he seems like a nice enough guy but at the end of it all he certainly was aware of the issue. But just to keep peace in the family I'm going to not make a stink about him because that will certainly make every holiday tough going forward. As long as he never mentions the incident or the guy ever again to or around me I can live with it.
EDIT: I poo poo you not, this post has been up for 40 min and I've received 21 comments but I've gotten already 28 p.m.'s I think it's just sad that people feel so intimidated by the group think that they won't post their views publicly. I am happy to get the advice and words of support but really nobody should be afraid to speak their mind.
tl;dr: Wife and I had long talk, I am living with my brother but we are going to try and work this out.
Update 3:Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long)
quote:
Thank you all who keep sending me messages of encouragement and wondering what has happened. For those of you who have asked me to give you an update, here is a brief one.
I've been staying with my brother for a little over a month. I can not say enough nice words about him, he has bent over backwards to help me and I've come to appreciate him in a whole new way. Growing up we were close but never really close if you know what I mean. This has shown me that our bond is much stronger than I ever imagined it was.
The big news is that I have delivered her with divorce papers. Now before those of you who wanted me to dump her jump for joy let me explain something.
I went to a divorce lawyer and explained everything including the fact that I did not want to go through with the divorce but wanted everything in place just in case. He drew up a divorce decree and made three copies. One he kept on file, one for her and one for me.
I decided to take the paperwork to her myself because I knew she would be upset and I wanted to explain to her what was happening. I gave her the paperwork in a manila envelope and explained what it was before she opened it. I also made very clear to her that I was not going to do anything with it unless we both failed to meet the conditions we both agreed upon. I explained that I was committed to us but I really needed to see that we were headed in the right direction and that this was only there as a standby in case she didn't think I was serious.
Well this did not go over as well as I had hoped and in retrospect this was a mistake on my part. She had been doing everything in her power prior to that to live up to the agreement, we had been out on several dates prior to this that were great for both of us. In other words my timing sucked. My intention was good but it did make it look like I was not acknowledging the steps she was taking to make this work. This led to another giant anxiety attack that we could not get under control with her meds so off to the E.R. we went again. This time they gave her a shot and sent her home and we both agreed that we would keep her family out of it this time. I stayed with her for two day just to make sure she was ok. This of course came up in our counseling session and well let's just say that I came across looking like a manipulative rear end in a top hat (which again in retrospect I was). I ended up taking my copy and her copy and tearing it up in front of her. She doesn't know there is a third copy but I plan on having him discard that as well.
So now I pretty much feel like a monster because the look on her face when she got the divorce papers was something I never want to see again. She was so happy to see me that day and then I gave her that and then instant combination of sadness and terror. Other than that bump in the road things have actually been going very well. Well enough in fact that I am moving back home this weekend. My brother has been great but I am cramping his style no matter what he say's. It's been fun playing X-Box every night though I won't deny it.
But mostly I am going home because she has done everything I have asked of her and I have put her through hell. I think she's paid a steep enough price and I know she knows how serious this was. Also in case I didn't mention this before, I do love her. She made a very stupid selfish mistake but it was years ago and she had been almost the perfect wife up until that discovery. So I'm sorry to disappoint many of you and I'm sure I will once again get many pm's telling me that I am a cuckhold and an embarrassment to all men but I don't live your lives and you don't live mine.
So this should be it, there hopefully will be nothing to update going forward. We are not cured or healed by any sense of the imagination but we are on our way and it's just going to take time, patience and understanding.
tl;dr: gave wife divorce papers with the intention of never using them. this blew up in my face, damage control ensued. ultimately I'm moving back in with her and we are working on things
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 09:48
|
|
- Inspector Gesicht
- Oct 26, 2012
-
500 Zeus a body.
|
quote:
AITA for not letting my girlfriend play online games?
I know the title sounds bad... But hear me out. My girlfriend is kind of what you could call a gamer. We hit it off quickly, talking about our favorite games. She liked to play Nintendo games most, and owns an SNES, Gameboy advance and a switch. Let me address this real quickly before getting to the meat. We have been dating for almost 3 years now, and our relationship has been nearly perfect. We're loyal to each other and are deeply in love. However, my girlfriend got her first pc for Christmas of last year. She had owned laptop for work and school, but this was the first computer that she could actually play games on. She was ecstatic to begin playing and I helped her set up her steam account.
However, I feel our relationship has been cracking because of her lately. She has been playing games online with others, which is normal but... Honestly I'm not sure I feel comfortable with it. She knows I'm self conscious, so I feel she should be more mindful of my feelings. I always join their parties (we agreed on a rule that says she's only allowed to play online if I'm in the party with her). The "jokes" she makes to others can come off as kind of flirty or cutesy on purpose... This makes me uncomfortable, as I don't enjoy her talking to others in such a manner. I'm thinking of banning online games for her in general, if not just the voice chat. AITA here? I'm self conscious and worried our relationship may go down the drain due to the light flirting.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 10:38
|
|
- Beachcomber
- May 21, 2007
-
Another day in paradise.
-
Slippery Tilde
|
It's a long one and all the updates are long too, but here you go.
Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long)
Update 1: Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long)
Update 2:Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long)
Update 3:Me [25 M] with my wife [23F], she informs me at sisters wedding she had slept with best man (long)
Thank you so much! I will preserve it in my document of stories I want to reread every now and then.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 10:55
|
|
- Serephina
- Nov 8, 2005
-
恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー
|
If paternity is established then they may have a claim.
Good news everyone! Guess who has first right of refusal to tests being done on her husband's remains? Preggo mistress better already have that paternity test certified, cuz she's probably hosed. Good.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 11:04
|
|
- Scaevolus
- Apr 16, 2007
-
|
An update on that "The Kindest" kidney donation story plagiarism drama, where someone actually read through the court documents to reconstruct what happened:
https://summerbrennan.substack.com/p/bad-discourse-friend-the-unraveling
https://summerbrennan.substack.com/p/bad-discourse-friend-the-unraveling-cae
Dawn might be annoying, but Sonya just sucks.
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 11:23
|
|
- Zurtilik
- Oct 23, 2015
-
The Biggest Brain in Guardia
|
My (30M) girlfriend's (24F) anime-geek friends (M29-34) drive me crazy and frankly, I want to beat them
quote:So I'm kind of a nerd but not really in an obvious way. I don't have any nerd pride and I show it off to other people. I just so happen to like lots of nerdy things and kind of go off the mainstream quite a bit in terms of my interests, however I'd say that I as well as most of my friends were within the spectrum of 'normal' insofar that we didn't behave in such a way as to draw negative attention to ourselves.
My girlfriend is equally nerdy I'd say but she kind of branches off in a different direction. She likes Japanese stuff like anime, Nintendo, RPGs and so forth. I'm more of a sci-fi/science/history nerd. We've always overlapped enough that it hasn't been a problem and I've done/watched a lot of things she likes and vice versa. To be honest I find a lot of the stuff she enjoys to be a bit on the childish side (which I'll get to) and she knows this, however I've never judged her for it really and I just assume "different strokes for different folks". Lots of people like stuff I don't. I should also add that my girlfriend was 240lbs up until she was 21 and I used to be heavy as well. Now she's 155lbs (was 125 but I'll get to that later), I'm 150lbs and we both look great compared to how we were. I think this explains a lot.
Now the problem: we moved to a new city together and I bought a condo downtown. In one of the neighbouring apartment blocks lives a bunch of guys that all work together at a nearby Wal-Mart. They're all huge anime geeks, way moreso than her, so she spends a lot of time with them. Before I met them and she was just going over there I was a bit jealous but then I met them and realized I had nothing to worry about (think smelly, fat Napoleon Dynamites). My girlfriend is a very attractive girl but in her head I think she still thinks she's 200+lbs and unattractive which is why she makes the social choices she does. The problem is that I feel these guys are really going to drag her down.
The first thing is that they all work at Wal-Mart and room together which means they're perpetually broke. They don't beg for money that often but they have asked her before and some are paying it back in installments. It's almost always money for a video game or cards or a something for a cosplay outfit or an old console thing etc. Once it was even weird porn. I don't look down on people that work at Wal-Mart or anything but the way I see it is that they let their hobbies (hobbies which frankly I do look down on) overtake other aspects of their lives like their work. My parents give me a hard time about not moving forward enough and I make $60,000 a year. These guys make less than $20,000 a year (each) and live on ramen, pizza, junk food and spaghetti like I did when I was 18 and couldn't cook. They also don't take care of themselves at all (their apartment is so disgusting I don't even like stepping in the doorway). Big Bang Theory is a lie.
That's not the really bad part though. I could honestly get over the other stuff. It's when they talk that they bother me so much. Lately my girlfriend has been inviting them over, sometimes with other people they met in cosplay events (yes, seriously). Once they brought someone over who looked suspiciously young and I asked my girlfriend how old they were the next day, she said they were sixteen yet everyone was drinking well into the night with this kid there (who didn't drink fortunately). I got really mad because there are so many things wrong with a 24 year old and a bunch of people in their 20s/30s drinking and hanging out with someone who is sixteen yet no one seemed to understand why I had a problem with this as the kid is part of their group or whatever.
Anyway, when they're here they play video games, watch anime cartoons, drink, play board games and what not. I'm always 'invited' but never feel welcome (I'm sure they think I'm 'sheeple' or something). One night I was out with my friends, came home drunk to four of them with my girlfriend watching yet another anime. One of them asked me to join them, I said "it's not my thing, sorry", my girlfriend said "remember he thinks we're childish" and that sparked the first confrontation where we all learned that we hated each other. It went into them arguing about the merits of the anime they were watching, then their costumes, video games etc. as I started attacking all of it. My girlfriend went into our bedroom for most of this. I said the reason they liked this stuff so much is because they didn't do anything after high school (referring to university) like I did and wouldn't know what real cinema/art was if it jumped up and bit them on the rear end. I also said that they're the product of being coddled too much not having their asses kicked enough and I said that if they don't start growing up they're going to geek out until they all have heart attacks. My girlfriend heard about this after the fact and it cut into our relationship pretty deep. She was all about the three word sentences for the next week until I fired off an email to one of the guys apologizing for going over the top. Even then she was cold for awhile.
