r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Pretty normal for a first labor?

Holy cow, did I not want anybody but my husband there, because I wanted to be as loud as I wanted to and as messy as was unavoidable. Also, home birth never tempted me because I wanted somebody else washing the sheets.

Less about the time and more about having the entire family there. Like, what are they all gonna do for that time?

WIBTA if I share to a select few people why I am not supporting a friend's pregnancy?

quote:

2 of our wider friends group are Nicole and Jack. They are in their early 30s, married for 6 years. They met through me, so I'm quite close to them and loved them dearly.

Throughout their marriage, Nicole has had several miscarriages, and unimaginable heartache when it comes to her 2 births. She had a son that passed away at 3 months old, then 2 years later a daughter that passed away at 8 months old. They didn't share any medical reasons with us for any of the above, nor did we expect details on their difficulties and tragedies. They had a fundraiser for each child, to which we all pitched in, and we also paid towards what they claimed/we assumed were standard IVF treatments to get the pregnancies in the first place.

Roughly between me and my friends, we have paid about 40k, with me contributing the lion's share. I wait until after the timer(?) runs out, and make up the remaining difference. I never begrudged them this, as it is not a financial burden for me.

I recently found out that the reason why they are having issues is because they both have a specific gene (don't ask me what it is, I would never reveal it here). On its own, or only in one parent, it isn't a problem, but they both have it, and that makes pregnancies very difficult/unlikely, miscarriages very likely, and the worst part: infants have a very very low chance of survival past their first year, which would also be filled with hospital/ER visits, something we knew happened to both their previous children. Even if the infants make it past the first 12-18 months, their life will be filled with pain, and with serious medical complications. Likelihood of blindness is super high, and general lifespan does not look good. And apparently their "IVF" treatments were so expensive because they had to go to non-US countries, to avoid/bypass the genetic testing that most legit companies do.

Ever since I found this out, my perception of them has fundamentally changed. I judge them, hard. Not because they want kids, because I am sure they would make excellent parents. Their insistence, however, to have biological kids knowing the likelihood of non-survival, and the quality of life they would be condemning their child to, and that they knowingly brought children into their world that, for their short lifespan, knew that they would hurt so much... Yeah, I am judging the gently caress out of them.

Now that quarantine has eased and they could travel again, they are once again asking monetary help for a new attempt at getting pregnant. They also want to meet up with everyone. I declined all the invitations, and have not contributed at all to their new money raiser, which has raised eyebrows. Friends are curious as to how come I have withdrawn all of my support, and I don't know what to say. They know I don't suffer for money, and they know I loved N&J. They are lowkey starting to judge me now, and are getting noticeably colder towards me.

WIBTA if I shared with at least only my best friends in this group the reason why I'm not helping anymore? I am almost certain if they know, they will also "judge" and withdraw support, or even confront Nicole and Jack, and well, here we are.

Edit 1: INFO seems to focus on how I found out. As I mentioned in a comment: They didn't tell me themselves, and I don't think they know I know. One of Nicole's distant cousins started in my company and is working very close to me, and we were discussing the latest fundraiser. He knows because he has the same genetic issue. I can't see a reason for him to lie, from what I could tell he really felt for Nicole, and he isn't a mean/bitter person (from the few months I have known him, at least).

Tay-Sachs?

Cowslips Warren fucked around with this message at 05:03 on Oct 29, 2021

# ? Oct 29, 2021 04:49

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# ? May 28, 2024 06:17

Elissimpark: May 20, 2010; Bring me the head of Auguste Escoffier.

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Pretty normal for a first labor?

Holy cow, did I not want anybody but my husband there, because I wanted to be as loud as I wanted to and as messy as was unavoidable. Also, home birth never tempted me because I wanted somebody else washing the sheets.

That's why you do it in the bath!

# ? Oct 29, 2021 05:06

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Nothing too spicy here, but I got a good guffaw at the spoilered part. The first post was just him sending flowers after talking to her on the phone.

[UPDATE] A client(23/24M) sent flowers and chocolate for me(19F) to my work. I�m not sure how to respond or what�s appropriate

quote:

So it was indeed a romantic gesture. I come in later for work and he had left a message asking me to a local flower garden show.

