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welcome to hell posted:My Boyfriend Is a Loser and I'm Embarrassed, Please Advice on Dumping Him Smoothly At least she is trying to get out. Also, reading this helped cement something that's been floating around loosely: If a liar/abuser is trying to convince you that all of the problems in their life are because of someone else, but taking all of their lies at face value it would mean that they have the world's worst case of bad judgement, then you should run away and/or kick them out anyways. Call it the Lowtax Rule. (Also, as someone with a bridge myself, I would be throwing hands if someone tried to yank it out. I'm not about to spend another $5k without a fight.)
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Nov 3, 2021 17:05
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I think if someone unexpectedly sticks their hand in your mouth you're allowed to fight them even if you don't have a bridge
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Nov 3, 2021 17:09
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welcome to hell posted:My Boyfriend Is a Loser and I'm Embarrassed, Please Advice on Dumping Him Smoothly I don't know why but I find people like that scarier than obviously aggressive or weird people. Sounds like the guy is barely holding it together and might need some serious treatment. Run OP run.
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Nov 3, 2021 17:13
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Soylent Pudding posted:AITA for not letting my in laws convince my kids to name their puppy after my husband's late wife? They should name the puppy Rebecca.
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Nov 3, 2021 17:21
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LanceHunter posted:At least she is trying to get out. That is a good rule. While I have been more interested in posting about video games than engaging with the goon community, I still ended up hearing bits and pieces about his life. Discovering that he is an abuser suddenly made everything click into place.
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Nov 3, 2021 17:22
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LanceHunter posted:At least she is trying to get out. I would say a more general rule is the amount of excuses they make is proportional to the amount of bullshit is their own fault. I knew a friendship was pretty much over when a buddy who had descended into drinking and partying and failing to follow through on promises then got a DUI and started furiously arguing with me it was the bartenders fault for giving them free shots for his brother's birthday. edit: lol I just remember the famous Lowtax hospital picture was basically a gaslight where he had his mom come in and set everything up so he could take that picture.
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Nov 3, 2021 17:23
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I'll be honest, if I put a lot of work into caring for a lemon tree outside my apartment and never got a single goddamn lemon, I'd be pissed too. I need those lemons for gin.
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Nov 3, 2021 17:29
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BIG FLUFFY DOG posted:Hmmm pathological liar, history of cheating, revenge fantasies against fast food employees he’s somehow developed bad blood with at 37: just a few hiccups you can overcome with couples therapy, love conquers all!! quote:I need to break this off but don’t wanna detail all my reasons because I know hurting his ego might backfire. I need advice on what to say so that he gets put off completely and doesn’t bother trying to hold on to the relationship. Any advice to discourage him would be great. She has already decided to break up with him, she's asking for advice on how to do it safely. I agree it's quite scary.
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Nov 3, 2021 17:34
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welcome to hell posted:My Boyfriend Is a Loser and I'm Embarrassed, Please Advice on Dumping Him Smoothly quote:Gabe (37) and I hit it off immediately, tbh, the connection I’ve experienced in this relationship is the reason I haven’t left him yet. ... I was drawn to Gabe since we laughed a lot, confided in each other and treated each other with consideration. A tale as old as time: distant partner is fun, amazing, makes you feel great then it turns out it's a bullshit house of cards that falls apart almost immediately once you live nearby.
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Nov 3, 2021 17:38
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welcome to hell posted:My Boyfriend Is a Loser and I'm Embarrassed, Please Advice on Dumping Him Smoothly quote:My breaking point happened yesterday. I have a semi permanent tooth bridge. I’ve never told him because that’s private. What? You're dating this guy for a year and this never ever comes up idly? Why is this "super private" it's a tooth bridge. Calm down!!
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Nov 3, 2021 17:47
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Tobermory posted:They should name the puppy Rebecca. Why don't you go? Why don't you leave Manderley? He doesn't need you... he's got his memories. He doesn't love you, he wants to be alone again with her. You've nothing to stay for. You've nothing to live for really, have you?
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Nov 3, 2021 17:47
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star eater posted:What? You're dating this guy for a year and this never ever comes up idly? Why is this "super private" it's a tooth bridge. Calm down!! Also, lady, you're loving 39. you just loving tell him you're loving done
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Nov 3, 2021 17:50
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theflyingexecutive posted:For starters, no wedding has ever been hosed up by a lack of or a second string flower girl. It seems the way the bride reacted was less about making sure her friend was ok (over a period of months where the op was seriously spiraling) and more about losing her daughter as a walking prop. Second, miscarriages are hugely devastating to people, physically (all of your hormones ricocheting without the burst of oxytocin to balance it out) and emotionally and that's on top of already existing anxiety. My mother had five kids and never fully got over her miscarriage. The much, much bigger issue is that she refuses to let her daughter go even though her husband is going and wants to take their child, and (per a comment) the daughter was really looking forward to going and being a princess. There was no reason her not going meant her daughter couldn't go, except her requirement that her daughter be with her at all times. Her daughter wasn't there because Mom needed her security blanket. Children should never be security blankets.
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Nov 3, 2021 17:52
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Tarkus posted:I don't know why but I find people like that scarier than obviously aggressive or weird people. Sounds like the guy is barely holding it together and might need some serious treatment. Run OP run. Because they have no self-awareness, common sense, or ability to actually engage with problems in a healthy manner, their entire life is lies upon lies, petty nonsensical grudges and hangups over the dumbest poo poo that any remotely sensible person or even a weirdo who actually cares about things would just forget about. That mix of petty, stupid and short-sighted is a pain to deal with in the long term because they have no concept of problem solving or long-term thinking.
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Nov 3, 2021 17:56
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Yeah I'm empathetic about miscarriage and the trauma it brings, but it goes too far once you're interrupting your loved one's ability to go enjoy life. That's when you need professional help to work through your anxiety, not be sated by cancelling the daughter's plans. It's really not ok to take experiences away from your kids because you're terrified you might lose them if they leave the house. Down that way, madness and codependence lies.
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Nov 3, 2021 17:57
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haveblue posted:Apparently it's some kind of covenant obligation: Hm. That's pretty weird. I wonder what would happen if she just didn't do it. A fine, maybe? I mean if she's contractually obligated to maintain the tree, that kinds sucks but it doesn't give her ownership over the lemons. welcome to hell posted:My Boyfriend Is a Loser and I'm Embarrassed, Please Advice on Dumping Him Smoothly I don't know what a tooth bridge is but why would anyone try to pull one out of someone's mouth? This guy is just a walking red flag. Get out asap. Soylent Pudding posted:AITA for not letting my in laws convince my kids to name their puppy after my husband's late wife? Edit: Rounding out the last few pages, yeah the mom who said no to flower girl sucks. Anxiety doesn't mean you get to ruin poo poo for other people and then hide behind the illness. I'd almost be on her side if she like, apologized for her actions? But just "no I can do any bad poo poo because I have anxiety and you're not allowed to get mad at me" is so bullshit. I've been in mental health crises and done/said wrong things, I think most people have. But it's not a get out of criticism free card. Hellblazer187 fucked around with this message at 18:02 on Nov 3, 2021 |
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Nov 3, 2021 17:58
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star eater posted:Also, lady, you're loving 39. you just loving tell him you're loving done I don't think being 39 is some magical shield that protects you from a guy with delusions of fast-food vengeance getting violent.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:01
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Invisible Clergy posted:r/relationships: I understand that his bday is tied to a deeply traumatic event however I decided it’s time to replace those memories. It's a pity this is so long and difficult to abbreviate because drat is it perfect as an encapsulation of what this thread is about. Does "r/relationships: I understand that his bday is tied to a deeply traumatic event however I" fit? You know what's coming after a however like that. Or if it needs to be trimmed further, maybe r/relationships: I understand that is tied to a deeply traumatic event, however I
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Nov 3, 2021 18:04
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 There is actually an established body of law about the fruit tree issue: https://en.m.wikipedia.org/wiki/Usufruct
ponzicar fucked around with this message at 18:08 on Nov 3, 2021 |
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Nov 3, 2021 18:05
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star eater posted:Also, lady, you're loving 39. you just loving tell him you're loving done The dude's got an unstable vibe that implies straight telling him you're done would invite stalking and other violent behavior. So the ask seems more of "how do I exit this safely" if you read between the lines. That said, I doubt tricking him into it is the best way to do it. Guy seems unpredictable.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:06
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star eater posted:What? You're dating this guy for a year and this never ever comes up idly? Why is this "super private" it's a tooth bridge. Calm down!! Sometimes people are embarrassed/self conscious about this sort of thing. My dad has been missing his front teeth since he was twelve due to a childhood accident, and I didn't really realise until his bridge broke maybe ten years back. My mom confided to me that they were dating for months before she found out, and it was basically the same circumstances: he'd broken his dentures and attempted to hide his toothlessness from her when they met for a meal.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:07
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star eater posted:What? You're dating this guy for a year and this never ever comes up idly? Why is this "super private" it's a tooth bridge. Calm down!! I mean, how long does it take for it to come up in conversation that you have a filling? Especially if it's not one of the front teeth, I can see it not being something that would come up.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:08
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I mean, he's 37. Hes had a good run, its ok to put him down.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:08
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I had a wire retainer that fell out when I was a kid, and never got it replaced or properly removed, so I've still got a bit of permanent glue on the back of my canines. I don't think anyone knows this about me, despite it not being anything secret or personal, because it has never come up in conversation and I don't know why anyone would need to be told. Except you guys. You are the only ones to know this.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:11
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Zulily Zoetrope posted:I had a wire retainer that fell out when I was a kid, and never got it replaced or properly removed, so I've still got a bit of permanent glue on the back of my canines. I don't think anyone knows this about me, despite it not being anything secret or personal, because it has never come up in conversation and I don't know why anyone would need to be told. Mods change this poster's name to Tooth Glue, thanks in advance.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:14
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ponzicar posted:
I think the 'issue' with the fruit tree isn't that the public are allowed access to it, it's that the landowner is told they are responsible for a thing's maintenance, but can make no claims (apart from those available to the general public) on it. All stick, no carrot. We have the same here where people are responsible for keeping their grass verge trimmed and looking nice or facing a fine, but you sure as gently caress can't put anything on that verge or the city will remove it. They're all just ways of local councils making everything worse to save a buck, with the added bonus of having lovely unmaintained public areas when owners go AWOL. Lady's pissed that she had to take care of something then realize it was all for naught. I would be too if it was a whole fuckin' tree instead of a few seconds extra of lawnmowing.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:20
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El Spamo posted:The dude's got an unstable vibe that implies straight telling him you're done would invite stalking and other violent behavior. So the ask seems more of "how do I exit this safely" if you read between the lines. Based on his behaviour thus far I think she should fake her death and move to Alaska.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:22
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Serephina posted:I think the 'issue' with the fruit tree isn't that the public are allowed access to it, it's that the landowner is told they are responsible for a thing's maintenance, but can make no claims (apart from those available to the general public) on it. All stick, no carrot. We have the same here where people are responsible for keeping their grass verge trimmed and looking nice or facing a fine, but you sure as gently caress can't put anything on that verge or the city will remove it. They're all just ways of local councils making everything worse to save a buck, with the added bonus of having lovely unmaintained public areas when owners go AWOL. Just live in Massachusetts, where most curbside grass is so destroyed by road salt you would've thought Scipio Aemilianus was a snow plow driver. spouse posted:There are very few things less attractive in a sexual partner than being insecure that you might feel pleasure they didn't cause. I have an ex who had major hang ups about me masturbating. Like, near-tears breakdowns because I happened to jerk it one morning. Turns out she had a lot of other issues too and controlling things was just kinda her vent valve.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:24
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welcome to hell posted:My Boyfriend Is a Loser and I'm Embarrassed, Please Advice on Dumping Him Smoothly I know everyone got caught up on the tooth bridge thing but did everybody's eyes skip over the part where he's inspecting her vaginal discharge the way she describes his behavior it honestly sounds like the dude is developing some kind of degenerative brain disease resulting in paranoid mental breakdown. this guy needs a psych eval stat
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Nov 3, 2021 18:31
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Mx. posted:every time my cat changes his behaviour too much i take him to the vet Now I want a very stupid cat. Like she just spends hours with her face pressed against a wall for no discernable reason. Please provide actual Stupid Cat behaviors, thank you.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:35
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kalel posted:I know everyone got caught up on the tooth bridge thing but did everybody's eyes skip over the part where he's inspecting her vaginal discharge Yeah, this web of creepy behaviors tightening around her bodily autonomy is a pretty bad sign
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Nov 3, 2021 18:38
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Zulily Zoetrope posted:I had a wire retainer that fell out when I was a kid, and never got it replaced or properly removed, so I've still got a bit of permanent glue on the back of my canines. I don't think anyone knows this about me, despite it not being anything secret or personal, because it has never come up in conversation and I don't know why anyone would need to be told. Sounds like you need to find someone in your life who knows how to really give a kiss.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:42
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kalel posted:I know everyone got caught up on the tooth bridge thing but did everybody's eyes skip over the part where he's inspecting her vaginal discharge That's what I was thinking. I'm wondering if he's the kind of guy that listens to Stephan Molyneux and obsesses about the number of eggs she has left and other kooky poo poo.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:42
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Beachcomber posted:Please provide actual Stupid Cat behaviors, thank you. A girl I dated had a cat who just absolutely could not conceive of his head taking up space. He'd run full tilt at a wall, and stop just a little too slowly to avoid hitting his head into the wall. Whenever he walked under anything, like a chair, he'd know to lower his head, but would raise it just one step too early and bonk his head into the crossbeam or whatever else was above it. There was nothing actually wrong with him, other than being a certified Stupid Cat, and he was a very happy and cuddly cat, with a particular disposition towards bunting. His only concerning behavior was that he was absolutely terrified of fences (the going theory being that he had once gotten himself trapped between a fence and a sprinkler, with no avenue for escape that he could see), which meant he could be let into the garden unsupervised despite being a lifelong indoor cat, as he would never even approach its boundaries.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:43
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Big Grunty Secret posted:Say "I cast magic missile" and throw the vodka bottle at Chris's face Too bad it wasn't whiskey 'cuz maybe it'd be fireball...
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Nov 3, 2021 18:49
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AITA for still doing something my girlfriend did not want me to do?quote:So couples of months ago, my girlfriend of 2 years and I went to a party at her friend's house. I was the first time I was going to meet them. This one isn't particularly notable but everyone in the comments is arguing about whether or not she's hiding something or if he's an rear end in a top hat for just doing professional networking with someone he'll without a doubt only have short interactions with after this. I mean if my fiancee got someone I know to buy a product from her company for their business I would just think "hell yeah extra money coming in" but I also wouldn't tell her "don't be friends with my friends." or say "just don't" if she asked why I said that. Also for stupid cat chat my fiancee's cat is incapable of cleaning herself properly and instead "grooms" by absolutely soaking herself in her own spit to the point where we've both said "Link why are you soaking wet" on more than occasion within recent memory. She also can't figure out doors consistently and likes to get behind the door in an attempt to leave a room.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:51
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Beachcomber posted:Please provide actual Stupid Cat behaviors, thank you. I had a cat that definitely had something wrong with its brain. We called it feline autism, as he just couldn't understand the body language or actions of other cats. They could be hissing or trying to square up to him and he was just confused. Managed to survive regardless by virtue of being the largest moggie anyone had ever seen. Just lived for hunting though, and took out hares and herring gulls. I once saw him try and stalk a cow, but quickly worked out that was a bad idea when the cow started trying to sniff and paw at him.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:51
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Tired: Angry about landlords Wired: Angry about multilayered landlords quote:I rented a three-bedroom apartment from the owner.
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Nov 3, 2021 18:56
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Bug Squash posted:I had a cat that definitely had something wrong with its brain. We called it feline autism, as he just couldn't understand the body language or actions of other cats. They could be hissing or trying to square up to him and he was just confused. Managed to survive regardless by virtue of being the largest moggie anyone had ever seen. Just lived for hunting though, and took out hares and herring gulls. I once saw him try and stalk a cow, but quickly worked out that was a bad idea when the cow started trying to sniff and paw at him. Oh my god, it's a real-life example of this scene, where your cat honestly judged it wrong? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=MMiKyfd6hA0
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Nov 3, 2021 18:58
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haveblue posted:I think if someone unexpectedly sticks their hand in your mouth you're allowed to fight them even if you don't have a bridge bite or flight
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Nov 3, 2021 18:59
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