Cowslips Warren posted:

Ugh these are store brand nuggies, can you at least spring for the good ones?

quote:

I know the title is a little weird but I'll do my best to provide context without too many identifying details, although this situation is quite specific. I [28F] have been with my husband [28M] "Jason" for 8 years, engaged for the last 2. My husband is Korean, and I'm Chinese, although I look ambiguously East Asian and people often think I'm Korean. My surname could also pass for Korean.

Jason is not too close with his parents, so I only met with them briefly over the years. They are quite traditional, but they really liked me because since my parents are also traditional, I kinda know how to cater to that demographic. It also helps that I'm a medical doctor, which is what they hoped Jason would be. He doesn't care much about having a career, and is actually currently more of a homemaker and spends most of his time painting miniatures. We joke often that he's my stay at home husband.

I felt that it would probably be best for our parents to meet before the actual wedding, so we had a small get together with our immediate families at our apartment. After initial introductions, his parents tried to talk to my parents in Korean, and they were horrified to find that my parents were actually Chinese. Apparently, they assumed I was Korean and just chose to speak to them in English whenever we met. His father was livid, and accused me of trying to dirty his bloodline and that he would not recognize any "half-breed" children of ours. He didn't stop there of course, the rant/lecture spiraled and he began attacking me for working too much, saying I could never be a proper wife or mother.

I was sitting there silently while Jason tried to calm his dad down up until this point, but I snapped and told him that my work was the only reason Jason and I were able to afford our apartment and that he should be grateful that I am in a position where I can afford to provide for his son. This really pissed him off and now he's also mad at Jason for not being a doctor and for not "keeping me in line"..

While my future FIL is a miserable nationalist goon, I do feel bad that I kind of dragged Jason into the line of fire because I knew that his parents would sometimes compare us in the past (i.e. OP did medical school, it's not too late for you to do it too!) Jason isn't upset with me nor does he fault me for what I said, but I can tell he is starting to get affected by his father's extended rage. AITA?

EDIT: there a number of comments calling Jason TA for not telling his parents about me being chinese, as well as calling him a mooch.

To be honest, I understand why he didn't tell them, as we both have somewhat strained relationships with our overbearing and manipulative parents. He said that his father has expressed feelings of nationalism before but could not have imagined how violently he would've reacted, and I believe him because I know they barely talk. He also said he would have told them I was chinese if they asked, they just never did. I also didn't really meet them until after we were engaged simply because we both just don't like our parents knowing stuff. I know it's not a very healthy way to deal with things, but we both just don't really tell our parents anything unless we HAVE to.

As for the mooch thing, I'll paste my response to a comment: I know it kind of seems like that, but he basically went into science despite kind of hating it just because his parents wanted him to (thats how we met). He wasn't sure what to do after uni so he worked as a lab tech, a job he hated, for like 5-6 years and supported me through medical school. I encouraged him to quit partway through the pandemic because I really started raking it in at this point, and now he takes care of me, our home, and is just exploring his options.

He didn't know he hated science when he chose his program, he was just 18 and didn't really know what he wanted to do with his life, which I think most people can relate to. I also didn't unilaterally decide for him to quit his job, we discussed it after I saw how unhappy his work made him. We are planning on having kids soon, so having him at home or working freelance will be very beneficial for us as I work crazy hours right now.

quote:

I was so shocked when this was even brought up, I thought it was a joke. My husband and I have a 3.5 year old and a 1.5 year old. I work full time and he stays home with the kids and does online school.

He has been trying to finish his bachelor's degree for 8 years. Due to things like having his own full time job, difficulty focusing, and us having kids a few years ago, it has taken him a very long time. Next semester will finally be his last, but it is going to be a particularly difficult one.

We have slightly discussed it may be time to put the kids in daycare, since he will need the time to focus on classes and get his degree.

This week, he texted me that his sister suggested he and the kids come visit them halfway across the country for a MONTH. I couldn't even believe it was bring suggested. His sister has 4 young kids herself, I can't imagine her being okay with not having her kids that long. I would be stuck at home since I still have to work. Thier idea is that his mom and sister will "nanny" our two kids (his sister is a stay at home mom of her 4). They say it will be a great opportunity to spend quality time with each other and for the kids to get to know thier cousins, while my husband will be able to have time to focus on school.

I literally started crying at work, not believing this suggestion. At first my husband was understanding of my hesitation, but eventually arguments have ensued and we are barely talking to each other over it. He says if he had had a chance to stay in school right when we got married, he could've had his school done by now, and he is so tired of being on this hamster wheel. I told him there is no way you are going to make me the villain of this story by saying since I'm not ok with my kids going away for a month, that you aren't going to be able to finish school. They can go to daycare like normal kids. However he thinks this is some great family bonding opportunity not to be missed.