The last straw was when I went to a 'cosplay thing' (as I call it) with my girlfriend who was dressed up along with these guys, all as video game/anime characters. I was dressed up as awkward/embarrassed man who was there because of his girlfriend. During the convention I was fine because everyone else was dressed up but afterwards we drove back to our part of town where there are no people in costumes and they wanted to play outside while being dressed up which I ended up having to chaperon. I was so embarrassed to be seen with them that I tried to stand far enough away from them that I could protect them from getting beaten up yet not be seen as part of the group. If I saw someone I knew it would be mortifying and I wouldn't know how to explain it. I'm 30 for gently caress sakes. Luckily I didn't see anyone I knew but my girlfriend was pissed off at me for walking five feet apart from them all the time. At one point they started re-enacting something on the street by putting their hands up and yelling something in Japanese and then doing a weird little dance or karate thing (I honestly don't know). After about 150 dirty looks and twenty "you loving faggots!" later I whispered to my girlfriend that I couldn't be around these guys unless they "grew the gently caress up" and told her to come meet me at the coffee shop nearby when they were done. I've never had that much pissed off'edness in my voice before.
There are other things but these pretty much sum it all up. Keep in mind that aside from this--my girlfriend and I are totally fine. It's just that when she's with these guys, she's a different person. No costumes and no weird poo poo. It's like it's all confined to these guys which would be good if they were more down to earth (then hey--maybe I'd join in when they asked).
The thing is, when it comes to these guys and these hobbies/obsessions/autism whatever, she gives me zero inches in terms of how much credibility she gives to my arguments. She thinks I'm nuts and that any other person would be 100% okay with it. Her friends all echo this opinion (of course). I know they're trying to get her to break up with me so they can have me gone and if we didn't get along so well together when we were alone, then we would've broken up awhile ago. My friends on the other hand are the exact opposite and think I should break up with her and throw her friends off the balcony. It's really touchy.
Lastly, and this isn't something I'm shallow enough to get too bent out of shape over but she's gained about 30 pounds back since hanging out with them. She lost so much weight and did so well but since she spends half her time with them and half her time with me, she spends half her time eating nothing but potato chips and pizza. It's got to the point where I actually pointed it out and said that if she didn't stop mirroring them in this one aspect that she was going to be right back where she was in about a year. She has been working on it but it's understandably hard with all the pressure they inadvertently put on her to basically be like them. My friends and I go hiking and play paintball on weekends as well as lots of other outdoorsy stuff but I think the only way she'll go is if her friends go and they would never go (yes I did invite the whole lot of them). I tried to get her to get a job too but that will never happen because her parents send her a lot of money every month so she doesn't have to work and it's more money than she would ever get from any job she is qualified to do.
Am I crazy? I got beaten up a lot in high school for being the slightest bit nerdy and I've tidied up a lot since then. These guys took it to an extreme I wouldn't even have dreamed of and didn't have it beaten out of them? How is this fair? Why don't people beat the poo poo out of them? Why am I losing my girlfriend to this? I don't know what to do. I kind of think that my girlfriend takes things way too far and that if I don't really step in and balance things out, in a tactful way of course, she's going to go right off the edge with these guys.
tl;dr: I'm losing my girlfriend to a bunch of guys who think dressing up like video game characters and basing their whole lives around these kinds of hobbies is an okay thing to do, to the extent that their physical health and working life is sacrificed. The more my girlfriend hangs out with them the more I'm worried that she's going to become them (she already is in some ways). Who is in the wrong here and at what point do I just walk away?
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 12:11
|
|
- rotinaj
- Sep 5, 2008
-
-
Fun Shoe
|
My (30M) girlfriend's (24F) anime-geek friends (M29-34) drive me crazy and frankly, I want to beat them
I was so embarrassed to be seen with them that I tried to stand far enough away from them that I could protect them from getting beaten up yet not be seen as part of the group. If I saw someone I knew it would be mortifying and I wouldn't know how to explain it. I'm 30 for gently caress sakes.
What is this dude’s preoccupation with wanting to physically harm people, expecting people to get into a fight, etc
Jesus, chill out and have a drink, poindexter, other people are allowed to do things
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 12:39
|
|
- Ghost Leviathan
- Mar 2, 2017
-
Exploration is ill-advised.
|
What is this dude’s preoccupation with wanting to physically harm people, expecting people to get into a fight, etc
Jesus, chill out and have a drink, poindexter, other people are allowed to do things
bbbut real men are supposed to be jocks who beat up nerds and gently caress the cheerleaders, just like in my american cinemas
Though he says he got beaten up in high school for having 'nerdy' traits, so comes off as bitterness that high school isn't real life
Ghost Leviathan fucked around with this message at 12:47 on Oct 22, 2021
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 12:45
|
|
- Adbot
-
ADBOT LOVES YOU
|
|
|
#
?
May 23, 2024 21:47
|
|
#
?
Oct 22, 2021 05:28
