quote:

Background: One of my employees, I'll call him D, is a supervisor. He's smart, dedicated, good heart, not a quitter, and a very hard worker. He is in mid 30s (a few months older than me), and the job pays around 50k/year. He was a late bloomer with social skills and doesn't have much higher education which is why he's a shift supervisor now rather than higher up.

Situation: At 6 month progress review we talked about his performance I told him he's doing awesome in terms of operations but could stand to improve his organizational skills and follow-through.

Later one of his staff missed her deadline to complete an educational requirement. I talked to D and told him he can't let this happen again. He said he emailed her telling her to do it, and I explained "that clearly wasn't enough", that he must follow up with whatever is necessary (including disciplinary action if it comes to that) to ensure his staff are compliant with our regulations. A couple months later near another deadline, the same woman wasn't done, so I reminded D to make sure she gets it done. Well deadline hits and she missed it. I talk to D and was like "wtf, we talked about this and I reminded you." He told me she'd told him she'd completed it (he could've checked her certificate) . I told him no excuses, you promised me last time you'd follow up as necessary and you failed.

Fast forward to end of year performance appraisals. I rate him "acceptable" rather than "excellent" on his organization/follow-through which means he doesn't get his 2% bonus at the end of the year. He was always borderline on organization, and the education thing tipped the scale. Now I think he deserves the maximum bonus. He sacrificed for me, shed blood sweat and tears, but that's not how the performance appraisal system works. I could've fudged it, nobody would've known, but I think he has potential to be great and move up in his career. That sloppiness won't cut if he moves up a few ranks. He feels hurt, badly. He knows he deserves it, and knows I think so too. He feels like I'm being a heartless bureaucrat, but I feel I'm doing my job and also teaching him a lesson in the long run despite feeling terrible about it.

AITA?

Edit: before this gets out of hand, I've worked with him. A lot. I spent 30 minutes a day, 2-3 times a weeks dedicated to training and development for about 6 months. I still have an open door policy and he comes to me frequently. He's commented how much I've helped him on many occasions. I have a master's in leadership (and am doing what I was taught to do) and have given him resources and books as well as any knowledge I have to offer. We have a great relationship until this bonus thing. Also I work for a huge organization, I don't own the company and I don't lose/gain money for this.

Edit 2nd: was recommended I add this: He is sloppy all over but good enough that he gets by, I'd say mediocre overall with organization. Emails are occasionally hard to understand, he needs to resubmit time cards often for corrections. I am patient because I know he works hard and has a hard time slowing down for tedious details. There was no cost from the girl who missed education, but only because we got lucky. An inspector came and did some spot checks, but didn't pick her name. I'm not allowed to give him anything due to organizational policy. I suppose I could give him a gift and just not tell anyone and hope he stays quiet. But I don't want to on gamble on that. He's improved from bad to "acceptable" but he's definitely not "excellent" with organization. There is no punishment, he's just not getting a bonus.

Funktastic posted:

AITA for not giving my employee a bonus despite all he's done for me?

Funktastic posted:

AITA for not giving my employee a bonus despite all he's done for me?

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

This seemed very thread appropriate.

https://twitter.com/ExileGrimm/status/1456730462005743624

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

quote:

For context I’m the manager of a small book store, my boss and I are best friends and it’s just been the two of us working for a while until a few weeks ago. He hired someone new and didn’t ask my opinion on it at all. He also gave her a key which I JUST got a key when I became manager and that definitely upset me. I opened the store last night and texted her to come if she wanted a shift and btw this is nothing against the woman she is super sweet and she has 2 adopted daughters to take care of and she’s newly a single mom so I get why she needed another job I just wish I wouldn’t have walked in in the interview with bo heads up.

So fast forward to the shift. I’m obviously doing everything and showing her the ropes I wouldn’t expect anything more from her first shift. But what bothered me is her inviting her teenage kids to the store and going to take care of them while I take care of all the customers alone. Also her having personal conversations and leaving the store to have a 10 minute personal conversation while the store is busy. I had no intention of confronting her it’s her first day and maybe she is just trying to get the hand of it.

What really hurt me is coming to find out my boss paid us the same for the day. She got paid the same as me the manager to be trained and to walk around the store having personal conversation and not help me with anything. I feel sick thinking about it and I am going to confront him but deep down I also feel guilty about this because she has apartment rent and two kids but on the other hand I don’t understand how having obligations makes it okay for you to slack off and get paid the same as the manager.. I’m conflicted it feels like he is going to jump over onto her side and I am already looking for other jobs because I don’t want to have to quit and not have something lined up.

sean10mm posted:

This is confusing because the guy he's rating is a supervisor, but he seems to suck rear end at getting people to do basic tasks, which is what a supervisor is for. He also makes the guy sound dumb as poo poo just in general. But he ALSO says the guy totally deserves a raise 100% for sure and he withheld it because of some kind of deranged bureaucratic integrity?

webmeister posted:

I love the little details in this one:
- started major renovations without consulting partner
- happy to point out that the house is "mine", not "ours"
- has debts that aren't getting repaid
- happy to let in-laws pay for the wedding despite his major financial windfall
- he says "we" might as well have fun with the money, despite it being spent entirely on him
- apparently spent several years out of the workforce, so I'd love to know what the rest of their financial situation looks like (ie, how much he's been sponging off her income for the past two years)

I'm honestly just boggling at how unbelievably self-centered this guy is. "Yes honey, I know there's a bunch of walls missing and someone is digging up a corner of the house. I figured that since we've lived off your income for two years, your parents are funding our wedding, we've got a bunch of debts and I've only just found stable work, it seemed like the perfect time to dump a bunch of money into a moronic vanity project entirely for my own benefit. You know, because I never get to do anything! Wait where are you going?"

quote:

WIBTA if I reported a family friend who outed my pregnancy to her place of work?

UPDATE I reported her first thing this morning. She was the one who answered and I said I had to talk to my OB, but she couldn’t come to the phone right then and called me back 20 mins later. I explained the situation, she thanked me for telling her and said that they take matters like this very seriously and will be looking into it immediately. I doubt they’ll let me know what happens but if I do hear anything I’ll update again. Thanks so much, everyone!

quote:

My boyfriend of three years has been married twice before, which is fine, I knew that going into it and the divorces were for fair reasons on both sides.

Legally, he is still married to his last wife. They separated over a decade ago but never got round to signing the paperwork.

We have a child together and another on the way and he keeps bringing up the subject of engagement and marriage with me. I have told him in no uncertain terms that my answer will be a resounding 'no' if he hasn't finalised the divorce when he asks me. He's very hurt and says he really wants to marry me. I've said ok, get divorced then. It's bad enough that I've spent three years with a man who is technically married to someone else - the idea of being engaged makes me sick. I told him as much and he was quite upset.

I've spoken to a few close friends about this and I'm getting mixed opinions. Some have said it is downright disrespectful that he is still married, while others have said I'm being petty and immature. My argument is, I'm not going to commit to marrying a man who doesn't respect me enough to get a divorce.

So, Reddit - Am I the rear end in a top hat?

Funktastic posted:

AITA for not giving my employee a bonus despite all he's done for me?

value-brand cereal posted:

According to the comments, this is about irl child abuse, pedophilia, grooming, forced marriages, cults, and CSA. Fair warning. It doesn't go into detail but like, idk. I thought we're not posting pedophilia related things here? There's trainwreck gazing and then there's abyss gazing, I feel.

Cowslips Warren posted:

AITA for being upset about an employee making the same as me?

Pigsfeet on Rye posted:

Also, the blabbermouth at the OB that spilled the story about pregnancy got reported

Piell posted:

AITA for refusing to get engaged until he gets divorced?

kimbo305 posted:

Who is the she who answered?

sean10mm posted:

This is confusing because the guy he's rating is a supervisor, but he seems to suck rear end at getting people to do basic tasks, which is what a supervisor is for. He also makes the guy sound dumb as poo poo just in general. But he ALSO says the guy totally deserves a raise 100% for sure and he withheld it because of some kind of deranged bureaucratic integrity?

quote:

Emails are occasionally hard to understand

kimbo305 posted:

Who is the she who answered?

Elissimpark posted:

Can't decide if they play gender flipped Cramps songs or spanish Sonic Youth covers.

Slimy Hog posted:

The same receptionist who told the OP's mom

AreWeDrunkYet posted:

Sorry, I thought the lack of specifics would make it less of a trigger issue. Basically the game show host asks the daughter if her dad as an adult has ever had sex with someone who was underage, she says yes, and the host reveals that she is right. No details beyond that.

"Age gap" is a running theme here, and there are plenty of stories posted where some simple math shows one of the partners in a relationship was underage when it started. Didn't mean to be out of line, apologies if it affected anyone.

kimbo305 posted:

So the OP just willingly reported the complaint to the person who she was complaining about?

kimbo305 posted:

So the OP just willingly reported the complaint to the person who she was complaining about?

quote:

I said I had to talk to my OB, but she couldn’t come to the phone right then and called me back 20 mins later.

kimbo305 posted:

So the OP just willingly reported the complaint to the person who she was complaining about?

haveblue posted:

OP told person to pass on the message “I need to talk to my OB” but not about what. OB called back

Invisible Clergy posted:

She went on this show to expose sexual abuse in the mormon church and explains her motives here.

Piell posted:

AITA for refusing to get engaged until he gets divorced?

Piell posted:

AITA for refusing to get engaged until he gets divorced?

Piell posted:

AITA for refusing to get engaged until he gets divorced?

The_Franz posted:

can you even get married if you are still legally married to someone else (except maybe in utah)?

quote:

Me (14) and dad is ( 54) and very strict. He likes joking around much, so it´s hard to tell if he is joking around or not. Recently, I started covering my nose because of the smell of my dad´s oatmeal or his breath after he ate his oatmeal, at first he didn´t get mad about it, but recently he has.

So, today after I brushed my teeth and went down, to eat some breakfast he then came downstairs. Seconds later, he farted then after I finished eating, I came up to use the bathroom but then I started covering my nose because I thought the fart would smell. He then seemed kinda angry and said ¨why are you covering your nose¨? I then said because he farted it and I covered my nose in case it smelled bad.

Then after he dressed up he started making oatmeal and as I was near the door and the bathroom he started looking at me in a annoying way then I told him to stop, I also thought he was doing it in a way to mess around with me. Also, the oatmeal didn´t smell that good and I covered my nose ( by the way I was covering my nose before) and then he scolded me about how it was ¨disrespectful¨, which I admit it was. He asked if it ¨ was the trash bag¨ and made me go take the trash bag outside (in the garage). Now, my father is very mad at me and told me ¨to never do that again¨.

So, AITA Reddit? Also, I am sorry for any grammar mistakes or errors.

Piell posted:

Read the story and take a guess before looking at the spoiler, I guarantee you will be wrong

AITA, for covering and holding my nose because of the smell of my dad´s oatmeal?

CannonFodder posted:

What? How?

The_Franz posted:

People staying married despite being split up can cause all sorts of legal problems down the line. "oh, the father of your children died in a car accident? well, he had no will and was married to this other woman, so she's legally entitled to the majority of his assets"

The_Franz posted:

OP and still-married-boyfriend also own a house together, so she has already entwined her finances with this guy's ex given that they are still legally married.

The_Franz posted:

OP also states that the boyfriend and his ex hate each other and both have moved on with their lives, so not filing the drat divorce papers and making it officially over makes even less sense.

quote:

The company I work for is going through a merger with two others. Some people have taken retirement, but other than that no one has been let go. Locations and departments are changing, and people are moving around and being promoted.

I am about to have a new boss. We have a history. I used to work with my new boss’s husband. We had a one-night fling and somehow she found out. She divorced him and it was not amicable. I have a child with her ex-husband. The two of us share custody, but we’re not together and have never been beyond that one time. I was dragged into the divorce proceedings and she went out of her way to humiliate me. She is still angry about it and she took her ex-husband to the cleaners.

I asked HR if there is any other job I could take but they said there isn’t. They also say my concerns are not valid because my new boss is a professional. I can’t afford to be without a job but I also can’t have her as a boss. HR has said their decision is final. They won’t give me another job or let me go and if I quit I can’t get unemployment. What should I do, do you have any advice as to how I can convince HR to change their minds?

One month later posted:

I ended up quitting rather than working for her. I appreciated your response and all of the kind responses in the comments, but there was no way I could work for her when the company had clearly sided with right her off the bat and when she still had it out for me after all this time. Before she started her management position, she was here for a meeting. She saw me by the elevators and said the universe must be on her side since she was offered a chance to manage one of the people who had “shattered” her life before. There were no witnesses to this conversation and I knew then I had to get out before she took over.

I wish I could say I have found another job and everything is great, but that is unfortunately not the case. I had to move in with my mom and dad. I’m working as a temp until I can find a permanent full time job. I did have an interview but the hiring manager “saw red flags” when I was unable to provide a current reference from either job I have had in the past (the one where I worked with the father of my child and the one I just quit) and only had a single reference for 12 years of work in the form of my now retired former manager. They ultimately decided to go with another candidate. Another company I applied at “decided not to move forward with my candidacy” after they called both of the companies I had worked at in the past even though I didn’t have any references from either one. I don’t know what they were told but I imagine it cannot be good as I have no friends at either place and did not leave on good terms.

The father of my child is also working temp jobs. He has had a tough time finding work since his divorce. He is also living with his mom and dad. Neither of us has a car, I cannot afford it and his ex-wife got his in the divorce, so we rely on public transportation or our parents. Things have always been amicable between us, we have always shared custody with no child support because of the equal time, but for now our child stays with whichever one of us or our parents/other relatives are available for child care and we try to help each other financially as much as possible so our child isn’t affected (he is still dealing with the fallout from his bankruptcy and his ex-wife having his wages garnished instead of accepting a payment plan). Both of us are focused on getting back on our feet and giving our child a stable life. I’m thankful we both have family who helps whenever they can.

Even though things aren’t going great at the moment, I still want to thank you for your response and the perspective you provided and all of the people in the comments who were kind and supportive. I go back and re-read them whenever I am having a really bad day.

ibntumart posted:

Content:

quote:

I was used to being the one to pay on dates and stuff. But she’s got this weird hang up about not wanting me to think, “She owes me anything”. Seems dumb to me. But I go along with it. She moved in with me and suddenly wanted to go half on rent. Even though she doesn’t make that much compared to me, so half was seriously draining her funds. Whether she admitted it or not. It’s exhausting honestly. I’m not hurting for cash. And she doesn’t make a whole lot. It’s the least I could do.

but anyways I decided My GF would be splitting the cost of her engagement ring with me since she’s so hung up on splitting everything. Needless to say. The conversation didn’t go over well.

I’d just like to add that She is insistent on not letting me pay the whole rent. I don’t understand it.

limp_cheese posted:

What in the gently caress? Outing a dude as a pedophile on national Tv and there were not immediately cops there to arrest him? And the show knew about this beforehand? Just what the gently caress....