AITA because I am not willing to part with my young children for a month long span so they and my husband can go visit his family while he focuses on his last semester?

Also- it has since been brought up I could take vacation for the first week, go home a week and a half, come back for a long weekend, and come back home while they stay another week and a half. I still don't feel ok with this.

UPDATE: Thank you all for any time spent reading and responding. Yes crying seems over the top, but hey, I'm a mom. I extra appreciate those helping me see my husband's side, yes much of his "focus" is his own fault/issues (as he would say himself) but I think he is probably very burnt out as many have suggested.

I'm burnt out too, and I know a break would be nice but God not 4 weeks. We are currently thinking we all go 1 week, I come home/work 8 days, i fly and do a 4/5 day visit there, me come home/work 9 more days and then we all come home. I'm still feeling fairly stuck on leaving them again after my 4/5 day visit for another 9 days... idk if I could do an over week-long goodbye twice.

We are getting them in daycare for sure, but he/his family really want the time to spend together. I guess my biggest worry at this point would be- IS THIS GOING TO GIVE THEM ABANDONMENT ISSUES???? I'm worried about them not understanding why their mom isn't with them (especially 1.5 yr old).

and if the general consensus is a month is too long, what about the current proposed plan? I still wish we could settle on like 2 weeks/daycare.

Hughlander posted:

AITA for "throwing" my career in my in-laws face?

To be honest, I understand why he didn't tell them, as we both have somewhat strained relationships with our overbearing and manipulative parents. He said that his father has expressed feelings of nationalism before but could not have imagined how violently he would've reacted, and I believe him because I know they barely talk. He also said he would have told them I was chinese if they asked, they just never did.

Funktastic posted:

AITA My husband wants to take our young children for a month long visit with his family without me

pentyne posted:

These people weren't even alive when the first Harry Potter book came out how does it have this much of a stranglehold on the culture? I'd think by now it looks fairly antiquated oh also the writer is a massive bigot.

Sisal Two-Step posted:

Uh huh.

spouse posted:

19M - Slytherin attitude

well-known extremely smart video gamer loner lord voldemort.

Computer viking posted:

Daycare is ridiculously expensive in some places, which could be part of it? It could also just be "they should be with their family as much as possible", and when the dad is home anyway, the two can probably become conflated.

E: nvm he also has a full-time job? I do not get how this works out.

quote:

I (34m) was gearing up to celebrate my 10th anniversary with my wife (31f). I had an entire night planned out, like we were going to be trying lobster for the first time. Where the conflict arises was with the cake.

I had always wanted to do a penis shaped cake since I thought it was funny, but I didn't know how my wife would react. However, since it was our 10th anniversary, I figured she would be used to my crude sense of humor. I went ahead and got the cake a couple of days in advance and put it into our fridge.

However, my wife snuck a peek and was not pleased. She got really mad at me, and accused me of trying to ruin our special night. I thought that was ridiculous, but she's been mad at me ever since. Apparently she spoke with her family about it, and they've been blowing up my phone ever since (they're mostly conservative Mormons). I still don't think I did anything wrong by trying to do something nice for her, but I realized I might be TA because I haven't offered to get another cake yet since the mood is kind of ruined.

Dazerbeams posted:

If most of the night was romantic and clearly showed that effort had been put in, a bit of light humor at the end isn't anything to get upset over.

spouse posted:

Here's a fun one:

19M - Slytherin attitude

well-known extremely smart video gamer loner lord voldemort.

Sisal Two-Step posted:

I read this over twice and I can't figure out why they can't just put the kids in daycare? Like... is there a long waitlist? Or is the husband just being an idiot?

Hughlander posted:

AITA for "throwing" my career in my in-laws face?

My surname could also pass for Korean.

Sisal Two-Step posted:

Uh huh.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for getting my wife a penis shaped cake?

Bonster posted:

I can't figure out why she thinks crying would be overreacting (I know why. Reddit thinks any emotional response is unwarranted and manipulative). He wants to take a 1.5-year-old baby away for a month. Most parents get nervous leaving a baby that age for a night.

She's being bullied into having a terribly stressful month. Why can't sis visit for a week for bonding time, and then a few weeks of daycare?

Brawnfire posted:

https://soundcloud.com/brawnfire/jeopardizethebeans

If there's anything else from this thread I can say/read into a microphone, let me know, I need amusement

tinytort posted:

He wants to take a toddler away for a month, to a completely different country.

