r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

pentyne: Nov 7, 2012

PancakeTransmission posted:

Gotta say, maybe I'm not a real goon but I have no skid marks on any of my underwear. Don't poo poo myself and neither do my farts somehow spray poo poo all over them

If you are having wet farts often enough for it to be a recurring laundry issue, you're eating garbage tier food way too often or you need to see a doctor asap. The only other acceptable reason would be because you have violent uncontrollable diarrhea from food poisoning or the flu.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 03:08

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# ? May 29, 2024 21:10

Yolo Swaggins Esq: Jan 29, 2015; oOoOoh 👀 a dapper little mouse🎩 🐀🕺🏻🕺🏻 a dAppER MoUSe🧐🐀 🚶🏿‍♂️🚶🏿‍♂️it�s a 🎩DAPPER mouse 👀✔️🐀🥾🏃🏽‍♂️🕺🏻🕺🏻🕺🏻🏃🏽‍♂️🐀💥

Sometimes it can also happen after particularly big lifting sesh for some reason, buuuuut I feel like that's not an issue faced by too many goons.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 03:17

Admiralty Flag: Jun 7, 2007; to ride eternal, shiny and chrome

THUNDERDOME LOSER 2022

Get the gurglespurts pants

# ? Oct 26, 2021 03:32

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Going under the poop knife to get the gurglespurts operation.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 03:33

webmeister: Jan 31, 2007; The answer is, mate, because I want to do you slowly. There has to be a bit of sport in this for all of us. In the psychological battle stakes, we are stripped down and ready to go. I want to see those ashen-faced performances; I want more of them. I want to be encouraged. I want to see you squirm.

teen witch posted:

Lmao

Lmao

From a few pages back, but am I parsing that first comment correctly? She took out a loan to pay the deposit for a house? So she'll be paying mortgage repayments, plus repayments on the loan for the deposit?

Because holy gently caress :psyduck:

# ? Oct 26, 2021 03:40

haveblue: Aug 15, 2005; Toilet Rascal

One weird trick to buy a house with no money upfront, financially responsible people hate it

# ? Oct 26, 2021 03:45

Halloween Jack: Sep 12, 2003; I WILL CUT OFF BOTH OF MY ARMS BEFORE I VOTE FOR ANYONE THAT IS MORE POPULAR THAN BERNIE!!!!!

ChunTheUnavoidable posted:

does anyone in the thread want to co-sign a loan with me? It would be for a boat. The boat will be mine but if you come over you can ride on it with me

I'll give you these eyes I found for half the boat.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 03:46

Invisible Clergy: Sep 25, 2015; "Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"

Malachi 2:3

Halloween Jack posted:

Remember Olestra?

There's a fun podcast ep about the history of Olestra

PancakeTransmission posted:

Gotta say, maybe I'm not a real goon but I have no skid marks on any of my underwear. Don't poo poo myself and neither do my farts somehow spray poo poo all over them

Perhaps you occasionally eat a vegetable, use a bidet, change your underwear every day, or employ flushable wipes. Any one of these things puts you a few rungs above the typical r/relationships husband on the evolutionary ladder. Good for you.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 03:49

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

n.b. flushable wipes are not flushable.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 03:57

Nooner: Mar 26, 2011; AN A+ OPSTER (:

Was olestra the one with the commecials that listed "oily discharge" as a side effect?

# ? Oct 26, 2021 04:04

AreWeDrunkYet: Jul 8, 2006

Nooner posted:

Was olestra the one with the commecials that listed "oily discharge" as a side effect?

They just straight up said anal leakage, if I recall correctly.

"Want to get out of the pool, Bob?"

# ? Oct 26, 2021 04:05

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for making tiktoks of a bully at school to 'debunk' the hateful stuff she says?

quote:

I am a high school student, and there's this girl at school who talks a lot of poo poo about me for being gay, it's pretty gross but the teachers don't do a lot, I get the idea some of the teachers don't exactly disagree with the poo poo she says, it is not a very progressive area.

My school makes us use clear or mesh bags so we can't hide anything but it has actually helped me film the girl because I can just put my phone in my bag facing out.

Anyway I made a couple TikToks of her most funny 'homophobic hot takes' just random super uninformed poo poo she says, like so wrong it's funny. Like saying poo poo about gay women being into girls peeing or their moms? (Wtf) Over each video, I caption it with corrections, like trying to debunk misinformed homophobic stuff.

A couple of the videos blew up, even though it's pretty lovely to deal with at school, i guess people find it funny to watch someone be such a dumbass.

Here's where I might be kinda an rear end, I have started baiting her into saying dumb poo poo a little bit. Like wearing a pride shirt when I know she will be in class, or saying something in sex ed class about how the education they're giving isn't really applicable to a decent chunk of the population.

Both those times she had poo poo to say about that, especially the health class time.

Anyway this weekend my parents found my tiktoks, one of their friends had found my account. And they wanted to know what was going on at school.

I had to tell them this girl was giving me trouble at school and I thought it would be funny to share some of the ways homophobes are super dumb and misinformed and kinda make a project of debunking the sort of poo poo homophobic people say to show other people who might be the target of the same poo poo how wrong and dumb it was.

My parents didn't think it was cool or educational at all, they felt like me filming at school was the wrong way to deal; that I should tell them and a teacher, instead of what I did that invaded the girls privacy. I said the teachers believe the same poo poo she does, and I felt like what I did was more useful because I was educating people on how homophobic opinions are stupid and uninformed and honestly I didn't feel like I was invading her privacy because she was the one choosing to come up to me with this poo poo, she could have privacy if she simply didn't...

Anyway, my school found out too and I'm suspended for using my phone to record in school. But coincidentally school went remote again when I was suspended, and they let me in the remote classes, so there was no real impact.

The girl has stopped giving me poo poo or even talking to me at all, I know her parents and the school have been in touch, so maybe that's related or maybe it's just that school is remote? IDK

AITA for filming a girl bullying me at school and putting her on blast on tik tok?

Edit to address common questions:

I live in a state that is one party consent for recording, I didn't break the law recording in the hallway or cafeteria or auditorium

I go to a private school which probibits having a phone on during school. I did break a school rule by having my phone on.

My school is not likely to be much help, it is a Christian school which has terms in it's morality code which ban homosexual behavior. So bringing this to my school would more likely put my education at risk than help me.

My parents are aren't a lot of help either, they think I should pretend to be straight for the next 3 and a half years of school until I graduate.

Our ages: I am 15 and she is a senior in high school so I would guess 17 or 18.

Are you trying to get her doxxed? No, I genuinely tried to do the opposite by editing out and censoring parts of the videos where the school logo could be seen or her name was said. Also, looking through the comments on tiktok, people aren't trying to find her, the dialogue is a lot more about people sharing their personal experiences with bullying.

How does she know I'm gay? I used to date her sister and we kept it a secret but she snuck her phone and screenshotted our texts and shared them at school. So I didn't tell her, or go flaunting that at school, I was actually trying to keep it a secret from everyone.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 04:06

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Mx. posted:

AITA for making tiktoks of a bully at school to 'debunk' the hateful stuff she says?

This kid's fuckin' cool. Be gay, do crime. :krad:

# ? Oct 26, 2021 04:13

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Halloween Jack posted:

Like I said, I think Dawn and Sonya should be left alone to work this out between the two of them, in an active volcano.

Mortal Kombat theme intensifies.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 04:14

mind the walrus: Sep 22, 2006

Mx. posted:

AITA for making tiktoks of a bully at school to 'debunk' the hateful stuff she says?

This kid is legit. Protect them.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 04:17

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Mx. posted:

AITA for making tiktoks of a bully at school to 'debunk' the hateful stuff she says?

Those parents. "You should have told a teacher!"

"I did and they didn't care."

"You should have rold us!"

"I jist did and your advice was pretend to be straight."

I'm getting vibes that the parents agree with the teachers and bully but think they don't.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 04:42

Barudak: May 7, 2007

limp_cheese posted:

Those parents. "You should have told a teacher!"

"I did and they didn't care."

"You should have rold us!"

"I jist did and your advice was pretend to be straight."

I'm getting vibes that the parents agree with the teachers and bully but think they don't.

They 100% do and are only mad because their kid is passively calling them out for being utterly useless

# ? Oct 26, 2021 04:55

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

She rocks but I wish the Christian school would kick her out so she doesn�t have to go there. Being around Protestants all day is bad enough when the school has to pretend not to endorse their bullshit. I can�t imagine how horrible it must be to go to a school dedicated to it.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 05:13

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Like do the parents think they can just say "Yeah I'm straight now" and the other students will just role with it? I get the feeling it's more for them.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 05:18

PancakeTransmission: May 27, 2007; You gotta improvise, Lisa: cloves, Tom Collins mix, frozen pie crust...; Plaster Town Cop

Invisible Clergy posted:

Perhaps you occasionally eat a vegetable, use a bidet, change your underwear every day, or employ flushable wipes. Any one of these things puts you a few rungs above the typical r/relationships husband on the evolutionary ladder. Good for you.

Wondering if I need to put this on my tinder profile

# ? Oct 26, 2021 05:34

blatman: May 10, 2009; 14 inc dont mez

cumshitter posted:

Like do the parents think they can just say "Yeah I'm straight now" and the other students will just role with it? I get the feeling it's more for them.

probably hoping they'll just say "yeah i'm straight now" and then spontaneously become straight, people like those parents often seem to think that anything that isn't 100% hetero is "just a phase"

# ? Oct 26, 2021 05:40

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

cumshitter posted:

Like do the parents think they can just say "Yeah I'm straight now" and the other students will just role with it? I get the feeling it's more for them.

Being bullied into performative conformance is what the school/students/parents want from her anyway, so just claiming to be straight and hiding in the closet will be accepted.
(Note due to lack of tone on the internet: she should NOT do this)

# ? Oct 26, 2021 05:43

roomtone: Jul 1, 2021; by Fluffdaddy
(and can't post for 10 hours!)

that girl sounds smarter and better than everyone surrounding her.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 05:55

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

cumshitter posted:

Like do the parents think they can just say "Yeah I'm straight now" and the other students will just role with it? I get the feeling it's more for them.

Definitely for the parent's benefit.

The kid is "guilty" of the worst crime: :decorum:

Also, being gay. Meaning no one in authority in her life is about to actually help her.

loving good on her for being such an absolute legend in dealing with it. Just brilliant.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 06:35

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for helping my friend hide money from his soon to be ex-wife?

quote:

Throwaway for obvious reasons.

My friend (27M) married his wife (27F) 3 years ago. Unfortunately, neither of them talked finances before marriage and neither of them got a pre-nup. He makes about $70k, she makes about $55k. However, he bought 15 Bitcoin in 2013 for a pretty good price. He sold 5 of them in 2017 to help buy a house with his wife (then fiancee).
Fast forward to now, they are divorcing because she found a job with a 20% raise and guaranteed promotion within 2 years, but it is several states away (All three of us live in the same town in Missouri, the job his wife wants is in Seattle) and he does not want to quit his job or leave his parents, who are in their 60's and his mom has Stage 2 cancer.
Now initially, his wife did not know about the Bitcoin, as my friend only told me and a few other people. But one of them must have told her, since she wants half of it now even though she didn't buy it (yes I know what community property is). His argument is that since he bought them before marriage and never mixed the remaining 10 with martial assets that she should not have a claim to it and is refusing to split it.
One day, he invited me (25M if it matters) to lunch and basically told me he had a plan so "that bitch steals nothing". His plan involves spending a good chunk of it on a vacation and new car. Totally legit and I see nothing wrong with that. He also wants to put some towards his mother's medical bills. I think this is also fine, chemo is expensive. But the gray part is that he wants to give me part of the remaining bitcoin cash-out until the divorce is final, where I would then give him back 95% and keep the last 5% as a token of thanks. The split would be about 20 - 30 - 50, respectively. I realized that he would basically be spending his half on the vacation, car and medical bills and then giving me his wife's "half" so she cannot get it.
He sent me the Bitcoins last night and I have put them into my newly-made portfolio. But my girlfriend (22F) saw the brokerage app and asked what was up with that and I explained the situation about holding onto the Bitcoins for my friend. She replied that it sounds illegal (She is a law student) and it is also an rear end in a top hat thing to do and called me an rear end in a top hat and hasn't spoken to me for nearly a day.