He came in the next day (yes he came in two days in a row to see if he could catch me) and we managed to meet for the first time. He told me that he was �surprised to find out� that I�m black. Which wasn�t weird because the insurance agency I work for specifically has a strong tie to the Polish community so he also rightfully assumed I was also Polish. He then said that I speak surprisingly eloquently.

Sorry, but saying that as a follow up to finding out that I�m black is about one of the stupidest things you could say.

I promptly rejected him and that�s the end of that.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 05:11

tinytort: Jun 10, 2013; Super healthy, super cheap

Cowslips Warren posted:

Less about the time and more about having the entire family there. Like, what are they all gonna do for that time?

WIBTA if I share to a select few people why I am not supporting a friend's pregnancy?

...I'm betting it's Tay-Sachs. In which case, OP should absolutely be sharing. Because loving hell, you can absolutely do IVF if you and your partner are carriers - in fact, it's recommended that you do so, so that you can avoid having a baby who will live about a year and a half before starting a slow, painful death. But the process will screen out any embryos that would develop into a Tay-Sachs baby, and they might even suggest editing to ensure the baby isn't a carrier.

Which means that this couple is at minimum, just not taking basic steps to try and avoid murdering their baby with their own genes. In fact, they're actively avoiding those steps.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 05:11

Scaevolus: Apr 16, 2007

Cowslips Warren posted:

WIBTA if I share to a select few people why I am not supporting a friend's pregnancy?

it's okay now that God's tested them and gotten the bad luck out of the way it's guaranteed smooth sailing!!

# ? Oct 29, 2021 05:29

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

Serephina posted:

Nothing too spicy here, but I got a good guffaw at the spoilered part. The first post was just him sending flowers after talking to her on the phone.

[UPDATE] A client(23/24M) sent flowers and chocolate for me(19F) to my work. I�m not sure how to respond or what�s appropriate

Oh for gently caress's sake.

Remember when that republican did it to Obama?

# ? Oct 29, 2021 05:34

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

Barudak posted:

Right there in your post.

But seriously, most modern boy bands out of Korea and China and such have designated roles that are publicly stated like "the singer" "the rapper" "the dancer" "the interviewer" and "the gimmick" so I feel like young men should figure out which of these archetypes they align with.

This is just a D&D party for the modern day

# ? Oct 29, 2021 05:36

Virigoth: Apr 28, 2009; Corona rules everything around me
C.R.E.A.M. get the virus
In the ICU y'all......

tinytort posted:

...I'm betting it's Tay-Sachs. In which case, OP should absolutely be sharing. Because loving hell, you can absolutely do IVF if you and your partner are carriers - in fact, it's recommended that you do so, so that you can avoid having a baby who will live about a year and a half before starting a slow, painful death. But the process will screen out any embryos that would develop into a Tay-Sachs baby, and they might even suggest editing to ensure the baby isn't a carrier.

Which means that this couple is at minimum, just not taking basic steps to try and avoid murdering their baby with their own genes. In fact, they're actively avoiding those steps.

Jesus gently caress what an awful disease. These people are the worst.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 05:46

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for invoicing my friend for 121 bucks after she pestered me for 17?

quote:

This is really petty but it's bothering me.

We have game nights. Usually they are at our appartement (boyfriends and mine) and we always get food when they are here. I either cook elaborate things or we order stuff like pizza. We never invoice people or ask them for the money.

Because we were moving, we did game night at her place and she ordered pizza. It was like 8.50 per pizza. So for me and my bf it was 17.

Because we always bought the food and it was not discussed beforhand, we didn't PayPal her then and there. Fast forward a week. She calls me all nervous and says she had an important topic to talk about. We met up and she told me we still owed her 17 bucks and that she wanted them back because it was giving her anxiety (she is very well off this is not about her not being able to afford food). I was a bit surprised and told her sure I'd PayPal her at home because I don't like to use public internet for payments.

We parted ways and I went to run errands. So I was not home till 8pm. We met up at 4pm. During that time she texted me 7 times and called my boyfriend saying to PayPal the money as soon as she hung up.

This rubbed me the wrong way. So as soon as I came home I Paypaled her the full amount. But I also recompiled what she owed us. Trough the app you can always see when you ordered what and for my personal finances I keep my shopping receipts. So I calculated that she owed us about 121 bucks. So I told her that.

She freaked out, saying we never specified and that it was a very petty move. I told her she didn't specify before either ways and I think its fair like this. We pay her when she order and she pays us when we order.

Right now she is very mad. My bf thinks it's unnecessary even tho he agrees with what I said. She called me an rear end... Am I?

Edit : there is nothing going on that's shady. She is single idem pendent from her parents and has well over 20k in her account. No one is financially abusing her. She is simply like this

# ? Oct 29, 2021 05:49

sullat: Jan 9, 2012

Megillah Gorilla posted:

Oh for gently caress's sake.

Remember when that republican did it to Obama?

Jesus I hope it ended his career and we never heard from him again.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 05:54

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for invoicing my friend for 121 bucks after she pestered me for 17?

Not really looking to cast judgement since this poo poo is so dumb and petty on both sides, but how does OP know her friend has "over 20k in her account"?
Also, what is up with these nickel and diming people? Most people I know practically trip over eachother to pay the bill at the bar or whatever.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 05:57

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for invoicing my friend for 121 bucks after she pestered me for 17?

Sounds like she might just have an anxiety about this. I hope she gets help.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 06:31

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

She's being super coy about any specifics so it's almost certainly the nazi thing. If she was mad about some kind of actual bigotry she'd talk about that instead of trying to make their point of dispute some kind of loving riddle

Pretty much, no one except the nazis and maybe terminal :decorum:

centrists is that vague about thorny subjects.

Mind you, 'the mainstream media is lying' is pretty much every single end of the political compass except dead centre. And this is not a compliment to the centre.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 06:39

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

Serephina posted:

Nothing too spicy here, but I got a good guffaw at the spoilered part. The first post was just him sending flowers after talking to her on the phone.

[UPDATE] A client(23/24M) sent flowers and chocolate for me(19F) to my work. I�m not sure how to respond or what�s appropriate

Lmao been there girl, smart move

# ? Oct 29, 2021 06:56

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

teen witch posted:

Lmao been there girl, smart move

"Wow, you don't sound b- *sound of person gagging on their teeth after you deliver a massive haymaker*"

# ? Oct 29, 2021 07:13

packetmantis: Feb 26, 2013

David-Duke-in-BlacKKKlansman.avi

# ? Oct 29, 2021 07:22

Metis of the Chat Thread: Aug 1, 2014

tinytort posted:

...I'm betting it's Tay-Sachs. In which case, OP should absolutely be sharing. Because loving hell, you can absolutely do IVF if you and your partner are carriers - in fact, it's recommended that you do so, so that you can avoid having a baby who will live about a year and a half before starting a slow, painful death. But the process will screen out any embryos that would develop into a Tay-Sachs baby, and they might even suggest editing to ensure the baby isn't a carrier.

Which means that this couple is at minimum, just not taking basic steps to try and avoid murdering their baby with their own genes. In fact, they're actively avoiding those steps.

Yeah this is what seemed like the craziest thing to me, with a lot of those genetic disorders there are ways to prevent children from inheriting them, and the fact that they seem to be going out of their way to use methods that will result in dead children is horrific.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 07:46

Thumbtacks: Apr 3, 2013

one time in college for a year i somehow found myself living in a house with four guys in the same frat (that i was not in) and it was a frat that had a reputation on campus for being the extremely problematic one (rapey, lots of racial stuff, etc)

they swore up and down that that was the old frat and they're distancing themselves from it and everyone's trying to show people that it's cool now and honestly they were pretty okay guys so i believed them and then once i heard one of them say "drat dude she's pretty hot for a black girl" and i was like oh okay

anyway the guy that said that really wanted to join the improv team that i was on and i told the people running it about that conversation and they wouldn't let him join lmao "yes and" that you bitch

# ? Oct 29, 2021 08:10

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Serephina posted:

Nothing too spicy here, but I got a good guffaw at the spoilered part. The first post was just him sending flowers after talking to her on the phone.

[UPDATE] A client(23/24M) sent flowers and chocolate for me(19F) to my work. I�m not sure how to respond or what�s appropriate

I have read absolutely none of the story except the word "eloquent" and was like oh, theres some real deep racism afoot and looky here.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 08:32

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Thumbtacks posted:

one time in college for a year i somehow found myself living in a house with four guys in the same frat (that i was not in) and it was a frat that had a reputation on campus for being the extremely problematic one (rapey, lots of racial stuff, etc)

they swore up and down that that was the old frat and they're distancing themselves from it and everyone's trying to show people that it's cool now and honestly they were pretty okay guys so i believed them and then once i heard one of them say "drat dude she's pretty hot for a black girl" and i was like oh okay

anyway the guy that said that really wanted to join the improv team that i was on and i told the people running it about that conversation and they wouldn't let him join lmao "yes and" that you bitch

I'm not really sure its an own to say someone was prevented from joining an improv group. I say this as someone whose family has a lot of Second City connections.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 08:54

Invisible Clergy: Sep 25, 2015; "Behold, I will corrupt your seed, and spread dung upon your faces"

Malachi 2:3

cumshitter posted:

I'm not really sure its an own to say someone was prevented from joining an improv group. I say this as someone whose family has a lot of Second City connections.

How impressive is it to have done improv in college? It must thus be less impressive to have failed to do improv in college.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 09:18

cumshitter: Sep 27, 2005; by Fluffdaddy

Invisible Clergy posted:

How impressive is it to have done improv in college? It must thus be less impressive to have failed to do improv in college.

Depends on if you can sell tickets or get gigs.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 09:19

Maiden: Mar 18, 2008

cumshitter posted:

I'm not really sure its an own to say someone was prevented from joining an improv group. I say this as someone whose family has a lot of Second City connections.

It was just a small anecdote about racism biting someone in the rear end. I'm not sure why you felt the need to call it out like this.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 09:20

Thumbtacks: Apr 3, 2013

cumshitter posted:

I'm not really sure its an own to say someone was prevented from joining an improv group. I say this as someone whose family has a lot of Second City connections.

that's honestly a good point and if he'd joined it maybe he would have gotten kicked out of the frat for image reasons which would have been funnier

anyway he also once told me that if you're not actively cheating on a girlfriend you don't really love her and i never bothered unpacking that, i forgot about that until just now

# ? Oct 29, 2021 09:26

Quackles: Aug 11, 2018; Pixels of Light.

Thumbtacks posted:

anyway he also once told me that if you're not actively cheating on a girlfriend you don't really love her and i never bothered unpacking that, i forgot about that until just now

# ? Oct 29, 2021 09:37

Ghost Leviathan: Mar 2, 2017; Exploration is ill-advised.

There's a reason that 'bro' and 'frat boy' has become an insult that basically everyone calls their bitterest ideological enemies.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 09:51

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

AITA for agreeing with my daughter that I didnt like her name?

quote:

Mildred.

That's my 6 year old daughter's name. I fought so hard to not have her named that, but my wife was dead set on it. Who even names their kid Mildred anymore? Are we in the 19th century or something? And plus I know how kids are. Sure enough, I picked up my daughter from school today and usually she's excited when I pick her up, but she was quiet. I kept asking her what was wrong and when we were almost home, she finally confessed and said that someone in her class had said that her name "sounded like a grandma." Basically, old.

She said she didn't like her name anymore, and I tried to sympathize by saying, "I'm sorry kiddo. Yeah, I never liked your name either. I thought it was a stupid name when I first heard it, but everyone in the family thought it was okay, and I got shot down. But on the bright side, you can change it when you get older."

We were in the garage by then and she looked at me in horror and said, "You don't like my name either?" And she opened the door, crying, and ran inside before I could catch her. She told her mother that I said her name was stupid (somehow she also forgot to mention the kid in her class who started it) and even after I explained the whole situation to my wife, she was mad and wanted me to apologize.

I refused. I said, "Apologize for what? I don't like the name, I never liked the name, and our daughter doesn't even like the name." I was mad at the moment, too, so I walked away but later I tried to talk to our daughter and ask why she just started crying like that because I was genuinely confused (still am, to be honest) but all she said was that she wasn't "happy at me" and that she didn't want to talk to me right at the moment.

I'm not too worried about my daughter because she's 6, so she'll probably forget it by tomorrow or like a week at most, but my wife is really mad at me right now because she was telling me that I should apologize tomorrow, and I kept saying no. I think she just feels guilty that she named our daughter Mildred, but I'm curious if I'm TA here.

All I did was agree with my daughter when she said she didn't like her name. I still want an explanation why she just started crying like that.

Edit: For anyone just reading this, if you reached this point, I think I have enough replies. I'm going to bed soon, so I just want to reply to the answers I've already received and I don't want this to get too big. It's not that serious. Thank you.

Edit 2: I think I've replied to everyone. The consensus seems to be that I should apologize but I think I'll wait and see if my daughter even remembers this in the morning. And I'm definitely not apologizing until she tells me she just randomly started crying like that. She said she didn't like her name, I agreed, and she started crying. Makes no sense. Should I do update tomorrow? Maybe, maybe not - we'll see. Anyway, good night. Thank you for the replies.

Also, anyone just reading this for the first time, you don't need to leave anymore comments, if you're just gonna say YTA. I get the point. I would be interested to see if anyone has any NTA comments and I will definitely try to look and read those tomorrow. Night everyone.

please god be fake. Please tell me there is not a person like this in the world

# ? Oct 29, 2021 10:08

Thumbtacks: Apr 3, 2013

was that written by the same dad as the room cleaning 5 year old's dad

# ? Oct 29, 2021 10:09

Beachcomber: May 21, 2007; Another day in paradise.; Slippery Tilde

teen witch posted:

AITA for agreeing with my daughter that I didnt like her name?

please god be fake. Please tell me there is not a person like this in the world

It's no Pnurtis. I do wonder where the other kid picked it up. I'm guessing one of their parents said it to the other.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 10:24

Thumbtacks: Apr 3, 2013

she might not have known any better and someone asked her what Milly stands for and she just told them or something idk

it's a terrible name but if she goes by Milly it's probably fine, that's a good nickname

or she could be cool and go by Dred

# ? Oct 29, 2021 10:30

packetmantis: Feb 26, 2013

Mildred is a kickass name!!!

# ? Oct 29, 2021 10:40

rain dogs: Apr 19, 2020

for a 80 year old

# ? Oct 29, 2021 10:46

Whorelord: May 1, 2013; Jump into the well...

please for the love of god do not name your daughter mildred

# ? Oct 29, 2021 10:52

keep punching joe: Jan 22, 2006; Die Satan!

Old lady names are the new trend in naming kids.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 11:10

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

It�s not a new trend. Girls names are more cyclical and prone to fashion effects than boys� but they share this cyclical nature. All those old Mildreds were once little girls too, the name was fashionable, until it wasn�t, they grew old and maybe now is the time for the name to bloom again.

The guy is an rear end in a top hat, no doubt about it, but it�s not because he doesn�t like her name. It�s because he�s thick as a wall and so intent on defending his weird take of �if I can�t understand why she�s upset then it makes no sense and I�m not the AH�

# ? Oct 29, 2021 12:21

Johnny Truant: Jul 22, 2008

packetmantis posted:

Mildred is a kickass name!!!

# ? Oct 29, 2021 12:25

AreWeDrunkYet: Jul 8, 2006

sullat posted:

Jesus I hope it ended his career and we never heard from him again.

Calling Obama clean and articulate? Right, surely that would end a politician's career and they wouldn't be *checks notes* the president today.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 12:28

Malcolm Excellent: May 20, 2007; Buglord

Just go by Milly, or Dred or something

# ? Oct 29, 2021 12:35

Bibliotechno Music: Dec 30, 2008

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for invoicing my friend for 121 bucks after she pestered me for 17?

If OP hadn�t mentioned their friend is single, I would swear this was my husband�s former band mate. She once did this to him, over $4, in cash, on the way to a gig, where there were no in-network ATMs around. Which means she demanded that he not only give her $4, but that he pay $3 for the privilege of doing so. And before you say that he should have refused, remember that they were going onstage in half an hour, and she absolutely would have thrown a gig-ruining tantrum.

She also recently showed up to a group dinner while covid-positive without telling anyone. It was only after she was in the car on their way home that she sent a group message claiming that her dr�s office had just called her (at 10:00 pm on a Sunday) to tell her she had it.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 12:37

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# ? May 28, 2024 06:17

Dik Hz: Feb 22, 2004; Fun with Science

teen witch posted:

AITA for agreeing with my daughter that I didnt like her name?

please god be fake. Please tell me there is not a person like this in the world

I'm not saying Dad's not an rear end, but both parents should have veto power over kids' names and this kind of thing wouldn't happen.

# ? Oct 29, 2021 12:53

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