r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

Vinny Possum: Sep 21, 2015; THUNDERDOME LOSER

cumshitter posted:

in the comments the OP reveals that her boyfriend is a white hotep. He also believes white people were made by the mad scientist Jaukub.

r/relationships: OP reveals that her boyfriend is a white hotep

# ? Nov 1, 2021 07:56

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# ? May 31, 2024 00:13

Batterypowered7: Aug 8, 2009; The mist that chills you keeps me warm.

cumshitter posted:

in the comments the OP reveals that her boyfriend is a white hotep. He also believes white people were made by the mad scientist Jaukub.

OP's boyfriend has been reading Dr. David Thorpe's front page articles about Tooth Tooth.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 08:15

Evil Willow: Apr 26, 2007; Bored now...

AITA For Calling Out My Girlfriend For Living A Double Life?

quote:

I (23M) have been dating my girlfriend, Jane (21F) for nearly a year. We go to separate colleges about 40 minutes away from one another, but we still see each other multiple times a week. I've noticed though that she always prefers to come to my apartment in a small town rather than me visiting her at her apartment. When we talk about family, she is always very reserved and just tells me that she's not close with hers. As far as friends go, I've met a great deal of her highschool and college friends that all seem average.

Now, she's always presented herself as a "broke college student" and will actively say that fact whenever money comes up and laughs it off. However, I've noticed over the months that despite saying that, she refuses to eat fast food, she likes going on impromptu "mini vacations" which by her standard are just staying within the country but are by no means cheap, and she drives a car worth over $70k.

Last night we met up with a few of her "childhood friends" to shoot pool. A few of them noticed that I drive a Tesla that I just bought for myself brand new this year. It's my pride and joy, and I will admit that I've done quite well for myself over time and building up my own income.

Here's where the red flags start. They all called her by a different name. Rather than her name that I and all her friends I've met before call her by, they were calling her something else completely. All of these friends were also foreign, coming from Brazil, Spain, Ivory Coast, and etc. Eventually while talking about my car, a Brazilian girl named Camilla asked Jane if she intended to ask her father to buy her one. Jane just shrugged it off awkwardly with a "maybe".

Throughout the night it became glaringly obvious that all of these "childhood friends" came from extremely wealthy families, so I asked Jane how she met them. She said that they went to school together overseas for a while and went to summer camps together. Jane also spoke to most of them in languages other than English, mostly French or Spanish as that's what they all seemed to know besides English.

After we left back to my place, I asked her what the deal was, and she said that she does come from a well off family, and the name that her friends called her was her actual name. She just went by a more common one when she came to our state because it was easier for people to pronounce. I felt miffed that she had been lying about her source of income for what seems like years, and that she actually had a lot more money than she had let on. I asked her if I could look at her Venmo in which I see regular deposits from her father ranging from $400-$1000 weekly as an "allowance".

I called her a trustfund baby, and told her that she's a liar for pretending that she doesn't actually have money when she clearly does, and that she's just masquerading around lower classes and likes looking at how we all live. She got extremely upset with me and left, and is still refusing to speak to me.

AITA?

# ? Nov 1, 2021 08:21

Sanford: Jun 30, 2007; ...and rarely post!

Evil Willow posted:

AITA For Calling Out My Girlfriend For Living A Double Life?

There�s a song about this.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 08:33

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

I wanna live like common people
I wanna do whatever common people do
Wanna sleep with common people

# ? Nov 1, 2021 08:35

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

Uni boy who bought a tesla at age 23 disgusted to find out that gf is rich, also.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 09:51

a podcast for cats: Jun 22, 2005; Dogs reading from an artifact buried in the ruins of our civilization, "We were assholes- " and writing solemnly, "They were assholes."; Soiled Meat

kimbo305 posted:

Can anyone confirm if this is very normal in ~~Euope~~ Romani culture?
Is it just a weird character assassination?

e: whoop, efb

In my very limited exposure from growing up in Eastern Europe, Romani culture is both insular (not hard to imagine why) and very misogynistic and it would be weird for a woman to marry an outsider, much less for her family to approve of the match.

Then again, I'm happy to be wrong about this.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 10:08

Ziv Zulander: Mar 24, 2017; ZZ for short

Fanboy of noted slave owner Elon musk upset that other people have more money than him, no longer feels like he�s big dick rod johnson

# ? Nov 1, 2021 10:11

packetmantis: Feb 26, 2013

Hwhite Hotep

# ? Nov 1, 2021 10:22

QuarkJets: Sep 8, 2008

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for leaving a family without childcare because the child called the police on me?

The babysitter goes above and beyond by basically offering to run a home daycare for the parents, with the single stipulation that it can't include the 15 year-old domestic terrorist

# ? Nov 1, 2021 10:26

Bug Squash: Mar 18, 2009

cumshitter posted:

in the comments the OP reveals that her boyfriend is a white hotep. He also believes white people were made by the mad scientist Jaukub.

Sounds interesting, I wonder what that's about...

Wikipedia posted:

The story of Yakub originated in the writings of Wallace Fard Muhammad, the founder of the Nation of Islam, in his doctrinal Q&A pamphlet Lost Found Moslem Lesson No. 2.[3] It was developed by his successor Elijah Muhammad in several writings, most fully in a chapter entitled "The Making of Devil" in his book Message to the Blackman in America.[4]

Yakub is said to have been born in Mecca at a time when 30% of original black people were "dissatisfied".[5] He was a member of the Meccan branch of the Tribe of Shabazz. Yakub acquired the nickname "big head", because of his unusually large head and his arrogance. At the age of six, he discovered the law of attraction and repulsion by playing with magnets made of steel.[6] This insight led to a plan to create new people. He "saw an unlike human being, made to attract others, who could, with the knowledge of tricks and lies, rule the original black man.”[6] By the age of 18, he had exhausted all knowledge in the universities of Mecca. He then discovered that the original black man contained both a "black germ" and a "brown germ". With 59,999 followers, he went to an "isle in the Aegean Sea called Pelan", which Muhammad identifies with Patmos. Once there, he established a despotic regime and set about breeding out the black traits, killed all darker babies, and created a brown race after 200 years. Yakub died at the age of 152, but his followers carried on his work. After 600 years of this deliberate eugenics, the white race was created.[7] The brutal conditions of their creation determined the evil nature of the new race: "by lying to the black mother of the baby, this lie was born into the very nature of the white baby; and, murder for the black people was also born in them—or made by nature a liar and murderer".[4]

The new race traveled to Mecca where they caused so much trouble they were exiled to "West Asia (Europe), and stripped of everything but the language....Once there, they were roped in, to keep them out of Paradise....The soldiers patrolled the border armed with swords, to prevent the devils from crossing."[4] For many centuries they lived a barbaric life, surviving naked in caves and eating raw meat, but eventually they were drawn out of the caves by Moses who "taught them to wear clothes". Moses tried to civilize them, but eventually gave up and blew up 300 of the most troublesome of them with dynamite.[8] However, they had learned to use "tricknology" to usurp power and enslave the black population, bringing the first slaves to America. According to The Autobiography of Malcolm X, all the races other than the black race were by-products of Yakub's (spelled Yacub in the biography) work, as the "red, yellow and brown" races were created during the "bleaching" process;[5] however, the "black race" included Asian peoples, considered to be shared ancestors of the Moors. "Whites" were defined as Europeans. Elijah Muhammad also asserted that some of the new white race "tried to graft themselves back into the black nation, but they had nothing to go by." As a result, they became gorillas. "A few were lucky enough to make a start, and got as far as what you call the gorilla. In fact, all of the monkey family are from this 2,000 year history of the white race in Europe."[4]

# ? Nov 1, 2021 10:29

Fruits of the sea: Dec 1, 2010

Vinny Possum posted:

r/relationships: OP reveals that her boyfriend is a white hotep

This... isn't actually a thing, is it?

# ? Nov 1, 2021 10:29

Megillah Gorilla: Sep 22, 2003; If only all of life's problems could be solved by smoking a professor of ancient evil texts.; Bread Liar

loving lolling at the idea of a white hotep.

smdh

Mx. posted:

I wanna live like common people
I wanna do whatever common people do
Wanna sleep with common people

The line "Everybody hates a tourist" also works.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 10:38

Canuckistan: Jan 14, 2004; I'm the greatest thing since World War III.; Soiled Meat

Mx. posted:

I wanna live like common people
I wanna do whatever common people do
Wanna sleep with common people

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=ainyK6fXku0

# ? Nov 1, 2021 10:57

Ziv Zulander: Mar 24, 2017; ZZ for short

Yakub, maker and creator of the devil
Swine merchant
Your time is near at hand
gently caress with me, and your time will be now

# ? Nov 1, 2021 10:59

Mx.: Dec 16, 2006; I'm a great fan! When I watch TV I'm always saying "That's political correctness gone mad!"
Why thankyew!

AITA for not telling my BIL about the college account we have for his daughter?

quote:

My (40F) husband �Robert� (45M) and I are childfree by choice. I�m an only child but Robert has a brother, �Samuel.� Samuel has a daughter, �Shelby,� who is 17 and a senior in high school. Shelby�s mom and Samuel split up when Shelby was three. Samuel has never been a very enthusiastic father and did not file for custody. He gets visitation and pays court-ordered child support.

Several years ago, Samuel told Robert that he wasn�t saving anything for Shelby for college. He said �she (Shelby�s mom) can pay for it out of the child support I send her every month.� When I heard this I suggested that we start saving some money each year in an account for Shelby that we would give her when she was ready for college. We started putting money aside each year and we invested it well so now the account has almost $35k in it. We didn�t tell anyone about the account because we didn�t know how much we would be able to save and we didn�t want Shelby to count on money that wouldn�t be there. I have some chronic health problems and we thought we might end up needing the money we had saved for Shelby, but I�m doing better so we are now comfortable giving it to her.

A couple years ago Samuel lost his job. He looked for a new one but he didn�t seem to be looking very hard. Whenever Robert asked him about it Samuel would say he would find something when he really needed to, but that he was enjoying having some time off. We assumed he was living off of his savings. He got a new job about a year later and has been working that job since.

Last month Shelby started looking into colleges. We decided we should tell her about the account because knowing the money was available might influence her decisions about where to apply. Shelby was very excited. But Samuel hit the roof. He called Robert and screamed at him about how he could really have used that money to pay his child support while he was unemployed. Then Robert�s mom called and started screaming too. Apparently, Robert�s parents were actually making Samuel�s child support payments while Samuel was unemployed, even though they are retired and on a fixed income. Nobody ever told us that, and Samuel never asked us for a loan or anything. He seemed really nonchalant about not having a job.

Now Robert feels terrible because his parents spent a bunch of money on Samuel while we had $30k in a savings account. He says we should have told them about the account and offered to help Samuel out. I pointed out that we didn�t know for sure that we wouldn�t need the money until recently, and that Samuel could have gotten a job to make ends meet rather than taking money from his parents.

AITA?

it's fun to watch a train wreck from a distance though isnt it

# ? Nov 1, 2021 11:10

axolotl farmer: May 17, 2007; Now I'm going to sing the Perry Mason theme

cumshitter posted:

in the comments the OP reveals that her boyfriend is a white hotep. He also believes white people were made by the mad scientist Jaukub.

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=6L0xT8lMyss

# ? Nov 1, 2021 12:30

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for getting mad at my mom after she shamed me for trying to, �save� my husband?

quote:

My husband and I were classmates and after we started dating ran away from the group home he lived at when he was 14, and stayed with us. Until my mom made him leave. I did his schoolwork for him since we had a lot of the same classes throughout high school. And in my moms words �taught him it was okay to do nothing�. But he needed help, not �tough love�.

After he got out of the army, I let him live in my apartment. Even after he turned it into a crack house. And got me in serious trouble. I was really upset but I stuck with him.

He eventually got a job fixing cars at a small shop down the street. Even though he wasn�t certified. And eventually got fired when new management took over and found out that he wasn�t certified. So he falsified certification and opened his own shop. And today he owns a chain of auto shops. He still holds onto things from the past. And is mad at the world for�reasons. But he Refused to go to therapy, and opted to make me his therapist. Which my moms sees as me trying to, �fix� him. Yeah, he�s rough around the edges. But I think I�ve done a good job smoothing them out.

She is upset with me because she says she�s, �only trying to help me. And keep me from wasting my time trying to save someone who doesn�t want to be saved�.

I told my mom that People with her mindset will be in for a rude awakening when they hit a rough patch and wonder why no one offers assistance after they went through life being a no-nonsense, anti-free loading, hard rear end. But even my husband told me I was to hard on her.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 12:51

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

That's like the platonic ideal of ESH, I'm amazed.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 12:54

greazeball: Feb 4, 2003

Serephina posted:

Uni boy who bought a tesla at age 23 disgusted to find out that gf is rich, also.

Imagine being with a girl who doesn't utterly depend on you financially!

# ? Nov 1, 2021 13:06

Smirking_Serpent: Aug 27, 2009

AITA for being upset that lunch plans changed last minute and making others, who invited themselves, feel embarrassed about their inability to pay?

quote:

I had lunch plans with a friend for today and had been looking forward to them. We were going to my favorite restaurant. I am autistic and as such everything is planned down to the detail for me� budgeting, timing and so on. I also am a very picky eater and therefore am particular about what I eat and where. And while I recognize that I live in a world not built for me and therefore I must adapt the best I can, I do not adapt WELL to extremely last minute changes in plans. It throws me off.

I invited one other person last night and slowly, one by one, other people began inviting themselves to these plans, which they heard about in passing and ended up being 8 people total. This left two people who were sleeping over the same house with me after a Halloween party feeling excluded because they couldn�t afford the restaurant.

I was asked if I minded changing the plan to be inclusive and even though I didn�t want to change the plan, I said yes out of feeling sympathetic and said �I am feeling sympathetic today� sure why not. Just not TGI Fridays or Applebee�s.�

I was told this reply was rude and embarrassed people who couldn�t pay. In my view I sacrificed my plans at my inconvenience and others were rude to invite themselves.

AITA?

# ? Nov 1, 2021 13:13

Pope Hilarius II: Nov 10, 2008

kimbo305 posted:

Can anyone confirm if this is very normal in ~~Euope~~ Romani culture?
Is it just a weird character assassination?

e: whoop, efb

pentyne posted:

The OP said in the comments he talked to other Romani people and they all told him it was extremely weird and not something they'd ever heard of.

My girlfriend is Romani and while Roma do sometimes have traditions that seem out of step with ~general~ European culture (I'm using broad strokes here, most of what I've seen and heard so far doesn't strike me as being that far-out), this seems positively ludicrous and makes me think OP wrote all of that one-handed, then projected this so-called tradition on a culture "known" for its otherness, so it's not just 95% likely to be masturbatory bullshit, it's racist as well.

a podcast for cats posted:

In my very limited exposure from growing up in Eastern Europe, Romani culture is both insular (not hard to imagine why) and very misogynistic and it would be weird for a woman to marry an outsider, much less for her family to approve of the match.

Then again, I'm happy to be wrong about this.

I'm not an expert by any stretch, but while Roma people do have a strong sense of intra-communal pride, they are pretty heterogenous as well. My gf's sister married an "outsider" and I'm clearly not Roma either (I did require a stamp of approval from her mother, but to me that felt more like an informal vetting process rather than something strict). There also seems to be quite a difference between Roma who have been sedentary for generations and those who are still travelers. Most of the stereotypes and clich�s we think of, sedentary Roma have about traveling Roma as well. Income also plays a role. My gf's family is relatively well-to-do and can afford to relax some of its rules because no one can really tell them off for it.

So yeah, OP of "I'm required to date my MIL and maybe gently caress her tee hee" is full of poo poo.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 13:48

Cowslips Warren: Oct 29, 2005; What use had they for tricks and cunning, living in the enemy's warren and paying his price?; Grimey Drawer

AITA for making fun of someone's family after he made fun of mine?

quote:

I (15M) have two mums. Last week was the 5th anniversary of the first night my sisters and I spent in their care, so I made some posts on social media to celebrate. Apparently, a lot of people didn't realise that I have two mums until now, and the reaction was mixed.

One guy in particular, who we'll call Jacob, started posting all these nasty, homophobic things that I don't want to repeat. He also said things about how children need a mother and a father to grow up "right". Jacob's father left when he was little and I was upset about him saying those things about my family, so I commented "if children need a father to grow up right, where's your dad?"

He blocked me and deleted the comment, but screenshots have been going around. A lot of people have said I went too far and that our situations aren't the same. AITA?

Oh yeah it's fine to be homophobic but don't you dare throw the rock back at me!

# ? Nov 1, 2021 14:05

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

Maybe a dad coulda taught them not to be a piece of poo poo somehow

But I doubt it!

# ? Nov 1, 2021 14:08

Barudak: May 7, 2007

Brawnfire posted:

Maybe a dad coulda taught them not to be a piece of poo poo somehow

But I doubt it!

Doubt it, his dad already did an assessment on Jacob's potential

# ? Nov 1, 2021 14:12

HerStuddMuffin: Aug 10, 2014; YOSPOS

It�s always the same pattern too. They pushed my buttons, I gave them what they were asking for, now they�re crying and saying reaping what they sow isn�t fair. Did I go too far?
It�s entertaining, but oh so predictable.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 14:16

Alchenar: Apr 9, 2008

OP needs to explain to their friends that the difference is that their parents were born gay, whereas faking your death and leaving the country because you don't love your disappointment of a son is a choice.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 14:17

Brawnfire: Jul 13, 2004; 🎧Listen to Cylindricule!🎵
https://linktr.ee/Cylindricule

...what I said was just The Truth as Everyone Understands It! What you said was mean!

# ? Nov 1, 2021 14:19

Cythereal: Nov 8, 2009; I love the potoo,
and the potoo loves you.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for leaving a family without childcare because the child called the police on me?

White parents not knowing that calling the cops is attempted murder, goody.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 14:31

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Mx. posted:

AITA for not telling my BIL about the college account we have for his daughter?

He called Robert and screamed at him about how he could really have used that money to pay his child support while he was unemployed. Then Robert�s mom called and started screaming too. Apparently, Robert�s parents were actually making Samuel�s child support payments while Samuel was unemployed, even though they are retired and on a fixed income. Nobody ever told us that, and Samuel never asked us for a loan or anything.

This is literally the grandparents saying "wait, we could've shortchanged our granddaughter in exchange for having to pay less to float our failson? You jerks, why didn't you give us that option we didn't tell you about?!!"

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for being upset that lunch plans changed last minute and making others, who invited themselves, feel embarrassed about their inability to pay?

I was asked if I minded changing the plan to be inclusive and even though I didn�t want to change the plan, I said yes out of feeling sympathetic and said �I am feeling sympathetic today� sure why not. Just not TGI Fridays or Applebee�s.�

NTA, TGIF and Applebee's suck.

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for leaving a family without childcare because the child called the police on me?

This one wasn't fun to read. Leave that family behind for your own health, lady.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 15:05

Serephina: Nov 8, 2005; 恐竜戦隊
ジュウレンジャー

This is only one eighth of the post, I cut it off in what I felt is a good spot:

How do I [30 M] handle the horrible relations between my wife [30 F] and my mother [50s F] after several lovely things my mother has done

quote:

My wife and I have been together 11 years, married 6. Things have always been pretty shaky between her and my mom.

My mom have many toxic traits. She is quick to forget anything anyone does for her, but remembers every favor she did for them, and subtlety holds it over their head when she needs help with someone. She is quick to anger if she feels any form of disobedience or disagreement from anyone that she feels is beneath her (her children, employees, service employees, etc.). Early in our relationship (10 years ago), my mother had a meltdown while drunk over me not taking care of some chore fast enough, wife (then girlfriend) stood in my defense and my mom verbally and physically attacked her. I moved out and cut communication to near 0 for the next several years. Mother apologized (while never admitting to physically hitting wife) and asked for a second chance years later. We decided to give her another chance and things were fine for a long time.

[snip]

# ? Nov 1, 2021 15:26

Flared Basic Bitch: Feb 22, 2005; Invading your personal space since 1968.

Bug Squash posted:

Sounds interesting, I wonder what that's about...

Need to build a portfolio of high performing tricknology stocks.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 16:31

Soylent Pudding: Jun 22, 2007; We've got people!

AITA for making my son pass out the candy he got from trick or treating because he was being rude?

quote:

My son is 9 years old. We went trick or treating like we usually do and the night was going well except when we got to a house that had a bowl of candy sitting on the porch It said "Take 2 please". He puts his whole hand in there and grabs about 6 pieces.

Of course I corrected him, and made him put 4 of them back, explaining be needed to leave some for the others. From then on he had an attitude, and the last straw was when I told him to stop grabbing so much candy from people and he screamed "No!".

We had only been out for about an hour so I took him right on home. Took his candy bag, dumped it in a bowl and told him to come sit outside on the porch with me. He objected of course, as kids came by and took handfuls of his candy. He complained they were taking too much and I told him that he shouldn't have done the same then.

His father came home from work, asked why he was in his room crying, to which I explained why. He said it was really cruel to give away the kids candy just because he was taking a little too much. I said he needs to learn to not be so greedy to which my husband said that "Its ok, it's Halloween".

He said I was being a jerk, and that I should cut some slack for the one holiday that kids get to pig out. I don't agree, although I figured I could've done this differently. AITA?

Edit: No, I did not give away the entire bowl. And even if I had, I would have had no problem providing him more once he learned his lesson and apologized.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 16:35

Arsenic Lupin: Apr 12, 2012; This particularly rapid💨 unintelligible 😖patter💁 isn't generally heard🧏‍♂️, and if it is🤔, it doesn't matter💁.

Roommate went after a guy I told her I was into. Worth confrontation?

quote:

This past weekend I brought my (21f) roommate (20f) to my friends' (males in 20s) city. I spend a good bit of time there normally, and last weekend a friend (22m) and i started chatting more than usual and I felt a vibe of mutual interest from it. When I returned home I told my roommate about it and how I am interested in seeing where things go.

Fast forward to this weekend, I talk to her about it again rather casually but explicitly, in that I am interested in pursuing a physical relationship with this guy. Then after meeting him and spending some time with him and my other friends, she and him take a liking to eachother. She ended up spending the entire rest If the night with him.

I am frustrated. I am appalled at how she went directly against what I told her. Granted, I'm not one for possessing others or anything so I am struggling right now with the feeling of betrayal (because for me this situation is more an issue on principal.) and also guilt for feeling upset, because at the end of the day their chemistry is stronger than his and mine was.

Would it be worth talking to her about? Frankly I have lost a deal of respect. Being around so many guys made me realize she seemed to be the type to undermine me for the sake of impressing them.

TL;DR- My roommate went after a guy, who I told her explicitly that I was interested in and planned to move things along. Is it worth confrontation?

No, OP, you cannot call dibs on a fuckbuddy. Or on any other human.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 16:50

limp_cheese: Sep 10, 2007; Nothing to see here. Move along.

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for making my son pass out the candy he got from trick or treating because he was being rude?

This seemed like a proportional punishment and I feel we learn why the kid acts that way from his dad's reaction.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 17:07

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for making my son pass out the candy he got from trick or treating because he was being rude?

There is a lot of back and forth on the comments, but there's one very interesting story about a kid with Reactive Attachment Disorder, which I had never heard of, that made its way into the thread:

quote:

My daughter who struggles with social/emotional/behavioral challenges is way out of line a LOT. She has a hard time having empathy for others, and is very ego centered. (She has reactive attachment disorder) For a few Christmases when she was 5, 6, 7, she would hoard catalogues, circle toys she wanted (around 200), and then be ungrateful on Christmas. The first year this happened, I had this mentality: it�s just one day, it�s very special, be patient but try to correct her language. The next year, I warned her over and over and over about being disappointed because there would only be a handful of gifts out of the hundreds she wanted.

Christmas Day, her first gift she opened (something directly out of her list), she says, with no smile, �What is this? This isn�t what I wanted.� Then crossed her arms and huffed. I sent her to her room, back to bed, while my other kids continued on their way. We were all sad and upset, because I love Christmas and giving gifts to my kids, but she made her choice to be ungrateful. We tried an hour later, it continued. Being angry about the gifts. We put them in the closet and she was allowed to open one gift per day with kind behavior. This continued at extended family as well.

Each subsequent year, she has learned a bit more to be nice to mom, and started taking her anger out on Santa instead. He should have gotten me this, why didn�t I get that? (We also only buy presents for birthday and Christmas, we don�t get my kids random toys just because we are in target. We teach our kids to save money for that). This year, I almost didn�t give her Santa gifts. When she had bad behavior, she said she didn�t care about his gifts because she would get stuff from me anyway. But my husband reminded me that would end badly and I realized it would make her feel like her hard-to-control impulses were all her fault, and no one could see her good qualities, so Santa came.

She is now 9. Easter this year (she was 8), she pulled this again. Some unkind comments about her basket, but it all hit a head when she had more eggs than her siblings and she started saying she deserved more and it wasn�t fair. I sat her down and we talked about fairness and counted the eggs. She was still mad. I took a 30 second break, looked at my husband, and said, �Should I do it? Should I ruin it?� He nodded. (My other kids are in jr high).

I told her all about the Easter bunny being mom and dad. That we paid for all the gifts with our money because we want to make her happy and smile. That being ungrateful was hurtful to us, and made us sad, and I�m guessing makes her sad too. She cried, and I apologized that I did this, but that I needed her to understand that it wasn�t some invisible bunny who she was saying means things about, it was her parents.

It didn�t take long for her to figure out Santa. I really tried not to tell, but it had to be or I would just be lying. I told her that Santa isn�t a person, he is the spirit of giving inside all of us, that the gifts given as Santa show the true gift of giving and making others smile, and that when we participate in this way, we ARE Santa. So I hadn�t lied about Santa being real, just played the game of Santa that many families play, and I hope she will play with people she loves someday. So I am her Santa, and someone else�s parent/family is theirs, and she can be Santa for others, too. It broke my heart. Truly. But I knew it would happen eventually, and it seemed like this was a lesson that needed teaching, that her actions do make people feel things and that�s why they matter.

Christmas is coming, we still plan to continue the game of Santa, and I�ve invited the children to play with me snd maybe give Santa gifts to others as well.

Sometimes, these lessons are hard, especially for children who struggle with perspective taking snd empathy. But teaching them is so important. It effects how they are seen by others, and as time goes by, whether they make and keep friends, do well at school and work, and can have a family of their own. It�s cruel NOT to help them learn how to be a good member of their community, whatever societal norms there are in it.

from the Mayo Clinic:

quote:

Reactive attachment disorder is a rare but serious condition in which an infant or young child doesn't establish healthy attachments with parents or caregivers. Reactive attachment disorder may develop if the child's basic needs for comfort, affection and nurturing aren't met and loving, caring, stable attachments with others are not established.

With treatment, children with reactive attachment disorder may develop more stable and healthy relationships with caregivers and others. Treatments for reactive attachment disorder include psychological counseling, parent or caregiver counseling and education, learning positive child and caregiver interactions, and creating a stable, nurturing environment.

That sounds really hard. What wasn't clear to me is if it's always the result of neglect or if it sometimes just... happens? Maybe some psych goon can chime in.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 17:10

spouse: Nov 10, 2008; When our turn comes, we shall not make excuses for the terror.

Arsenic Lupin posted:

Roommate went after a guy I told her I was into. Worth confrontation?

No, OP, you cannot call dibs on a fuckbuddy. Or on any other human.

I mean, on the one hand, no, you don't have ownership of anyone or their feelings, but I've got a little experience here.

I had a friend back in high school who just "seemingly" decided he was interested in just about any woman I was into. I told him I really liked a girl we had a class with and intended to ask her to homecoming, he asked her out before I got the chance. I had a long distance girlfriend I ended things with, turns out he was trying to sext her over AIM (yay we're old) the entire time. When I met my next girlfriend, he asked for her phone number so he could meet her, I told him to gently caress off and ended the friendship. At that point it was a clear pattern.

OP's story isn't.. that... yet, but there are weird, predatory people who orient their pursuits in directions that are purposefully designed to hurt the people around them.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 17:19

teen witch: Oct 9, 2012

spouse posted:

OP's story isn't.. that... yet, but there are weird, predatory people who orient their pursuits in directions that are purposefully designed to hurt the people around them.

Yeah, I�ve known a few and it�s always a moment in learning how to keep some things private. Not even in relation to relationships! Some people see something others could have and it�s not that they want it personally, they just don�t want the others to have it themselves.

Sometimes it plays out in voting patterns.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 17:25

AngryRobotsInc: Aug 2, 2011

spouse posted:

That sounds really hard. What wasn't clear to me is if it's always the result of neglect or if it sometimes just... happens? Maybe some psych goon can chime in.

It has been a minute since I last took a child psychology course (and in full disclosure, I never finished the psychology program, and dipped out fairly early), but RAD was pretty much solely considered to be caused by some form of incorrect caretaking. Like, if an infant is consistently made to "cry it out" (not a one shot time, but just consistently failing to provide the reassurance and comfort needed), or the sort. It was not considered a biological condition, but a condition caused by circumstances, in this case the child-parent/guardian bond not appropriately forming.

The consensus may have changed since then (this was the early 2000s, and the science is always changing), but that was how it was considered then.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 17:27

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# ? May 31, 2024 00:13

Combo: Aug 19, 2003

spouse posted:

I mean, on the one hand, no, you don't have ownership of anyone or their feelings, but I've got a little experience here.

I had a friend back in high school who just "seemingly" decided he was interested in just about any woman I was into. I told him I really liked a girl we had a class with and intended to ask her to homecoming, he asked her out before I got the chance. I had a long distance girlfriend I ended things with, turns out he was trying to sext her over AIM (yay we're old) the entire time. When I met my next girlfriend, he asked for her phone number so he could meet her, I told him to gently caress off and ended the friendship. At that point it was a clear pattern.

OP's story isn't.. that... yet, but there are weird, predatory people who orient their pursuits in directions that are purposefully designed to hurt the people around them.

Yeah, obviously OP doesn't get to claim a person, but what the roommate did was still a douche move.

# ? Nov 1, 2021 17:29

The Something Awful Forums > Main > General Bullshit > r/relationships: I have nothing against this baby.

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