That's a red flag for this thread, usually, that the guy is considering fleeing with the kids and not coming back.

quote:

So our new neighbors renovated their backyard around 3 months ago, not long after they moved in. They added a pool, a hammock, a built-in grill, and a bar, they basically made a resort in their own backyard. Our backyard has grass and a bunch of tall palm trees that are right behind their fence. So lately, a few of the dead leaves of our palm trees have been falling into their backyard, which wasn't an issue with the old neighbors, they rarely brought it up and we were always apologetic.

The thing is, we've been considering getting rid of our palm trees for a couple years because of the maintenance and also because we never spend time in our backyard, so when the neighbors started throwing the leaves back into our yard and yelling at us to be responsible, we decided it was time to cut them down. They didn't like this idea either. They said that when they were planning their backyard, they were considering our trees as part of their scenery and that without the trees it would take away from their backyard. They also said that there isn't enough space for them to plant their own trees. So they offered to pay for someone to come to our house to maintain our trees.

This would usually be really nice but at this point we were set on taking down the trees, and we also didn't want to form a relationship with the neighbors because they were very rude and we would feel like we owed them if they paid for the maintenance. So two days ago we cut down the trees and now they're furious, complaining to all the other neighbors, blasting us on the neighborhood forum and giving out our address. They told us that we are not being neighborly and that we're selfish. We told them that it's our property and we can do whatever we want with it, and they should've been responsible when they decided not to put trees in their yard. So, are we the assholes?

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for getting my wife a penis shaped cake?

Mx. posted:

AITA for chopping down the trees in my backyard even though my neighbor liked them and asked me not to?

bbbbbbut i want to have my cake, AND eat it too!!

kntfkr posted:

kinda sick gently caress has never had lobster by their mid 30s

kntfkr posted:

kinda sick gently caress has never had lobster by their mid 30s

pentyne posted:

These people weren't even alive when the first Harry Potter book came out how does it have this much of a stranglehold on the culture? I'd think by now it looks fairly antiquated oh also the writer is a massive bigot.

Zulily Zoetrope posted:

Nice try but everyone knows gas station sushi is not a real thing and is just a harmful stereotype about the states.

kntfkr posted:

kinda sick gently caress has never had lobster by their mid 30s

Zurtilik posted:

People think I'm [23/M] either trans or gay because I choose female characters/avatars in video games

empty sea posted:

As a woman I like to play male characters but make them short as hell. Love playing the short kings

TK8325 posted:

e: wtf? Why is this "crossarms" but not this

quote:

My girlfriend and me had to leave our apartment because of a fire. (It was only in one apartment on the ground floor and none of the others got damaged and fortunately the damage in that one was minor and no one got hurt. But there still had to be an inspection to make sure it was safe before we could come back).

My brother has an extra bedroom so my girlfriend and me went to stay with him. I was glad my brother said we could stay when he found out about the fire. We stayed with him for 2 days/2 nights in total. One thing I didn't think of was that my brother lives further away from downtown and everything then we do. There is a bus but the service isn't the same and there is frequent transit or things within walking distance etc. The bus runs less frequently now because of the pandemic and all that.

My brother doesn't drink coffee or caffeine at all. He didn't have any in the house. He doesn't have a coffee maker or mugs to have it in. He doesn't see it as a problem but I think he should have had something once he knew he was having guests. Even if he doesn't drink it most adults do so he should have something if he knows people are coming over. He says no one has ever complained before. Since he was far out from the city like I said there is no coffee shop, grocery store or gas station in walking distance and no grocery delivery or anything like that. If I am honest those 3 mornings with no caffeine were hell especially the first one after the fire. My girlfriend wanted to order some online but the delivery is not quick.

We're grateful my brother agreed to let us stay there but I told him it's a bad move as a host not to keep caffeine or a way to make coffee since it's a thing most adults do even though he is an outlier. He got kind of offended but I think he should think this through more. I did thank him for letting us stay and he refused my money for the food if his we ate. But am I right that he should keep coffee if he's have guests and some way to make it or did I overreact?

Maiden posted:

They were uploaded at the same time and the uploader hosed up the names and now it's long standing forums lore(aka a joke).

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my brother he is a bad host?

Evil Willow posted:

AITA for telling my brother he is a bad host?

Breetai posted:

The Boss in Saint's Row 3 is canonically a super buff black lady in a business suit with a Russian accent to me because why make a generic white dude who looks like me when I could make something more interesting in my power fantasy about bitchslapping gang members with a 4 foot long purple floppy dong?

mediaphage posted: