AngryRobotsInc posted:

It has been a minute since I last took a child psychology course (and in full disclosure, I never finished the psychology program, and dipped out fairly early), but RAD was pretty much solely considered to be caused by some form of incorrect caretaking. Like, if an infant is consistently made to "cry it out" (not a one shot time, but just consistently failing to provide the reassurance and comfort needed), or the sort. It was not considered a biological condition, but a condition caused by circumstances, in this case the child-parent/guardian bond not appropriately forming.

The consensus may have changed since then (this was the early 2000s, and the science is always changing), but that was how it was considered then.

Combo posted:

Yeah, obviously OP doesn't get to claim a person, but what the roommate did was still a douche move.

sullat posted:

Well you can, you just have to rub your face on them so you can mark them with your scent glands first.

PetraCore posted:

Wasn't it super commonly diagnosed in orphans from Eastern European countries post Cold War where bc of the tight resources it was all caregivers could do to try and meet all the infants' physical needs, and thus the infants usually ended up severely psychologically neglected, eg, never being held, talked to, etc? Really sad situation, because it meant a lot of children ended up at serious disadvantages and it's not like their caregivers were really trying to harm them, there was just a lack of resources and understanding of what babies need at minimum.

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for Banning My Son From Trick or Treating for Framing our Dog?

Yeah no, kid-shitter stays the gently caress home.

EIDE Van Hagar posted:

when i was like 4 years old i didnt want to miss sesame street to take a piss so i pissed into the sound hole of my dad’s acoustic guitar that was sitting on a guitar stand in the living room. I knew it was an extremely bad move and i didn’t even need any other punishment than my mom coming back in the room while i was mid piss and saying “what the HELL are you doing??” but I remember he had to replace the guitar and I felt really lovely about it and I have only pissed in piss-appropriate places since!* And i still remember this at age 40 today.

EIDE Van Hagar posted:

when i was like 4 years old i didnt want to miss sesame street to take a piss so i pissed into the sound hole of my dad’s acoustic guitar that was sitting on a guitar stand in the living room. I knew it was an extremely bad move and i didn’t even need any other punishment than my mom coming back in the room while i was mid piss and saying “what the HELL are you doing??” but I remember he had to replace the guitar and I felt really lovely about it and I have only pissed in piss-appropriate places since!* And i still remember this at age 40 today.

Canceling trick or treating is pretty severe but at 8 you *definitely* know you’re playing with fire (fire means turds in this context).

*some exceptions in college

Soylent Pudding posted:

AITA for making my son pass out the candy he got from trick or treating because he was being rude?

spouse posted:

There is a lot of back and forth on the comments, but there's one very interesting story about a kid with Reactive Attachment Disorder, which I had never heard of, that made its way into the thread:

from the Mayo Clinic:

That sounds really hard. What wasn't clear to me is if it's always the result of neglect or if it sometimes just... happens? Maybe some psych goon can chime in.

Bonster posted:

It's a response to neglect or abuse (predominately neglect) in infancy and early childhood. You sometimes see it in children who have experienced extensive hospitalizations or other types of institutional care, where the neglect may not be intentional but is just a case of too many children per caregiver, or in children who have experienced severe traumatic adjustments. It is not considered to have organic causes, but may be influenced by neurological changes that occur due to neglect (so the neglect causes the brain to develop differently which both causes and is influenced by the child's ability to attach). RAD is uncommon, and in some cases symptoms are better explained by PTSD, oppositional defiant disorder and other anxiety disorders, although it can also be comorbid with them.

RAD was very popular as a diagnosis in "attachment therapy", a pseudo-therapy that has resulted in multiple deaths. Life's hard for some kids.

PetraCore posted:

It's very hosed up with attachment therapy because any attempt by kids to not be abused is then just treated as a symptom of their illness that must be pseudo-scientifically wrung out of them harder.

quote:

I am the manager of a customer service team of about 10-12 members. Most of the team members are right out of school and this is their first professional job and their ages range from 22-24. I am about 10 years older than all of my employees. We have a great team and great working relationships. They all do great work and we have established a great team culture.

Well, a couple of months ago, I noticed something odd that my team (and other employees in the building) started doing. They would see each other in the hallways or break room and say “quack quack” like a duck. I assumed this was an inside joke and thought nothing of it and wrote it off as playful silliness or thought I perhaps missed a moment in a recent movie or TV show to which the quacks were referring.

Fast forward a few months. I needed to do some printing and our printer is in a room that can be locked by anyone when it is in use (our team often has large volumes of printing they need to do and it helps to be able to sort things in there by yourself, as multiple people can get their pages mixed up and it turns into a mess). The door had been locked the entire day and this was around noon, and the manager I have the key to the door in case someone forgot to unlock it when they left. I walked in, and there were two of my employees on the couch in the copier room having sex. I immediately closed the door and left.

This was last week and as you can imagine things are very awkward between the three of us. I haven’t addressed the situation yet because of a few factors: This was during both of their lunch hours. They were not doing this on the clock (they had both clocked out, I immediately checked). We have an understanding that you can go or do anything on your lunch that you want, as long as you’re back after an hour. Also, as you mentioned in your answer last week to the person who overheard their coworker involved in “adult activities,” these people are adults and old enough to make their own choices.

But that’s not the end of the story. That same day, after my team had left, I was wrapping up and putting a meeting agenda on each of their desks for our meeting the next day. Out in broad daylight on the guys desk (one of the employees I had caught in the printing room) was a piece of paper at the top that said “Duck Club.” Underneath it, it had a list of locations of places in and around the office followed by “points.” 25 points – president’s desk, 10 points – car in the parking lot, 20 points – copier room, etc.

So here is my theory about what is going on (and I think I am right). This “Duck Club” is a club people at work where people get “points” for having sex in these locations around the office. I think that is also where the quacking comes into play. Perhaps this is some weird mating call between members to let them know they want to get some “points” with the other person, and if they quack back, they meet up somewhere to “score.” The two I caught in the copier room I have heard “quacking” before.

I know this is all extremely weird. I wasn’t even sure I wanted to write you because of how weird this seems (plus I was a little embarrassed). I have no idea what to do. As I mentioned above, they weren’t on the clock when this happened, they’re all adults, and technically I broke a rule by entering the copier room when it was locked, and would have never caught them if I had obeyed that rule. The only company rule I can think of that these two broke is using the copier room for other purposes, preventing someone else from using it.

I would love to know your opinion on this. I tend to want to sweep it under the rug because I’m kind of a shy person and would be extremely embarrassed to bring it up.

Combo posted:

Yeah, obviously OP doesn't get to claim a person, but what the roommate did was still a douche move.

A Wizard of Goatse posted:

Baronjutter posted:

I'd just tell people to knock it off.

quote:

I first want to defend something I said in my original letter against some of the comments of your posters. I said originally that at my job we had a great work culture and that basically the team I led worked well together and got along. It seems some of the commenters took exception to this because of what turned out to be going on behind the scenes. Just because this was going on, doesn’t make what I said any less true. We do get along great. We are all high performers. So I take exception to some of the comments that suggested this was untrue or that I was being naïve.

Anyway, I did take your advice and go to my manager. Suffice it to say it was kind of awkward. Thankfully the timeline on when I found out to when I told him never came up, so he wasn’t aware that I took so long to tell him. Anyway, he told me he had heard some whispers of other things like this from other people – not necessarily catching people in “the act” but just some weird instances going on. For example, a few people reported that it looked like their cars had been broken into, but nothing had been stolen. The reason they noticed something was because their seats had been pushed all the way forward (perhaps some duck members scoring more points?). He also mentioned that another coworker of ours reported that on one of the three slots in the tampon dispenser in the ladies room had never worked and had been labeled “out of order” (and had been so ever since I can remember). She just happened to let her curiosity get the best of her one day and turned the knob and what came out? A condom. Weird, I know. I have no idea who loads those things, if it’s the maintenance workers or if we have someone in the office that’s responsible for it or if it’s serviced by a third party company. That’s the one I thought was really strange. Perhaps this is where the duck club comes to get their protection – or maybe I’m just reading too much into that one.

Anyway, we scheduled a meeting with my boss’s boss for the next day (he’s one of the top guys in the company) and that was also awkward. I told him what I encountered and what my suspicions were for the duck club. He asked me if I had any proof aside from catching the two employees in the act and the sheet on my employees desk that I came across that there was a duck club and I said no, but I thought it was easy to connect the dots. He played this off as basically “people will do what they want to” and “kids will be kids.” He acted like I was trying to stir up trouble by making leaps to things that didn’t exist and that I should write it off as a one time event and not “blow it out of proportion.” Also, he kinda chuckled when I called it a “duck club” and laughed when I said I had heard people quacking at each other. So when the meeting was over and my boss and I left his office, he said “You guys have a good day, quack quack.” Now I don’t know if he was doing that to mock me and my take on the whole situation, or if that was perhaps a subtle way of him saying, “Yes, I know about the club, and not only am I aware of it, I also am a member” (but perhaps that’s me reading too much into it once again).

My manager and I were kind of dumbfounded when we left his supervisor’s office by the way he responded. My manager was also surprised that his supervisor suggested we not address the situation at all. But we both decided that taking everything into consideration, we could just roll with this weirdness to work where we do. We are very nicely paid with great benefits and generous vacation time. We also love what we do and love our team (even the “quacks” lol). I am fine to let this pass and never speak of it again, and can live with it knowing that nothing will be done about it and I won’t be in trouble for not doing anything now that I have done my part in reporting it. I know that may sound weird, but I’d rather stay here and work because it actually is a relief knowing that, even though the decision of the higher-ups was to not address it, that I won’t at least be held responsible if anything else ever comes with it. I do have proof that I reported it because my manager would back me if anything ever came of this news.

I am also happy to say that I can now speak to the two I caught in the act without blushing now and we’ve moved on, even though nothing was ever said verbally about it.

coronatae posted:

The follow-up letter is equally weird (hope I'm not stepping on your toes with this, A Wizard of Goatse)

pentyne posted:

tell me you don't have an HR department without telling me you don't have an HR department

the head guy is absolutely going to start hitting on all the 22 year old women and expecting them to gently caress him for some quick duck points.

quote:

On mobile so sorry for any formatting issues.

My (25f) relative (60f) has become extremely close with a Catholic priest over the past few years. They live in a small town and while she is married, she is in a very unhappy relationship (should be divorcing but that’s another story). Anyways, over the years, she drives this priest around in her car, buys him things, picks up his groceries, etc., which became especially problematic with covid because she kept doing things despite being extremely immunocompromised. They talk every day (like even calls him during family holidays when she should be spending time with us) and she has invited him to private family things like important discussions (which has made many family members uncomfortable and he has been asked to leave). Lately, everything has been “father thinks this” so now she thinks it....even one viewpoint that I was shocked by (not accepting of others) which COMPLETELY goes against her character.

Recently though, he was moved to a different parish in a different city. She recently lost her job and has been looking for new positions in...guess where? The same city (mind you, she’s never even visited this random city before). She claims it’s a coincidence (and “so what if she has a friend in the city”), but everyone sees through it. She’d be leaving her husband behind and be moving further from the family including her children.

While people have suspected things have been abnormal for years, this decision to potentially move across the country has really upset a lot of our family, including one of her children who pushed back and expressed concern.

She is the type that has always done what she wants, struggled with unhealthy addictions and relationships. But made a good effort to turn things around the past 25 years after being in a dark place for a long time.

Anyways she’s pissed - she thinks this pushback is people trying to control her and that she is an adult, she can make her own choices, this is normal, etc. She also is scared that one of us will call the diocese and make a compliant (I have a sneaky suspicion this guy already has a track record).

Our extended family is torn apart by this and she is starting to cut people off for even just voicing a concern to her.

Really just looking for any advice to keep the family calm and help her (although not enable her) through this. What should I or my family do?

Edit: Today she’s been reaching out to family members for “support” (I can’t tell if she wants someone to take her side, if she’s trying to see who also feels similar to her kid, if she genuinely wants to talk it out, if she’s seeing if someone will report the priest, or if this is just a cry for help). Either way most family members have been minding their own business up until this point but are now being directly pulled in by her.

TLDR: My relative has developed a very dependent, potentially unhealthy relationship with a Catholic priest. She is considering following him to another state. It has caused a big fight in our extended family and I am concerned. She is starting to shut us out. What should we do?

quote:

TL;DR Wife's mother keeps giving us Catholic stuff I really don't want and my wife is too nice to say anything. Our house has too much of this stuff.

​

First off, I really love my mother-in-law. She is good to us and means well. She is alone and tries her best. We had trouble with our youngest daughter when she was born and she was the only reliable person we had to help us.

So her mom is turbo Catholic. She goes to church a lot. She has had some poo poo happen in her life and her way to stay sane is church. She's alone, my wife is her only child, and church is her life. She has Catholic stuff all over her house. Hundreds of pictures, paintings, statues, crucifixes, trinkets, cards with pictures of saints, etc. She's obsessed. I can handle her obsession for the most part, it's kinda gross to see but that's her thing.

But now that we have had children her buying of Catholic crap (nothing against Catholics but these trinkets are garbage and EWTN can go to straight to hell selling this crap for top dollar taking advantage of people like my mother-in-law) is spilling over to our family. Every gift she buys our kids is a Catholic book, or statue, or cross, or rosary. At first I wasn't that threatened. I really don't mind a bit of church in my kids' lives to help them learn and see the diversity our world has to offer. And eventually, like with Santa, the truth will come out. But the symbols all over my home are too far.

Just this past weekend was the last straw. We visited her and she gave more Catholic stuff to the kids (some of her old junk that now we have to deal with) and coffee cups to my wife and I with Catholic scripture written on. I like coffee cups, I am a small time collector. And I mean small time. I think we have 12 cups. We both drink 1 cup of coffee a day so we already have too many. I like to get cool cups from traveling and our space in the cabinet is already too small. The cups given to us were extra large and huge. There is no room for these and I have ZERO interest in letting go of any of my collection from the cabinet. I really enjoy my coffee in the morning in these cups, and to fit this Goliath cups I would have to lose at least 4 of my cups, gently caress that. I noticed my wife put the cups in the kitchen to be cleaned today...

My wife is sympathetic to her mom, and I am too. For most of their lives together it was just the two of them. My wife was raised Catholic and likes the tradition and her personal history with it. But she no longer practices and doesn't really believe in it anymore.

At this point if you came to our home you would think we were devoted Catholics with all the symbols around our home. Our kids love this stuff; they have no clue. We never go to Church and it's not something I want to represent, I feel like a fraud.

My wife doesn't want to upset her mom, and I get that. She also doesn't think this stuff is that big of a deal, I do. I feel like we need to put our foot down and long-term her mom will get over it. I talked with my neighbor about this as I know his parents are super religious. Apparently he gets a ton of stuff too and it all goes in the trash. But his wife and him are on the same page with that.

If anybody has any creative advice I would love to hear it. Thank you.

William Bear posted:

Is there a term for being obsessed with priests? Hot under the [Roman] collar?

My relative (60f) has unhealthy relationship with Catholic Priest and I’m (25f) worried.

Luigi's Discount Porn Bin posted:

berth ell pope

Smirking_Serpent posted:

AITA for leaving a family without childcare because the child called the police on me?

Barudak posted:

Haha whats a little attempted murder between friends.

Heliotrope posted:

I'm wondering if John's parents know about this attempted murder their son tried to commit. Of course it's possible they do and are fine with it, but maybe it's worth a shot to tell them why their relatives are going to have trouble finding people to watch over him while they're busy.

spouse posted:

There is a lot of back and forth on the comments, but there's one very interesting story about a kid with Reactive Attachment Disorder, which I had never heard of, that made its way into the thread:

from the Mayo Clinic:

That sounds really hard. What wasn't clear to me is if it's always the result of neglect or if it sometimes just... happens? Maybe some psych goon can chime in.

Kuiperdolin posted:

Bringing dark lights to the duck club office and gouging your eyes out afterwards.

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

ESH

https://www.reddit.com/r/AmItheAsshole/comments/co5chc/aita_for_breaking_up_with_my_friend_group_for/

quote:

So basic background is I’m 42, two kids age 14 and 12 and signed divorce papers in April after almost 2 years of it being drug out trying to get my fair share from him. The details of “why” are not important but I’m angry, embarrassed, lost and sad any given moment of the day. A lot of this has to do with feeling like I’ve been “replaced” by a 23 year old surfing instructor who is everything I’m not. My husband and kids claims that she is just his friend and helping him learn his life long desire to surf but Jesus Christ...give me a break.

My husband has primary custody because he had better lawyers who were able to manipulate some minor missteps on my part into the court seeing them as a huge deal. So this past weekend I picked up the kids and said we were going to visit my parents. They said they would rather use thier season passes to sea world since they spent all weekend with my parents and Aunt Stacey and Uncle Brian (my brother and sister who I didn’t even know were in town). I was like your dad took you? They said yes that my parents had invited him over to see everyone. I was devastated because while I don’t get along with my brother and sister (and my mom) they let my ex-husband know they were coming and not me. I can’t even let that sink in without tears forming. I sort of jested that “oh and let me guess Ms Surf Instructor was there too?” My daughter said “well actually we all went to her house in ocean beach because she gave Stacey and Brian lessons after ours.” That included my mom and dad. I was so devastated I took the kids back home and just went home and cried for an hour.

When I was done I sent a furious email to my entire family how inappropriate they all had been and then not only hanging out with my ex for an entire weekend, but his little chippy as well is a massive slap in the face and the fact they didn’t even tell they were in town let alone invite me makes me feel so alone.

My mom was the only one to respond and she basically said “yes it was rude we didn’t tell you Stacey and Brian were here and we shouldn’t have done that. But we didn’t divorce Bradley, and we still see him as a son. This email along with your behavior over the last 5 years should really give you insight into why we might not want you at family events.”

In so many words she called me rear end in a top hat for sending the email, was I?

Edit : to the people installing their own narrative on my post, yta. Just read what I wrote in the OP for your decision, ok?

quote:

Very condensed version I was seduced and basically mind controlled (like I said very condensed version) into a having an affair with a supplier at my company

quote:

Ask any victim of #metoo why they couldn’t say no

quote:

My husband told me flat of he was not attracted to me since I was fat. The supplier said everything I wanted/needed to hear to feel like a person again and manipulated me into the affair

Hughlander posted:

This one had a link to another one of my favorites...

AITA for sending my family an angry email because they still speak to my ex-husband and even have him over, especially in light of his present “relationship” with a girl 20 years younger than him?

Info - why don’t you and your family get along?

OP

Why couldn't you say no?

OP

OP

Being told you're pretty and cheating on your husband is exactly what the #metoo movement is all about! That's why your entire family is siding with your husband and his hot new surf instructor girlfriend!