Now between my guilt and what my girlfriend said I feel conflicted. AITA?

i think OP should not only do this, but continue to just straight up tell people that this is what he's doing
what could possibly go wrong

# ? Oct 26, 2021 07:49

Thumbtacks: Apr 3, 2013

my wife found this one and it upset her so i'm posting it here, it didn't get a ton of traction somehow even though it ticks all reddit's boxes

AITA for calling out my fiance for lying about being a size small?

quote:

Myself (28M) and my fiance (27F) were recently at a dinner party with two other couples. The women were talking about various clothes stores and shopping and whilst the guys weren't really involved in the conversation we were all listening in. My buddies wife Emily commented how she recently went to a clothes store where she purchased a size XS but it was too small so she needed to exchange it for a small. My fiance then commented there's no way you'll need a small I wear a small in that store. Now my fiance is a curvy woman and definitely not a size small. I do all the laundry in our house and I have never seen any items that were a size small. My fiance wears at least a large more often an extra large. One couple exchanged a glance which my fiance didn't notice but Emily looked really caught off guard and kind of upset. Emily is recovering from an eating disorder which she was hospitalised for last year and my fiance is aware of this. I didn't say anything Infront of anyone but on the car ride home I decided to speak to her about it. I reminded her of Emily's eating disorder and said that lying about what size she wore could cause self-esteem issues for her. I said that there is nothing wrong with being the size she is as she is gorgeous and has a great body but said I didn't understand why she lied to everyone and said she wore a small. My fiance went crazy at me and said I was an rear end in a top hat and calling her fat. I tried to assure her that I wasn't calling her that and I loved her body and her size didn't even matter to me. I just didn't understand why she would lie as she definitely isn't a size small in any store. I tried to explain although it didn't matter to me it clearly did matter to Emily and it had confused me why she would lie as noone even asked her what size she was. Ever since this incident my fiance is making a big deal out of not eating Infront of me and saying she's full. I know she's eating when I'm not there though as food goes missing from the fridge and cupboards. In my opinion this is kind of a manipulative move from her. I know this is kind of a touchy subject for some women so I tried to approach it as delicately as possible but I feel awful for upsetting my fiance. I was only trying to look out for my friend and Emily as I know it was really difficult for them both and Emily is still very delicate. AITA?

EDIT: I just want to clarify that my fiance is an incredible woman and I love her dearly and will marry her. It's been my life goal to marry this woman. Appreciate the feedback maybe I could have come across like I cared more about Emily than my fiance's feelings but not the case. Just to clarify my fiance was the one who asked about Emily's size. They were talking about needing to return some things and Emily said she needed a size up because the jeans she bought were too small. That's when my fiance asked what size. I don't think Emily was bragging about what size she was. Sorry if this wasn't clear I was just trying to tell the story in as few words as possible. I also want to clarify that I don't track what my fiance eats or the labels on her clothes. I meant more that if I happened to see a label Ive never seen anything less than an L. Also if we go out shopping together it's rare she'll grab an L she's usually an XL. I checked the fridge and pantry to make sure she WAS eating as I was concerned. It is possible that this store maybe comes up big and she's a small. Its unlikely in my opinion but I will keep that in mind. I also just wanted to address why people are assuming that my fiance is jealous or insecure of Emily's size just because she's bigger? My fiance is gorgeous BECAUSE she is bigger. She has an amazing figure which she has always been complimented on. I don't like the narrative that's she's some sad jealous hater because she wears a bigger dress size. I agree it was odd of her to lie but I was more concerned with my own actions than hers. Also when I described Emily as fragile I was referring to her mental state not her size/body. Just wanted to clarify a few things👍. Thanks again for the feedback.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 07:56

house of the dad: Jul 4, 2005

Mx. posted:

AITA for helping my friend hide money from his soon to be ex-wife?

i think OP should not only do this, but continue to just straight up tell people that this is what he's doing
what could possibly go wrong

He's dumb as gently caress for getting involved in this but in no way does the ex-wife have a claim on that guy's stupid bitcoin money. That's just making a mad grab for poo poo.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:12

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Thumbtacks posted:

my wife found this one and it upset her so i'm posting it here, it didn't get a ton of traction somehow even though it ticks all reddit's boxes

AITA for calling out my fiance for lying about being a size small?

Lmao dude did not need to bring that up and light that dynamite. Yeah some stores have weird sizing poo poo that�s pulled out of a dead Frenchman�s rear end, I have a few in mind, but I have a feeling OPs partner didn�t shop at those.

Though �My fiance is gorgeous BECAUSE she is bigger� is hopefully not what that dude meant. I really hope so.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:14

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

teen witch posted:

Lmao dude did not need to bring that up and light that dynamite. Yeah some stores have weird sizing poo poo that�s pulled out of a dead Frenchman�s rear end, I have a few in mind, but I have a feeling OPs partner didn�t shop at those.

Though �My fiance is gorgeous BECAUSE she is bigger� is hopefully not what that dude meant. I really hope so.

Thefuck is wrong with liking big girls?

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:18

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

therobit posted:

Thefuck is wrong with liking big girls?

0/10 wouldn�t recommend.

:thejoke:

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:19

Thumbtacks: Apr 3, 2013

i hope that's how he tries to win his fiancee back over to his side

"no babe wait, i love you BECAUSE you're bigger"

he's going to die

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:20

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

I don't get what's wrong with having a fiance that is unable to lie?

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:22

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

The Lone Badger posted:

I don't get what's wrong with having a fiance that is unable to lie?

She could never tell you that your'e handsome.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:25

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

In a polycule with one partner who cannot lie and one who cannot tell the truth

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:29

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

pentyne posted:

Yo holy gently caress, how do you treat a subordinate so badly that you end up with a criminal conviction over it? And how is it related to an ex?

I assumed that the criminal conviction was linked to whatever she did that was so bad that a client phoned up her boss to say "yo, what the hell is going on over there?"

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:29

The Lone Badger: Sep 24, 2007

cumshitter posted:

She could never tell you that your'e handsome.

I meant that he liked big butts.

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:30

Bug Squash: Mar 18, 2009

therobit posted:

Thefuck is wrong with liking big girls?

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:32

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Ghost Leviathan posted:

In a polycule with one partner who cannot lie and one who cannot tell the truth

Please don't post your E/N status updates here, or if you do then you have to at least couch it in an AITA style post

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:51

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

QuarkJets posted:

Please don't post your E/N status updates here, or if you do then you have to at least couch it in an AITA style post

please no homegrown AITA

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:54

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# ? May 29, 2024 21:10

therobit: Aug 19, 2008; I've been tryin' to speak with you for a long time

AITA for telling my boyfriend he�s given me the ick so bad that I can�t stomach dating him anymore?

quote:

I (17F) have been with my boyfriend (18M) for a year. We�ve been friends in highschool before we started dating because we were both really into video games and memes. I always thought he was a funny and quirky guy.

His room really displays who he is and what he likes, he has that one nicholas cage sequin pillow on his bed and has a wall sticker of john cena looking through a hole. Recently he�s added some more things to his meme bedroom and it�s not even something I find funny anymore. He got this body pillow of an among us character as an erotic anime school girl and put it on his bed. We were making out and he started touching me then said �I have two hot sluts to look at� ?? He�s never called me that before during sexual stuff apart from once just to try.

He also bought a fleshlight as a �joke� then wrote �(my name)�s pussy� on it then fucks it in the morning waking me up with his growling. I feel gross and unloved.

I told him I don�t want to do this anymore and he went ballistic saying I�m overreacting and we would joke about stuff like that normally. AITA?

# ? Oct 26, 2021 08:59

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